Advice/Help Diversity

[bonesbo]

Hello!
I am a physically and mentally able, financially stable caucasion, (gay and nonbinary); however, I love to write with diverse characters of varying stories, ethnicities, and sometimes physical/mental disabilities.
If anyone is willing, I’d love to know big NOPES for writing either a main or side person as someone that is not my own experience. I’d love to know what things you like to see your community portrayed as.
Here are some traits/characteristics I’d like to learn more about, how to write about or what to avoid when writing about (if that makes sense)
•African American culture
-: people with kinky/extremely curly hair and how much people care to style or write about it
•Latin American culture
•East Asian American culture
•hard of hearing/deaf
•blind/legally blind
•anywhere on autism spectrum physical/mental abilities
•growing up in poverty/low income household
•growing up with one/none/same-sex parents/ nanny
•mood/personality/mental disorders such as schizophrenia/bipolar/DID/ADHD
•literally anything else I love learning about people’s experiences

I understand that since I personally do not experience certain things, its not always the best idea to write a first person perspective with it, so I try to avoid that as muchas possible. I try to avoid detrimental stereotypes and do my research how to properly characterise.
Please give me tips on what to avoid and what to include and properly represent you!

 

[rae2nerdy]

Well the first thing to understand is that no one group of people are a monolith. Most likely your characters will be influenced far more by the environment they are raised in and the society they are surrounded with than anything you listed above.

So your best bet to portray people honestly is to actually start by defining their childhood experiences and the society they live in.

Honestly those things your better off basing on your own experience as much as possible. As it’s not really something someone can give you a full accounting for without giving a long diatribe about their own personal childhood.


As for instance poverty in Kentucky is going to look different than poverty in Seattle or England or whatever.

And not every bipolar person is going to have equal access or acceptance of medication.

So yeah basically focus on building up your characters backstory and the setting of the roleplay.

Beyond that I find forums dedicated to whatever topic your curious about is good.

Or google how to write ______ the Internet is full of tips and articles.

 

[Nue]

For the autism one, I recently read a really good article on how to write autistic characters without falling into the trap of being like, "this character does things that aren't the norm because they're autistic", which can be kind of offensive because it paints people on the spectrum as being 'weird' or having the 'wrong' reaction to things. I found it pretty helpful, you can read it here.

For everything else, yeah, just searching multiple sources from people and hearing about their thoughts and experiences is a good tactic. Not every person is going to think the same about a particular thing, or think the same thing is offensive, but you can get a good feel for what things people are tired of seeing (for example, a tooooon of blind people are sick of blind characters being portrayed as constantly depressed about their lack of sight, people with schizophrenia tend to be averse to the idea that they're inherently violent and 'crazy', etc.)

 

[Chimney Swift]

If you need anyone to talk to about being visually impaired or autistic, I'd be happy to answer any specific questions you may have!

I'm actually very glad there are people willing to take a thoughtful and respectful approach to writing diverse characters, rather than just not writing them at all or just saying "fuck it" and hashing out an inaccurate, ignorant caricature. Honestly, especially in the RP community, too much of that goes unremarked on. So thank you for making this thread!

Just to start, here's 10 things anyone writing an autistic character should know:

1. Autism is not a mental illness. It's a neurodevelopmental disability. Surprising how many people don't know that!
2. About 40% of autistic people are nonverbal (can't talk). However, nonverbal does not mean non-communicative. Many nonverbal autistic people can communicate using voice technology like an app on an ipad, picture cards, or their regional sign language.
3. Functioning labels (High/Low functioning, or mild/moderate/severe) are often inaccurate and misleading, and most autistic people do not prefer them for this reason. Using myself as an example, I was diagnosed with "moderate autism". Confused about what that means? Me too! It doesn't tell you anything about where my strengths and where my disabilities are. Someone who is highly verbal and may appear "high functioning" may have debilitating sensory issues, and someone who has very obvious stimming behavior and may appear "low functioning" may have great independent skills and be able to live on their own and hold a job. So in short, don't bother with functioning labels. Just provide a brief picture of what your character can and can't do, because it's different for every autistic person.
4. I mentioned stimming in the previous point. Stimming, short for self-stimulatory behavior, is commonly seen in people with autism and other developmental disabilities. It looks different from person to person, but can include physical behaviors like hand-flapping or rocking back and forth, verbal tics like echolalia (repeating words), playing with fidget toys, etc. etc. These behaviors exist for a lot of reasons. It can be a form of sensory regulation, expression of excitement or anxiety, and loads of other things.
5. Autism is characterized by social deficits. These exist in both verbal and nonverbal autistic people. One of the most common is lack of eye contact (often used to diagnose autism in babies and small children), but can also include lack of volume control, failure to pick up on emotional cues, stilted or extremely literal terms of speech, or not knowing when to initiate or leave a conversation.
6. Another one of the criteria for autism, and probably the most well-known and universal, is sensory sensitivity and disordered sensory processing. Autistic people are often hypersensitive to certain sounds, smells, textures, types of light, etc. Most of us, including myself, do not like to be touched or hugged, though some do. Overwhelming sensory environments can cause sensory overload, a which can make it hard to think or act or respond to potentially dangerous situations. This can trigger meltdown (sudden rage or emotional upset), or shutdown (inability to speak or process thoughts correctly), both of which can last several hours and are incredibly unpleasant.
7. This is an important one: Parents, therapists and teachers of autistic people are not experts!! Their perspectives can be important and meaningful, but at the end of the day they don't know what it's like to live with the disability and often present a much more bleak lens on our daily lives. Anyone who uses phrases like "trapped in a shell" or "missing" should not be trusted to speak on our experiences, because even at my worst, it isn't like that. Your primary source of information should always be actual autistic people, neurologists and psychiatrists. These sources are surprisingly easy to find (hey, you found one today)
8. Asperger's Syndrome is a defunct diagnosis as of the DSM-V. People previously diagnosed with this are now under the umbrella term "autism spectrum disorder", though some still use the term to refer to themselves colloquially to aid understanding in people who are new to the change.
9. Autism is not just young white boys!! There are autistic people of color, autistic women and girls, and autistic adults, and people who are all three and more! The myth that autism is more common in boys came around because it was mostly white, affluent families who would take their sons in to be tested, but now that autism testing is becoming more de rigueur, the gap is shrinking.
10. Don't be afraid to make mistakes. It can be daunting to tackle something as complex as a developmental disability from an outside perspective, but the more people actually make an effort to include us in their writing, the more meaningful and accurate that representation will become.

 

[Jannah]

Speaking as somebody who is personally affected by a few of the things on the list, I wrote a guide on this sort of thing awhile back(but unfortunately the site it was on eventually removed it so I lost it). It basically emphasized how both research and listening to others are key to success. Like, Google will give you the basic information about these things, but may not tell you everything about how it's actually like to live with these conditions. That is where you need to be able to approach people, usually in forums like this, to ask around. Some may be willing to share their experiences, but if not then that needs to be respected.

Oh, and lastly do not make the character's sexuality, mental illness, financial status, ethnicity, whatever the entire basis of their identity. That comes off as offensive to me. We are more than just our disabilities, our careers, etc. Those are merely one part of us.

 

[bonesbo]

Oh, and lastly do not make the character's sexuality, mental illness, financial status, ethnicity, whatever the entire basis of their identity. That comes off as offensive to me. We are more than just our disabilities, our careers, etc. Those are merely one part of us.

yes i totally understand that, that happens a fair amount in genderqueer representation as well

 

[Jannah]

yes i totally understand that, that happens a fair amount in genderqueer representation as well

Oh I'm well aware. On another site I'm on there's characters that are like "Oh, I'm gay and I'm going to show everybody just how gay I am." Soooooo annoying,.

 

[Pandaskel]

Oh I'm well aware. On another site I'm on there's characters that are like "Oh, I'm gay and I'm going to show everybody just how gay I am." Soooooo annoying,.

It certainly doesn't help when shows like Fuller House get praised for their LGBT+ representation when all they do is reinforce stereotypes

 

[kevintheradioguy]

anywhere on autism spectrum physical/mental abilities

We [generally] really don't care enough. (I've yet to meet someone who does)
Though must admit, Sheldons are annoying.

 

[Pandaskel]

Latin-American Culture
1. Immigration: The amount of latino-ness will depend on whether or not the character is an immigrant and to what degree. In other words, the strength of their ties to their mother culture depends on whether or not they live in their motherland or, if they don't, how many generations it's been since their family moved. I personally am first generation, meaning I'm the first generation of my family that was born in the U.S. (Note: This list will be U.S.-centric) My parents were born in El Salvador. My parents and I have a very strong tie to the culture and dialect, whereas someone who is third or fourth generation immigrant will be much more of the American side of Latin-American. Someone who is an immigrant or first or second generation American-born might have beans, rice, and tortillas as a staple of their diet, spank their kids, think Vaporub is a miracle cure ointment, and fall into most of the rest of the cultural features on this list.
2. Minority within a minority: We. Are. Not. All. Mexican. You know how assuming that someone is Chinese just because they're Asian is a super no-no? Same thing. It honestly makes me feel physically sick, it's such a total embodiment of ignorance. So extra research on specific cultures, histories, foods, and dialects is always a plus.
3. Family: Family, blood or no, is a huge part of the culture. In sociology, the large communities through either church or family are a distinct feature of latinos. Childcare, food, yard work, car work, everything is provided through these communities. The idea of "throw your kids out at 18 and let them find their fortune, they move states away, only visit on holidays" really isn't a thing.
4. Machismo: Now, machismo definitely used to be very sexist. Women were most definitely property, quinceañeras were a public ceremony to present girls as virgins for potential suitors, etc. There's still traces of that, but mostly machismo continues to exist as the idea that women are to be respected and protected and men are to be strong protectors and providers. This means that kids raised latino will see a distinct difference in how girls and boys are treated. Girls typically have earlier curfews and more scrutiny in who they spend time with, things like that. Boys tend to have more freedom. But from my own experience and from what I've heard from others, this is never painted as a matter of worth, nor are females typically barred from things like education and work.
5. Overprotective parents: Latino kids don't do sleepovers, except possibly with family (and even then). We don't travel far without a trusted adult. We don't have friends of the opposite sex. We don't stay out after dark. We don't hang out at our friends' houses if our parents don't know them. Latino parents are strict, the good ones. Some of our home countries are very dangerous places, so direct immigrants are typically overprotective. It didn't seem fun to me at the time, but after watching Abducted in Plain Sight, I became very grateful.
6. Latin-American: One of the things us children-of-immigrants go through is the fact that we feel very much like we are neither here nor there. We're not fully Mexican/Salvadoran/Guatemalan/whatever, but we're not fully American. I'm sure other minorities feel this as well. It's an interesting in-between place we inhabit. We're really a new breed, a mixture like the Anglo-Saxons or the Spanish-Arabics. It happens throughout history, but we're still looked down on as all new generations are. Even as we celebrate July 4, join the military, say the Pledge of Allegiance every morning, and protect our skin to keep from getting too brown, we'll never be American enough.
7. Race: It's important to remember that "latino" is an ethnicity, not a race. There are black latinos, Asian latinos, white latinos, and mestizo latinos. Mestizos are the most overlooked and misunderstood, so I'll break it down really quick. Mestizos are mixed from Mesoamerican natives and Spanish settlers. The Spanish settlers were mixed from whites and Arabics after being under Moorish rule for like 700 years. That's why Spanish and Arabic have lots of similarities, like the words for "carpet", "sugar", and "blouse". Then the Spanish came over and killed everyone, stole everything, and raped what was left, and 9 months later, ta-da, here we are. So mestizos (literally meaning "mixed") are white, Arabic, and Native American all wrapped in one nice brown package. Some of us look more native, some of us look more European. Because of the benefits of being white-passing, there unfortunately exists a fair amount of colorism. White skin is seen as more attractive.
8. Sex: Sex education in the home isn't a thing in latino families. Sex is bad, don't do it. (That's why we have higher rates of unplanned pregnancies.)
9. History: I highly recommend looking into the history of both the mother country of the specific character as well as chicano history in general. Latin-Americans have come a long way in this country and we've clearly still got a long way to go. Even now, there's "Good Mexicans" and "Bad Mexicans". We're still not people. We're illegal aliens. (That label is not used by accident. Those words are dehumanizing for a reason.) It's a whole thing and this isn't the site for politics, but it's still very important when it comes to Latin-American culture. Whether or not you're gonna be kicked out of the country tomorrow puts lots of stress on people, which creates toxic family environments, which leads to crime, alcoholism, and gang violence, and then they get to point at that and say "See? They're bad! Get them out!" Immigration laws have always been discriminatory (Irish Catholics for their religion, Chinese people due to sinophobia, etc.) and in the case of Latin-America, they're so complex and needlessly bureaucratic that even the American businesses that are contracting cheap latino workers and bringing them over are doing it illegally because they can't be bothered to go through the expensive and complicated "right way" channels. Long story short, what I'm saying is that studying the history is important, as is seeing these people as people. We just want opportunities like everyone else. The difference between us and "Americans" is that one of us was lucky enough to be born here. The rest of us weren't as lucky and had to work a little harder. No person is illegal.


Growing Up Poor
1. It's Not What It Looks Like: Being poor doesn't always mean looking poor. The caricature of a kid in raggedy clothes begging on the street or a teen delinquent in a gang is really stereotypical and misleading.
2. The Necessities: Housing might consist of a one or two bedroom apartment, trailer, or house. Food is probably one home-cooked meal (dinner) with everything else being things that are easy enough for the kids to make themselves, since mom and dad are working. Clothes and tech are second-hand, so everything is a few generations behind.
3. Parenting: Mom and dad work. A lot. If there even is a mom and a dad. So other caretakers like teachers and babysitters are very important. Kids are either latchkey, in an after-school program, at a babysitter's, or some combination of all three.
4. School Rocks: Lots of schools provide free or reduced price meals for low-income kids, which is lit because we got two free meals a day.
5. The Value of Money: Low-income kids will definitely feel money heavier than middle class kids, even into adulthood. Most of us are frugal and will reject charity. Or, lots of us go the other direction; as soon as we come into some money, we buy the lavish things we never had growing up.
6. The Extras and the Lack Thereof: We don't get fancy toys. We don't get piano lessons. We don't get DirectTV. We don't get the newest console. We hardly get new anything. You know that whole "fear of missing out" thing people keep talking about? We missed out a lot. It felt bad, man. The worst part is, I go to auditions and it's a bunch of kids who are way better than me at singing, dancing, and acting because they had the money to do it their whole lives and parents who weren't too tired after work to go to their recitals. So even now as an adult, it still affects me.




Hope my venting about latino history and my childhood helped someone with something or other!

 

[Bone2pick]

7. This is an important one: Parents, therapists and teachers of autistic people are not experts!! Their perspectives can be important and meaningful, but at the end of the day they don't know what it's like to live with the disability and often present a much more bleak lens on our daily lives.

It should be noted that a significant percentage of individuals on the autistic spectrum lack the capacity to communicate their quality of life. And parents, teachers, and therapists can be "experts" in regards to the level of support an individual might need, or how to best redirect their undesirable behavior, or how to best introduce and teach them a new skill, etc.

 

[bonesbo]

Latin-American Culture

Growing Up Poor
Hope my venting about latino history and my childhood helped someone with something or other!

wow thank you very much! thank you for taking the effort of typing everything out for the purpose of educating a stranger on the internet; i very much appreciate it!

 

[Pandaskel]

wow thank you very much! thank you for taking the effort of typing everything out for the purpose of educating a stranger on the internet; i very much appreciate it!

Thank you for wanting to know! Lots of people couldn't care less. I'd like it if you wrote your own post on being gay and nonbinary for people like myself who are cis and straight and might have trouble writing someone who isn't. This stuff could really help diversify the casts on here!

 

[Jannah]

Latin-American Culture
1. Immigration: The amount of latino-ness will depend on whether or not the character is an immigrant and to what degree. In other words, the strength of their ties to their mother culture depends on whether or not they live in their motherland or, if they don't, how many generations it's been since their family moved. I personally am first generation, meaning I'm the first generation of my family that was born in the U.S. (Note: This list will be U.S.-centric) My parents were born in El Salvador. My parents and I have a very strong tie to the culture and dialect, whereas someone who is third or fourth generation immigrant will be much more of the American side of Latin-American. Someone who is an immigrant or first or second generation American-born might have beans, rice, and tortillas as a staple of their diet, spank their kids, think Vaporub is a miracle cure ointment, and fall into most of the rest of the cultural features on this list.
2. Minority within a minority: We. Are. Not. All. Mexican. You know how assuming that someone is Chinese just because they're Asian is a super no-no? Same thing. It honestly makes me feel physically sick, it's such a total embodiment of ignorance. So extra research on specific cultures, histories, foods, and dialects is always a plus.
3. Family: Family, blood or no, is a huge part of the culture. In sociology, the large communities through either church or family are a distinct feature of latinos. Childcare, food, yard work, car work, everything is provided through these communities. The idea of "throw your kids out at 18 and let them find their fortune, they move states away, only visit on holidays" really isn't a thing.
4. Machismo: Now, machismo definitely used to be very sexist. Women were most definitely property, quinceañeras were a public ceremony to present girls as virgins for potential suitors, etc. There's still traces of that, but mostly machismo continues to exist as the idea that women are to be respected and protected and men are to be strong protectors and providers. This means that kids raised latino will see a distinct difference in how girls and boys are treated. Girls typically have earlier curfews and more scrutiny in who they spend time with, things like that. Boys tend to have more freedom. But from my own experience and from what I've heard from others, this is never painted as a matter of worth, nor are females typically barred from things like education and work.
5. Overprotective parents: Latino kids don't do sleepovers, except possibly with family (and even then). We don't travel far without a trusted adult. We don't have friends of the opposite sex. We don't stay out after dark. We don't hang out at our friends' houses if our parents don't know them. Latino parents are strict, the good ones. Some of our home countries are very dangerous places, so direct immigrants are typically overprotective. It didn't seem fun to me at the time, but after watching Abducted in Plain Sight, I became very grateful.
6. Latin-American: One of the things us children-of-immigrants go through is the fact that we feel very much like we are neither here nor there. We're not fully Mexican/Salvadoran/Guatemalan/whatever, but we're not fully American. I'm sure other minorities feel this as well. It's an interesting in-between place we inhabit. We're really a new breed, a mixture like the Anglo-Saxons or the Spanish-Arabics. It happens throughout history, but we're still looked down on as all new generations are. Even as we celebrate July 4, join the military, say the Pledge of Allegiance every morning, and protect our skin to keep from getting too brown, we'll never be American enough.
7. Race: It's important to remember that "latino" is an ethnicity, not a race. There are black latinos, Asian latinos, white latinos, and mestizo latinos. Mestizos are the most overlooked and misunderstood, so I'll break it down really quick. Mestizos are mixed from Mesoamerican natives and Spanish settlers. The Spanish settlers were mixed from whites and Arabics after being under Moorish rule for like 700 years. That's why Spanish and Arabic have lots of similarities, like the words for "carpet", "sugar", and "blouse". Then the Spanish came over and killed everyone, stole everything, and raped what was left, and 9 months later, ta-da, here we are. So mestizos (literally meaning "mixed") are white, Arabic, and Native American all wrapped in one nice brown package. Some of us look more native, some of us look more European. Because of the benefits of being white-passing, there unfortunately exists a fair amount of colorism. White skin is seen as more attractive.
8. Sex: Sex education in the home isn't a thing in latino families. Sex is bad, don't do it. (That's why we have higher rates of unplanned pregnancies.)
9. History: I highly recommend looking into the history of both the mother country of the specific character as well as chicano history in general. Latin-Americans have come a long way in this country and we've clearly still got a long way to go. Even now, there's "Good Mexicans" and "Bad Mexicans". We're still not people. We're illegal aliens. (That label is not used by accident. Those words are dehumanizing for a reason.) It's a whole thing and this isn't the site for politics, but it's still very important when it comes to Latin-American culture. Whether or not you're gonna be kicked out of the country tomorrow puts lots of stress on people, which creates toxic family environments, which leads to crime, alcoholism, and gang violence, and then they get to point at that and say "See? They're bad! Get them out!" Immigration laws have always been discriminatory (Irish Catholics for their religion, Chinese people due to sinophobia, etc.) and in the case of Latin-America, they're so complex and needlessly bureaucratic that even the American businesses that are contracting cheap latino workers and bringing them over are doing it illegally because they can't be bothered to go through the expensive and complicated "right way" channels. Long story short, what I'm saying is that studying the history is important, as is seeing these people as people. We just want opportunities like everyone else. The difference between us and "Americans" is that one of us was lucky enough to be born here. The rest of us weren't as lucky and had to work a little harder. No person is illegal.


Growing Up Poor
1. It's Not What It Looks Like: Being poor doesn't always mean looking poor. The caricature of a kid in raggedy clothes begging on the street or a teen delinquent in a gang is really stereotypical and misleading.
2. The Necessities: Housing might consist of a one or two bedroom apartment, trailer, or house. Food is probably one home-cooked meal (dinner) with everything else being things that are easy enough for the kids to make themselves, since mom and dad are working. Clothes and tech are second-hand, so everything is a few generations behind.
3. Parenting: Mom and dad work. A lot. If there even is a mom and a dad. So other caretakers like teachers and babysitters are very important. Kids are either latchkey, in an after-school program, at a babysitter's, or some combination of all three.
4. School Rocks: Lots of schools provide free or reduced price meals for low-income kids, which is lit because we got two free meals a day.
5. The Value of Money: Low-income kids will definitely feel money heavier than middle class kids, even into adulthood. Most of us are frugal and will reject charity. Or, lots of us go the other direction; as soon as we come into some money, we buy the lavish things we never had growing up.
6. The Extras and the Lack Thereof: We don't get fancy toys. We don't get piano lessons. We don't get DirectTV. We don't get the newest console. We hardly get new anything. You know that whole "fear of missing out" thing people keep talking about? We missed out a lot. It felt bad, man. The worst part is, I go to auditions and it's a bunch of kids who are way better than me at singing, dancing, and acting because they had the money to do it their whole lives and parents who weren't too tired after work to go to their recitals. So even now as an adult, it still affects me.




Hope my venting about latino history and my childhood helped someone with something or other!

I also grew up poor so this stuff about poverty I feel so much. Damn.

 

[SakuraBlossom28]

I also grew up poor so this stuff about poverty I feel so much. Damn.

Same

 

[Jannah]

Religion, oh my lord, I will keep it short. Don't do it lol. Don't marry outside of your faith if you hold on to it so strongly. Or at least, don't do it if you are planning on having kids raised in two different faiths. Cause regardless of one converting, one of the family ain't converted and you will be harassed to conform when you are with them... There will be continuous fights about oh, we aren't allowed to do this celebration "but it's my mother I have to" and all the compromises... It just sucks man.

This is precisely why in my faith we advise against inter-faith marriage. It's simply more trouble than it's worth and we have kind of always realized that.

 

[Chimney Swift]

It should be noted that a significant percentage of individuals on the autistic spectrum lack the capacity to communicate their quality of life. And parents, teachers, and therapists can be "experts" in regards to the level of support an individual might need, or how to best redirect their undesirable behavior, or how to best introduce and teach them a new skill, etc.

This is true! I based the comment solely on the issue of writing from the perspective of an autistic person, though.

Caring for someone with a disability and having a disability are totally different experiences.

 

[apolla]

•mood/personality/mental disorders such as schizophrenia/bipolar/DID/ADHD

So I'm bipolar; I was a late teen when diagnosed, though I was diagnosed with depression at the age of 12. If you look up the word 'depression' on Merriam-Webster's website, you get this:

1: an act of depressing or a state of being depressed: such as
a(1): a state of feeling sad
(2): a mood disorder marked especially by sadness, inactivity, difficulty in thinking and concentration, a significant increase or decrease in appetite and time spent sleeping, feelings of dejection and hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal tendencies

Which overall, is correct. I'm glad they added a2, because a1 ("a state of feeling sad") is not exactly all there is to it.

The National Institute of Mental Health defines bipolar disorder as a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels, and the ability to carry out day-to-day tasks. You have bipolar 1, 2, and a third style called cyclothymic disorder that isn't as severe as the first two. Bipolar 1 and 2 are different based on how the manic and depressive episodes last. This is also on the NIMH's website:

• Bipolar I Disorder— defined by manic episodes that last at least 7 days, or by manic symptoms that are so severe that the person needs immediate hospital care. Usually, depressive episodes occur as well, typically lasting at least 2 weeks. Episodes of depression with mixed features (having depression and manic symptoms at the same time) are also possible.
• Bipolar II Disorder— defined by a pattern of depressive episodes and hypomanic episodes, but not the full-blown manic episodes described above.

So for me, it was evident at a young age that I was depressed. I'd lost my father at the age of seven; that's where I believe it all stemmed from. It didn't get pointed out to my mom until I was in middle school. I remember sitting in the office with my mom and my principal, and I was in the top percentile of my class. My principal asked if I knew what that meant, and I remember telling her and my mom that it meant that __% (I don't remember the number) was smarter than me. It's a small comment, but showed them that I couldn't see the 'glass half full'. It led to lots of therapy and medication and arguments about taking said medication, and so much more. I remember standing in the kitchen with my mom, her practically begging me to take my medication. I'd refuse. She'd threaten me, or take something away instead to get me to take them. I'd take them for a few months, feel fine, and then stop taking them and the process would start all over.

Spoiler: TW - self harm

Depression is sadness, but it's so much more than just that. It's feeling like you're not worth a damn, that no one loves you, and that there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I spent years tearing myself down, to the point where I'm properly medication over ten years later and I still have issues looking in the mirror because I don't like what I see. I never wanted to die, but I just wanted the mental anguish I felt to go away. I started cutting myself, and stealing razor blades to do so. I cut for YEARS, and what alot of the therapists didn't understand was-- I did it because I liked it. I did it because it was a pain that I could control, unlike the pain in my mind. I did tell a therapist that once; ended up in a mental hospital. Alot of them DO want to help, but saying something like that does not sit well with them. Sometimes now, years later, I still miss cutting. It became my coping mechanism, the way I dealt with things, and now I have to remind myself that it's not healthy and find something else. But the urge will always be there.

As I got older, my anger and my mania got worse. I remember lashing out at people (especially my mom), kicking trash cans, slamming doors. This anger in my soul, this fire, it was new to me. I'd never really had anger problems as a young child. These were my manic episodes, and they could last anywhere from a few hours to a few days, sometimes even weeks. There are other manic symptoms, such as:

• Feel very “up,” “high,” or elated
• Have a lot of energy
• Have increased activity levels
• Feel “jumpy” or “wired”
• Have trouble sleeping
• Become more active than usual
• Talk really fast about a lot of different things
• Be agitated, irritable, or “touchy”
• Feel like their thoughts are going very fast
• Think they can do a lot of things at once
• Do risky things, like spend a lot of money or have reckless sex

(Those were taken direction from NIHM's website, as were these

Depression symptoms:

• Feel very sad, down, empty, or hopeless
• Have very little energy
• Have decreased activity levels
• Have trouble sleeping, they may sleep too little or too much
• Feel like they can’t enjoy anything
• Feel worried and empty
• Have trouble concentrating
• Forget things a lot
• Eat too much or too little
• Feel tired or “slowed down”
• Think about death or suicide

So as you can see, there's more to bipolar and depression than just "being sad". It's unclear what exactly causes the disorder, though they think it may be linked to a few things, such as genetics, family history, even brain wiring/structure. There are medications you can take, therapies you can try. Some people get by without either, but that doesn't mean their version of bipolar is "less severe" than anyone's. Sometimes it takes many trial and error sessions before you find the right therapist and/or medication for you. Sometimes stressors can affect these, as well. For example, when I was in my early 20's, I was engaged and my fiance died of a heroin overdose. My medication stability was affected because of this loss. Your dosage may need to be adjusted during this time.

Never EVER just stop taking mental health medications cold turkey. This can lead to increased suicidal actions/thoughts.

When it comes to roleplaying, I agree with what someone above me said. Don't make the mental illness the center of your character, or the only aspect of your character. There is so much more to them than whatever disorder they have (that goes for real people, too). Just try to be realistic. Research. Ask questions. And remember, no one is perfect.

I hope this helps!

 

[bonesbo]

So I'm bipolar
I hope this helps!

wow , yes, thank you for sharing

 

[FoolsErin]

We [generally] really don't care enough. (I've yet to meet someone who does)
Though must admit, Sheldons are annoying.

....I’m mildly autistic and I sort of mind. One time in a discord rp, this one person (Yes, the infamous Charlie I mentioned on another thread.) had basically the son of one of their older characters who was autistic. There was literally nothing slightly “autistic” about him except that he did really weird (and occasionally violent) things out of nowhere. It kinda made me mad.

Hello!
I am a physically and mentally able, financially stable caucasion, (gay and nonbinary); however, I love to write with diverse characters of varying stories, ethnicities, and sometimes physical/mental disabilities.
If anyone is willing, I’d love to know big NOPES for writing either a main or side person as someone that is not my own experience. I’d love to know what things you like to see your community portrayed as.
Here are some traits/characteristics I’d like to learn more about, how to write about or what to avoid when writing about (if that makes sense)
•African American culture
-: people with kinky/extremely curly hair and how much people care to style or write about it
•Latin American culture
•East Asian American culture
•hard of hearing/deaf
•blind/legally blind
•anywhere on autism spectrum physical/mental abilities
•growing up in poverty/low income household
•growing up with one/none/same-sex parents/ nanny
•mood/personality/mental disorders such as schizophrenia/bipolar/DID/ADHD
•literally anything else I love learning about people’s experiences

I understand that since I personally do not experience certain things, its not always the best idea to write a first person perspective with it, so I try to avoid that as muchas possible. I try to avoid detrimental stereotypes and do my research how to properly characterise.
Please give me tips on what to avoid and what to include and properly represent you!

Anyways, I’d like to talk a little more about stimming, since Chimney briefly mentioned it. I personally tend to fidget with a metal slinky whenever and wherever I can. Now, I really can’t say anything about how other autistic people feel about their fidgets, but I admittedly am sort of attached to mine. If I can bring it along, I sure as hell will bring it along. Whenever I don’t have it when I totally could have it, I tend to feel this sort of...mixture of dread and anxiety as if something’s missing. When I do have it, I tend to feel this kinda satisfied satisfaction when I play with it. The slinky sorta also helps me think up ideas, I guess? It’s hard to explain, but the sensation I get from bouncing it around gets the gears turning. Yea, I’ve literally never asked anyone else about this, so I literally don’t know if any of this is beyond me or if anyone else really fidgets with things that aren’t really fidget toys like I do.

Meltdowns. Oh boy. Some of you have might have seen a video of an autistic child throwing a tantrum and crying.

...I don’t do it on a toddler-like screaming scale, but yea, I do occasionally break down like that. It’s really hard to explain it from a first person POV, but it’s basically when my stress gets to be a little too much, a part of my rational brain sorta just...shuts down. Then the waterworks (aka tears) start, and I am basically sitting in a pit of sadness and frustration. until I burn myself out, or whatever thing caused me to get irritated in the first place gets resolved. I know that’s not a very good description, but I don’t enjoy thinking about these moments of when I lose control of my emotions.

 

[bonesbo]

....I’m mildly autistic and I sort of mind. One time in a discord rp, this one person (Yes, the infamous Charlie I mentioned on another thread.) had basically the son of one of their older characters who was autistic. There was literally nothing slightly “autistic” about him except that he did really weird (and occasionally violent) things out of nowhere. It kinda made me mad.




Anyways, I’d like to talk a little more about stimming, since Chimney briefly mentioned it. I personally tend to fidget with a metal slinky whenever and wherever I can. Now, I really can’t say anything about how other autistic people feel about their fidgets, but I admittedly am sort of attached to mine. If I can bring it along, I sure as hell will bring it along. Whenever I don’t have it when I totally could have it, I tend to feel this sort of...mixture of dread and anxiety as if something’s missing. When I do have it, I tend to feel this kinda satisfied satisfaction when I play with it. The slinky sorta also helps me think up ideas, I guess? It’s hard to explain, but the sensation I get from bouncing it around gets the gears turning. Yea, I’ve literally never asked anyone else about this, so I literally don’t know if any of this is beyond me or if anyone else really fidgets with things that aren’t really fidget toys like I do.

Meltdowns. Oh boy. Some of you have might have seen a video of an autistic child throwing a tantrum and crying.

...I don’t do it on a toddler-like screaming scale, but yea, I do occasionally break down like that. It’s really hard to explain it from a first person POV, but it’s basically when my stress gets to be a little too much, a part of my rational brain sorta just...shuts down. Then the waterworks (aka tears) start, and I am basically sitting in a pit of sadness and frustration. until I burn myself out, or whatever thing caused me to get irritated in the first place gets resolved. I know that’s not a very good description, but I don’t enjoy thinking about these moments of when I lose control of my emotions.

no no every little bit helps thank you for taking time to inform me!

 

[kevintheradioguy]

I’m mildly autistic and I sort of mind.

Well, you're the first one! Whoever of the diagnosed spectrum I meet (including myself), no one really cares about portrayal us in media - let alone games - in any manner. I was very surprised because if the sensitivity so many media users show off, but then it made sense to me, as spectrum is overwhelmingly non-epathwtic and generally not very emotional in regards to society relations. I guess the lighter spectrum people might care enough... but I guess the predominant majority doesn't give a fuck. And I mean not self-diagnosed people, because lord knows there's a lot of them these days. XD

 

[Pine]

•mood/personality/mental disorders such as schizophrenia/bipolar/DID/ADHD

rly quick i want to first plug for kibou 's tutorial he wrote to give some basic pointers on how/where to research disorders + a lot of lists for clinical diagnostics on the majority of mental illnesses. (we're both american which could be important bc the us uses similar but different diagnostic material from most of the rest of the world.) theres also a personal account i wrote on my experience with adhd thats in a spoiler there, but i wrote that several years ago and i dont trust past-me to do a good job with explaining things. i honestly dont have very many friends that are also For Sure diagnosed with adhd so i can only speak from my experience, the research ive done and what ive learned getting my ba in psychology (which admittedly isnt much, having a bachelors in psych doesnt make you an expert on anything lmfao).

real quick clarification on the 3 adhd types:

• predominately inattentive type (commonly known as add, what im diagnosed with)
• predominately hyperactive type (kind of "classical" adhd and what everyones going to think of if you say adhd)
• combined type (i cant confirm this but i believe almost everyone has this to some degree, but it all has to do with counts of x symptoms and y symptoms)

so im ftm and only started transitioning like two years ago, which is relevant to point out because the diagnosis for males and females has historically been very different. when ppl started first doing research for adhd, it was almost exclusively young (probably white) boys, so their symptoms are more easily recognizable especially regarding hyperactive adhd. otherwise its pretty common for adhd to be misdiagnosed or not diagnosed at all, which i'll explain in a bit.

my understanding of it is that females generally exhibit more subdued symptoms because societal expectations in a misogynistic culture! boys will get a shake of the head and a "boys will be boys" for anytime they act out but girls are generally more harshly ridiculed for stepping out of the Demure Ladylike role when a hyperactive girl cant stop fidgeting and sitting "wrong" then suddenly you can see up this 5-year-old's dress and yeah lol you get the picture. females will often adapt way more & faster to looking neurotypical than males will, hence reason no. 2 of girls being underdiagnosed.

when i was diagnosed, i think it was mostly because my sister (older by four years) was being screened and they just thought they might as well test me too. she happened to be some sort of Mega Extreme hyperactive type (theres like 50 different ways of categorizing adhd both past and present it just depends on who you talk to ahsgjdkgh) so idk if i would have ever been diagnosed if it wasnt for her. i have no memory of getting diagnosed, all i know was i talked to some psychiatrist and i grew up not knowing my symptoms and eventually just forgetting i was diagnosed at all.

im white and dont know if race has any significant impact on diagnosing adhd specifically. a general rule of thumb is that colored people are most often noticed for "acting out" (hence black people disproportionately being dxd with schizophrenia) but also generally being lower-income and unable to afford the treatment that white parents more often have the means of dishing out (as someone mentioned before).

i took medication early on in school, the exact same as my sister, but that didnt last longer than maybe a year. adhd medication is usually seen as something as a last resort and is best used in "emergency situations" because its generally like an amphetamine and i believe can be really addictive? and ppl with adhd are prone to being susceptible to addictions to begin with. for me as a kid, it wrecked my appetite and i remember literally being bribed by staff in the cafeteria to eat. (doesnt help that it was public school lunch and not like, u know, mcdonalds lol).

either way adhd didnt ever impact me TOO MUCH going through grade school. like in early elementary school id often have to be in study hall instead of recess where i had piles of projects/unfinished worksheets that id later rush through all at once.

the main key thing about adhd representation esp inattentive type is procrastination. if there is a deadline you can almost guarantee an adhd person WILL push a project right up until the deadline NO MATTER how fucking huge the project is. it takes a LOT of willpower, practice, therapy, trial and error strategies et fucking cetera to be able to work on a project "little by little." the best way to do this is to break something down into smaller goals, but this in itself is daunting to an adhd brain because you can often forget the lists you tried making, and usually you need to self-discipline/self-enforce those deadlines for those smaller goals which is a LOT less real than the ACTUAL deadline someones imposing on you. making a draft for an essay is absolute hell.

the extremely likely reason for this is because adhd is an impairment of this sort of "feedback loop" in your brain. neurotypical brains will release feel-good dopamine when you accomplish any sort of goal, but adhd brain only gets that (and generally in much smaller amount) for short-term consequences (good or bad, but mostly good). adhd brain literally cannot recognize long-term rewards and has a SHIT TON of difficulty working up the motivation to work towards those goals, which is not to MENTION that your (inattentive) brain will be CONSTANTLY seeking out some sort of PLEASING stimulation just to get any TASTE of dopamine.

so the stereotype of an adhd kid going SQUIRREL every time they see a squirrel isnt really telling the full story. its not that adhd people are oblivious to our attention problems. we are UNWILLFULLY distracted and honestly it fucking sucks.

inattentive adhd people, who usually have less behavioral issues, are often seen as lazy because it looks like we're getting nothing done. people dont see the effort we're putting into getting things done because 95% of our energy is being put into trying to concentrate on things we're not interested in and don't want to do. when i was PEAK frustrated and feeling a little dramatic as a kid, i'd literally scratch at my head and almost crying screaming at myself so concentrate. (im usually not that dramatic though, this only happened maybe three times.)

for most of my time as a kid, i wasnt allowed to own specifically any video games that were attached to the tv. video games especially rpgs are PERFECT for adhd brains because almost every action you do gives you a reward. you can visibly see your exp increase, theres levels and your have just a bunch of numerical indicators of payoff for your efforts. its the epitome of short-term rewards.

see also for all of this: cognitive dysfunction

but back on all of this about being lazy. adhd can lead to some serious self-esteem issues. especially if you dont know about your symptoms, you can internalize the message of being lazy, and when your grades start to suffer because of cramming until a deadline (when the consequences finally seem real and your brain can recognize them and concentrate), you can start to feel really fucking stupid. thats how adhd can mimic symptoms of depressive and anxiety disorders, which are common misdiagnoses

i also want to explain now that while adhd brains have trouble focusing on those long-term tasks we hate, its VERY easy to latch onto and be productive in the things that we ARE interested in. (another way that we can be misconstrued as lazy.) theres the term "hyperfocus" where adhd people get engrossed in what they're doing. its this almost unshakable concentration and is SUCH a rush when you get it and ive literally worked hours nonstop on something i was hyperfocusing on and ignoring biological needs like needing to pee, eat, drink water. the problem with hyperfocus (at least for me) is that once i have it and i know im in that state, i have a fear of losing it because as soon as i step away from that, its almost impossible to get back into that mindset. usually i have to stop because ive abstained from eating/rest/whatever else for too long to where i get a headache/feel nauseated and can no longer be productive.

another symptom of adhd is a poor grasp on the passage of time. something that should realistically take ten minutes may seem like itll take two hours, or something that you work on for seven hours can feel like 30 minutes. time just doesnt always exist. wearing a watch and checking that regularly has gotten me pretty good with sensing the passage of time and accurately guessing when its been an hour, but often if im playing a game six hours can pass by like nothing. when i get interrupted by someone when im hyperfocusing im VERY irritable and snappy lol, probably made worse that ive already worked myself to feeling sick. anyway, this makes it to where i'm either having to arrive to appointments/classes super early otherwise its almost GUARANTEED i'll be late.

i also dont know if this is a Me thing or an Adhd thing (i think it might be adhd) but i become extremely interested in certain things bordering on the point of obsession. its not like im thinking about it every second of every day, but like right now id argue i have some really "special interests" in getting to know my boyfriend better (to where i do think about it often during the day) which has been a thing since probably ~december of 2017 to the point where if the people that im close to arent actively expecting me to bring him up in conversation almost every time we talk its Just because im restraining myself for their sakes. before and kind of overlapping with that was my interest in middle eastern politics and learning more about the historical politics of abrahamic religions esp islam (still kind of interested in these things i just dont have as much time recently). another thing was at least for 6 months i was completely obsessed with the first season of gotham. theyre just these long-enduring interests of mine that i Will end up suddenly being VERY knowledgeable in these areas. its not as if i CANT talk about other things that im less interested in during these times, its just that usually i dont want to and i wont always be putting the same amount of effort into those conversations lol.

but when i get burned out on one of these interests is really the worst parts of my life. everything can seem really empty and theres just this hollow emptiness and ill keep HOPING for the next thing to fill it, because in the mean time ill feel like absolute shit and UNBEARABLY bored.

fun fact that adhd overlaps a lot with autistic symptoms and is pretty commonly comorbid (meaning diagnosed with both) with being on the spectrum, as well as other developmental/learning disabilities (+conduct disorder?). i have a lot of autistic friends that i feel i can relate to a lot better than people who are neither autistic nor have adhd, but im still learning a lot about autism so i wouldnt be able to tell you the specifics of this overlap. i think adhd people can enjoy stimming too but id need to confirm that. (also forgive me if it sounds like im talking abt autism as more of a "disorder" than just being neurodivergent to the autistic ppl in this thread, i wasnt sure how else to phrase that.)

the other HUGE misconception about adhd is that its exclusively a childhood disorder. its not, and i would even argue that its worse entering adulthood. following the normal white-family trajectory of getting kicked out of your house asap, when you go off to live at a dorm in college, you lose a LOT of the structure and consequences that you had previously that helped keep you on track.

suddenly you're having to be almost entirely self-sufficient and you'll often NEED to study, whereas before grades weren't as important/the material was a lot easier/your parents may have kept track of you doing your homework, etc. college was a HUGE adjustment for me and a blow to my self-esteem because this is when suddenly i saw myself making grades that were drastically lower than where i expected them to be. studying is almost IMPOSSIBLE because its this BORING, REPETITIVE task of no NEW information, so its not INTERESTING anymore, and me trying to Study for spanish usually meant me reading over a word and not processing it whatsoever. so even when i Did manage to force myself to study, it was really a waste of time because i wasnt doing it the right way for my brain.

i had to re-remember that i had adhd and look up treatments, strategies and etc. before i could adapt. eventually what i worked out is that i needed to trick myself into being interested in the material (after all, i was learning something new and my major was within my Big interests) and trying to memorize everything by reinforcing as much as possible all at once (i.e. showing up to class for visual reinforcement from hearing my professor discuss the lesson, visual reinforcement from reading the powerpoints and subsequently the notes i was taking, then reinforcement via writing them down which forced me to process how to succinctly word the important information and also just the physical act of pencil to paper which i should point out that even if its popular to take notes via your laptop it is NOT helpful because youre pushing buttons instead of drawing letters).

that worked fine for college when i finally figured out this strategy the last two semesters of college (research essays were still a procrastination cycle of hell, but again i still have yet to get back on medication + most universities offer accommodations and i never took advantage of that).

but now job seeking is the stage of adulthood that im at where its a whole new struggle of having to perform a task with no clear reward at the end (getting hired for the job you want or really any job for that matter). i dont know how typical this is for adhd people but its been over a year since i first tried getting a CareerTM and im only just now becoming somewhat efficient with applying to jobs. what looks like depressive symptoms has gotten way worse.

anyway i apparently lied about keeping this brief but i feel like theres just so much to the disorder and its really important to understand how the brain works with this before you can understand the behaviors it causes. like adhd doesnt make up a person's personality, but it DOES inform almost everything that i do in some way or another, if that makes sense???? because its literally just how your brain is wired. and sorry i didnt mean to bitch about my life lol im just trying to emphasize the ways this can make your life way more difficult

other things off the top of my head i can think of are: being forgetful (about things that dont interest you), misplacing things (usually if they feel unimportant like ive locked my keys in my car multiple times but it can be important things too sometimes), disorganized thought, and for hyperactive people INTERRUPTING others lmfao (theyre not trying to be rude, they just have a lot of thoughts going on they dont want to forget! and poor impulse control lol). a lot of the symptoms like hyperactivity will seem to "mellow out" in adulthood but i believe its honestly just learning how to exhibit those symptoms in more socially acceptable ways.

if you have adhd its like a really high chance of passing it down to ur kids, like 50% or smth?????? but its definitely something that you'll probably start out with in childhood then deal with for the rest of your life (so again usually diagnoses occur in childhood and i think if youre an adult thats when youre even more likely to be misdiagnosed bc most people only learn about adhd in the context of children !! but getting diagnosed is essential to treating the symptoms)

side note too that i did way better in school than my sister, who got put on academic suspension in college, has failed classes before and had to retake them (but returned and completed her degree so good for her!!), needed a tutor in high school for math etc. etc. academics are a big struggle for ppl with adhd not because we're stupid but just because we do Not work well with the current way public schools are structured. (less homework/testing-completion focus and probably more geared towards just checking on kids LEARNING regardless of grades would probably be an environment adhd kids can thrive in.)

tl;dr imo adhd is in a way possibly one of the most misunderstood mental disorders and because its pretty common and the name seems pretty mild i think people really underestimate the severity of it

i hope i explained this well enough. i dont think itd hurt to look at the diagnostic criteria/list of symptoms but its hard to get the Real picture of how & why that way, because you dont always see those symptoms all the time, they vary in severity between each person, etc. lmk if something wasnt clear or if you have any other questions bc im sure i forgot something or several things

 

[d1uni5ys24si3o]

Honestly... I hate how frustrating it is to interact with autistic people. I don’t understand it, no matter how much I try, even watching videos online about what it’s like to have autism and living with it... I can’t understand it for some reason.

When interacting with diagnosed autistic individuals, I just feel so isolated and utterly confused. It’s so frustrating because suddenly all my social cues are thrown out the window. It’s like a full disorientation, nothing I know makes sense. What I normally perceive correctly is now wrong, or at least said to be wrong.

I guess, in a way, that’s how someone whose autistic feels around “normal” individuals. That frustration and social isolation is probably how they feel on a daily basis.

Idk but i’ll be looking at this thread to learn more about that specifically cause it’s one of the few disorders I can’t roleplay nor wish to roleplay considering I can’t understand for shit.

I hope my comment didnt pass as rude or anything, i really didnt mean it that way... I just really want to know how it feels and how the thinking process works (for instance, when and when not to stop talking, etc) so I could be of better help to some of my students.

 

[d1uni5ys24si3o]

rly quick i want to first plug for kibou 's tutorial he wrote to give some basic pointers on how/where to research disorders + a lot of lists for clinical diagnostics on the majority of mental illnesses. (we're both american which could be important bc the us uses similar but different diagnostic material from most of the rest of the world.) theres also a personal account i wrote on my experience with adhd thats in a spoiler there, but i wrote that several years ago and i dont trust past-me to do a good job with explaining things. i honestly dont have very many friends that are also For Sure diagnosed with adhd so i can only speak from my experience, the research ive done and what ive learned getting my ba in psychology (which admittedly isnt much, having a bachelors in psych doesnt make you an expert on anything lmfao).

real quick clarification on the 3 adhd types:

• predominately inattentive type (commonly known as add, what im diagnosed with)
• predominately hyperactive type (kind of "classical" adhd and what everyones going to think of if you say adhd)
• combined type (i cant confirm this but i believe almost everyone has this to some degree, but it all has to do with counts of x symptoms and y symptoms)

so im ftm and only started transitioning like two years ago, which is relevant to point out because the diagnosis for males and females has historically been very different. when ppl started first doing research for adhd, it was almost exclusively young (probably white) boys, so their symptoms are more easily recognizable especially regarding hyperactive adhd. otherwise its pretty common for adhd to be misdiagnosed or not diagnosed at all, which i'll explain in a bit.

my understanding of it is that females generally exhibit more subdued symptoms because societal expectations in a misogynistic culture! boys will get a shake of the head and a "boys will be boys" for anytime they act out but girls are generally more harshly ridiculed for stepping out of the Demure Ladylike role when a hyperactive girl cant stop fidgeting and sitting "wrong" then suddenly you can see up this 5-year-old's dress and yeah lol you get the picture. females will often adapt way more & faster to looking neurotypical than males will, hence reason no. 2 of girls being underdiagnosed.

when i was diagnosed, i think it was mostly because my sister (older by four years) was being screened and they just thought they might as well test me too. she happened to be some sort of Mega Extreme hyperactive type (theres like 50 different ways of categorizing adhd both past and present it just depends on who you talk to ahsgjdkgh) so idk if i would have ever been diagnosed if it wasnt for her. i have no memory of getting diagnosed, all i know was i talked to some psychiatrist and i grew up not knowing my symptoms and eventually just forgetting i was diagnosed at all.

im white and dont know if race has any significant impact on diagnosing adhd specifically. a general rule of thumb is that colored people are most often noticed for "acting out" (hence black people disproportionately being dxd with schizophrenia) but also generally being lower-income and unable to afford the treatment that white parents more often have the means of dishing out (as someone mentioned before).

i took medication early on in school, the exact same as my sister, but that didnt last longer than maybe a year. adhd medication is usually seen as something as a last resort and is best used in "emergency situations" because its generally like an amphetamine and i believe can be really addictive? and ppl with adhd are prone to being susceptible to addictions to begin with. for me as a kid, it wrecked my appetite and i remember literally being bribed by staff in the cafeteria to eat. (doesnt help that it was public school lunch and not like, u know, mcdonalds lol).

either way adhd didnt ever impact me TOO MUCH going through grade school. like in early elementary school id often have to be in study hall instead of recess where i had piles of projects/unfinished worksheets that id later rush through all at once.

the main key thing about adhd representation esp inattentive type is procrastination. if there is a deadline you can almost guarantee an adhd person WILL push a project right up until the deadline NO MATTER how fucking huge the project is. it takes a LOT of willpower, practice, therapy, trial and error strategies et fucking cetera to be able to work on a project "little by little." the best way to do this is to break something down into smaller goals, but this in itself is daunting to an adhd brain because you can often forget the lists you tried making, and usually you need to self-discipline/self-enforce those deadlines for those smaller goals which is a LOT less real than the ACTUAL deadline someones imposing on you. making a draft for an essay is absolute hell.

the extremely likely reason for this is because adhd is an impairment of this sort of "feedback loop" in your brain. neurotypical brains will release feel-good dopamine when you accomplish any sort of goal, but adhd brain only gets that (and generally in much smaller amount) for short-term consequences (good or bad, but mostly good). adhd brain literally cannot recognize long-term rewards and has a SHIT TON of difficulty working up the motivation to work towards those goals, which is not to MENTION that your (inattentive) brain will be CONSTANTLY seeking out some sort of PLEASING stimulation just to get any TASTE of dopamine.

so the stereotype of an adhd kid going SQUIRREL every time they see a squirrel isnt really telling the full story. its not that adhd people are oblivious to our attention problems. we are UNWILLFULLY distracted and honestly it fucking sucks.

inattentive adhd people, who usually have less behavioral issues, are often seen as lazy because it looks like we're getting nothing done. people dont see the effort we're putting into getting things done because 95% of our energy is being put into trying to concentrate on things we're not interested in and don't want to do. when i was PEAK frustrated and feeling a little dramatic as a kid, i'd literally scratch at my head and almost crying screaming at myself so concentrate. (im usually not that dramatic though, this only happened maybe three times.)

for most of my time as a kid, i wasnt allowed to own specifically any video games that were attached to the tv. video games especially rpgs are PERFECT for adhd brains because almost every action you do gives you a reward. you can visibly see your exp increase, theres levels and your have just a bunch of numerical indicators of payoff for your efforts. its the epitome of short-term rewards.

see also for all of this: cognitive dysfunction

but back on all of this about being lazy. adhd can lead to some serious self-esteem issues. especially if you dont know about your symptoms, you can internalize the message of being lazy, and when your grades start to suffer because of cramming until a deadline (when the consequences finally seem real and your brain can recognize them and concentrate), you can start to feel really fucking stupid. thats how adhd can mimic symptoms of depressive and anxiety disorders, which are common misdiagnoses

i also want to explain now that while adhd brains have trouble focusing on those long-term tasks we hate, its VERY easy to latch onto and be productive in the things that we ARE interested in. (another way that we can be misconstrued as lazy.) theres the term "hyperfocus" where adhd people get engrossed in what they're doing. its this almost unshakable concentration and is SUCH a rush when you get it and ive literally worked hours nonstop on something i was hyperfocusing on and ignoring biological needs like needing to pee, eat, drink water. the problem with hyperfocus (at least for me) is that once i have it and i know im in that state, i have a fear of losing it because as soon as i step away from that, its almost impossible to get back into that mindset. usually i have to stop because ive abstained from eating/rest/whatever else for too long to where i get a headache/feel nauseated and can no longer be productive.

another symptom of adhd is a poor grasp on the passage of time. something that should realistically take ten minutes may seem like itll take two hours, or something that you work on for seven hours can feel like 30 minutes. time just doesnt always exist. wearing a watch and checking that regularly has gotten me pretty good with sensing the passage of time and accurately guessing when its been an hour, but often if im playing a game six hours can pass by like nothing. when i get interrupted by someone when im hyperfocusing im VERY irritable and snappy lol, probably made worse that ive already worked myself to feeling sick. anyway, this makes it to where i'm either having to arrive to appointments/classes super early otherwise its almost GUARANTEED i'll be late.

i also dont know if this is a Me thing or an Adhd thing (i think it might be adhd) but i become extremely interested in certain things bordering on the point of obsession. its not like im thinking about it every second of every day, but like right now id argue i have some really "special interests" in getting to know my boyfriend better (to where i do think about it often during the day) which has been a thing since probably ~december of 2017 to the point where if the people that im close to arent actively expecting me to bring him up in conversation almost every time we talk its Just because im restraining myself for their sakes. before and kind of overlapping with that was my interest in middle eastern politics and learning more about the historical politics of abrahamic religions esp islam (still kind of interested in these things i just dont have as much time recently). another thing was at least for 6 months i was completely obsessed with the first season of gotham. theyre just these long-enduring interests of mine that i Will end up suddenly being VERY knowledgeable in these areas. its not as if i CANT talk about other things that im less interested in during these times, its just that usually i dont want to and i wont always be putting the same amount of effort into those conversations lol.

but when i get burned out on one of these interests is really the worst parts of my life. everything can seem really empty and theres just this hollow emptiness and ill keep HOPING for the next thing to fill it, because in the mean time ill feel like absolute shit and UNBEARABLY bored.

fun fact that adhd overlaps a lot with autistic symptoms and is pretty commonly comorbid (meaning diagnosed with both) with being on the spectrum, as well as other developmental/learning disabilities (+conduct disorder?). i have a lot of autistic friends that i feel i can relate to a lot better than people who are neither autistic nor have adhd, but im still learning a lot about autism so i wouldnt be able to tell you the specifics of this overlap. i think adhd people can enjoy stimming too but id need to confirm that. (also forgive me if it sounds like im talking abt autism as more of a "disorder" than just being neurodivergent to the autistic ppl in this thread, i wasnt sure how else to phrase that.)

the other HUGE misconception about adhd is that its exclusively a childhood disorder. its not, and i would even argue that its worse entering adulthood. following the normal white-family trajectory of getting kicked out of your house asap, when you go off to live at a dorm in college, you lose a LOT of the structure and consequences that you had previously that helped keep you on track.

suddenly you're having to be almost entirely self-sufficient and you'll often NEED to study, whereas before grades weren't as important/the material was a lot easier/your parents may have kept track of you doing your homework, etc. college was a HUGE adjustment for me and a blow to my self-esteem because this is when suddenly i saw myself making grades that were drastically lower than where i expected them to be. studying is almost IMPOSSIBLE because its this BORING, REPETITIVE task of no NEW information, so its not INTERESTING anymore, and me trying to Study for spanish usually meant me reading over a word and not processing it whatsoever. so even when i Did manage to force myself to study, it was really a waste of time because i wasnt doing it the right way for my brain.

i had to re-remember that i had adhd and look up treatments, strategies and etc. before i could adapt. eventually what i worked out is that i needed to trick myself into being interested in the material (after all, i was learning something new and my major was within my Big interests) and trying to memorize everything by reinforcing as much as possible all at once (i.e. showing up to class for visual reinforcement from hearing my professor discuss the lesson, visual reinforcement from reading the powerpoints and subsequently the notes i was taking, then reinforcement via writing them down which forced me to process how to succinctly word the important information and also just the physical act of pencil to paper which i should point out that even if its popular to take notes via your laptop it is NOT helpful because youre pushing buttons instead of drawing letters).

that worked fine for college when i finally figured out this strategy the last two semesters of college (research essays were still a procrastination cycle of hell, but again i still have yet to get back on medication + most universities offer accommodations and i never took advantage of that).

but now job seeking is the stage of adulthood that im at where its a whole new struggle of having to perform a task with no clear reward at the end (getting hired for the job you want or really any job for that matter). i dont know how typical this is for adhd people but its been over a year since i first tried getting a CareerTM and im only just now becoming somewhat efficient with applying to jobs. what looks like depressive symptoms has gotten way worse.

anyway i apparently lied about keeping this brief but i feel like theres just so much to the disorder and its really important to understand how the brain works with this before you can understand the behaviors it causes. like adhd doesnt make up a person's personality, but it DOES inform almost everything that i do in some way or another, if that makes sense???? because its literally just how your brain is wired. and sorry i didnt mean to bitch about my life lol im just trying to emphasize the ways this can make your life way more difficult

other things off the top of my head i can think of are: being forgetful (about things that dont interest you), misplacing things (usually if they feel unimportant like ive locked my keys in my car multiple times but it can be important things too sometimes), disorganized thought, and for hyperactive people INTERRUPTING others lmfao (theyre not trying to be rude, they just have a lot of thoughts going on they dont want to forget! and poor impulse control lol). a lot of the symptoms like hyperactivity will seem to "mellow out" in adulthood but i believe its honestly just learning how to exhibit those symptoms in more socially acceptable ways.

if you have adhd its like a really high chance of passing it down to ur kids, like 50% or smth?????? but its definitely something that you'll probably start out with in childhood then deal with for the rest of your life (so again usually diagnoses occur in childhood and i think if youre an adult thats when youre even more likely to be misdiagnosed bc most people only learn about adhd in the context of children !! but getting diagnosed is essential to treating the symptoms)

side note too that i did way better in school than my sister, who got put on academic suspension in college, has failed classes before and had to retake them (but returned and completed her degree so good for her!!), needed a tutor in high school for math etc. etc. academics are a big struggle for ppl with adhd not because we're stupid but just because we do Not work well with the current way public schools are structured. (less homework/testing-completion focus and probably more geared towards just checking on kids LEARNING regardless of grades would probably be an environment adhd kids can thrive in.)

tl;dr imo adhd is in a way possibly one of the most misunderstood mental disorders and because its pretty common and the name seems pretty mild i think people really underestimate the severity of it

i hope i explained this well enough. i dont think itd hurt to look at the diagnostic criteria/list of symptoms but its hard to get the Real picture of how & why that way, because you dont always see those symptoms all the time, they vary in severity between each person, etc. lmk if something wasnt clear or if you have any other questions bc im sure i forgot something or several things

I can relate to about 97% of this lmfao. Except that for some reason I managed to even complete college with barely ever doing homeworks or like stuff... but when I did have to do essays or projects, I begged to be alone cause I didnt want to be pointed out as the lazy one ;_;

Funny enough, i’ve only been diagnosed with adhd at 21 years of age when like... I kept dropping out of university classes cause it was overwhelming ;_;

I was hyper af but kept getting bullied af in elementary school cause I was that aggressive girl always too excited so I toned the fuck down in high school (but I was just cold, popular but miserable cause My skin was crawling with that hyperness. I would exude all that energy by participating and creating a fuck tons of projects — never finishing them — and by doing a lot of sports lol).

In my case, it got worst in adulthood but it’s probably cause it was left undiagnosed, uncared, and I was always reprimanded as being part of my bad personality trait.