Fantasy Blarnia: A Spooftacular Adventure!!! (Accepting Bro)

[A Mexican Weener]

Link to OOC and Character sheet is further down


Welcome to the land of Blarnia! A land of mystery, intrigue, wizards, elves, dwarves, dragons, eagles, Frodos, Master Chiefs, Orcs, Samurai, Cowboys, Robots, Stuff...AND ADVENTURE!!!


You have been chosen by the Queen, Miss Betty Mercury, (she has a fabulous voice) to scour the land for a man known only as Shiggy-mick-biggle-boggles, who holds some sort of deep dark secret about the realm of Blarnia. Is he friend, is he foe? I don't know, maybe so.


Your journey begins in the capital city of Los Anales. You must travel far East, over the mountains of Kahl-O-Rah-Do, across the river of Misty Zippy and through the caves of Kent, finally arriving at the city of New YOrc, where a man of evil origins has amassed a large army of goons to attempt to take over Blarnia, that man of course being Tronald Dump.


So, WHAT SAY YOU?!


Anyone interested in this non-serious, non-detailed fantasy spoof let me know. I'll be DM'ing this thang. Accepting groups as well as 1x1


Copyright! No one steal my sheet!

 

[Ribbit]

Oh my god this is just perfect.

 

[0stinato]

Link to Character Sheet: 




Link to OOC: 






@A Mexican Weener, hopefully this should make it a little easier for everyone to navigate around? Feel free to post it yourself if you'd like - I can hide this comment if you do!

 

[A Mexican Weener]

Nah thanks for doing that. I don't really know what I'm doing. As soon as we get a few peeps we'll get going. Your character is accepted btw 0

 

[0stinato]

With the fire lit and everyone settling, Kumiko didn't think there was much to do than obsess about his surroundings. All the butterflies had gone to bed so there was nothing to distract him from staring up at the summit that lay miles before them. Kahl-O-Rah-Doh was a major mountain range, and they were climbing up the tallest peak. He frowned to himself and looked back to the fire, taking in his companions once again.


"Did I miss a memo or something, because I don't think I ever checked. Why are we climbing up there? I mean if there's, like, a good reason for it then great," he said. "I'd just like... to know. I would say I've got better things to be doing with my time but... I'd be lying. So why are we going up there? Especially 'cause it's called Dragon Peak? Dragon Peak. I'm sure I'm a genius for working this out, and feel free to write opera classics in my name to celebrate me, but I have a feeling it's got something to do with Dragons?" he snarled. "And I don't like Dragons. You can't eat Dragons. You can't even mate with Dragons. And if there's two things I understand, it's eating and mating. And neither you can do with a Dragons."


He looked around for an answer. He looked straight over Opp's head, having learned that the being preferred a quiet existence with little complication. So his only hope for an answer lay with Ross Fishman or Fennik. However, he didn't hold out much hope here - if the Drunken Monk was living up to his name, Kumiko was sure he'd be of no use at all. And Ross seemed rather more occupied staring in different directions at once. Or maybe he wasn't. Maybe it was just the placement of his eyes in his head. In fact, Kumiko wasn't sure if Ross had even heard his question. Do fish have ears? Surely they must. Though he wasn't sure. In all of his years of fish-eating he'd never once tasted earwax. So he wasn't sure.


@A Mexican Weener @FennikKun @IctoraPost @Darth Gangsta ((Let's get this party started.))

 

[Darth Gangsta]

Randy gazed at the horizon with a stupefied expression on his face. He shook his head quite violently to get himself together. He walked over to his bag and looked around to see if anyone was suspiciously staring at him. He grabbed a plastic bag of pot then a bong. He laughed hysterically in excitement then placed his large lips at the top of the bong.


After about five minutes, Ross was completely stoned. Now not caring whether or not the gang saw him high, he walked over to the camp, yelling the most absurd things ever. "WHEN MICHAEL JACKSON NEEDS A RUSH, HE HUMPS A GUY LIKE ME!!" he then sat down on a log, then put his squishy head down nearly instantly on the rough log. He now had an angry look on his face, he raised his head slowly and dramatically, he eyed the log with murder in his giant eyes. "HEY BITCH! YOU BETTER WATCH IT NEXT TIME!" the log didn't reply, so Ross started attacking the log with his tiny, chubby fins as hard as he could.

 

[IctoraPost]

The pineapple sat on the log, contemplating the meaning of life, the universe and everything. Was it the existence of a living being, or the period between the birth and death of a living thing? Was it vitality, vigour, or energy? The depiction of a subject from a real model, rather than from an artist's imagination? The condition that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter, including the capacity for growth, reproduction, functional activity, and continual change preceding death? Or maybe it was a particular sphere of activity or experience, or all existing matter and space considered as a whole, the cosmos, or another term for universal set. Perhaps it was all things, the current situation, or even life in general. Maybe it was forty-two. Maybe it should just google it.


While it was at it, maybe it should also google why it was climbing a mountain for no good reason with a cat person, a monk and an idiotic stoned fish. That would also be a good idea.

 

[A Mexican Weener]

Out of freaking nowhere you hear an ear shattering roar! A roar that could... maybe...probably...certainly...YES!  The terrible roar of a Dragon! And what do you know, right on cue a big ass dragon swoops down out the sky and lands about a hundred feet from the campfire.

The dragon is pure white, except for it's head which is pink. And it's friggin huuuge, maybe 4 stories high. The strange beast doesn't have any arms, and it has only one eye. You also notice that on both sides near the base of the dragon stand two very large, very fat, hairy men. They're so fat that they are pretty much spherical.

The hairy men begin rolling towards you, litterally, they're rolling like a bowling ball coming straight at you.
The dragon follows close behind...

Your move!

 

[Ribbit]

The monk that was sat crosslegged with his hat up to his eyes woke up with the scream.


Yep, the lazy piece of shit was sleeping, but he got up and looked at the durgen.


His vision was still blurry when he noticed the two fatasses rolling towards the team and he picked up Opp and jumped over one of the fat dudes.


"Hey, pussy, you're the one with armor, do something."


He looked around at the rest of the team: A puss-in-armor, a stone fish man thing and a FUCKING PINEAPPLE.


He grabbed a dagger and with the ancient magic of duct tape he made a spear with his staff and stopped the other fat dude by stabbing him as he rolls to him.


(Am I late ? e.e)

 

[0stinato]

"What do you mean I'm the one with the armour, I have PTSD about dragons! I'll wet myself."


But still, Kumi jumped up. The Monk was doing something. Even if Randy and the pineapple weren't. Might as well pull his own weight.


"Agh. Shit." All he had on him was a knife and fork. Both improved to top notch and both enchanted. But they were gag weapons. And he'd packed nothing else. Oopsies.


Oh well.


"PREPARE TO BE FORKED, FOUL BEAST!" he screamed, thrusting his body forwards, immediately being bowled over by a huge ball.

 

[IctoraPost]

Opp didn't like being manhandled, but it could forgive the monk for that because he was currently saving its life from the fat, hairy bowling ball people, who seemed to be rolling down the mountain with no indication of stopping. The pink-headed dragon seemed to be inching closer to the group, and the pineapple couldn't really do anything. Because it was a pineapple. Pineapples don't do much. But wait, it wasn't just an ordinary pineapple. It was the one and only Oceuian Peleporting Pineapple! And with a loud PELOP, the pineapple peleported itself onto the top of the dragon's head. And sat there.

 

[A Mexican Weener]

The dragon looked up at the pineapple on its head. "Pineapples, eh?" the dragon thought to itself. Pineapples reminded him of his mother. His mother had blonde hair and was quite a "spikey" woman when she wanted to be. She had often beat Terrence (the dragon) for no reason at all. But Terrence had always loved for her dispite the beatings she gave. 


As Terrence thought of his mother, he began to grow in size. He got larger and larger. He quivered, he shook, his head turned dark red. It looked as if he was about to explode...and he fuckin did. The dragon roared and strange white flames errupted from its eye. (The pineapple had chosen a poor place to peleport) The flames went everywhere, covering everything in a 200 yard radius in a sticky substance. The dragon seemed very tired after its erruption and fell limp to the ground. Terrence felt peaceful and happy as he closed his eye and went to sleep, slipping into dreams of his mother.


The two large hairy men shrunk in size, shriveling down to the size of regular sized hairy men. One of the men had been stabbed by a duct tape spear, the other by a fork. For some reason the man stabbed by the fork fell to the ground in agony and died rather quickly. But the other hairy man, whom had been stabbed with a spear was totally fine. Weird. He reached deep into his belly and opened some kind of cumpartment. His hand emerged full of white snakes with squirming little tails. The snakes looked vicious and hungry. He yelled something in gibberish and sent the snakes flying at @FennikKun.


Having been covered in the mysterious white substance, all party members of the Fellowship of the Ween (you guys) found it difficult to move, as if they were in dick sand--I mean quick sand.

 

[0stinato]

"Oh MY GOD," Kumi cried, realising he was almost completely stuck to the floor by something unthinkable. The stench about it confirmed his fears. It was all stuck in his hair, his fur, and a couple of droplets were weighing down his whiskers.


"I hate guys like you!" he continued shrieking. "The ones who come with very little provocation like shit do you MIND I've barely done you a succ," he tried to push himself up but in vain. It was futile - he was trapped. Trapped beneath a warm layer of DragonBall jizZ. But at least he could move a little bit. He had to escape before this shit got crusty.


He murmured a further exploitive when when he noticed he'd lost his fork. He'd liked that fork. That was his favourite fork. But at least he still had his knife.


The knife, however, only became stuck, the blade trapped by goop.


"Dammit! That's it, I'm sick of men. I'm going straight! Ughh..." just as he gave up hope he'd ever be free, he spotted Randy Fishman still gigging into his bong. The merman only seemed to be sticky from the waist down.


Kumi came up with something, "Oi! Randy! Or Ross. Whatever. Use your massive fish mouth to suck this shit up wouldya? I know things that smell like fish are good at holding white stuff."


@Darth Gangsta

 

[Ribbit]

"Oh fucking hell." He said as he shook the snakes off, then stomping on them as they wiggled around in the ground.


"Shoulda stabbed deeper" He said quietly as he started cleaning his hat, as it took most of the misterious substance.


He laughed at the current condition of his feline friend.


"Just take a bath." He emphasized the water part


As he started cleaning his stuff he thought about the pineapple that peleported to the head of the dragon, he was probably the one that was the most damaged by the explosion

 

[IctoraPost]

The fruit in question was currently twelve hundred feet in the air, enjoying the crisp coolness of the night sky, the spectacular view of the landscape below it, and the gale-force winds that were blowing the pineapple away from the mountain. It should probably go back and help, but it was covered in some kind of sticky substance from that explosion and just couldn’t be bothered. Now it was starting to fall back to the ground. It rushed past the peak and the dragon, angling diagonally as to not hit the slope, the white liquid streaming off due to wind resistance. Wait a second… The peak. Kahl-O-Rah-Do. The pink-headed monster. The fat hairy balls. The sticky white stuff. It was all connected. Everything was connected. It was connected because… no idea. But the pineapple still peleported back to the log it was sitting on before, because splatting onto the ground wasn’t a good idea.

 

[0stinato]

Randy wasn't listening - too high, too dry. Possibly useless to Kumiko in his current situation. He gave a sigh, doubled that sigh with another when he heard the monk comment at him. Was it not immediately obvious that Kumi was stuck? Held down by the dragon's sneeze? He'd take a bath in due time. In acid. With a bath bomb of bleach. That oughtta fix him up.


With a soft pop, Kumi's attention was turned back to the fire. There Randy was and also... the pineapple. Opp. Peleporter. Surely, if Kumi held on, the spikey fruit could be his salvation? He wasn't sure if Opp had ears, but it was probably worth a go to yell at him for help. After all, they were all in this together, right?


And by 'this', Kumi meant the adventure. Not the dick dribble.


He let out a loud moan of help, "Ooooppppppuhhhhh! Little help? Like, NOW if you please and thank you. Peleport me out of here okay? I'll get you like... I'll be your wingman if you do. You wanna chat up a banana or something. I'll talk you up. Just get me the hell out of this 'cause it's seriously ruining my fur."


He had done all he could do. All there was to do now was wait and see how, and if, Opp responded at all.


@IctoraPost