Humor Best Roast That Have Ever Graced Your Ears

[ImaGiraffe]

There are many good and bad roast, bad as in "no u" and "yo mom"
Attending high school I have had and told my fair share of good roasts.
What are some you have heard or said and what was the context... IN DETAIL please.

 

[Windsock]

"Hey this pork roast is really good, you did a good job."

"Thank you very much."

 

[The_Omega_Effect]

I was usually the one handing the burns out in highschool but it was just me being a dickhead for the most part. I was usually like, pretty active in class and etc. too with good grades and shit so I wasn't some nobody in the background. I had a reputation of being extremely crude and fun which got people to either hate my guts or people wanting to hang out around me in lunch or after school or whatever(we essentially hung out with 1-2 grades above and below us so we had a massive group of 30-40 people in our "social circle" with people from 3 different grades).
Normally, i just hand out like oneliners or really short "roasts" that were more jokes than insults really.
Shit like
"thats funny coming from someone with and IQ lower than their shoe size."
"If I was stuck in a room with a gun that had 2 bullets and with me in the room were you, Stalin and Hitler, I'd shoot you twice."
Like if someone rolled their eyes against an immature joke I made I'd go "Yeah yeah keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you'll even see a brain back there."
"I can't believe you were the sperm that made it."
You get the point. I was usually more elaborate with my jokes but I never intended on hurting the other person's feelings so when it was targeted at someone, I kept it short so that it didn't feel that personal. Or I tried as that would sometimes not be taken well by a few people. But when I was out to "hurt" or get to the person or humiliate them, I would just go ALL OUT. If they had some sort of insecurity or something at all in their lives that left them weak, I'd just go for it to break the person. And when they started yelling at me out of anger, potentially getting physical, I knew at that point that I had won. I wasn't afraid to push the nuclear button so to speak.
The all time best roasts that I've heard in class contain racist elements which leads me to refraining from sharing it here.However, in terms of like, biggest "Roast/insult take downs", I have plenty of stories as people did tend to challenge me.

I got a lot of small, funny roast experiences with people thinking that they could stand up to me that I can share if asked. Before I get into this anecdote, know that I wasn't 100% aware of everything that I wrote at the time. I had a feel for most things, but it was only later on that I understood the dynamic of the kinds of people that liked me/hated me/whatever.

I was friends with everyone in my own class as we were pretty small but the divisiveness on people either liking or hating me was a thing in the lower grades. Most of the girls there hated me whereas I was either chill or really good friends with all the guys. My crudeness sat better with them as the people who hated me were generally hyper sensitive and shit. Not saying those who hated me were worse people or whatever but a lot of them couldn't take jokes or that was how it seemed for me at least. There was this one girl who was pretty much the person who went against me the most. I rarely went full on insult mode as I enjoyed keeping the fun high and the seriousness low but she probably has taken the brunt of my insults as she was the "leader" of people against me because I have heard her start conversations with her friends where she essentially just "shits on me" behind my back
She was never really a fan of my humor so instead of just fucking off, she'd constantly try to shut me down/interrupt me/annoy me which lead to some of the other guys disliking her too but I didn't want to drag others into it.
Now usually, in a group environment I'm very loud and whatnot as I tend to drive a large part of the conversation but on a personal, 1 on 1 discussion with someone I was more respectful as those were more about our relationship and the topic at hand rather than just having fun. This was especially the case when I was explaining a concept in Mathematics, Chemistry or Physics to someone. When I am talking to someone specifically, I am essentially leaving myself vulnerable to them.
So it was sometime after lunch, I didn't have class so I was loitering for a bit and trying to sneakily read news on my phone (Back then I was really into Esports, specifically CSGO) before going to my locker, getting my shit and going home and she was free from class too. Being around her, I tried to just ignore her for a bit and keep the interactions to a minimum. I don't know if she was in a bad mood(probably a grudge from earlier) or what but she was being quite annoying. She almost got my phone confiscated.
"What's your problem?" I said. I'm not totally in the right in this scenario as I could just leave it there and go home but bleh.
She responded by "What's my problem? Whats your problem?" and a bunch of shit "insulting" me on things that someone would think that I am insecure about and she ended it off by telling me that I'll forever be a virgin and I'll die alone and all that. For her to blow up at me like that caught me off guard so I just instinctively shifted into high gear instantly.
"Its funny that you harped on me not having sex. You didn't try to insult anything else. Not my intellect, not my grades, nothing thats worth insulting. Because having sex is all you've done with your life which in your harebrained mind, leads to you thinking that everybody else's existence is defined like yours. You cower behind "OH GRADES DONT SAY SHIT ABOUT INTELLIGENCE" in order to rest easy but you're just fucking dumb. So go ahead and continue sucking dick. (I stuttered a bit here lol) Make sure you get good at it too as it is the only thing you will be able to do in order to support yourself in the future you waste of space. I'd kill myself if I was a tree if I knew that my oxygen would support the existence of a retard like you."
I definitely escalated the situation here which sorta lead to her getting mad too. But she sorta crumbled under the pressure of it. Like you could tell that she wasn't used to conversations getting like this. "You're gonna regret saying that" or something along those lines is what she responded with.
"Yeah. Maybe you can spit in the burger you'll be flipping for me at the local Mcdonalds in 10 years as you are working full time in order to pay your bills while getting fucked by random hobos every night to feed your crack addiction while you brew up super Aids after being infected with every single damn STD known to man. Gotta catch em all."
What made this whole thing more serious and ruthless was that there wasn't an audience. There were a few people passing here and there but I wasn't quite aware of them. It wasn't for the fun it was just to shut her down and get her to fuck off completely. She left, I did detention and you bet your ass she made sure that everyone knew. It didn't change much though. The people who had problems with me would no longer talk with me and those who were friends would bring it up a lot in their jokes and whatnot.
By the standards of now, its by no means a good roast, as it is also personal to her which doesn't allow it to sound "savage" to people who did not know her. But yeah, this was probably the best rpnfriendly roast I've done.

 

[Sanya]

Ok, gentlepeople, fasten your seatbelts.


I live in Moldova, you might've heard of it as one of the smallest and the poorest countries in Europe. But what you haven't heard is that politicians are all selfish jerks here.

I was a smart ass at my high school. Short after my finals (where I've got perfect grades) school's principle called me and said I was invited (with like 20 kids from all over the country) to the president's office (!) to get a diploma and a handshake. I shit you not, the president himself would address to us with a motivation speech, and there would be a bunch of other celebrities and all this rich stuff.

The thing is, I didn't want to go. It's just a big show-off for kids to flex and politicians to brag how generous they are. The diploma was useless. Not mentioning how much I had to pay just to get there from the other freaking part of the country.

So after a couple of hours my principle's boss called me. From her I've got the number of a cooler boss, and so on till I get to the coolest one. It's cause I had to confirm I received the invitation.

"I'm Name, about that invitation I've got."

"Oh, congratulations! It's a great opportunity..."

"I won't go."

"Excuse me?"

"I've got more important things to do." (At this point I can physically feel the dramatic zoom on her petrified face)

"What. Could possibly. Be more important. Then the President?!"

"Gonna watch Kikoriki." (Look it up)

"HOW IS THAT MORE IMPORTANT..."

"Maturity."

*I hang up*

Mfw she's gonna explain that to her big ass boss.
Mfw they record their calls.
Mfw I indirectly roasted my president.

 

[ImaGiraffe]

I was usually the one handing the burns out in highschool but it was just me being a dickhead for the most part. I was usually like, pretty active in class and etc. too with good grades and shit so I wasn't some nobody in the background. I had a reputation of being extremely crude and fun which got people to either hate my guts or people wanting to hang out around me in lunch or after school or whatever(we essentially hung out with 1-2 grades above and below us so we had a massive group of 30-40 people in our "social circle" with people from 3 different grades).
Normally, i just hand out like oneliners or really short "roasts" that were more jokes than insults really.
Shit like
"thats funny coming from someone with and IQ lower than their shoe size."
"If I was stuck in a room with a gun that had 2 bullets and with me in the room were you, Stalin and Hitler, I'd shoot you twice."
Like if someone rolled their eyes against an immature joke I made I'd go "Yeah yeah keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you'll even see a brain back there."
"I can't believe you were the sperm that made it."
You get the point. I was usually more elaborate with my jokes but I never intended on hurting the other person's feelings so when it was targeted at someone, I kept it short so that it didn't feel that personal. Or I tried as that would sometimes not be taken well by a few people. But when I was out to "hurt" or get to the person or humiliate them, I would just go ALL OUT. If they had some sort of insecurity or something at all in their lives that left them weak, I'd just go for it to break the person. And when they started yelling at me out of anger, potentially getting physical, I knew at that point that I had won. I wasn't afraid to push the nuclear button so to speak.
The all time best roasts that I've heard in class contain racist elements which leads me to refraining from sharing it here.However, in terms of like, biggest "Roast/insult take downs", I have plenty of stories as people did tend to challenge me.

I got a lot of small, funny roast experiences with people thinking that they could stand up to me that I can share if asked. Before I get into this anecdote, know that I wasn't 100% aware of everything that I wrote at the time. I had a feel for most things, but it was only later on that I understood the dynamic of the kinds of people that liked me/hated me/whatever.

I was friends with everyone in my own class as we were pretty small but the divisiveness on people either liking or hating me was a thing in the lower grades. Most of the girls there hated me whereas I was either chill or really good friends with all the guys. My crudeness sat better with them as the people who hated me were generally hyper sensitive and shit. Not saying those who hated me were worse people or whatever but a lot of them couldn't take jokes or that was how it seemed for me at least. There was this one girl who was pretty much the person who went against me the most. I rarely went full on insult mode as I enjoyed keeping the fun high and the seriousness low but she probably has taken the brunt of my insults as she was the "leader" of people against me because I have heard her start conversations with her friends where she essentially just "shits on me" behind my back
She was never really a fan of my humor so instead of just fucking off, she'd constantly try to shut me down/interrupt me/annoy me which lead to some of the other guys disliking her too but I didn't want to drag others into it.
Now usually, in a group environment I'm very loud and whatnot as I tend to drive a large part of the conversation but on a personal, 1 on 1 discussion with someone I was more respectful as those were more about our relationship and the topic at hand rather than just having fun. This was especially the case when I was explaining a concept in Mathematics, Chemistry or Physics to someone. When I am talking to someone specifically, I am essentially leaving myself vulnerable to them.
So it was sometime after lunch, I didn't have class so I was loitering for a bit and trying to sneakily read news on my phone (Back then I was really into Esports, specifically CSGO) before going to my locker, getting my shit and going home and she was free from class too. Being around her, I tried to just ignore her for a bit and keep the interactions to a minimum. I don't know if she was in a bad mood(probably a grudge from earlier) or what but she was being quite annoying. She almost got my phone confiscated.
"What's your problem?" I said. I'm not totally in the right in this scenario as I could just leave it there and go home but bleh.
She responded by "What's my problem? Whats your problem?" and a bunch of shit "insulting" me on things that someone would think that I am insecure about and she ended it off by telling me that I'll forever be a virgin and I'll die alone and all that. For her to blow up at me like that caught me off guard so I just instinctively shifted into high gear instantly.
"Its funny that you harped on me not having sex. You didn't try to insult anything else. Not my intellect, not my grades, nothing thats worth insulting. Because having sex is all you've done with your life which in your harebrained mind, leads to you thinking that everybody else's existence is defined like yours. You cower behind "OH GRADES DONT SAY SHIT ABOUT INTELLIGENCE" in order to rest easy but you're just fucking dumb. So go ahead and continue sucking dick. (I stuttered a bit here lol) Make sure you get good at it too as it is the only thing you will be able to do in order to support yourself in the future you waste of space. I'd kill myself if I was a tree if I knew that my oxygen would support the existence of a retard like you."
I definitely escalated the situation here which sorta lead to her getting mad too. But she sorta crumbled under the pressure of it. Like you could tell that she wasn't used to conversations getting like this. "You're gonna regret saying that" or something along those lines is what she responded with.
"Yeah. Maybe you can spit in the burger you'll be flipping for me at the local Mcdonalds in 10 years as you are working full time in order to pay your bills while getting fucked by random hobos every night to feed your crack addiction while you brew up super Aids after being infected with every single damn STD known to man. Gotta catch em all."
What made this whole thing more serious and ruthless was that there wasn't an audience. There were a few people passing here and there but I wasn't quite aware of them. It wasn't for the fun it was just to shut her down and get her to fuck off completely. She left, I did detention and you bet your ass she made sure that everyone knew. It didn't change much though. The people who had problems with me would no longer talk with me and those who were friends would bring it up a lot in their jokes and whatnot.
By the standards of now, its by no means a good roast, as it is also personal to her which doesn't allow it to sound "savage" to people who did not know her. But yeah, this was probably the best rpnfriendly roast I've done.

WOW! "Gotta catch em all!" LOL.

I really admire the effort you put into this. I really enjoyed reading it. Awesome work!

 

[ImaGiraffe]

Ok, gentlepeople, fasten your seatbelts.


I live in Moldova, you might've heard of it as one of the smallest and the poorest countries in Europe. But what you haven't heard is that politicians are all selfish jerks here.

I was a smart ass at my high school. Short after my finals (where I've got perfect grades) school's principle called me and said I was invited (with like 20 kids from all over the country) to the president's office (!) to get a diploma and a handshake. I shit you not, the president himself would address to us with a motivation speech, and there would be a bunch of other celebrities and all this rich stuff.

The thing is, I didn't want to go. It's just a big show-off for kids to flex and politicians to brag how generous they are. The diploma was useless. Not mentioning how much I had to pay just to get there from the other freaking part of the country.

So after a couple of hours my principle's boss called me. From her I've got the number of a cooler boss, and so on till I get to the coolest one. It's cause I had to confirm I received the invitation.

"I'm Name, about that invitation I've got."

"Oh, congratulations! It's a great opportunity..."

"I won't go."

"Excuse me?"

"I've got more important things to do." (At this point I can physically feel the dramatic zoom on her petrified face)

"What. Could possibly. Be more important. Then the President?!"

"Gonna watch Kikoriki." (Look it up)

"HOW IS THAT MORE IMPORTANT..."

"Maturity."

*I hang up*

Mfw she's gonna explain that to her big ass boss.
Mfw they record their calls.
Mfw I indirectly roasted my president.

I am sure that rocked her boat. I have a question for you. I am from Romania, right next to Moldova. Do you speak Romanian?

 

[Sanya]

I am sure that rocked her boat. I have a question for you. I am from Romania, right next to Moldova. Do you speak Romanian?

I do! In fact, I'm currently applying to a University in Romania. In Iaşi.