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Never had Rowan felt so happy before. Most of his life he had walked around showing no real emotion towards the Royal family until Ashara had found him. As soon as it was made clear that he would be following her as her sworn shield the day she would be married, Rowan had been ecstatic about the news.
Ashara was the type of woman he could see himself spending the rest of his life with. He had broken his vows for her, and he didn’t even seem to care.
They wouldn’t be married, but Rowan was happy enough that they would be together in secret behind everyone’s back. He would cherish Ashara and protect her. It would be his job to keep her safe, and Rowan found himself blinded by the love he felt towards the Princess. If he could, he would have dropped everything for her, prayed to the Gods that he could be a Lord good enough to take her hand in marriage.
Rowan would have loved every single second of being around her, and perhaps that was foolish of him considering that it was only wishful thinking and just as quick as their affair had started it could end. It was difficult not to be positive when Ashara looked so happy about it too though. Rowan didn’t have the heart to share his worries and insecurities with her, frightened to kill that glint she had in her eyes.
Almost every night he found himself walking the hallways of the castle towards her bedchamber. Rowan wanted to spend every single night with her, make her feel loved and cared for. He wished for her to be happy, and he did anything to make her feel good. Ashara was addicting to him, so addicting he often daydreamed about her whenever he was doing his job protecting the King.
It was impossible to not think about her. Rowan had never expected to feel such a way for a woman. Ever since he had been taken into the Kingsguard, he had accepted his fate that protecting the King would be his life. He wouldn’t marry or have children. Now all he could think about was what it would be like to have a family of his own. Being with Ashara felt too good to be true though.
Just as Rowan has feared, everything had been too good to be true.
The Gods must have disagreed with their current plan since as soon as the Hastwycks arrived in Wheldrake, everything got turned upside down. At first, it had started with King Trevas practically locking his daughters in their bedchambers. Rowan figured the King thought it would be better for them to stay out of his business as he dealt with the Hastwycks.
While Ashara was stuck in her room, Rowan had tried his best to accompany her for as long as he could, but as soon as everything had been revealed to him, he knew he had a job to do.
Rowan needed to protect Ashara from the truth that was happening outside the safety of her bedchamber walls. Lying to her had been difficult. Rowan hated it, but he kept telling himself that it was for the better. If Ashara got to see what was truly happening, he was afraid she would lose all the happiness he had worked so hard to make her feel. He didn’t want to rip away that pretty smile on her face, and though she deserved to know the truth, Rowan had kept it away from her.
Instead he had told her that the Hastwycks were visiting for political reasons, which was somewhat accurate, but Ashara had no idea that the Queen, her mother, was standing trial for the murder of Timos Hastwyck. Rowan had a feeling that it would end with an execution, and even if he had no idea what her actual relationship with her mother was, Rowan didn’t want to be the one to tell Ashara that her mother would die soon.
It pained him that he had to pretend that everything was fine.
Nothing was fine though. Accusation upon accusation was pouring out about the Queen. At one point Rowan had felt like nothing truly made sense and that the trial seemed overly focused on framing the Queen. In reality, Rowan didn’t know the Queen as well as he knew the King and Ashara. Those were the two people he had spent the most time with, even if he had sometimes found himself escorting the Queen as well.
Perhaps the Queen was capable of doing such things. Either way, Rowan couldn’t say anything about it. His job was to stay silent and protect the King, which he did.
On the second day of the trial, everything changed. The Queen had demanded a trial by combat, and Rowan would be her champion. Tomorrow he would be fighting against Lady Hastwyck’s champion, which could only end with one of them dead. Rowan’s heart had nearly stopped in his chest then. He thought about Ashara and their plan. How they were supposed to be together until the end of his days, and how all of that could change tomorrow.
Rowan felt like he was about to lose his head. He hadn’t told Ashara anything about the trials, and now he didn’t know if he would ever be able to come back to her. Though he was confident in himself as a Knight, he knew he had a massive responsibility on his shoulders now. The Queen’s life laid in his hands. The life of Ashara’s mother all depended on him, and how he would perform the next day.
Gods and he hadn’t even told Ashara about anything. Rowan was starting to regret his decision to lie to Ashara. He knew he had to tell her about everything now in case it would be the last time they would see each other. It scared him that there was a chance he would die, but only because he didn’t want Ashara to be alone.
In the evening he found himself standing outside her bedchamber door, lifting his hand to gently tap his knuckles against the wood.
Ashara opened the door with such a sweet smile on her face as she said his name, but Rowan couldn’t find it in himself to return the smile to her. He knew what a horrible person he was for lying to her, and he didn’t want to imagine what her reaction would be once the truth was revealed to her.
Rowan entered her room, walking straight over to her bed. It was better if they sat down for this as he knew it would be a lot for Ashara to take in, and he didn’t want her to run away or end up doing something stupid. The bed was the best choice. He sat down at the edge of the mattress, struggling to meet her gaze.
"I have something I need to tell you, Princess Ashara.”
As he sat there wondering just how he would tell her, he heard her footsteps as she came to sit next to him. Her hand against his shoulder felt nice, but not comforting as it usually did. It felt wrong now after he had lied to her, and Rowan wanted to yell at himself for doing so.
“What is it? What’s wrong?”
Rowan turned his head to look at her then, raising his hand to cup her cheek. His thumb traced along her cheekbone as he let out a deep sigh, “promise me you will not get angry with me. Promise me Ashara that you will not push me away.” His other hand went to her arm as she held her in place.
"Tell me."
“There has been a trial,” Rowan started, still keeping his gaze on hers no matter how much he wanted to look away, “the Hastwycks aren’t here because they want to discuss politics. They have accused the King of the murder of Timos Hastwyck, but…” Quietly Rowan cursed under his breath, pulling completely away from Ashara, “the Queen, your mother is the one standing trial getting accused of the murder. It is bad Ashara. The things they are saying about her. I just wanted to protect you.”
Ashara was the type of woman he could see himself spending the rest of his life with. He had broken his vows for her, and he didn’t even seem to care.
They wouldn’t be married, but Rowan was happy enough that they would be together in secret behind everyone’s back. He would cherish Ashara and protect her. It would be his job to keep her safe, and Rowan found himself blinded by the love he felt towards the Princess. If he could, he would have dropped everything for her, prayed to the Gods that he could be a Lord good enough to take her hand in marriage.
Rowan would have loved every single second of being around her, and perhaps that was foolish of him considering that it was only wishful thinking and just as quick as their affair had started it could end. It was difficult not to be positive when Ashara looked so happy about it too though. Rowan didn’t have the heart to share his worries and insecurities with her, frightened to kill that glint she had in her eyes.
Almost every night he found himself walking the hallways of the castle towards her bedchamber. Rowan wanted to spend every single night with her, make her feel loved and cared for. He wished for her to be happy, and he did anything to make her feel good. Ashara was addicting to him, so addicting he often daydreamed about her whenever he was doing his job protecting the King.
It was impossible to not think about her. Rowan had never expected to feel such a way for a woman. Ever since he had been taken into the Kingsguard, he had accepted his fate that protecting the King would be his life. He wouldn’t marry or have children. Now all he could think about was what it would be like to have a family of his own. Being with Ashara felt too good to be true though.
Just as Rowan has feared, everything had been too good to be true.
The Gods must have disagreed with their current plan since as soon as the Hastwycks arrived in Wheldrake, everything got turned upside down. At first, it had started with King Trevas practically locking his daughters in their bedchambers. Rowan figured the King thought it would be better for them to stay out of his business as he dealt with the Hastwycks.
While Ashara was stuck in her room, Rowan had tried his best to accompany her for as long as he could, but as soon as everything had been revealed to him, he knew he had a job to do.
Rowan needed to protect Ashara from the truth that was happening outside the safety of her bedchamber walls. Lying to her had been difficult. Rowan hated it, but he kept telling himself that it was for the better. If Ashara got to see what was truly happening, he was afraid she would lose all the happiness he had worked so hard to make her feel. He didn’t want to rip away that pretty smile on her face, and though she deserved to know the truth, Rowan had kept it away from her.
Instead he had told her that the Hastwycks were visiting for political reasons, which was somewhat accurate, but Ashara had no idea that the Queen, her mother, was standing trial for the murder of Timos Hastwyck. Rowan had a feeling that it would end with an execution, and even if he had no idea what her actual relationship with her mother was, Rowan didn’t want to be the one to tell Ashara that her mother would die soon.
It pained him that he had to pretend that everything was fine.
Nothing was fine though. Accusation upon accusation was pouring out about the Queen. At one point Rowan had felt like nothing truly made sense and that the trial seemed overly focused on framing the Queen. In reality, Rowan didn’t know the Queen as well as he knew the King and Ashara. Those were the two people he had spent the most time with, even if he had sometimes found himself escorting the Queen as well.
Perhaps the Queen was capable of doing such things. Either way, Rowan couldn’t say anything about it. His job was to stay silent and protect the King, which he did.
On the second day of the trial, everything changed. The Queen had demanded a trial by combat, and Rowan would be her champion. Tomorrow he would be fighting against Lady Hastwyck’s champion, which could only end with one of them dead. Rowan’s heart had nearly stopped in his chest then. He thought about Ashara and their plan. How they were supposed to be together until the end of his days, and how all of that could change tomorrow.
Rowan felt like he was about to lose his head. He hadn’t told Ashara anything about the trials, and now he didn’t know if he would ever be able to come back to her. Though he was confident in himself as a Knight, he knew he had a massive responsibility on his shoulders now. The Queen’s life laid in his hands. The life of Ashara’s mother all depended on him, and how he would perform the next day.
Gods and he hadn’t even told Ashara about anything. Rowan was starting to regret his decision to lie to Ashara. He knew he had to tell her about everything now in case it would be the last time they would see each other. It scared him that there was a chance he would die, but only because he didn’t want Ashara to be alone.
In the evening he found himself standing outside her bedchamber door, lifting his hand to gently tap his knuckles against the wood.
Ashara opened the door with such a sweet smile on her face as she said his name, but Rowan couldn’t find it in himself to return the smile to her. He knew what a horrible person he was for lying to her, and he didn’t want to imagine what her reaction would be once the truth was revealed to her.
Rowan entered her room, walking straight over to her bed. It was better if they sat down for this as he knew it would be a lot for Ashara to take in, and he didn’t want her to run away or end up doing something stupid. The bed was the best choice. He sat down at the edge of the mattress, struggling to meet her gaze.
"I have something I need to tell you, Princess Ashara.”
As he sat there wondering just how he would tell her, he heard her footsteps as she came to sit next to him. Her hand against his shoulder felt nice, but not comforting as it usually did. It felt wrong now after he had lied to her, and Rowan wanted to yell at himself for doing so.
“What is it? What’s wrong?”
Rowan turned his head to look at her then, raising his hand to cup her cheek. His thumb traced along her cheekbone as he let out a deep sigh, “promise me you will not get angry with me. Promise me Ashara that you will not push me away.” His other hand went to her arm as she held her in place.
"Tell me."
“There has been a trial,” Rowan started, still keeping his gaze on hers no matter how much he wanted to look away, “the Hastwycks aren’t here because they want to discuss politics. They have accused the King of the murder of Timos Hastwyck, but…” Quietly Rowan cursed under his breath, pulling completely away from Ashara, “the Queen, your mother is the one standing trial getting accused of the murder. It is bad Ashara. The things they are saying about her. I just wanted to protect you.”