Fantasy Aedighar [closed]

[desti]

“You do not have the right to talk to me about being a good father. You took that chance away from me a long time ago Katlyn.”

Something wasn’t quite right there. Katlyn had taken that chance away from him? It almost confused her in a way that he thought this was her doing. It was him and him alone that had ruined everything.

"Oh, so it's my fault?" Katlyn raised her brows.

“We could have had a big family, but someone stood in the way for that to happen.”

“Yes. You.”

Trevas chuckled, “yes of course. It is always my fault isn’t it Katlyn? I’m so easy to blame, but I can’t recall sneaking behind your back to secure the fact that you would never be with child again.”

It was a shame that he hadn’t found out from Katlyn herself. She would’ve liked to see the reaction he had when he first heard of it. The guilt she once felt her actions was long gone now, and Katlyn hoped that it hurt Trevas. She couldn’t hurt him with her hands, so this was the best she could do.

The Maester must’ve told Trevas. Katlyn had begged him not to utter a single word to Trevas about it when this all started, and he had kept his word for many years. She should’ve known that one day he would break that promise, but Katlyn had thought the man would die before it’d happen. That thought only strengthened after he was one of the three people that knew about Timos’ death, Trevas would end his life eventually. Katlyn hadn’t thought that hers would end before his though.

Perhaps it was better that Trevas found out like this, though. Now he couldn’t beat her up horrendously or whatever the anger would make him do. The knowledge that Katlyn was headed to the executioner’s block anyways might keep him from doing that.

"The Grand Maester really is bad at keeping secrets, it's best you take care of him before he tells someone yours. Do tell, did you stay to listen to the whole story or did you leave the second that old fuck said all you cared to hear?" Katlyn asked after a short pause.

“Why would I have to listen to the whole story? There is no point. You’re getting what you deserve. I couldn’t care less about why you did it, but don’t you dare to blame me again for something you did. You took what I wanted for us away from me.”

Trevas’ hand moved to pin her shoulder against the wall behind her. Katlyn was trapped between him and the wall, and perhaps that should’ve frightened her but it didn’t. There was just a sudden sadness coming over her out of nowhere. Katlyn felt that sadness turn into something else inside of her as she watched Trevas in front of her.

“I took it away from you? Trevas, I wanted more children as well. I wanted us to have a big family,” Katlyn frowned as the words made her grow more frustrated.

"You clearly didn't Katlyn."

Of course, that would seem to be so to him since Trevas hadn’t bothered to hear everything. Katlyn almost wanted to laugh about how narrow his mind was. He only saw what she had done to him, and Trevas plainly ignored her reasons for doing so. How could she ever love a man like that was still a mystery to her.

“I did. Gods, Trevas, I wanted to give you more beautiful daughters and strong sons that we could love and care for. I wanted that for us. I thought that we would have that.”

Katlyn remembered how hard it had been for her to give life to their daughters. She remembered the agonizing pain and how weak she had felt afterwards. But seeing Trevas with the girls had made her so happy, even through the labour her body had had to go through. She had wanted to give him more children, no matter how tiring it was for her body. She had wanted to, but she just need a little break…

So many days she had prayed to the Mother and any other God to give her the strength she needed. More often than anything else, Katlyn dreamt about giving Trevas a son. She knew how much he wanted that, and Katlyn yearned to fulfill that wish. In her dreams, their son had always been so kind and handsome, and strong and brave. Just like a good King should be. Yet those dreams never became a reality, which hurt deeply.

"We would have had that had you not gone behind my back and betrayed me."

“We would’ve had that had you not changed, Trevas. I needed time to heal, and you didn’t care. Ashara nearly killed me, I couldn’t have possibly brought another child into this world. You saw how weak I was after that... Gods, Trevas, if you would’ve just waited and been patient... “ Katlyn said, and the anger must’ve been clear in her voice, “I never wanted to take it for so long. I never wanted to hurt you like this. I just needed to heal, but you didn’t let me. You changed, Trevas, and that changed me as well.”

Katlyn didn’t deny her fault in this. They had both been foolish and dumb, and that had cost them everything. If they would’ve communicated with each other better, then perhaps this wouldn’t have happened. Still, Katlyn blamed Trevas most of all for this. If he had only been more gentle towards her, she wouldn’t have started to dislike him then. She would’ve never taken the moon tea to spite him, yet Trevas had made her do that, and that had ruined them.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

“We would’ve had that had you not changed, Trevas. I needed time to heal, and you didn’t care. Ashara nearly killed me, I couldn’t have possibly brought another child into this world. You saw how weak I was after that... Gods, Trevas, if you would’ve just waited and been patient... I never wanted to take it for so long. I never wanted to hurt you like this. I just needed to heal, but you didn’t let me. You changed, Trevas, and that changed me as well.”

Many thoughts were rushing through Trevas’ mind as he stood there. Irrational thoughts that made him clench his jaw in an attempt to hold back. Why did he want to hold back? Trevas felt such hatred for Katlyn.

For many years he hadn’t been able to stand her. Their marriage was miserable, and nothing would ever change that. Trevas tightened his grip around her shoulder, digging his fingers into the fabric of her dress.

Gods, he wanted to kill her. He wanted to raise his hand to her throat so tightly as he watched her desperately gasp for air. He wanted to hit her head against the hard wall behind her until she bled.

That was what she deserved he kept telling herself. Katlyn deserved to die or rot away somewhere for everything she had done, and still, Trevas stood there as quiet as ever not being able to speak as his chest heaved as he sharply inhaled.

He had changed. She had changed. They had changed and brought their marriage down with them as they started to fall apart. All because Trevas so desperately wanted a son.

Guilt began creeping up on him, and he hated it. He wanted to leave and never look at Katlyn again, but he felt something. Something so foreign to him that it made him feel sick.

Trevas attempted to get the thoughts out of his mind. He kept repeating over and over to himself how much he hated Katlyn. How badly he wanted her to be gone from his life so he could start over with someone else, someone who wouldn’t hurt him because that was what Katlyn did. Her words cut right through him.

That hurt got covered with anger and emotionless expression every day. Trevas would push it away until the point where he forgot. He would snap at those around him, yell at Katlyn so he could feel better, and now all he managed was to look at her as no words seemed to slip past his teeth.

It made him feel defeated. Katlyn knew his weaknesses, and Trevas couldn’t stand it. He wasn’t weak. All his life he hadn’t been allowed to feel weak.

His mother had once told him that it would destroy him. Having weaknesses was bad for a King, and still, Trevas felt guilt and sorrow over how his last years with Katlyn had been. He needed to get that feeling away.

“I fucking hate you Katlyn,” he snarled at her, his voice filled with rage nearly shaking at how frustrated he felt.

Trevas hated her for having such power over him. He hated that she was able to make him feel this way. For a second he had felt like he deserved what he had gotten from her, but no.

He didn’t deserve it. He hadn’t done anything wrong. It was Katlyn’s fault. Those were the thoughts he kept pushing through his mind as he attempted to believe it, but he found himself too weak to be successful.

"Hate me. I don't care, Trevas. But this is as much my fault as it is yours."

Trevas moved his hand from her shoulder and up to her hair as he tangled in his fingers in the blonde strands only to pull on it harshly. Then he pressed his chest against hers, looking down at her as he still struggled to breathe which caused his chest to keep heaving.

“I hate you,” he muttered.

"I fucking hate you too."

Katlyn placed her hands on his shoulders and something washed over Trevas then that made him let go of her hair. Instead his hands went to her waist, grasping onto the fabric of her skirt as he pulled it up. He leaned down to hook his arms under her thigs to lift her up in his arms as he still kept her back pushed against the wall behind her. She pushed her hands against his shoulders, but that didn’t stop Trevas.

It all happened out of pure hatred as he leaned forward to press his lips against her neck. Harshly he sucked on her skin, letting his teeth sink into it as his fingers pressed against her hipbones. Trevas didn’t care if he hurt her. What he needed was to forget all about their conversation.

This was the one things that made him feel in control.

He pulled away from her neck, raising his hand to get a tight grip around it instead. His thumb pressed against the side of her throat as he leaned down to press his lips against hers. There was nothing passionate about his kiss. It was messy, and Trevas caught her bottom lip between his teeth, biting down on the flesh. Gods, he hated how good it made him feel. How powerful he felt. Right now he was in control of her breathing, he had her in his arms, making her unable to walk away from him. Trevas had complete control over the situation, and he loved it.

 

[desti]

Northern ways.
Chapter XLII
House Rhyne
May all be as one
Nilfgaard, Northern lands of Aedighar
​

The next few days had been quiet. So quiet that Antra slowly sank back into the misery that followed her around everywhere she went. She didn’t want to feel so horrible and pathetic, but Antra found herself yet again stuck to her bed most mornings. It was like a weight sat on her chest and she simply couldn’t sit up, making even such a simple task impossible.

Only when her stomach ached from not eating did Antra force herself to get out of bed. She didn’t want to rot away, Antra knew that Rhea wouldn’t want that. Antra knew that her sister would want her to live on with her life and be happy, but Gods it was hard. At least she could honestly say that she tried her hardest.

Antra would walk around camp, sometimes leaving the boundaries as she explored the forests around them. If she wanted to do that, she had to take a guard with her though, so Antra didn’t do that too often. With Aryana, she felt fine being around a man she hardly knew that would protect them. Alone, Antra felt uncomfortable as the guard would follow her through the trees.

Mainly, Antra just sticked to the campgrounds. As though anything would change over a day. It never did. It was always the same old things. Antra could almost predict what she would see that night, really. She had once liked routine, but now it felt strange. Antra almost wanted something to happen, something exciting or frightening. Something that would make her feel anything else but this crippling sadness.

Perhaps Antra should’ve been more careful with what she wished for. As she slowly started making her way back to the middle of the camp and to her own tent, Antra heard voices that hadn’t been there before. Her curiosity made her investigate and she looked from a safe distance as a small crowd of maybe half a dozen Northmen were pushing around someone.

It wasn’t a strange sight. Northmen were… stranger, perhaps, than the rest of Aedighar. They felt a need to be manly and strong at all times, and apparently being rude to other men was their way of inviting them amongst them. It was really strange, and Antra had seen this happen many times before. Young men were just belittled and pushed around by the older Northmen, but later on they’d drink from the same cup at a feast.

It confused Antra to no end, and she didn’t understand the point of it. Were they trying to see how strong the other men were? If they were worthy of their company? Surely there were less abusive ways to find that out. Most of the men were fine with it, but Antra thought that some of them must’ve gotten hurt. The North was harsh and so were its people, therefore Antra doubted that this crude introduction they felt was necessary would ever end.

One time, Antra had wanted to stop the Northmen from bullying one of the stableyboys at Nilfgaard. The boy had wanted to become a great fighter, which meant that he would have to endure this ritual of sorts. Antra hadn’t really known about it then, and she had seen them going at the boy in the courtyard, throwing various insults his way and even going as far as to throw punches at him.

She knew the boy, and she knew that he was kind and Antra couldn’t watch so she had gone to help him, but Brynden caught her halfway. Her brother had grabbed her and pulled her away, ignoring her protests against it. Quickly, Brynden explained everything to her, but it still made no sense to her then and nor did it make sense to her now.

Men were strange, that’s all Antra got from all of this.

Remembering the words Brynden had said, Antra almost started to walk away. This wasn’t her business, and as much as she wished to help she wasn’t supposed to. Perhaps she should’ve walked away, but hearing the name Elias made her stop in her tracks. The Northmen were mocking him rather loudly, challenging him to fight, to show and prove to them that he had a place here.

Antra remembered the man from some days ago, and how she had almost felt like herself for the first time around him. Elias seemed like such a nice man, she remembered how he had looked when he saw Hektor playing that dumb axe game. Though Antra didn’t want to judge him, somehow she doubted that he’d be able to handle the Northerners. Judging by their voices, they had had a bit of wine in them and Antra didn’t want to leave him there alone with them.

Taking a breath, Antra held up her chin and headed towards the crowd. They didn’t even notice her approach, because all of their focus was on Elias in front of them. Only when Antra was just a few feet away from them, did they raise their gazes from Elias.

“What are you doing? Leave him be,” Antra said, surprised by how confident her voice was.

The Northmen didn’t frighten her. She loved them and Antra knew that they would never harm her. They were all her brothers in a way, and she knew that they’d die for her if need be. She was Lord Brynden’s little sister, after all. Her kindness only helped to make the men around her be kind nice back to her.

“Lady Antra,” the man who she quickly recognized as Ethon Aerin spoke. He was a large man - Antra knew that if she’d stand behind him, she’d disappear from sight. Ethon must’ve been over six and a half feet tall, maybe even a full seven feet really, though Antra wasn’t sure. They called him Tiny Aerin as a joke.

“Ethon, what are you doing?” Antra asked again.

“We’re just welcoming our new friend here,” he shrugged and gave Elias another harsh push against his shoulder.

Antra shifted on her feet awkwardly as the confidence inside of her was lost, “well… stop that.”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Lord Brynden had been right about not getting time to rest. Elias had found himself quite busy. They were falling behind on their original plan due to what had happened to Rhea, and it had taken him some time to actually get to the North. Therefore there was a lot of pressure on him to do well since they needed to keep marching soon. Elias expected almost everyone in Aedighar would know what they were up to now.

They couldn’t underestimate the King though they didn’t like him. Elias was sure that he had men roaming Aedighar ready to report back to him if they ever saw anything suspicious. Many people were still loyal to him even though Elias thought of him as an evil King. He had murdered Timos on his wedding day. It was pure evil in Elias’ eyes, though he wasn’t the first bad King Aedighar had seen.

Elias had spent all night the day he had arrived looking over the map, thinking to himself what he would suggest for Lord Brynden in the morning after for his first meeting. It didn’t matter that he had felt exhausted because he knew he had to make a great first impression. Since it had been his sister who had advised Lord Brynden before Elias, he imagined the role he had to fill was quite significant.

There would be expectations, and he was even frightened that they would become angry with him because he was taking over the role of a dead girl that probably meant a lot to them.

Perhaps they would be angry at him if he commented one thing about their plan that turned out to be Rhea’s idea. Elias had many irrational thoughts that night. After what he had seen the books had been right about the Northerners, and Elias would have preferred to come back to Santrella with all his body parts still attached to him.

Even though Elias had worried to the point where he couldn’t seem to fall asleep, the first meeting had gone quite well in his eyes. He had gotten to hear about their plan, and they had explained their route to him. It impressed him that up until now their plan had worked out so well if they managed to look past the death of Rhea. They had gotten far without running into any sort of trouble with King Trevas.

Elias had said his opinions about their plan and had given them a few comments about how some if their ideas had been unrealistic. But he had chosen his words carefully.

The Northerners had the advantage even if they had fewer men than King Trevas. Winter was approaching, and Elias knew both the men and horses of King Trevas’ army would struggle if they were to meet them in a snow-filled battlefield. That was the best shot Lord Brynden had at winning the war.

One advantage Elias felt like he had was the fact that he had been to Wheldrake and seen the castle defenses. He had no idea if Rhea had ever been there, but Elias knew what it was like down there. During their meetings, he had been sure to mention how it would be nearly impossible to do a siege against them. The castle was too strong, and they probably had supplies to last them for longer than the supplies Lord Brynden had.

Elias had used the few days he had been in the North to think about what would happen if they had to march all the way to the castle. It was difficult to tell where they were now, but soon enough Elias would be able to present an excellent plan to Lord Brynden. All he needed was to see how far they would get before they ran into some of King Trevas’ men, and how long that would take them.

Other than his long days and nights, Elias hadn’t really wandered around in the camp as much as he had liked to. He hadn’t spoken to Antra since their first meeting, even if he wished to.

There had been so little time, and he almost felt bad since he knew that she was probably bored and had nothing to do. Elias already felt a small responsibility to help her with that, but Lord Brynden was taking so much of his days that he barely had any time to think about himself.

One evening though Elias found himself surrounded by Northmen instead of being in his own little tent.

To him, they were threatening him, but perhaps to them, it was a way of finding out where Elias’ place was in the camp. Either way, he felt incredibly uncomfortable as they were pushing him around like he was a toy to them. Elias felt so small compared to some of them who were a lot taller and bigger than him. He imagined one single punch from them would be able to knock him out.

No matter how much Elias wanted to fight back and make it stop, he was standing there taking in all the insulting remarks and pushes they gave him. Even when they attempted to intimidate him, he kept himself at ease knowing they would eventually grow tired of it.

Also he imagined it was something he just had to get used to if he was going to stay with the Northerners.

Elias didn’t even notice that Antra had stepped into the crowd until he heard her voice. It sounded so sweet and innocent compared to the Northmen who had been calling him all sorts of things. His gaze moved from the man who had spoken before and onto Antra. Though he was the one entirely out of place in the crowd, she was the one who looked like she didn’t belong there with her youthful beauty and small frame.

“What are you doing? Leave him be.”

“Lady Antra.”

“Ethon, what are you doing?”

“We’re just welcoming our new friend here.”

There was a harsh push against his shoulder then which caused him to stumble back trying to find his balance. He felt as if he was at a loss for words when he saw Antra trying to defend him, that she had that kind of courage amazed him because he had been too afraid to stand up for himself which now made him feel pathetic.

“Well… stop that.”

Elias watched as Antra seemed somewhat nervous, or maybe she was frightened like him. He wasn’t sure what it was as she shifted on her feet, but that caused Elias to step forward and place his hand against her shoulder, pulling her a little away just in case someone would hurt her, though he doubted that.

“Why don’t we stop this now so I can escort Lady Antra out of here safely?” Elias suggested, but there was nothing but serious about his voice. He was too intimidated by the men to dare to attempt to frighten them back, “I thank you for this warm welcoming I have received.” There was a hint of sarcasm in Elias’ voice then which caused the man to clench his fist only to hit it against his face.

Again Elias stumbled back, this time a lot further. He was close to falling onto the ground, but he managed to stay on his feet. The Northman clapped his hand against his shoulder then, but Elias was too busy holding his hand to his face where his fist had hit him. His nose ached, and he wasn’t sure if it was bleeding or not since he was too busy trying to overcome what had just happened.

Evidently, he had managed to handle the pushes and the remarks, but he hadn’t actually expected to get punched. He stood there completely stunned about what had just happened.

Elias looked up at Antra then, covering his nose with his hand. Now he just wanted to get away from the crowd, and he was supposed to be a man and escort Antra away, but instead, he just rested his free hand against her shoulder without even thinking about if it was okay or not. The Northerners were violent, but he had hoped he would never have to experience their anger, and still, he had found himself in the middle of it all.

 

[desti]

Needless to say, Antra wasn’t one for confrontation. She was always so gentle, Antra couldn’t remember the last time she’d raised her voice at anyone. Even now Antra couldn’t get herself to speak harshly to the men in front of her and she was confused at how to handle this situation. The men didn’t frighten her, her confidence only faltered when she wasn’t sure what to do now. Antra had thought that perhaps they’d stop when she’d show up, but that wasn’t happening.

Though Antra must’ve seemed frightened, because Elias stepped in front of her and pulled her away by her shoulder. It would’ve been gallant, but Antra only thought of it as maybe a little foolish. The men wouldn’t hurt Antra, but Elias was fair game. If anything, it should be her stepping in front of Elias, but as a Lady that seemed unthinkable of doing.

“Why don’t we stop this now so I can escort Lady Antra out of here safely? I thank you for this warm welcoming I have received.”

The sarcasm was quite clear in his voice. Ethon smiled at that and before Antra could even process it, Elias was stumbling back, cupping his hands over his nose. Antra gasped and looked at Ethon with a scolding look as though the shame he’d feel from it would make him apologize. Instead of doing that, the large man laughed and clapped his hand against Elias’ shoulder.

Obviously Ethon hadn’t put his whole strength into the punch. If the Northmen had actually been angry with him, then Elias would be in deep trouble. Now the worst case scenario was that his nose was broken, but it’d heal over time. Antra found herself almost angry at Ethon for making Elias go through this. She didn’t care if it was meant in a friendly way or not, but it had made him get hurt and Antra hated to see such things.

“Are you happy now?” Antra frowned.

Ethon shrugged, “quite.”

“Rude,” she mumbled, pouting a little.

Ethon turned around to face the other men as they cheered and laughed. They were so violent and horrible, and Antra would never be able to understand men like this. Though this was the only world she’d ever known, it still shocked Antra at times. Father had always said that she’d fit better in the South, not in the harsh North. Perhaps he’d been right.

A hand rested on Antra’s shoulder, and she turned her head to see Elias, still with his hand over his nose. She had expected a strategist to perhaps know how to fight, or at least be a little more strong when it came to taking punches, but perhaps that was different in the South. If it was Rhea in this situation, she would’ve given those Northmen a fight.

While Ethon and his men took to drinking more from their flagons, Antra turned around. For some reason the corners of her mouth threatened to twitch upwards. There was nothing funny about the situation, not really. Elias had gotten hurt and Antra was worried about him, but at the same time… Antra let out a chuckle as she looked at Elias and his hurt nose.

“I’m sorry,” Antra immediately apologized afterwards when she caught herself doing it.

Elias must think that she was horribly improper. She shouldn’t have laughed at his plight, but there she was, finding the situation funny in some way. Antra wasn’t sure which part of it had made her laugh, but either way she had to stop now. It wasn’t ladylike of her.

“It’s alright.”

Before turning around and leaving, Elias glanced at the Northerners one last time. They didn’t really seem to notice him, which was rather good. Antra pouted a little and watched him take a few steps away before she quickly followed him.

“Elias, I’m sorry. Are you alright?” Antra asked once she caught up.

Truth be told, Antra had seen worse injuries caused by the Northerners having their fun with someone. Elias had gotten off easy, but still she found herself worried for him. Of course he probably wasn’t used to these things. Thinking about that made Antra feel bad again for finding it amusing for a second.

Carefully, Antra raised her hand to touch his arm as they walked, “I’m sorry it happened. They just -- that’s how they do things. I hope you’re not terribly hurt…”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

There was a slight chuckle from Antra as their gaze met. Elias could imagine he looked quite pathetic standing there like he did. Perhaps he should have made Arthor teach him a few things before he had left.

If only they had the time to do that. Elias knew it wouldn’t have made the situation any different. He didn’t enjoy hurting people just because he knew stuff about war and strategy. It did make sense to him why war existed, but hurting people for fun never made any sense. Hopefully the Northerners were done with him though.

“I’m sorry.”

Elias honestly didn’t think much of Antra laughing at him. After everything the Northmen had just told him he had gotten somewhat used to the laughs and the remarks. Maybe he would have even laughed if he found the situation a little more humorous, but he didn’t. In a few minutes he could laugh about it once he had gotten over the pain.

“It’s alright.”

That was the truth. Elias didn’t mind it which was why he looked around at the crowed before stepping away. He started walking away from them in the direction of his tent. The cold air around them felt somewhat soothing against his nose when he let his hand fall to his side.

“Elias, I’m sorry. Are you alright?”

At first he had thought Antra would stay behind, but she caught up to him, and he looked down at her with a slight smile tugging at his lips. There was truly nothing to worry about since he had already figured that he just had to get used to how the Northerners treated other people. It was just foreign to him.

Elias could comfort himself knowing that they hadn’t hurt him badly, and that their words hadn’t hurt him. Things like that didn’t really bother him. They could say whatever they wanted about him, but if Lord Brynden had said any of those things he would have been frightened. That was the one person Elias wanted to impress.

Before he got to reply Antra touched his arm and spoke up again, “I’m sorry it happened. They just -- that’s how they do things. I hope you’re not terribly hurt…”

“Don’t worry about me Lady Antra. I’m fine.”

"Are you sure, Elias?"

Elias stopped then so he could turn to face her. Since she was a Lady, there was nothing for her to worry about. It wasn’t her job to worry about him at least. Elias could worry about himself and take care of himself. That responsibility wasn’t something he wanted to lay in her hands.

“I am sure. I wouldn’t lie to you.”

"If you say so... what happened? I figured you'd be quite good at staying out of trouble."

A sigh fell from his lips as he tore his gaze away from her, “I thought so too, but I was just on my way back to my tent. It doesn’t matter. Hopefully they have gotten their fun.”

"They won't do it again, if that helps. Does it still hurt?"

Elias rose his hand to bring it up to his nose, gently tracing his fingers along the bridge of it. It did hurt, and he winced at the pain. He wanted to deny it still, but he knew he couldn’t lie to Antra like that. There was no reason for him to lie either, so he slightly nodded, but he still smiled so she would understand that she wouldn’t have to worry about it.

“Yes, but it isn’t that bad. There is nothing to worry about.”

"Northern ways are a bit different than the ones in the South, I suppose."

Never in his life had Elias seen or experienced something like that in the South. The people he spent his days around were mostly calm and kind. Not really the type to bully people was a way to welcome them. Though Elias still saw the Southerners as strong people. They were tough, but compared to the Northmen they looked just as pathetic as himself. He wondered how Arthor would have dealt with the situation.

“They are for sure. It is okay though since that will give you an advantage in the war, but I imagine that isn’t very interesting to you so I won’t talk about that. Thank you Lady Antra for stepping in for me,” Elias smiled.

"Of course. They had no right to treat you like that, whether or not they had any ill intentions,” Antra shrugged, "they would've never hurt me, anyways."

“I am either way very thankful for it. It was very kind of you.”

Elias reached down to take her hand in his, raising it to his lips to press a kiss against her knuckles as a way of showing her just how thankful he was for the kindness she had shown him. Though he quickly let her hand go as he didn’t anyone to think much of his rather innocent way of thanking her.

 

[desti]

"Northern ways are a bit different than the ones in the South, I suppose."

From everything she had heard, Antra had decided that every other Kingdom was much more calm than the North. It must’ve been the harsh winters that made them such hard people. Antra thought that she agreed with her father that she’d fit in better in the South than here. Not that the North wasn’t filled with kind, nice people, but Antra still felt out of place here.

The attitude of the Northmen would only grow worse in the coming months. Antra figured that they would become harsher once the battles would start and the pressure would become unbearable. They’d be much easier to anger and quick to make bad, impulsive decisions. Antra only hoped that Brynden would be able to keep his men in line.

“They are for sure. It is okay though since that will give you an advantage in the war, but I imagine that isn’t very interesting to you so I won’t talk about that.”

Nobody ever spoke to Antra about the war, but she was used to it by this point. Everyone thought that she wasn’t interested in it, which was fair enough since she never really went out of her way to find anything out. Though it obviously mattered to Antra what was going on, she couldn’t exactly say that she was extremely interested in it. Really, the outcome was the one thing that mattered to her.

“Thank you Lady Antra for stepping in for me,” Elias smiled.

"Of course. They had no right to treat you like that, whether or not they had any ill intentions,” Antra shrugged, "they would've never hurt me, anyways."

They had too much respect for Brynden to ever even consider doing that. If something were to happen to Antra from their hands, then they’d likely pay for it dearly. Antra knew Brynden and how he’d deal with such things, even though she didn’t quite like his violent approach. She was a firm believer that words were much more effective during confrontation, rather than punches. Antra found that silly, but most men seemed to think that it was alright.

“I am either way very thankful for it. It was very kind of you.”

Antra wasn’t quite sure what had compelled her to go and help Elias. He should’ve taken care of the situation himself and she as a Lady shouldn’t have had any part in it. And yet she felt so bad for the man that Antra couldn’t stop herself and ignore it.

As a way to show his gratitude, Elias raised her hand and pressed his lips against her knuckles. This time, Antra found herself watching him almost curiously as he did that. It felt almost sweet in a way, though Antra had no reason to think much of it.

“Well, I couldn’t just leave you… it looked like you needed some help,” Antra shrugged with a careful smile, “are you not a big fighter?”

"I prefer books. Is it strange that I am not fond of fighting?"

Antra shrugged as she thought about it. The men she had been surrounded with her whole life would be thrilled at the prospect of fighting. Perhaps Willelm was a bit calmer than most, but Brynden and father were very fond of violence. Then again, Antra supposed that it was just part of what boys learnt to do when they were young, it was something ingrained in them during childhood. Perhaps that’s why it was strange for her to see a man as gentle as Elias.

“It’s quite unusual, I’ll admit. Why is that? If you don’t mind me asking.”

"I have never been good at it. I have tried, but I don't think I have that balance within me to be able to swing a sword around, but I had to do something useful with my life, so that was where the books came in."

Slightly tilting her head, Antra listened to him. She found herself wanting to know more about Elias, but she didn’t want to burden him with questions. Antra figured that he probably had better things to do than talk with her, considering how busy he probably was. After all, they hadn’t really talked to each other since that first time he arrived at camp.

“Ah,” Antra nodded, “I suppose you could’ve become a Maester. That’s what most do if they’re no good with a sword.”

"Would you have preferred it if I was a Maester?"

To be quite honest, Antra didn’t like Maesters. They were always so serious and obsessed with things Antra didn’t really understand. Even the one at Nilfgaard, the one she’d spent so many hours with while learning about the world around her, made her almost uncomfortable to be around him. Maesters were strange creatures, and Elias didn’t really fit with the image of them that Antra had in her mind.

“I don’t think so. I would’ve never met you if you were a Maester.”

"I'm glad I didn't go down that path then."

Antra smiled a little as Elias said that. It almost made her believe that he enjoyed her company as much as she enjoyed his. Though she still felt rather bad for wasting his valuable time like this. Selfishly, Antra wanted to talk with him for longer though.

“I’m glad as well,” Antra said quietly, “how did you end up working for Lady Hastwyck?”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

“Ah, I suppose you could’ve become a Maester. That’s what most do if they’re no good with a sword.”

That was something Elias had thought about a couple of times during his life, but he had never decided to go through with it. It didn’t really interest him to become a Maester though he was fond of books and not very skilled at fighting.

Titles were still something he didn’t think much of either. Elias was maybe strange for not wanting to become a Maester, a Knight or a Lord, but he also felt like neither of those roles would fit him.

It had been quite difficult for him as a child to figure out where his place was. While the other boys around him would run around in the courtyard fighting each other, he would just hide so he wouldn’t get dragged into it. It wasn’t in his nature to fight others, and he imagined it never would be unless he had to.

Though Elias never wanted to actually experience that.

"Would you have preferred it if I was a Maester?"

Elias asked that question purely because he didn’t know what else to say since there wasn’t much to say. Also he wanted to know what Antra would have thought of him if he was a Maester, though most likely he wouldn’t have been by Lord Brynden’s side then. He had no idea where he would have been then or if he even would have been serving Lady Carlys. Elias didn’t want to imagine what that would have been like.

“I don’t think so. I would’ve never met you if you were a Maester.”

"I'm glad I didn't go down that path then."

Meeting Antra was the highlight of him having to go to the North. If he hadn’t agreed to it, even if he didn’t have much of a choice, he would have never seen her. Elias was glad that he had managed to find one person he felt comfortable talking to. She was so kind and sweet, and it just reminded him of how things were back home.

“I’m glad as well,” Antra said quietly, “how did you end up working for Lady Hastwyck?”

That was quite the story to tell, and Elias hadn’t even thought about that for a long time, so he stood there thinking it over as he tried to figure out a way to make it enjoyable for her to listen to.

It was in reality very strange how he had ended up working for her, but he was forever grateful for it. At the same time, he wanted to be humble about it and not praise himself for how wise he was in front of Antra.

“I’m sure that story would be an interesting one to hear, but really it isn’t anything special. I was a young man who showed great passion for knowledge and strategy. Now, thinking about them it was actually quite surprising that Hastwycks even trusted me enough to take me into their home, but I suppose they saw potential in me,” Elias said, “but I got offered to advise them, and I was quite bad at it in the beginning.”

"Obviously you're very good at your job now and that's what matters. Lady Hastwyck must think very highly of you to send you off to do something as important as this."

It felt so strange to talk about him, and Elias almost hoped Antra wouldn’t ask more question about his life as he truly didn’t like talking about it. Not because it was bad, but simply because he never liked talking about himself.

“I hope so at least. I wouldn’t want to disappoint Lord Brynden or Lady Carlys.”

"You won't. Brynden said he's very hopeful about you."

“What do you think about the war? Does it interest you?”

Elias wanted to know more about Antra though that wasn’t really fair since he didn’t want to talk about himself. Antra was interesting to him though, and he wondered what her opinion about the war was. Though he didn’t expect much from her. What could a sweet lady like her know about war? Elias would be rather surprised if she knew much about it or even showed interest for it.

Most of all he just wanted their conversation to keep going as it distracted him from the pain and the real work he had to do.

"I care about whether we're going to win or not. I don't know much about the war, honestly. I'm in the middle of it, but it's like everyone stops talking about it when I'm near."

That was understandable in his eyes. It was always easy to assume that women weren’t interested in wars and battles, but Elias didn’t want to doubt Antra even though he slightly had already. He smiled when she said she didn’t know much about the war, and gently rested his hand against her arm then.

“Follow me. I’ll show you something.”

Antra seemed hesitant, but she still followed him as Elias started walking towards his tent. It was sort of small and in the past couple of days, all he had managed to do in it was create a mess. Perhaps it wasn’t the best idea he had to sow Antra how messy he was, but he wanted to talk to her about what he was most passionate about. That way she could get to know him without him having to really talk about himself.

Once Elias stepped into his tent he walked over to where he had piled his books up and where his maps laid scattered across his other belongings.

“I apologize for this mess,” Elias said as he took his maps. They were all different from each other. Some were detailed maps of each region in Aedighar, while others were of just Aedighar on its own. Gently he placed them down on his mattress before sitting down on the edge of it.

“I understand if this doesn’t interest you My Lady, but I would be more than happy to show you anything that you want to know.”

 

[desti]

As Elias told Antra about how he had become part of Lady Hastwyck’s household, she carefully listened to every word. She wanted to learn more about him, more about how life in the South was like, but Antra didn’t want to bother him. Perhaps Elias didn’t even want to talk about it that much, Antra knew that some people wanted to keep their pasts to themselves. If Antra would get a hint that Elias didn’t wish to talk about it, then she’d somehow deal with it and would remember not to ask any more questions.

“What do you think about the war? Does it interest you?”

"I care about whether we're going to win or not. I don't know much about the war, honestly. I'm in the middle of it, but it's like everyone stops talking about it when I'm near."

It was as though Brynden had told everyone to keep their mouths shut around her. Antra understood that they didn’t want to upset her, but she was a grown woman, not a child anymore. If anything, that was what saddened her, that they didn’t think she was mature enough to handle this. Antra didn’t really bother anyone about it, though, because she figured that nobody would tell her anything anyways. Just brush it off and quickly move over to another topic.

Elias smiled at that and rested his hand against her arm, “follow me. I’ll show you something.”

It confused her and at the same time intrigued her. Antra was always too curious for her own good, and she found herself following Elias. Perhaps she shouldn’t have, but she wanted to know what Elias wanted her to see. When Elias lead her to his tent, Antra felt a little inappropriate standing there, but she pushed those thoughts away from her.

Elias apologized for the mess he had managed to create in the past few days, but Antra just shrugged it off. Her own belongings were tidy and neat at all times, but a little bit of mess didn’t bother her that much. She stood awkwardly near the entrance as she watched Elias take something from a pile of papers and books, and various other things. Alright, perhaps it was a little messy here after all.

When Elias sat down on his bed with what looked like maps, Antra walked towards him again. She stood in front of the mattress and looked down at the maps that he’d laid out. They seemed so intricate and detailed, it amazed Antra that somebody had put in the work to make these. At least they had had the chance to travel so much, which must’ve been fantastic.

“I understand if this doesn’t interest you My Lady, but I would be more than happy to show you anything that you want to know.”

As Antra stood there with her gaze fixated on the maps, a sudden feeling of sadness washed over her. She realised that she hadn’t really spoken to Rhea about this at all. Antra had no clue what Rhea had been doing these months, actually. She had wasted so much time with Aryana during those months, that she completely forgot about her sister.

Maybe Antra was as weak as everyone thought. Some maps even managed to make her upset. Elias had no ill intentions, obviously, and she didn’t want to make him feel bad. In a way, Antra almost felt like if she’d try to take interest in this then she’d feel closer to Rhea.

“So… where exactly are we now?”

It was a stupid question, and she realised that too late. Antra didn’t even know where their camp was now. The last time they were somewhere she knew, was at Lady Lynde’s castle. Gods, Elias must think she was such a fool. A blush rose to her cheeks, but Elias was already deep in a monologue about their location and where they were headed next, so he likely didn’t even notice.

Antra sat down on the mattress, keeping the maps between her and Elias. She watched him ramble about his plans and point out the way they were going. It almost made no sense to her, but it must’ve made sense to Elias himself. He seemed to passionate about it, and Antra wondered if Rhea would’ve been this happy to tell her all of this. She tried to focus on Elias’ words for Rhea’s sake.

Suddenly, Elias stopped talking, and Antra raised her gaze up from the maps to look at him as he spoke, "I'm sorry."

“You’re sorry?” Antra raised an eyebrow.

"I'm rambling and this might not be as interesting to you as it is to me."

Antra wondered about that for a bit. She didn’t really care that much about roads and paths after all, and she didn’t really care that much about which way was better for them. But Antra wanted to find out more, anyways, for Rhea as strange as that seemed. It just sounded like a way for Antra to feel close to her sister again as she slowly understood why Rhea had been so interested in this.

Shaking her head, Antra smiled a little at him, “no, please continue. I like listening to you talk about this.”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

This was truly Elias’ passion. The were so many interesting things to learn about Aedighar. Whether it was the history, the landscape, the people or the cultures. Elias loved reading about it, and he could never get enough of the feeling of learning something new. Every time he looked at one of his maps he felt like he would notice one new detail about them. They were beautifully made, and he cherished them.

In some way, they were better than the books, but Elias enjoyed everything about it, thinking of smart strategies. How he had to take everything into consideration. The weather, the people, the fields. Often he had to think of many different outcomes to his plan and figure out the risks of them. There was a lot of hard work that went into his job, and Elias didn’t want to admit that it often got overlooked.

Sometimes he wished there was someone else like him who could enjoy and admire his passions with him. Perhaps that was why he had brought Antra to his tent. He wanted her to be that type of person who would like hearing him ramble on about the things that went through his mind.

“So… where exactly are we now?”

That was the question that started Elias on his ramble. He pointed his finger at where they were now on the less detailed map, slowly dragging his finger down the path they were going to followed. He stopped at a few places, glanced up at Antra as he told her about those places. Then he even told her where he expected them to meet King Trevas’ men, or wished to meet them.

Elias told her about the beautiful forests that would surround them when they walked down that path. How they would likely see the sea once they passed the eastern border.

If he had the chance, he would have told her every single thing he knew. That would end with them sitting there the whole night while he probably bored her to death. Elias didn’t want that and quickly realized that he was rambling on about things that likely didn’t interest her at all. All she had asked was where they were now, and he had failed to answer a simple question with a simple answer.

"I'm sorry."

“You’re sorry?”

"I'm rambling and this might not be as interesting to you as it is to me."

Elias smiled at her when their gaze met, hoping she wouldn’t think anything different about him after all the things he had just said. It was also inconsiderate of him to not think about the fact that maybe she didn’t understand any of it. Elias would have gladly explained it all more in-depth to her though.

“No, please continue. I like listening to you talk about this.”

“Have you ever been to Wheldrake before?”

"No, have you? I've heard it's beautiful there."

Again Elias found it tough to answer a simple question with a simple answer. Instead of just telling her that he had been there, he dragged out a more detailed map of the Crownlands where he traced his finger along the outline of Wheldrake. It was almost like he was drawing the castle onto the map from what he could remember of it in his mind. He spoke about the gardens, how beautiful the sea was and at night if you listened carefully, you could hear the waves crashing into the shore.

Elias told her many good things about Wheldrake though he couldn’t stand the people there, but then he started telling her a little bit more about strategy. It could have made very little sense to her, but he explained to her what strengths Wheldrake had. The sea close to them was both a strength and a weakness. For Lord Brynden and his men, it was their strength since Brynden did not have any fleets to go on the sea.

For others, the sea could be their only weakness, and Elias tried to explain that to Antra in a way she would understand. Then Elias looked up at Antra who did not look very interested in the things he was talking about, which he understood, but also felt bad about since he was probably making her night very boring.

“I apologize again, my Lady. I didn’t mean to start rambling again,” he chuckled.

"It's alright, Elias. I like hearing what you have to say. It's interesting."

“No, I think I have talked enough about this now.”

"Well... I'd like to hear more sometime."

“Well, I would like to tell you more about it whenever you feel like listening to my rambling."

"I'd like that. If I'm not bothering you, of course. You must be awfully busy..."

Elias was busy since it was quite important what he did, but he did want to squeeze in some time for Antra if she would enjoy his company. It was difficult not to enjoy her company, and it made Elias feel better after everything that had just happened to him. At least the initial pain was gone. His nose just ached, and he was sure that it would bruise, but he didn’t mind it. Antra was there with him making him feel better, and that was all he cared about.

“Somehow I will find time to talk to you, even if I am very busy.”

 

[desti]

Unexpected.
Chapter XLIII
House Wynver
Forwards From Beneath
Wheldrake, Crownlands of Aedighar
​

A trial by combat was Katlyn’s only chance to survive this. If the Gods would smile upon her, then the King’s Guard would prevail against whoever Lady Carlys would choose to be her champion. The outcome didn’t matter than much to her, still, and she would accept whatever fate the Gods would choose for her.

An eerie quiet took over the Throne room once Katlyn uttered those words that would either doom her or save her. She hadn’t really spoken at all since the trial began, and now that it was time for her defense that was the only thing that would actually make a difference. Nothing Katlyn would say about how it was truly Trevas’ plan would change anyone’s mind about her, and she found herself not wanting to condemn him anyways.

Katlyn remembered looking at Lady Carlys then and the woman looked almost angry at her demand. Of course that was understandable, she might lose one of her men that day, which was likely not in her interests. Katlyn didn’t really care for Lady Hastwyck’s men anyways, and she’d gladly see one of them perish under the King’s Guard’s sword.

As Katlyn sat there in front of everyone, she found herself wondering which one of the King’s Guard men would be the most suitable. She didn’t want just anyone, she wanted the best they had. The decision was almost easy as she remembered a conversation Trevas and she had had such a long time ago. Sir Rowan would do fine, and out of the seven he was likely the most promising to win. If he wouldn’t win, then nobody could.

Her demand made the trial end much sooner than everybody had expected. There was not much left to discuss after that, since words didn’t matter anymore. Katlyn’s life would be decided by violence now, and she almost found the thought exciting. At least the trial would be a lot more entertaining now.

During the second day, while the last of the testimonies were made against her, Katlyn found herself horribly bored. She was waiting for her turn to speak, and she almost didn’t really listen to what the people around her were claiming. Not like it mattered, because it was all lies anyways. Her thoughts drifted away from the trial, and she found herself thinking about what had happened the night before.

Every once in a while, Katlyn would glance over at Trevas, but she’d quickly look away from him then before he caught her. What had happened between them had been a mistake, and there was nothing else to it. Just a wonderful mistake, and that was all. The one good thing that had come of it was that at least Katlyn had something other than her likely death to think about that night.

After the trial, Katlyn had been escorted back to her chambers by the guards. They didn’t speak, they never did and Katlyn appreciated that. If they would open their mouths, Katlyn would swiftly tell them to shut up anyways, and they likely knew that quite well. Although a prisoner, Katlyn was still their Queen whether they liked it or not.

Her room was so lonely that Katlyn almost wanted to go back to the trial again. She had initially liked the peace and quiet she got here, but now it seemed almost overwhelming in a way. Katlyn realised that she did want to talk to someone. In the case that Sir Rowan wouldn’t be victorious, Katlyn wanted to see her family one last time. Not Trevas, no, but her daughters… Gods, she prayed that Elaria and Ashara would make it through this alright.

It was frustrating to think about them, really. They were grown women and Katlyn shouldn’t worry that much about them, but they were still children in her eyes. The girls were so emotional and Katlyn feared to imagine what their reactions to this would be. Even if Trevas would try to take care of them, Katlyn wasn’t sure if he’d manage. They needed their mother, Katlyn knew that.

If Katlyn would die in the coming days, what happened to them would be out of her control. She prayed that Trevas would find it in himself to be a good father to them, but Katlyn was afraid that the hate he harbored for her wouldn’t allow him to do that. Gods, she had been such a selfish fool all these years.

When the door opened, Katlyn almost thought she might see him. Thank the Gods that wasn’t the case, though. Katlyn was so tired of everything that she wouldn’t have been able to handle him. She sat at the table and raised her head, only to see her eldest daughter walk in through the door.

A smile tugged at her lips at the sight of her. For a second, Katlyn even wondered if it was real, if Elaria was truly here. She had been so afraid that she’d never see her beautiful face again. Gods, what had she heard about her mother? The thought of that made Katlyn’s smile falter.

Perhaps it wasn’t right that she was here. Elaria shouldn’t see her mother like this. Katlyn wanted to be remembered as the mother she had been, not what Elaria must think of her now. Gods, her hatred for Trevas crept up on her again as she thought about how her daughter must hate her.

“Elaria,” Katlyn said and tried to smile again.

It wasn’t right for parents to have favourites, but Elaria was Katlyn’s. She was her first child, so sweet and kind. Gods, Elaria was nothing like Katlyn and she loved her for it. She was the Queen that Aedighar needed, and Katlyn felt sorrow over the fact that she’d likely never see her daughter sit on the Throne.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

After Elaria’s conversation with Lady Carlys, it seemed as if everything was starting to make sense to her. Every hour she spent in her bedchamber she thought about Carlys’ words. It had been difficult to believe that her mother was the one guilty of the murder, but as Elaria had started sneaking out of her bedchamber more often, she heard horrible things about her mother. Things she had never expected to hear.

There had not been a single time in her life that Elaria had doubted her mother. Katlyn had been a good parent to her, caring and kind. It was until Lady Carlys had told her that Elaria finally started to wonder if she truly knew her mother or if she had been blinded all her life. Perhaps there was a reason to why she had been so kind. Elaria thought her mother’s kindness was a way to mask her guilt.

Elaria thought about how worried Timos had been about her parents. Perhaps her mother had seen that nervosity as a weakness, thinking he wouldn’t be a great king. It was foolish of her to believe such things, but she wanted answers. How could her mother have ripped the love of her life away from her? Elaria didn’t deserve that, and neither did Timos. He had been so kind to her.

At night while laying next to Justan, she found herself crying again. Her hands would clutch onto her pillow seeking to find some comfort. During the mornings she would lay safely beneath the blankets, burying her face deep down into the mattress. Elaria didn’t know how to handle the sudden heartache and betrayal she felt.

Sometimes she wondered if it would help her if Justan had turned around to hold her, but Elaria was too frightened to ask. She knew well that he didn’t love her, why would he want to hold her then? They didn’t speak to each other, and Elaria knew she would have to live with her pillows and blankets as her way to find comfort. Her father wasn’t there for her, neither was her sister, and Elaria didn’t want to see her mother.

Elaria hated herself for starting to forget what Timos’ embrace felt like. The memory of him had started to fade, and she wished she could see him one last time. She wanted to remember every single detail about his face, but no matter how hard she tried to remember it was so far away that she couldn’t even remember what his laugh sounded like.

Even when she tried to dream about him, she would only be met with the sight of his lifeless body.

It pained her that someone that she had trusted so much had taken Timos away from her in such a horrible way. Elaria had tried so hard to get over it only for it all to come back to her and push her down into the state she so badly wanted to get out of. There was only one thing that she could do. She would have to speak to her mother to get answers no matter how much she wanted to stay away from her.

Her mother was the only one who could tell her why she had done such a thing to Timos.

Perhaps knowing the truth would only hurt her more, but she couldn’t stand the thoughts that rushed through her mind as she tried to figure out why. Elaria craved to know before she ripped out her hair from her head. That was why she found herself walking down the hallway to find the chamber her mother was being held in. The guards she walked past didn’t seem awfully suspicious about her not being in her room.

Though one had stopped to ask her where she was going alone, they quickly moved along once Elaria told them she was going to see her mother. Maybe they understood that she needed to see her mother one last time. She had thought about how her mother could be executed for the crimes she had committed, but Elaria didn’t know how to feel about it. Of course she didn’t want to lose her mother, but she felt so betrayed.

Elaria remembered how she had cried about not wanting to lose her mother too, but the more she had thought about it she wondered if her mother actually deserved it after murdering Timos.

It was difficult to tell since she hadn’t seen her mother in so many days, and since she didn’t know much about what was happening. Maybe Lady Carlys had lied to her even. Elaria knew she had a habit of trusting people’s words even if they made little sense to her, but why would Lady Carlys lie to her? The Lady had no reason to lie to Elaria, or at least that was what she thought.

When she reached the door that was guarded by two knights, she felt her heart starting to race again as she asked to be let in. Elaria had no expectations about what was waiting for her on the other side of the door, but seeing her mother again became much more difficult than she had thought.

As she stepped in, she felt at a loss for words seeing her. She had murdered Timos, that was what Elaria thought as soon as their gaze met.

“Elaria.”

“Mother,” Elaria mumbled, fiddling with her hands as she stood in front of the door that had now been closed by one of the guards. What was she supposed to say? Everything she had thought about asking was suddenly gone from her mind, and Elaria felt overwhelmed by the atmosphere in the room. It felt like it was choking her, making her unable to do anything.

"What are you doing here, Elaria?"

“I can’t seem to sleep at night. I need answers.”

"Does your father know you're here?"

“No, does that matter?”

"I suppose not."

Elaria exhaled deeply as she tried to find the right words. She looked away from her mother as she wondered. It frightened her that her mother was capable of doing such a thing, and perhaps she should have told her father that she was going to see her. Luckily there were guards outside in case something were to happen.

“Why did you kill him? You know how much I loved him. How could you do such a thing to me?”

 

[desti]

Katlyn thought that Elaria looked terribly uncomfortable standing here. This wasn’t what she wanted at all. She wanted to hold her daughter, stroke her hair and tell her everything would be alright. Perhaps it would’ve been best if they’d never see each other again, because Katlyn didn’t want her last memories of Elaria to be of her looking so uncomfortable. In a way, she almost looked frightened.

If Katlyn would ask the guards to lead Elaria away, she figured that they’d listen to her. But part of her still wanted to talk to her daughter, even though she must hate her. Part of Katlyn still hoped that Elaria loved her, but Gods this all must hurt her greatly. Still, Katlyn wasn’t sure just how much Elaria knew about all of this, and she didn’t want to lie to her, although she likely would have to if her daughter wished to speak about what was happening.

"What are you doing here, Elaria?"

“I can’t seem to sleep at night. I need answers.”

Katlyn knew well of just how badly Timos’ death had affected Elaria. She still remembered how she’d gone to comfort the girl the day after. What did Elaria think of that? If her daughter was under the impression that Katlyn had killed him, did she think that Katlyn’s empathy hadn’t been genuine?

"Does your father know you're here?"

“No, does that matter?”

"I suppose not."

It didn’t. Either way, Trevas would find out eventually. Katlyn figured that the Guards outside would tell him who had come in and out of her room. She hoped that Elaria wouldn’t get into trouble for this, and that Trevas would understand.

“Why did you kill him? You know how much I loved him. How could you do such a thing to me?”

The words hurt so badly, and Katlyn wasn’t sure how to approach this. Elaria sounded so hurt and so betrayed, that Katlyn looked down at her lap in shame. Truthfully, Katlyn had always known of Trevas’ plan. She’d never liked it, although getting rid of Timos Hastwyck was a good decision. Perhaps Katlyn was a bad mother for thinking such things.

It would be almost easy to tell Elaria the whole truth. Katlyn could tell her everything that she hadn’t told in court, blame Trevas for all of it. She wanted to open her mouth and finally be honest, but nothing came out. Elaria was already hurt by thinking that it was Katlyn’s fault, she’d be crushed to find out that both of her parents knew about it before it happened. Katlyn couldn’t do that to her.

“I am so sorry, my love,” Katlyn said slowly, thinking about how she should phrase all of this, “I never thought it would hurt you so greatly. I’m afraid my interests in this were solely towards Aedighar and House Wynver.”

"You didn't stop to think about me?"

Gods, it was unbearable to say these things to Elaria. Perhaps it would be for the better. If Elaria would dislike her after this, loathe her and hate her with all of her heart, then she wouldn’t get hurt in the case that Katlyn would be executed. Perhaps it was better this way, and Katlyn tried to tell herself that.

“I love you, Elaria. I’m afraid the Realm is more important than love.”

"You're evil. I thought you cared about me."

Katlyn smiled sadly at that. Gods, she loved that girl and now she would forever ruin their relationship. Katlyn remembered how sweet Elaria had been her whole life, and how much she had loved her all this time. It pained her to know that Elaria was so hurt by her.

“In our life, Elaria, love is dangerous and undesirable. It only complicates things, as you’ve found out.”

"It only got complicated because you decided to murder Timos."

Katlyn shook her head involuntarily at the accusation, “sometimes people have to get hurt for the greater good. One day you’ll be Queen, and people will hurt you constantly, betray you and use your kindness against you. You yourself might make decisions that hurt others, because you’ll realise that sometimes that is necessary.”

"I never thought the person who would betray me would be my own mother. Perhaps I will be hurt again, but I thought you would be there by my side to guide me and help me."

Gods, what had she done that was so cruel to deserve this? Katlyn played with a loose thread from her sleeve as her eyes kept moving around the floor. She couldn't look at Elaria while saying these things. It was already hard enough.

“I thought so too. Life is terribly unfair, Elaria,” Katlyn replied.

Katlyn only hoped that Trevas would help Elaria before she'd become Queen, prepare her for her upcoming role. After he'd pass and she'd begin ruling, Elaria would likely be on her own. Katlyn didn't expect the Brynes to be much help in this, and now she feared if Elaria would be able to handle being a ruler. At least she'd have Justan by her side, but, if she wouldn't learn to love him, that wouldn't really matter too much.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Slowly the thoughts Elaria had in her head about her mother was becoming a reality. A part of her had expected it all to be some big lie, and that her mother would finally tell her the truth. Elaria also hoped that her mother hadn’t killed Timos, but when Katlyn didn’t deny it Elaria didn’t know if she wanted to run out or yell at her. So many thoughts rushed through her mind then, struggling to process everything that was happening.

All this time she had thought her mother truly cared about her. Elaria doubted her sister and her father, but she had believed that her mother would never want to hurt her.

It was so unfair that they had let her meet Timos and believe that she would marry him one day, only for her mother to kill him on their wedding day. It was cruel, and Elaria would have never thought her own mother had it in her to do such a thing. As she stood there, it was almost like a whole new world opened up to her. It felt like her whole life had been a lie, and that she truly couldn’t trust anyone around her.

If Elaria could, she would have rambled on about how much this hurt her. She wanted to seek comfort in her mother and attempt to forgive her, but how could she? It felt impossible to forgive her after everything she had just said and done. That was something Elaria would never have imagined would happen. That she wouldn’t be able to forgive her mother, and it also made her feel lonely.

"You're evil. I thought you cared about me."

“In our life, Elaria, love is dangerous and undesirable. It only complicates things, as you’ve found out.”

"It only got complicated because you decided to murder Timos."

“Sometimes people have to get hurt for the greater good. One day you’ll be Queen, and people will hurt you constantly, betray you and use your kindness against you. You yourself might make decisions that hurt others, because you’ll realise that sometimes that is necessary.”

"I never thought the person who would betray me would be my own mother. Perhaps I will be hurt again, but I thought you would be there by my side to guide me and help me."

None of her words made sense to Elaria. Had she killed Timos because it would be too complicated since love was dangerous. Timos would have stood there by her side and been an excellent King. Elaria had dreamt about that often before his death, how wonderful they would be together. Even if she would be betrayed and hurt as a Queen, why did Timos have to die? Elaria didn’t understand.

“I thought so too. Life is terribly unfair, Elaria.”

“You ruined my life. You ruined everything for me, and you have no good excuse to why you did it because you are cruel. I hope the Gods see what a horrible person you are mother. I hope they don’t have mercy on you for what you did to Timos and me,” she spoke as her voice was shaking from the overwhelming feeling of sadness that washed over her.

"What I've done is unforgivable. I'm sure the Gods will be just. I deserve no mercy from them. I'm sorry it came to this, Elaria."

“Stop saying you’re sorry. I know you're not sorry about it.”

There was no way her mother was sorry about what she had done. Then Elaria hadn’t gone through rough times mourning over Timos thinking it was just a natural death. If she was sorry about it, she would have told Elaria about everything, even if it would have hurt her more.

"Elaria, the world isn't black and white. Sometimes we have to make bad decisions because of the situations we are in. You have to understand that."

“If you think I will ever forgive you or understand why you killed the love of my life, you are wrong mother.”

Elaria would never understand, and she was starting to regret her decision to come to her mother in the first place. It wasn’t helping her at all. If anything it was just making it worse.

"I don't expect you to do that. I only ask that you don't see me as evil solely based on one decision I made."

“That one decision was to kill the person who truly cared about me. The person I could trust and love. No one in this family cares about me and I can’t trust any of you.”

It pained her to say such things to her mother, but that was truly how Elaria felt about the whole situation. If her family truly cared about her, they all would have been there for her, but not even her own husband cared for her. After Timos’ death, her life had truly been miserable.

"Elaria, we all care about you. I spent so many hours comforting you after his death. If I was as heartless as you think I am, would I have done that?"

“I think you did it because you never wanted me to know the truth. You didn’t want me to know that you killed Timos.”

 

[desti]

“You ruined my life. You ruined everything for me, and you have no good excuse to why you did it because you are cruel. I hope the Gods see what a horrible person you are mother. I hope they don’t have mercy on you for what you did to Timos and me.”

Gods, even her voice was shaking. Katlyn felt so horrible, and at the same time she felt as though she deserved this. It was partly her fault that their family had been ruined, so she decided that it was alright for Elaria to say these things to her. In a way, she had ruined her life, but not in the way Elaria imagined. That was Trevas’ doing.

"What I've done is unforgivable. I'm sure the Gods will be just. I deserve no mercy from them. I'm sorry it came to this, Elaria."

If the Gods had any brains, they would let Sir Rowan die at the hands of Lady Carlys’ champion. This would all be over, finally, and Katlyn would be freed of this pain. Perhaps Elaria would be happy too, to see her mother die after hearing all these things about her. Katlyn wasn’t sure about Ashara, she hoped that perhaps at least her youngest would mourn her death. Trevas likely wouldn’t think much of her death.

“Stop saying you’re sorry. I know you're not sorry about it.”

"Elaria, the world isn't black and white. Sometimes we have to make bad decisions because of the situations we are in. You have to understand that."

“If you think I will ever forgive you or understand why you killed the love of my life, you are wrong mother.”

"I don't expect you to do that. I only ask that you don't see me as evil solely based on one decision I made."

“That one decision was to kill the person who truly cared about me. The person I could trust and love. No one in this family cares about me and I can’t trust any of you.”

Katlyn refused to think that that was true. She obviously cared for Elaria with her whole being, she would’ve done anything for the girl, though it obviously didn’t seem so right at this moment. Ashara had been rather unbearable, but she’d matured over the last few months and Katlyn hadn’t heard of her being rude to Elaria. Though obviously the two still weren’t as close as Katlyn would’ve liked them to be. They were sisters, supposed to watch out for each other, but it didn’t seem like Ashara was interested in doing that.

Admittedly, what Trevas had done so soon after Timos’ death was unacceptable. That hadn’t helped Elaria one bit, and Katlyn was still angry at him for doing that, though she had come to understand his decision. Katlyn hadn’t been there for Elaria as much as she would’ve liked to have been, but she had tried her best. It sounded ridiculous that Elaria thought she didn’t care for her.

"Elaria, we all care about you. I spent so many hours comforting you after his death. If I was as heartless as you think I am, would I have done that?"

“I think you did it because you never wanted me to know the truth. You didn’t want me to know that you killed Timos.”

That almost sounded silly to Katlyn. It made no sense to her, and Elaria must’ve said it purely because of her emotions towards her mother.

“Elaria, I did it because I wanted to take care of you. There were no ulterior motives there.”

"Stop saying that, please. You have hurt me enough already."

Katlyn nodded at that, “I’m sorry Elaria. I hope this won’t be how you’ll remember me.”

"I hope I won't remember you."

Would any of them? Katlyn had always feared to die in obscurity and she thought that being Queen would eradicate that fear forever. Now, the people she cared most for would erase her from their thoughts. Trevas, Elaria, Ashara… all of them will hate her and forget about her as soon as they can. Another sad smile graced her lips.

“Perhaps that would be for the better.”

"I think so."

If only Katlyn could forget them all. If she could live her last days peacefully and not worry about how everyone she had loved hated her now, that would be wonderful. Now, she yearned for the executioner’s sword to end her misery. This wasn’t how her life was supposed to end and yet here she was, hated and disgraced.

“I know you won’t believe me, but I love you. I always have and I will until my last breath,” Katlyn said quietly, “your father and sister weren’t there for you after Timos’ death, but I hope that they’ll be there for you now.”

Gods how she hoped that would be true. At the same time, Katlyn knew her husband and youngest daughter well enough to know that they weren’t the best when it came to emotional support. She hoped they’d change their ways, but Katlyn knew that was wishful thinking.

"I don't want to be here anymore with you. I don't want to talk to you."

Nodding her head, Katlyn watched her daughter, figuring that this might be the last time she’d see her. She wanted to cry at how unfair this was, curse Trevas and Lady Carlys for making her get into this mess. But that would be no use, and Katlyn didn’t want to lose her pride.

“Of course. You can leave any time, Elaria. I’m the one not allowed to leave.”

Part of Katlyn wanted her to stay, but she wasn’t surprised when Elaria turned and left the room without saying anything else. Perhaps Katlyn should’ve chosen someone else from the King’s Guard to be her champion, someone who would surely lose. Gods, what had she done to deserve this. Tears welled up in her eyes and Katlyn wished that it would all just end.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Uncertainty
Chapter XLIV
House Hastwyck
Sow knowledge, reap wisdom
Santrella, Southern lands of Aedighar
​

Wheldrake had never been so dull and boring in Leanah’s eyes. Last time she had spent her days in the rather beautiful town, she had adored the original beauty and scenery. She had spent countless hours roaming the castle and the gardens either with Arthor or Timos. Leanah had fallen in love with Wheldrake, but just as soon as Timos had been ripped away from her, she failed to see its beauty once she had returned.

Hopefully the Gods would be kind and let the trials be over with quickly so Leanah could be on her way back to Santrella where she truly belonged.

Wheldrake would never be a place where she could live. It was her brother who was going to live there, but Leanah had always imagined traveling to see him often. Now she hoped this would be the last time she had to step into the castle.

If Leanah ever managed to look past what had happened there, perhaps then she could truly see the beauty of it again. That would likely never happen. Leanah had stayed in the bedchamber that was hers while they stayed in Wheldrake for a few days now. Every time she looked out of the windows all she could think about was how much she missed being home.

It also reminded her how much she missed Timos, but at least they would get justice for what had happened to him.

Or at least that was what Leanah had thought until Arthor had told her about the first trial. The Queen was the one who was being accused guilty of Timos’ murder. Leanah was confused because she knew that they had accused the King. Arthor had explained most of it to her, but it never truly made sense to her. She was thankful that Arthor tried though, but she was worried what her mother must have thought of the situation.

Leanah was clearly under the impression that her mother had wanted King Trevas gone, but it didn’t seem like that would be the outcome. She tried not to worry about it as she knew she couldn’t do anything to help anyone. There was really no reason for Leanah to be there with them, but she had wanted to be there for her mother.

Being alone in Santrella also didn’t sound like the best for her. Not after everything that had happened to her. That man was still on her mind, especially now that she was rather lonely in her bedchamber or walking through the hallways. That was also the reason she rarely left her room.

There were only two people she felt safe around, and they were rather busy, which Leanah understood.

Her mother would still check in on her just like Arthor did, but that was mostly in the evening when they weren’t too busy. Leanah was thankful that they took the time to do that.

The hardest part wasn’t being alone during the day, but more when she had to fall asleep in an unfamiliar bed all alone. Sometimes she wanted to slap herself for thinking that Arthor could have slept over. It had been an innocent thought at first, but their recent mistake didn’t stray far from her mind whenever she thought about him.

They were still friends, and that was what mattered to Leanah.

Leanah had waited for Arthor to come to see her once the sun had started to set. It was the second day of the trial, and she expected him to be there soon to tell her all about how it had gone.

Her body was itching to know what had happened, and if there were any new information to know. Was the Queen still the one being accused? Leanah wished she could have been there during the trials, but her mother didn’t allow her which she understood.

Deep down she was thankful for that because she didn’t know how she would have handled all the remarks and accusations when it was Timos’ death they were talking about.

The longer she waited, the more impatient she got. There wasn’t a knock at her door, and Leanah just sat there on her bed wondering where he was. What if something had happened to him? That caused her heart to sink to her stomach as she hurried towards the door.

Leanah knew better than to walk the hallways alone, but she found herself doing it anyway as she walked towards Arthor’s room. If he wasn’t there, then she would look for him through the whole castle, but she hoped he was there. He had to be. Leanah hoped nothing had happened to him, but she couldn’t help the irrational thoughts rushing through her mind as she reached the door of his room.

Before she could even knock, she opened the door and saw him by the table with what she assumed was a cup of wine. It felt like she could finally breathe once she saw him.

It didn’t look like he was hurt or injured. If anything it just looked like he was deep in his thoughts about something. Leanah had worried so much over nothing, and she felt foolish for it, but she was glad that he was okay, and that he was alive.

“Arthor. I thought something had happened to you,” Leanah sighed as she stepped into the room and closed the door behind her, “I thought you were going to come tell me about the trial. What happened?”

 

[desti]

As beautiful as Wheldrake was, Arthor didn’t like being here. Though he had many fond memories here, like spending days with Leanah and Elias, they were greatly overshadowed by the wedding of Timos and Elaria. That was all Arthor could really think about as he walked the halls of the castle, and obviously the trial only made everything worse.

The second they arrived in the city and met with the King, Arthor felt uneasy. Something didn’t feel right, and he didn’t like how welcoming Trevas had been. They were accusing him, and here he was playing the part of the host as well as ever. He was kind and welcoming, and Arthor figured that he must’ve lied through his teeth.

It all almost made sense when Queen Katlyn turned out to be the one standing trial. Only almost, as Arthor couldn’t quite wrap his head around it. It seemed so strange to him that he didn’t really think that much of it. He was too stupid to understand intrigues. All he knew was that Lady Carlys was terribly angry about the turn of events.

Rightfully so, since she believed wholeheartedly that it was Trevas behind all of this, not his wife. Arthor agreed with her, but at the same time there wasn’t anything they could do about it. They couldn’t just accuse the King again after his wife stood trial for murder and would likely be found guilty. That would easily be seen as treason and then their heads would end up on pikes. That’s not really what they needed now or ever.

The Queen had been awfully quiet for the first and second day of the trial. Arthor found her unwillingness to speak almost strange. If he was in her place, he would try to defend himself until his last breath. Queen Katlyn instead sat still, looking almost as though she found the trial to be awfully dull.

When the Queen finally spoke, Arthor almost hoped that she wouldn’t. The first words that left her lips made Arthor pale. “I demand a trial by combat.” The sentence sent shivers up his spine and he looked towards Lady Carlys, who froze at the words.

Arthor knew well enough what that meant. As a member of the Royal family, Katlyn would have to choose from one of the seven Kingsguard men. Lady Carlys could choose anyone, but Arthor figured that as her sworn shield it’d be his duty. Later, Lady Carlys confirmed his suspicions by naming him as her champion.

Fighting didn’t bother Arthor all that much, it was what he was best at. What did bother him was having to kill an innocent man. Thinking about it left a sour taste in his mouth and Arthor suddenly felt the need to retire to his room and drown himself in wine.

Sitting there with the wine in his cup, Arthor thought about the next day. He wasn’t afraid to die, not really. Arthor was a knight, he had to be ready to lose his life at any moment. That didn’t frighten him, but the thought of murder… Gods, that was unbearable. He had no problem killing men that deserved it, but this would just be Queen Katlyn’s champion. He had never hurt Timos, it wasn’t his fault and yet Arthor would have to do anything in his power to cut through him with his sword. It sickened him and he felt disgusted with himself.

The door suddenly opened and Arthor raised his head to see Leanah. Gods, he had forgotten about her. He had promised to go to her and tell her all about the trial when it was over, but the news about his upcoming fight made him forget. Leanah almost looked worried.

“Arthor. I thought something had happened to you. I thought you were going to come tell me about the trial. What happened?”

“I’m sorry Leanah, I forgot,” he mumbled apologetically as he looked down at his cup again, toying with it and swirling the wine in it around.

"Did something happen?" Leanah asked as she took a few steps towards him.

Arthor shrugged and chuckled a little, running his hand through his hair in an effort to clear his thoughts. He didn’t want her to worry, though he knew that she would. They were friends after all, and friends would worry about each other even if the other would tell them not to.

“The Queen has requested a trial by combat,” he simply said before taking a sip from his wine.

Though neither Arthor nor Lady Carlys believed that it was Katlyn behind this, they still wanted to win this trial overall. There was pressure on Arthor’s shoulders and he hated the feeling of it. He didn’t want to be the one that would decide how this would end. What if he’d lose? All of this would be for nothing then.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

“The Queen has requested a trial by combat.”

Never had Leanah expected such simple words to pain her so much. Arthor didn’t even have to explain it for her to understand what he meant. The worry she had felt earlier came rushing through her veins again as she felt her heart drop to her stomach. As she stood there, Leanah could think of so many ways all of this could go wrong.

Leanah could already see Arthor slipping through her fingers. The one friend she admired and priced so highly would be fighting for his life, fighting for this trial so they could win. Leanah feared she would have to see the person she loved so dearly be taken away from her. As if she hadn’t lost enough already.

It was almost comical how the Queen had requested a trial by combat to her. Of course they would have. Leanah imagined they didn’t want to lose the trial, and she knew her mother would have chosen Arthor to be her champion. He was talented and strong. Leanah didn’t want to lose him, but she knew she had to support him and be there for him. Especially now that he needed her.

“Hey, Arthor, look at me.”

Quickly Leanah rushed over to Arthor, taking the cup of wine away from him and putting it down on the table. The last thing he needed was wine. Leanah hated that he had that habit, and wished for him to stop, but Arthor was a grown man who could make his own decisions. That didn’t mean she wasn’t allowed to worry, because Leanah did worry a lot about Arthor. They had shared so much together that she never wanted him to feel bad or upset.

Leanah reached for his hand, lacing their fingers together before she gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

Arthor looked up at her then, and Leanah met his gaze with a sweet smile. It didn’t matter that she worried for his life at that moment. All that mattered was that Arthor needed to feel okay, and Leanah wanted to be the person to make him smile and laugh.

“What’s wrong? What are you worried about?”

"Leanah, I am your mother's champion in the trial by combat."

That was already something Leanah had managed to figure out by his first words. It didn’t surprise her which was why that had been her first thought. Leanah would have been surprised if it had been someone else fighting for her mother. It wouldn’t have made sense to put anyone else than Arthor as her champion.

“You are so talented Arthor. Are you worried about not winning?”

"No. I'm not afraid to die. I'm not exactly ecstatic about the thought of killing an innocent man, though."

His words made her worry. It was honorable that he wasn’t afraid to die, but that was the last thing Leanah needed. She didn’t want to be torn away from him and the friendship they shared with each other, and the smile Leanah had on her face faded as she thought about it again. Gods, it was difficult to stay positive when her head filled with such thoughts.

“I don’t want you to die Arthor,” Leanah mumbled, not knowing what to say to make him feel better, “I know it must be horrible having to kill an innocent man, but please I don’t want to lose you Arthor.”

"So me being a murderer is preferable to me being dead. Alright then."

It sounded like her words had upset him more than actually helped him, which made Leanah feel even worse about the whole situation. His words were harsh because all she had said was that she didn’t want to lose him. Leanah hadn’t thought much about the innocent man. She worried about Arthor but saying that had probably been the wrong thing to do as Arthor just seemed more saddened about the fact he had to kill an innocent man.

“I didn’t mean it like that Arthor. I’m sorry.”

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I'm just worried."

“I know,” Leanah said as she rested her other hand against his shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze, “it’s not fair. I understand that.”

"It really isn't fair at all,” Arthor chuckled, but Leanah understood that it probably wasn’t a genuine chuckle. It still looked like he wasn’t doing okay, but she would stay there with him for as long as he needed her to, even if she struggled with finding the right words.

It was tough not to let her own worry take over her mind and repeat something foolish about how she didn’t want to lose him. Leanah figured she was better off not expressing her worry now after Arthor’s reaction to it. He had called himself a murderer, and she knew it wasn’t right to call himself that. Arthor wasn’t a murderer, but she had no idea what it would feel like to kill an innocent man. Leanah was a Lady, she didn’t understand such things, but she tried to do it for him.

“Come here,” Leanah mumbled as she attempted to pull Arthor up from the chair. She wanted to hug him and hold him close until he would feel better.

 

[desti]

“Hey, Arthor, look at me.”

Gods, he didn’t deserve Leanah. Part of Arthor wished that she would just walk away and leave him to drown his sorrows in wine. That sounded like a horrible idea, really, and he’d wake up hungover which definitely wouldn’t be a good thing to do, but… right now, that almost seemed wonderful. Then Arthor wouldn’t have to worry about a thing and that sounded blissful.

Instead, Leanah went over and took his cup of wine. Almost like a child, Arthor watched the cup being taken away from him. Leanah just wanted to do what was best for him, but Arthor couldn’t really appreciate it when all he wanted to do was drink and think, and maybe forget.

Their hands touched then and Leanah laced their fingers together. He moved his gaze to meet Leanah’s and he saw her smile sweetly at him. Arthor would’ve returned the smile if the situation wasn’t so grim.

“What’s wrong? What are you worried about?”

Arthor was almost confused at that question. He had thought that what he had said was quite straight forward, and that Leanah would understand what he was upset about. "Leanah, I am your mother's champion in the trial by combat."

“You are so talented Arthor. Are you worried about not winning?”

As a knight, and more so as a sworn shield, it wouldn’t have been right for Arthor to fear death. No, he would greet it as a friend the day the Stranger would come for him. That wasn’t what worried him, though if he thought too much about it then he’d become upset about losing his life so soon. Still, that wasn’t the worst that could come out of this situation. If he had to lose his life for Lady Carlys’ honour, then so be it, but Arthor dreaded the thought of what would happen if he’d actually win.

"No. I'm not afraid to die. I'm not exactly ecstatic about the thought of killing an innocent man, though."

“I don’t want you to die Arthor. I know it must be horrible having to kill an innocent man, but please I don’t want to lose you Arthor.”

Leanah didn’t know and she could never even imagine what that would be like. Killing in general wasn’t as easy as people thought it was. The thoughts about that haunted Arthor day and night, and he knew that many men felt the same way. Killing was sinful and horrible, and it stayed with you until your last days.

It was easier to do it if the man deserved it. Arthor remembered how easy it had been to take down the man that had hurt Leanah so badly. The man had deserved it and more, but this would be different. This would just be a King’s Guard doing his duty of protecting the Queen. The man would just be doing his job, just like Arthor. He wouldn’t deserve to die just because he had a white cloak around his shoulders.

"So me being a murderer is preferable to me being dead. Alright then."

“I didn’t mean it like that Arthor. I’m sorry.”

Arthor shook his head at that, feeling ashamed of his words. Here Leanah tried to help him, tried to calm him down and he was making it harder than it ought to be. He didn’t want to make her feel bad in return, and that seemed to be all he was doing really.

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I'm just worried."

“I know,” Leanah said as she rested her other hand against his shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze, “it’s not fair. I understand that.”

Arthor chuckled sadly, “it really isn’t fair at all.”

“Come here,” Leanah mumbled and Arthor felt her hands trying to pull him up from his chair.

Part of him wanted to just sit there and not give in, but Arthor found himself getting up from his seat. He needed to feel that he wasn’t as bad of a man as he thought himself to be. Otherwise Arthor wasn’t sure if he’d be able to sleep at all during the night.

Arthor moved his arms around her waist as he hung his head and pressed his forehead against her shoulder. He felt like a boy as he stood there in Leanah’s arms, having her stroke his back and tell him how it’d all be alright. It was foolish, really, he was her protector and a knight, this should’ve made him feel ashamed and yet he enjoyed the calmness that radiated from Leanah and soothed him somewhat.

With a sigh, Arthor finally raised his head up away from her shoulder to look at Leanah. He wondered if she’d be alright if he would lose after all. Arthor remembered how much it had hurt her to lose Timos, he imagined that perhaps it would almost be like that. He didn’t want to hurt her like that, and he felt the need to win, but Gods did he feel guilty about it.

“I don’t want you to be there tomorrow. I imagine your mother wouldn’t want you to see either,” Arthor said quietly.

"Are you sure? I want to support you."

Seeing Leanah there might help or might just make things worse. Arthor didn’t want her to see such things, because either way he or his opponent would die that day. Leanah shouldn’t witness that. Especially if it would end up to be Arthor that would perish that day.

“Leanah, someone is going to die tomorrow. You don’t want to see that.”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

It felt somewhat nice as Leanah wrapped her arms around Arthor’s body. Her fingers traced along his back in an attempt to soothe him. His forehead pressed against her shoulder, and she leaned her head against his as she whispered to him that it would all be alright. As much as Leanah wanted Arthor to believe that, she struggled to believe it herself. If she would hear the news of Arthor’s death, Leanah imagined she would never feel okay again.

They were always there for each other. Whenever Arthor was upset, Leanah wouldn’t hesitate to wrap her arms around him, and if she was sad, she knew Arthor would have done the same for her. The friendship they shared was something she knew she would never find in anyone else. Leanah could have tried, but she wanted Arthor. Losing him would send her spiraling down into the same hole she had been in after Timos’ death.

The hug was also comforting to her, feeling Arthor’s weight on her, even if he was slightly heavy. Leanah didn’t want it to be the last embrace they shared. Her hands were clutching onto his clothes like she didn’t want him to pull away.

Still he did.

Arthor raised his head up so their gaze could meet, and Gods, Leanah didn’t want him to die. She didn’t want to figure out what her life would be like without him. He meant too much to her. Her gaze lingered on his face almost like she believed it would be the last time.

“I don’t want you to be there tomorrow. I imagine your mother wouldn’t want you to see either.”

"Are you sure? I want to support you."

Even if it was for the better that she wasn’t there, Leanah wanted to, it was more likely she would be sent to stay in her room, but she wished to stay with Arthor so she could support him and comfort him. Her mother wouldn’t approve of it, that she was sure of and she would likely be more hurt seeing Arthor die than hearing it. If he was to be ripped away from her, she wanted to be there for him so he wasn’t alone during his last moments.

“Leanah, someone is going to die tomorrow. You don’t want to see that.”

“If you die I don’t want you to be alone. I want to be there.”

"No. If I do die, I don't want you to be there and see it. Consider that my dying wish if you will."

Perhaps it was for the better if she didn’t see it. At least she would be able to remember Arthor for who he was and not his dead body like she did with Timos. Leanah nodded then, agreeing to what he had said. If he didn’t wish for her to be there, she would respect that, but she knew she would be miserable in her room wondering if he had managed to win or not.

“I will stay in my bedchamber if that is truly what you want, Arthor.”

"I'd prefer that and so would your mother. When it's all over, you'll find out what happened. Hopefully, from me, but..."

“Please. I will hear it from you Arthor.”

Arthor smiled at her then with a nod, but Leanah still found it hard to believe that he meant it. There was a chance he would die, and she knew that well. She returned the smile as she leaned forward to hug him again. In her mind she kept telling herself that tomorrow Arthor would be there, knocking at her door telling her all about how he had won and that everything was alright.

Leanah would pray to the Gods that they watched over him and were just. Even if it was an innocent man who had to die, that was what had to be done. The Crown were the ones who were guilty, not Arthor, and he didn’t deserve to die for them to get away with Timos’ murder.

“I’ll be waiting for you Arthor,” Leanah mumbled as she held onto him tightly.

"I'll try to come back to you."

It felt soothing as he stroked his hand over her hair, and she let out a quiet sigh while she tried to calm herself down. She had to be there for him. In the morning she would be worried sick about him, but she knew she had to be strong for Arthor now. It would be tough for him, and Leanah pulled slightly away from the hug, taking a step back to keep an appropriate distance between them.

“You know it will be alright no matter what happens. You’re not a murderer Arthor. You’re a good man, and I admire that.”

They stood there as silence fell over them, both still holding their arms around each other. Leanah didn’t want to let go of him, and if she was able to, she would have stood there all night just to feel him close to her, just to feel him alive. Arthor nuzzled his face into her hair, and Leanah clutched onto him a little tighter as he did that. Never would she think of him as a murderer. In her eyes, he would never be that.

It was just something he had to do no matter how unfair or horrible it was.

“Do you want me to leave?” Leanah mumbled. If he wanted her to stay, she would, but she would also understand if he wanted her to leave so he could get the privacy he needed to get ready for what was waiting for him in the morning.

 

[desti]

“If you die I don’t want you to be alone. I want to be there.”

While dying alone didn’t sound like a pleasant experience, Arthor preferred that over Leanah seeing his life fade away. It wouldn’t be pretty, it’d be bloody and gruesome and Leanah was too sweet to go through that again. She had already seen glimpses of her brother’s death, Arthor didn’t want her to see his as well. That would just be cruel.

"No. If I do die, I don't want you to be there and see it. Consider that my dying wish if you will."

“I will stay in my bedchamber if that is truly what you want, Arthor.”

"I'd prefer that and so would your mother. When it's all over, you'll find out what happened. Hopefully, from me, but..."

Arthor didn’t want to promise her anything. He truly didn’t know if he’d come back from the fight. The Kingsguard men were the best warriors of Aedighar, and while Arthor was talented with a sword he was a bit uncertain if he’d actually succeed. He figured that he’d have to think of something cunning if he wanted to win, something that would probably make him feel even more guilty later on.

“Please. I will hear it from you Arthor.”

Trying to calm her down, Arthor tried to smile at her and nodded at her words. It probably didn’t look too genuine, but Arthor didn’t really worry much about it when he saw Leanah smile back. Arthor wanted to see her face when he’d come back to her and tell her that it was alright, but he feared that that might not happen. Either way, he hoped that her mother would be there to help Leanah.

“I’ll be waiting for you Arthor.”

"I'll try to come back to you."

If Arthor wouldn’t, then he figured some things would change. Lady Carlys would first need to find a new sworn shield for herself. Arthor could possibly tell her some names that he thought were suitable the next morning, just in case. That sounded like a good idea, and he knew that Lady Carlys would take his suggestions seriously. It was almost strange how professional Arthor looked at the whole thing, but this was his job after all and that was the proper way to deal with it.

What did worry him was Leanah and Elias. Though Arthor wished that they wouldn’t take his death too hard, it seemed inevitable. They were his friends after all, and he imagined that they’d be quite distraught after they’d find out. He comforted himself with the thought that at least Leanah had her mother to calm her down, if need be. Elias on the other hand was many leagues away and Arthor didn’t even want to imagine what his reaction would be like when he’d receive that dark letter.

“You know it will be alright no matter what happens. You’re not a murderer Arthor. You’re a good man, and I admire that.”

The knowledge that Leanah didn’t see him as a bad man calmed Arthor down somewhat. He felt like he needed to hear that tonight, and he’d need to hear it again after what he might do tomorrow. Arthor leant down and nuzzled his face into her hair, closing his eyes as he squeezed his arms around her. He hoped that Leanah would never look at him differently, even when he’d have the blood of an innocent man on his hands.

“Do you want me to leave?”

“Stay,” he mumbled against her hair, “for a while more, please.”

"Okay, I'll stay."

Arthor nodded and pulled away from the hug. He looked down and took a few steps away from her, sitting back down on his chair. Arthor didn’t know what to say to Leanah and he didn’t know what exactly he wanted to hear from her. But he wanted to have her around, just spend some time with her so that he wouldn’t go to bed a drunken mess. Staring at the cup of wine, Arthor hated himself for thinking that maybe that’d be a good choice.

Leanah came to stand behind him, moving her hands into his hair and Arthor closed his eyes at the feeling. He heard her ask him if he was nervous and he shrugged his shoulders at that, “I’d be stupid if I wasn’t.”

"You'll be fine. I know you will."

A sombre feeling took over him suddenly and Arthor sighed, “in case I’m not, I’m sorry for everything I’ve done wrong and I hope you remember me fondly with the good memories we’ve shared together.”

Arthor didn’t want Leanah to remember him as the man that had hurt her so badly. He wanted her to think of the nice moments they’d had together, rather than the stupid mistakes he had made. Their friendship had been so beautiful, that’s how he wanted to be remembered by. It was a shame he wouldn’t get to say goodbye like this to Elias, in case he would perish.

"Arthor, I will never forget you or our memories. I hope I will get to create more beautiful memories with you."

Leanah’s hands moved away from his hair then and Arthor turned his head to look at her behind him with a small smile on his lips, “I hope so too, Leanah. You are a wonderful person and I am grateful that I had the pleasure of having you as a friend.”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

It felt good that Arthor wanted her to stay. Leanah wanted to stay too. It felt wrong to just walk away knowing that it could be their last moments together. She wanted to cherish that little time she had left with him if tomorrow would be the day he died. If that meant she would stay with him until late at night, Leanah didn’t care. She needed all the time she could get with Arthor.

They had been friends for a long time, but Leanah felt as if it was only recently that they had grown closer to each other. Why it felt that way she wasn’t sure of, and neither did she care as long as she had Arthor it didn’t matter. All she knew was that she would do anything for him.

Leanah knew it was foolish of her to let herself care so much about Arthor. It gave her such a weakness that she didn’t know how she would handle. Her heart ached just thinking about him dying. She was sure she would struggle to fall asleep later, not wanting the day to ever end so tomorrow would never come. Then Arthor wouldn’t have to fight, and she could stay in his room forever.

The thought of it made her smile as Arthor moved to sit down again. Leanah walked to stand behind him, resting her hand against him as one went to gently play with his hair. It felt soft through her fingers, and she kept fondling with his curls as she asked him if he was nervous.

“I’d be stupid if I wasn’t.”

It was easy for her to understand his reasons to be nervous. If she had been in his position, she knew that she would have been too. Leanah wished her mother had other guards who could have fought for her, and that Arthor wasn’t her sworn shield so he could have stayed out of it.

"You'll be fine. I know you will."

Arthor sighed, “in case I’m not, I’m sorry for everything I’ve done wrong and I hope you remember me fondly with the good memories we’ve shared together.”

"Arthor, I will never forget you or our memories. I hope I will get to create more beautiful memories with you."

“I hope so too, Leanah. You are a wonderful person and I am grateful that I had the pleasure of having you as a friend.”

Leanah wanted to cry. The urge to let everything out was growing inside her as she felt a lump in her throat. Her breath hitched for a second as she stood there watching Arthor with his sweet small smile tugging at his lips. Gods, what would she do without him. Her bottom lip trembled as she opened her mouth to say something, but she quickly shut it as she realized there was nothing for her to say.

It was silly. Arthor didn’t need her to be sad, and Leanah took a deep breath as she looked down at the floor beneath her. Later she could cry about it, but now she just wanted to make Arthor happy. That was her job as his friend, to make sure he felt comfortable and content.

“I will miss you,” Leanah whispered. They were speaking like he would die. Leanah didn’t like it. It hurt and she was struggling to keep a smile on her face as she dared to look back at him.

"It'll be alright, Leanah. Whatever happens tomorrow, it's alright."

Leanah didn’t agree this time. It wouldn’t alright now. That feeling she’d had once Timos had passed was creeping up on her again, and she knew she wouldn’t be alright. How was it even possible for her to feel this way about Arthor. He was her friend, and it felt like she would be losing a huge piece of herself if he was to die tomorrow.

It felt comforting when he took her hand to gently squeeze it, but Leanah pulled her hand away from him. He didn’t have to worry about her. Leanah didn’t want to make him more worried or upset.

“Yes, I know. I’m alright.”

Arthor nodded, "and you'll be alright. No matter what happens."

“I hope so.”

Leanah wanted to tell him how much she cared for him, how much he meant to her, and how much she truly loved him, but she didn’t. Those words couldn’t seem to get past the lump in her throat. With a sigh she walked over to the small window in his room, looking out at the view of the village below and where the sea met the shore. She didn’t know what else to tell Arthor.

Maybe she should have left by now, but she didn’t want to leave. Only if he told her to leave she would walk out that door.

"And also, if it happens... and if you ever see Elias again, tell him that I thought he was a wonderful friend and I was lucky to have him by my side."

One day Elias would hopefully come back home to Santrella after assisting the Northerners in the upcoming war. Leanah would be sure to tell him everything Arthor wished for her to tell him. It would be upsetting, but at least Elias would also get to know what a good friend he had been as well.

Leanah heard the cup of wine being lifted from the table, only to be sat down a few seconds later, but she wasn’t in control of Arthor’s life, and if he wanted to drink he could. She wouldn’t stop him now.

"Alright, I don't want to talk about this anymore. The topic is a bit too sad for my liking."

“Let us talk about something else then. Anything,” she sighed as she turned around so she could look at Arthor as she spoke.

 

[desti]

“I will miss you.”

Gods they were talking about him like it was certain that he’d die in a few hours. Arthor didn’t quite enjoy that, as it made him feel almost uncomfortable in a way, but at the same time it put everything in perspective for him. At least Arthor had the chance to know when he might die, others weren’t so lucky and were taken away unexpectedly. Arthor had the chance to say goodbye, which made him feel better about the whole thing.

"It'll be alright, Leanah. Whatever happens tomorrow, it's alright."

It was almost strange that this had turned to Arthor comforting Leanah. He didn’t really mind, though, he just wanted to make sure that she wouldn’t lose herself if he were to die. Arthor didn’t want her to mourn him for years and forget to live, that wasn’t at all what he needed to think about. He wanted Leanah to live and move on, in case the worst would happen.

Arthor reached out and took her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze, but Leanah pulled her hand away from him. If she didn’t want that, that was fine. Arthor pulled his hand back and set it down in his lap as he looked up at her.

“Yes, I know. I’m alright.”

Arthor nodded at that, "and you'll be alright. No matter what happens."

“I hope so.”

As Leanah said that, she walked towards the window in his room. Arthor watched her and sighed, thinking about everything they had shared, both good and bad. Gods, he would do anything for Leanah that was for sure. He loved her, and she was one of the most important people in his life.

Arthor wasn’t quite sure when their friendship began, but it must’ve been later on by Leanah’s own initiation. He would’ve never felt comfortable talking to her, considering his job in the Hastwyck household. It would’ve been terribly improper. Either way, Arthor didn’t care for how it started, all he knew was that he was glad that it did and that they were here.

Thinking about their friendship, made him think of another one. It saddened Arthor greatly that he might never see Elias again, but if that was their fate then so be it. He had been so worried about Elias being in the middle of the war, that Arthor didn’t even consider that it might be him that would die.

Arthor looked down and rubbed the back of his neck, trying to figure out how to phrase it. He remembered the awkward conversation Leanah and him had had about the man, and now he didn’t want her to think anything strange about it. “And also, if it happens... and if you ever see Elias again, tell him that I thought he was a wonderful friend and I was lucky to have him by my side."

Thinking about that made Arthor feel sad and uncomfortable, and he grabbed the cup of wine and drained it. He wanted to fill it up again, but he figured that Leanah might not like that. Nobody really seemed to like his drinking lately, but Arthor didn’t find it in him to stop.

Setting his cup down almost aggressively, Arthor continued, "alright, I don't want to talk about this anymore. The topic is a bit too sad for my liking."

“Let us talk about something else then. Anything.”

Arthor stood up and looked at Leanah who had turned to face him. He actually wasn’t sure what to talk about now, not really. There were so many things they could discuss, and at the same time none of them felt right. While he stood there and tried to figure out what to say, Leanah approached him and took his hand in hers again.

It didn’t feel wrong or weird when Leanah lead him to his bed and they both laid down. Maybe it should’ve, but to Arthor it just felt nice. His arms wrapped around her and he pulled her just a little closer against his chest. Even then it didn’t feel awkward, and Arthor felt happy about that.

“Thank you for always being there for me,” Arthor whispered.

"I care about you. Of course I will always be there for you."

Arthor smiled a little and nodded, kissing the top of her head gently, “thank you.”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Once again silence seemed to find them as they stood there just watching each other. There was nothing on her mind except what Arthor’s fate would be in the morning. Talking about something else would have brought her some comfort, but Leanah wasn’t sure what to talk about. It seemed like Arthor also struggled with finding the right words to say. All Leanah wanted to do then was lay down with him.

It was something that seemed to make them both feel better. With slow steps she walked up to Arthor, reaching for his hand. Leanah lead him over to the bed without saying a word. This was what she needed. Since she had no idea what would happen tomorrow, she wanted to feel his embrace as if it was the last time she would be able to. It was upsetting to think about it.

As soon as they laid on the bed, Arthor pulled her closer to his chest, and she put her hands over his. If it hadn’t been highly inappropriate, Leanah would have asked him to let her stay with him every night, but even Leanah found that to be wrong. They had almost got caught once, and she knew it could have looked wrong in the eyes of others who didn’t understand the friendship they shared.

In that moment it felt so right to lay there in his arms. It felt like she belonged there in some way. Leanah wondered if that was wrong of her to feel. Perhaps it was, but she didn’t want to think about what was right or wrong. All she wanted to do was appreciate his embrace for as long as she could.

“Thank you for always being there for me,” Arthor whispered.

"I care about you. Of course I will always be there for you."

A kiss was pressed to the top of her head, and she smiled as she heard Arthor thank her again. Leanah could never imagine herself not being there for Arthor. He mattered too much for her to be able to ignore him or look past his pain. If he needed her, she would be there without hesitation. That was what friends were supposed to do.

“Do you think Elias has reached the North yet?”

"If their journey went well, then he should already be there. With autumn, though, I imagine the travel wasn't very pleasant."

“Poor Elias,” Leanah chuckled.

"I hope he's alright."

Leanah knew what had happened between Arthor and Elias, so she knew they were close too. Perhaps talking about him wasn’t the best choice either since they had no idea how he was doing or if he was even alive. She doubted that anything had happened to him though. Elias was a wise man.

“I’m sure he’s alright.”

"When he gets back, you two can laugh about how much of an idiot I was."

Those words made Leanah turn around so she could look at Arthor. It sounded like he was speaking as if he would be dead tomorrow again. She wanted to hold him and let him know that nothing terrible would happen, but she knew saying those words could make it worse. They had no idea. It was just better to hold him and be quiet about it for as long as they could.

“Turn around,” she mumbled.

Arthor turned around then, and Leanah rested her hand over his waist as she pulled him closer to her. It felt sort of strange, and Leanah chuckled as she tried to scoot herself closer to him. Once his back tightly pressed against her chest, she let out a silent sigh. She nuzzled her face against his neck, letting her breath ghost over his skin as she tried to make herself comfortable.

“How long do you want me to stay?”

"Just stay as long as you can."

Leanah figured that meant she would be able to stay the night with Arthor. She didn’t want to leave, and she knew she could stay there for the night as long as she got out of his room early in the morning before anyone noticed. Gently she stroked her hand over his chest, trying her best to comfort him as they laid there.

“Try to relax, alright? I’ll take care of you.”

"Thank you."

For what felt like hours Leanah laid there just stroking her hand over Arthor’s chest while he stroked his hand along her arm. It felt nice. If anything it calmed her down making her realize how exhausted she truly felt. Leanah let out a deep breath as she clutched onto Arthor. As she closed her eyes, she had a gentle smile on her face as she listened to Arthor’s breaths while she nuzzled her face a little closer to his neck.

“Goodnight,” Leanah mumbled. Falling asleep next to Arthor was almost too easy. It was starting to feel like she was making a habit out of it, which was probably the reason why she always felt like she couldn’t sleep whenever she was alone. It was wrong.

 

[desti]

Truth and Lies.
Chapter XLV
House Wynver
Forwards From Beneath
Wheldrake, Crownlands of Aedighar
​

Again Ashara felt the anger and frustrations build up inside of her. While she had free roam of the castle and she could do whatever she pleased, it was easy to keep them away and not worry too much about things. Ashara would find ways to distract herself and then let out her frustrations with Rowan later that night. It was a pleasant existence, but now it had come to an end.

It was almost ridiculous just how out of the loop Ashara was. Ever since father had forbidden her to leave her chambers, Ashara had nothing to do but sit and brood. Now she felt about as useless as those princesses locked away in high towers, just like in the stories she’d listened to so keenly as a child. It was as though Ashara was suffering a punishment for a crime she hadn’t done, and that frustrated her to no end.

The only thing Ashara was certain of was that the Hastwycks had arrived back in Wheldrake. That was the one thing that she knew for sure, and Ashara figured that her imprisonment was because of them as well. Still, she couldn’t figure out why that was the case. Ashara had asked her handmaidens, asked Rowan even, but none of them had an answer.

While Rowan had said that everything was fine, Ashara had trouble believing that. If it was fine as he said, then why would father force her to stay in her room all day and every day? That made no sense to her and Ashara went through so many theories in her head during the hours as she sat in her chambers. After all there was not much else to do than think.

Perhaps Ashara was too dumb to figure this out on herself. Father did say that she didn’t understand politics, and it seemed that it was truly the case here. Ashara couldn’t figure out what the Hastwycks were doing here. After Timos’ death, Ashara thought that they’d never even want to set foot here, but apparently she had been wrong.

Maybe it had something to do with war. Ashara had heard whispers about that, and she wondered if it should frighten her. It didn’t. Maybe war would mean that father would marry her off sooner and she could leave Wheldrake with Rowan. That was a pleasant thought.

Neither the Hastwycks nor the war really bothered Ashara too much, though. All she was concerned about was why she wasn’t allowed to live like she used to. Was father angry with her? Rowan would know that, most likely, but he still kept repeating to her that everything was fine and there was nothing to worry about. It was easy for him to say, he wasn’t locked away for the whole day.

It almost made Ashara angry with Rowan, and she didn’t like that. The whole day Ashara tried to calm herself so that she wouldn’t be angry when Rowan came to see her that night. She didn’t want to upset him, even if he was unintentionally upsetting her. When he was with her, Rowan was always so sweet and kind that Ashara always felt guilty when less than nice thoughts came into her mind about him.

Watching the city was entertaining. At least Ashara tried to tell herself that, but it really wasn’t working anymore. Gods, it was painfully dull in her room without Rowan, and she wanted the sun to go down sooner so that he could come to her again. Ashara felt ashamed for how much she cared about Rowan, but now that didn’t matter anymore. After she got the confirmation from father that Rowan would be coming with her, Ashara let herself be truly happy around him without being anxious about the future.

When the knock sounded against her door, Ashara almost jumped up from her chair. It must’ve been the sudden motion that made her tummy cramp up, and Ashara winced for just a second before making her way across the room. It had to be Rowan, who else would come to her so late? Thankfully, when Ashara opened the door there were no surprises behind it. Just Rowan, looking as dashing as he always did to Ashara. She was so lucky to call him hers.

“Sir Rowan,” Ashara smiled as she took a step backwards so that he could enter her room.

Too often Ashara wondered what life would be like when they’d finally leave Wheldrake. What if she’d come to love her husband after all? Ashara doubted that could ever happen when Rowan was near, but it was still a possibility that almost frightened her. Rowan would already have to see her be a wife to a stranger, which Ashara imagined wouldn’t be too easy to do. She knew that she’d be overcome with jealousy if Rowan were to marry another woman, and Ashara wanted to think that Rowan would feel the same.

Ashara’s smile faded when she saw that something wasn’t quite right about Rowan. He looked anxious, worried about something. It made her feel a bit afraid, because what could upset Rowan?

"I have something I need to tell you, Princess Ashara,” she heard Rowan say as she closed the door.

When Ashara turned around, she saw Rowan had made his way across the room and had sat down on her bed. She frowned a little in confusion and worry as she closed the distance between them. Every step felt wrong and Ashara was afraid to hear what Rowan might have to say. Everything was going so well…

Slowly, Ashara sat down next to Rowan, resting her hand on his shoulder to comfort him, “what is it? What’s wrong?”