If 'womb' is pronounced 'woom' and 'tomb' is pronounced 'toom', shouldn't 'bomb' be pronounced 'boom'?
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We all know where the Big Apple is, but can anyone tell me where the. . .
Minneapolis?
I once asked my wife why she married me.
She said, "Its because you are funny."
I said, "I thought it was because I'm great in bed."
She said, "See? You're hilarious!"
What sounds like a sneeze and is made out of leather?
A shoe.
Before my last surgery, the anesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation
Swiss cheese has holes.
More cheese = more holes.
More holes = less cheese.
More cheese = less cheese.
Mind. Blown.
Want to hear my one liner about two tropical birds that got stuck together?
Nevermind. Its toucan fusing.
I'm writing a book about hurricanes and tornadoes, but right now, its only a draft.
I ate the new Pelican Burger at the local fast food place. It wasn't bad tasting, but the bill was enormous.
Science fact: Plants use photosynthesis when they want a light snack.
If you bump your head on a coffee maker, will it leave a brews?
My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.
You should always wear glasses to math class since they help with division.
This janitor I know asked me if I wanted to smoke some weed with him. I politely declined, since I just can't handle high maintenance people.
Does the name Quasimodo ring a bell?
I had a hunch that it would.
Anyone here able to tie a rope using telekinesis?
Thought knot.
If you count Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit", then yes, I've seen opera.
Medical update:
I accidentally drank a bottle of invisible ink. Now I'm in the hospital waiting room, waiting to be seen.
Was the inventor of denim clothing a jeanius?
Do you know which bank an orca uses?
Whales Fargo.
Toilet paper alternative.
Spray Pam between your cheeks and the poop won't stick.
Don't ask how I know this, just trust me.
What kind of dog does a mad scientist have?
A laboratory retriever! Ha!
Do you know what the janitor said when he jumped out of the closet?
Supplies!
What weighs more, a gallon of water, or a gallon of Butane?
The water, since Butane is lighter fluid.
In Hawaii, is it ok to give off a loud laugh,
Or just a low Ha? -
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