TommyGun15
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  • You know...  there are days when I stop and I ask myself "What am I doing with my life?"  In the past I could always brush the question off, saying that I'd figure it out when I was out of highschool.  Well, now I am, and I find myself asking that almost everyday.


    I remember when I was in middle school, and my early years of high school, and I'd say that I wanted to "make video games".  Of course, I'd never truly considered what that meant.  Then I started learning to write code, and work in some basic game design programs.  And I quickly discovered that I absolutely hated coding.


    These days... I don't know where my life is going.  I'm pursuing an English major, with a minor in Business.  At this point, I'm pretty much just shaping up to fall ass backwards into the abyss that will become my adult life.  I think about that, and while it does scare me, it also makes me wonder something.


    Isn't that kind of how we all get through life?
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    Reactions: Kerim
    Kerim
    Kerim
    You tell me, I've got no damn idea what I want to do in life (yeah, high school student), so I'm just trying to broaden my skills by doing little bit of each and what I find I love doing, I'll make into a college choice and perhaps even a living. Then again, I'm just a teen, so this outlook on life is probably hindered by my age.
    Hmm... recently I've started thinking about running a horror RP.  Something with themes akin to Bloodborne, with a sanity syst similar to the Call of Cthulhu tabletop RPG.  It wouldn't be a dice rp though, it would just have a basic sanity system.


    I wonder if anyone would be interested in that?
    TommyGun15
    TommyGun15
    ... all the typos.
    shadowstrikr25
    shadowstrikr25
    There are definitely people who would be interested in that. Because some people like to be scared.
    Do you ever stop and think about life?  About how beautifully pointless it all is?  It seems funny to me, how nothing matters beyond the meaning we choose to give it.  We get caught up in something that means so much to us, and yet to everyone else it seems so silly.  And at the same time, they're caught up in something we find equally silly.  Neither pursuit is any more or less meaningful than the other, and yet we hold feelings so strong about them that we're willing to let even mild things have a great affect on us.


    Maybe it's a good thing to put meaning into something inconsequential, something frivolous?  It might help us get through the daily grind, to cope with our boredom and loneliness.  Maybe it's a bad thing?  It might distract us, get us riled up over something stupid, and lead us to make poor choices in life.  I think both might be true to varying extents in different situations.


    Or maybe I'm just an 18 year old with no idea what he's talking about, typing away at his computer because it's easier than talking to real people?  Because he can't help but feel like everyone in his life is disappointed in him.  Because no matter how hard he tries to be a good person, he can't help but feel like an ass.


    Maybe pouring his demons out into this virtual space will make him feel better?  Maybe it won't?  Maybe it would've been better to have stayed silent?


    I certainly don't know.  I'm gonna go get a burrito.
    Lately I've found myself oddly fascinated by glass harp music.  It's got this strange ringing quality to it that I enjoy, like a string instrument that makes a sound like a bell.
    Sometimes, I just feel worthless.  Like I'm not good at anything, and the people I talk to aren't really my friends, but they're just too polite to tell me to go away.  I just...  don't know what to do sometimes.  About anything.  Does that make any sense?
    folclor
    folclor
    unfortunately, creative people tend to feel that way more often than not.  It makes sense to me as I struggle with those same issues.  But you aren't worthless, you have friends who enjoy talking to you, and if anyone's only talking to you out of politeness they better be customer service representatives or bureaucrats.
    TommyGun15
    TommyGun15
    Thanks.  : )
    And so I live in the darkness, reborn once more! How are't thou my friend?
    • Like
    Reactions: TommyGun15
    Jarkov Malachai
    Jarkov Malachai
    Honestly? I have no idea what you are talking about, remember we dont have cable so news is hard to come by at my house lest I actually go out and ask for it. 
    But what I can say about the state of the world is that.... its the state of the world. Both candidates are crap in my opinion and im voting for the third party simply because the Republicans and Democrats are just dumped this year. The riots? Heard a wee bit about that, the whole black power movement coming back and I just feel as if those idiots down south are retarded and looking for an excuse to fight. The mass shootings? Not much we can do about that except try and screen the guys who get access to those weapons, its not like the government is omnipotent, they cant prevent all that. 


    So again, the state of the world is just what it is. The state of the world


    The endless cycle of entropy striving against the established order. Eventually the US is going to fall, true I hope to god its not in my lifetime but it is an inevitability, these events are just another wave of the sea of chaos smashing against the cliff of society. Slowly wearing it away.
    TommyGun15
    TommyGun15
    Yeah...  welp, I must go grapple with the terrible beast that haunts the nightmares of every student.


    Calculus.
    Jarkov Malachai
    Jarkov Malachai
    *shudders* Go with strength my son.
    Are we still doing the one on one??
    TommyGun15
    TommyGun15
    Oh... Right, I'd kind of forgotten about that. I'll be honest, recently I've been trying to cut down on how much time I spend online, so if it's all the same, do you mind if we discontinue that RP?
    mewbot5408
    mewbot5408
    Hnn okay I guess.....
    Practicing my howlz
    HK Fifty
    HK Fifty
    I challenge you to out bellow a Boma of the Dxun Moon!
    TommyGun15
    TommyGun15
    I don't know that one...
    HK Fifty
    HK Fifty
    ..neither do I have a soundbyte of it. I kill the damn things before I can do that.
    Still mastering them Elemelons I see?
    HK Fifty
    HK Fifty
    Oh , it's the undead horse. Can fucking awesome count as an opinion?
    TommyGun15
    TommyGun15
    Magic steed isn't a spell... It's just what James has. The spell is called Summon Planar Ally. He summoned an extraplanar being, this one in the form of an undead celestial unicorn. The Celesital part means it has wings. And as for why we picked it, this was pretty much the only non-evil mount the spell could summon.
    HK Fifty
    HK Fifty
    I see. Still pretty fucking epic man.
    You englorious watermelony bastard.
    TommyGun15
    TommyGun15
    It has both of those, but sometimes it drips oil while parked, and the car constantly pulls to the right.
    Jarkov Malachai
    Jarkov Malachai
    Gotta get her dem refills eh?
    Still in that one rp you left. Galumora still kickin' ass.
    TommyGun15
    TommyGun15
    Cool. :) I'm sorry I ended up bailing on that. I went and got pissed at the GM. Oh hey, I picked up an Xbox One. When it finally comes out, maybe we could Co-Op Scalebound. Twice the dragons!
    I got the earworms. Abra-abra-cadabra, I want to reach out and grab ya. Abra-abra-cadabra, Abracadabra.
    Bonjour Master TommyGun, glad to see your still kicking and alive around.
    How goes the place of thy new residence?
    TommyGun15
    TommyGun15
    Because I'm 2 hours behind and I don't have much time to be online because I'm in college now. Turns out in this district I had enough credits to graduate.
    Jarkov Malachai
    Jarkov Malachai
    God damn man, whats your aim?
    TommyGun15
    TommyGun15
    Get an associates degree to let me bypass most of the more silly requirements, then go for something in the literary arts.
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