TommyGun15

You know...  there are days when I stop and I ask myself "What am I doing with my life?"  In the past I could always brush the question off, saying that I'd figure it out when I was out of highschool.  Well, now I am, and I find myself asking that almost everyday.


I remember when I was in middle school, and my early years of high school, and I'd say that I wanted to "make video games".  Of course, I'd never truly considered what that meant.  Then I started learning to write code, and work in some basic game design programs.  And I quickly discovered that I absolutely hated coding.


These days... I don't know where my life is going.  I'm pursuing an English major, with a minor in Business.  At this point, I'm pretty much just shaping up to fall ass backwards into the abyss that will become my adult life.  I think about that, and while it does scare me, it also makes me wonder something.


Isn't that kind of how we all get through life?

Hmm... recently I've started thinking about running a horror RP.  Something with themes akin to Bloodborne, with a sanity syst similar to the Call of Cthulhu tabletop RPG.  It wouldn't be a dice rp though, it would just have a basic sanity system.


I wonder if anyone would be interested in that?

Do you ever stop and think about life?  About how beautifully pointless it all is?  It seems funny to me, how nothing matters beyond the meaning we choose to give it.  We get caught up in something that means so much to us, and yet to everyone else it seems so silly.  And at the same time, they're caught up in something we find equally silly.  Neither pursuit is any more or less meaningful than the other, and yet we hold feelings so strong about them that we're willing to let even mild things have a great affect on us.


Maybe it's a good thing to put meaning into something inconsequential, something frivolous?  It might help us get through the daily grind, to cope with our boredom and loneliness.  Maybe it's a bad thing?  It might distract us, get us riled up over something stupid, and lead us to make poor choices in life.  I think both might be true to varying extents in different situations.


Or maybe I'm just an 18 year old with no idea what he's talking about, typing away at his computer because it's easier than talking to real people?  Because he can't help but feel like everyone in his life is disappointed in him.  Because no matter how hard he tries to be a good person, he can't help but feel like an ass.


Maybe pouring his demons out into this virtual space will make him feel better?  Maybe it won't?  Maybe it would've been better to have stayed silent?


I certainly don't know.  I'm gonna go get a burrito.

Lately I've found myself oddly fascinated by glass harp music.  It's got this strange ringing quality to it that I enjoy, like a string instrument that makes a sound like a bell.

Sometimes, I just feel worthless.  Like I'm not good at anything, and the people I talk to aren't really my friends, but they're just too polite to tell me to go away.  I just...  don't know what to do sometimes.  About anything.  Does that make any sense?

And so I live in the darkness, reborn once more! How are't thou my friend?

Yes!

Are we still doing the one on one??

d'aww~! Teh cutest wulf!!

Practicing my howlz

Still mastering them Elemelons I see?

Plokety

You englorious watermelony bastard.

Mastering the four Elemelons

Praising the Melons!!!

I got the earworms. Abra-abra-cadabra, I want to reach out and grab ya. Abra-abra-cadabra, Abracadabra.

Abra-abra-cadabra I want to reach out and grab ya Abra-abra-cadabra Abracadabra

Praising the Moon

Welcome back!

Hey wanna join this new Rp I made

Bonjour Master TommyGun, glad to see your still kicking and alive around.
How goes the place of thy new residence?

Looking for an RP