Fantasy Warhammer: The Dragonliche

[Chai_T3a]

Lorenz caught a glimpse of the bouncer, meeting his eyes for a moment. He didn't think much of it, considering the fact that it was the mans job to make sure nothing sketchy was to go down in the inn. Besides that little interaction, Lorenz would barely even give the bouncer a second glance, too focused on the chit chat with Khazu.

"Grudgeraker? Never heard of anything like it. Maybe you could gimme a demo when we leave the inn then." Lorenz said.

 

[Da Doofus]

“It’s a double-barreled marvel of Dawi ingenuity.” Khazu boasted. “Much better than those umgak lead spewers you lot call guns.”
His eyes drifted behind Lorenz, to where a rather attractive human woman was sitting by the inn’s fireplace. Probably a visiting trader’s wife or daughter.

“Speaking of Dawi and spewing . . .” He grinned and adjusted his ponytail. “I’ll be back.”
The Dwarf hopped down from his seat and proudly swaggered toward the young woman.

 

[Chai_T3a]

Lorenz looked over at the human women, instinctually whistling at her captivity. Khazu was screwed, a woman like her wasn't going to go for some drunken dwarve. He let out a snicker at the sight, calling over the bartender for two more of those drinks he'd just had. One for himself and one for Khazu when he inevitably gets violently rejected.

He watches the dwarf as he begins making his advances.

 

[Da Doofus]

Khazu’s approach was surprisingly subtle, a mere conversation following a compliment. However, after that second mug of Bugman’s Brew, Lorenz would already begin to feel its intoxicating affects in his face and fingers.
Reality blurred shortly after. A third mug was followed by a fourth . . . Or fifth.
It became a series of blurs after that.
*********************

He and Khazu drunkenly sang along to the inn’s bards at one point; albeit without knowing the lyrics, which there were none.
Khazu had a leg of mutton in one hand and the other around Lorenz’s shoulder as the two struggled to hold each other up.

“O’Angela-a-a-a! Golden haired, and all-too-fair” Khazu belted out in drunken slurs.
“This humble Dawi will slay some Grobi
If it’ll get me mitts
To grab your bountiful tits!”

Several jeers from the patrons came in response to the Dwarf’s performance.
***********************

“Ok, that’s enough there gentleman.” The man at the door was escorting Lorenz and Khazu out the door, and the young mage would taste vomit on his tongue.

“Get yer hands offa me, wazzok!” Khazu shoved himself away and nearly fell over himself. “You’ll get it in the dongliz ya will! Me and my new friend’ll show ya a trick or two.”
The Dwarf took a swing, and not only missed, but tumbled to the ground in his last moments of consciousness.

The bouncer’s annoyed sigh would be the last sound Lorenz would hear before blackness took hold.
***********************

When next the traveler would awake it would be to the sound of a snoring Dwarf and the feeling of knives behind his eyes and a crippling pounding in his skull.
The two were now in a prison cell built for Halflings, so it was a bit small for the man.

 

[Chai_T3a]

Waking up was definitely not a pretty thing today.

Lorenz definitely felt that way as he slowly regained consciousness. He'd never felt his head ache this much in his life. Just the very act of being alive was difficult. How much did he have to drink last night anyway?

He only remembered small blurs of yesterday night. The obnoxious singing, the never ending drinks. He was pretty sure he'd almost gotten into a fight on multiple occasions. Christ, how many people did he piss off in the span of a single night? One thing he knew for sure was that whoever that bouncer was, he probably didn't take much of a liking to him and Khazu. Then again, that wasn't such a big deal anyway. He was pretty sure he wouldn't be seeing that man too often anyway. For now, it'd probably be better if he forgot all about yesterday and just concentrate on getting over this hangover.

As soon as Lorenz gained the courage to, he slowly openned his eyes. The sharp pain of getting them open enough to make a grown man cry. It took his eyes much longer then it should have to grow accustomed to his environment. And when they finally did, the jail cell he found himself in didn't quell his bad mood one bit.

He groaned, putting his head back on the pavement for a second before finally sitting up. He wasn't sure if it'd even be possible for him to stand up in the space, considering it hadn't been designed for someone of his stature.
"Ehhh. I'm up now and sober now." He said, to no one in particular. "Fancy letting me outta here then?"

 

[Da Doofus]

Khazu’s snores drowned out his first statements.

Outside the cell, a Halfling constable was sleeping at his desk. The jail’s interior was dimly lit via candlelight, and the constable’s hairy feet were propped up atop the desktop.

 

[Chai_T3a]

Lorenz looked over at the snoring dwarf, wincing as he began to realize that the sound of his voice had been drowned out by his snoring. He was pretty sure he’d never heard anything as loud as that. He’d needed to wake the guy up soon.

But before that, he wanted to see if he could find something on the sleeping guard. Whatever this guy was doing seemed more then just a bit cliché, in fact it was so much so that Lorenz could have believed that the guys keys would be inside his pocket. He moved towards the cell bars to take a closer inspection, hoping to find just that.

 

[Da Doofus]

His assumptions were correct, as the ring of keys hung openly from a leather strap on his belt.
The constable himself was over ten feet away from the cell however.

 

[Chai_T3a]

Lorenz rolled his eyes. Of course this man was 10 feet away. If only he had along stick he could use to go and grab that shit from him. From how unbelievably cliché all the rest of this has been, he wouldn't be the least bit surprised if something like that actually happened. But alas, he wasn't going to find a long ass stick in his jail cell, and reasonably so. Maybe it was time to wake Khazu up. The guy seemed like he'd know a lot about getting out of situations like these.

Lorenz scooted over to the dwarf, shaking the man violently until there was a sign that he would awaken.
"Ey.....Khazu, buddy, get up."

 

[Da Doofus]

The Dwarf spasmed out of his drunken slumber and swung wildly at Lorenz.

“Urks! Kruting Urks!” He cried out, clearly having unpleasant dreams.
He quickly gathered his senses and rubbed his brows.
“Why do you wake a sleeping Dawi?” He asked Lorenz. “Boga, me head.”

 

[Chai_T3a]

"Ack." Lorenz yelped, as a few of the blows connected. From the way his arm could still feel the sting. He had to say, even a sleeping Khazu's blows could hurt quiet a bit.

"Quit it will ya, you're hurting my arm." He seethed, rubbing his forearm exaggeratingly. "I woke ya cause'a the fact that we're stuck in this rotting cell. Don't know about you but I'm not stayin here much longer." He added, looking at the guard. "Any ideas."

 

[Da Doofus]

Khazu looked at the constable, who was now stirring from his slumber after the Dwarf’s outburst.

“Oi!” The mountain-dweller hopped down and kicked one of the bars with his boot. “Grombolgi! When we gettin out of this hole?”

“Quiet!” The hairy Halfling scolded and readjusted his posture. “Mr. Birmland is the one deciding what’s to come of you two, so just sit pretty until then.”

“Wazzok.” Khazu spat on the recently cleaned floors and stomped back to his cot.

 

[Chai_T3a]

Lorenz watched the dwarf, an eyebrow cocked at the dwarfs effort. Just scream at the man to let him out, that was definitely going to work well huh. If this dwarf wasn't such a fun person to be around he would have began to question spending time with this guy.

"Nice try." Lorenz teased sitting down on his cot. "So what. We just gonna wait here till this Birmland guy shows up then?" Lorenz asked.

 

[Da Doofus]

“Seems like.” The Dwarf relaxed into his own spread. “Did I get that one lass’s legs uncrossed last night? I forget.”

 

[Chai_T3a]

Lorenz laughed a bit at that statement. They were stuck in a jail cell, and the first thing that this dwarf thinks about is if he'd fucked that girl from yesterday. That live in the moment spirit was the exact same thing he was seeking to enjoy.

"Ehhhh. Had to much to drink, not sure." Lorenz stated. "Check to see if ya still horny eh? Then you'll know."

 

[Da Doofus]

“Well that won’t solve a thing.” Khazu let out a wheezing laugh and clapped his hands.
“You never had Bugman’s before have you, manling?”

 

[Chai_T3a]

“Never” Lorenz answered nonchalantly. “That stuff’s stronger then your punches.”

 

[Da Doofus]

“Or your stomach’s as much of a whelp as your skin.” Khazu teased.

Uncomfortable silence followed after with the Dwarf waiting patiently for a shift in situation, and the Halfling constable puffing on a pipe.
Finally, the doors entering the jail swung open and a second constable entered with a parchment in hand.

 

[Chai_T3a]

The uncomfortable amount of waiting had almost caused Lorenz to fall back to sleep, considering being awake with a hangover as bad as this one was clearly not something he wanted to do. He'd gotten so close to slumber that Lorenz audibly cursed when the second constable showed up. This guy really had to interrupt his beauty sleep huh?

Lorenz sat back up on the bed, rubbing his eyes, while smacking his lips lazily in the process.
"Mmmmmm was all the ruckus about." He mumbled to no one in particular. "I was about to get some rest."

 

[Da Doofus]

“You can rest after your community service is up.” The second constable sneered and unrolled the parchment.
“Disturbing the peace, public nuisance, loitering . . .” His eyes narrowed on Khazu.
“Not to mention public urination and solicitation for sexual favors.”

Khazu grumbled and sat up.
“Never solicitation. I call it a service.”

 

[Chai_T3a]

Lorenz’s eyes cocked up as the second constable started reading out the charges. Sounds like a guarantee that whatever they got up to yesterday, they at least thoroughly embarassed themselves, or at least Khazu did. For all he knew. He was scot free at the moment.

A smile cracked up on Lorenz’s face, as he tried his best to hold back his laughter.

 

[Da Doofus]

“Sure sure.” The constable sneered. His voice was surprisingly high pitched for a fellow of his paunch stature. “Laugh it up. Yer gonna be shoveling cow plop for the next four months.”

 

[Chai_T3a]

That pretty quickly soured Lorenz mood. Four months!? There was no way he heard that right. Maybe he meant 4 days? That would make a lot more sense. How could they make them do 4 months of work just for having a little fun? Now that was completely and utterly fucked up.

"Four months?" Lorenz asked, and when the constables expression didn't change, Lorenz looked ready to go ballistic. "Nope. That ain't fucking happening. There's not a way in hell that you can get me to do that."

 

[Da Doofus]

“Oh is that right, fella?” The Halfling crossed his arms. “Well then enjoy your time here. Maybe we’ll tar and feather ye come next Aubentag.”

 

[Chai_T3a]

Lorenz felt his anger boiling. This was fucking ridiculous! He wasn't going to let this halfling drag him down like that. The audacity of the man to threaten something like that just for a few hours of fun. There was no way 4 months of service was the punishment for something so small. Let alone tarring and feathering.

"Aw screw off will ya." Lorenz scoffed, fashionably flipping the guy off. "What, you get off on scaring people or something? What kind of sad life are you living?"