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To Have Never Loved

@universal silence


Oliver Spadding stared blearily ahead through the dashboard, blinking the tiredness out of his eyes while also trying to shield them from the blinding light. He was still wearing the wrinkled suit from the other night, having gone out per usual to see if he couldn't find his way into a warmer bed for a night. He hadn't and instead of going home, he had drank to himself and the entertainment of a few others.


His mother had marched into the room that morning, the room that she repeatedly told him that she paid for (which wasn't a lie, given that Emily Spadding had rented out the apartment for her younger son), and demanded he get up and make use of himself. When he had vomited on her shoes in response, Emily had demanded a few other men enter and pack up all his things.


Oliver had never thought his mother would kick him out onto the street, but was satisfied that that was what was happening and hadn't really given it much thought. If he was to be kicked out onto the streets, he'd simply have to deal with it like he dealt with everything; drink and hope for the best.


It turned out, however, that Emily had other plans. Hauling him bodily out of the apartment and into the car, Emily had told Oliver that things were changing.


"You've had your time to party and play," Emily had said as she drove Oliver out, all his items packed into boxes and loaded into a moving truck that trailed behind. "You have to be responsible now."


"Have you met me?" Oliver asked, squinting at his mother out of pain. "I'm not responsible."


"Thank goodness this person is," Emily had muttered back.


"Who?" Oliver asked, his mind struggling to sort out what was happening through the haze. His head still felt as though it was encased in cotton and his mouth was dry.


"A lovely lady that actually has her life together," Emily responded.


Oliver frowned at her response and said nothing more as they drove along the street, finally pulling up to a quaint looking home on the edge of the city. It was not nearly as large as his own family's mansion but it was not small by anyone's standards.


"Why are we here?" Oliver asked cautiously, glancing at the truck following them, a few things clicking into place in his still hungover mind.


"This will be your new home," Emily said nonchalantly, driving up to the garage and stepping out. Oliver only stared at her. "You'll be living here with someone else."


Oliver finally managed to wrangle open the door and tumble out, staring at his mother blearily.


"Who else?"


"You fiance."


"What?!"
 
Nora sat in silence next to her mother, hurriedly scrolling through messages at her phone. A particularly large pothole jostled her, and she looked up from the small screen. She glanced at the surrounding scenery and frowned. "Mother," she began, leaning forward to better look outside, "this is not the way to my office. I have a meeting in twenty minutes." Nora sat back in her seat, opening a new message to her assistant. "I knew I shouldn't have accepted a ride from you," she muttered under her breath to her mother.


"Oh, we aren't going to your office." A wide smile spread across Alice's face. "And I've canceled your meeting- and cleared the rest of your day."


Nora slowly set her phone down in a stunned silence, turning to look at her mother. "You- you-" Nora began, struggling for words. "You did what?"


"I've cleared your schedule. You really should thank me: you've been far too busy lately." Alice crossed her legs and began to pick at her nails.


Finally finding her voice again, Nora snapped. "Mother! How could you? You've got no right! I have several books to approve, and we've got a launch coming up- I have to be in the office. Furthermore-"


Nora would have continued, but her mother cut her off. "Ellie, really, stop it. Besides, this will be good for you."


"Eleanor. Not Ellie." Nora crossed her arms and turned away from her mother, caught up in her mother's refusal to call her what she wanted. Eleanor had been her grandmother's name, her grandfather's idea. Alice had always hated it, and thought it was too old-fashioned. Even her nickname, Nora, which was used by her grandfather and her sister, was unacceptable to Alice. Nora ran over Alice's words again and straightened up. "Good for me?" she questioned, just as she noticed they were now driving through what seemed to be a neighborhood.


Alice giggled.


Nora turned to her mother. "What do you mean, good for me?"


"Now you're interested."


"Mother, tell me what's going on."


"Oh, fine," Alice said with a sigh, though her smile made it clear she was teasing her daughter. "The truth is... you're getting married!"


Silence. Nora could only stare at her mother for several moments. Finally she let out a weak laugh. "This is a joke, right? Ha. Funny." Glancing around with increasing alarm, Nora began to shake. "What, is this because I didn't show up at your party last week? I'm sorry. I said that. Now let's go back to town. Mother. Please." She began to scratch unconsciously at her wrist.


"No. It's because you've been so busy, you clearly haven't had time to find a husband. Trust me. It'll do you some good." Alice leaned over to push a few strands of hair out of Nora's face, but her daughter recoiled. "Come now. We're pulling up to the house. Pull yourself together."


Nora froze and looked out the window as the car pulled up to a house. She barely registered her mother getting out of the car and walking over to her side. Alice pulled the door open and grabbed her daughter's wrist, tugging her out of the car.
 
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Before Oliver could ask more question, like who the hell would ever agree to marry him in his current state, another car pulled up. He glanced towards it, wincing at the light reflecting off the windshield and glanced at his mother. "Who's that?"


"I'm sure you can guess," Emily said as someone stepped out, beaming. Oliver made a noise of surprise and blinked at the woman that unfurled herself and then dragged along her daughter.


Emily had always surrounded herself with driven and important people. She was determined to prove that women could do as well as men and because of this, wanted to be surrounded by women that felt the same and worked just as hard as she did. However, there was also the need to rub elbows with those that had connections and more often than not, Emily had to invite over people who didn't quite seem as hellbent on creating or maintaining a company. Oliver's father had called it "greasing the pig".


"You gotta get yourself a good pig to make good bacon," he would say, "but first you gotta grease it."


Oliver never quite understood what he meant, but it was a funny saying and Oliver went along with it.


"Alice," Emily said warmly, opening her arms for a hug. "It is so very nice to see you. I'm sure you've met my son before."


Oliver waved from behind Emily, smoothing out his wrinkled tie as best he could. He frowned at the other woman behind Alice.


He could vaguely recall her name to be the same as some first lady or another, a name that Oliver would have guessed belonged to someone wealthy.


"Should we go inside?" Emily asked Alice.
 
Alice had returned Emily's hug. She gave Oliver what she believed to be a warm smile, but came off as more calculative and power-hungry than anything. She turned back to her friend. "Of course. I'm sure you're both just as anxious to start as we are."


When her mother dropped her wrist, Nora briefly contemplated running. She quickly decided such a move would be pointless. She was still dressed in the heels and skirt she'd put on for work, and she had never been very good at running. Besides, her mother's driver was watching her from the car, and Nora didn't really have anywhere to go from there. She was miles away from her apartment, her car, her office... Devoid of options, Nora turned her attention to the man standing several feet away.


He certainly seemed familiar. With a start, Nora realized it was Oliver Spadding. Though she admittedly didn't know him, she certainly knew about him. It was hard not to, especially with a sister whose job focused on celebrity fashion and gossip. Nora tried decide whether or not he had agreed to this, or if he was just as clueless as herself. He was certainly not the type of person who struck her as someone who would be willing to get married. Or would make a good partner, for that matter.


Left without anything to distract her, Nora began scratching her wrist again. She followed her mother in silence, her face set in a neutral expression. She was determined to appear unfazed, and almost would have succeeded, were it not for her nervous habit.


As they entered the house, Nora glanced around, taking in every detail she could. Though her mother hadn't explicitly said so, she surmised that the house was supposed to belong to her and ... Oliver. She couldn't bring herself to call him anything else, anything more personal.
 
Oliver gave Alice a strained smile in return and sulked after the women. He was sure that the only reason Alice agreed to it was because Oliver was supposed to own a large company, or at least that was the expectation. While he did manage to get a business degree and law degree when he attempted to in his early-twenties, when his brother was still around and willing to encourage him alongside his father, Oliver had probably lost around eighty-percent of what he had learned in school to the drinks he enjoyed.


He glanced once more at the person who he was supposed to share the house with. He didn't quite remember who she was, but did know her sister, given that he had seen her at a few parties here and there. Chloe Goodman wrote gossip, if Oliver was remembering correctly. He still couldn't quite recall the other sister's name.


He was fairly sure that she knew his.


Jefferson's death had been a quite affair that Oliver was sure his parents paid to ensure. They didn't want anyone prying, anyone investigating. The strain had already become too much a day later, with his parents yelling at one another over why he had been out so late and his mother's comments on Oliver being who he was. It was the first time Oliver had seen his father get truly angry and break something and it was the first time Oliver really had a general sense of how disappointed Emily was in him.


People had always known him as "Jefferson's little brother" since then. It was when Oliver started making an unsavory name for himself that he became known as Oliver Spadding and not just the shadow that Jefferson cast.


The house they entered was decently lavish. There was furniture already in place: soft white couches framing glass coffee tables with a nice flower arrangement and a colorful rug; a kitchen with gleaming counters and what appeared to be new appliances; and Oliver could only assume the rest of the rooms were as fancifully decorated.


It made him feel as if it was all supposed to be an act. Which, considering that this was a marriage that was being arranged between parents, he supposed it was. If the marriage wasn't going to be real, then the image had to be as lavish and grand as possible, so people wouldn't look too closely.


"Well," Emily said, taking a seat on one of the plump chairs in what Oliver was assuming was the living room, given the wide-screen television mounted on a wall and the nearly floor-length windows that looked over a green lawn, "I suppose you two are looking for an explanation."


Oliver realized that his mother was referring to him and whoever his fiance was.


"I suppose this is when we get one," Oliver deadpanned back.
 
Alice plopped onto a couch next to Emily, quickly settling in. She looked over at her daughter and patted the seat next to her. Nora mutely shook her head and paced over to the windows, turning so she faced the furniture. Alice shrugged and looked over at Oliver, and then back at Nora. "As I'm sure you have both been told, or have worked out, the two of us, along with your fathers, have arranged a marriage between you."


Nora gave a weak hum of affirmation. At least now she knew for certain that he was just as much of an unwilling participant as she was. Her eyes flickered back and forth; one moment she was gazing at the house, and another she was observing Oliver when he wasn't looking at her. She continued to nervously scratch her wrist, and pushed the sleeve of her sweater up to expose a few more inches of skin.


Nora's thoughts were a jumbled mess. What was going on back at the office? Did her sister know? Why in the world would someone think an arranged marriage was something that was acceptable in the 21st century? Especially one in which neither party had any prior indication that such an event was taking place.


The main question on her mind, however, was, why him? Why me? And what did he think? Nora was bursting with questions, and was eager for some sort on an explanation.
 
Oliver arched an eyebrow and glanced at his mother. "Isn't that illegal?"


"If we forged your signatures on the certificate, it would be," Emily said calmly. "But we're not going to. Instead, you two will remain here to plan your wedding. Afterwards, you'll sign the certificate of your own will and then you'll be married."


"How do you plan to make us do that?" Oliver asked slowly.


"Well," Emily said, "we've already gotten a few of the steps down including invitations."


As if on cue, Emily produced a large manilla folder. She gave it to Oliver who opened it and pulled out several white invitations to a wedding between Mr. Oliver Spadding and Ms. Eleanor Goodman.


"At least you get to keep your last name," Oliver told Eleanor, finally speaking to her and passing her the folder with the various invitations.


"In there should be the names of all the relatives that we've deemed suitable to attend and a few blank ones for you to include for your friends," Emily continued. Oliver frowned.


"There is already a set date on there," Emily added. "It's about eighteen months down the road so it should be enough time for you two to get everything sorted. As for why you're getting married, well..."


Emily's eyes shifted to stare at Oliver who only stared blankly back.


"I've decided that you ought to start shaping up," Emily told him. "Your lifestyle isn't conducive to being a good businessman or future boss and your father and I--"


"Dad didn't have anything to do with this," Oliver interjected, his voice grating. "Dad never has anything to do with all the stupid shit you come up with that has to do with me. With Jefferson sometimes, sure, but never with me."


Emily pursed her lips and seemed to compose herself. For a second, Oliver thought she might yell.


"I have decided that you ought to get married," Emily said, her voice taunter than before. "I brought it up to Alice at a party a few weeks back between friends and she took note that Eleanor might be good for you."


Oliver glanced over at Eleanor, frowning. She seemed mild and meek at best, silent and resentful at worse.


He turned back to glare at Emily, who stared back at Oliver with a level expression. "You need someone to help pull you together," Emily said in a steely tone. "And Alice has told me that Eleanor would be best for the job."
 
Nora had been wordlessly flipping through the invitations, but now she broke her silence. "And what about me, Mother? What could possibly make you think this is the sort of thing that I would be willing to do? Or would need to do?" She carelessly tossed the invitations onto the coffee table, trying to ignore the ones that fell onto the ground. Instead, Nora crossed her arms and turned, glaring, towards her mother.


Alice let out a harsh laugh. "Please, Eleanor," she began. Any traces of sweetness she had tried to convey earlier were gone, and gave her daughter a challenging glare. "We both know you have no time for making a relationship happen or work. You've never shown any interest, and quite frankly, the rumors are starting to appear. Besides, such a high-profile marriage would be adventitious for both our families."


"I get it now. I'm a pawn, right?" Nora scoffed and backed up. She began to pace behind the couch. "Has it occurred to you that I have a perfectly valid reason to avoid a relationship? I have a company to run- a new company, one that needs me right now."


"You've been excusing yourself for years. News flash, sweetheart: you're always going to be busy. You aren't, however, always going to be young and pretty."


Nora blushed- the kind of blush that spreads across one's face and looks more angry that embarrassed. "Wonderful, Mother. It's always nice to be reminded of your archaic ideas of femininity. So, you think I should devote my time to babysitting Mr. Spadding instead of running a company?" As soon as she spoke the words, Nora realized they were probably more hurtful towards Oliver than she had intended. But she'd been fighting with her mother for years, and in these battles, collateral damage was simply part of how the world worked. Besides, if the Spaddings thought she was unkind, maybe they would agree to call the wedding off. Nora didn't care much about trying to be kind to Oliver- as far as she was concerned, the faster she got herself out of this mess, the better.


Alice, however, had to hide a grin. She knew Nora well enough that, once she started insulting people, she was only a few steps away from giving up. "Ellie, really. There's no reason to be so cruel." She turned to Oliver. "You must ignore my daughter. Her social skills are deplorable."
 
"I've heard worse," Oliver offered Alice and Emily bristled only slightly. Oliver glanced over at his mother, frowning sharply. Emily had not been the most accepting person when it came to Oliver's sexuality. It was the first "disappointment" for her. He couldn't be the glorious son that Jefferson was because Oliver liked more than just women. For Emily, that was something of an unforgivable offense.


It was also the first time Jefferson had really pushed against Emily. It was the first time Oliver really got to see his mother crack and change, under pressure from her husband and her elder son. They had both been half-livid when they heard her murmured comments. She was supposed to love him, they told her. She was supposed to accept him, to help him, through thick and thin. She had carried him for nine months, raised him for sixteen. Couldn't she find it in her to care for him?


In the end, she had changed. In the end, she came to see it as a part of him, a facet that was different than others but still just a facet.


Some days, Oliver wondered if she saw it as a facet to how disappointing he was.


"You'll be supplied with two cars as well," Emily said after clearing her throat, driving them back to the matter at hand. "One for the each of you. And I'm sure now would be a good time to move all your things in."


On cue, a few men entered, carrying with them the pathetic five boxes of Oliver's items that they had taken from his (former) apartment. He was sure most of them were clothes.


They placed the boxes on the ground and left as swiftly as they came, as if afraid to linger longer.


"There's no food here or clothes," Emily continued, "but there are toiletries and appliances and the bare minimum of furniture. You'll have to change things up how you want to."
 
Nora was about to protest when another group of men entered with several boxes of things she recognized. "Are those my books?" She turned to her mother. "You've already had my things packed- how?"


Alice shrugged as she stood up. "If you spent more time building a life than a company, you might have actually had something in your apartment besides rented furniture and stacks of paper."


Nora bit back her reply. There was plenty to say - in defense of her company, her lifestyle choices, her apartment contents. Instead, she weakly responded, "They're manuscripts, Mother."


"Sure, dear." Alice pulled out her phone to check messages, a sure sign that she was finished with the discussion.


Nora attempted one last appeal to her mother. "So that's it? You've sold your eldest daughter off into marriage, and now it's back to your world of parties and excitement? And I'm just supposed to accept that?"


Alice sighed. "Ellie, there's no need for dramatics. Trust me, this will be good for you." At that moment her phone rang, and Alice excused herself with a smile, stepping into another room to answer.


"You said that already," Nora muttered. Suddenly left without anyone familiar to focus her attention on, Nora began to panic again. She pushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear and dropped her hands down in front of her, tugging at the hem of her sweater. She began to glance around again, determined to look anywhere but at the man her mother had forced on her.
 
Oliver glanced at Alice as she left the room, frowning slightly. It seemed as if both mothers thought they were doing what was best, without any concern for what their children wanted.


"I have one last thing for you," Emily said suddenly, getting up herself. "Follow me."


Oliver glanced at Eleanor and followed Emily out, stuffing his hands into his pockets and doing his best to ignore the feeling that he was about to live a very lonely life and the sadness that came with it.


Emily had opened the trunk of the car and fished out a box. Oliver took it and glanced at the side, noting that it was a blender. He looked up at Emily, arching an eyebrow.


Oliver, against all expectations, did try to remain healthy. Before Jefferson died, he would get up early and make himself a smoothie to tie him over for his morning run and exercises before eating a full breakfast.


Lately, he was doing it whenever he remembered, which was bordering on once every week. It was one other thing that nagged at him, one other habit he had failed to keep up, one other thing to tack onto the list of failures that he had garnered over the years.


Emily was quite for once, looking almost contemplative.


"I know," she said slowly, "I know you think this isn't the best option. But I just thought that this would be an opportunity for you to turn over a new leaf. You were right earlier, about your father."


Oliver said nothing as Emily peered at him. Her eyes almost looked watery.


Almost.


Oliver had long concluded to himself that Emily never cried. (Even though he had seen her cry, had made her cry one too many times before. But that was before, before Jefferson died, before his father left, before it all came down around their ears. Now, she never cried.)


"He wouldn't hear it but since we're all adults and your father and I aren't married..."


She almost stumbled over the word "married", like it was reminding her of everything that had happened over the past four years. But, like all things, Emily breezed on by, her tone and tongue correcting themselves just as she started to fall apart.


"Take it," Emily said, abandoning the thought she began. "Take it and see if it'll help you start over."


"It won't," Oliver said harshly, glaring at her.


With that, he turned on his heel and walked back into the house, taking the blender to the kitchen and unboxing it. It wasn't state-of-the-art or even very fancy. It was a simple blender, one that he could have probably bought at a department store nearby.


He wondered why Emily hadn't gone somewhere fancy, gotten him "the best of the best", as he had seen her do with everything else they bought.


He plugged it in and glared at it, like it might answer a few questions for him.
 
Nora watched helplessly as Oliver followed Emily out of the room. She stood in silence for a few moments, trying to process the situation. She wasn't sure what to do- with any of it. How to approach her new housemate- she was unwilling to think of him as anything else. How to factor this into her busy life. How to get out of it. Her jumbled thoughts failed to provide any sort of a solution, though. She could hear her mother's conversation ending in the other room. Nora uncrossed her arms in an effort to seem non-confrontational and walked in. She stopped in the doorway and leaned against the frame.


"Thanks, Victoria. I'll get back to you once I know more. Goodbye, darling." Alice hung up and looked over at her daughter. "Yes?" She doubted Nora had come for a tearful goodbye or hug, as the family had never been very affectionate.


Nora sighed. "So now what? I just stay here with him, enjoying our shared life until we get married?"


"I suppose so. Honestly, Eleanor, I don't really care." Alice went back to scrolling though her messages.


"Tell the truth. Why did you really decide to play matchmaker and sell me off to the Spaddings? And don't give me that crap about wanting me to be in a happy relationship, but you're worried because I'm too busy. You've never shown any interest in my personal life."


Alice looked up and sighed, lowering her phone. "I basically told you the truth. The Spaddings are wealthy and well-connected, and your marriage to their son reflects well on us. Which we solely need, after your father got caught with his latest plaything. Besides, there are too many rumors floating around you."


Nora scoffed. "Rumors? Around me? I don't do anything interesting enough to warrant rumors."


"And that's the problem. You've only had a handful of boyfriends, and none of them lasted for very long. People are beginning to wonder if you're... gay." Alice glanced around as she said the last word, as if someone would hear her.


"Really, Mother? That's what you're worried about? It's 2016. Wake up. Homophobia isn't cool anymore - and besides, I think I read somewhere that the guy you just paired me up with is bi. Or pan. Or something." Nora kept quiet her own sexuality- she had actually gone on a few dates with women, but it wasn't something she wanted to inform her mother of. Ever. As far as Alice knew, every single one of the people she'd dated and then failed to introduce to the family was male. The only thing Alice was right about was that none of Nora's relationships had lasted very long- the longest had lasted just over two months, and Nora had wanted to break it off sooner.


Alice shrugged. "He's not my problem. You are. And I know all that is supposed to be acceptable now. We just have several investors who don't like it. It's up to us to keep everyone happy."


"Everyone but me."


"Exactly. Glad we're clear on that." Alice glanced at the time on her phone. "Well, I have important things to do." She began to head out of the house, but turned back to her daughter. "Try not to mess this up, please. I know you're not happy, but I really think it could be what you need. Just... don't be yourself."


"Gee, thanks, Mother." Nora pushed herself off the frame of the door and straightened up.


"You know what I mean. Be friendly. Who knows, maybe you'll end up liking him." With that, Alice left her daughter to herself.


Nora watched her mother's retreating back for a few seconds until the door closed behind her. Sounds coming from the kitchen brought her back to reality. Sighing, she turned around and slowly walked into the kitchen, where she found Oliver doing something with a blender. After watching him for a few seconds, Nora decided to make her presence known. Not trusting her voice, she coughed lightly, crossing her arms and leaning her hip against a counter.
 
Oliver glanced up at Eleanor, scowling. "What?" he said, not unkindly.


He moved to the refrigerator and opened it. True to Emily's word, there was no food and the fact that he hadn't had breakfast was catching up to him. His stomach rumbled and he winced slightly.


"We need to buy food," he told her, turning to look at Eleanor. "I don't supposed you know where the keys are." He straightened up and stared at her, still frowning slightly. He hadn't been in a relationship for over five years and had not had the inclination to get into another one for quite some time. Given that he had only pursued the physical side for so long, he wasn't sure what he had to do now in a relationship where emotions mattered more.


In truth, he did enjoy the emotional side. It made him feel comforted and given the lack of emotion that came from his mother, he was willing to get it from whoever.


He just wasn't sure this situation would givr him any emotional comfort. If anything, it seemed like he would be even more lonely, stuck with someone who had no interest in him in a situation neither one of them wanted.
 
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Nora took a deep breath. She was dying to ask Oliver what he thought about the situation. If he was as confused and uncertain about it as she was. If he had the same reservations. For a moment the word betrayed crossed her mind, but Nora shook it off. She had long since given up on any sort of understanding or care from her mother. Nora resolved to ask him his thoughts later. At the moment, though, food sounded like the perfect solution to her situation. Or, if not a solution, then a welcome distraction.


She gave a weak nod and pointed towards the living room. "I think I saw them on the table," Nora answered, walking over to retrieve them. She noted that each key ring seemed to have two keys: one for a car, and another one, presumably for the house.


As she walked back into the kitchen, something occurred to her. "You... don't happen to be able to cook by any chance, do you?" Nora asked, setting the keys down on the counter. She had never really bothered to learn, and it hadn't been a problem before. When she was younger her mother had always insisted on having a cook, and when she had moved out Nora survived off of pre-packaged food and take-out. There was just never time in Nora's life for things like cooking. That's what she had always told herself, at least. A small part of her wondered if she should learn now, but if she was just planning to end the relationship, there didn't seem to be a point. At the moment, however, she was desperate for something substantial.
 
Oliver opened his hand to take the keys.


"I'm half decent," Oliver said. Emily had always put emphasis on knowing how to take care of a household, especially since she had wanted to raise sons that would respect women and see them as equals.


It was perhaps one of the only things that Emily had done that Oliver saw as half decent. She had taught him how to cook, how to clean, how to look after things. "If women are to run companies and be successful in the working world, then men have to do their part in the home sphere."


At least in that aspect, he had succeed. At least in that aspect, he had done as well as Jefferson, if not better on occasion.


"Do you have money?" Oliver asked, given that he had lived off of Emily's bank account for quite some while. He had had, at one point, a job at his father's company, after he got out of college. However, he dropped it after Jefferson had passed and Emily had refused to give him one.
 
Nora nodded. "I can at least take care of that," she answered, handing him a set of keys. She had worked since she was 16, convincing her parents to let her get an internship at the company. It had been unpaid until she reached college, of course, but Nora was more concerned with how the experience would look on applications. The job had also helped when she started her own company, since she already had more experience than most people her age.


Admittedly, the family name helped with her professional reputation as well, a fact that Nora preferred to ignore.


Nora took a small step back. "So, are you going to drive? I'm... not the best." That was an understatement. Getting her license had been one of the few things her mother had insisted on, mostly because she thought having an ID was important. In the ten years since she'd gotten the licence, Nora had only driven a handful of times. Although she had her share of excuses, the truth was that driving made her too anxious.


In recent years, Nora usually caught a cab or traveled on public transportation. It appalled her mother, who was constantly bugging her to hire a driver, but Nora liked having the chance to observe people.
 
Oliver shrugged, opening his hand for the keys. While he knew that his father had nearly begged him to keep off the streets late at night and be more careful, Oliver had kept up his usual routine of driving out far too late to go to parties. As such, he was a fairly decent driver and didn't act too recklessly.


"I can drive if you aren't comfortable with it," he said in answer. Oliver was more thankful that at least one of them had a job that could support them both.


"Did you have anything you needed to go to today?" he added. Given that he had been rudely awakened and dragged out of bed, he could only imagine that Eleanor had gone through something as unpleasant.
 
Nora dropped a set of keys into Oliver's outstretched hand.


"I don't know," she said with a sigh. Nora ran a hand through her hair and closed her eyes for a moment. Normally she would have come up with a list of things in advance, and planned out exactly how much she'd need. Today, however, was anything but normal. All she wanted was to sit and think. But that wasn't an option.


Nora opened her eyes and looked at Oliver. "Honestly, the only thing that comes to mind is tea. I mean, I know food is important and all, but I can't think of a single thing." She paused for a moment and glanced up, trying to think of anything. "Nope. I'll have to find something at the store."
 
Oliver nodded stiffly, still uncertain of how he should be acting at the given time. It seemed that they would have to figure out a way around each other, as it didn't seem that Eleanor was keen on getting to know one another.


"Well," he said awkwardly, shuffling towards the garage, "I guess we should be on our way then."


He was completely unsure of what she liked to eat or what she even did most days and it felt like there was some strange gap between them already.


"What do you usually eat?" he asked as he found one car; a sleek black one that probably cost a pretty penny for Emily to buy.
 
"I suppose it depends," Nora answered as she followed Oliver out to the car. "I try to get takeout when I can, but usually I end up with fruit and cereal. Or frozen dinners." She smiled weakly at him as she opened the passenger side door. "I guess that sounds pretty pathetic."


Nora slid into the passenger's seat with a sigh. This had to be the most awkward situation she had been in in a long time. A huge part of her blamed her mother. She'd dropped Nora off and left, like it was one of those play dates she'd forced on Nora when she was younger. The resemblance was uncanny: forced socialization with someone she barely knew and probably didn't have anything in common with, all so her mother could make friends with another high society woman. Although now she was almost twenty years older, and she was expected to marry the guy.


Another part of her, however, told Nora it was her fault. She was being cold and distant, just like always. That part, at least, was something she couldn't blame on her mother. Nora bit back a laugh. Don't be yourself. That's what her mother had said. For once, Nora had to admit she was right.


It didn't help that Nora was still angry at her mother. She was probably just taking it out on Oliver, and the poor guy was in the same situation as her. Nora took a deep breath, determined to at least appear amiable, if not friendly.
 
"I meant any preference when it came to flavors," Oliver clarified, shoving the keys into the ignition and starting the car. "I enjoy strong tastes like spices," he continued, pulling out of the driveway, "and wanted to make sure that I could buy things according to what you liked as well." As he drove, he realized he was completely unsure where they were to go.


"Do you have any idea where the local supermarket is?" he asked, glancing at Eleanor. "I think my phone was in one of the boxes and I don't think I've updated the GPS app in... a long time."


He bit his lip as he drove the car to the entrance of the community. Oliver probably wasn't giving Eleanor a good impression of him and he doubted the rumors about him helped much. Oliver himself never paid to much attention to gossip and was completely unaware of what Eleanor did and how she appeared to people. Oliver had known for a while that he was plastered onto magazine covers on occasion, with some blaring yellow headline about being a drunkard and sleeping around with this famous person or that famous person. He did have standards, contrary to what the writers would have the general populace think.


He didn't sleep with anyone while drunk or who was drunk; he didn't go after people in a relationship; he was always careful, he was (in his own opinion) fairly polite and respectable...


Of course, those were not things Oliver thought would be useful to bring up at the moment.
 
"Oh. Right," Nora stuttered, blushing. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and began searching for a store as she talked. "I don't really have any preferences. I mean, I'm open to pretty much anything. With food." Nora grimaced at her awkward stuttering.


A noise from her phone, indicating a supermarket had been found, provided a helpful distraction. "It looks like there's something about a mile ahead, just on the right." Nora turned toward Oliver as she gave her response, taking the opportunity to really look at him for the first time since they'd been forced together that morning.


Nora had always prided herself on being the type of person who didn't judge others until she got the chance to know them, but at the moment, she found it hard to ignore the rumors she'd heard about him. None of them were very positive. But that was beside the point. Nora had decided to be friendly, and so she was going to try. She pushed them from her mind and focused on what she did know about him.


He didn't seem to have the best relationship with his mother. That much, at least, Nora could understand. His mother thought he needed someone to help him get his life on track. Whether or not that was true, Nora would wait and see. She knew he was good at cooking. Or at least decent. And he liked spices. It was a pretty pitiful list of information, considering her was supposed to be her... fiance. Nora still didn't like the word, but it was bothering her less.
 
Oliver hummed his response to her note about the supermarket and drove down the road. He noted that the neighborhood seemed to be the home of the very wealthy, with elaborate homes with neatly trimmed lawns and no sign of children, or what he would assume were signs of children. He had driven by neighborhoods that had toys scattered on the front lawn and laughter coming from somewhere. Their neighborhood, on the other hand, seemed dead silent, with only the breeze to stir movement and the rumble of their own car's engine to tell them anything was happening.


Oliver had, at one point, contemplated having children. He had always figured he would be fairly decent at it; his own sub-par childhood had given him an idea of what he would have wanted instead of an absentee mother and a father that tried, with only his older brother to really look for in times of trouble.


It was strange that Jefferson had become Oliver's most dependable friend and in a way, guardian. They were only three years apart, yet it felt like Jefferson was always so much older and grander.


Perhaps Emily had just marketed him that way.


It was also strange that at some point, Emily stopped being Oliver's mother and just became... Emily. The CEO who ran some high and mighty banking company and who only ever frowned at him over sharp eyes.


"So," Oliver tried, scrambling for conversation, "do you ah, do anything on the weekends?"
 
"Not really. I mean, I typically spend my weekends reading manuscripts and planning out my week." Honestly, Nora's weekends were barely distinguishable from her weekdays. She still spent the day in her office, but with significantly less people. "Every once in a while my mother will successfully pressure me into going to a dinner or something. Or I'll get drinks with a friend." She refrained from mentioning that by "friend", she meant coworker.


" What about you?" Nora asked in return before glancing out the window.


The surroundings felt foreign to her. Even when she and Chloe were growing up, her mother had insisted on living in a penthouse in the city. She had a faint memory of an old farmhouse, its faded blue paint chipped and stained. She thought it belonged to her maternal grandparents, but she couldn't remember ever visiting them. Her mother insisted they had gone down, once, when Chloe was a year old and Nora was four. Nora figured it was just as likely the memory came from a show or movie she'd seen. Either way, it was the only house she had a memory of. For as long as she could remember, whenever she dreamed of the house she would one day own and raise a family in, that's what it looked like. Something full of life. Of warmth. Of something Nora was missing but couldn't quite name.


Of course, Nora hadn't dreamed of that life in years. Sometime in college she realized it wasn't for her. It wasn't that she didn't want it. She craved the chance to have a family of her own. It was more that she knew no one would want to put up with what her mother called her "particular brand of crazy". Instead, Nora had dedicated herself to her work, and for her, that was enough. It had to be enough.
 

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