SIMJ22'S FABULOUS RANDOMISED FIRE EMBLEM RUN

[simj26]

SO, if you're a Fire Emblem fan, and you still don't know about the randomised hacks, you're not a real fan. You probably started the series through Awakening, scrub.


But worry not! I, simj22, will elucidate! Feast your eyes upon this following playthrough, where I, simj22, will randomise the classes of every character and...drag my feet through the ensuing bullshit storm.


Without further ado, let us begin with the game!

WHOO, FIRE EMBLEM BLAZING SWORD


BUT NOW, WITH A TWIST


You'll see in a moment

Why yes, of course, game.

....nah

Muuuuuuch better


CHAPTER 1: WHERE THE RNG IS IN A LOVE-HATE RELATIONSHIP WITH SIMj420

And we kick off with a cutscene right off the bat. Nothing important here. Moving on.

I can tell when you're being sarcastic, Eliwood.

o rly, a bow u say

that dont look like no bow to me u lying wench

AND I APPEAR, IN A CLOUD OF SMOKE. WEED SMOKE.

OF COURSE I AM, WOODY. NO ONE WHO SMOKES THIS MUCH WEED IS A FOOL


So we start off the game proper, and let's take a look at everyone's stats

sigh

Shamwood is looking okay, at least.

The other two aren't so bad.


<p><a href="<fileStore.core_Attachment>/monthly_2015_05/fe7_1432937836219.png.551f38c9b85658801156b1c249ee8f1f.png" class="ipsAttachLink ipsAttachLink_image"><img data-fileid="54419" src="<fileStore.core_Attachment>/monthly_2015_05/fe7_1432937836219.png.551f38c9b85658801156b1c249ee8f1f.png" class="ipsImage ipsImage_thumbnailed" alt=""></a></p>


<p><a href="<fileStore.core_Attachment>/monthly_2015_05/fe7_1432937840815.png.494e170c9c063382223106ae28cddb5f.png" class="ipsAttachLink ipsAttachLink_image"><img data-fileid="54418" src="<fileStore.core_Attachment>/monthly_2015_05/fe7_1432937840815.png.494e170c9c063382223106ae28cddb5f.png" class="ipsImage ipsImage_thumbnailed" alt=""></a></p>

sigh. It always sucks for you, doesn't it, Lowen.


The bandit is swiftly dispatched of with the help of Snipermarcus and Eliwood's dark magic, with Eliwood landing the killing blow. It's a boring little show, so let's move on.


HERE COME THE MANLY MEN

Lots of spunk for a girly-looking guy on a pegasus. At least his stats are workable. Not stellar, but workable.

Lots of spunk for a cute girl with red pigtails. Pretty standard for a healer. That's quite a hefty amount of Mag, though.

sigh

Eliwood removes the dodgy bandit from the scene by praising the RNG, and receives a level for his services

SPEED, SHAMWOOD. SPEED.


Bartre levels up by getting in a lucky shot with his lance. But will the RNG be nice to me for a change?

No she won't.

Eliwood misses at 91%. I didn't cap the "MISS" because I'm slow, like every single one of these losers.

Lowen also misses, and gets two axes to his face for his trouble, but that's not surprising, mainly because I've given up hope on Lowen doing anything.

Eliwood misses again. I love the RNG.

Bartre misses too. I'm feeling like something's not right with those numbers on my side.


Dorcas heals one of the missing people (HEH GET IT) and levels up

He levels up horribly. Of course he does. No one ever makes it easy for me.

Bartre pulls up and spears the face in of an archer who thought he'd be smart and walk into range of Bartre the Brave's pegasus.

As for the dodgy bandit, Lowen does something useful for once and manages to somehow scratch off that 2 health from the asshole.


With all his lackeys out of the way, we come to the boss. The first thing we should do is check his weapons.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


no ranged weapons = ez game ez life

Shamwood gets taunted while he flings dark magic at the poor bastard, just out of his reach.

I guess that's okay. He got Speed.

After everyone does a good job of doing nothing, Eliwood puts that ugly mother down with more dark magic.


And now, before we end this chapter, let's go....

SHOPPING! YAAAAAAY

always happy to blaze it, shamiwood.


And that's it for Chapter 1/11 of this fabulous blazeit play through.


Reset count: 0


Let's hope it stays that way.


ON THE NEXT EPISODE,


HECTOR THE BLUE ENTERS THE FRAY WITH HIS CLOTH CLOAK OF STEEL. Get HYPED.


Feel free to yell at me or scold me for being an idiot whenever you want, you unhappy readers.

 

[simj26]

FLOCK TOGETHER


WELCOME TO ANOTHER EPISODE OF SIMJ420 FUCKS IT UP WITH THE RNGODDESS. PRAISE BE TO NAGA.


Today, we're going to have FUN with chapter 12/chapter 2 of Shamiwood's Saga.


Chapter 12/2: The One Where Simj22 Sighs A Lot

Let's begin with some self-gratification. Everyone talks to simj420 like he's super good. Of course he is, i mean, did you see those guys' SHIT TIER GROWTHS?

Dorcas forgets he's not holding an axe.

Right off the bat, Shamiwood drops darkbombs on this poser bandit here. Only one, though. He still doesn't have the Speed to double shit.

Looking good, Bartre. Showed that RNG who's boss.

Meanwhile, SniperMarcus does what a regular Marcus does, and marches up to the village up there and claims a book, which I'll probably hoard and never use.

Bartre tanks a shot from a mercenary, and returns fire with some surprising firepower. Praise be to weapon triangles.

Shamiwood ganks the poor bastard and drops a magic circle on him.

GODDAMMIT, SHAMIWOOD. SPEED. I NEED YOU TO DOUBLE.

WHOOO, Hector appears and says what I have in mind for the RNG.

Oh Oswin, you hold a place in my heart reserved for snarky servants, alongside Batman's Alfred.


So, let us view Oswin and Hector's stats

Eh.

Well, hello, there, sexy. Drop a steel lance on him, and he'll mow them all down. Too bad the first few levels are TEEMING with axe users.

Oswin ninjas out of the screen with his brown pegasus and smacks the face of an archer in,

and Hector tops it with a flambe'd archer,

followed by Oswin teaching a plebian not to mess with his MEGApony Princess status.

MAGIC BROS AHOY

Hector levels up, gains a Mag, but oddly doesn't have his Def go up. He usually does. Ah well. The RNG will be kind next round.

SUPER MAGIC BROS

THATS THE WAY, SHAMIWOOD. THAT'S WHAT I WANNA SEE.

Bartre levels up somehow, by slamming his lance into a Mercenary's face.


He's doing well, gameplay-wise, but his stats are...abysmal. I don't want to bench my pegaponyprincess.

I had to admit. I spat my coffee out at this one. Lowen got a kill! Praise be to Naga! LOWEN MIGHT ACTUALLY BE--

I spoke too soon.

*sigh*

Well, thanks to the speed level up for Shamiwood, the boss can't touch the dark magic practitioner of a lordling.

He sends his regards to the wrong person, unfortunately, and

Bartre makes quick work of that in order to avoid future complications.


Meanwhile, Hector has finally rejoined the team, having forged his way southwards to Shamiwood. Hector the Blue confronts the boss and

deals a bit of damage to him.

Did I say a bit of damage? Sorry, I mean, he went and critted the fool.

YEAH, CUZ HECTOR THE BLUE, SHAMIWOOD THE BABY-BLUE, AND SIMJ420 THE GREEN ARE HERE TO BLAZE IT.

I'm happy about the speed, but his Mag and Def leave me wanting.

*sigh* It's serra. Why did it have to be Serra.

Something tells me she isn't any more, and I won't be happy about it.

I think I should go back to my tent and smoke more weed.

Knew you'd understand.

You goddamn pleb. How do you not know of Simj420 the Great?

Why thank yo--

shut the fuck up, eliwood.

You bet you do. you fucking shitlords cant do shit yourselves with your crap growths.

*sigh* Hello, Matthew. I'm almost afraid to see your stats.

*sigh* Fuck off, Serra.


And that's the end of Chapter 12/2. TLR, everyone has bad growths and I had a bad time.


Reset Count: 0


I don't know how long this can last.


IN THE NEXT EPISODE OF SIMJ420NO KIMYOU BOUKEN


THINGS GET TURNED TOPSY TURVY:


Prepare for Chapter 13: Serra's WHAT?!

Spoiler

 

[Father Gigantor]

>Not Hector Mode


Wasting programs I send you as usual I see.

 

[Killigrew]

Serra with speed 11?? Wot madness iz this

 

[Father Gigantor]

'Fite me u bitch' - Serra, probably.<p><a href="<fileStore.core_Attachment>/monthly_2015_06/upload_2015-6-2_9-17-23.png.97b27c0e00b3843767ebe3efbe3546de.png" class="ipsAttachLink ipsAttachLink_image"><img data-fileid="54788" src="<fileStore.core_Attachment>/monthly_2015_06/upload_2015-6-2_9-17-23.png.97b27c0e00b3843767ebe3efbe3546de.png" class="ipsImage ipsImage_thumbnailed" alt=""></a></p>

 

[Killigrew]

[QUOTE="Father Gigantor]

'Fite me u bitch' - Serra, probably.

[/QUOTE]

 

[Father Gigantor]

I love you so much Killi.


EDIT: Also, holy fucking shit, the armpit hair. I'm not sure whether I should be disturbed or impressed.

 

[Killigrew]

[QUOTE="Father Gigantor]armpit hair.

[/QUOTE]
Senpai noticed >v>


I realized after I posted that I shoulda put lotsa blood on the arrow but eh whateva

 

[Father Gigantor]

Can we make this a series ples, Sim and I have all sorts of this zany stuff

 

[Killigrew]

A series? Zany stuff?


I do not speak the language you are speaking.

 

[Father Gigantor]

Basically moar drawings pls. Writing is hard at 2am.

 

[Killigrew]

Go2bed


Yah mebe will do if the mood strikes meh. Thx for encouragement tho

 

[Father Gigantor]

Knowing sim, another part won't come out for another fifty years, so we have all the time in the world.

 

[Killigrew]

Q__Q but i want more now!


Cmon $im..!

 

[Father Gigantor]

I can send you the program if you feel like giving this madness a whirl. I'm like, on my third run on this already.

 

[Killigrew]

Yes pls i want it very much

 

[Father Gigantor]

PMs if you wanna, it's pretty compricaterd


EDIT: Or skup

 

[Killigrew]

Since it's 2am for you, maybe we could do this during your tomorrow instead x)

 

[Father Gigantor]

Nah, I'm up rushing schoolwork anyway. It takes considerably less effort to ctrl-c ctrl-v a file and to type out brief instructions.

 

[simj26]

I'll do it during my lunch break. It'll be a long while though, seeing as I'll have to upload about 50 images in one go, post em up and write my snarky comments as well.

 

[simj26]

WELCOME TO SIMJ22'S THIRD CHAPTER IN HIS RANDOMIZED RUN

yeah, sorry about that, I didn't post for a long while because I kept forgetting. Exams and post-exams tend to take a chunk outta ya.


But nevermind that, you wanna see Simj420 fucking it up!


So here we go, to the third chapter of my playthrough!


CHAPTER 3/13: NSFW: LITTLE GIRL FUCKS GROWN MEN WITH HER LANCE


Alt Title: GEH HEH HEH HEEEHHHHHHHH The Chapter

Yup, here we are, Chapter 13.

Hector also forgets he's no longer holding an axe. Must be age.

I feel like I'll be seeing this a lot.

Oh look, it's the guy that his parents named Guy. Wonder what class he is. He was a pretty good Myrm in the vanilla playthrough, so he should be--

OH MY GOOOOD, ANOTHER SOLDIER?!

THIS IS YOUR FAULT LOWEN

FUCKING

SHIT

COCK

FUCK


So I'm sure you've seen Serra's stats as a Cavalier in the previous post, so right off the bat, I'm just going to

load her full of dildos lances from the shit-tier lowen, and send her right to the frontlines


To recruit

this stupid fucker, I have to drag him to Matthew and talk to him with Matthew


Due to enemy priorities, if I get a unit across the two snags up in the northwest of the map, the SoldierGuy will come running to stab anyone over there.

So I take Marcus, Eliwood, Oswin, Matt and Rebecca over to the northwest, while sending bartre to save that village visible.

Dammit, axe magnetism.

The archer misses this, by the way. I'm not sure if the RNGoddess loves me or hates me.

Hector wastes a fool, and gains enough to level up

Unfortunately, it's a shit level where his mag, def and speed don't go up.

Serra beats the shit out of a loser.

GOOD FUCKING LORD HE MISSED

AND AGAIN!

Bartre steals the kill, because I THINK babying him should be okay

I don't know if I call this good or bad.

I pop the dragonshield on Serra to help her along her way to becoming best Pally

Oswin gives no shit

Meanwhile, in the village, this poser appears, and gives us a

while the village in the middle of the map has this kooky lady:

Serra looks entertained.

She also gives no fucks.

Shamwood fucks this boy up. I love the fluttering cape. It makes eliwood look better than he should be.

SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK

Well, this is WHY I want Hector to gain Def. He needs to TANK. Tanky mages are the best.

DAMMIT RNG WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME. Unsurprisingly, the bandit HITS

Sometimes, I don't know any more.

Serra uselessly crits and wastes this fool.

While Hector does in this one and gets a level. I NEEED SPEED AND MAG, HECTOR. RNG PLS

Speed and Def are nice, but I NEED MAG, Hector. MAG. Maybe I'm asking too much of him.

Hector doesn't take too kindly to getting speared in the face, and he would have wasted that other soldier, if HE HAD GOTTEN ONE MORE SPEED.

MAGIC BROS HO

Fuck you Shamiwood.


PREPARE YOUR BRITCHES FOR THE MOST NSFW COLLECTION OF IMAGES INTRODUCED IN THE TITLE

WAIT WAIT NO FUCK SERRA WRONG GUY WRONG GUY


Thankfully, due to Guy's extra health as compared to his enemies, Serra doesn't murder him outright.

Meanwhile, this happens


and

this happens too. Not too bad, considering. She could work at being a dodge-tank.

Guy's a wise guy alright, backs off from the Serra to heal up, but he's backing towards Shamiwood.

Shamiwood removes from play two enemy soldiers, one with a crit, and one with a regular attack.

I wish I could be happy. At least he's pumping up Def.

Whoa, 1 less mag than Dorcas? Amazing, Rebecca!

With smartness and guile, I finally get Guy to join forces with us! Yay! Now to bench him because he is a SHIT UNIT

We also learn our boss this time has no ranged weaponry, so

Yup, time to lay the magic bombs on him.

I knew it.

I wanted to level Serra, but it seems impossible for now.


So instead,

YES MAG AND SPD


YOU ARE THE CHOSEN ONE, HECTOR

At least that's the last I'll hear of that.

Well, now he can double, I guess?

And if he can't, well, shopping fixes everything, doesn't it?


And that's the end of the chapter!

We're left with a cryptic message by the dying marquess, who promptly dies after delivering his most important line.

Because you touch yourself at night, Eliwood.

WHYEVER THE FUCK NOT, EH?!


TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR SIMJ420 BLAZES THE NEXT LEVEL APART probably


Reset Counts: 0


WOW, i wasn't expecting THAT.

 

[Father Gigantor]

Serra:

 

[simj26]

[media]



[/media]
here's something to explain the delay (not really)