Poetry Sea of Lies.

[Organized_Chaos11]

I try to write poetry.
All that comes out.
Of my dirty mouth.
Is pain.
The rain.
Coming from my eyes.
Every single night.
I want to fall in love.
And rise high above.
In peace.
I've fallen.
In love?
I don't think so.
I'm falling.
Drowning.
Somehow always going down.
Why can't I go up... I just don't know.
Maybe it's because...
Of all the weight I'm carrying.
The pressure.
Stress.
Pain.
Rain.
Attempts.
Sometimes I wish,
People thought I was sane.
We both know that can't happen.
Because they would be thinking lies.
I can think lies.
I don't say them.
I think about conversations.
I never have them.
I think about sharing.
I never do.
because I think promises.
and never make them.
Never keep them.

I made a promise.
To myself.
To keep my mouth shut.
To subdue the comments,
I want to say.
Sometimes...
I break the promise.
And get in trouble.
With myself.
I'm scolded.
I scold.
I'm reprimanded.
I reprimand.
I hear 'Don't do it again!'
I say 'Don't do it again!'
I don't listen to myself.
I do it again.
I hurt.
Both ways.
I hurt people.
I hurt inside.

And I keep on hurting.
Keep on raining.
Keep on promising.
Keep on sailing.
Through this sea.
Of lies.

 

[Organized_Chaos11]

They call 'Man overboard!' when people fall in.
Into that sea of lies.
They don't call.
Don't shout.
Don't panic and flail about.
Because they don't care.
If I fall overboard.
I'm not noticed.
If I do good things.
I'm noticed.
If I do bad things.
I want people to notice me.
But don't want to get hurt.
I'm in a conundrum of sorts.

I know.
That fiction,
isn't real.
I wish it was.
I wish I could go into the books.
I wish I could be a character.
Who always predicted what would happen in the end.
In this life,
I don't know what will happen.
It surprises me.
It jump-scares me.
For the pleasure
Of seeing me shriek.
I don't want to shriek.
Or show weakness.
I want to be strong.
But as I know,
No one can be strong all the time.
Although it feels,
looks,
hears like...
they are.
It seems like people are always strong.
Never backing down.
Never crying.
Never sobbing.
Never, ever
evermore.
Forever.
Evermore.

 

[Organized_Chaos11]

Drowning.
Falling.
Going.
Try to breathe in and out,
but water invades.
You know,
I'm not dead.
I didn't drown.
I'm in the process.
The more painful part.
Drown-ing.

I know you can imagine me underwater,
typing on a computer.
It's emotional.
If I keep on going like this...
I'll die.
Inside...
and I can't.
I have too many people
who depend on me.
It isn't fair.
They get to be happy.
They get to smile.

HOW COME
I
DON'T?

It's just...
not fair.
They get to breathe.
But I have to drown.

 

[Organized_Chaos113]

Somehow, my previous account had complications, so I made a new one and it's working like it's supposed to. I'll keep writing poetry, just a different account.