Other Rules of the Zombie Apocalypse

Kojuen · Jul 22, 2016

<div style="text-align:left;"> Now I love a good zombie flick, and the occasional Walking Dead video game. But to be honest, you can never be too careful. Here's my list on how to survive the zombie apocalypse cleverly, and correctly. (Inspired by the movie Zombieland) This is not an official list, I'm not a professional, but hey! Let's have some fun here.</div>

 Rule 1: Don't Panic The worst thing you could do in this situation is to panic. That just makes it worse. Rule 1.5: Cardio The faster you run, the further you can be from a zombie. Basically saying, avoid that extra burrito before you start your apocalypse. Rule 2: The Double Tap Never assume a zombie is dead after it falls on the ground. Some may not be actually dead, are playing possum. Always make with a clean shot to the head to finish them off. Rule 3: Beware of Bathrooms Zombies can and will mostly likely be sneaky. Always be cautious when entering the 'facilities'. Kick open stalls and kill anything that moves. Especially ones that have blood on their faces, and flesh between their teeth. Rule 4: Wear Your Seatbelt There will already be enough to worry about. Make sure you're buckled in secure, just in case. Rule 5: No Attachments Don't get too attached to your travel buddies or items. You may lose them, or have to shoot them. Rule 6: Anything Can Be A Weapon Seriously. You can use anything around for your defense. Sure, it may not be efficient, but it'll be a decent distraction. Rule 7: Travel Light Only carry the necessities. You need to travel light to move light. You never know when you'll have to make a sudden change in location. Rule 8: With Your Bare Hands Always carry a melee weapon. You never know, it could spread through skin contact; but to be honest, do you really wanna touch these undead fucks with your bare skin? Rule 9: Don't Swing Low Despite how some females feel about men, all brains are located in the head. That's where you wanna aim. Crotch shots only work on people who can actually feel down there. Rule 10: Use Your Feet Running, jumping, kicking away zombies. Your feet are one of your greatest assets you should take advantage of. Rule 11: Bounty Paper Towels When it comes to undead, you can never be too clean. Make sure to stock up. Rule 12: Shake It Off Whether it be bad thoughts, shock, or a zombie, you gotta shake it off. Rule 13: A.C.C.U. (Always Carry A Change of Underwear) It's for when an 'Oh Shit' moment takes on a new meaning. Rule 14: Oppurtunity Knocks And whenever it does, make sure you answer. Rule 15: (Don't) Be a Hero Unless it's a matter of life and death, there's no need to show off. Rule 16: Limber Up Nothing will slow you down like a pulled muscle. Rule 17: It's a Marathon, Not a Sprint Unless it's time to sprint...then sprint. Rule 18: Avoid Strip Clubs If there's one thing I hate more than zombies, it's zombie strippers. Rule 19: When in Doubt, Know Your Way Out Always have an escape route, you never know when you might have to run. Rule 20: Zipploc Those little bags are for more than sandwiches. They help keep moisture out, so it's always good to have them handy. Rule: 21: Use Your Thumbs We have them for a reason. Rule 22: A Little Sunscreen Never Hurt Anybody Do you really wanna have to worry about sunburn, too? Rule 23: Incoming! Always be on your toes. You never know what could come out of nowhere. Rule 29: The Buddy System The more, the merrier. Never go it alone. Rule 30: Check the Backseat As stated before, zombies can be sneaky. Rule 31: Enjoy the Little Things It'll keep your sanity. Rule 32: Low Lights Low detecton means less zombies trying to eat you. So keep lighting to a minimum. Rule 33: Bug Repellent Bugs are almost the same as zombies. Only they're just really small, and more annoying. Rule 34: Silent But Deadly You don't want to alerting all the zombies in the area, do you? Carry a silent ranged weapon in case you don't want to be eaten alive as soon as you go outside. Why do you think Daryl in the Walking Dead is still alive? Rule 35: Our Arrows Will Block Out The Sun Crossbows and Bows can be very efficient weapons. They're silent, and their ammo can be retreived after use. Rule 36: Chainsaws Are For Trees No matter how efficient they are in video games and in the movies, chainsaws are more of a burden than an actual weapon. First, they're heavy, obviously, so you'll probably have a good nom in your side before you can swing, second, they could stop, or get caught in your opponent's side in your supposed 'killing spree', third they're loud as hell, so good luck fighting hoards and hoards of zombies with that weapon, and four, they need gasoline as fuel. But you need that for your car, so, you're screwed in means of power. Rule 37: Badassery Is Not Always a Good Thing. Look, you can't pull a Rick Grimes, and take out hoards of zombies with a pistol. Life just doesn't work that way. Especially if you're still following the 'Double Tap' rule, and you're out of ammo, or the 'Silent but Deadly' way of surviving. Rule 38: Never Scare A Survivor It's already enough survivors are always on their toes. Don't go and scare them, that just makes it worse. Especially if they have a gun. Rule 39: Playing With Fire Careful with campfires, or cooking. Bright lights and smoke can attract unwanted raiders and/or zombies. And now, food tips from @Eldecrok ! Thanks for this, it's really useful. -All {} are my inputs. Rule 1: Chefs Are Survivalist Learn to Cook. If you can't do this, you deserve to die. At least be able cook some meat or beans. {It's a basic human function. You should at least know how to make eggs} Rule 2: I neEED MY COFEEEE If you haven't started coffee, during the wasteland journey's it will become a necessary boon. Being able to shave off an hour of sleep for alert moments can mean life or death. {sORRY, I'm TOO HYPED uP oNN COFFFEEE} Rule 3: Don't Get Spoiled Perishables first, if you even have them. This should seem like common sense, but whatever is first in line to rot or spoil is what's eaten first. Maximize what you can eat, but be careful for spoiled foods. {Cause who wants to eat a spoiled orange? No one.} Rule 4: Cans = Life Cans are life savers. Enough said. (If you haven't had canned food, the next one is for you) {Agreed} Rule 5: Gordon Ramsey Won't Survive The Apocalypse Don't be picky if you know it's safe! If someone else has eaten it and lived then you should be fine. {Eating EVERYTHING} Rule 6: MmmM FRUIT Fruit in your region is a boon... Assuming it isn't tainted. Upupupupupupupupu. {Ahuhuhu~} Rule 7: Don't Bathe In The Drinking Water Find a fresh water source, and keep it fresh. Meaning no bathing in it! ;-; {Yeah, it's nasty.} That's all for now. Credits: @Eldecrok 

<div style="text-align:left;"> If I come up with anymore tips, or horrible choices made in zombie movies, I'll add on to the list. Until then, Ciao! ~ Kojuen, A Paranoid Interweb Traveler (skullKing)</div>

Imnothere · Jul 22, 2016

I love the Zombieland refrences. But could we ever be fully prepared for a zombie infection? They could be slow rotting Walkers or we could have Resident Evil zombies. Im all for the slow zombies I feel we've been exposed to them more then others. World War Z or anything like I Am Legend might be too intense for us to ever be prepared for.

Considering the fact that our survival doesnt rely on life or death like it would in a zombie apocalypse anything faster or stronger then us would surely make mince out of a huge number of the population. Let hope we get the Walking Dead Zombies or similar.

adrian_ · Jul 22, 2016

The CDC is prepared, why can't we be?

Imnothere · Jul 22, 2016

CDC has all sorts if access the normal civilian doesn't. To be fair some people could be prepared but how far will it take them? We can only prepare for something so much before lack of experience causes difficulties.

Kojuen · Jul 22, 2016

Eh, you never know. But low key, I do agree with you on that, @SunshineZombies7 . A full on zombie apocalypse? Yeah, in that scenario, the sh*t's gonna hit the fan. Guaranteed. Especially if it spreads like in the Walking Dead.

Martyin · Jul 22, 2016

Fun list xD

I am such a survival nut... just up and almost took your list 100% seriously. I've thought a lot about how to survive in a zombie apocalypse, and not just in terms of the rules that movies and shows give us. Which stores to loot, where the most popular places bandits may or may not be, how to find a proper place that no zombie can reach and no human would care for looting (a tree house!!), how to avoid disease in a filthy, filthy disease-ridden world.

But the rules change constantly depending on the type of zombie we're saddled with... If it's walking dead-esque, the real challenge is revolved mostly around surviving other people. If you're quick, if you're quiet, and if you're smart and patient, it can be easy to manage them as a threat assuming you aren't in the city. Zombies in the walking dead universe are not really that sneaky, they're noisy when aggro'd, predictable, slow, vulnerable... Honestly, I think a tiny part of me would like this kind of world, as it'd appeal to every instinct of efficiency I have.

But then... if we get "running" zombies, oh lord. That is a nightmare.

WanderingJester · Jul 22, 2016

Voted machete, though my personal favorite's a crowbar. Love the ones that are tools and weapons, but as they say, you don't need to reload a knife.

Tbh though I'll probably die within the first wave of outbreak, if not in a month or two. Having a chronic illness that requires you to take a pill each morning is hard to live with in the world where most pharmacists are dead or trying to eat the ones that are not.

RiverRein · Jul 22, 2016

I have one : if you insist on having a zombie as a pet, please make sure it's chained up properly and all its shot are up to date. If you do get bitten, you don't want to turn into a zombie with rabies do you? Owning a zombie has responsibilities to it and is a lot of hard work . Please do your homework first before capturing your self a zombie. Thank you .

Tombstone · Jul 22, 2016

Championship shooter, so revolver was my first choice. I'd use a pair of colts with either a Winchester lever action or a good double barrel shotgun. And don't give me all that "Its no good once you have to reload it bullshit." I can bash someones brains in with one of those just as well as anyone could with a baseball bat or crowbar.

Kojuen · Jul 24, 2016

Poll updated. Check it again if you want to change your answer!

~(skullKing)

Rawrasaur · Jul 24, 2016

Improv weapons are always nice. Especially chemical warfare, like improv stun guns or improv flamethrowers. People leave batteries and spray cans everywhere, so it's kinda easy to stock up on.

Also. I'd recommend you do an entire section on food. Unless you expect to be able to go to the store, ain't happening.

Edit: I'm actually going to get tips for that, lemme go do some research.

Rawrasaur · Jul 24, 2016

How to dine sophisticatedly when the world decays:

1. Learn to Cook. If you can't do this, you deserve to die. At least be able cook some meat or beans.

2. If you haven't started coffee, during the wasteland journey's it will become a necessary boon. Being able to shave off an hour of sleep for alert moments can mean life or death.

3. Perishables first, if you even have them. This should seem like common sense, but whatever is first in line to rot or spoil is what's eaten first. Maximize what you can eat, but be careful for spoiled foods.

4. Cans are life savers. Enough said. (If you haven't had canned food, the next one is for you)

5. Don't be picky if you know it's safe! If someone else has eaten it and lived then you should be fine.

6. Fruit in your region is a boon... Assuming it isn't tainted. Upupupupupupupupu.

7. Find a fresh water source, and keep it fresh. Meaning no bathing in it! ;-;

That's all for now.

Rawrasaur · Jul 24, 2016

Last thing before I jump off... I have committed the heresy of never watching a zombie movie/series :3

Kojuen · Jul 24, 2016

Thanks to @Eldecrok for food tips! You're up on the guide now. And don't worry, not all experts have to watch the movies.

Tombstone · Jul 24, 2016

Would anyone be interested in me doing a spread on what kind of firearms would work best? There are all kinds of variables including ammunition, availability, ease of use ect. Wouldn't mind doing it if people were interested.

MrNeko · Jul 24, 2016

Don't just worry about the zombies worry about other humans since there going to be pushed to a limit where they will do anything to survive and attack you for your food and stuff it's human instinct

Durandal · Jul 25, 2016

Here's my zombie plan: Live out in the country, on 23.5 acres of land, with chickens and vegetables and fruit trees (and soon to be sheep as well). Have plenty of guns and ammo and swords and machetes. The zombie density will be so low and easy to deal with, I'm more worried about raiders and bandits.

SquishyAccordion · Jul 30, 2016

If I had to have rules for the zombie apocalypse, it would be these

1) If it's a virus, you can immunize yourself. Do it.

2) Viruses come from their sources. Avoid people-- as useful as they may seem, you never know when they might be harboring a mutation of the virus.

3) Go vegetarian (or better yet, vegan). It's more likely for the disease to spread between animals and humans than veggies and humans.

4) Ferment where possible. It's cleaner.

5) Walking through water makes you harder to track

6) Toilet paper. That shit is gonna be valuable later. Stock up.

7) It's hard to climb trees when your limbs are falling off. The higher up you are, the harder it is for zombies to reach you.

8) No matter what, DO NOT CANNIBALIZE. You are putting yourself at risk of transference by bodily fluids.

Durandal · Jul 30, 2016

SquishyAccordion said:
-snip-

Whoa, those are some dangerous suggestions! In a zombie apocalypse you are going to need protein to build/repair muscle from all of the exertion that will be necessary, as well as healing from any wounds. And it is immensely difficult to get enough protein from a vegan diet based only on what plants you can grow yourself. You are far better off at least having chickens for eggs.

Fermenting takes a long time, and requires hard-to-find ingredients. You're far better off learning how to make a sand and charcoal water filter, or just stock up on LifeStraws ahead of time.

Climbing a tree is a terrible strategy. Yeah the zombies can't reach you, but they also likely won't get bored and wander off with food so close at hand, so all you've done is strand yourself in a tree without supplies. And the noise of zombies groaning at you from below is likely to attract more so when you do have to finally get down to get some water you'll have to contend with a horde on the ground.

As far as cannibalizing goes, just don't eat anyone who has already turned, wear protective gear, cook thoroughly to a safe temperature (165F internal temp), and do not eat brains. Learn to can or make jerky.

Pretty much the only thing you got right was toilet paper. Immensely valuable. I'd also add toothpaste and feminine hygiene products if there are women in your group.

SquishyAccordion · Jul 30, 2016

Whoa. You're really smart @Durandal Those are some points I wouldn't have thought of. You're really knowledgeable about a theoretical zombie apocalypse. It makes me wonder-- I was reading some silly "survival handbook" I found in the bathroom in my dad's place and it said you should always have condoms in a survival situation because they allow you to carry a lot of water with you if you need to go away from an area with water. What's your opinion on

that?

Durandal · Jul 30, 2016

SquishyAccordion said:
-snip-

Spermicides and 'aphrodisiacs' and flavorings notwithstanding... a condom is like a balloon. A penis-shaped balloon. Do you really want to be carrying around drinking water in a balloon? It'd pop easily, not hold much, and opening it carefully to drink it would be a hassle...

If you want to be more knowledgeable about survival, download (free) military survival guide ebooks. The military's entire historic purpose has been figuring out how best to survive in hostile situations when surrounded by people that want to kill you. And there are a lot of resources available for free regarding what to do when cut off from modern military supply lines (which you as a civilian won't have access to in the first place).

Try to look at what the military uses, and buy that. Either surplus or similar. For water-carrying, I bought an 2-quart canteen on Amazon. It's amazingly durable, comes with a shoulder strap and is insulated to keep it relatively cool. I use it to stay hydrated when working out in the yard. Definitely better than drinking out of a penis-shaped balloon.

EDIT: A quick check online shows that people- when discussing about using condoms for water storage- were talking about every day carry situations. An urban get-home kit or emergency survival situation, based on what you might have on hand. And for that it could be useful- better than having nothing. But my philosophy is, it's best to not have to rely on the last ditch effort. I bring a water container with me everywhere, even if it's just going to be a short trip- in case my car breaks down or an EMP hits or something else happens where I have to walk somewhere.

KRONOS · Sep 28, 2016

ugh...you all understand nothing... only thing you need... are TWINKIES!!

Axel The Englishman · Sep 28, 2016

I head off to the barracks and take one of these.

Galahad · Sep 29, 2016

I'd take a flamethrower but I'll need fuel to do so.

Miracleist · Sep 29, 2016

Machetes seem a lot more practical and easier to maintain (I think) than a katana. Though I suppose true Nippon steel might save lives.

Other Rules of the Zombie Apocalypse

Your Choice of Weapon in A Zombie Apocalypse

Crossbow

Shotgun (Pump Action or Double Barrel, your choice)

Machete

Assault Rifle or Submachine Gun

Axe

Chainsaw

Revolver

Pistol

Sledgehammer

Crowbar

Improvised Weapon (You tape two things together and make a weapon)

Katana (Cause why not)

The Horse

Say my name

julie my beloved 🥰

Say my name

The Horse

Obsessive Writer

Cool shuppy waddling away from explosions

New Member

That Damned Cowboy

The Horse

A Rawrasaur Hath Appeared

A Rawrasaur Hath Appeared

A Rawrasaur Hath Appeared

The Horse

That Damned Cowboy

Little witch

Rampant AI

New Member

Rampant AI

New Member

Rampant AI

An-Obscure-Traveler

The Holy Crusader

The Knight of Camelot

Bathing in dream light

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