Lost Echo
🏳️🌈
Four woke up slowly. What happened? Had it happened again?! She whimpered, trying to curl into herself. When her limbs felt too heavy to respond, she cried out, opening her eyes. Where were the others?! Tears sprung in her eyes, and she bit her lip, trying to hold them back. Her fingers tapped out a paradiddle: RLRR LRLL. She remembered. She remembered the voice, the Numbers. She remembered their names. Girlboy, Disgruntled, Wallflower, Wraith, Muppet. They were what was important. She might have agreed with the others, that something had to come before, but she didn’t have that anymore. She didn’t have that connection. She was connected to the other numbers though. And god did she want them back.
Her eyes scanned the room. There were other people there. They didn’t have numbers on their clothes. Somehow that made them scary. Or maybe it was that they were masked. Faceless. They weren’t looking at her, even though she couldn’t control her breathing, each coming out in pants or sobs. They knew she was awake, but they weren’t looking at her. She wasn’t sure she wanted them to. What were they doing? She stared at the colored tubes, tracking them to herself. Her breathing got fasting, gasps and whimpers. Her ribcage felt too small, too tight. Were there straps on her chest? Was that why she couldn’t breathe? She was alone. She wanted her other Numbers.
She can’t help looking at the new man. He was as monochrome as everyone else, but he was looking at her. She now knew she didn’t want to be seen. She tried to shrink back into the chair behind her, but the heavy bands kept her from hiding. He kept looking. She didn’t speak: just whimpered, silently pleading he would leave. The body can only panic for a maximum of about 20 minutes. Four did not know this, nor that it hadn’t already been hours that she was trapped here.
She jerked in her bonds when he spoke. Trembles ran through her, and she couldn’t stop shaking. She tried to focus on his words. Just the words. She could panic about them later, now she needed to remember them. She did not understand pride. Only fear and confusion. Only the safety of the lies, and the connection with her other numbers. She did not understand how pretending that she wasn’t scared could help her. It didn’t occur to her to pretend to be strong, just quiet and scared.
There were words that stuck out the most to her. Observe. Of course they were watching. Her eyes flicked to the Faceless, they were scientists. And the numbers were subjects. It seemed obvious now.
Change. If she didn’t know what she was now, would she be able to tell if she was different? Her eyes flicked around the room to the Faceless. They were the only thing she knew that was different. She didn’t want to be them.
Words had still abandoned her, but her cry was obviously still of protest as a Faceless tried to choke her. For a moment, her body remembered the gasping breathlessness of earlier, but after a few pants, she realized it wasn’t constricted. The piece made no sense to her. She had no connection of subjugation or power with the strap around her neck. The only connect her had was to the other bands, but they already was one holding her head down, and this new one wasn’t connection to anything.
She had barely relaxed when the shock shot through her body. It bowed, straining against the pain, against the straps, against everything. Pleas escaped her mouth, promises she could not understand. Her face was wet with sweat and tears and sobs came out, long after the collar had stopped. She nodded, willing to agree to anything, so that the pain did not happen again. Death, she did not fear. It would get her out of here. She wanted it. She knew it would keep her from the pain. Still, she felt if she’d begged for it, these monsters would never give it to her. Her body gave way to stress before the IV bags emptied, finding relief in the blankness of sleep.
The heaviness was still in her limbs when the buzzer woke Four up. She rolled over, curling her limbs, unbearably grateful to be able to. As she tucked her down, the ring, the collar dug into her neck. She whimpered, remembering the pain from before. Was it happening again? No. Just an echo from how much it hurt before. Four felt she would be feeling that echo forever. Slowly, she uncurled.
Her legs wobbled when she stood, a fine tremor running through her body. She scanned the room. It looked the same. The bathroom was the same, even the food packet. It was like déjà vu. Did they think she’d been made to forget again? Her hands went up to touch the collar. No. There wasn’t the Voice again. Only the Man. She wanted the Voice back. Her lip trembled again, but she tried to hold it back. They were watching, and if she wasn’t doing what they asked…her knees almost buckled under the memory of the shock.
Under it, she blanked on what she was supposed to do. She could remember him saying to obey their commands, but what were they?! A sob broke again, and she dropped her face into her hands, her calluses scratching against her skin. She expected the shock to come any second now. She was sure they were only waiting to make this fear last longer. After a minute, when no more pain came, she closed her eyes, sitting down on the cold tile of the bathroom.
Taking a deep breath, she started to count aloud, “One-two-three-four. One-two-ready” she took a breath, and started to beat out a rhythm against her thighs. She kept her head down, slowly relaxing as she got lost in the music. It grew more complicated, and she expanded her range to include the tile, then the hollow echo of the wall.
This was the first time she could remember feeling truly calm. The tremors stopped, and her breath steadied. The fear wasn’t gone, but perhaps that was for the best. Who knows how long she would have sat on that floor, lost in the peace that was the music? The fear of too long made her come to a soft end. Slowly, she raised her head, looking all the way up to the ceiling. It was as bland as everything else. Swallowing, she raised her hand to the collar, wrapping her fingers around it. It dug in a little, sharp points that she tried to ignore were from those IVs, but she spoke aloud, “Thank you.” She was grateful that they hadn’t punished her for the relief. She didn’t deserve their treatment, but she was going to thank them for any relief they provide. Appeasement was her current plan.
She stood quickly, not wanting to dally any longer. She stripped, her mind catching on the idea of someone seeing her naked, but she pushed it away. There wasn’t anything she could do. She turned on the shower, running her hands under the spray. While it warmed, she grabbed the bar, wrapping it, then taking it into the stall. The steam seemed to soften it, but she still ate it as quickly as she could. She drank directly from the spray, letting it run over her face. Once her belly felt full, she opened her eyes, scanning for soap. There were only two containers. She searched the room, looking for the third. She had a feeling that something bad—no, something not good, at the moment bad only equaled that shock—would happen without the third, but knew protesting wouldn’t help. She started with the shampoo. Her hair was tangled, and it pulled when she tried to work her fingers through the strands. She scowled, but this seemed normal. That third bottle would have helped.
The under current that she shouldn’t press her luck, she let it rinse out, ignoring the knots for now. Soap was next, and she swallowed, remembering what the Man had said. Changes. Had they already happened? She started at the top, and gasped as she remembered the collar. (1) Why hadn’t she been electrocuted?! The entire piece was wet. If it was going to shock her again, it would have. Or they would have. She focused on the rest of her body. The pricks from the IVs stung against the soap. There were bruises around her wrists and ankles, likely from the bounds. Her neck was tender, but she didn’t know if it was from the shock or when she had fought that strap.
She couldn’t tell if anything else was different. She had a brown circle on her hip and a small scar on her elbow. They didn’t look new, but she couldn’t tell. There weren’t any other wounds though. She told herself to be grateful for that.
Turning off the water, she hurried through drying off, not minding the moist creases as she returned to the…bedroom? Cell? She wished she had the proper words for things. Going to the closet (that at least was the right word) she didn’t hesitate to pull out the first outfit. Set of clothes. Ugh, it didn’t matter. She pulled it on quickly, remembering the camera that was certainly watching her.
She stared at the closet again, an idea coming to her. Trying to be subtle, she shifting in front of it, blocking the view, while she shut the door most of the way. Quickly, she tied a messy knot on the sleeve of one of the outfits. She wasn’t sure if they’d let her keep it, but if she saw it the next time she woke up, it would [help] prove this was the same room. If that mattered, she didn’t know, but it was something she could change.
She shut that door quietly, then walked out into the rec room. She was a bit of a mess. Though the clothes were clean, and most of her was, there were obvious tangles in her hair. Self consciously, she threaded her fingers, tugging it apart more. Her eyes still had residual redness from her crying, and you could see the bruises between her shirt and the collar. Still, she smiled in relief at seeing one of hers. “Girl—” she hesitated, glancing at the ceiling for a moment, before correcting herself, “Nine. Are you okay?”
(1)I’m assuming it’s actually waterproof
Her eyes scanned the room. There were other people there. They didn’t have numbers on their clothes. Somehow that made them scary. Or maybe it was that they were masked. Faceless. They weren’t looking at her, even though she couldn’t control her breathing, each coming out in pants or sobs. They knew she was awake, but they weren’t looking at her. She wasn’t sure she wanted them to. What were they doing? She stared at the colored tubes, tracking them to herself. Her breathing got fasting, gasps and whimpers. Her ribcage felt too small, too tight. Were there straps on her chest? Was that why she couldn’t breathe? She was alone. She wanted her other Numbers.
She can’t help looking at the new man. He was as monochrome as everyone else, but he was looking at her. She now knew she didn’t want to be seen. She tried to shrink back into the chair behind her, but the heavy bands kept her from hiding. He kept looking. She didn’t speak: just whimpered, silently pleading he would leave. The body can only panic for a maximum of about 20 minutes. Four did not know this, nor that it hadn’t already been hours that she was trapped here.
She jerked in her bonds when he spoke. Trembles ran through her, and she couldn’t stop shaking. She tried to focus on his words. Just the words. She could panic about them later, now she needed to remember them. She did not understand pride. Only fear and confusion. Only the safety of the lies, and the connection with her other numbers. She did not understand how pretending that she wasn’t scared could help her. It didn’t occur to her to pretend to be strong, just quiet and scared.
There were words that stuck out the most to her. Observe. Of course they were watching. Her eyes flicked to the Faceless, they were scientists. And the numbers were subjects. It seemed obvious now.
Change. If she didn’t know what she was now, would she be able to tell if she was different? Her eyes flicked around the room to the Faceless. They were the only thing she knew that was different. She didn’t want to be them.
Words had still abandoned her, but her cry was obviously still of protest as a Faceless tried to choke her. For a moment, her body remembered the gasping breathlessness of earlier, but after a few pants, she realized it wasn’t constricted. The piece made no sense to her. She had no connection of subjugation or power with the strap around her neck. The only connect her had was to the other bands, but they already was one holding her head down, and this new one wasn’t connection to anything.
She had barely relaxed when the shock shot through her body. It bowed, straining against the pain, against the straps, against everything. Pleas escaped her mouth, promises she could not understand. Her face was wet with sweat and tears and sobs came out, long after the collar had stopped. She nodded, willing to agree to anything, so that the pain did not happen again. Death, she did not fear. It would get her out of here. She wanted it. She knew it would keep her from the pain. Still, she felt if she’d begged for it, these monsters would never give it to her. Her body gave way to stress before the IV bags emptied, finding relief in the blankness of sleep.
The heaviness was still in her limbs when the buzzer woke Four up. She rolled over, curling her limbs, unbearably grateful to be able to. As she tucked her down, the ring, the collar dug into her neck. She whimpered, remembering the pain from before. Was it happening again? No. Just an echo from how much it hurt before. Four felt she would be feeling that echo forever. Slowly, she uncurled.
Her legs wobbled when she stood, a fine tremor running through her body. She scanned the room. It looked the same. The bathroom was the same, even the food packet. It was like déjà vu. Did they think she’d been made to forget again? Her hands went up to touch the collar. No. There wasn’t the Voice again. Only the Man. She wanted the Voice back. Her lip trembled again, but she tried to hold it back. They were watching, and if she wasn’t doing what they asked…her knees almost buckled under the memory of the shock.
Under it, she blanked on what she was supposed to do. She could remember him saying to obey their commands, but what were they?! A sob broke again, and she dropped her face into her hands, her calluses scratching against her skin. She expected the shock to come any second now. She was sure they were only waiting to make this fear last longer. After a minute, when no more pain came, she closed her eyes, sitting down on the cold tile of the bathroom.
Taking a deep breath, she started to count aloud, “One-two-three-four. One-two-ready” she took a breath, and started to beat out a rhythm against her thighs. She kept her head down, slowly relaxing as she got lost in the music. It grew more complicated, and she expanded her range to include the tile, then the hollow echo of the wall.
This was the first time she could remember feeling truly calm. The tremors stopped, and her breath steadied. The fear wasn’t gone, but perhaps that was for the best. Who knows how long she would have sat on that floor, lost in the peace that was the music? The fear of too long made her come to a soft end. Slowly, she raised her head, looking all the way up to the ceiling. It was as bland as everything else. Swallowing, she raised her hand to the collar, wrapping her fingers around it. It dug in a little, sharp points that she tried to ignore were from those IVs, but she spoke aloud, “Thank you.” She was grateful that they hadn’t punished her for the relief. She didn’t deserve their treatment, but she was going to thank them for any relief they provide. Appeasement was her current plan.
She stood quickly, not wanting to dally any longer. She stripped, her mind catching on the idea of someone seeing her naked, but she pushed it away. There wasn’t anything she could do. She turned on the shower, running her hands under the spray. While it warmed, she grabbed the bar, wrapping it, then taking it into the stall. The steam seemed to soften it, but she still ate it as quickly as she could. She drank directly from the spray, letting it run over her face. Once her belly felt full, she opened her eyes, scanning for soap. There were only two containers. She searched the room, looking for the third. She had a feeling that something bad—no, something not good, at the moment bad only equaled that shock—would happen without the third, but knew protesting wouldn’t help. She started with the shampoo. Her hair was tangled, and it pulled when she tried to work her fingers through the strands. She scowled, but this seemed normal. That third bottle would have helped.
The under current that she shouldn’t press her luck, she let it rinse out, ignoring the knots for now. Soap was next, and she swallowed, remembering what the Man had said. Changes. Had they already happened? She started at the top, and gasped as she remembered the collar. (1) Why hadn’t she been electrocuted?! The entire piece was wet. If it was going to shock her again, it would have. Or they would have. She focused on the rest of her body. The pricks from the IVs stung against the soap. There were bruises around her wrists and ankles, likely from the bounds. Her neck was tender, but she didn’t know if it was from the shock or when she had fought that strap.
She couldn’t tell if anything else was different. She had a brown circle on her hip and a small scar on her elbow. They didn’t look new, but she couldn’t tell. There weren’t any other wounds though. She told herself to be grateful for that.
Turning off the water, she hurried through drying off, not minding the moist creases as she returned to the…bedroom? Cell? She wished she had the proper words for things. Going to the closet (that at least was the right word) she didn’t hesitate to pull out the first outfit. Set of clothes. Ugh, it didn’t matter. She pulled it on quickly, remembering the camera that was certainly watching her.
She stared at the closet again, an idea coming to her. Trying to be subtle, she shifting in front of it, blocking the view, while she shut the door most of the way. Quickly, she tied a messy knot on the sleeve of one of the outfits. She wasn’t sure if they’d let her keep it, but if she saw it the next time she woke up, it would [help] prove this was the same room. If that mattered, she didn’t know, but it was something she could change.
She shut that door quietly, then walked out into the rec room. She was a bit of a mess. Though the clothes were clean, and most of her was, there were obvious tangles in her hair. Self consciously, she threaded her fingers, tugging it apart more. Her eyes still had residual redness from her crying, and you could see the bruises between her shirt and the collar. Still, she smiled in relief at seeing one of hers. “Girl—” she hesitated, glancing at the ceiling for a moment, before correcting herself, “Nine. Are you okay?”
(1)I’m assuming it’s actually waterproof