Advice/Help Post Length! Is this post to short, just right, or to long?

cheeseburger90210

900 words from dead!
Roleplay Availability
Roleplay Type(s)
Mega City One/Japan Town, Judges Impound Lot/Jain, Control, Zelda, Dr. Mario, and Mister Brownstone 'lawmasters, lawgivers, and forgivers'

Jain comes out of her room and notices Control has made steaks. Dr. Mario walks back to Dells room. Control takes one of the steaks and sets it on a plate. Jain sits down and eats the steak. Control takes the plate and puts it in the dishwasher. Jain kisses Control after looking at her body in her white and blue cotton school uniform. Jain gets a can of Mountain Dew out of the frig and takes a few drinks. Jain is wearing black leather boots, blue jeans, a white cotton t-shirt with an extra large blue sweater hanging lose, with a black leather jacket over that. Zelda comes out of Jain's room combing her hair. Jain takes another drink and drinks the rest of the can empty, and tosses the empty can in the trash. Zelda goes into the bathroom to make herself look better.

Jain heads out into the yard and stops. She was mad at Yesterday but its strange not having Yesterday here. Was Jain missing Yesterday, and why? Jain goes and gets on her purple 'she can do' Ducati. On the bike she puts on the helmet. She takes off and drives towards Mister Brownstones house. However just a block away she gets pulled over by a Judge on a Lawmaster. Jain is worried as she pulls over and comes to a stop. The Judge comes up beside her and stands beside her.

'What did I do wrong Judge,' Jain asked with worry in her voice?

Suddenly a call comes over the radio system. The Judge waves her off, runs back to his Lawmaster, and drives away in the direction she was coming from.

Jain takes off and makes it to Mister Brownstones house. Mister Brownstone is sitting on a lawn chair wearing all purple. Misty is sitting on a lawn chair facing Mister Brownstone. Jain walks up and watches them play chess. After Mister Brownstone wins in the game, Misty goes into the house. Mister Brownstone faces Jain.

'I was told you are just a wheel-man. I have a question for you I do not think you are ready for yet. It pays double and more then likely will get you killed,' Mister Brownstone said with worry on his face.

'Give me a try,' Jain said.

"I really do not want to do it, and you don't want you doing this," Mister Brownstone said.

Jain smiles and holds out her hand.

'Very well, good luck,' Mister Brownstone said.


Mister Brownstone gets a quest out of his vest. He hands it to Jain, and a blue envelope filled with Mana {$bread/money}. She reads the Korean letter and watches the text fade away afterwards. Jain walks back to the Ducati and gets on. She waves at Mister Brownstone after putting her helmet on. He waves back wondering if it will be the last time he ever sees her again. Jain drives to the location on the paper that she read. It is a Judge impound lot. Jain gets off her bike and runs to the fence to discover the vehicle she is trying to steal is an old Lawmaster. Jain goes back to her bike and watches the impound lot for about three hours watching the Judges patrol around. Being three of them there was no weakness. Jain presses the 911 button on the Gitterbug that's built into the Ducati.

'There are six white teenagers from the Mamma clan selling Slowmo on sixteenth street to young kids,' Jain said and then hung up quickly. The Judges she is watching take off since they are the closest to answer the call. A few minutes later the other Judge turns away to eat his lunch. Jain drives up to the fence and tosses her leather jacket in the bobbed-wire running along the fence. She climbs the fence, and runs to the Lawmaster. Panic flows over Jain as she tried to start the Lawmaster. After messing with the Lawmaster, for what appeared as forever, but was really just a few minutes, she finally gets it to start. She drives the Lawmaster to the gate and presses a button to open the gate. She grabs a skyhook and attaches it to the front of the Lawmaster. She then takes off once the gate is open and stops behind her Ducati. She gets off the Lawmaster and attaches the other end of the skyhook to her Ducati. She climbs the fence, again, and tears up her jacket with holes and openings as she removes the jacket from the bobbed-wire and puts it back on. Jain puts on her helmet. She quickly drives away with her Ducati using the skyhook to pull the Lawmaster.

Just as she starts to pull away a Judge spots her and draws his Lawgiver. But she is to far away and there are people along the sidewalk the Judge doesn't want to shoot with his Lawgiver. The Judge lowers his Lawgiver (a voice controlled gun that is blood printed) and gets on his Lawmaster. He goes after Jain wondering why she would want an old Lawmaster. Jain has panics as the Judge drives closer and closer. Because she is looking back at the Judge who is faster and making his way towards her very very quickly, she missed the massive AR stop sign that is six feet tall. Looking back thinks she is going to get captured for theft as she accidentally runs the stop. Jain makes the street, and just as the Judge is right behind her, a massive green and white Trash-truck trying to stop smashes into the Judge on his Lawmaster and runs the Judge over.

Jain continues to the location on the paper, not sticking around or even slowing down, to see if the Judge, in his golden armor, survived or not. Jain doesn't come across any other trouble. She puts the Lawmaster in the garage of the safe-house location from the paper. Jain removes the skyhood once in the garage, and slowly drives back to Mister Brownstones house. Mister Brownstone is so happy to see Jain. He smiles and runs over to her as she pulls up out front of his house. Mister Brownstone smiles as he hugs her tightly. He worried if she was going to come back for two hours before thinking she was dead by a Lawgiver of a Judge.

"It is done,' Jain said.

Mister Brownstone gives Jain another blue envelope. Mister Brownstone shakes Jains hand.

'Well done,' Mister Brownstone said.

Mister Brownstone waves goodbye to Jain, and Jain returns the wave goodbye back to him, and drives back home. Once at home Dr. Mario, Zelda, Control, and Jain sit in the living room and watch Wednesday on Netflix. Suddenly there is a knock at the front door. Everyone wonders who it is. Stress builds as Jain gets up and answers the front door. As she makes her way over to the door, she wonders if a Judge found out her living locations. She opens the door and outside on the porch is Yesterday. Jain rolls her eyes, and lets Yesterday inside the house.

'No more kissing Zelda, got it, do not touch her, and mind your own lusts, and keep them to yourself,' Jain said while being secretly happy to see Yesterday again for some unknown reason.

Control looks mad that Yesterday is now sitting in a chair in Jains living room. Zelda and the others continue to watch Netflix and Control has a look on her face like she is running different ways to kill Yesterday off in her mind. Jain sits next to control and places her hand on Controls leg.

'No way,' Control said.

Control and Jain go into Jains room. Jain puts the yellow tie on the door and closes it. Jain takes off her jacket and tosses it in her trashcan in her room. Jain and Control get under the massive green cover on Jains bed. Jain whispers into Controls ear,
"♪Somewhere over the rainbow way up high,
There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby,
Somewhere over the rainbow skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true,♪
♪Someday I'll wish upon a star,
And wake up where the clouds are far,
Behind me,
Where troubles melt like lemon drops,
Away above the chimney tops,
That's where you'll find, me,♪
♪Somewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly,
Birds fly over the rainbow,
Why then, oh, why can't I?♪
♪If happy little bluebirds fly,
Beyond the rainbow,
Why, oh, why can't I?♪"
 
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So the thing I notice right off if you aren’t really giving your partner a place to respond.

Now I too can ramble, especially in opening posts when I don’t yet have anyone to interact with so I’m just setting the stage. Or if I need to get a particular bit of exposition out.

I have found it’s helpful to ask myself “what can my partner contribute to this scene.” Or “what does this scene look like from my partners perspective.” ( depending on the nature of the scene ).

So I would work on leaving openings for your partner to also contribute to the story.

Ex. In this case maybe when your character is given their assignment they are told they will meet Partners Character at a specific location. Then end the post at that point and allow your partner to build from there.
 
So the thing I notice right off if you aren’t really giving your partner a place to respond.

Now I too can ramble, especially in opening posts when I don’t yet have anyone to interact with so I’m just setting the stage. Or if I need to get a particular bit of exposition out.

I have found it’s helpful to ask myself “what can my partner contribute to this scene.” Or “what does this scene look like from my partners perspective.” ( depending on the nature of the scene ).

So I would work on leaving openings for your partner to also contribute to the story.

Ex. In this case maybe when your character is given their assignment they are told they will meet Partners Character at a specific location. Then end the post at that point and allow your partner to build from there.
Do you think it is not long enough or to long?
 
Completely out of context one wouldn't really be able to tell. Appropriate post length will depend on various things, in particular who is playing and what their preferences are (not to mention things like the scene context and the like, but preferences play a big role in determining how long a given kind of scene should take).

Now, what I will say... this style of writing is definitely not very well matched with lengthy writing. It's action after action after action, short sentences, not much substance. A post in this style and this length just rams through other people's ability to interact with what's happening. There are rare, specific circumstances in which the combination might not be bad, but honestly for this style of writing I would recommend shorter post formats.
 
Completely out of context one wouldn't really be able to tell. Appropriate post length will depend on various things, in particular who is playing and what their preferences are (not to mention things like the scene context and the like, but preferences play a big role in determining how long a given kind of scene should take).

Now, what I will say... this style of writing is definitely not very well matched with lengthy writing. It's action after action after action, short sentences, not much substance. A post in this style and this length just rams through other people's ability to interact with what's happening. There are rare, specific circumstances in which the combination might not be bad, but honestly for this style of writing I would recommend shorter post formats.
thank you.
 

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