Need Writing tips

[Eldarkon]

Hey guys. this is my first time looking for some help, but i really need it. i am in the works of writing a story and i am in the need of someone that can give me some advice and tips about writing it, as well as reviewing it. if any of you guys can help me with this, please message me and we can talk, id love any help you can give me

 

[Beckoncall]

Why not make discussion here?

If you need help with a story I'd be happy to talk about that...

 

[Josh Thomas]

As Beckoncall says, why not post the idea on here and let the whole community critique constructively? Many heads are better than one.

If you'd prefer to PM, then I would be happy to do so!

 

[TrumpCard]

Well, I suppose I could be of help. Only, I have always had a nasty case of Writer's Block so I never get far when writing a book.

 

[threadz]

i'd be happy to give feedback as needed, but i'll post some of my favorite tips below!

❤ show don't tell!
this is a lot easier said than done, it's something that everyone struggles with. don't tell what your character is feeling, show it. show the watery eyes, the hoarse breathing, the nails digging into their palms. there are a ton of lists of how emotion is portrayed through body language, i'd recommend you look some up! they help me a lot in my writing.

❤ vary sentence length
one thing that a lot of newbie writers tend to do is write sentences with like twenty words and five commas. i did this for the longest time, but unless done right, it easily turns into a headache to read. a few long and spindly sentences here is no issue, but make sure you also include shorter sentences!

❤ use the simplest wording possible
another easy mistake to make. the goal of writing isn't to sound smart, or to make your readers have to refer to a thesaurus every other sentence. it's to tell a story. don't call a credit card a rectangular plastic piece with monetary value. call it a credit card.

❤ write now, edit later
the most aggravating thing about writing is the first time you write, it's not going to be perfect. you want it to be perfect, but it won't be. the first task is to just get the words on the page. you can perfect it later.

❤ outline your story
trust me, you need this. you might think it's a good idea to wing it- it's not. you'll wind up with a middle filled with ??? and half a dozen plot threads that were never finished. there are a ton of resources available to help you outline. you don't need to have every word planned, but when you know just what you're supposed to be writing, it makes the entire process a lot easier

❤ listen to music!
this is really a simple one, but music can help the creative process immensely! there are a ton of ambient and instrumental soundtracks out there that are great to write to. a personal favorite of mine is cosmic surgery by neat beats! bands like mogwai and explosions in the sky also have a ton of great writing music. if youre not into any of that, listen to the soundtrack of some of your favorite movies or video games!

message me if you need anything, but i hope this helps!!

 

[Seldil]

Two things that help me alot:

1. Have some kind of outline. I consider myself more a gardener than architect when it comes to writing but trust me it helps.

2. Skip the beginning. The opening scene always gives me trouble. Even if you have no problems with it you should still write the beginning last. It lets you put foreshadowing in for your readers. It also helps me to skip any part I have trouble with and keep it moving (outline comes in handy here).

 

[Tedronai]

As others have mentioned outlining and writing first, editing later try to just find a rhythm and keep moving forward. Accept that its not going to be perfect. Don't let writers block or perfectionism break your flow.

Many of my early manuscripts have paragraphs (or more) missing, or my intent summed up in a sentence, because I know exactly where I want it to go, I'm just not sure how yet and don't want to lose the flow.

 

[Eldarkon]

ok guys, i know a lot of ya want to give me help. i will now submit a draft for a short story. i would love if you guys could give me some critiques
Beckoncall Josh Thomas TrumpCard threadz Seldil Tedronai

 

[Eldarkon]

In the beginning, there was nothing. But there was one being of great power. None know where he came from, only that he created this reality. There was nothing but peace. The grate being chose a world where he could watch over existence. He chose the most peaceful world of all, and the world of Terrakai. A world with long vast forests, large tall mountains and various landscapes. There made the fortress of Fortea, and filled existence with life. There was long lasting peace, but it was broken by a dark presence. The great being had an unknown shadow, a Dark power that was the opposite of him. This dark power wanted to reality as well, but grate feared that this balance would be his undoing. He refused to let the dark power take over, and that was the beginning, of the longest war. The war between dark and light trying to obtain control over the existence.



The grate being needed to govern and protect the people of Terrakai from the Dark one. s he created two guardians, Jensai and Karath, the guardians of light. Jensu governed the people, Karath protected the people, and for some time all was well. But the brothers had an unmatched rivalry, constantly sharpening and advancing their skills. Then they would show each other what they could do in battle. Every time they fought it would be a stand still, no one would win. Skill matched wisdom, and strength matched speed. For hundreds of years they kept on advancing their skills, until one fateful battle.



Both brothers went to the wastelands of Terrakai, a rocky and gloomy place, since Every battle they fought was too catastrophic to have in an arena. but this battle would scar that world for what would seem like an eternity. The scene was stiff, but had had a flow. The sky was gray and cloudy; no sun was out that day. The ground was rocky and uneven; there wasn't a single blade of grass in sight. The only sound was just the wind passing by. The magnificent mountains of Groth were visible in the distance. Both were in their battle stances staring at each other in an intense glare. And just after the wind passed by, the battle began. They fought and fought with their hands, fists, and magic. Each fought with all their might and strength, both matching each other in almost every way. It lasted for quite some time, yet in the end, Jensai was victorious.



Karath was filled with rage by losing to his brother, and went over to his father with a request. “I want more power father" he said " you favor my brother more than me." "My son" he responded "your brother only defeated you because he gained the power himself. I did not give him anything. But you must learn that true power is not given to you, you have to gain it for yourself". His father's words only made him even more infuriated. He wanted more power so he could defeat his brother. So he left the land of Terrakai with all of his men in search of it. They went to the only being in existence that had the same kind of power as his father, the dark one. He journeyed to the dark land of Koku, the land of shadows. The dark one was aware of what had transpired, and knew of Karath’s intentions of meeting with him. He was waiting for him in his fortress of Daramon. When karath arrived to his fortress, they began to speak “why have you come here, guardian of light”. Karath then explained the battle with his brother, the disagreement with his father, and his new intentions of gaining power. The dark one was willing to give him power, but in exchange karath would give his full allegiance to him and him alone. Karath agreed, and he was transformed. His armor changed its shape and became black as night. His eyes became a glowing scarlet red and his fingers became claws. His strength, speed and power had grown far beyond of what it was before. His mind was twisted from a man who valued justice, to a man who valued power more than friendship. He was no longer Karath the powerful, but Drakos the warrior of shadows. He rose, and was ready to bring war upon the light. With a deep, dark, evil voice that boomed through the air, he made a declaration. “The war begins now”



Both sides prepared for war. They ran into battle. Powerful warriors from both sides battled to the death. Yet those were not the greatest duels fought that day. In the mist of battle, Jensai looked up saw his twisted brother walking towards him, pulverizing any and all who got in his way. Jensai had to train harder than before. Since his brother was gone, he had to take over over his role and protect his people. In doing this his father gave him the same kind of power of his brother, but he gained it himself. From love and joy instead of hate and anger. His armor was pearl white instead of black as night, and his eyes were true blue instead of scarlet red. He was the complete opposite of what his brother had become. The battle they had before was just the beginning, the real battle just began. They fought like they had before, but with it was more extreme. And while they were battling on the ground, another one took place in the heavens.



The dark one and the grate being approached each other in the heavenly realm and prepared for battle. The dark one gave his brother one final chance. Again, he rejected his offer, and the duel began. They ran at each other running so fast, they were making canyons behind them. There attacks were of great magnitude, causing massive shockwaves and flashes of light. All battles in the heavenly and the earthly realm lasted for quite some time, but then the brothers had enough. They powered up their attacks, forming glowing balls of energy in their hands. When they were ready, they shot powerful beams out of their hands. When the collided, they formed a giant ball of energy. Nothing happened at first, but then there was a massive explosion and a flash of light. The explosion caused dust to fill the air, and was so big it did not only blind the heavens, but also the ground as well. All warriors from both sides were pushed back a long way. When everyone was awake, they were all drained of power, so both sides left each other alone to rebuild for later battles. But when the dust cleared, there was something in the center of the crater of the explosion. A glowing gem of great power; the fusion gem. The fusion of the powers of darkness and light. The dark one was the first to notice this object, and he saw the magnificence of its power and wanted it for himself. But no matter how hard he tried to retrieve it, he could not. The gem was heavy and even with his strength, he could not lift it. He tried shattering it into smaller pieces, but it was indestructible. After seeing this dark one left it as a reminder for a battle he did not win. But then a group of warriors known as the ancients, also noticed the power of the gem, and sought to also harness it as a weapon. But not with darkness, against it. And their collective wisdom and power, they were able to harvest the gem. Each one of them had special skills and knowledge and helped design and craft a weapon of awesome power out of the gem. They then built the most powerful weapon that could possibly exist; the fusion blade. Yet, after they had crafted this weapon they then realized that the sword was too powerful. No one, not even the grate being he was worthy to wield it. So they took the remains of the fusion gem and sealed the sword inside of it. They then hid the gem in a secret place, and hoped that it would not be discovered. They were wrong.



It was discovered that the gem had been harnessed into a weapon and both sides tried to separate the sword from the gem to use it against themselves, but not even their strongest warriors or most talented mages could separate or unseal it. After several centuries of people trying to gain the power of the sword, a mysterious prophecy was engraved in the gem itself by an unknown entity. The prophecy read "nine warriors of power shall come, and with them great good or evil will be done. But the ninth warrior will be the most powerful one of all, and make either good or evil fall." Both sides were nervous of this, knowing that the power of the sword could destroy either of them, and both tried to seal the gem and sword itself. But before they could act, the sword was already gone and the first warrior had come. And then, the legacy of the warriors of power began.

 

[Tedronai]

Ok, so the first thing that jumps out is that there are a lot of typos. More often than not you refer to the grate being, rather than great being.

Next there's a lot of telling, but no showing. For example, you tell us Karath was angry, but we never feel it because we're forever outside looking in.

The great being giving one son power is a little contradictory when he told the other he needs to find it for himself. That's not to say its bad, just acknowledge it. Gods can be fickle.

There's more I could say but just a little to be getting on with since I don't want to demotivate you with endless criticism. You've made a brave move putting work out there and asking for feedback, more than many would be writers manage so don't let the feedback get you down

If you'd like specific advise let me know and I'll show you how I would have written it. Possibly others will too.

 

[Seldil]

I'm still learning also but here is something I noticed that will help tighten up your prose. There are alot of unnecessary or duplicate adjectives. For example the line that reads " long vast forrests and large tall mountains" is actually much stronger as "vast forrests and tall mountains" or even "vast forrests and moutains".

I make this mistake alot trying to describe fantasy settings. What I do to look out for it is take a descriptor out and reread the sentence. If it still makes sense leave it out. Then take something else out and reread it again. Keep going untill your writing no longer makes sense. Then only add back what you have to in order to give the reader a clear picture.

Dont worry too much about giving too little description . If you give too little your reader will fill in the blanks with their own imagination. If you give too much you run the risk of boring or confusing them.