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Fantasy Lichbane: Character Sheets

I've got what I call the pronoun problem, it seems I can't go one sentence without using a pronoun or proper noun. How do you people type normally without the use of names or "she" in every sentence? I tried using a semicolon to substitute using another sentence but... my grammar (and writing) sucks.
 
I've got what I call the pronoun problem, it seems I can't go one sentence without using a pronoun or proper noun. How do you people type normally without the use of names or "she" in every sentence? I tried using a semicolon to substitute using another sentence but... my grammar (and writing) sucks.
You will get better with practice.
 
I've got what I call the pronoun problem, it seems I can't go one sentence without using a pronoun or proper noun. How do you people type normally without the use of names or "she" in every sentence? I tried using a semicolon to substitute using another sentence but... my grammar (and writing) sucks.

Use her name more. also since you are talking from the point of view of one person, try to focus less on her specific actions and more on her reactions and observing the setting. Try starting sentences with words other than pronouns and avoid the common use of the old formula "pronoun-action-result". Instead show your readers what’s happening rather than telling them.

AbsurdNerd AbsurdNerd
 
AHAHAHAHHA SAME

sorry about my reply being so short btw, my head is spinning like crazy
 
Hopefully it's not too late for this.
Character Sheet: Serys Clairdall

  • 6d3e6f7a013a137cb53f949d85756071.jpg

    Name: Serys Clairdall

    Age: 23

    Gender: Female

    Race: Human

    Class: Sorcerer

 
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Absolutely Impeccable demetrio. I suspect we were both writing our posts at the same time.
 
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Hopefully it's not too late for this.
Character Sheet: Serys Clairdall

  • 6d3e6f7a013a137cb53f949d85756071.jpg

    Name: Serys Clairdall

    Age: 23

    Gender: Female

    Race: Human

    Class: Sorcerer

This looks okay so far. All we need now is your writing prompt.
 
latest

Name: Arentir Valtara

Race: Human

Age: 25

Physique: Very well built when not in robes. He is 6'3, and has a very powerful glare when his mask is off.

Class: Zealot, Inquisitor, Cleric
He has gifts of healing to a certain degree, though what he is really gifted in is using his God's might to destroy all who opposes him. His staff allows him to channel more energy into every one of his strikes, as he primarily uses magic to fight. However, if it comes to close combat, the staff can polymorph into a large warhammer that he uses to dominate in physical combat.

Equipment:
  • Staff of Asha-channels holy zealous energy, resists magic, turns into warhammer
  • Gold and Silver Holy Symbols of Asha
  • Holy robes of his order, as well as belt pouches that store alchemy ingredients and small bits of food.
  • Amulet of Ducain-Magic resistance, slow regeneration for minor wounds.
Bio: Arentir was not always a zealous servant of Ashan. Sure he had always been one of the church, growing up under a clergyman, but he was never one to turn away from his old faith. His childhood was easy, he got whatever he wanted when he asked, and could do whatever he wanted so long as it didn't deface the church. That is of course, if he learned his role within the church. His father desperately wanted him to follow in his footsteps, even though he was never supposed to have children in the first place. Looked upon as an accident and an unwanted abomination by everyone in the church, Arentir grew up a very lonely and quiet boy.

His school life was no better, as his fellow students also loathed him and tormented him for who he was. Being placed in a very high end religious school, Arentir's education was quite extraordinary, but it was once again very lonely and painful for him. Arentir was welcomed nowhere, as even his teachers hated him, and he was offered no sanctuary for the young man, and with all corners of his life being hot, he was forced to hide within himself, and the seeds of insanity were planted.

While his mind was tormented on all sides, he dove deep within himself to find out who he really was. He tried to run to the comfort of the Gods, yet the ones he constantly learned about didn't seem to care, and he could never hear there voice. On one night, after being bullied and painfully beaten by a gang of students, he turned away from the Gods, believing they had abandoned them, and spent the night cursing them. Of course, they didn't take to highly of this, and his agony was tripled when the only person who kept him sane, his father, was killed in a tragic "accident". Though young Arentir suspected murder, there was nothing he could do, and the seeds of insanity bloomed. He was thrown into an orphanage, yet still continued to go to the school as a tribute to his father's memory. Every night, Arentir would curse the Gods again for his sorrow, and fall asleep crying in agony as the Gods lashed out at him. One such night, he was awakened by a voice, which led him from his bed, to the church, where the hypnotic voice uncovered a staff. Upon gripping it, thousands of voices, spilling knowledge into his head, devoured his mind. They surrounded him, they barbed his young soul...and they supported him. Any sane man would understand the curse Arentir was falling under, but with his broken mind, all he could think was whatever being was doing this, supported him, and believed in him. His white robes turned a crimson red, and a new mask surrounded his face. Power unlike Arentir had ever known now surged through him, and he was given his quest.

His old quiet, reserved self was gone. Now, he shouted out his new God's name, and tried to convert all he saw by charming them with mind altering magic from his new Goddess, Asha. Of course, nobody else took very kindly to this, and he was swiftly thrown into the town, being deemed unfit to live with others. Though Arentir's insanity does not make him horribly socially awkward (he actually has lots of raw charisma), it causes him to believe things he shouldn't, as well as go to any lengths to fulfill what he believes his goddess wants of him.

Leitmotif:





Writing Prompt:
None would expect Valtara to have any success where he was, especially being so deep into his insanity, however that simply isn't the case. He has adjusted quite well to his new home, and his craftiness and well educated mind enabled him to get on people's good side rather quickly, and he was able to live a rather comfortable life here. However, he still has plans about leaving to try and further his goddesses' glory. How he plans to do this is still unknown, but he continues on this path anyway, insane as it may be.

He hasn't made any close friends, though he often spouts about his Goddess, and is often trying to convert people. Being well educated, he has the skills and knowledge to convince people to listen, and even better at getting them to see his point of view. If people don't like him doing this, he hasn't noticed, and if they have told him to stop, he considers them non believers, and will eventually be punished when Asha releases her power to destroy the non believers. Once again, his insanity causes him to try and read omens everywhere, and even if they are things he really shouldn't follow, he still looks for the signs he believes his God is trying to give him.

The Eternal Moon Curse was one of such signs that he almost thought to be of Asha. While that thought hasn't completely left his head, he is extremely curious of what the curse has come to do, and what it means. He constantly tries to connect it with Asha, desperately wanting for the time of the purge to come, but his eyes are still open to a more obvious sign. Until then, he wishes to figure out exactly what it means, and who is causing it, as if it isn't Asha, they must be purged.

He had always found undead fascinating, and while Asha never forbade the use of necromancy, Arentir never pursued the dark craft, prefering more obvious magic that would show his devotion to his master. He has also used the omen to convince others that Asha is the only way to get through such a horrible curse, but that has had little sucess with such an outlandish attempt. Still, he is undaunted and continues to use the Omen as a sign of Asha, or a sign that Asha is calling upon him to do something.

The King's warning to not go after the four knights hardly reached his ears. He didn't fear the warning, and often considered following them himself. If anyone had an idea what the Omen was about, it was the King. Still, he was no fool, and knew the dangers of the deeper parts of the city, and wouldn't go in without a small group...though, publicly, he wouldn't admit any hesitation. Of course if he saw a sign he believed to be from Asha he'd be going anyway, despite the warnings and obvious dangers.

DemetrioMachete DemetrioMachete
 
Do you care where I start? There a good place for me to begin or does it really matter?
Honestly I don't care where you start. But if you want my advice, maybe start off near the entrance to the deeper parts of the ruins, since you spoke about following the four knights, but hesitated without a group.
 
  • z1SOvdE.jpg

    The armor she once wore with pride.​

Basics
Name
Meryth Alesani

Race
Human

Age
35

Height
5'7"

Weight
138 lbs

Hair Color
Blonde

Eye Color
Blue Grey​
Equipment
• Longsword

• Tattered hooded cloak

• Rucksack containing:
• Bandages
• Waterskin (Half Full)
• Stale loaf of bread
• Small pouch with 7 gold​

• King's army badge (pinned to cloak)


  • Physique
    The woman stands at five feet and seven inches and weighing around one-hundred and thirty-eight pounds. Her most notable feature is the infection that has engulfed the entirety of her right arm. The Rot, as most call it, has spiraled its way up her neck and has spread across the left half of her face. Her figure is slim yet despite the disgusting disease that had disfigured her, she has the appearance of a soldier. The former-soldier keeps her right arm wrapped up with several layers of bandages.
 
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  • z1SOvdE.jpg

    The armor she once wore with pride.​


Basics
Name
Meryth Alesani

Race
Human

Age
35

Height
5'7"

Weight
138 lbs

Hair Color
Blonde

Eye Color
Blue Grey​
Equipment
• Longsword

• Tattered hooded cloak

• Rucksack containing:
• Bandages
• Waterskin (Half Full)
• Stale loaf of bread
• Small pouch with 7 gold​

• King's army badge (pinned to cloak)

  • Physique
    The woman stands at five feet and seven inches and weighing around one-hundred and thirty-eight pounds. Her most notable feature is the infection that has engulfed the entirety of her right arm. The Rot, as most call it, has spiraled its way up her neck and has spread across the left half of her face. Her figure is slim yet despite the disgusting disease that had disfigured her, she has the appearance of a soldier. The former-soldier keeps her right arm wrapped up with several layers of bandages.





DemetrioMachete DemetrioMachete Please let me know if I need to add, take away, or change anything!

This is fine. Well written. All you need now is a writing prompt.
 

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