It's all about connection

[narsiserious]

Garret stared in stunned silence as Catherine shifted awkwardly in her seat. Wanting to give them some privacy, she picked up her bowl of oatmeal, excused herself, and stepped out to the front porch.


In all the time that he had known Lauren, he had never made a mistake this bad that it would provoke her to snap at him in such a way. It was new and rather refreshing, but very scary at the same time. It was scary because that meant that he would have to keep himself in check once again. He couldn't get too comfortable or he would add more pressure on Lauren. He would have to wait and allow her to go at her own pace. It didn't matter how much he wanted to know more about her, if he stepped out of line like this again, she may distance herself completely.


"I'm sorry," he said once again. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to- I didn't know it would make you feel that way. I stepped out of line and I apologise. It wasn't my intention to..." he sighed. "I won't make that mistake again. You don't have to forgive me, but just know that I'll try my best to..push down my curiosity."

 

[FloatingAroundSpace]

Lauren sighed heavily, washing her dish in the sink before drying it off to turn to Garret, leaning against the counter top. "Garret," she said slowly, "you have to understand, this is very different for me. I have never been in a relationship, ever. I haven't bothered pursuing one because it was pointless to me. You," she gestured at him, "are different. You've- I don't really know, but you've decided that even though I'll probably have my nose stuck in a book the entire time, you've decided that that's good enough. It's new to me and something that I need time to get used to."


She sighed and walked back over, sitting down in her chair and staring at him from across the table. "I know you mean well. I really do. You could have asked and I would have shown you some of my favorite pictures. There's no need to change for me at this point in time, in fact, I'd rather you not." She traced patterns onto the table, pursing her lips and trying to decide how best to phrase her next sentence.


"We're very different people, Garret. I need time, more than most people, to figure this out. I need you to realize that plans for me are the things that keep everything in order in my life which is how I like it. This," she gestured to the space between them, "is different. It was kind of... spontaneous and sudden. So I need a lot more time to figure that out."

 

[narsiserious]

At first he hadn't thought too deeply into what this could mean for Lauren. She wasn't extremely angry with him about the photo albums, she was...scared. Well, he assumes she was. Things were moving too quickly, and Garret was the one at fault for that.


"Lauren," he made to reach out for her hand but thought twice about it and placed both his hands in his lap instead. "I'm never going to push you for an answer. I know I wasn't planned. I know that you're confused and still trying to work things out. It's okay. I'll wait as long as you need me to. If it's you, I can wait a whole life time," he said, lifting his gaze to lock eyes with her.


It was time for him to stop running away from confrontation. He needed to behave like an adult now. Take charge of his life, instead of wandering around aimlessly, waiting for something good to happen to him instead of going out and looking for it. His situation with Lauren was the same. He needed to stop hesitating and panicking every time he tried to approach her. That wasn't to say he would be completely and openly affectionate with her yet, he would just no longer be afraid of speaking with her about their little predicament. At appropriate times of course. Like he said, he wasn't going to push her for an answer.


"I understand we're different in a lot of ways," he took in a deep breath. "We're almost complete opposites, really. But...but...there's nothing wrong with that. If you need time, I'm willing to give you time. You know that I love you, right? That's all I need."

 

[FloatingAroundSpace]

Lauren sighed and leaned back against her chair, watching Garret. "Yes, I know," she said quietly.


And that was the problem.


She knew that he loved her, more than he probably loved himself and in a different way than anyone else had, ever. It was weird, knowing that for him, she was good enough, that for him, she was the greatest thing he could ever have. For Garret, she was the sweetest thing and for Garret, he wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of his life with her.


Lauren still didn't know what she wanted. He was kind and sweet, sure, but he would not magically make her happy by being around all the time. Lauren was someone who kept things to herself. His presence did not make her want to tell him everything, if anything, she wanted to shove all the emotions associated with him away.


But she would have to learn, would have to figure it out soon enough. Because she did want him to be happy. He deserved that much.


She gave him a small smile. "I know."

 

[narsiserious]

"You probably deserve a whole lot more than me," Garret said, combing his fingers through his hair out of habit. "There are a lot of people who could be better suited for you than me," he lowered his gaze. "What I'm saying is, I may not be the most desirable person to you, and we both struggle with intimate relationships on different levels, but this doesn't have to be as complicated as you think."


The prospect of there being someone far better for Lauren than him hurt like all hell, but it was the truth and he would just have to accept it. Garret wasn't anything special. He didn't have an amazing talent or a long term goal that made him stand out amongst the crowd. He was just an ordinary guy trying to get by in life, and maybe that was good enough for him. He didn't need to shine like Lauren, or be as passionate about his goals as she was. The best he could do was just cheer people like her on and hope that she'll do great things. He was the supporter, the guy that was always there to give some encouragement. That was just who he was. So of course there was going to be someone far more suited for her than him, but he didn't see anyone like that around.


"I know that you know, but you haven't accepted it yet, and that's okay," he stood up from his chair to wash up his dish. "I love you and that's all. No big deal."

 

[FloatingAroundSpace]

Lauren opened her mouth to say something when the front door flew open and she jumped, turning to see Juliet standing in the doorway, a great smile plastered onto her face.


"LAUREN," she bellowed loudly, "Dear cousin, what the hell are you doing this fine day? Why's Catherine sitting outside by the way?"


Juliet glanced between Lauren and Garret and furrowed her brow, as if trying to sort something out.


"Uh, is everything ok?"

 

[narsiserious]

Garret had grown accustomed to the interruptions now. It hardly fazed him anymore. Juliet's appearance was actually appreciated since it gave him a little bit of a breather. He felt as though his heart was beating a mile a minute. Serious talks had always been stressful for him.


"Everything's fine," he grinned at her as he moved over to the sink to wash his bowl and spoon. "Catherine wanted some fresh air, that's all," he said, keeping his back turned to the girls.

 

[FloatingAroundSpace]

Lauren glanced at Juliet with a small shake of her head. Juliet frowned more but didn't dwell on it.


"Uh... ok. Anyways," she said, glancing towards Garret, "do you guys wanna go somewhere or just stay here and watch TV? Because there's a movie theater that we haven't gone to in a while and Sylvia's been saying how we can go there for fun or eat out together at the mall down the street. They have a Cheesecake Factory there."

 

[narsiserious]

At the words 'movie theater', Catherine instantly skipped back into the room, happy to now participate in the conversation. Although she understood that Garret and Lauren had a lot to sort out between them, it seemed everything was more awkward these days. And here she thought yesterday would make things a little better between the two.


"Oh! Movies! We have to go to the movies, and the mall, and eat all the cheese cake! C'mon! C'mon!" she bounced excitable on her feet.


Garret smiled. "We just ate breakfast, Cathy. Let's pace ourselves, alright?" he said, drying his dishes and placed them on the side.

 

[FloatingAroundSpace]

Lauren frowned slightly at her cousin. "I was thinking of just lying around the house, actually," she said. It sounded boring as hell but she really wasn't up for anything that day. She wanted to flop around and think about what the hell her life was and why her feelings were so troublesome.


"Fine," Juliet said, shrugging before turning to Catherine. "You wanna come with me?"

 

[narsiserious]

Catherine jumped at the chance of being out of the house and nodded immediately. She didn't like being in one place for too long. Also, there was the fact that she wanted to give the other two some alone time to fix whatever was happening with them. She didn't like being the third wheel.


"Yeah, dude! Let's go!" she said, already putting on her shoes.


"I think I'll pass. I'm still getting over how much I ate yesterday," Garret sighed and leaned back against the edge of the counter.


"Boring," Catherine stuck her tongue out at him.

 

[FloatingAroundSpace]

Lauren arched an eyebrow at the exchange but said nothing as Juliet left the house, though her cousin gave her a pointed look that seemed to say "Actually do something relaxing" before she shut the door.


Sighing, Lauren walked over to the couch in front of the television and flopped onto it, glancing at Garret for a second.


"Do you watch TV usually?" she asked, flicking it on with the remote. "I haven't been interested in watching any so I don't know how much the shows have changed."

 

[narsiserious]

Garret gave the girls a small wave as they left. To be truthful, he didn't actually want to be alone with Lauren for now. He felt too uneasy, and it made him afraid that he may say or do something he'll regret in the future. Just yesterday he would have given anything to spend some time alone with her, but now that it was just the two of them in the house, he began to feel a little anxious.


"Shows?" he asked as he joined her on the couch. "Hm, there are a lot of shows these days. What do you feel like watching? There's...Fixing good. English Happy Tale. The Strolling Living. Books of Chair. Whispering Peasants. Old on the Car," he snickered to himself.

 

[FloatingAroundSpace]

"What?" Lauren asked, looking at him. "I watched PBS until I went to high school and switched right to Netflix when it was available." She flipped through a few channels until it appeared that there was a movie on, one with bright lights and whizzing colors.


"This looks interesting," she muttered, leaning back against the couch as she watched. "Hey," she said, gesturing Garret over, forgetting that they were alone, "come here."

 

[narsiserious]

Garret shook his head and waved his hand. When she told him to move closer, he became slightly squirmy all of a sudden. He didn't want to get too close. If he was any closer than he already was, he might get tempted to wrap his arm around her or press again her side. He told himself he was going to be more assertive, but he wasn't going to invade her personal space.


"What's it called?" he asked, scooting an inch closer to her then stopped. "I haven't been watching too many movies lately. Just the odd ones."

 

[FloatingAroundSpace]

Lauren frowned, squinting at the bottom of the screen to see. "Some kind of superhero movie," Lauren said. There was a man on screen with a tight jumpsuit with what appeared to be a letter "X" on his chest. Lauren shrugged before scooting closer to Garret but paused when she realized that he didn't want to be closer to her.


When they would watch movies as a child, Lauren would always end up wrapping herself around the nearest person for warmth and to lean on. She liked body contact that way. It was warm and intimate and she could always feel their heartbeat and breathing underneath her cheek. Even at that age, she thought how strange and how wonderful it was that no matter what, human beings worked to keep themselves alive.


"Hey," she said, realizing that it could be a very awkward question, "Can I use you as a, uh. I dunno, a nice teddy bear or something?"


She flushed when she realized how ridiculous it sounded.


"Or not, it was just something I did whenever I watched a movie and some of my friends were around. They always called me clingy."


In all honesty, it felt nice to be so close to other people, to lie on top of them. It made her feel slightly wanted.

 

[narsiserious]

Lauren proved to be a lot bolder than Garret had thought. She wanted to use him as a teddy bear? God help him. They were going to cuddle. Well, to him it could be called cuddling, but he didn't think it would mean the same thing to her. She said she did this often with friends, so it probably meant something very platonic.


"Oh...er..." he hesitated for a moment.


He wondered if this was how it would be if they ever decided to live together. Or if they ever get together at all. Being the hopeless romantic that he was, Garret had dreamed of days like this. A year ago he didn't have a face or a voice to go with those daydreams, now he had Lauren. His friend, Lauren. His text buddy. The one woman who he could confidently say that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. She was in most of his dreams nowadays, though he had to admit she was somewhat out of character during most of those dreams. His imagination could never compare to the real thing however.


"Sure. Come here," Garret opened his arms out to her, a warm smile dancing across his lips. "It's okay. I don't mind. You do this with your friends too?" he asked. "Maybe I should get you an actual big teddy bear," he laughed.

 

[FloatingAroundSpace]

Lauren rolled her eyes and crawled over to Garret. She laid her head down on his shoulder bone and curled her arm his waist before resting the other one on his chest.


"Just so you know," she said softly, "I do care about you. A lot. I just don't know if I'm ready for any more steps at the time." She absentmindedly traced patterns on his chest, her fingers moving of their own accord. "I'm sorry if I seem to be flipping a lot. It's just that it takes time and time is something I seem to have trouble keeping track of. I get what you want from me and I'm figuring out what I want from this."


She turned her head slightly to kiss his collarbone lightly before leaning against his shoulder slightly.


"I like this," she said quietly. "Just sitting here, doing nothing. I've been doing everything for so many years that it feels like everything's rushing by at all times. Stopping and resting is something I haven't gotten a chance to enjoy in a long time."

 

[narsiserious]

Although the feeling of Lauren's arms wrapped around him was not anything new, it never ceased to make Garret internally squeal like a love-sick school boy. He wondered if it would always be like this; him feeling like he was about to combust just because she wanted to get closer to him. Having someone want him for something was already making him feel warm and fuzzy inside, he was about to jump over the moon. Despite already being told that she had this habit and that it wasn't exclusively with him didn't really matter.


When she spoke, he wrapped his arms loosely around her waist and focused on the breathing against his neck and her hand on his chest. One of the things he had loved about having a partner in the past was the intimacy. The light touches on his hand, on his arm, on his cheek, or his chest. The feeling of having someone else's fingers weave and dance through his hair. That was one of the reasons Garret always loved taking care of his hair, just so it would be more inviting to touch. Though he wasn't going to admit that embarrassing fact aloud to Lauren.


"I like this too. It's nice..." he couldn't move. He didn't want to risk it. If he made a sudden move or did something wrong, he knew she'd be scared away like an easily startled cat. "And I know. It's okay. I'm fine with this. I really am, I promise," he said taking a deep breath.


She probably thought he was lying. He probably sounded like he was lying too.


"I do want something more," he confessed. "but you mean more to me than a relationship," he tilted his head and placed his cheek atop her head, her soft locks caressing his slightly stubbly skin. "I'm not going to ask for more than this even if I do want us to be together. I know you're not yet comfortable with taking the next step. I can give you as much time as you need," he spoke softly.


He didn't know where to go from there. What more could he say to ease her worries?


Taking a deep breath, he decided to say whatever came to him.


"My end game isn't just to be in a romantic relationship with you. It's getting to know you as a person until I'm able to predict what you're gonna say next," he laughed. She probably didn't need to hear this right now, but they were alone once again and it was a good opportunity. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding. However, I do want to know you a lot more. I've asked you about a lot of things in the past, like, what your favourite colour was, or, your favourite movie. You only gave me vague answers and I know that's because you haven't been given the chance to do anything out of studying and work. So...I want to be there when you discover your favourite movie or when you start wearing or buying things in colours that you really love. I wanna be there for when you reach important milestones. I can be in the background, but...I wanna be there for your graduation so that I can say that I'm proud of you. I may love you in a romantic sense, but I love you as you, as a person and as a friend. That's all you need to know and you shouldn't dwell on it too much."


Garret fell quiet for a second.


"...Please don't tell Catherine that I just made a really cheesy speech."

 

[FloatingAroundSpace]

Lauren hummed, blinking sleepily as she watched the screen, her fingers skimming his shirt as he spoke above her. "I like the color purple," she offered quietly. She shifted a bit, pulling one of her legs over his so that she could lean against him better and rearranging her hair so it was tucked past her ear.


"I never really thought about those things for a while because I couldn't figure out why it should matter," she explained. "I guess at the end of the day, if you're always doing things because they're going to matter, you're going to miss all of the fun things in life."

 

[narsiserious]

"Yeah? Purple is nice," Garret turned his head towards the television screen, but barely paid attention to what was happening there. He was far too conscious of Lauren and given just how cuddly she was towards him now, he couldn't bring himself to focus on the movie. Though the distraction would have been nice.


"...You have to pace yourself," he muttered, feeling his eyelids droop ever so slightly. It was warm and cozy. He was weak when it came to sleepiness. "Doing everything all at once will only hurt you in the end. Sometimes it's best to stop and take a deep breath."


The last thing Garret wanted was to discourage her. Lauren's goals were important to her, he knew that all too well. However, there wasn't anything wrong with him asking her to take a small break now and then.

 

[FloatingAroundSpace]

Lauren shifted in Garret's arms, glancing up at him for a second.


She knew that what she was doing wasn't all together completely healthy. She knew that there would be consequences if she kept it up for much longer. But education was the most important thing to her in life, and she was going to get her proper education if it killed her.


Lauren sighed.


She knew that family and friends were just as important. She knew that she had to live life somehow, or she would just be miserable. She would be friendless and loveless and she would have no reason to do anything besides work. Lauren had heard of people who had made so much money all they could do was make more. They had no one to tell them to stop, no one to speak to at the end of the day.


Out of all the things in life that scared Lauren, being alone was one of the worst. She had been alone in the beginning, left behind by parents that didn't want her. And she was going to be alone again at the end of the day if she didn't offer something to anyone else.


"Ok," she said quietly, shifting and rolling over so her head was in Garret's lap and she was peering back up at him, legs thrown over the armrest on the couch. "Want to go running with me tomorrow?"

 

[narsiserious]

Garret shifted himself slightly so that he could get more comfortable. "Running? I would love to," he said, peering down at her.


They were making progress finally. Although it wasn't much, Garret would take the small victories. However Lauren was feeling about him, he now knew that it was edging towards a more romantic area. He wasn't sure what exactly she felt, but this was good enough. Just some reassurance that she may feel the same for him what he felt for her. He was content with this much. If at the end of the day she does reject him, he was happy to be able to get this close to her.


"I think I need some exercise. I'm starting to feel pretty sluggish," he muttered as he absentmindedly ran his long fingers through her hair. "I haven't had a decent meal until I came here. I miss family dinners," he sighed softly.


Not specifically his own family dinners, just meals with people he liked. Though Catherine and Mark made sure to have dinner or lunch with him once a week, he felt like it wasn't enough. However, he never said anything about it in fear that he may be a burden on them. They were already taking time out of their busy schedule to see him, he couldn't ask for more than that.

 

[FloatingAroundSpace]

Lauren hummed and looked up at him briefly. He had talked a bit about his family, how his father seemed to be someone that didn't appreciate his son and his mother as a doormat of a person (though not in that way) and being raised by a woman that had no clue how to. Lauren felt sorry that Garret hadn't had a good life, surrounding by supportive family like she had.


She yawned as the movie continued on for a bit before Juliet burst inside again a few hours later and howled about how they were going to get their asses off the couch and actually do something that night. They were hauled around and about as Juliet ran towards the backyard of her house (an almost identical classical suburban one) and to a ring of stones in the back. Cyril was lighting a stack of sticks with Chellsea, who waved at her cousin.


Lauren quietly wrapped her fingers around Garret's and sat next to him on some inflatable lawn sofa, leaning her head against his shoulder, trying to figure out if she liked the way things were going.


He was warm and understanding. And that was what people needed, right? A shoulder to lean on, someone to understand. Even if they didn't support her the entire time, it was ok. She didn't need someone to take her hand and reassure her every few steps. She had her own confidence and knew her capabilities.

 

[narsiserious]

Juliet seemed to be the type to like big entrances. Garret didn't know how many times the younger girl had burst in on them now. He wasn't exactly angry about the interruptions, just disappointed that he couldn't spend another couple of hours with Lauren in peace and quiet. Then again he should be grateful. Juliet did keep things interesting around the place. They were dragged outside a little bit after the girls returned from their trip to the mall, and it seemed Lauren was still in her cuddly mood despite having so many people around. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't happy about that.


Sitting outside in the cool air with a small fire in front of them was as romantic as this trip could get for Garret. He couldn't think of any other scenario that could be as perfect as this one. The sky was slowly turning dark, and although there weren't too many stars out, the moon was bright and clear above them.


When he glanced over to Catherine, he saw her smirking slightly at him, her whole expression teasing. He blushed but didn't comment. He was already too happy to be embarrassed.