Other i struggle to make friends

[justaweirdo]

Okay so this post might seem stupid, and that's totally okay.

So, I struggle to make friends. I in all honesty used to be so good at it, back when I was a teenager. I had no problem talking to people in person or online, but I've noticed the last two-three years (since I started working full-time and going to college) I've struggled. I can't seem to find people who can hold a conversation. It's always the oh so boring "Hi, how're you?" and it never goes past that besides maybe a "what's up?" I find it really hard to even reply to those kind of people anymore...

I have four best friends, all of which I've known since 2007, 2010 and 2014. Two in "real life", two "online". My real life friends though have moved away and lives hours away now. Since I made that last friend in 2014, I've struggled to find people who can simulate my mind, that make me want to actually reply.

I find myself mostly alone besides the time I spend with my boyfriend and it makes me incredibly lonely and sad. And I don't know how to fix this. I used to be so good at this, and all of a sudden I distanced myself from the internet and now I find that because I can't get online every day and people are so cautious to give out their number or facebook (which I totally understand!!!) the potential friendship kind of dies and I just give up...

So I guess I'm asking, how can I go about finding people with similar interests who can hold a conversation and potentially become actual friends?

 

[Windsock]

I'd help but I have the same issue.

 

[VoodooNova]

Oh adulthood. The opportunity to sustain strong friendships becomes difficult when you're not constantly surrounded by people of similar age/interests in class.

Shoot me a PM, there's some stuff I can show ya/talk to ya about regarding overcoming a busy schedule.

 

[Imperator_tenebrae]

At this age making new friends can be either a benefit or a liability. It is always better to choose your friends carefully over than having the placebo in strength through numbers. The friends I've chosen carefully albeit they're a very few have been there during the rough times and been friends for a over a decade. The ones still living of course...

Let's face it, at the end of the day no one gives a shit how many friends you have, it is the type of friends you have and you can rely on. Quality fellowship is always better than the quantity of mere associates because here is a very fine line between a fair-weather friendship and that schmuck of an associate you have to deal with fives days out of the week.

 

[Omnimon]

Okay so this post might seem stupid, and that's totally okay.

So, I struggle to make friends. I in all honesty used to be so good at it, back when I was a teenager. I had no problem talking to people in person or online, but I've noticed the last two-three years (since I started working full-time and going to college) I've struggled. I can't seem to find people who can hold a conversation. It's always the oh so boring "Hi, how're you?" and it never goes past that besides maybe a "what's up?" I find it really hard to even reply to those kind of people anymore...

I have four best friends, all of which I've known since 2007, 2010 and 2014. Two in "real life", two "online". My real life friends though have moved away and lives hours away now. Since I made that last friend in 2014, I've struggled to find people who can simulate my mind, that make me want to actually reply.

I find myself mostly alone besides the time I spend with my boyfriend and it makes me incredibly lonely and sad. And I don't know how to fix this. I used to be so good at this, and all of a sudden I distanced myself from the internet and now I find that because I can't get online every day and people are so cautious to give out their number or facebook (which I totally understand!!!) the potential friendship kind of dies and I just give up...

So I guess I'm asking, how can I go about finding people with similar interests who can hold a conversation and potentially become actual friends?

I guess the question is.....

What is the meaning / definition of a "friend" to you ?

 

[justaweirdo]

I guess I'm just looking for someone who can actually hold a conversation to where it becomes a friendship. I'm very fortunate for the few friends I have. Friendship to me means we understand life is busy but are still able to communicate every now and then. Someone I can vent too if needed too (I don't usually vent so) and they can do the same. I guess I don't know how to explain it. I'm not looking to have like 100+ friends, I'm just looking for like one or two more people I can grow to trust and lean on, and they can do the same. And if they're online, one day meet and hang out! c:

 

[Omnimon]

I guess I'm just looking for someone who can actually hold a conversation to where it becomes a friendship. I'm very fortunate for the few friends I have. Friendship to me means we understand life is busy but are still able to communicate every now and then. Someone I can vent too if needed too (I don't usually vent so) and they can do the same. I guess I don't know how to explain it. I'm not looking to have like 100+ friends, I'm just looking for like one or two more people I can grow to trust and lean on, and they can do the same. And if they're online, one day meet and hang out! c:

So to you a friend is someone who's interesting who can hold a conversation with you then ?

 

[justaweirdo]

So to you a friend is someone who's interesting who can hold a conversation with you then ?

Pretty much, yes. I can't stand small talk (unless we're already friends and that's all we got time for). Don't get me wrong, I like to know how the person is, but don't just say good... Tell me what's going on. And if you say bad, tell me what's going on. I like to know the person, and of course would have to have a few similar interests. I can't hold a conversation about something I've never learned or done, etc.

 

[Omnimon]

Pretty much, yes. I can't stand small talk (unless we're already friends and that's all we got time for). Don't get me wrong, I like to know how the person is, but don't just say good... Tell me what's going on. And if you say bad, tell me what's going on. I like to know the person, and of course would have to have a few similar interests. I can't hold a conversation about something I've never learned or done, etc.

Point well taken .... holding a conversation about anything would be alright.....

me ? its someone who's there when your life's gone to hell ...and those are few and far between .....

Everyone wants to be a friend when life is good..... the " real" friends are the ones who are around when life isn't exactly " good" .....

 

[justaweirdo]

Point well taken .... holding a conversation about anything would be alright.....

me ? its someone who's there when your life's gone to hell ...and those are few and far between .....

Everyone wants to be a friend when life is good..... the " real" friends are the ones who are around when life isn't exactly " good" .....

If you had read my previous post, I obviously want that too. I want someone who actually cares, because I'm a very caring person. But I also need someone to hold a convo. I can't help and be there if I don't actually know what's going on.

 

[Hall Kervean]

*spirit animal located*
I have friends, but most of them I worked hard to get lel.
I can hold a conversation with all of them.
But in any case, I find it hard to maintain a conversation, so when I lose a topic I end up writing the "how are you."

Or tell random stories.
Like the guy who walked up to me and another scout while we were unpacking and asked "Hey, what's the fire extinguisher for?"

 

[PanOtterPus]

I myself actually have very few real life friends.
I just don't have the time for fake people, and that seems to be all I meet these days. I'm a very honest and quirky person, so I find it easy to just start a conversation with a weird comment like "hey, do you think hulk's pants turn purple when he gets angry because they too are angry. I mean it can't be nice getting torn all the time."
Merp. Just depends on the person. If they understand and respond to the weirdness then woop new fren! If not, then no loss for me. I don't really go out of my way to make friends anymore. I'd rather have a few really good friends than a lot of "friends" simply for numbers sake - quality over quantity I say!
Though, in saying that, I do enjoy talking to people on here about any random thing we can think of.

 

[Sway]

I can't seem to find people who can hold a conversation. It's always the oh so boring "Hi, how're you?" and it never goes past that besides maybe a "what's up?" I find it really hard to even reply to those kind of people anymore...

This is and should be mutual. Are you sure you aren't the same? I can be difficult to see and criticize yourself in this respect. I have the same problem, especially when it comes to the word "whatever". The second someone uses it, it tells me that this person has no interest in contributing anything, and I take my leave. You sort of have to ask yourself: "what do I offer that makes someone want to hold a conversation with me?"

 

[justaweirdo]

This is and should be mutual. Are you sure you aren't the same? I can be difficult to see and criticize yourself in this respect. I have the same problem, especially when it comes to the word "whatever". The second someone uses it, it tells me that this person has no interest in contributing anything, and I take my leave. You sort of have to ask yourself: "what do I offer that makes someone want to hold a conversation with me?"

I know some days I struggle to hold a conversation because I am far too busy to be on my phone constantly. I usually try to send a message and say hey I'm busy. But most times, I want to talk about things that it seems the people I talk too aren't interested. Like I have a few I talk to on telegram and one we can talk all day and I don't get bored, but the others, I try to ask them things and they give me one-two worded answers and I just don't know how to work on that. I know that I get disconnected and I'm not always responsive right away, but with work and school it's hard to be always on my phone.

 

[Hall Kervean]

"hey, do you think hulk's pants turn purple when he gets angry because they too are angry. I mean it can't be nice getting torn all the time."

I don't have a clever response to this.
Shoot.
I've been thinking for like 5 minutes. Nothing.

 

[PanOtterPus]

I don't have a clever response to this.
Shoot.
I've been thinking for like 5 minutes. Nothing.

That's because it could legit be true... Though it does leave me questioning the anger levels of every purple thing I see..

 

[Hall Kervean]

That's because it could legit be true... Though it does leave me questioning the anger levels of every purple thing I see..

Well, cuz red is usually anger and blue is calm.
So red and blue are combined.
So maybe the pants are... infused with anger?
That's my best answer.

 

[PanOtterPus]

Well, cuz red is usually anger and blue is calm.
So red and blue are combined.
So maybe the pants are... infused with anger?
That's my best answer.

Answer accepted. I thank thee.