I actually DO want some feedback

[Murdergurl]

I know this character feedback section is MEANT for such things, but it looks like most people just use it for character storage. To me, that's kinda weird because we have a Private Workshop area that I figured would be a better place for something like that. Anyhow, I digress.

I actually would like some feedback on a character of mine. She's about 5 (maybe 6) seven-ish years old by now. However, I've always had a lot of difficulty getting her into any given RP. I would like some feedback from the community in regards to any opinions you might have of her: Things I might need to embellish on, things I may have embellished too much on, things that are unclear, just general opinions on her persona/appearance, etc. She's among my top favorite created characters, and I don't think I've ever openly put her out for critique.

Fair warning, the profile is NOT a short read.

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[Crayons]

How gentle or brutal do you want this feedback to be?

 

[Murdergurl]

How gentle or brutal do you want this feedback to be?

be brutal. im fine with that

 

[Crayons]

I'll try to drop some feedback off when I have the time/brains.

 

[Murdergurl]

lol. so like... I guess not? I'm gone for literal months and no one?

 

[sephoinks]

Hello! Not sure if my opinion will be so good since I haven't been in the roleplay community for long, but I think this character is pretty badass sounding. I gotta ask though. Is she a psychopath? I feel like I gotta know before I say anything else

 

[Murdergurl]

Hello! Not sure if my opinion will be so good since I haven't been in the roleplay community for long, but I think this character is pretty badass sounding. I gotta ask though. Is she a psychopath? I feel like I gotta know before I say anything else

A psychopath as defined as, "An unstable and aggressive person" ? Yes. Most definitely. If you mean clinically, I don't know enough about the actual mental disorder to really tell you yes or no.

 

[sephoinks]

A psychopath as defined as, "An unstable and aggressive person" ? Yes. Most definitely. If you mean clinically, I don't know enough about the actual mental disorder to really tell you yes or no.

Well from what I've read online, a psychopath is a person who is incapable of feeling empathy or remorse. Since I saw things in Nadia's personality like her sadistic tendencies I was instantly thinking of a psychopath. I don't wanna jump to conclusions though since I also am not an expert with this stuff! I wonder if not feeling any empathy fits your character as well? Especially since she doesn't like getting attached to people. You only spoke about that in romantic terms though so I'm not sure how a casual friendly relationship with her would be like. Then I wonder if she has any friends? It seems like her relationship with Jeffery is just a business one from his description (since it's mentioned that she can easily dispose of him if she needs to) so I don't think he is considered a friend. Which makes me come to my point.

I think what could flesh out Nadia more would be introductions to a wider variety of character relationships. Or at least more details with her and specifically other people she met in her past time. I say this because I barely see it in the character backgrounds. Not even a single thing about family or anyone on the job Nadia might've encountered that could've impacted her personality. Or anyone she's acquainted with. From what I can see (correct me if I'm wrong) she is seemingly a confident and direct person. Her prime motives appear to be the thrill of her job and money. Then there's her thing with attachment, where you mentioned her life rarely standing still. Does this refer to her career only? There's a lot of career stuff going on. It makes sense too since what she has known all her life is constantly climbing ranks. But. I'd like to see other stuff like maybe her fears. And (again) character relationships. This could give more perspective and show different aspects of your character than just a detached femme fatale. Maybe Nadia's aggressive because she's afraid of having anyone too close to her since she never seemed to have an intimate relationship like that. Maybe it's a confusing thing to her. You could delve more into her attachment and trust issues. If she has any that is. Maybe when Jeffery saved her, you can talk about how that affected the relationship between Nadia and Jeff. Even if she's a character who doesn't have remorse, there are other types of relationships the character can have with people. Like a revengeful relationship. A hate relationship. An acquaintance she encounters a lot on the job. Just wanna see some more relationships in her life.

Maybe I'm undermining the fact that the universe/world she lives in has constant war and is futuristic. I'm also wondering what her ethnicity is? Does she know her ethnicity? Do nationalities still exist in the universe she lives in?

Hope this isn't confusing, I could try explaining more if anything I said wasn't clear!

 

[cuzn]

I get the vibe that this is for a sci-fi or cyberpunk-style story, in which case she works very well for that story, but I get the feeling that every aspect of her characterization is there to push the storyline forward and establish firm worldbuilding - this isn't necessarily a bad thing, but what she has strong in anchor to the plot and universe she seems to lack in character depth. To put it as simply as I can, I can tell that she belongs in this specific story and nowhere else; I can tell which tropes she was pulled from specifically in that genre and type of storytelling, where I'd guess action-packed scenes overpower the simple slice-of-life interaction, but it leaves her as a character feeling very stereotypical "action sci-fi movie badass lesbian girl" that seems to be very common in western media. I believe she's very good for the story she's meant to be in, but it could be difficult if you're planning to use her in a roleplay where she's paired with another character and an emphasis is put on day-to-day interactions.

Personally, I think you did really super good in terms of basing her personality off of her backstory and making it well-suited for the setting, but adding even small things like hobbies, strengths, weaknesses, fears, and little quirks or mannerisms can make her a much more fleshed out and lovable character, this time lovable as a character and not so much as a plot device. What's always helped me in fleshing out personalities is the MBTI personality test, which you can find with a quick search online - it goes in-depth about different personality types, and if you want to read up on it or take the test for Nadia, it could give some insight into how to make her a character that stands out from the rest of the badass lesbian female archetypes in her genre.

What the person above said too is really helpful, I think - adding sentiments and character relationships, also taking the time to explore character dynamics in both casual and work-related settings, could be really useful! There are a lot of ways to add more depth into characters, sometimes by deviating from the original trope and other times by adding more tropes in and intertwining them smoothly (i.e. adding a "secret soft side" angle to her can easily make her seem more accessible and dynamic) so you definitely have a lot of options!

Overall though, it's all pretty much your final decision, this is all just stuff that I think would help flesh her out and make her a very lovable and fun character to both you and to the readers/rp partners! I hope this helps you out a bit c: