Other How do I convince my friend to step back for a bit? (Advice welcomed!)

[Azymondias]

I am a 26F, my friend is a 26 MtF, and her wife is a 22yr old F for context. For the story we'll call me J, her V and the wife S. I'm not too good with these kinda posts so feel free to ask questions.

We've known each other since I moved up here three years ago, V, S and I worked at the same gas station for a whole year, me and V clicked as we liked the same stuff, same nerdy videos, same games, and before the state legalized green we would use my apartment to smoke because her landlord forbid smoking but my landlord said he didnt care so long as the apartment got cleaned before move-out.

I never clicked with S because she was more feminine of the two, always doing her nails, makeup, etc. I did try, for the first year and a half I tried but I just couldnt make a connection with her like I had V. We're friendly, like she'll get me stuff at the store if I ask, and vise versa kinda thing.

Well last night they both got drunk because I surprised them with alcohol, but I didnt impose and stay over like V wanted me to because they had family over and my social anxiety did not wanna be drunk around strangers but S's mom messaged me asking me if I ever did anything sexual with V, which i profusely tried to shut down that rumor because literally V and I are more of a brother/sister relationship, platonic not sexual.

Well I was woken up at 1am to someone walking into my apartment and its a very upset/drunk V (she has a key so I knew it was her or S). I make her sit down and she tells me that S got drunk and accused V of cheating on her with me, mind you we don't even pee with the bathroom door open, and shes never seen my underclothes except for one time I puked on myself and she helped me take my shirt off and get a clean one on, but we immediately told S what happened (V's ideas because she didnt want S randomly walking over and seeing something out of context)

Well I asked V what was wrong and she said the same thing S's mom said that her (V) and S got into a huge fight where she accused V of cheating on her with me, is there anything I can do to appear less as a threat? Should I stop inviting them over? Cut them off as friends? I've never been in this situation before and I dont want to do anything to split them up.

 

[xpstitch]

(This user is a layman is not a professional)

Using only the info on hand I can say that there's something S may have something else going on entirely (deep insecurities perhaps).

Figure out how much distance is bearable for each of you and work from there. Have a serious conversation about just the two of you (not optional) to figure that stuff out.

V and S need to talk about that stuff.
S's jealously is their problem alone, not your responsibility or fault. Typical of these things, V will at best be able to temporarily dissuade doubts on their loyalty. It will likely not go away as that's something a therapist or such needs looking at.

Worst case scenario : S's insecurities result in something like an ultimatum, V needs to be ready for that and so do you. V may decide to enable S's jealousy, choosing them over you.

At the end of the day V needs to figure out how much of S's damage they are willing to entertain in comparison with how much they value you. Goes without saying, figure out what you can tolerate from the pair of them.