0stinato
In Bhaal's name.
Tethys knew that she couldn't immediately answer Nika. She was grabbing onto a problem too big for Tethys, and too personal to understand. So she listened to Nika, really listened, and tried to force her words to make sense. Tethys had always known she was different to Nika, very different. For one thing, she wasn't as clever: Nika was her superior for a reason, and kept her emotions comfortably suppressed while on duty. But that was one of the reasons Tethys liked her so much: she knew how much Nika could offer her in the arena of self-improvement, how much she could learn about her responsibilities in this job, and how differently she could see the world when Nika was a lens she had access to.
But that meant the differences between them were often more like rifts.
"I don't doubt there are some lines you'd never cross, Nika, man, I can't see you, like, punting a child because it's being a little shit," she said, trying to bring some humour. "But I... I don't think I really necessarily agree with you... I mean, yeah, I guess I do this job for Epsilon... but I didn't get into it 'cause I wanted to defend Epsilon. I got into it 'cause there are people out there that can't defend themselves and they need someone to do it for them. I mean, you know, the other day... I think you kinda got my motivations wrong. How can I explain it..."
Tethys scratched her nose as she thought. Had to get the words straight in her head. Had to make Nika understand her this time.
"I weren't fighting Thorn to stop her from killing the guy. I a hundred percent get that there are proper melts out there that are better off not causing problems, you know, and I'm not gonna pretend like I wouldn't of shot him. I probably would of, but... that's not... the reason I didn't shoot him, or the reason I didn't let Thorn shoot him, was 'cause there was people all round us that didn't need to see all that. I mean, you take Moscur that we was out wiv, you know. He's smart, but he's a total squeamish baby sometimes. I could of popped the guy's head like a cork but I didn't 'cause Moscur would of been really fucked up by that... and I think that's where we're crossing our wires, Nika. I get that we're technically doing this for Epsilon but I signed up for this to protect the lives and rights of people like Moscur who can't fight for themselves. I mean, I didn't know Moscur very well at the time I signed up, but still, I knew people like him. I dunno... I don't think it's a good idea going around thinking you're doing something 'for Epsilon' or you might just start thinking your influence is too big or too small than it actually is. You know? But I felt what I did stopped a whole room full of young people from having to witness an execution, which I think is the right thing to do for me."
She paused, glanced at Nika.
She felt she had to qualify what she was saying. "Not that what Thorn wanted to do is bad. It just... weren't... didn't sit right with me. If she was to just spill brains on the dancefloor then who's gonna suffer? Not her, not the guy she would of killed, but all them people watching. That's the issue."
Whether Nika understood her or not mattered. It could mean the difference between working with Nika and working alone.
Then the topic changed. And it changed violently. Evidently, Nika had her thoughts on the woman Tethys had enjoyed breakfast with.
"Look, I think, the only thing that's gonna have any sway over me is how hot the male prossies are she offers. I'm not a druggie, I don't drink all that much, and as far as I know, she don't offer places to build motorbikes. Listen, you know me. What am I more likely to do? Be nose-deep in some substance or nose-deep in motor oil? Eh?" she nudged Nika with her elbow, hoping she could set off the woman's prying fears with caricatured humour. "I know my own heart, sweetie. It's in love with spurs and brake pads and the burning of a bike seat on my arse during a heatwave." And she laughed. Raucous, boisterous, rough around the edges, and genuine. It came right from the throat. "Now, as I was saying, my heart's got one more goal, and it's to be more aware of shit so we can maybe avoid more random attacks by idiots in bars. Then we'll both be happy. Who can I talk to to make that happen? Aside from you, of course."
But that meant the differences between them were often more like rifts.
"I don't doubt there are some lines you'd never cross, Nika, man, I can't see you, like, punting a child because it's being a little shit," she said, trying to bring some humour. "But I... I don't think I really necessarily agree with you... I mean, yeah, I guess I do this job for Epsilon... but I didn't get into it 'cause I wanted to defend Epsilon. I got into it 'cause there are people out there that can't defend themselves and they need someone to do it for them. I mean, you know, the other day... I think you kinda got my motivations wrong. How can I explain it..."
Tethys scratched her nose as she thought. Had to get the words straight in her head. Had to make Nika understand her this time.
"I weren't fighting Thorn to stop her from killing the guy. I a hundred percent get that there are proper melts out there that are better off not causing problems, you know, and I'm not gonna pretend like I wouldn't of shot him. I probably would of, but... that's not... the reason I didn't shoot him, or the reason I didn't let Thorn shoot him, was 'cause there was people all round us that didn't need to see all that. I mean, you take Moscur that we was out wiv, you know. He's smart, but he's a total squeamish baby sometimes. I could of popped the guy's head like a cork but I didn't 'cause Moscur would of been really fucked up by that... and I think that's where we're crossing our wires, Nika. I get that we're technically doing this for Epsilon but I signed up for this to protect the lives and rights of people like Moscur who can't fight for themselves. I mean, I didn't know Moscur very well at the time I signed up, but still, I knew people like him. I dunno... I don't think it's a good idea going around thinking you're doing something 'for Epsilon' or you might just start thinking your influence is too big or too small than it actually is. You know? But I felt what I did stopped a whole room full of young people from having to witness an execution, which I think is the right thing to do for me."
She paused, glanced at Nika.
She felt she had to qualify what she was saying. "Not that what Thorn wanted to do is bad. It just... weren't... didn't sit right with me. If she was to just spill brains on the dancefloor then who's gonna suffer? Not her, not the guy she would of killed, but all them people watching. That's the issue."
Whether Nika understood her or not mattered. It could mean the difference between working with Nika and working alone.
Then the topic changed. And it changed violently. Evidently, Nika had her thoughts on the woman Tethys had enjoyed breakfast with.
"Look, I think, the only thing that's gonna have any sway over me is how hot the male prossies are she offers. I'm not a druggie, I don't drink all that much, and as far as I know, she don't offer places to build motorbikes. Listen, you know me. What am I more likely to do? Be nose-deep in some substance or nose-deep in motor oil? Eh?" she nudged Nika with her elbow, hoping she could set off the woman's prying fears with caricatured humour. "I know my own heart, sweetie. It's in love with spurs and brake pads and the burning of a bike seat on my arse during a heatwave." And she laughed. Raucous, boisterous, rough around the edges, and genuine. It came right from the throat. "Now, as I was saying, my heart's got one more goal, and it's to be more aware of shit so we can maybe avoid more random attacks by idiots in bars. Then we'll both be happy. Who can I talk to to make that happen? Aside from you, of course."