Don't take things personally (IC to OOC issue).

[Lokipi]

Don’t take things personally (IC issue)… well the subject of this is plain to see really but I will elaborate anyway.


I’ve been lurking on this board for a while now, posting on other people’s rants but was never brave enough to post myself, until now anyway. I’d like to state, before I post, that this has happened on another site, so I’m not picking on anyone here, or there actually… but never mind that. I just want someone else’s’ point of view, and perhaps have a giggle (too long to read? I've summarised at the bottom).


I’ve been roleplaying for years, it’s great fun however, on multiple occasions I have witnessed people get all uppity over an In Character (IC) comment or fight. They take it to heart and either explode, sulk or straight up leave the roleplay without another word. Now usually I try to be the peace keeper and if someone is upset I will try my hardest to make things better. I care. I’m sure a lot of you out there do too…


However, I recently found myself as the cause and this was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. So let me lay things down for you: My character is the only human in a roleplay where everyone is a supernatural being. No one wanted the human, but I like the, supposedly, weak or side-line characters as I’ve never been much for the limelight.


So this character, let’s call her Stacey, is in kitchen midnight baking. She has adorned fluffy, pink bunny slippers, has a bright vomit green dressing gown on and is singing along to one direction… All these terrifying, and questionable taste choices aside however, there is a hot guy watching her. She doesn’t know this, or the fact that he is a werewolf, let’s call him Jake (hehe…twilight..hehe). If anything, he’s that dark brooding type that doesn’t say much but he suddenly appears in her kitchen with an invitation to join him and some friends to a club.

​

Before she gets the chance to decline however, he interrupts her with the ‘I have to show you something’ and BAM, the hot dude hits the floor howling in pain. Horrified, Stacey watches Jake transform into a hulking humanoid wolf with claws the size of mini kitchen knives, thick fur, towering height and a muzzle as long as Stacey’s forearm, packed to the brim with pearly white teeth.


So, to me, right there and then, my character’s normal life has been ripped open and not really having a great constitution, she freaks out. She goes pale, and in a true film nerd fashion, including the Arny’s accent, quotes predator “You’re one ugly mother..”( You get the jist). Shortly after, she then arms herself with a whisk. Survival skills aren’t strong with this one. But she isn’t thinking straight. Again there’s a werewolf in her kitchen (and this isn't twilight).

Now, shortly after posting this, the person who controls Jake flips out. He says I should rewrite, because his character is being nice. Admittedly, from his stand point, yes, but Stacey is a human who believed werewolves only belonged in films and stories. He kept ranting, until I apologised and edited for the sake of peace. We then moved on, but from that point his character was openly vicious to mine, which from an in character standpoint makes sense... if I hadn’t edited.


In the OOC, the dude openly stated he didn’t like me. I accepted this, made a joke out of it and from that point, avoided conversation with him. I didn’t want to start a fight after all.


The sad thing is, I like everyone in the rp, they are great, even Jake’s dude, and I love the rp itself but I honestly feel like I’m walking on eggshells all the time now.


So to the people out there who were plucky enough to wade through my long rant, have you ever taken an IC comment to heart? I admit, some people deliberately jab fun in IC then deny its real when they are pulled up on it, but still, those few cases aside =/


If you haven’t, have you got any similar stories to share?


Obviously, do not use this as a chance to name and shame. Change names and change places if needed please.


Tl; dr:


A guy takes IC comment seriously, flips out and demands I apologise and edit. I’ve also seen people up and leave rps without a word because of a harmless IC jest.


Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever taken anything to heart from the IC? Please share, both serious and funny, as life is far too short to be all doom and gloom.


Also, if I have ever insulted someone unwittingly via an IC comment here I am sorry!! And please don't take it to heart. It is part of character development, not me calling you a freak

 

[Elle Joyner]

Ah. Yes. The old inability to separate oneself from their character issue. I've run into this many times in many different respects. Folks don't always seem to get that just because it's an OC or because your screen name matches their name they are still a FICTIONAL character. I have seen fights break out in the Shoutbox over this many times ("I'm a super ice dragon who is 9 billion years old, you can't set me on fire!" "OMG! I'm a fire God, so yeah I can!" {LEGIT}) and it's maddening.


I think a lot of it chalks up to maturity. Some folks can write without having to become their characters... some can't. Honestly, the only thing we can do is politely explain to them that IC is IC... and OOC is OOC and if they're unable to separate the two then RPing with them just won't be possible.


Short of it - sorry you had to deal with this in an RP you enjoyed That's bunk... and really something the GM ought to address.

 

[Lokipi]

Haha, yeah I was just taken a back as I've never been the direct cause. I'm usually the person that comes in with the white flag waving, saying 'we're all friends here!'. The GM remained rather silent through out the other dude's rants, until I sucked it up and apologized. Then he magically appeared like this

I couldn't;t help but giggle.


On retrospect, it was silly of me to take his ranting to heart, all because he couldn't dissociate between himself and his character. But I'm a soft one xD


Also, amazing fight between ice dragon and fire god... the ultimate show down. I wonder who won? or was it just the beginnings of a marvelous friendship? :')

 

[Elle Joyner]

Ha xD It was actually more like the beginnings of me putting people on ignore in the shoutbox!


But yeah. It's sad that people make RPing any less fun than it should be, by behaving that way. Hope your next RP has more success!

 

[Chordling]

I don't interpret your scenario so much as a personal grudge, more like the lack of reading comprehension skills. To me, I do not believe the other party took offense, rather, they just didn't seem to be flexible enough to move their character along with the story. Instead of lashing out after your explanation of your character's reaction, they should have revised their idea of what would happen next with their own character. To me, this looks more like a situation where someone has a particular idea in mind for the roleplay, and they don't want to let it go, so they do everything possible to manipulate the surrounding factors to go their way or the highway. They were not open to other ideas except for their own.


So I do not believe that they were linking the two identities together, rather, they were just not good at roleplaying. You obviously were not joking when you told detailed your character's reaction to a giant wolf suddenly appearing in their kitchen, so it wasn't like it was a jest gone wrong type of thing. I feel like more of the IC to OOC issues come in when a character insults another character, and the offended character's creator becomes offended themselves.

 

[Lokipi]

This is true, but looking at it from that stand point, it doesn't explain why the rper in question then stated he no longer liked me and continued to be rather unsavory ( I feel so young again saying that xD ). To me that shouts out that he did take personal offence at my character's reaction towards his character, particularly the link towards Arny's quote.


If he was simply clinging onto a set reaction, surely his dislike would not have been so aggressive or long lasting?


I do agree that usually a joke is comparing someone else's character to something silly, like garfield or the undead. Whilst the kitchen scene was a reaction, which I had done as a hope of being comical, yes but also deliberately showing my character's disbelief. So you have me there.

 

[Chordling]

This is true, but looking at it from that stand point, it doesn't explain why the rper in question then stated he no longer liked me and continued to be rather unsavory. To me that shouts out that he did take personal offence at my character's reaction towards his character, particularly the link towards Arny's quote.

This is true, but if I remember correctly, there was also a moment when you two disagreed whether your post should have been edited. I still believe that what happened in the OCC and IC are separate, though it is not to say that they are difference instances or situations, however. They probably no longer "liked" you because you did not agree to their desires, and because of that, they acted out as they did. I still see how it can be categorized into the IC problem translated to OOC problem though I don't find it to be absolutely direct. For instance, if their character had suddenly lashed out against your character for their reaction before they went on their OOC tirade, then I would agree 100% that these two instances are linked together. But since they spoke before their character reacted, it's more of an OOC to IC situation. Both cases relate to what Elle said earlier about separating oneself from the roleplay character, but I find that the two can differ. ( )

 

[Sunbather]

I frequently insult people IC and often get it back too, I never had this issue arise. I'm honestly baffled how this even comes up. I mean, sure, if you have a history with someone and you two don't get along, and suddenly someone joins your RP and uses every chance to unleash at you... there's a reason to take it personally, I think. But just from normal playing? What the hell?

 

[Ignitedstar]

I've never had something like this happen to me, but this was because I always knew I was roleplaying with people who didn't use their characters as self-inserts. When people get that offended and take it to grudge, I think there's a problem. And it's not yours.

 

[SpamBot]

I can't help but giggle whenever people takes things IC personally. It's just a story, and honestly, going off that character's reaction, I'd say it's pretty well justified.


I have only had one instance happen to me, and that was when someone in a group thought my writing was shite, my character poorly portrayed, and decided to have his character make snide remarks about mine. It was pretty funny, actually. He tried to be cool about it like wording it to suit his character's personality, but I saw right through it.


It was also funny because the dude got annoyed with someone 'godmodding' one of his npcs while he turns around and acts like a control freak in other rps. He pointed out that the person 'godmodding' did it 'right'.


Did I say anything? No. I just let it go, because it wasn't worth the effort. He was just some joker who thought his shit didn't stink. Though I did leave the group.

 

[Pine]

Well, most of what I was going to say has already been said, so I'll cut it short on my response to the situation. Bottom line, I disagree with anyone ever feeling obligated to change the events of their post just because they got upset over what happened. You know your character better than anyone. It's your character, after all, with their own independent way of thinking, reacting to situations etc. etc. That's... why we give them personalities. lol You shouldn't have to mold your character around what someone else thinks should happen. If you ask me, you were going with the most realistic reaction, which probably doesn't fit with whatever romantic ideal that they had in mind.


I've had a good amount of experience with people that base their characters off of themselves. Hell, take me back to my early days of roleplaying, I did something very similar. My character was definitely an idealized self for me, same nickname, a rubbish backstory, and OP as all get out, the whole package. I remember faintly one time there was this whole mix of chaos going on in one of my roleplays, and all of a sudden, SOMEHOW my OP God mode managed to kill one of the other characters! I freaked out, told the other person they didn't have to do that, because... I suppose I didn't imagine the impact being lethal, or maybe their character just got caught in the cross-fire and, hell, I'm supposed to be the good guy!


My memory is a little fuzzy, but I just know that I panicked. As for people losing their temper over such a thing... well, I have an infinitely long fuse, so I have trouble getting myself in that mentality. Nevertheless, I know that a good chunk of roleplayers (inexperienced, more often than not) DO associate their character with themselves. You're really creeping into the danger zone when your fellow roleplayer starts referring to their character in first person when they're just talking in OOC. I don't know if, because of them being unable to separate their characters from themselves, whether or not they assume that others are also roleplaying as a representation of themselves, but I think it's something that's a distinct possibility.


In any case, I've encountered quite a few people like that, who take IC issues personally, but I don't know if I've ever seen people be angry over it. I think once upon a time my character was REALLY bashing on someone else's characters (because my OCs are assholes), and I think eventually that person started to think that I hated them...? I might be making that up, I don't remember. What I do remember is another instance where in IC, character A had made character B really upset, and so roleplayer A freaked out and was saying that they wanted to change their post so that _____ didn't feel ____. In the end, a friend of mine and I were able to stop them from trying to break out of character with their OC. Another time one of my lovely OCs was dropped a lady's rating down from eight to seven on his "hotness" scale because she had braces and, well, now that I think about it, I don't think the roleplayer took to that too kindly...


Nevertheless, for situations like that, I just try to very clearly explain to them that my character does not equate to me in any way. They do not necessarily represent my personal feelings on anything, because (warning: treading into hippie land here) they're their own unique entity. If explaining to them that's the way my character is and that's the only way they would have acted under all those circumstances still doesn't make them understand... quite frankly, that isn't someone I want to be roleplaying with.

 

[Sunbather]

so I'll cut it short on my response to the situation.

That worked out well. (<_<)(>_>)

 

[call me rae]

I used to do something similar honestly. I was a huge micromanger when it came to roleplays and I would get called on it a lot. Thankfully I've learned to let the reigns go a bit and it's made roleplaying in general a lot more fun.


Like for instance in the situation you were in : girl freaking out because werewolf appears in her kitchen.


Instead of trying some bullshit about "he's just being friendly" which makes like zero sense.


I would have been. *straightens nerdy glasses and puts on nasally voice* Um actually Stacey would not have that kind of over reaction because werewolves are known to the public. See I wrote it into the fourth paragraph from the bottom in my five page introduction to this world.


But even then if you told me ... Yeah I knew that but Stacey's just a spazz.


I'd be like "Oh just make sure to read the plot carefully now." Cuz as I said I was a micromanging B.


Needless to say this attitude got real old real fast to other people and finally someone was just like. Look your being a controlling B and it seems more like you want to write fanfiction by yourself than corroborate with other people so I think you need to GTFO until you get your stuff together.


Total wake up call and I like to think the slap in the face I needed to really start THINKING about what I was doing. I highly recommend this to other people who are making glaringly obvious mistakes.


Example you should have told the other player :


"Look the reason my character acted like this is because from a personality and logical standpoint what happened was terrifying. She has no way of knowing that Jake is trying to be nice because objectively he's turned into a monster that could easily kill her with a single bite.


Now if you wished to be nice you [ the player ] should have had Jake give some kind of warning - A. that he was in the kitchen and B. that he was going to change. And maybe have him like wag his tail or play bow - you know puppy actions that would indicate he's friendly not about to eat her."


And that's not even touching his [the player] inability to separate his self from his character. As I find talking to people about that kind of thing a waste of breathe unless they're close friends. Cuz they get super defensive and snotty and it's not worth the trouble.


So instead just say why your character acted that way - offer suggestions for getting the response they wanted - and if that doesn't work leave.


No one has the right to tell you how to play your own characters. Whether that's a micromanging GM or another player.

 

[kou]

°°Annabella's Possibly Unwarranted Reaction°°


≈Concerning the Ignorance of Others≈

{I had a blatant need to feel cool and post a gift.}


I happen to believe that the sensitivity of others seems to often vary on the spectrum of understandable and tilt chaotically towards idiotic. Don't get me wrong, whilst RP'ing many may incorporate themselves into a character that a particular insult or action can be demeaning to their person and wound their feelings however the main point of making a character is acknowledging that it is not you.


If I were to see a fucking man transform into a carnivorous beast {I fully support Supernatural equality, whatever the hell that is} I would not be fawning over his every move, seeing as first of all:


•You're drooling all over my goddamned floor


Second of all:


•Wolves are not meant to control themselves {have you seen the movies?} and I'm pretty sure that I have the potential to be a meal.


And third of all:


•It's only logical to defend yourself.


With a whisk? Not a bad idea, she could've chosen her slipper. Given this certain scenario, any person in their right mind would react differently however this is where the thin line between character and human is drawn.


We ALL have THOSE people who seem to instantly resort to demeaning others when something doesn't work in their favor, it is exceedingly annoying however it is best to defuse the situation as quickly as possible. Let them know why you acted in such a way, kindly explain to them how you're not going to tweak it just because it's your character and they need to cease their 'but I'm Charlie Sheen' whining. If they still don't understand what you're trying to clarify, ignore them completely and hope they don't pursue or explain the situation to a moderator.


We all have those moments where things get taken a bit too seriously and I hope that the 'certain person' does not barrage you with insults in OOC {report their ass}.

 

[determinator]

I have gotten this a lot before because I tend to play abrasive characters. In those cases, the character does what they do best and shoves their foot down their throat or outright insults other people and is flippant and/or intransigent about it. . .and the partner naturally demands that I, the creator, apologize for it. I created them, after all.


a) Yeah, I "created" them, but it was less me making them into assholes and more them booting down my mind's lobby door and demanding my attention with no less disgusting behavior than they showed the characters. Characters tend to appear and I flesh them out or learn about them via question and answer.


b) nah. If someone can't differentiate me, a pretty cool dude, from the character, then that's really not my fault, and I always make a point to alert partners of the attitudes of my characters. When I say "not nice", I mean not nice. T h e y a r e n o t n i c e .


This also happens when a character that is not aligned toward romance (fandom/premade/canon or original) does not happen to like a partner's character. Of course, they can get on great as friends, but when it comes to one of my own, they could not be interested in romance, or that character, or something else they've decided on—and again, this is something I tend to lay out with people I write with, because it's the type of thing they deserve to know. My characters can be reticent, or have more priorities, or equivocate about romance because of some issue, or whatever the hell their motivation is. . .long story short, I've gotten shit about that, too. lol


I can be a bit of an ass, I'll admit that, but I am not my characters, and I warn people of these things to ascertain that they can handle them. Failure to do so beyond that point is not my fault. It's still annoying as hell when someone jumps up my ass about these things, but I've long since given up all responsibility on that front unless I legitimately did something wrong, and I am not a person to bring OOC grudges IC or vice versa. It's a trite, immature thing to do (conflating the two for petty reasons) that I can't fault these people for on any deep level—they may not understand why this isn't exactly. . .healthy.





As an aside, I hear this kind of thing is pretty common in the KRP sections of Tumblr. Every time I hear some story about this from my roommate, I'm glad I left Tumblr lol.

 

[The Creator Prime]

I feel like these situations are all a case of roleplaying to escape, type of ordeal. They invest themselves extraordinarily into their characters to the point of literal emotional attachment. Analysis aside, I am here for a reason. I'd also like to contribute to the story telling.


So, earlier in my roleplay career I spent quite some time on the downloadable social media IMVU. Not really proud about it, but hell, I spent time on there in order to kill time and meet new people. Whilst the majority of them were some strange colors, I can say that I enjoyed my time there. Here comes the infamous "but". There was also that expected exception. The roleplaying Community wasn't really the best, and this one was the prime example.


I joined some room, for some reason, and it just happened to be a roleplay thing. I was greeted with "hello", "Welcome to _", and "Dude". It wasn't really the most expected welcoming from a person I've ever experienced. Not like you'd greet someone with "Dude" on the streets, but I didn't think much of it, had no reason to. So, a solid while after having blown the minds of mortals with my invincible Writing, this dude joined my group of adventurers. He was the sort of "Daemon Lord" that we all know of.


The group had accumulated about 8 individuals, excluding myself, and they were supposed to defeat the lord of dragons (typical boss, y'know). This dude was the obvious son of Lucifer (the end boss, clearly defined with the adventure being named "Battle Against Lucifer". He transformed into a "super daemonlord" in order to defeat this shitty dragon lord. Whilst he did succeed, and in turn eat the heart and soul of him, he then was a "Little" angered when the fact that he was Lucifers son worried the people around him. Especially his, well, romance target.


Whilst it was enormously funny for me as Dungeon Master to observe, he quickly resorted to OoC swearing and verbal abuse, whatever, so on so forth. So, summary is that there was some IMVU guy who Invests himself in his character, and doesn't even follow the setting. Forgot the fact that he sort of banned me, too. It was weird, really weird.

 

[Sunbather]

[QUOTE="The Creator Prime]I feel like these situations are all a case of roleplaying to escape, type of ordeal. They invest themselves extraordinarily into their characters to the point of literal emotional attachment. Analysis aside, I am here for a reason. I'd also like to contribute to the story telling.

[/QUOTE]
Eh, I wouldn't generalize it like that. Especially when I have a lot of free time or feel down, and just need an escape, I do that too, but I still treat everyone politely (or at least strive to do so)


I think bad manners are just bad manners.

 

[The Creator Prime]

It might've been quite a generalization, but I still feel that it plays a large role in the majority of people. But, of course, that's merely my own opinion and is in no way factual.

 

[shyguy the RP addict]

all i can say is this: people will be dumb... sadly that is life.

 

[Saccharine Cyanide]

Honestly, I think it would have been perfectly justifiable for the creepy stalker werewolf to have a cup or a bottle broken over his nose. And then a call to the cops or the pound or something. What does he expect for breaking into someone's house and dropping a line like "I want to show you something,"? Sometimes they gotta learn the hard way.


But anyway, I don't take in-character stuff to heart at all. Actually I kind of like it when other characters give my characters shit, or make them angry. I encourage it. Most of the time they deserve it, because they aren't perfect and honestly maybe they need someone to punch them in the face once in a while. I mean, how is a character going to grow if they don't have people throwing punches or insults their way?


Also, characters shouldn't instantly get what they want. How boring would it have been if the girl instantly fell in love with the stalker-wolf instead of having a normal reaction? God-forbid they have to work at a relationship, albeit a creepy stalky relationship.

 

[Kenjinx]

I've seen this problem and I've experienced it happening firsthand as far as people being upset over in-character things, albeit it wasn't on this website. It really boils down to maturity, I'd say, and perhaps also with experience. Someone who's new to roleplay and character design in general may not be as used to separating IC from OOC, although it's really no excuse. Coming from roleplay within an actual video game and quitting only a few months ago, my roleplay experiences were generally more open-world and consisted of random run-ins rather than planned stories, so often times the people who my characters came into conflict with were people I didn't know, so we didn't speak much. That being said, I've had people both be mad (and I've seen it happen with people getting angry at a friend, as well) and I've had a person or two stay in generally good relations despite extreme to-the-death conflicts between characters, but the way I see it is that IC and OOC are entirely separate and that any time they begin to blend into one another then the overall quality drops and so does the chance of failed RP.