Does Gender Matter?

[Crispy Fries]

I've noticed that some people say they're bad at playing female/male characters, and I never entirely got why it would be too much of a problem. While I can understand not wanting to use characters outside of someone's own gender, I don't see why there would be so much of a difference.


At least for me, the gender of my characters is pretty low on my list of priorities. The way I see it, you can take a male character, change the name and body, and now you've got a female character. Simple as that.

 

[NemoTheSurvivor]

The way I see it, you can take a male character, change the name and body, and now you've got a female character. Simple as that.

Not really. Part of it depends on the setting. In a fantasy land, sure, gender can mean nothing. However, in a historical RP, such as a true Dark Ages, Wild West, Colonial America, or even a 1950's setting, gender does matter because of the different social norms that women were subject to (the same factor applies to race, religion, and sexuality). There's also the biological differences between men and women, and some people are just plain uncomfortable piercing that barrier, which can lead to inaccurate portrayal of the opposite gender. While I get what you're trying to say, there are a couple of obstacles against playing a gender you are not familiar with.

 

[call me rae]

I have pretty much your exact mentality however I have asked others who only played specific genders that question many times. 


Most give just a vague answer of not being sure they could portray the opposite gender, sort of similar to my inability to play super romantic roles. It's not that they don't like the opposite gender they just don't feel comfortable in their ability to write from a different perspective.


Which brings up what I believe is the actual problem with why some people only play their own gender.



They are putting themselves in their characters, sometimes to a literal degree where they are basically themselves moving through the story.


But for people who put a lot of themselves in their characters it can be difficult to portray someone from a different gender/ethnicity/time period/etc. Because the idea is you don't know how those people think/feel because you aren't like them.

 

[call me rae]

Not really. Part of it depends on the setting. In a fantasy land, sure, gender can mean nothing. However, in a historical RP, such as a true Dark Ages, Wild West, Colonial America, or even a 1950's setting, gender does matter because of the different social norms that women were subject to (the same factor applies to race, religion, and sexuality). There's also the biological differences between men and women, and some people are just plain uncomfortable piercing that barrier, which can lead to inaccurate portrayal of the opposite gender. While I get what you're trying to say, there are a couple of obstacles against playing a gender you are not familiar with.

I think what they're trying to say is in most stories the gender isn't as important as the character themselves. For instance I have a roleplay ongoing now that features a heavily race bias in that world. 


There is an entire country that is built along a rigid racial divide. One of my partners is playing the "lesser" version of that race divide. 


Now does that mean they must have faced discrimination in their real life in order to portray someone who has faced this kind of institutionalized racism themselves?


Of course not. 


The same thing, if I were to play a male in a society where women are considered nothing but breeding cows and who grew up basically treating all the women around him like they were non humans. Does that mean I must in real life be a male chauvinist?


Or for that matter to play a female in this world I must have spent my whole life being completely dehumanized by the men around me?


And while people bring up the biological argument all the time. I just don't get it. I mean think about JK Rowling she made billions of dollars and is world famous for writing an entire series from the point of view of a young male and she's a woman in i believe at least her thirties.


EDIT


And like different genders aren't different species. Men and women do not think so differently that you can't portray a well rounded character of the opposite gender. 


Taking an example I have a brother in law that in personality is near a mirror of my mother. They're totally different genders but think remarkably the same. 

 

[NemoTheSurvivor]

I took more of an issue with the fact it is just as simple as change the name and body shape and you have a different gendered character.


I specifically said that there are differences. While they aren't major differences, they are still important to mention. A typical male (I know that there's no such thing, but bear with me) would not understand how a woman's personality can be shown by how she organizes her makeup, the delicate balance of social politics that are female friendships, or even the difficulties of having long hair. In this same vein of thought, typical women (again, not really a thing outside of television) might not understand why men enjoy punching each other while spouting insults or why they have an interest in sharing stuff that smells bad. I'm glad that modern society is starting to kick these stereotypes, but there's still the residual effects that can be seen in entertainment media (which is why it's still a surprise when they casually add LBGQ+ characters).


While you could do research on the subjects, and accurate play them as a result, there are some people who do not want to delve into that territory.


As for JK Rowling, she is an adult woman, which is completely separate from a teen in high school (male or female). As an adult, you gave plenty more opportunities to break social norms and explore, while a teen is compelled to fill a certain niche in the school, and as such, feel that same pressure outside of school. Again, not implying it's impossible, but there is a mental barrier for a certain demographic of RPers, and that is probably the biggest reason less people play the opposite gender.

For instance I have a roleplay ongoing now that features a heavily race bias in that world. 


There is an entire country that is built along a rigid racial divide. One of my partners is playing the "lesser" version of that race divide. 


Now does that mean they must have faced discrimination in their real life in order to portray someone who has faced this kind of institutionalized racism themselves?


Of course not. 


The same thing, if I were to play a male in a society where women are considered nothing but breeding cows and who grew up basically treating all the women around him like they were non humans. Does that mean I must in real life be a male chauvinist?


Or for that matter to play a female in this world I must have spent my whole life being completely dehumanized by the men around me?

Where'd this come from? I don't know where I implied the character had to be a perfect representation of the player. I was trying to say that some players may find it hard to relate to their character if they are a different gender, so I apologize if I implied something more severe.


Maybe I'm wrong, and there's absolutely no reason why people refuse to play the other gender (besides the partial self insert). I would love to proven wrong.

 

[call me rae]

@NemoTheSurvivor forgive me I wasn't clear before my bafflement ( and it is confusion I would honestly love for someone to explain the reasoning behind this to me ) comes in when people assign a clear importance on BIOLOGY.


Like you can only play your own gender ( assuming you prescribe to binary genders of male and female ) because the opposite to yourself magically thinks differently purely because of their reproductive organ. I don't understand. 


I can understand where people are worried about SOCIETAL expectations. Maybe they don't think they'll be able to play the opposite gender because they won't be able to act like a  [ insert gender role here ]. But as you stated yourself not all roleplays take place in a world that is synonymous with our own. 


Which is what my second examples where about. If I made up a world with it's own specific prejudices and societal norms than the whole gender issue becomes even less relevant. Because I'm not making a world in which genders would be segregated along the same lines as they are in our actual reality and thus there is less of a reason to be concerned with playing opposite genders.


And no you aren't wrong I have had multiple people give the biology excuse before. And none of them have ever given anything close to as reasoned an argument as yourself.


I mean I'm not saying people aren't uncomfortable because they don't feel like they can portray someone of a differing life experience. That was in fact my whole explanation for why people don't play opposite genders.


So on that we're in agreement.



I just don't understand specifically the biology related argument. And I would welcome your thoughts on the issue if you have any.

 

[NemoTheSurvivor]

 I just don't understand specifically the biology related argument. And I would welcome your thoughts on the issue if you have any.

It's most likely because it isn't a valid argument. Google exists, which has helped smash through many social misconceptions about every stereotype. I for one do not believe in the biological argument myself. However, some people do, and it creates the illusion that they cannot comprehend all the differences in gender. In fact, you could say that, by using the biology arguement, the actual problem is a state of mind the prevents the person from fully realizing that there aren't as many differences as they think. So, my point was not that the biological excuse is a valid arguement, but that people use it as an excuse to not play the opposite gender. My explanation was more of an insight to what they are thinking when they claim biological differences (then I argued it because I love a good debate, but that's beside the point).

 

[call me rae]

It's most likely because it isn't a valid argument. Google exists, which has helped smash through many social misconceptions about every stereotype. I for one do not believe in the biological argument myself. However, some people do, and it creates the illusion that they cannot comprehend all the differences in gender. In fact, you could say that, by using the biology arguement, the actual problem is a state of mind the prevents the person from fully realizing that there aren't as many differences as they think. So, my point was not that the biological excuse is a valid arguement, but that people use it as an excuse to not play the opposite gender. My explanation was more of an insight to what they are thinking when they claim biological differences (then I argued it because I love a good debate, but that's beside the point).

True enough. I mean the closest proper argument I've come at for biology is again when it's a matter of self-inserts. And I don't mean this in a bad way unlike most I don't mind if you self-insert yourself into a roleplay. I just think for some people the reason they make a biological argument is because they are themselves a X gender and if they are mostly playing as a self insert they can't imagine themselves as Y gender.



Or also simple romance. I know a lot of people make the assumption that their partners are of opposite genders in order to immerse themselves in romance. And if they find out they are of the same gender it makes them uncomfortable.


Which fair enough.

 

[Umbrie]

i actually took the gender norms of feudal Japan and literally messed around with them by having a male Samurai whom after death, was reincarnated into a female body. but still identified by his former masculine identity. he knew he was a badass warrior and he still was, because he kept the memories of his prior life, and he demanded to be called by masculine pronouns. people started calling him a Rhakshasa because a Woman shouldn't have such a masculine appetite for combat. in fact, he was probably the best brawler in his home region and primarily fought unarmed, just to give himself a challenge against katana users. i mean, he still wore gauntlets and greaves. but he brawled and wrestled many Samurai into submission just to prove his male identity. the whole fun with this, is that a Male Warrior of the Bushi Caste was reborn into the body of a much lesser Ranking Female.

 

[call me rae]

i actually took the gender norms of feudal Japan and literally messed around with them by having a male Samurai whom after death, was reincarnated into a female body. but still identified by his former masculine identity. he knew he was a badass warrior and he still was, because he kept the memories of his prior life, and he demanded to be called by masculine pronouns. people started calling him a Rhakshasa because a Woman shouldn't have such a masculine appetite for combat. in fact, he was probably the best brawler in his home region and primarily fought unarmed, just to give himself a challenge against katana users. i mean, he still wore gauntlets and greaves. but he brawled and wrestled many Samurai into submission just to prove his male identity. the whole fun with this, is that a Male Warrior of the Bushi Caste was reborn into the body of a much lesser Ranking Female.

So your saying that you agree with the OP's point in that a male and a female are indistinquishable from one another and you can gender bend any character without any kind of difficulty?


EDIT. 


Do you perceive your own RL gender being of any importance to the character you play? What's your view on the biological argument? i.e. Men and women are biologically different so if you are a female you can't play a male or vice versa.

 

[call me rae]

@Crispy Fries , @NemoTheSurvivor, and @Umbrie also out of curiosity what is all of your thoughts on the concept of non-binary genders? Do you think that you can also only play as a male or a female or do you think there are more variations and you pick the one that fits your character?


EDIT. tagging is hard so sorry for spamming the thread. 


As to the answer about non-binary genders I don't disbelieve them I guess? Like I'm not entirely sure what other options are out there and what they mean but I respect another persons right to make their characters whatever kind of gender they want. Even if personally I tend to stick to boring old male or female.

 

[NemoTheSurvivor]

Playing non-binary is an option as long as that's not the only defining trait of the character. Same as any other character trait.

 

[call me rae]

Playing non-binary is an option as long as that's not the only defining trait of the character. Same as any other character trait.

Would you think this is similar to binary genders in that people perceive a non-binary gendered person of acting the same way? like I literally only know non-binary genders are a thing from CS's in like the last year or so. So I'm always curious on where they fit in the gender argument.


As presumably if someone is very attached to playing a specific mindset that they equate with a specific gender they would follow with this regardless of whether a gender is binary or nonbinary.


But I have never played with someone who used non-binary characters as an actual trait rather than just putting a random answer in the gender slot ( which is presumably what your referring to. ) 


What about you? Have you seen anything around this one way or another?

 

[Umbrie]

So your saying that you agree with the OP's point in that a male and a female are indistinquishable from one another and you can gender bend any character without any kind of difficulty?


EDIT. 


Do you perceive your own RL gender being of any importance to the character you play? What's your view on the biological argument? i.e. Men and women are biologically different so if you are a female you can't play a male or vice versa.

it isn't that male and female are indistinguishable, a huge part of Shinkuro's role came from the Sexism of Fuedal Japan and the fact he held onto the identity of his past life. it would have been worthless if gender equality actually existed in the setting. and while there are Biological diffferences, the Biological differences can be overcome with practice in a particular field. a Woman is Quicker and Can take more punishment because she needs to survive to bear her child, and a man can lift a bit more to carry things for his mate. by D&D Standards, men have +2 to Strength and Women have +2 to Agility and Constitution. but they have the same upper limit in the end, even with those bonuses. because they are human and thus can't exceed a stat of 20 like any other non monstrous humanoid race.


other than biological differences, you can end up with Women who think very much like men, or men who think very much like women, there are minor to moderate biological differences and stereotypical roles. but a Gender Bent character is generally a character who opposes the stereotypes. but the setting needs gender stereotypes for a gender bender to gender bend.


i also support Hermaphrodites and Entities with no reproductive organs at all, or creatures who seek to be a different sex or gender than the one they were born as. but i wouldn't call it non binary, you still have the XX Chromosone or XY Chromosone, but beyond chromosones, a character can have the reproductive organs of the opposite gender in addition to their own (hermaphrodite) or no reproductive organs at all (Genderless). i also beleive there is a slight bit of Truth Behind Futanari and its opposite. where female characters have male reproductive organs as well as the reverse.


because it isn't just a matter of what you keep inside your pants. but how you were raised, your chromosones, and your reaction to the world around you. you can end up with An Anatomically female character whom for all other intents and purposes besides appearance and anatomy, is male. Shinkuro is a good Example, and Exactly why i brought him up in this thread. his post Reincarnation body is anatomically female with female chromosones and a feminine appearance, but his soul is that of a masculine Japanese samurai and many of his thoughts and impulses are rather masculine, and for all intents and purposes, besides the stereotypes he refuses to follow for his new body, he is effectively a male. in fact, if it weren't for the stereotypes of how Japan Viewed Men and Women during that particular era. Shinkuro couldn't have become the character he was built to be. and he can't exist to the same capacity in a world with Gender Equality.

 

[Crispy Fries]

@Crispy Fries , @NemoTheSurvivor, and @Umbrie also out of curiosity what is all of your thoughts on the concept of non-binary genders? Do you think that you can also only play as a male or a female or do you think there are more variations and you pick the one that fits your character?


EDIT. tagging is hard so sorry for spamming the thread. 


As to the answer about non-binary genders I don't disbelieve them I guess? Like I'm not entirely sure what other options are out there and what they mean but I respect another persons right to make their characters whatever kind of gender they want. Even if personally I tend to stick to boring old male or female.

My opinion is still kinda the same. You could just take a character and say they're non-binary, then be done with it, like with what I said about male and female characters.


But, since non-binary is pretty unusual, it's sure to stick out to some degree, and it can be easy for a character who's non-binary to have that as their defining trait, since it more or less guarantees some uniqueness. If being non-binary is the only reason for a character to stand out, then it's frankly a shallow character.

 

[NemoTheSurvivor]

Would you think this is similar to binary genders in that people perceive a non-binary gendered person of acting the same way? like I literally only know non-binary genders are a thing from CS's in like the last year or so. So I'm always curious on where they fit in the gender argument.

Non-binary are strange to talk about for characters because they can fit into both male and female categories. It's like asking a lesbian couple, "Who wears the pants?" They don't fit into the "social norm" shown in mass media for the past several decades, and trying to "fit" them into a stereotype isn't going to work since there's so many variations.


Unless you feel like researching the causes of each non-binary gender, and finding enough first person accounts that can form the basis of a stereotype, your best bet is to take each one as a case-by-case basis. In fact, part of the fun is seeing how each character handles being non-binary (I assume).

As presumably if someone is very attached to playing a specific mindset that they equate with a specific gender they would follow with this regardless of whether a gender is binary or nonbinary.

Pretty much.

But I have never played with someone who used non-binary characters as an actual trait rather than just putting a random answer in the gender slot ( which is presumably what your referring to. ) 


What about you? Have you seen anything around this one way or another?

My first RP ever was a support group for single parents, and another player had a transgender character (and it seemed more than just that character's shtick). That created an interesting dynamic that I would've loved to explore had it not died in twenty posts. And that was the only instance I saw a non-binary character.

 

[Grey]

I feel like it's worth pointing out, at this stage, that from a technical or academic perspective sex is biological, and gender is social. 


Sex is determined wholly by biological factors, primarily in terms of reproductive role but there's evidence to suggest some neurological and perceptual distinctions (a study which I read recently suggests a link between sex hormones and eyesight rather than a causative factor in the visual cortex).


Gender is is determined prinicipally in a societal framework and I have seen it described as performative (I'm not certain if that idea has a lot of traction in the social sciences at large) because it is, in large part, how an individual behaves in accordance with gender norms. This is why it's increasingly considered a false binarism to definitively link it to biological sex, and adherence purely to masculine or feminine norms suits some people poorly. For those who feel the available identity labels of man and woman are inadequate to describe them, they would tend to call themselves non-binary because as yet no discrete term exists to encapulate their identity as it relates to gender norms but they do fall outside the more widely entrenched binary. It is worth noting that some cultures have or have had third genders (which may also be related to biological sex, in some cases), so this problem of terminology is inherent in certain cultural contexts such as North American or Western European cultures.*


A reason of which I can conceive that a person would find a non-binary identity preferable relates to the perfomance of norms - if one associates, culturally, ideas of braggadocio and agression with masculinity and maleness, and you identify them as male, as men, etc., this can lead you to anticipate those behaviours from them or to filter your perception of their behaviour through this bias, and as they might prefer that you are not lead to make such assumptions even subconsciously and choose to reject the label of 'man.'


Any of the points this might lead me to make, Nemo has already ably made.


*Albania has a tradition known as the sworn virgin, wherein a woman swears to a life of celibacy and masculine behaviour which entitles her to the legal and social rights of a man, e.g property ownership.

 

[jinkx]

I saw non-binary peeps mentioned so I'm here to help!! :3 
 

Spoiler

Non-binary basically refers to anyone who does not identify as male or female. It's sort of an umbrella term for people that don't fit into the gender binary. Non-binary people can actually be dated pretty far back, especially in some traditional cultures, so they have always pretty much always existed. However, most people have only started writing non-binary characters within the last few years because... I don't know, people are more aware of non-binary people now? 


A non-binary person can be masculine, feminine, a mix of both, or neither. It depends on each individual person. Every single non-binary person can identify differently, which is why they're good to use as characters. Some more masculine non-binary people will also bind their chest and/or their hips (sometimes) like a transgender person would. Some non-binary people will dress in male clothes, some in female clothes, and some in both.


Non-binary people can have a variation of different pronouns, depending on each person. Some people will use the same pronouns every day and some people will identify differently on some days and require different pronouns. Some people will use more than one set of pronouns. Personally, I use she/hers or they/theirs and I don't mind which people refer to me with. I also have a non-binary friend who accepts male, female, and neutral pronouns. But my other friend is non-binary and he only likes people to use male pronouns. So, it really is case-by-case. 


As I mentioned before, non-binary gender is an umbrella term. Other words people might use to describe themselves is genderqueer or genderfluid. If you're going to write a character outside of the gender binary, however, I think the best term to use is non-binary unless you've researched other words you think would fit your character better. 


There isn't a Wikipedia page on non-binary but there is one about different genders outside of the binary, underneath the term genderqueer. I'll link it here if anybody is curious. 

Anyway, to get back to the topic at hand, I think anybody can play a non-binary character and I don't even think you need that much research to do it. Since you can write a non-binary character as masculine, feminine, both, or neither, it really does open a whole new door for a variety of characters. Basic research might be required but everything I've listed above is pretty much all you need in my opinion. Like the OP said, I always write a character before deciding their gender. Depending on the setting, gender doesn't always have impact on how your character behaves/talks/thinks anyway. I write all kinds of characters so... Idek.


I'm gonna ollie-outtie here so, everybody have a nice day!! 

 

[Thalia_Neko]

Aside from generally not making my male characters as interesting as my female characters, I actually have a reason.


Im transgender, mtf.


Im sorry, but I dont actually want to play the male gender, when being male was such a terrible time in my life. And being a female like I am inside, is such a daunting task, that I have to really try my hardest to do so.


Theres just no real appeal for me to rp the gender I try so hard to get away from.


That said, I do have some male npc characters, with a couple male characters here and there. I just dont give them as much time or effort I do my female characters.

 

[call me rae]

Aside from generally not making my male characters as interesting as my female characters, I actually have a reason.


Im transgender, mtf.


Im sorry, but I dont actually want to play the male gender, when being male was such a terrible time in my life. And being a female like I am inside, is such a daunting task, that I have to really try my hardest to do so.


Theres just no real appeal for me to rp the gender I try so hard to get away from.


That said, I do have some male npc characters, with a couple male characters here and there. I just dont give them as much time or effort I do my female characters.

Thank you for your input.    If you don't mind perhaps a personal question ( cuz I'm nosy af ) would you say transgender characters or female characters are easier for you to create? 

 

[Thalia_Neko]

female, but i do create transgender type characters too


in fact, i usually just pretend all my females are actually transgender


thats how i look at them personally XD but it has no baring on the rp, and to everyone else, theyre just female

 

[Lord Pug]

Someone I was RPing with once told me they couldn't play the "male mentality" and I'm like, "Wtf is that?!"


It's been proven that there's no real difference between male and female brains so I seriously have no idea what that person was talking about.


Honestly, I get the social norms being different depending on gender but if you are asking me to be able to play any gender, you have to be able to play any gender.

Aside from generally not making my male characters as interesting as my female characters, I actually have a reason.


Im transgender, mtf.


Im sorry, but I dont actually want to play the male gender, when being male was such a terrible time in my life. And being a female like I am inside, is such a daunting task, that I have to really try my hardest to do so.


Theres just no real appeal for me to rp the gender I try so hard to get away from.


That said, I do have some male npc characters, with a couple male characters here and there. I just dont give them as much time or effort I do my female characters.

I'm Transgender FtM and, personally, I enjoy playing female characters a lot less than playing nonbinary or male characters. I do agree a lot with this although I can play female characters extremely easily (probably from years of desperately trying to be a "normal girl") and I often do even though I would most definitely rather play males.

 

[call me rae]

Someone I was RPing with once told me they couldn't play the "male mentality" and I'm like, "Wtf is that?!".

I think the idea of male/female mentality is again more tied to the life experiences perception than actual gender. The more I think about it the more I think it's of the same idealogy that you can't play a minority unless you actually are one or you can't play a homosexual unless you actually are one, or well you get the idea.



The thought is "I don't know what this person has experienced in terms of hardship or life experiences so therefore I can't portray them properly". This is not helped by people who can get extremely vocal in putting people down for attempting to branch out of their comfort zone by telling them they can't understand the trials and tribulations of XX type people without actually being one of them.


Now I've already covered what I personally think of this thought process ( tl:dr people are complex and limiting everyone in a group to your own life experiences is silly ) but I will say is that I think what people actually MEAN when they say this ( assuming they're not just lowkey bigots or something ) is this : 


I don't want to play XX type of person because I cannot as a writer get into the proper mentality to do them justice. 


Example. I as a female don't believe I can portray this particular type of masculine character in a believable way as I lack the framework to write from that perspective.


Or as a specific personal example, I can't roleplay transgendered people. Not because I think they're bad or dirty or have some magically different thought process attached to their gender identity. But because I know life experience is key in portraying them well and I just don't have the framework to effectively portray such a life experience well. and low key people be hella up in your business if you messup that kind of thing.

 

[augmentedspartan]

It's been proven that there's no real difference between male and female brains so I seriously have no idea what that person was talking about.

Actually, it's really difficult to prove much of anything when it comes to neurology, since the brain is still poorly understood compared to other parts of the body. Not only that, but there's plenty of data that shows there might be (again, neurology is finicky so hard to say for certain) some differences both in the physiological aspects (size of specific parts as well as difference in gray to white matter ratio) of the brain as well as the way it is used (how much grey/white matter is used per process) between the two sexes. I'm, of course, talking about the biological part not gender, since that's a different topic with neurology as well (although since the topic of transgender came up, there's also evidence that transgender people share more similarities with the brains of the gender they identify with). But it is true that these differences are very subtle, and for the most part unnoticeable.


I personally don't have any trouble making a female character, even though I'm a guy myself, but I can see why some people would prefer to stay in their own comfort zone, like NemoTheSurvivor explained. But there's also people that are just really shy with the opposite gender, and since the internet is very much an introvert's paradise, it isn't really that out there to think that there's more people like that here than one would interact with in real life. Plus, most people here write just to have fun, so I don't really think it's a big issue if some people just want to stick with one thing.

 

[ARSENIC]

Even in today's world of gender equality, it would be silly to think that the genders are identical in every way. Even biologically, there's a reason why many professional sports are still segregated. But it's more than that. Cultural upbringing has are huge part in it, as well.


Think about your average group of school-age boys vs girls. Guys will berate and insult each other in jest all the time, sometimes even coming to blows and laughing about it later. We don't mean it but that's how we bond. Girls will almost never do that. Instead, they usually indulge one another in compliments, many of which they don't truly mean either. So you get to the adult world where, culturally, boys tend to be more thick-skinned and less succeptible to self esteem issues or double-guessing themselves, while women tend to be far more subtle and less likely to chafe against authority they dislike, or be as disturbed by it. This has nothing to do with who we are and everything  to do with how we're raised, but the distinction is still hugely important in our professional lives.