Dear Insanity (RP)

The bullsh*t "religious belief" excuse Tom used was utter bullsh*t, which was aforementioned. I told myself to compliment Hyacinth later since Tom was too much of an *ss to do his assignment.


When Hyacinth pulled my name out, I felt flustered. He'd probably say something stupid that would make me blush profusely or get him kicked out of group. I was actually surprised when he didn't mention anything about our little bathroom incident, but when he said "you kiss good", I couldn't hold back the grammar Nazi in my mind muttering out "I kiss well, Hyacinth, well".


You kiss well, too. I want to talk to you more. You also have a nice voice.


I gave him a smile that didn't say anything more than thank you. If I threw something else in there, like affection or some sh*t, Finley'd be onto me or something.


I drew Kahliel's name from the hat. I remembered him from the meeting earlier in the day, but it's not like we talked or anything. I was kind of focused solely on Hyacinth. It took me a moment to find something to say and then went with "you seem nice" and "hope I can get to know you better". Even if the last part wasn't exactly true, I didn't hurt to add in something more personal.


After that little "fun" activity, the doctors turned to each other and gave us five or so minutes to converse with one another. Everyone split off from the group except me and Hyacinth. I was kind of staring at him, but it didn't matter to me anymore. I moved closer to him, keeping my voice low when I asked "what did you tell her?" I took a breath. "About the bathroom."
 
"That you came in while I was jacking off and just did your business and we happened to be washing hands at the same time. I didn't want either of us to get in trouble." I stated meekly, reaching my hand up and rubbing my dark hair, squinting as I did so. I straightened back up, smiling at him like nothing had happened earlier. I wasn't ignoring the fact that it did. I definitely wasn't ignoring it. It had happened, and we'd both enjoyed it. We just couldn't let anyone else know. "So..." I muttered, rubbing my chest and then leaning forward, resting my chin on my hand. "What exactly got you in here? You seem pretty sane to me." I asked, genuinely curious. "I mean, the event that made it final. I know you have schizophrenia and stuff." I had already told everyone this morning what I'd done. I didn't exactly feel bad about beating my brother to death... He was annoying and he deserved it. But no one else thought so but me.
 
I nodded, glad that our stories somehow matched up quite well. Whatever we had going on between us was somehow working. I gave him a light smile as he adjusted himself.


I think I stopped breathing as he asked his question. The smile was wiped completely clean from my face. I took a the kind of deep breath that gave me away as someone who dealt with anxiety as I sat straight up in the seat. It was a personal question - don't get me wrong, I didn't mind in the slightest - and I wasn't really sure how to answer it. I mean, the truth obviously, but there were no words that really just flat out said what was going on. I leaned back a little, folding my arms over my chest as I stared at the table. "It was two months or so ago," I began slowly. Tread lightly. I mean, it's not like I was treading or anything, but you get the point. I wasn't just going to dive straight into the pool. The metaphorical pool had a depth of four feet and a "NO DIVING" sign. "I began hearing and seeing stuff, like, in the middle of freshmen year. I kept putting it off, not wanting to tell my parents. They'd think I was joking or something. At the end of sophomore year, I told them exactly what had been happening. My dad thought it was just a side-affect from thinking I was gay. My parents weren't really the most excepting of my coming out, but whatever. They didn't help me. I don't even think they gave it a second thought.


"This school year starting - I'm a junior, by the way - and it actually started out pretty well. I have friends and whatnot and I played golf in the fall, so I had things to do.


"I figured out before that the voices and whatnot were more active where I wasn't comfortable, and I hated the winter, so they always showed up around that time. I was actually, like, right after Christmas during break. My parents are big Christians and everything, so they attended mass the Sunday after Christmas. Despite my atheist-ness, I was planning to attend. Church is one of the only things we do as a family. I got sick or something - like the flu or something, I don't even know - so I stayed home when they went out with my brother." I took a breath, knowing I was reaching the "highlight" of the tale. I didn't really want to relive the event or anything, but it was only once. I wasn't planning on telling everyone the story.


I started up again after a second deep breath. I shut my eyes. "I went into the kitchen to get something to drink or whatever when I just started hearing things. I remember what some of them were saying, but the one that comes to me most of the time is in the voice of my brother telling me that I'd be better off dead. It was my head and right next to my ear" - I unconsciously ran my hand down the side my head - "and just chanting at me. "Do it, Mackenzie. Just do it. Kill yourself. End it all." I was freaking out, you know? I couldn't stop it and they weren't going away and I was f**king scared out of my mind. I went to the bathroom in our guest wing since it was the closest, right? I splashed my face a few times, hoping it would help. Obviously it didn't, seeing as I'm here. I was going nuts. I sat down, hugging my knees to my chest, rocking back and forth like an idiot. I don't even remember cutting myself. When I woke up in the hospital, my arms were covered in gauze or something, and I had an IV in my arm. I just remember my arms hurting like a b*tch."


I scoffed, shaking my head. "I told the doctor what happened when he made my parents leave the room. I told him about the kitchen and the bathroom and my parents not giving a sh*t about what their f*g of a son was doing. He talked to them and stuff and they said they wanted to have me committed or something. You know? I haven't seen my dad since then. I mean, I shouldn't have thought that he was going to come back. Why should he care what happened to his failure child? Sebastian was the best thing that ever happened to them, and I was just the kid they shouldn't have had.


"My mom and Sebastian came almost every day until January, when I was moved into the psychiatric ward. Apparently being involved in politics and crazies didn't seem like a good mix to my dad. I'm pretty sure he's the reason they stopped coming.


"She still talked to the doctor though, and me, but it was all over phone. She told me I'd be coming here because it would be easier on me. I could focus solely on this and have a helpful environment."


I blinked a couple times, continuing to watch the table before looking back up at Hyacinth. "Yeah. That's about it."
 
My facial expression changed several times throughout his story. I was really sad that he'd had to go through all that. We had very similar stories, only mine started younger and involved less self hate. "Oh, wow," Was all I could manage. I just wanted to wrap him in a hug and tell him everything would be okay, even though I knew it wouldn't. This was a permanent residential facility. He'd never get out. "I'm so sorry," I stated, trying to make my eyes look sympathetic. I didn't really know how to do that very well.


"Okay guys, we're gonna turn the TV on and let you stay up until 10 tonight. You can continue talking, and we'll be at the nurses' station. Medication will be distributed in ten minutes." Dr. Kandula said, eyeing me and Mackenzie suspiciously. I glared back and then turned to Mackenzie.


"I don't even know if there are enough words to express how bad I feel for you... I'm just sitting here, a murderer and I don't even care and you had to deal with all of that... And you care, it must be so hard!" I stated, my eyes kind of wild. I put my hands together and rested my elbows on my lap again, leaning forward.
 
I actually winced at his apology. He didn't do anything. It wasn't his fault. I mean, I guess that it wasn't mine either, despite the fact my father believed so. It's easy to believe what you hear when it's being said every day at every chance possible. I kind of shrugged, if you call it that.


I glanced over to the doctor as she spoke then turned back to Hyacinth. I didn't need sympathy. I didn't want pity. I gave him an awkward look, half grimace half smile. Why the hell was I smiling? "Can we just, like, change the subject? I don't really want to talk about it." I bit my lip, adverting his eyes as I glanced back to the table. The plastic surface seemed to hold some sort of interest as I stared down.
 
I blinked. "Oh, yeah, sure. Uh... What do you want to talk about then?" I asked, twiddling my thumbs. I adjusted my position so that I was now perched in the chair on my toes. I glanced around the room. The other three patients were all talking to each other, Tom laughing loudly and Sarah looking just plain embarassed. Kahliel just sat there, his face blank. "Oh, I know. Let's talk about our plans to get out of here. You're coming with me, by the way," I started, grinning like a shark. "I like you, so I'm going to take you with me. When I get out of here I'm going to start a following, and we're going to overthrow the government. I'll be the ruler of the new world!" I held my fist up in the air, a maniacal laugh coming from deep in my gut. "We're gonna blow this place up."


"Hyacinth, sit normally in your chair." Kandula snapped at me. I glared over at her, baring my teeth.


"Shut the f**k up," I hissed, then turning back to Mackenzie and opening my mouth to speak again.


"Hyacinth, I said--"


I stood on the chair, pointing at her. "LISTEN TO YOUR GOD!" I shouted, growling as the other doctors stood. "All of you belong to me!"
 
I blinked when Hyacinth mentioned escape, watching him warily. It might have only been my first day - call me ignorant, I don't care - but I really wasn't sure what we'd be escaping from. I mean, obviously we'd be escaping from Lilith, but it wasn't like there was reason to. I'm a newbie here, so don't shoot me or anything, but I felt like Hyacinth was more or less overreacting. This wasn't hell. Well, maybe not yet. I didn't know anything besides the fact that patients probably weren't supposed to kiss each other, or, like, do anything more than that.


But that was obvious, right? Especially after the little meeting in the bathroom.


I was about to say something when the lady freaked out at him because he wasn't sitting "properly". Like, really? If we escaped or something, I wouldn't miss that; rules that seemed to made up for some reason. Hyacinth swore at her and turned back towards me before she interrupted again. He jumped up and started spewing more nonsense about being god and whatnot. I stood up and grabbed the hand he was jarring at her, pulling it towards me. He glanced down at me as I opened my mouth to speak. "Come on, just sit down. She might not let you stay if you're yelling at her." I glanced at the doctor who was watching me with no expression on her face.


How nice.
 
"You don't understand, Mackenzie," I muttered, still looking over in the doctors' direction. "when you have power like mine, people shouldn't disrespect you. Watch." I stood on the ground and walked over, behind Dr. Ilia. "This is what happens when you don't listen to God." I placed one hand on the back of her head and one on her chin, giving her neck a sharp twist. There was a sickening crunch and she crumpled to the ground, her eyes and mouth wide open. I laughed, a deep, guttural laugh that grew louder by the second. Mackenzie and the others looked horrified. I stood in the middle of the room, just laughing, and I raised my arms. "Kneel to me!" I shouted, and then I felt two different pairs of arms grabbing mine and dragging me towards the door. "Kneel!" I felt a hand over my mouth and nose, and suddenly I was having trouble breathing. I gasped inward and inward but couldn't let any air out, and then my vision went fuzzy and everything went black.
 
I pulled my arm back, watching Hyacinth as he walked over toward one of the other doctors. I'd have to ask Finley for their names, since I only knew a couple of them.


My mouth opened into a gape as Hyacinth snapped her neck, my eyes wide in horror. Oh. My. God. He just killed her.


I couldn't even move. My jaw was hung and I swore I was frozen in place. Some of the doctors advanced on Hyacinth as he continued yelling, dragging him from the room, leaving the rest of us behind. I don't know how long I stood there before Finley came up behind me and lead me back to the room. I walked, more or less leaning on him, replaying the incident over and over inside my head. I knew that he was capable of murder, he had said that he killed his brother, but I didn't think it would happen right in front of me.


Finley sat me down and then took a seat next to me, his hand on my knee. "Mackenzie, are you alright?"


I blinked slowly and then blinked again before I looked up at him, my eyes still bigger than normal. "She's dead, isn't she? Hyacinth killed her?"


The doctor leaned back, resting his back against the wall as he sighed. I turned my head to look at him, trying to understand what he was thinking. For some reason, the doctors were hard to read. "Yeah, he did," Finley told me. Well at least he wasn't lying.


I took a deep breath and leaned forward, resting my head in my hands. I didn't know what to think. I was in that stage of shock, you know? I wasn't processing anything.


"Mackenzie?"


I didn't look up as I spoke through my hands. "Is it possible for you to leave? Or do you have to stay?"


I felt the bedding next to me tense up. "I'll stay as long as you want me to."


"Then leave." I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath as I watched the doctor die over and over again in my mind. I could feel him getting up from the bed, standing up on the linoleum. "I'll bring you medicine by in a minute or two, then I'll be out of your hair."


I thought about thanking him, but I had used up enough words for the day. I sat there staring down, listening to the repeated crunch of her breaking bones echoing in my mind, until Finley came back with water and a couple pills. I downed them and handed it back to him, standing up so I could lay under the cheats.


After he shut the door, the light clicked off. I stared up at the ceiling for what seemed to be forever before I fell asleep only to be gifted with nightmares of the day.
 
I woke up, my body slumped against a wall, a grate under me. The instant I felt the imprints on my legs, my eyes widened. "No, no, no no no," I whispered, standing up and banging on the door. I was in the Heater. "No, no, let me out!" I cried, tears falling from my eyes. "I demand you let me out!" I sobbed, my power craze wearing off immediately. I looked through the survival window, seeing Dr. Kandula sitting at the control panel and grinning at me like a shark. "Please, let me out of here!" I was begging now. And Hyacinth didn't beg. Well, at least not when he wasn't in here. I've been in here 12 times in my time at Lilith, and every time left me almost dead due to dehydration.


Kandula turned the knob and I heard the furnace below me shudder to life and begin pumping heat through the grate. It was already getting hot in here. Kandula continued turning it until she couldn't turn it anymore. Oh god, no. She had never done full heat before. Drops of sweat began trickling down my faces and every part of me was moist, the heat quickly pulling out all the liquid inside me. It was amazing what a few minutes in extreme temperatures could do to a person. I was on my hands and knees on the burning hot grate, my skin being singed. I panted, using one of my hands to wipe the sweat off my forehead and put it in my dry mouth. But it didn't work. It just came right back out. And next thing I knew, I was collapsed on the ground, my eyes completely dried out and staring up at the ceiling.
 
When I finally came to my feet were poking out from underneath the blanket and I was shivering like a b*tch. I quickly pulled my legs to my chest, hoping that the heat from my torso would warm up the rest of me. The never-ending dreams had left me covered in a cold sweat and the sheets damp. I sighed and closed my eyes, willing myself to go back to sleep. I had no idea what time it was, but it didn't feel like I had gotten a full nights sleep.


After a while I realized my brain wasn't planning on letting me get another lick of sleep. It kept bringing things up, things that I didn't want to deal with, so I finally sat up and leaned against the wall with the blankets curled around me.


I wondered what happened to Hyacinth, but I imagined when I saw him next we'd talk about it. If I saw him again.


I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. He killed that lady. I honestly couldn't get it through my head, no matter how many times I told myself. That doctor was dead and Hyacinth was the one who killed her.


I thought to myself about what they would tell her family. They couldn't just be like "Oh, yeah, some kid who thought he was god kind of just snapped her neck - sorry for your lost" could they? I shook my head, burying my head down into the nest of blankets. No, that was too cruel.


I cringed. Hyacinth was cruel too.


What if I got on his bad side at some point and he tried to kill me? Or wore, succeeded?


I shivered at the thought and shook my head again. No, I wasn't going to think about that. I didn't want to think about that.


I shut my mind down as I leaned against the wall, my head supported by the blanket along the wood. I shut my eyes and tried to fall asleep, emptying my mind of all thoughts.


I finally fell back asleep.
 
I woke up in my cot with an IV in my arm, pumping fluids back into my body. I still felt dried out, like a fish out of water. Kandula was sitting in the chair at my desk, her legs crossed and tapping her toes on the ground as I groaned, like it was music to her ears.


"Glad to see you're awake, thought I killed you for a second." She chuckled, standing up and walking to my bedside. I didn't have enough energy to respond. "You only lasted about ten minutes in there. Any God could beat that," She leaned close to my face and whispered. I instantly felt angry. But there was nothing I could do but lay there and let her taunt me. "He's dead, you know. Mackenzie." My heart literally stopped for a second.


"What?" I croaked. Had I killed him, too, and I didn't remember it? All I remembered was breaking Dr. Ilia's neck and then being dragged out... I didn't remember what happened in between...


"You killed him last night. Remember? After you killed Dr. Ilia." Oh god. I had, hadn't I? What little tears were inside me began flowing out and I let out a strangled sob.


"Why didn't you stop me?!" I cried, still quiet but louder than I had originally been. "I loved him!" I added, not intentionally meaning to. And where had that come from, anyway? I didn't love him... I found him attractive. But I guess I was still loopy from the lack of water.


"You moved too fast." She explained, stroking my hair.


"Don't touch me," I whined, gasping for air and then continuing to cry like a baby. What the hell had I done?!
 
I woke up again, still slumped against the wall. Finley was sitting in the chair towards the corner of the room, glancing over some paperwork or something. It looked like paperwork, anyway. He was shoving things into folders and then taking others out.


I moved forward, stretching myself out and away from my cocoon of blankets. Finley looked up to me and set the files down, watching me carefully. "How are you doing this morning?"


I yawned, positioning myself so I was sitting Indian style above the sheets. "I'm okay." What else was I supposed to say? "Yeah, I'm great. It's an everyday that you witness murders, you know?" Yeah.. no. That was definitely not an acceptable answer.


He leaned forward so his jaw was resting in his palm. "How do you feel about last night?"


I looked away, glancing towards the wall opposite me. "Indifferent, I suppose. I don't really feel anything."


"Are you still in the state of shock?"


"I just can't believe he killed her."


"Then that means yes."


I glanced over at him, giving him that disappointed look he gave me from time to time. "Sure."


He jotted something down on the notepad on his knee and I looked away.


I wanted to know if Hyacinth was okay, but I was too scared to ask. I leaned back against the wall and pulled my knees to my chest as Finley told me the day's schedule.
 
"Shh," Kandula whispered, still super close to my face and her hand still in my hair. "You won't see him in group today. You're not going to hurt anyone else, now, are you?" She muttered, her voice sounding oddly menacing. Like she was feeding off of my weakness. I shook my head, turning it so that I wasn't facing her anymore. She only moved so that she was there even closer than she had been. "Good, good boy..." I felt her hand on my chest, slowly trailing down until it rested over my crotch. My eyes snapped open and I slapped her hand away with what little strength I had.


"What the f**k, you pervert!" I squeaked, looking at her in shock. She seemed surprised by my sudden retaliation.


"Look who's talking after you raped Mackenzie!"


"I didn't rape Mackenzie!" The mere mention of him was enough to send me back into hysterics, my body making sounds and trembling like I was crying but my eyes refusing to let tears pour. "Get out of here!" I demanded, my voice returning to its normal strength. She nodded and grinned.


"I have to talk to Dr. Finley, but I'll be back... Hyacinth." The way she said my name made me feel disgusting. What the hell had she done to me while I was sleeping?!


I didn't really care anymore, though. I was just pissed at myself. No, more than pissed. I was furious and I wanted to die. You f**king murderer! The voices echoed in my head, making everything seem even more real. I had killed Mackenzie. And for some reason, that made me want to take my own life.


I'd never cared about killing before. It was just a fact of life for me. I murdered, I felt no remorse. But Mackenzie was different. He was my friend.


Dr. Kandula stepped into Mackenzie's room. "Can I speak with you for a second, Dr. Finley?" She asked, waving slightly at Mackenzie. When Dr. Finley followed her out of the room, she began to go on and tell him about Hyacinth's punishment. "You need to keep Mackenzie from going to group. Do whatever you have to until I transfer him to the adult program."
 
When Finleh came back in the room, he told me we weren't have group today.


"Why?" I asked, pushing myself towards the edge of the bed so that my legs were dangling down.


"We're a little short handed now," he told me as he jotted something down on his notepad.


I gave him a wary stare. I'm pretty sure one lady dying - being killed, whatever - wouldn't leave the entire staff short. Sure, they were a man down, but who cared?


"Well, since we don't have group, you should take me to see Hyacinth. I want to see how he's doing."


Finley just shook his head. "He's facing the consequences of his actions today. Yesterday wasn't a good day, Mackenzie. Hyacinth killed Doctor-"


"It wasn't hit fault!" I cut him off, moving so I was standing less than a foot from him. "It's not his fault he doesn't think straight like "normal people" do. That lady was the one that started! She's always edging him on! If you want to blame anyone, blame that b*tch! Why the f**k are there rules about sitting?! Are you trying to take away EVERYTHING from us?!"


My yelling left me panting for air and I backed up, punching the wall with the side of my fist.


"I know you're upset, Macken-"


"I'm not upset," I muttered, interrupting him again. "I'm f**king pissed." I sat down on the edge of the bed, leaning forward to rest my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands. "If you wanted to help people, you should have found a different profession, Finley. All you do here is suck the life out of people who have been torn up enough already by diseases. You treat a cancer patient like this? A kid with down syndrome? No! You don't care, because all we are are crazy people that someday, you won't have to deal with anymore." I shook my head, cursing at the ground. "If I can't see Hyacinth today, I'm won't participate in anything until I do. Now leave, I don't feel like talking to you."


Finley just sat there for a moment, not moving, then he started to shuffle his papers together before leaving the room. I hoped he took my ultimatium to heart. I meant it.
 
Dr. Kandula returned to my room and, with that same evil grin, told me it was time for group. "I'm not going." I insisted, tears staining my cheeks. Now I was more angry than upset.


"You're going to go and face the emptiness in that room, or else I'll send you to the grate room again." Kandula's stern voice commanded, and I instantly shrunk back in my bed. I shakily stood and followed her out to the dayroom. I looked through the survival windows on the doors in the YA hall as I passed by the rooms, and I could swear I saw Mackenzie looking out and meeting my gaze. But I knew I was only hallucinating. That was all my life was anymore. Things no one else could see or believe but me.


Dr. Jules looked confused as to why I was here and Mackenzie wasn't, while Finley and Kandula just glanced at each other with a knowing look in their eyes. "Okay, now that everyone's here, we're going to start with a breathing activity for anxiety. Here's how it works..." Dr. Jules went on to explain something I honestly didn't care about, and I wasn't listening. I just looked at the empty chair where Mackenzie should've been. I can't believe I killed him.
 
When time rolled around when group should have started, I saw Hyacinth walked back my door. I swore he looked right at me. I groaned, laying back on the bed in frustration. This sucked. Today just sucked.


I fisted my hands togethe as I pressed them against my face, grumbling out swears about random doctors in the building. I hated this.


Besides, I wanted to walk around or something. Being cooped in here was only going to leave me more antsy than I already was. I left my book in the dayroom, so I couldn't read or anything. The other ones were probably stacked up in Finley's office or something. I groaned again, smacking the wall with another side handed punch.


Escape might have seemed outrageous yesterday, but it was on my mind now more than anything else.


I stood up. Screw it. If they weren't going to have to have group, I wasn't going to loose anymore of my sanity. I fixed the hem of my pants so it was straight and left the room, closeing the door behind me softly. I headed towards the dayroom, hearing voices.


I thought group was cancelled?


When I entered, the group was there talking about breathing exercises or some sh*t. I narrowed my eyes, walking behind thema good distance and picked up my book, holding it under my arm as I neared Finley.


I glared at the back of his head. "I thought you said group was cancelled."


I looked around, watching the rest of the group looking at me. That b*tch doctor was glaring at me as hard as eyes could, but I'm pretty sure my gaze was colder. I looked away, meeting Hyacinth's eyes.


He seemed to be in shock. I blinked, glancing back down to Finley. "What the hell is going on?"
 
His voice seemed too real to be a hallucination. Mackenzie was standing right here in front of me. "I thought I killed you," I whispered, and everyone just looked at me like I was crazy. I stood from my chair, walking over to where he was and poking his shoulder. He was f**king there. "I thought you said I killed him!" I shouted at Kandula, who looked extremely angry and flustered. "You f**king liar!"


"You had to face the damage you'd done!"


"I've done no damage at all except to your stupid team!" I felt my anger building up, but this time I knew I had to control it. "And you don't even care! You're going to have a replacement in a matter of days!" I shouted. Then I laughed. "You know what, I should've gone after you! That way you wouldn't have lied and freaking molested me!" Dr. Finley even seemed shocked at that.


"I did no such thing," She laughed, looking nervously at the other two doctors and then back to me. "Stop lying, you're just in a psychotic state."


"I know what I'm talking about! You threw me in the Heater last night and nearly baked me to death and then when I woke up you put your hand on my d**k! And you f**king told me that I had killed Ilia AND Mackenzie! And guess what? He's right f**king here!" And I'm so glad.
 
Finley didn't have a chance to answer me before Hyacinth walked over towards us, poking me, and then freaking out.


I blinked a couple times, not fully understanding what was happening. At least Hyacinth cleared up. "I thought you said I killed him! You f**king liar!"


She barked back at him until he snapped back, spewing out words like vomit. She molested him?


By the look on her b*tch face I'd say it was true. It wasn't a look of anger because he was wrong, it was because he was right. I took a deep breath and Finley stood up next to me, moving closer. I was glad, actually. I had something to keep me supported.


I looked up towards his face, noticing he had the look of anger as well. It wasn't right or wrong anger, just anger.


"You told me I killed Ilia AND Mackenzie!" Hyacinth seethed as I watched him. "And guess what? He's right f**king here!" He took a few deep breaths as I clenched my hands into fists. Finley placed a hand on my shoulder as he moved away from my side and forward towards Hyacinth and Doctor B*tch.


"Why would you tell him that he killed Mackenzie?" He asked. His voice was softer than I've heard it before, like he was actually hurt. "You said you were moving Hyacinth to the adult program because of yesterday, not because of Mackenzie." His eyes were narrowed, little black slits of hatred.


Okay, maybe I liked Finley more than I lead on.


"And you touched him? You assaulted a patient?" Finley just shook his head, muttering to himself what I liked to think were curses. That b*tch deserved them.
 
(Dr. B*tch xDD I love that.)


"I did not--" She cut herself off midsentence. I guess she figured there was too much proof to even bother denying it anymore. "Okay, yes, I told him that he killed Mackenzie. Just so that he could feel some degree of regret!" Kandula hissed. "Otherwise he wouldn't care at all! He's a psychopath and a murderer and shows no remorse for either! He's the one with the problem!" She wasn't even talking about touching me. Maybe she just didn't have enough to say in her own defense. "He got what he deserved and was going to continue getting it until that other f*g walked in," She spoke through gritted teeth, glaring at Mackenzie.


"Don't call him that," I growled, my fists balled and my thoughts becoming fuzzy. No. I had to control my anger this time. I couldn't risk getting thrown in the Heater again.


"Why shouldn't I?" She barked back.


"Because you're the one who touched me!" Now I was getting pissed. "I think that's a bigger problem than being gay."


"Shut up!" Kandula instantly lunged towards me, her fist making contact with my jaw. I staggered backwards, my anger boiling up inside of me as she continued to throw punches.


(sorry it's short, I'm kind of fuzzy right now D: )
 
Before I knew it, I was springing up next to Hyacinth while Finley pulled the b*tch off of him. My face was glazed over in hate, the animosity fierce in my eyes. How dare she touch him. Apparently she touched him earlier, but that was touching. She had no reason to hit him, or touch him either, but you get my point.


B*tch needed to keep her hands to herself.


I pulled Hyacinth's hand towards mine, holding it as Finley and one of the other doctors led Dr. B*tch out of the dayroom. The lot of us were standing there, wondering what the hell just happened. After a moment or two of watching Finley talking to some of the other people outside the door, they took Dr. B*tch with them as she left.


I subconsciously tightened my grip on Hyacinth's hand as Finley walked back in, glancing back and forth between us all. "We're going to have a half hour break. You can stay in here until then." He nodded, more to himself than anything, and looked straight at me before leaving the room again. He was talking to a couple of the others outside the door, glancing in here once and while as he spoke.


I let go of Hyacinth's hand and moved to stand in front of him. I was shorter than him, but it wasn't a huge height gap or anything. I glanced up slightly, looking him in the eyes. "She touched you?"


What a stupid question, Mackenzie. Obviously she touched him. He just f**king said that.


I didn't say anything back. If I did, it would only lead into some sort of freak out, and the absent god knew none of us needed any more of those.
 
I nodded, biting down on my lower lip as I felt my eyes well. I was standing here, in front of Mackenzie. Who wasn't dead. I didn't kill him. Next thing I knew I had my arms wrapped around him, my face pressed into his shoulder and tears streaming from my eyes. "I thought you were dead!" I cried, surprising myself by how emotional I was when it came to this dude I had met and f**ked and mentally scarred yesterday. "I thought I killed you!"


You still killed someone. Psh, I didn't care about her at all. She was just like my brother. In the way. Sure, she hadn't done anything to me except subtly disrespect me, but still. She deserved it. Mackenzie didn't. He didn't deserve to have me kill someone right before his eyes. I sure felt bad for that.


(sorry it's short.)
 
I stood there for a moment, not exactly reacting to what was happening.


He's hugging you, dumb *ss. Return the gesture.


I wrapped my arms around him, holding the back of his shirt. I was grabbing the cloth, pulling and tugging it into my hands. I rested my head against his upper chest, grasping at the material of his t-shirt. "You didn't, I'm right here," I muttered, holding him tightly. "Nothing happened, I'm fine."


Nothing happened? Nothing happened?! He f**king killed that doctor!


I meant with me, you idiot! I could care less if that lady died!


This wasn't getting anywhere, I was just yelling at myself. I sighed, taking a deep breath as I inhaled his scent.


I didn't want this to end. I wanted to hold him. I mean, I didn't exactly like that fact that he was appearing to be weaker than me, but it came with the situation. I also wanted to kiss him. I wanted him to kiss me.


And since Doctor B*tch was gone, that might not a be problem.
 
I quickly regained my composure, standing up straighter but keeping my arms around Mackenzie. I quickly used one hand to wipe the tears off my face and cleared my throat, trying to play it off like I hadn't broken down in front of everyone like that. I turned my head and pecked the side of Mackenzie's, enjoying the feeling of his warmth against me. Just being here with him was soothing.


And then it occurred to me that I was thinking of him as more than a f**k-buddy. I was thinking that I actually loved him. That could not happen. I pulled out of the hug and smiled at him, walking back over to my chair and sitting down, my elbows resting on my knees and my hands together over my mouth. I stared at the floor. What the hell was I doing? I couldn't put trust into anyone here! "F**k." I muttered, covering my eyes with my fingers and letting out a deep breath. What was wrong with me?


I mean, there's nothing wrong with being gay. Some guys like c*ck. That's fine. I, however, did not. So I'm not sure why I was thinking like I did. I looked up and over at Mackenzie, who was still standing there, appearing to be a little hurt.


Tom was sitting in his chair with his mouth agape, staring at me like I had just killed someone. Wait, bad joke. "Go be I'm uncultured somewhere else." He snapped at me and Mackenzie, causing me to send a sharp glare over in his direction.
 
When Hyacinth pulled away, giving me that sickening "I'm sorry" smile the kids at school give you when your grandma dies, I wanted to die. What did that mean? I didn't move from where I was standing, glancing over towards Hyacinth as he ran his hands over his face, staring at the ground as if it was the most interesting thing he'd seen all day. I gulped audibly when he muttered something to himself before looking at me again.


I didn't want to appear like I was a kicked puppy. I pulled myself together after Tom made his asinine comment and walked over towards the back of the room, the table farthest away from Hyacinth's. Okay, maybe I wanted to seem angry. I don't know. I don't even know what I was feeling besides that fact that I was too confused to care. I sat down and crossed my legs, leaning forward onto the table as I clutched my book in my hands. I didn't know what was going on with Hyacinth, but I wanted to. Was this him pushing me away? Was I reading too far into it?


I groaned internally, laying my head on the table facing the opposing direction. I felt like I was going to get hurt again, except this time it would be by someone who actually understood.
 
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