Story Crimson Rose - A Vignette

Mr_DC

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The gunshots rang out in deafening succession, the staccato cracks echoing through the dense forest. Rose's large ears flattened against her skull as she cringed, paws clamped tightly over them in a futile attempt to block out the thunderous noise. When the barrage finally fell silent, she dared to open her eyes once more.

Only moments before, merely being robbed had seemed the best outcome she could hope for. Surrounded by a pack of leering bandits, each new suggestion of what vile acts to subject her to more depraved than the last, the young Ciri had been paralyzed with dread. But then that first gunshot cracked from somewhere unseen in the trees, and chaos erupted.

Rose wasn't sure exactly what happened after that first shot - just a blinding flurry of muzzle flashes amidst the trees and dull thumps as bodies crumpled to the forest floor.

Rose's amber eyes tensed as a figure materialized from the foliage, appearing and vanishing like a specter between the tree trunks, steadily drawing nearer. For a disorienting moment, she struggled to make sense of the stranger's appearance. At least until she recognized the masked helmet, its eye visors glowing a faint emerald, a rebreather built into the front where the mouth should be. A tattered duster trailed behind them, the pale fabric muddied yet remarkably reminiscent of Rose's own sandy fur. Beneath it, military-grade armor - archaic by Epsilon's standards yet distinctly utilitarian.

"Oh," she breathed, her ears perking up as a smile spread across her feline features. "You're an Outsider!"

The figure paused as they stepped onto the dirt path, slinging a rifle over their shoulder. "Yeah...hi," the woman muttered in a gruff contralto as if her voice were tinged with far too many years of smoky cantinas.

"Thank you for saving me!" the Ciri bubbled, still grinning from ear to ear. "Wow, you guys really are there when you're needed."

"I was tracking them for a few days now," the Outsider said, beginning to examine the corpses. "Luckily, you were there to distract them. Appreciated."

With that, the helmet came off, revealing a woman with short, raven black hair and eyes to match - dark and unflinching. No hint of expression crossed her features as she procured a small case from one of the bandit's bags.

"Wait, so I was just bait for you?" Rose's brow arched with a hint of offense as she approached. Though the Outsiders were no threat to civilians - only those who preyed upon them - the woman's candor struck a nerve.

"No," came the dispassionate reply as the woman glanced back at Rose. "You just made me attack sooner rather than later." With that, the Outsider turned to melt back into the forest once more. But Rose quickly darted around to block her path, surprisingly fearless considering her recent ordeal.

"Well, regardless - thank you." Rose cocked her head with a sly grin. "And you know...I think I'm going to tag along for a while."

For the first time, the Outsider's stony visage cracked, a confused eyebrow arching ever so slightly. "You're...what?"

"You heard me!" Rose returned a cheerful smile. "I'm Rose, by the way."

The Outsider's eyes narrowed. "I'm not looking for company. What are you even doing here?"

Rose shrugged again as if wandering alone through the perilous frontier were the most normal thing in the world. "Just wandering."

"Just...wandering?" the woman repeated incredulously. With a shake of her head, she sidestepped Rose and continued on her way.

But the Ciri was not so easily dissuaded, quickly falling into step beside her rescuer. "There's a lot of interesting stuff out there! And I feel like I'll find a lot of interesting things with you!" Her tone remained stubbornly chipper. "So what's your name?"

"You don't need my name," came the quiet reply. "I'm just an Outsider."

"Well, I'm gonna need to call you something if I'm gonna come with you." Rose flashed a sly grin. "And it doesn't seem like you're gonna do much to stop me."

A pause. A weary sigh. "They call me Crimson."

Rose couldn't stifle a laugh. "Oh! I'm Rose, you're Crimson! Hah!"

The woman's lack of amusement was palpable. "Yeah..."




This is just a short piece of writing I did and I actually feel happy enough with it to share for the first time in forever. Please let me know what you think, any kind of critique or opinions are welcome :)
 
*Excellent* stuff! The opening was cinematic and stuffed with detail, but not too an overwhelming, purple prose-esque extent; your diction was marvelous and contributed to the progression of mood from a foreboding, chaotic atmosphere (the "staccato cracks" and "leering bandits" coming to mind) to a gruff, slower pace, with Crimson's "contralto" tone offset by Rose's undissuadable enthusiasm for making a new friend. I also like setting up the scene for the greater lore of this world, wondering about Epsilon's nature (another organization in opposition to the Outsiders, perhaps?); as I said, the little details were very well-done. Lovely read!
 
Thank you so much! That's very sweet feedback, really made my night. I'm slowly writing similar pieces set in the same world and I might share some more just because of your comment!
 
Glad to hear! Good luck with your future writing endeavors; if this is any indication, you've got a lot more great stories in store!
 

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