Character Critique Thread

So. Sam's powers. I apologize in advance for geekery. I teach physics for a living, and I can't help but noodle around with how powers mesh with the 'real' world. Basically I subscribe to James Kakalios's idea of how comic books should respect their readers: you get miracle exemptions to have the powers, but the world has to still work the way it normally does otherwise. 


Super speed is a particularly interesting case, as is teleportation. I won't touch upon the physiology, as that is a cosmetic choice that is embedded into the history.


Moving faster that the eye can perceive is harder than it sounds. My visual field in my classroom encompasses a little over ten meters.  You would have to cross into my peripheral vision, through that space and back out of peripheral field in well under a thirtieth of a second in order to not be seen at all. (25 to 30 frames per second is minimal frame rate to look natural to the eye, and the eye does not 'shutter' like a movie camera, you would probably need to get under a hundredth of a second to get through without at least a blur.) 10 meters in one thirtieth of a second is about the speed of sound. That's not even the hard part. The hard part is that you have to get up to 3 times the speed of sound and back down to zero again in a tiny fraction of your 1 hundredth of a second travel time. That involves an acceleration in the ballpark of 100 thousand gravities. In other words, if Sam weighs 140 pounds (as you note) the force required to get her up to speed in the available time is 14 million pounds.  It gets worse: the third law means that whatever she is pushing off of has to experience that same force going the other way. She may have situational super strength and toughness to survive that force, but I guarantee her sneakers don't, nor does the floor if she is barefoot.


Don't worry. Aaron has even worse problems since he weighs in at 890 septillion pounds. Identifying the problems is the key to finding cool loopholes.


First miracle loophole: She only needs to become so ridiculously strong to achieve those accelerations because of inertia. So we change her inertia! When she goes through a burst of speed, let's suppose that her mass briefly drops to zero, or near enough to allow small forces to cause very large accelerations. This means that with the barest effort, she can accelerate to Mach three, corner as tight as she likes, and stop on a dime.  It also means that if she trips and runs face first into a brick wall at mach three, she just stops as if she bumped a wall at a slow walk instead of turning into chunky salsa and destroying the wall. Easy to start means easy to stop.


This leads to one last issue: Wind. If she is so light she can twitch her muscles and hit mach 3, then a light breeze could blow her off course. And don't get me started on the headwind. So. Second miracle loophole: Her fur realigns the charge polarity of gasses as she moves through them, reducing the viscosity to zero, allowing her to slip 'between' the air molecules with minimal resistance. (Some effort would still be required to separate the air, but it would flow smoothly around her causing minimal wind from her passage, and no sonic boom.) This would also prevent build up of potentially lethal electrostatic charges in your fur. (Yay!)


Obviously you are free to ignore all of this, but it seems like having a good physical model, especially in a free form role play with no dice, gives a much better idea of what your character is (and isn't!) capable of doing.


Some thoughts on how this changes the practicalities of the power: You would only be able to 'sprint teleport' in short bursts, basically line of sight. You could free up some points from agility for energy (Or whatever) because you wouldn't need to have hyper reflexes; it would be much more like teleportation: blink and you're there.  


I like that it makes your fur an integral part of the power as well; this would make a nifty limitation too! If she were ever shaved then 'porting becomes very hard because the wind would slow you down and throw you off...


This would also make it basically impossible to carry somebody with you, unless you could somehow cancel their mass as well.


It does interfere a little bit with your history, because you couldn't run into somebody sprinting and hurt them; you don't weigh enough while sprinting. This is for the best though. If you did hit somebody at mach three, you would both die horribly. Game over, in drippy red font. However the history can be finessed easily enough: Have her pop up in his face, startling him so much that he falls over and concusses himself on the pavement, or has a heart attack or something. I like the heart attack idea because it goes with the whole 'haunted house' theme.  


Another thought. What if the energy reserve for making jumps was relatively small, but recharged very rapidly. This makes two interesting changes: first you would have to rest briefly after every 5 or 6 hops, but second, when the reservoir is full you HAVE to jump to drain it. So you literally couldn't hold still for more than a five or ten minutes at a stretch. You would have to zip around the room every now and then to blow off the excess energy. This is not physically necessary, but seems in character and fun.


TL;DR: To maneuver at such speeds, weigh nothing while you do. To avoid being blown over while weighing nothing, part the air with your fur electrically.  (Which could cause an ozone smell instead of brimstone!)
 
So. Sam's powers. I apologize in advance for geekery. I teach physics for a living, and I can't help but noodle around with how powers mesh with the 'real' world. Basically I subscribe to James Kakalios's idea of how comic books should respect their readers: you get miracle exemptions to have the powers, but the world has to still work the way it normally does otherwise. 


Super speed is a particularly interesting case, as is teleportation. I won't touch upon the physiology, as that is a cosmetic choice that is embedded into the history.


Moving faster that the eye can perceive is harder than it sounds. My visual field in my classroom encompasses a little over ten meters.  You would have to cross into my peripheral vision, through that space and back out of peripheral field in well under a thirtieth of a second in order to not be seen at all. (25 to 30 frames per second is minimal frame rate to look natural to the eye, and the eye does not 'shutter' like a movie camera, you would probably need to get under a hundredth of a second to get through without at least a blur.) 10 meters in one thirtieth of a second is about the speed of sound. That's not even the hard part. The hard part is that you have to get up to 3 times the speed of sound and back down to zero again in a tiny fraction of your 1 hundredth of a second travel time. That involves an acceleration in the ballpark of 100 thousand gravities. In other words, if Sam weighs 140 pounds (as you note) the force required to get her up to speed in the available time is 14 million pounds.  It gets worse: the third law means that whatever she is pushing off of has to experience that same force going the other way. She may have situational super strength and toughness to survive that force, but I guarantee her sneakers don't, nor does the floor if she is barefoot.


Don't worry. Aaron has even worse problems since he weighs in at 890 septillion pounds. Identifying the problems is the key to finding cool loopholes.


First miracle loophole: She only needs to become so ridiculously strong to achieve those accelerations because of inertia. So we change her inertia! When she goes through a burst of speed, let's suppose that her mass briefly drops to zero, or near enough to allow small forces to cause very large accelerations. This means that with the barest effort, she can accelerate to Mach three, corner as tight as she likes, and stop on a dime.  It also means that if she trips and runs face first into a brick wall at mach three, she just stops as if she bumped a wall at a slow walk instead of turning into chunky salsa and destroying the wall. Easy to start means easy to stop.


This leads to one last issue: Wind. If she is so light she can twitch her muscles and hit mach 3, then a light breeze could blow her off course. And don't get me started on the headwind. So. Second miracle loophole: Her fur realigns the charge polarity of gasses as she moves through them, reducing the viscosity to zero, allowing her to slip 'between' the air molecules with minimal resistance. (Some effort would still be required to separate the air, but it would flow smoothly around her causing minimal wind from her passage, and no sonic boom.) This would also prevent build up of potentially lethal electrostatic charges in your fur. (Yay!)


Obviously you are free to ignore all of this, but it seems like having a good physical model, especially in a free form role play with no dice, gives a much better idea of what your character is (and isn't!) capable of doing.


Some thoughts on how this changes the practicalities of the power: You would only be able to 'sprint teleport' in short bursts, basically line of sight. You could free up some points from agility for energy (Or whatever) because you wouldn't need to have hyper reflexes; it would be much more like teleportation: blink and you're there.  


I like that it makes your fur an integral part of the power as well; this would make a nifty limitation too! If she were ever shaved then 'porting becomes very hard because the wind would slow you down and throw you off...


This would also make it basically impossible to carry somebody with you, unless you could somehow cancel their mass as well.


It does interfere a little bit with your history, because you couldn't run into somebody sprinting and hurt them; you don't weigh enough while sprinting. This is for the best though. If you did hit somebody at mach three, you would both die horribly. Game over, in drippy red font. However the history can be finessed easily enough: Have her pop up in his face, startling him so much that he falls over and concusses himself on the pavement, or has a heart attack or something. I like the heart attack idea because it goes with the whole 'haunted house' theme.  


Another thought. What if the energy reserve for making jumps was relatively small, but recharged very rapidly. This makes two interesting changes: first you would have to rest briefly after every 5 or 6 hops, but second, when the reservoir is full you HAVE to jump to drain it. So you literally couldn't hold still for more than a five or ten minutes at a stretch. You would have to zip around the room every now and then to blow off the excess energy. This is not physically necessary, but seems in character and fun.


TL;DR: To maneuver at such speeds, weigh nothing while you do. To avoid being blown over while weighing nothing, part the air with your fur electrically.  (Which could cause an ozone smell instead of brimstone!)

I can reply again. Thank god. T.T


Anyways, I'll mull over this before I make the official edits. I can see where you're coming from and totally want to have things more realistic with Sam's powers so the fur thing sounds awesome. Weighing nothing also would make sense so my poor Sam isn't dying when she clumsily loses her balance, which she does quite often due to her physiology being a weakness, too. I can easily adjust her history to say she terrified her poor boss and they panicked (let's say it rained outside and the parking lot was down a slope behind them), resulting in the poor boss falling backwards, hitting their head, and then dramatically rolling down the hill while Sam's coworkers rushed to her boss' aid while Sam was like, "And I'm outta here!"


Well. I guess I mulled things over with myself here. Right. I'll go make the edits now. xD
 
Another thought. What if the energy reserve for making jumps was relatively small, but recharged very rapidly. This makes two interesting changes: first you would have to rest briefly after every 5 or 6 hops, but second, when the reservoir is full you HAVE to jump to drain it. So you literally couldn't hold still for more than a five or ten minutes at a stretch. You would have to zip around the room every now and then to blow off the excess energy. This is not physically necessary, but seems in character and fun.

Gunna say I'm against this one idea, though. It just sounds like it'd be beyond irritating to deal with on a daily basis and I want her to not have to be moving all the time like that. This is the only tidbit I have trouble with, though. I do really like all of the other ideas.
 
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Right, so I edited my CS accordingly. Let me know what you think of the updates. I edited her superpowers section including weaknesses, and fixed up her history.
 
Still waiting for coffee to kick in, but I will take a look after I get to school. Glad you found suggestions helpful. Burning off excess power would definitely be troublesome, I was aiming for interestingly troublesome, YMMV as they say. Hope you get approved! (we semi humanoid mutant applicants gotta stick together.)
 
just a quick reminder to the GMs that Manami has been languishing in limbo for almost two months now. 


Also an open invitation to critique her to any other interested parties.


i have substantially revised her history and would appreciate feedback. My goal for her now is to write her so unobtrusively you hardly know she is there. The default style is third person limited omniscient. I want to esperiment with straight up third person with her. 


If approved, I have a scene almost fully formed in my head. No sinking boat, no dramatic entrance, just a tiny family showing up at Riley's desk meek and mild and apologizing for their limited English. 


PleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseIhavewaitedsoverylongandImisshavingasecondcharactertowritepoatsforandIpromisetobemuchmorecarefulwiththisoneandnotletherdie!


@welian


@Suzuki Mine


@Teh Frixz


@Swoob
 
I like bird girl. Personality seems to be a bit of a study in contradictions though. Dynamic tension between traits is one thing, but those seem a bit too much at odds, if that makes sense. Maybe combine shy and excitable into ambivert and add an additional trait? Perhaps Curious? That would fit well with other aspects.


Ooooh! Maybe trade out 'calm' for 'unflappable' with the same description, because it doesn't contradict excitable so much, and also because puns are awesome.  


Also, keep in mind that most supers are C or D rank, and get increasingly rare as you go to B, A, and S.  I have it on good authority that you are much more likely to get approved as a C or D than for higher ranked characters.  My suggestion would be to knock both agility and intelligence down to four and make her a D rank instead of going for a second B rank.


That would still make her superhumanly smart and strong, plus she flies. That is super enough to be interesting to write. She doesn't need to be spider man on top of having wings, you know?


Also, it would mean you'd have enough CC points to add her for episode 4, assuming you get three more posts in by then to meet the five post rule.
 
I like bird girl. Personality seems to be a bit of a study in contradictions though. Dynamic tension between traits is one thing, but those seem a bit too much at odds, if that makes sense. Maybe combine shy and excitable into ambivert and add an additional trait? Perhaps Curious? That would fit well with other aspects.


Ooooh! Maybe trade out 'calm' for 'unflappable' with the same description, because it doesn't contradict excitable so much, and also because puns are awesome.  


Also, keep in mind that most supers are C or D rank, and get increasingly rare as you go to B, A, and S.  I have it on good authority that you are much more likely to get approved as a C or D than for higher ranked characters.  My suggestion would be to knock both agility and intelligence down to four and make her a D rank instead of going for a second B rank.


That would still make her superhumanly smart and strong, plus she flies. That is super enough to be interesting to write. She doesn't need to be spider man on top of having wings, you know?


Also, it would mean you'd have enough CC points to add her for episode 4, assuming you get three more posts in by then to meet the five post rule.

Yeah, I do notice the contradictions there. I definitely love the unflappable idea and the puns. xD And curiosity would be a great trait for Lara. I can definitely combine shy and excitable into ambivert. 


Hmm, okay. I shall adjust her to a C rank instead. I like to think she's gotten really good at her flying over the years so she'd have pretty good agility to match her skills, especially since she can make tight turns while flying. I only had the agility high because I was using it in terms of her flying ability, not her ability to, like, parkour around. ^^'


And yess, I've got two posts in already. I would absolutely love for Lara to join up in Episode 4. If I recall the numbers correctly, I only need one more since I still have two more points left over from creating Sam. 
 
RIght, one more would do it. Talk to @Captain Hesperus though for a case study in how excruciatingly long it can take to get one more point. We have a little less than a hundred posts to go to get another one in episode three. I am not sanguine about that happening within the next three weeks, but you never know. If you go for D rank you are already there, and practically assured of admission. Basic power set, low level hero, willing to edit given feedback? I am no GM, but I would put the odds at pretty good, and probably less wait than Sam had. 
 
RIght, one more would do it. Talk to @Captain Hesperus though for a case study in how excruciatingly long it can take to get one more point. We have a little less than a hundred posts to go to get another one in episode three. I am not sanguine about that happening within the next three weeks, but you never know. If you go for D rank you are already there, and practically assured of admission. Basic power set, low level hero, willing to edit given feedback? I am no GM, but I would put the odds at pretty good, and probably less wait than Sam had. 

Honestly, there's really no reason for Lara to be physically strong at all beyond her agility with flying. I can drop her strength down to one and then drop her agility down to 5 to balance it out so she'd be at the top tier of a D rank super. 
 
Okay, edited the personality section and power stats for Lara. How does it look now?
 
In terms of the physics, your wings would have to be ridiculously strong to lift human body weight with wing span of 14 feet


IIRC the estimate for what it would take for people to fly includes a 25 to 30 foot wingspan and a 8 foot long breastbone to anchor them to for leverage.


Remember, an olympic gymnast gold medalist still only has agility of 3. 4 is pretty damned amazing, compared to normal humans.


I might go 3 strength, 4 agility 3 intelligence. 


3 intelligence includes Albert Einstein and Stephen Hawking.
 
In terms of the physics, your wings would have to be ridiculously strong to lift human body weight with wing span of 14 feet


IIRC the estimate for what it would take for people to fly includes a 25 to 30 foot wingspan and a 8 foot long breastbone to anchor them to for leverage.


Remember, an olympic gymnast gold medalist still only has agility of 3. 4 is pretty damned amazing, compared to normal humans.


I might go 3 strength, 4 agility 3 intelligence. 


3 intelligence includes Albert Einstein and Stephen Hawking.

Right, I'll eventually understand these numbers better. >.<


Okay, yeah, that'd be a ridiculous wing span for Lara to have lol. Guess we're going to give her some more strength then. xD


That all makes plenty of sense to me so I shall make the change and adjust the numbers accordingly. ^^
 
Looks solid to me. You forgot to change the rank from C to D, but otherwise pretty good. Not sure about the 'raven' genes, as mutants are not hybrids in this setting as far as I am aware, but that is a question for @welian


I would say she seems nicely flavorful and interesting.
 
Looks solid to me. You forgot to change the rank from C to D, but otherwise pretty good. Not sure about the 'raven' genes, as mutants are not hybrids in this setting as far as I am aware, but that is a question for @welian


I would say she seems nicely flavorful and interesting.

Okay, I'll go back and change that...


The raven genes are mostly my wording for her. I could take that out if it would make things sound better. ^^


Thank you. :3 I wanted to get a bit more creative this time around in comparison to my first one being the typical moody teenager with family problems.
 
@Gus I approve of Manami, if you can find a way to make it a little more clear in her stat table how her stats fluctuate.


@too much idea Are you still interested in trying to get Tomoko into the roleplay?


@Lazy Rocktime Same deal with Kuroky, you still want me to review him?


@St Stare I eagerly await the completion of Wade's profile when you return.


I'll get around to the rest of you at some point.
 
@Gus I approve of Manami, if you can find a way to make it a little more clear in her stat table how her stats fluctuate



Separated the table into two columns for clarity. Hope that helps?


On land she has total of 12 or 13 depending if she is enraged.


Under water she gets four more points boosting intelligence will agility and strength with a double boost to strength when raging for totals of 16 and 18 respectively


I'd rate her about a D3 on land and a C5 in her element, if I were commonwealth.
 
@The J


Character committee was looking Hadrian over earlier today. Here are some thoughts we kicked around:


Given the imperfect regeneration, maybe dial his strength health and defense down a bit, and increase will to compensate? (Or even reduce him a rank. Lower rank characters are more common and easier to get approval.)


The thinking here is that the way you describe him he is more like John McCain (Die Hard) than Wade Wilson (Deadpool)


I see the connection to regeneration and super strength mind you, wolverine has superhuman strength because the healing factor makes working out incredibly effective.


But what you describe is unique, and that is a good thing. Maybe make him a twisted mass of scar tissue with strength, defense, and health just barely over the human norm, but a crazy high will stat to indicate his enormous potential to push himself to go on in spite of terrible pain and horrific damage. And there is cost to that. Due to imperfect regeneration, he'll never fully get better. Just good enough to go on.


How's that sound?
 
For general comment:






In particular, I want to know if the stats make sense to anybody that I have NOT already explained her concept in detail to?


I am trying to work out a standard way in the AEGISverse to express stats for 'multiform' characters. The idea is the rank is set by most 'powerful' form, but I am wondering if it is clear outside my head?
 
@welian Actually, I am going to put the idea of Kuro on hold because there just happened to be a more engaging idea coming to a character submission forum near you. You guys don't really need to critique him anymore than you already 'ave.
 
@welian Actually, I am going to put the idea of Kuro on hold because there just happened to be a more engaging idea coming to a character submission forum near you. You guys don't really need to critique him anymore than you already 'ave.

I'll go ahead and move him to the Dismissed section for now, then.
 

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