Other Being Gay in The "South" Rant

[Hunnyhelp]

This is going to be a poorly written rant, and I hope by writing this I am not over exaggerating things that aren't really that big of a deal, but I digress.


Being a closet gay in the "Bible Belt" is the most frustrating emotionally draining trainwreck ever possible in the modern developed world, not only do you have to constantly check all your mannerisms (that have nothing to do with being gay, just who I am), liking crossing my legs when I sit down, rotating my wrist, not liking sports, writing and caring about my hair; in fear of being asked if I am gay. Which if I was to be asked that question, it would be physically impossible for me to lie (due to the "raising" my father gave me, it is very very hard for me to tell even the weakest of lies), therefore I would just have to awkwardly change the subject, giving myself away and possibly endangering my entire social life/actual life.


Not that other people are the worst part of being gay in the conservative part of America, in many cases it is often the family. The family that doesn't know you are gay, the family that very often talks about how much they hate gays, especially my father (who thankfully no longer lives with me). Case in point with him, when I posted something as a gay joke on Facebook, he threatened my life and liberty when I spent the night at his house, not because I was gay, but because I mentioned that it is possible to be gay, yeah, fun.


So there is my semi-rant that I made many grammatical mistakes in, and left out several details I might include at a later date.


Edit: tag change at close look of the rues

 

[Never]

I don't like lying, lies - they're just necessary sometimes. The truth isn't worth telling. And yeah it sucks that it seems no one is accepting, I let it out on the internet and no one knows irl. I do it for a more peaceful and safer life. I wish you the best bro, I hope you'll be alright and can find someone in the same jar as you because you'll never let them go.

 

[Clear]

Yes. Yes. So much yes.

 

[ManicMuse]

I cannot relate entirely to your situation but I can relate to some of it. Remember that you are never alone in this world. There are many in similar situations. I once had a police officer tell me, on his zillionth visit to my house, "Once you turn 18 your life can change. Life is not suppose to be like this. You can make it be different." Those words suck with me for years. In my case, I left the area I was raised in, that part of my family and never looked back.


I am following my dreams in an area surrounded by people that accept me for who and what I am. I never have regretted it because I believe love should be unconditional. The simply fact that those people could raise me and not accept me for what I am, was a clear sign it was not unconditional. Never ever feel ashamed of yourself and never feel the need to explain or justify your actions to anyone that operates from a place of hate. 

 

[Clear]

It would seem to me that ones decision to remain "in the closet" because they are "in the south" would be a decision based on stereotypes of his/her own. 


I mean do you hear yourself? 


Saying you pretend to not like sports because you might be near christians? 


Saying you oh can't let the christians know you're a writer. 


Sounds like the streotyping of southern christians to me...


Ask youself: Is the south and christians holding you back, or is it your own streotypes? 


Signed, 


A southern christian who has never questioned anyone about being gay based on their interests alone 

Coming from a family of deep-rooted southern Christians, I can say that many things aren't just stereotypes. Being threatened to be disowned and hated because of your sexuality by southern Christians is more than enough to be fearful to me, let alone being threatened with your life. Not everyone is as understanding as others, and while I agree that it isn't fair to assume everyone would treat you unjustly because of it I also know from experience that it isn't always worth coming out until you know how the other party feels. I'm not being harsh here myself or attacking Christianity, because I personally don't think it is the religion. I'm simply stating that these things do happen, and they happen more often then some might think. Being cautious shouldn't be confused as simply stereotyping.

 

[Clear]

Is it all southern christians you should be talking about, or is it intolerant people in general? 


MOST christians you ancounter on a daily basis probably give you no second thought or trouble. 


Not all southern christians are intolerant, but all people who you just described are intolerant. 


Thus, it's still a stereotype. Use the right associations, and it won't be.


Southern, Christian =/= prejudice 


and if that's your criteria for deciding when someone must be prejudice then you are stereotyping. 

Not everyone is as understanding as others, 

I apologize for not elaborating on this subject the first time, but I assumed you'd understand what I was saying.


Apparently not. 


I know not all southern Christians are prejudice, but many of the ones I have personally encountered are, including family. Many people who live in the south aren't as open minded towards any form of homosexuality regardless of their religious beliefs, just as many people are accepting of it, but most of the ones I have met that are hateful towards it are Christians. So yes, from experience, I'd say being cautious is a good choice to make if you aren't aware of their opinions or feelings towards it. 

 

[Clear]

I know that it is still stereotyping, but that isn't what I'm trying to get by. Being cautious is the safe route instead of automatically assuming that every person ever is going to be accepting of our sexuality, especially since many people like myself have had bad experiences with it. I mean, really, how do we know you're tolerant to this sort of thing? We don't unless you say it, and I doubt you say to every person you meet, "Hello my name is Enuky and I don't care if you're Gay, Straight, Bi or an Apache Helicopter". As I've said before, it's not always worth opening up to people who could possibly hate you for it and much, much worse. 


I'm sorry if any of this has offended you, I'm happy that you're tolerant, but I am not sorry that I choose to be alive, happy and safe.

 

[ManicMuse]

I do not lived in the South, I have visited it a few times. However, I will say, I have lived in Las Vegas. 


 At that time, I had recently had a child and was looking for some Mommy and Me groups. My friend suggested one that takes place at a church but the groups was not suppose to be religious in nature.  


I dropped my daughter off at the nursery and proceeded to the event area for the mothers. I  had a great time with the other moms. It was fun, I was ready to sign right up right then and there. Then it was time for the speakers. 


One of which was the lady who had been sitting across from me during the tea time. We had a great time chatting. 


She then gave a 35 minute speech on how gays and bisexuals were all manner of evil, damned, confused and so on. 


The crowd whooped and cheered for her at the end of her talk.  


I felt so sick to my stomach. If only she had known she was talking about me in that speech. If only they all had known.  I left right after and never looked back. But trust me when I say, its not my job to warn people of what I am, nor do I hide it. I am not one that sterotypes but I have been met with a lot hate masked as love alot in my life. 

 

[Hunnyhelp]

I don't like lying, lies - they're just necessary sometimes. The truth isn't worth telling. And yeah it sucks that it seems no one is accepting, I let it out on the internet and no one knows irl. I do it for a more peaceful and safer life. I wish you the best bro, I hope you'll be alright and can find someone in the same jar as you because you'll never let them go.

It's not I don't believe in lies, it's that I am such a terrible liar that everyone can tell I am lying.


And as a Southern Christian who happens to be gay, I am in no way against the religion or anyone that follows it, but I am not going to risk my life on the off chance someone I meets thinks the homosexuality is wrong, and they need to tell my parents so I can "pray the gay away" therefore ruining my life.


Stereotypes have nothing to do with it, it was what I have encountered several times


As a note: I am not trying to contiue the argument, just stating how I feel as the person that wrote this rant originally.

 

[adrian_]

Seems that you are a bit Stuck. I feel sorry for you, not in a sarcastic sense, either. I genuinely (Although usually don't show emotion.) Feel rather sorry for you.


Very sorry if I offended you in any way.

 

[Overlord Chou]

Depends on what part of the South you hail from I guess. Where I came fro was not a big deal. Hell got gay family, I still love them as family. Sorry about your woes though.

 

[Versailles]

Nah. I don't think you're overexaggerating.

 

Not that other people are the worst part of being gay in the conservative part of America, in many cases it is often the family. The family that doesn't know you are gay, the family that very often talks about how much they hate gays, especially my father (who thankfully no longer lives with me). Case in point with him, when I posted something as a gay joke on Facebook, he threatened my life and liberty when I spent the night at his house, not because I was gay, but because I mentioned that it is possible to be gay, yeah, fun.

This! I can totally relate to. Something similar happened to me. My mom likes to add my friends on Facebook because she's nosy like that, but that's not what really annoys me. When my friend posted "lol im so gay because etcetc" (I don't even remember what he said) what he said was obviously a joke, in my eyes at least, but my mom took him literally and later she asked me "Is (my friend's name) a gay person?" and telling by her facial expression and tone of voice I could tell she wouldn't be happy if I said yes. I laughed because it was just so stupid. Because one: she took a joke literally, and two: why does it matter?

It seems like everyone in my family has the same exact mindset. Gays and liberals should die, and people who aren't white are terrible, they talk about it almost every day. And I laugh and pretend I agree. I admit that I'm a pretty big coward. But they don't need to know. I'll leave the responsibility of confessing to them when I marry someone of the same gender in the distant future when cutting contact from them is a possibility and I don't have to be around them. Not that I really want to, I love them, but I think it's obvious that they wouldn't love me as much anymore if they knew I had a preference for the same gender. 

I'm bisexual. I don't live in the Bible Belt, but I live in the conservative, suburban Catholic family part of New York. Everyone thinks there isn't one, because New York is known to be generally very liberal, but, yeah! It exists.