Asuna Minokato

[MinnxxyXXI]

Name: Asuna Minokato


Age: 19


Height/Weight: 5’4” / 128 lbs


Body type: Curvy and busty.


Scent: Cherries and/or berries of sorts.


Texture (i.e. of hands, skin, etc.): Soft, feet are slightly rough from constant walking.


Clothing style/frequently worn clothes: Normal work attire for a leather smith, but dresses nicely when away from work.


Eye color (list synonyms): Ocean Blue


Hair color and style (list synonyms): Plain White


Other distinguishing physical traits (2 or 3 unique tags, specific to only that character): Large hips and thighs. Birthmark on her whole left side (starts under her left breast and makes it’s way down to just below her hip) Her pure white fox ears and tail. Her ears are nice and long while her tail is lengthy while fluffy.


Action tags (i.e.scratching head, nail biting, etc.): Nail biting, biting her lower lip.


Verbal tags (i.e. “My, my,” “Huh?” etc.) (also list speaking style: talkative, soft-spoken, loud, formal, accent, fast,etc.): “My, oh, my~” - Soft-Spoken and formal. “Darn it.”


Physical imperfections or something would most like to change: She has a very very slight wobble to her step, her left leg being slightly longer than her right.


Race/Ethnic group: Caucasian


Years of schooling: ----


Any special occupational training: Leather smith, Blacksmith training from her mother and father. HIGHLY SKILLED!!


Occupation: None.


Past Occupations: Leather smith Apprentice with her mother, Black smith Apprentice with her father


.:MENTAL AREA:.


Skills, Abilities, and Talents: Amazing Leather smith and Blacksmith


Personality Type (Include Archetype): Creator


Admirable personality traits (strengths): Hard-Working, Entrepreneur, Virtuoso


Negative personality traits (weaknesses): Stubborn, Selfish at times, hates constructive criticism.


Quirks or eccentricities (off beat manner of behavior, dress, or speech that is peculiar to a person and distinguishes them from others): Is very playful and childish, but can become mature in an instant. When she’s working she tends to keep her attire related to her work. (overalls, leather belts for tools, etc.) At home, womanly attire, etc.


Things that cause anger: Judgment, criticism


Method of handling anger: Takes deep breaths and looks over her work while asking questions about it.


Things that cause embarrassment: Men, being complimented, encouraged


Method of handling embarrassment: Biting her lip, blushing heavily, swaying her tail rapidly while slouching her ears.


Fears: Humans and other “non-animal” like beings.


Method of handling fear: None currently.


.ersonality:.


Bad habits or vices: Bites her nails, sometimes to the point of them falling out. (Wraps her fingertips in bandages if they do)


Prejudices: Humans., Religion


Pet peeves and/or gripes: Constant questions, being ignored and/or left alone.


Sense of Humor: Moderately, yes.


Philosophy of Life: Life life as much as you can before you lose it all.


Physical illness or affliction: ---


Hobbies/Interests: Working with leather, metal, crafting, art.


Favorite Foods: Buttery Buns, Banana’s, Lamb.


Favorite Books: None currently.


Favorite Color: Velvet like Red


Favorite Place: Forest areas


Item(s) special to character: Her mother’s pure gold necklace. It has three hearts with three diamonds, one in each heart.


Person/friend close to character: ----


Description of home, home life, and economic status: No home currently, quite poor.


Brief family history: Asuna grew up in a small village in the northern region. (50+ Kitsune and neko people) She spent most of her life learning the way of leather and metal with her parents. She was taught about humans but never thought something would happen just like the stories she has read about in school. Her village was slaughtered while she was about 10. She hid underneath her bed to avoid detection, though she watched her parent’s get slaughtered like animals. This tragic event caused her to go mute for some time, not being able to speak while watching her parent’s die made her afraid to speak at all.


Most painful experiences in character’s past (to prove why they act the way they do): Watching her parent’s get slaughtered along with the rest of her village.


Character’s goals (What they want)(Their biggest dream): To become a very well known “artist” with her leather work.


Character’s motivation (Why they want the above goal): She wants to show her parent’s that she kept going and she didn’t let their death slow her down.


Character’s conflict (What is keeping them from their goal): Nightmares and constant self-judgment of her work and herself.


.:IMAGES:.

 

[Civetta]

Body type: Curvy and busty.

You know a character is ready for anything when this is their Body Type is Curvy and Busty.


I will feedback from top to bottom. In all honesty; however, I think 'Avarage' would be a more appropriate for body type. All Curvy and Busty is really just saying is that the character is appealing.





My main concern in all of this is that this could be condensed in a much more organized way, that makes it more appealing to view and understand as a reader. Listing is fine but there is a lot of information here that's just spread out and it really feels like I have to search for information about your character to really learn about them.




The texture bit is a tad much but it does put forth the character trait of being a character that walks often.

Profession is established in the Clothing description.

Distinguishing traits include, Large hips and thighs... Again, you don't need to verify that her being appealing as something that makes up her character. Her actual character is being overshadowed by bashing the reader with how sexually appealing she may be. The ears and birthmark are fine. Pretty average traits though.


Avoid making a character that is attractive in order to be interesting unless it's directly for an underlying motive to their character or it's apart of their profession. Being attractive is okay but making that the character does not make for an interesting flow.

Place the characters picture at the top to establish how she looks since you're practically establishing factors of her that we already know. We can see that she is busty, thick and curvy. It does not have to be written in.


Action/Verbal Tags are interesting concepts. This does a good job of establishing to a reader what they see and imagine your character doing. However, Nail biting and lip biting are usually forms of nervousness and sexual tension. I'm under the impression that her being sexually appealing is part of her character at this point.


I do like how you establish that she is not perfect however, I was starting to become afraid. She had a sort of limp or imbalance walk which, for a blacksmith, is okay. However, you have established that she does walk a lot. I would think this imperfection would have been a hassle or at least not helped her situation at all.


Her profession is Leathersmith. The "HIGHLY SKILLED!" bit is pretty crazy but it's minor.

Occupation: Searching. You've established that she has a skill set that fits this Occupation of blacksmith or leathersmith so perhaps she is searching for it or does it in her free time for any friends or travelers she meets?

----------------------------


MENTAL AREA... I suppose this means her intellectual skills?


You say she is amazing at Leather/Black smithing. However, you should establish what it is that makes her so great? What has she created? What was the difficulty of them and why? What made it so difficult?


"Personality Type: Creator" Usually someone may put 'introverted' or 'ecstatic'. I can't really picture a personality type of 'Creator'.... But the "Admirable/Negative" traits are pretty great. Here I can actually see a bit of character and not just a picture of a plain lewd neko. Admirables are solid. Negatives are pretty great as well. Inflated ego she has, which suits her well.


However, the Admirables and Negatives are then sort of on a double-edged sword because, while it does establish that she can become serious in an instant, it can't help but feel a bit out of place that she is a Hardworking, and Virtuoso type while being a childish and playful-type. It can work but it might be a tad confusing for some to understand. Then you Establish 'Attire related to her work'. Yet it was established that she had no Occupation. This is a tad of an inconsistency as usually Occupation attire is directly affiliated with a type of work. If she has a Work Attire, then she must have a place she goes to where she would need to wear such things.





Again, the listing is becoming almost unbearable as all of this can simply be established in a short tale about this girl. Judgement and Criticism makes her mad. Pretty straight forward....


Things that cause embarrassment... Men?... Any male that enters her sight causes her to frantically become embarrassed for no apparent reason at the age of 19. Is there a reason behind this? If there is, it NEEDS to be established otherwise she's just another lewd neko to me. "Being Complimented" We know she has an inflated ego and hates criticism. However, being complimented is a criticism, but a positive one. This is another inconsistency. If anything, she loves getting compliments and it inflates her ego even more and would not make her embarrassed. Also, being Encouraged makes her embarrassed... I don't understand this one frankly.


"Method of handling Embarrassment"...


Okay at this point you may as well put that she is your average Sexually active & Nervous Neko Girl.


The traits listed here are completely off topic and are already established further up. What about her method of handling anger, sadness, joy, distress? It is very difficult to string together a character when they're bound to acting only a certain type of way because it's listed. Her method of handing how she feels should be based around what she is doing at the current time and not listed as if that's the only thing they'd do. Thing's like this completely undermines a character and makes them a little more one-dimensional instead of being something more.


Also, "years of schooling" The time she spent learning with her parents can fall under that category.


Fears

"Humans and everything else with a heartbeat."


Unless their male? Then she'll become infatuated with them, embarrassed?


There has to be more things she fears other than this... We've yet to establish what she's been through or what makes her this great smither. Why is she the way she is? What made her like this? You can list as many traits and physical characteristics she has as much as you wish to but it won't give her a story. It won't give us a reason to enjoy her character.


"Constant questions, being ignored and/or left alone."


So she likes to be with someone but not have them ask questions.


This is an interesting motive but with what is established so far, it doesn't fit her character.


"Philosophy of Life: Life life as much as you can before you lose it all."


Favorite Foods: Buttery Buns, Banana’s, Lamb. (What happened to the barriers)?


Item(s) special to character: Her mother’s pure gold necklace. It has three hearts with three diamonds, one in each heart. (I assume this is to symbolize herself, her father and mother?)


"Her village was slaughtered while she was about 10. She hid underneath her bed to avoid detection, though she watched her parent’s get slaughtered like animals. This tragic event caused her to go mute for some time, not being able to speak while watching her parent’s die made her afraid to speak at all."


I won't take off points for this but you know what I'm going to say. If you've read Shauna Vayne or Sauskes tale from Naruto and League of Legends, both had their families killed. Sauske's entire clan was killed. This has a bit of both in it with a bit more of an extreme, it being the whole village. Yes, this is a traumatic event, though we don't completely understand why it happened and Asuna never really tries to find out why? She just kinda leaves it at that and never mentions it again. This kind of incident does not craft the character that you came to create. This does not make for a childish, playful, nervous, sexually tensioned 19 year old Smith with a impeccable body. It would make for a more interesting tale if she ventured to find out why or even if when she hid under the bed, she was found and then her parents were killed in front of her and she was let go and she never learned why.


_________________________________________________________


Final Critique





2.8/10


The character itself is completely misunderstood as a whole. There isn't really any motivation for a lot of the stuff she is doing and it just does not add up, especially with the lack of backstory after the incident when she was 10. It is 9 years later and we have learned nothing about her other than she is a childish, playful, nervous, sexually tensioned 19 year old Smith with a impeccable body. There are a lot of details that are repeated again and again as if the reader missed them that are easily viable from the image that you've provided. I'm giving this a 3/10 score due to the amount of detail that overall was just sort of there to be there. It seemed a lot like you had written this character multiple times and then forgotten details and remember details at random points. Asuna Minokato is in no way a bad character because she does have the environment to be something great. I like that she is a blacksmith. I like that she has overcame her past but I want to know how and why more than anything and that's something that I never seem to get. It is a three out of ten at it's current form. I do hope you've read this and considered some of the points that I've made. Do not give up on this character because it does have potential.


- Civetta