Realistic or Modern Anchored by Love: Draft Three

[Lexus]

Breathe, she said it three times in two minutes so it's probably important, but why should you? I don't want to talk to you, best friend. You came here with the intent to tell me things you knew would break me. I don't want to talk to you, but I shouldn't take it out on you. You're doing the right thing. Catching a breath, I lifted my head, still deep in thoughts. "What is there to talk about? Eric cheated on me, that sucks. It was stupid to ever think I was anything valuable to him," Sighing I looked away from my best friend before I balled my fists in frustration. "I don't want to drink, Isabel. I just want everything to stop going to shit. It's not fair. You can't just come here to see me, something has to be wrong. I should have known." Not saying another word, I never pulled away from her.

After five minutes, I took another deep breath, nothing was said because she knew I was just angry and needed time to decompress. When I realized what I said I was bound to apologize. It wasn't a surprise to either of us.

"I'm sorry, I know you the last thing you wanted to do was come here to tell me the truth but I appreciate your honesty. I'm sorry about Jayden too, I know you're friends. I hope he''ll be alright." I don't need the last thing he remembers from me to be me walking away from him. That was a shitty move. "What am I supposed to do, best friend?" I asked helplessly, I made it sound like i was referring to Eric, he cheated on me, that was something to be devasted over, but it was the thought of losing Jayden that actually made me sick.

 

[isax]

I knew not to take what Amelia said to heart, despite her words piercing me in the heart at times. She was working through her thoughts and emotions and I knew she would apologize afterwards. I remained quiet for five minutes, continuing to hug Amelia close as she worked through the shock, betrayal and pain. She was going to be alright, that I believed, but I wished the same thing. I wished her life didn’t have so many negative moments but I was a firm believer in things happening for a reason even if we didn’t know if yet.

Accepting Amelia’s apologize wasn’t shocking, I could never stay mad at her or let us stay mad at one another for more than a day. It wasn’t healthy to be so upset when anger was a secondary emotion to cover up how one really feels. Right now, Amelia was hurt, and she masked it with her anger. I took a moment to think about what she asked before I answered. I knew in her sentence she was referring to Eric, but in her heart she was thinking about Jayden. “The only thing you can do, best friend. Move on from the jerk and keep living life. You know what to do.” I put emphasis on the last sentence of my response so she could catch onto what I meant. I wished she could go see Jayden. He hadn’t woken up in two days and I wished Amelia could change that.

 

[Lexus]

'Eric is a jerk, he never knew how to talk to people to get what he wanted out of them," I scolded out of my bittering anger. It was a coping mechanism. "I know what I need to do," I whispered getting up from the chair I walked back into my bedroom, grabbing a spare journal and a pen and went back out to sit on the balcony. I couldn't make the move to see Jayden, it would be awkward and make it seem like my intention was to show up in and out of his life when it was convenient or seemed obligatory, that's not what friends did. So, I did something not many did anymore, I wrote Jayden a letter.

Hey Blue Eyes,

Before I say anything, I just wanted to apologize for how I treated you. I know I promised to be a friend and I proved to you I was anything but. That was terrible of me and I know no words can make up for the displeasure I put you through. You didn't deserve that and I'm sorry, Jayden. I know now that you only ever wanted the best for me after watching me endure one of the lowest points in my life. I couldn't ask much more of you. I know apologizes don't always mend things, but i was hoping that you could forgive me for my unfair actions. I want to make it up to you.

In the past year, you've been in my thoughts every day. It's embarrassing to admit. I often think about where you are and where you could be. I wonder if you ever made it back to Chicago to see the Cubs play with your dad, or what rank you made it up to, show off. But mostly, I think about those blue eyes. They always looked at me in a way that made me feel safe, secure and, loved. I've missed that feeling. I've missed you. It was wrong of me to push you away, I realize that now, but I didn't want to disappoint you.

When you opened up to me about your past, I knew I was experiencing a side of you not many have and I couldn't understand why you thought I was worthy of such trust. I was just your best friend's ex. But the truth is, I believe everything happens for a reason and I believe Nick was meant to lead me to you, Jayden. You make me feel something indescribable and I don't think anyone else can make me feel that way again.

Even though we parted ways, I want to thank you for the friendship you've managed to keep with Isabel. I stayed out of it because I hated to be reminded of you, I didn't think I was worthy of your memory, I know you two have helped each other out in the past year and that means the world to me. When I wasn't there for either of you, you always managed to be there for each other. But now, Isabel is hurting because of what's happened to you, you're hurt and I feel guilty for breaking the promise I made to you. I feel like I failed both of you and I can only hope God grants me this one miracle and you pull through, because I don't want the last thing you remember about me is the fact I walked away like a coward. I hope that my prayers are answered for Isabel and your dad's sake. I hope that You pull through this and remind us all of the man you aspire to be, the man your son can look down on in pride. I hope he's your precious guardian angel.

I wish you all the best, Jayden. Even if you never make it to D.C. for that dinner, I wish you the best of luck in all your endeavors and I hope you never forget the impact you've made on my life. I love you.

Sincerely yours,

Amelia

When I finished the letter I carefully ripped the pages from the notebook and put them in an envelope where I wrote Jayden's name in blue ink, drawing a blue line across the envelope and shading it in before handing it off to Isabel. "When you see him, give him this for me, please. It should help."

 

[isax]

When Amelia whispered she knew what she needed to do, I let her go do just that, not moving from the spot outside. I would always love the bustle and hustle of the city so being out on her balcony was never exciting. It was my favorite spot to be. I watched Amelia write in her journal, becoming curious as to what she was doing. She seemed so engulfed in what she was writing, I didn't bother her. I knew she needed the time to write without distractions and when she handed the letter over to me, I smiled at her as gently as I could. "I'll give it to him when I get back to Texas. I love you, best friend. I'm spending the entire day with you so what do you want to do? Let's grab some food because I'm starving." I told her softly, standing up to stretch before I walked back inside her apartment, tucking the letter into my purse. "Jade! Hi precious!" I exclaimed excitedly, happily squatting down to accept her kisses with a laugh. "You've gotten so big. Go comfort your momma. She needs you right now." I whispered to the boxer, giggling when she barked in understanding, quickly trotting over to Amelia who she nudged with her head.

 

[Lexus]

"Both of y'all are a bunch of suckups," I whispered, trying to hide my want to cry through a half-hearted laugh. Petting Jade on her forehead in between the adorable wrinkles that shaped her face. I sighed heavily. "A wise woman once told me to get a puppy and not a man, because they both act the same way, but a puppy stays loyal and will always have unconditional love." Shaking my head to ward off wallowing in my own pity I knew I wasn't hungry but I couldn't let myself sit here all day, as much as I wanted to. "What do you feel like eating?" I asked in a soft tone while walking back to my room to find a suitable outfit to wear for the day. Winter was setting in and the windchill was deterring for most, but I enjoyed it.

Settling on a pink cashmere sweater and dark colored jeans, I slipped on my charcoal gray colored boots and did my best to continue on with the day like nothing had changed. Slicking my hair back into a neat ponytail. I skipped out on the makeup today, giving my face a chance to breathe but washed my face to get rid of the salty residue that lingered in my pores from crying/ I needed a coffee to calm down, a sweet one with all the works in it, possibly some Baileys.

When I saw Eric text me good morning, I just ignored it, throwing my phone in my purse for the day. I wouldn't need it much, the only person I really would want to talk to right now was here.

 

[isax]

"Hm, honestly? Ihop." I responded to my best friend lightly, laughing softly when she came out from her room and gave me a glare. I knew there had to be much better options in D.C. for breakfast but I wasn't entirely sure what there was. "Okay, okay. You pick where you want to go and we'll go. I could use some coffee. What about you?" Holding Jade in my lap, I kept her close against me, petting her to keep her satisfied while I enjoyed her comfort. "Where shall we go? You get to have me for the entire day so I want to go to the best place for Chinese food here for lunch or dinner."

I was excited to be here with Amelia even if I had to start our day off with news neither she nor I wanted to know. I was thankful I could be here in person with her as she worked through it. I didn't want to leave her after today but I had no doubt she and I would sneak in a couple of more lunch dates while I was in the city she loved. "How is work going? Any other major project you're working on?" I asked her curiously, getting up to follow her out of the apartment and to her car, getting in happily before she drove us to our destination for an early breakfast. I was looking forward to the food we were going to eat. I always loved trying new places.

 

[Lexus]

“Well aren’t I special to have you all to myself?” I teased, my voice remaining soft, lacking its usual humorous sarcasm. I wasn’t in the mood to upkeep my usual sass. I couldn’t stop thinking about why Eric would decide to end it with me if he wasn’t happy, rather than keep me on the sidelines. I wasn’t going to let him down easy the next time I saw him, he pushed my one button that could only be pressed once. I was not going to be a woman who gave a cheater a second chance.

Usually, I would take the metro to my favorite diner, but I didn’t want to deal with the hustle and bustle today. It was early morning rush hour and I wanted to avoid it, knowing my anxiety was on a high and if someone even touched me, it might set me off I didn’t need to have an anxiety attack today.

When he arrived, I removed my coat and gloves and ordered a caramel cappuccino, I already knew I wasn’t going to eat anything, but if I told Isabel that from the start, she would have skipped out on eating too and I didn’t want her to do that.

I didn’t have anything to say about work because there was nothing in the world right now worth mentioning. I didn’t want to go back now, I didn’t want to see Eric. Seeing his face would disgust me completely.

“They have a little bit of everything here so it’s a safe bet you’ll find something you’ll like,” I reassured Isabel, offering half a smile before I turned to glance out the window. I saw a little girl hold her dad’s hand and I couldn’t help but smile when I watched them giggle about something together before he picked her up in his arms. It was a precious sight.

I pulled myself away from my minimal thoughts when Isabel asked what I was getting. “Just coffee and water, I’m not hungry, but you should try the oatmeal, it’s yummy. I get mine with cinnamon and apple slices, but they’ll add whatever you want.”

 

[isax]

She wasn’t going to eat. I knew this would happen and I wanted to ignore it but I couldn’t. “Amelia, you should eat something.” I hate when Amelia decides to not eat anything. Shes always done this but she knows better than to try this with me around. “If we were in Texas I would’ve shoved a honey butter down your mouth.” Releasing a sigh, I looked over my menu, ordering a coffee when our waiter came and asked. I decided to get what Amelia suggested. Oatmeal sounded lovely right now and with cinnamon and apples sounded even better. I didn’t know what to talk to Amelia about right now. Talking about work would mean she would think about Eric and that isn’t what I wanted her to do right now. “How’s the family doing back in Florida? Have you spoken to them lately? I see your grandparents are enjoying themselves through the pictures they post.” Giggling softly, I smiled. Amelia’s family was precious and I loved every single member. They were all so sweet to me and I could be nothing but nice back.

 

[Lexus]

"Good thing we aren't in Texas then because I'm not hungry," I replied in a sigh, ordering the planned coffee and water before handing back the menu to the waitress. When I turned back to my best friend I supported my head with my left hand, looking to her in disinterest at her questions. "We're not doing this, best friend. You're not going to sit here and try to have casual conversation right now when you know I know you just want to be a distraction. What happened to Jayden? Why didn't you tell me there was a shooting? Is that why you came here? Did you just take the assignment to have a plausible reason to come here without me questioning it? How long did you know about Eric, too? If you knew what was going on, why did you let me think everything was okay? I thought-- I thought me and Eric were finally getting somewhere meaningful in our relationship. He took me home to his parents and they were nice people, his dad is a senator. Did you know that? I was going to use him as an informant to try and pass an international healthcare visa to bring all those struggling mothers to America for the medical attention they need and now I can't because his son is a cheating douchebag who will make it look like I was using him to get to his father to make my life miserable. This all just sucks. I don't understand why I can't just find someone who won't take advantage. This is why I don't let people in." When the waitress returned with my coffee I stirred in the cream and sugar, looking into the swirling whirlpool that was usually delicious but today I could care less what it tasted like, no matter how strong the coffee was, it wasn't strong enough to numb my thoughts.

 

[isax]

"Okay now, breathe. One question at a time, best friend." I said softly, listening to her ask question after question before going straight into her plan with Eric's dad. Eric was an asshole who didn't deserve to be anywhere near Amelia. She deserved someone who would want to give her the world and I'm scared she missed that chance with Jayden. He hadn't moved on from Amelia and I wasn't planning on telling her that. She would only get upset he went this entire year still thinking about her. When he and I talked about it, I knew he had real feelings for my best friend. He genuinely cared for her and wanted her to be nothing but happy. I know when he found out about Eric, however, he was crushed. Not in the sense of jealousy but in the sense he was happy she found happiness, even if it wasn't and probably wouldn't ever be with him.

Sighing softly, I looked over at Amelia gently, thanking the waitress when she brought us both our coffees. Taking the creamer, I began pouring it into my cup of joe as I let Amelia finish. It really hurt me that Eric hurt her. How could the idiot even think about taking Amelia to meet his parents when he was cheating? I didn't know for how long he was but in the end, all men were the same. Sipping the coffee, I processed how to respond to my best friend before I let the words come out of my mouth. Sometimes I had a tendency to be brutally honest but I didn't think she nor I needed that right now. I was going to tell her everything gently.

"Well, for starters the shooting is not why I took on this assignment. I took on this assignment because I'm helping out the investigative team. The shooting happened a couple days ago. It happened downtown during the women's march. I didn't mention it because I didn't know what you were working on here, plus I'm still stunned the shooting even happened. A lot of the information hasn't been released to the public yet, and that's how the Chief wants it right now. There were eight officers shot during it and their names haven't been released either. I only know about Jayden because he told me himself." I explained to her softly, biting my lip as I stared into my coffee cup. "He was trying to help a little girl at the march move out of the cross fire. She ended up in it because she lost her mother. He said she wouldn't stop crying and kept clinging to his leg. He was protecting her as best as he could and in the process was shot in his abdomen. He's slowly recovering and hopefully will be alright. The doctors said he's still worried Jayden may relapse but as of now, he's recovering." Talking about this wasn't easy for me and I knew it wouldn't be easy for Amelia to hear.

"As far as Eric goes, I only knew for two days that he was cheating. Do you think I would let you date him if I knew he was a cheater from the start? Hell no." Just talking about the jerk left a bad taste in my mouth and I hated it. I hated him. "Amelia, I'm sorry this happened." There is someone out there who I know would treat you how you should be treated. He wouldn't take advantage of you. He would give you the world but I'm not sure if he still feels that way. I doubt you would even want to let him in again. "Jayden didn't take advantage of you." I said carefully, biting my lip as I feared what reaction I was going to get. There was the brutal truth. "He misses you, ya know."

 

[Lexus]

I knew the truth was coming as soon as I asked her to stop beating around the bush. We were the same, we knew how to avoid upsetting people but when they didn't want that, the only other option left was to be honest. I knew what she had to say was probably something I didn't want to hear, but it was a better option than avoiding the subject, that only gave me horrible anxiety. Listening to what she had to what Isabel had to say, I stared up at her with a blank expression as I let her tell me everything.

I knew better than to think the shooting was why Isabel decided to visit D.C. but I needed her to say it for me to accept it as the full truth. She knew that. Nodding, I drew a sharp breath when she went on to tell me the events of the shooting and the severity of its aftermath. Jayden saved another life by risking his own, Does the man think he's bulletproof? Well, now he knows he's not. But of course he saved a child, best friend. It seems risky to you, but you don't know everything about your friend. Not like I do. I wish I didn't. Why did he have to put me in this place? Feeling my hands shake, I looked down into my coffee as Isabel continued to spit the truth. I hated myself for thinking even for a moment that Isabel would know about Eric's cheating and wait to tell me. I knew that if anyone was more upset about the situation, it was her. From Isabel's perspective, I was one of the holiest people on the planet who didn't deserve to endure any acts of harm because of everything I did to protect her throughout our friendship, but the truth was, I was far from the almost-perfect human she perceived me to be.

When she finished antagonizing Eric, I thought that was the end of the serious conversation. I took the silence to comprehend reality, trying to gather my thoughts on what to say next, I shot my head up when she spoke again. I never would have suspected for her to make such a drastic claim, but when she did I felt the burning denial encompass my chest.

"Isabel, I can't," I whispered feeling the tears swell. I knew Isabel couldn't understand why the thought of being with Jayden made me so upset. I knew me being with Eric told her I moved past Nick, but I still couldn't be with Jayden. I knew my quick refusal would frustrate her, in the eight months between moving to D.C. and starting a new relationship that she wanted me to give Jayden a chance at an intimate relationship. She wanted us to be together and she didn't understand why time and time again, I refused to let it happen. It made it seem like I was being adamant of leaving him in the friend zone because I only ever considered him a friend.

I expected her to protest and before she had the full opportunity I cut her off as she drew a heavy breath to fight back and I responded in the same brutal honesty that she gave to me. "I can't! He lost a son and I can't give him another, okay? I can't, my voice gradually falling as the tears fell again. Quickly reaching for a napkin I wiped them away. "He wants more than what I can give him and I--I'm not going to get his hopes up with me when I physically can't give him what he wants." After the miscarriage, there was a severe infection that followed and that's when the doctors told me there was a slim chance that I would be able to carry a child safely. I told myself I never wanted kids, and while I still had little desire to have them, it was one thing to decide I didn't want to be a mother, it was another to be told it was an impossibilty.

 

[isax]

I wasn’t expecting Amelia to say what she did but not it all made sense. Now I knew why she refused to be anything more with Jayden and I couldn’t be upset. It was a valid reason and when she started crying is when I acted as quickly as possible. I handed her a napkin, sighing gently before I took her hand in my own for comfort. I didn’t know this was what she was keeping deep inside. I didn’t know she was told after her miscarriage the chances of her birthing another child was slim. My heart was broken for her and I bit my lip as I gripped her hand tightly. “Amelia, I’m sorry love. I didn’t know that’s why.” I said gently, not knowing what to say anymore. I didn’t want to say something to upset her even more but I held her hands in mine, not letting them go until I felt I needed to. “I’m sorry I brought it up but I still think Jayden and you should talk sometime. He misses you, Amelia. I know I don’t know as much about him as you do but that I know.” I didn’t want Amelia to get hurt anymore and I didn’t want Jayden to continue to be upset about Amelia. “He genuinely cares for you and wants you to be happy in life.”

 

[Lexus]

I know you didn't know. I didn't want you to, you were too busy in school. Stop apologizing, it doesn't fix anything. "And I want the best for him, but it's not up to me what happens to us anymore. I made it clear to him when I walked away, telling him that we wanted different things. Just give him the letter, I've made my peace with him. Whatever happens next is up to him, but I mean it. Jayden and I can never be anything, Isabel, so stop making him think that it's a possibility, please." Isabel knew I wouldn't make this request unless I really couldn't see myself giving into her hopeful fantasy of me and Jayden ever becoming more than just friends. The night I told her about was simply a moment of weakness and I needed her to accept that's all that it was. For as long as Jayden wanted a family and a wife, I couldn't be the woman to fill all his voids and encourage him to become the chief he aspired to be. I was never going to be the dainty wife who ironed his uniforms and planned lunches and fundraisers for his men. I was still going to be an international correspondent who spent half of the year in and out of the country. I couldn't bring myself to give that part of me up to put a man at ease, not after I gained the experience of changing the lives of people who lived across the world just by visiting their villages and telling their stories; to be fully immersed in their cultures and provide them with the means to make themselves feel heard bettered me as a person. Through international travel and reporting, I was able to gain a deeper understanding of the world and the diversity of humanity. it was truly an irreplaceable and remarkable experience that was difficult to understand and appreciate unless you did it for yourself. The places I visited weren't always considered the safest places to Westerners, but they never lacked character and a feeling of love. The feeling my career gave me was something I would always cherish, and I knew eventually, my travels would have to become less than what they were now, but I knew that time wasn't anytime soon.

 

[isax]

Sighing softly, all I did was nod in response to Amelia's request and dropped the conversation overall. It wasn't something I wanted to continue discussing while spending the day with her. I tried not let my mood dampen after the intense but very realistic revelation. I didn't want to tell her I wasn't feeding Jayden anything. I didn't want to tell her he still hoped and wished they could be so much more. It wasn't worth talking about anymore so I just did what I did best and stayed silent, not uttering another word until she started conversation again. That's how our lunch went. Her bringing up a topic of discussion and I simply went with it.

After we finished the story at the D.C. bureau of DMN, I spent one last day with Amelia when I had the chance to get away. The tense from our first day was no longer there this time around and I was grateful.

I was now in the comfort of my apartment, Apollo curled into a ball in my lap, giving me extra warmth as I stared out the window that lead to the balcony. Jayden was recovering well from what his father told me, and I still had the letter Amelia wanted me to give him. I decided to give him the letter the next time I stopped by to visit him. Right now, I just wanted to focus on myself and reenergize before I went back to the newsroom and took on another assignment. So I spent the day in the comfort of my apartment, watching movies and eating take out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I couldn't remember how long I was in this prison of white walls but I was thankful enough to have friends that stopped by to keep me company. Yesterday, Isabel stopped by after a day of rejuvenation, as she calls it, from her assignment out in D.C. She told me her and Amelia spent some time with one another which was good news because I knew Isabel had began to miss her best friend. I missed Amelia but we still hadn't spoken to one another. I knew what Eric did to her, thanks to Isabel, and I couldn't stop the rage I felt inside get the better of me. Dawson didn't allow me to do anything foolish but my heart was hurting once more, because ever since Amelia left one thing has been clear to me: I genuinely cared for her.

Before Dawson was going to stop in for a visit, I read the letter Isabel gave me from Amelia. I stared at my name in her handwriting for awhile as I tried to summon up the courage to open it. I missed her so much and I wish we could have been something more but that was foolish thinking. She made it clear to me we would never be anything more and now all I wanted was her happiness, even if it meant she and I could never be together. I genuinely hoped one day, she would find the right person to give her the world, even if I wished it could be me. I was torn apart and I don't think I will ever be whole again. Dad kept telling me to reach out to her, but I didn't think she would want that.

I read her letter ten times. I cried the first time and didn't stop until my eighth time reading it, and was on my eleventh time when I heard a knock at the door and watched my closest friend Dawson walk in. I folded the letter again, smiling at Dawson as he shut the door. I put the letter in my lap but didn't say anything when Dawson walked over and began talking. The only thing on my mind right now was Amelia. Her beautiful captivating eyes that reached the depth of my souls, her infectious laugh that would make any smile, her headstrong personality and her presence and the sense of comfort she gave me. After reading the letter, I couldn't do anything but think about her and smile, because in that moment I forgave her for the way she left. I let go of any negative feeling I had towards her and truly wished her the best. I missed her but I needed to know if going to D.C. one day and arranging a dinner would be too much, so I looked over to Dawson when he pulled me out of my thoughts and cleared my throat before speaking.

"How was the show in Seattle?" I asked him casually, not hearing anything he said before I came out of my thoughts. The letter still sat in my lap and I wanted to ask him for his opinion on my latest thought of Amelia, but it could wait for another time. It would have to wait until I was out of this white walled hell and in the comfort of the station and my home.

 

[Lexus]

"Jayden, you were shot on the street, do you think you should really care about how the show in Seattle went?" I asked letting the silence encapsulate the room for a moment before I replied to my own question. "It was shitty because all it did was rain, which is to be expected in Seattle. I actually hate that place, it's horrendously gray all the time and they don't know how to treat southerners with some common decency. How are you feeling though? Pretty horrible I imagine. I was worried about you but your dad kept me up to date. What you did for the little girl was heroic, but I wish you would become more considerate of yourself. First Amelia, now this. You need to slow down. It's like you could care less about yourself, that's not cool." Taking a seat, I ran my hands through my hair uncomfortably, realizing I could have just overstepped a boundary as a friend, but I was working through my own emotions over the ordeal. The thought of putting my friend to rest at such an early stage in life sickened me, but I knew if he had to, he would do it honorably. But that fact that he was so willing to give up his own life ate at my soul. It made me wonder what he had been through in his past.

 

[isax]

Sighing softly, I let what Dawson had to say stick in my head. He was right. It was honorable of me for putting my life before the little girls. I know in the eyes of the public and media, it was such an honorable act but they didn’t know why I always put children first. They didn’t know that at this moment my life wasn’t greater than anyone else’s. Mine wasn’t worth saving in such a hostile situation that occurred. I wasn’t trying to seem as down as I was. I looked at Dawson before I sighed again. “I don’t know who actually likes Seattle if you’re from the south but I’m fine. The wound doesn’t hurt much anymore and I’m glad the little girl is safe.” I didn’t want to talk about the matter anymore. I wanted to talk about anything but this. As I touched the letter again, I sighed. “Dawson, Amelia wrote me a letter. It clears up a lot but I can’t shake her. I miss her. She is the only person I will ever want and I’ll be happy as long as she’s happy. I just need an opinion. I want to see her. One last time for good. I want to go to D.C. but I don’t know if I should.”

 

[Lexus]

When Jayden mentioned Amelia, my jaw dropped from its natural position. He's still thinking about her. That was a year ago. Rubbing my eyes with my index finger and my thumb before I answered my friend. "Whether you should or not it sounds like you already made up your mind, Jayden. If you need to go then go. You'll regret it if you don't. What did she say in the letter?" I asked curiously. What could Amelia have to say to Jayden after a year of silence? As Jayden's friend, I was skeptical of Amelia after the constant rollercoaster of emotions she put Jayden on. He was a gentleman with nothing but good intentions and Amelia sounded like she just wanted to play games, only coming to him when it seemed convenient, She sounded too afraid of commitment and the last thing I wanted for my friend was him to get hurt, but I knew better than to try and tell Jayden what to do. He was persistent, he wanted Amelia so he was going to everything he could to get her and no one could convince him otherwise.

 

[isax]

“The real question is what didn’t she say." I explained to Dawson softly, sighing contently as I recalled what she wrote in the letter. "The most important thing Amelia said in that letter was she loved me." I told him softly, closing my eyes as I remembered every word she wrote in the letter. She was such an amazing woman and even if she doubted the dinner in D.C. wouldn't happen, I was going to make it happen. "She apologized, first and foremost, told me she's been thinking about me just like I have been her. She mentioned the dinner in D.C. I had told her before she left we could make it happen and I plan on it. I miss her, Dawson. No woman has ever made me feel the way I do. Not Eve, not anyone. Amelia's special and I want the dinner to prove that. I want her to know she means this much to me. I want he to know despite the distance, I'll always be there for her." Looking at Dawson again, I sighed contently once more.

 

[Lexus]

She said she loves him? Huh, I wonder why I don't believe that so easily. "So you're going to D.C. then?" I asked with a playful smirk. "I wish you the best of luck, you should pull all your best moves, girls like that, makes them feel appreciated."

I was sad to see Isabel go but I knew she had to return home eventually. I waited until she left to break things off with Eric because I didn't want her to get involved. I knew if she were here when I stood up to Eric, she would let her instinct to protect me take over, and I didn't want it to seem like I relied on Isabel to fight my battles when someone hurt me. When I confronted Eric about his cheating, he didn't make an attempt to deny it, which hurt more than I expected it to. He told me I was "too driven" and "not enough fun" I bored him. That's an ego boost. I was very well aware that when people first met me, I was considered a great person to have. This was because I was gentle and cared, sometimes too much, about others pain and dilemmas and did everything I could to help them out of my natural draw to be generous, but once people felt I fixed them, they often moved on, because they no longer found an interest in me. I was a great healer.

I did my best to move on from Eric by putting all my concentration into my work, avoiding Eric at the office as much as possible, but we still had a few projects we were working on together before I could completely forget about him, or at least try to.

With winter coming, I decided to take another trip, this time to South Africa to cover another segment on lack of healthcare for children in developing countries. I spent a month there before I felt the early on stages of malaria despite all of the precautions and rushed for home at my editor's approval. It was an awful experience, I was constantly aching, and my stomach pain was so bad it brought me to tears while I continued to vomit profusely. As awful as it was though, I was reminded that I had a home to return to that would cure me, the African natives didn't have that. Quality medical care was considered a luxury for them and not a basic human right.

I spent four days in the hospital before the finally sent me home, but I wasn't allowed to return to the newsroom until I was completely medically cleared. I was still weak, my head hurt and I felt light-headed. Groaning, I curled into the blanket, My sister was supposed to be coming today. Brooke is a nurse and it came as no surprise even though she was a pediatric nurse, she needed to see me for herself to know I was okay. I didn't object because if I trusted any medical professional it was her and it never hurt to have a second opinion.

When she texted me she was on the way over from the airport, I told her where I left the key, knowing I would more than likely be asleep when she arrived.

 

[isax]

I wish I could make a trip to go visit Amelia in D.C. but my editor wouldn't approve of it. The moment I received the call regarding Amelia's medical health and why she was brought back to America, I wanted to jump on a plane and head straight to her. That wasn't rational and I knew it wasn't but knowing your best friend came back with Malaria from another country made you just want to see them. When I got the call, I was reminded of the distance between us. All those miles that separated us and made time like this rough but also made out bond so much stronger. So, the only thing I could do was text her to ensure she was alright, and ask Brooke to keep me updated since I knew she was going to visit her sister.

"Hi best friend. I hope you're feeling better. Get some rest and don't do too much. Focus on yourself and getting better. When I have the time, I'll be back in D.C. to see you. I love you so much."

Sighing, I sent the text, placed my phone back on the desk as I sighed again. I was tired, stressed, and needed to hang out with someone for good vibes. I didn't have too many friends here and the only person I could think of that would be down to meet up for lunch was Jayden. Shooting him a text asking if he was free, I continued to cull through the photos from my recent assignment I was lucky to have been assigned. I helped around a lot in the newsroom. Photography was my main focus but I loved when Doug came to my desk with paperwork in hand, ready for me to dig into with the investigative department. I was the recent hire who had only been working at the DMN for half a year. I didn't know if all this jumping around helping came with being a new hire but I didn't mind it.

When I had my break for lunch, I was thankful Jayden said he was free and could meet up somewhere on Main Street so I didn't have to walk too far. I wasn't too worried about a wait because I was able to have a decent lunch break today and not have to worry so much about working through lunch. Walking into the little diner on the end of the Statler, I sat down at a booth and ordered a sweet tea, scrolling through the latest trends and news stories that popped up on my feed. When I saw Jayden walk in, I smiled and waved at him, thankful I could have someone with me. I needed another persons presence to feel rejuvenated right now. “Hey Jay. How is your day so far?”

 

[Lexus]

When Isabel invited me to lunch, I was intrigued. We hadn't seen each other in awhile and I wondered if her request to hang out was because she had things on her mind or just because we hadn't seen each other in awhile. Regardless, I accepted the offer. It was still early in the afternoon and I was on second shift, but I had enough time to sit and eat somewhere. Agreeing on where to meet, I was quick to make my way over. Isabel was easy to spot because she like to sit by the window and her black hair often gave her away. Smiling when we made eye contact I slid into the seat across from her and clapped the table with a grin. “It’s pretty okay, thanks for asking, how’s yours. Busy, busy, busy?” I asked ordering a simple water when the waiter returned. The streets were quiet this morning and I was thankful since I was still a little hesistent to be back out on the streets on my own. Getting shot makes you a little more cautious of your surroundings.

I read Isabel’s text, but I didn’t bother to answer because I knew she was too busy to show up in the way I wished she would. It really sucked having to go through such a horrible illness without the one person who understood why I was crazy enough to contract it at my side. When my sister arrived all she was going to do was ridicule me for leaving the country, putting myself in the perfect situation to get sick and then waiting until the last possible second to leave. I obviously cared more about the people I was trying to help than myself. I wasn’t leaving those kids or their families until I knew for sure I was too sick to continue with them. It wasn’t the wisest decision, but it was one I chose to make. Winkcing at the nausea, i curled deeper into the blanket, clutching it right with my fists thinking it would allievate the pain, but knew it wouldn’t. As chills rushed down my spine I let my warm tears fall. As independent as I was, I prayed my sister would hurry up and get here. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could take this alone. I still had another hour before u could take my next rounds of medication and I didn’t trust myself to go sit in the shower without falling asleep because of how over-exhausted I was.

 

[isax]

"Busy as always. I'm glad I was able to step out of the newsroom for lunch today." I told Jayden with a gentle laugh, smiling when our waitress walked over to take our drink order. I settled on a water, like usual, and browsed over the menu for a bit before I decided on what I wanted to eat. "How is it back on patrol? Are you doing alright?" I asked my friend curiously. I didn't know what it was like to get shot and have to go back on the same streets where it occurred. I didn't know what was running through Jayden's head. I could only hope it wasn't anything horrible and that he was holding himself together.

Rushing out of the plane the moment we were allowed to, I got to luggage claim and grabbed my bags. I came to D.C. because I needed to sister for myself. When she called me to say she had caught malaria while in Africa, all I could do was scream at her in my head. Only my sister would ignore the symptoms until they became drastic enough to come back. Sighing softly, I texted her to let her know I made it, and went to grab my rental vehicle.

When I arrived to her apartment, I got her spare key from where she told me it was. Unlocking the door, I put my bag inside and called out to her, but when I got no response back I figured she was just asleep.

I walked to her bedroom, knocking before I entered it, sighing when I saw her curled into a ball. I knew she didn't want to be alone, which was why I made plans to stay for at least three days. I didn't like seeing her in so much pain. I walked to the side of her bed, grabbing the medication bottles I found and examined the labels. I wasn't entirely sure when she last took them but I would ask her when she woke up. She seemed to be in a decent sleep and I didn't want to disturb that.

 

[Lexus]

"I'm fine, you live, you learn and you move on. It's a horrible thing if you let yourself live in fear. I wouldn't be able to do my job if I did," I replied simply while looking over the menu and deciding on a simple salad. I didn't need to eat anything too heavy since I was spending the rest of the afternoon and early evening out on patrol doing whatever was called of me. I learned the hard way not to go into it on an overly full stomach, it didn't feel good. "How about you, are you okay? What else is going on in your corner? Anything exciting?" Anything about Amelia? What is she up to? How is she? Did she move on to someone else? Am I too late? Brushing my hand with my face I smiled over to my friend. I didn't want to mention Amelia to her because she was her best friend and it would be awkward if I kept prying, so I always stopped myself. We only ever talked about Amelia when Isabel brought her up in casual conversation and I never let it last too long. I knew if I dug too much i had a feeling the truth of whatever Amelia was up to would end up hurting me.

When Brooke arrived, Jade was quick to make her presence known. She wanted to know who this strange individual was. She had never seen her before and she was prancing around her territory like she belonged her. Barking loudly, the ruckus woke Amelia who had just fallen asleep. When she opened her eyes, the nausea and fatigue all returned in an instant.

Hearing my sister's voice over Jade's obnoxious barks I easily became annoyed. "Jade! Enough!" I proclaimed as loudly as I could, not moving from my ball, pulling the blanket closer to my chest, but leaving my face visible for Brooke to see "You didn't have to come," I mumbled through the blanket, knowing it would only be a matter of time before she was offering some type of affection. The only time she ever did was in my rare moments of not hiding my vulnerability. "I feel dead," I continued to mumble, closing my eyes because of my growing headache.

 

[isax]

"Hm, work is going. There isn't anything particularly exciting going on. I was assigned another assignment as a photographer, so I'm excited for that. Helping the investigative team is always fun but taking the best picture possible is always the best." I explained, looking at our waiter who came back with our drinks. Thanking him, I gave the menu one last glance before deciding on what I wanted to eat. I ordered a simple turkey and cheese sandwich with chips. "Other than my new assignment, the newsroom itself has been a little chaotic." I shrugged my shoulder then. The chaos of the newsroom didn't phase me much. I was used to it by now.

"I did have to come. How am I not going to come check up on you when you caught malaria?" I asked Amelia with a sigh, walking over to the free side of the bed where I sat down and leaned over to hug her gently. I didn't like seeing my sister like this because she was such a strong person but I knew right now she needed someone to provide comfort. "When was the last time you took your medication?" I asked softly. I couldn't imagine how Amelia felt right now without being able to take another dosage of it.

 

[Lexus]

"Well, by the tone of you voice, it kinda sounds like a snooze fest. You sound bored," I teased with a chuckle, shrugging my shoulders while I sipped my tap water through the thin plastic straw. "C'mon Anes, tell me something exciting. You weren't made for small talk," I pushed. I knew there had to be something interesting going on in Isabel's life that was intriguing. Because her time always had to be occupied I knew she had more than just work to handle. "Do I need to bring some excitement in your life?" I asked with arched eyebrows. "This is Dallas you're telling me that you have't been on any of your adventures lately. I find that one hard to believe, my friend."

The moment my sister took me into a hug, I let the pain consume me, too tired to fight now that someone was here and let the tears venture from my tired eyes and down my dehydrated cheeks. I knew how to take care of myself when no one else was around, I got good at it, but that didn't make me any less of a human who wanted comfort when I wasn't feeling myself. I secretly appreciated Brooke's effort to come al the way to D.C. to see me. I knew she was a busy young woman and I didn't come home as much as a should to check up on her, but we were still sisters when it mattered. As she continued to hold me, I shrugged to her question. "I still have 30 minutes," I whispered, the agony influencing my tone. As miserable as I was, I couldn't imagine how an African child must feel when they endure the same sickness. It broke my heart to think of a child in this much pain and suffering, especially to the thousands of children's lives malaria took yearly. I was beginning to wonder why I was sent home but tried not to think about it too hard. I appreciated the fact Brook had yet to ridicule me for my decision to go to Africa. It was the last thing I needed to hear right now. Not wanting to think about own well being right now, because it only worsened how I felt, I changed the subject. "How's mom?"