Fantasy Aedighar [closed]

[desti]

If anything, Alys was proud of the act she was able to keep up when talking to nobles. Their words meant nothing to her, their well wishes and slightly envious compliments were absolutely insignificant. Still Alys smiled and nodded politely, playing the part that her Septa had made her play for so many years now. Even her parents seemed to believe her that she was happy. They hugged her and told her sweet things, but even those words seemed meaningless.

Everything was so overwhelming to her. Alys wanted some peace and quiet, but she knew that she wouldn’t get that today. First, there would be the feast and later… Gods, she felt uncomfortable. Alys tried to calm herself with talking to her brothers, but even that didn’t help. Even they seemed mesmerized by the charm of Wheldrake and overwhelmed by the surrounding nobles. Talking to them brought Alys nowhere and eventually she found herself drifting back to her husband.

Though Alys figured they might only speak during the feast, their first exchange of words happened in the carriage that brought them to it. Trevas was smiling, he even kissed her hand like a good husband ought to. Yet Alys found herself more confused than anything, more suspicious than flattered by all of this. Still the mask of a good, proper wife laid on top of her face as they sat together, alone for once.

There was something uncomfortable between them that Alys didn’t quite like. She felt so tense sitting next to Trevas with her hand in his, she couldn’t even truly pay attention to his words. All that left her lips were simple pleasantries, and Alys felt dumb saying them. She felt like a stupid little girl, in way over her head, but that was what she was after all. Alys had nobody to go to that she could talk to about her worries, therefore she could get no answers to the many questions inside of her head.

Most of the journey was rather silent overall. Alys listened to the hooves of the horses against the pavement and gravel, as she parted the curtains of the carriage to look outside at Wheldrake. She’d never been here before, or perhaps she had but she’d been too young to remember. The streets were all new to her, the sea seemed threatening and yet inviting at the same time. So many things to explore, so many people to meet, and yet Alys wasn’t sure if the memories she’d make in this town would be any good.

At least Wheldrake had some sort of life to it. The streets seemed to be filled with life and the buildings had some colour to it. Golden Harbour was about as dull as a rich town could get. It was pretty, of course, in fact it was beautiful really, but Gods it was so perfect that Alys hated every bit of it. Every stone was perfectly matched to the one next to it, every rock on the ground seemed deliberately placed. Everything in that city was either golden, white or blue and it drove Alys near mad. Wheldrake was different, Wheldrake had a charm to it that Alys couldn’t explain.

Every once in a while, they’d pass a commoner that would quickly jump out of the way and bow their head towards the carriage. Some were a bit braver and stared defiantly into the small window, as though daring to be dealt with. Alys wondered how they were treated, if the King even cared all that much about the people of his own city. If he didn’t, then she would have to.

When they reached the feast, Alys didn’t even notice. She only realised when the carriage door was opened by one of the guards and Trevas got up. Alys had initially wanted to pull away from his hand, but it felt like he didn’t want that, so she let him hold onto her. Still she felt rather awkward when the people cheered for them. They were nobodies to each other, Alys didn’t know Trevas and Trevas didn’t know Alys. Why were these people clapping and cheering for love that didn’t exist? It just made her realise once again how messed up nobility truly were.

Golden Harbour had its fair share of gossip and intrigue, but Alys imagined Wheldrake would be worse. She had been told not to trust anyone, not to befriend anyone. The first part might be easier to achieve than the latter. Alys rather enjoyed the company of other people, especially girls her own age, and most of all she loved being liked. She needed it, craved the affection from other people. Alys had done many good things in Golden Harbour involving the poor people there, especially the children, but there was no doubt in her mind that her good deeds stemmed from that need to be liked. It was selfish, but others gained from that so perhaps it wasn’t too bad of her to do that.

The feast was grandiose and Alys found herself looking around like a child at the decorations. It was so bright and beautiful here, that Alys could almost ignore that hand resting heavily on her waist. Though they were husband and wife now, the touch still felt inappropriate and Alys found herself fighting the urge to shove his hand away.

They seemed to have been the last to arrive, because most of the tables seemed to be occupied. Next to the two empty, large seats reserved for the King and Queen, the two tables for their families were filled as well. Alys’ eyes went from her own relatives, to the table on Trevas’ side. She had been told about his daughters, and she knew of Princess Elaria and what had happened. The man next to her must’ve been Justan. They would become King and Queen once Trevas would pass. As joyous as this day was, there were no smiles present there, and Alys wondered what her situation with Trevas’ daughters would be like. She could almost imagine the awkwardness already.

Once they sat down, a kiss was pressed against her cheek as Trevas took her hand again. Alys smiled and she must’ve blushed because heat rose to her cheeks as she cast her eyes down at her lap. This was wrong. This didn’t feel right at all. Though Alys wanted to stop thinking too much into it and just enjoy the affection Trevas was giving her, it just didn’t make sense in her mind. This man had lost his wife in a horrible way just a month prior and here he was kissing her so sweetly and never letting his touch leave her skin. It wasn’t right, it felt wrong in every way and Alys found herself pulling her hand away from his.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

It had been so long ago since Trevas had married Katlyn. Their wedding had been beautiful. He hadn’t been able to keep his hands of his wife, but back then they had both been young. They had both been so full of passion and lust for each other that for most of their day they were kissing and touching each other. Gods, Trevas remembered the bedding ceremony so well. How much fun it had been. Now he wondered if Alys would put up a struggle against him, and what he would have to do then.

All this time everything about this plan had seemed like a good idea, and it was. It would strengthen his position as King if he got a son from Alys. It would strengthen the Wynver’s their claim to the throne. If anything it was the best Trevas could do to secure himself from the Northerners. Trevas had never really cared much for love or happiness as soon as power came into the picture. His family had slipped away from him, but somehow he still managed to go back into that thought process that Katlyn had put him through.

Even when he tried his best not to think about her, everything around him seemed to remind him of Katlyn and how things had been with her in the very beginning of their marriage. He had gotten two beautiful daughters with her, and now he didn’t even care for them the way he probably needed to. In his mind, he was doing this for all of them. He was protecting them against the Northerners, against the rest of Aedighar that wanted to harm them. Though Katlyn had somehow managed to make him doubt himself even if he didn’t want to admit that.

Trevas didn’t even want to admit that he missed Katlyn. It was so much easier to just hate her and get over it, but Gods, those strange emotions were lingering inside of him, making him feel extremely uncomfortable.

It was the right thing to do to marry Alys Karr. She would help him get more power over Aedighar, and that was all he wanted now. He didn’t want her love or her care. He couldn’t care less if Alys would hate him. All he knew was that she would give him a child and be a Queen that the people could look up to. They would forget all about Katlyn while she still lingered in his mind.

While they had sat down, it was almost like Trevas was trying to relive his old memories with Katlyn as he pressed a kiss to Alys’ cheek and took her hand. It was rather innocent compared to the touches he had given Katlyn during the feast, but Alys seemed so tense that he didn’t want to drag it too far. His whole plan was to make her comfortable enough so he could have control over her, influence her to be the kind of woman he needed her to be, but Alys had pulled her hand away from him, and Trevas looked at her a little confused by that.

“Is there something wrong?”

"No, of course not."

Trevas didn’t believe her, but he decided to let it go and not get frustrated with her already, even though he was. Was it because of Katlyn’s death that she acted like this or the fact that he hadn’t come to see her before the wedding? He had to remind himself that she was young, likely not that experienced when it came to politics, and that wasn’t a big problem for him as he would never include her in politics. The only problem that was causing now was the fact that Alys seemed so damn nervous.

As her husband, Trevas should have felt the need to ease that for her, but he didn’t. He didn’t care if she sat there trembling because of how uncomfortable or nervous she was, but he tried to think of how he could make it better for her only to strengthen his facade as a good husband.

“Do you need anything?”

"May I have some wine?"

“Of course.”

Trevas looked over at the younger boy standing by the table where his daughters sat. He quickly called him over, and the boy understood relatively quick that he needed to fill the cups on the King and Queen’s table. Perhaps wine would make Alys more manageable to be around as now she was quite boring. Not saying anything, not doing anything. All she was doing was making it difficult for him to show her what a good husband he could pretend to be.

During the beginning of the feast, Trevas decided to keep his hands away from Alys. He didn’t say anything to her either. Instead he enjoyed his wine and everything else about the feast, even if it was rather boring. It was a shame almost that he had somewhat expected to relive the experience he had with Katlyn, and he scolded himself for even thinking about that since he wanted to hate Katlyn.

Sometimes he would look over at Alys and wonder who she truly was as a person, but it didn’t matter.

“I’m curious. Does none of this excite you? Do you find it boring?”

"It'd be rather awful if I found my own wedding to be boring."

“I don’t think so. Feasts can be rather boring.”

"That's why they serve wine to make feasts more bearable."

“What do you think Aedighar would have been without wine? A horrible place I imagine.”

There was a slight chuckle from Alys then, and Trevas looked at her as she took a sip of her wine cup. Gods, it was difficult to get through to her. The was trying his best to seem nice, but he figured it wouldn’t work out now while the feast was still on. Perhaps tomorrow it would be easier to make her believe that he only wanted the best for her when in reality he didn’t truly want that. Either way, Trevas looked away from her and stayed silent.

 

[desti]

“Is there something wrong?”

How in the world could Alys ever explain to him that everything was wrong? Gods, she felt so uncomfortable sitting here. It felt like her dress was too tight, that her lungs could never really get enough air and that her tummy ached. Alys just wanted this day to end, but at the same time she knew what would come later. Father had told her that she was to be a good wife and just do whatever was asked of her, and Alys tried to convince herself that that’d be the best way to approach this.

It was hard to explain what was going through her mind. On one hand, Alys wanted Trevas to like her, but at the same time she felt guilty that he seemed to flatter her so much. She must’ve expected him to be a grieving mess, just as uncomfortable with the wedding as she was. This wasn’t at all what Alys had in mind, perhaps the surprise was what was making her uncomfortable. Perhaps she was so awkward because the image she had held for him in her mind was crumbling in front of her eyes.

Wasn’t this what she wanted? A husband that liked her, wanted to touch her and kiss her? Why wasn’t she liking this as much as she once imagined she would? Alys felt foolish, as she tried to not overthink everything. Perhaps there was nothing to overthink. Maybe there hadn’t been love between the King and Queen. But Gods, that thought made her feel awful as well. Alys was starting to think that anything involving Trevas just made her feel awkward.

"No, of course not."

Alys fumbled with her hands as her eyes drifted over the tables in front of them. She watched the nobles, and wondered about them. It was a nice way to pass time, if anything. Alys had always been rather fond of people watching, and thinking of imaginary lives for those that were in front of her. Perhaps it was silly and immature, but Alys still found some joy from it. At least it livened up the feast in her mind, if anything.

“Do you need anything?”

Trevas’ voice brought her out of her wonders if the woman in the green dress was cheating on her husband. She likely wasn’t, but Alys still made up stories in her mind about it.

"May I have some wine?"

Perhaps that would make this a lot easier. Alys wanted to relax, even just a little bit. She wanted to not think so much and turn off her mind and its racing thoughts just for today. Wine could help with that. Of course, Alys wasn’t planning on getting drunk. That wouldn’t be a great first impression, would it? Then again if she would be too drunk to participate in the bedding… No, that was a silly thought and Alys felt foolish for thinking such things. That was awfully rude of her and inappropriate.

“Of course.”

Father rarely allowed her to drink wine, even though she was a woman grown. It was silly, but Alys understood. Now it was her own wedding though, and her father’s opinion on the matter didn’t really seem relevant. If she’d like to have a cup of wine, she’d drink it. Maybe she’d even drink two if she felt daring enough. Either way, Alys just wanted to ease her nerves, and the slightly sour taste on her tongue helped her just a little to forget her worries.

“I’m curious. Does none of this excite you? Do you find it boring?”

Quite. The feast was dreadfully dull, if Alys was to be honest. Even more boring than uncomfortable, really. The guests seemed to enjoy it though, so at least somebody was having fun in it. Alys wished she would find delight in it, but alas that wasn’t happening. This wasn’t how her wedding had gone down in her mind, but at the same time it wasn’t going as bad as she had feared. Perhaps it was the wine, but Alys found herself almost glad with how nice Trevas was acting towards her. Maybe everything she’d heard about him had been a lie after all.

"It'd be rather awful if I found my own wedding to be boring."

“I don’t think so. Feasts can be rather boring.”

"That's why they serve wine to make feasts more bearable."

“What do you think Aedighar would have been without wine? A horrible place I imagine.”

Instead of answering, Alys let out a small chuckle and hid herself behind the cup of wine again. Honestly, Alys was rather upset at how she was acting. She was giving off a bad impression and she could tell that it wasn’t going well for her. Usually Alys was fun-loving and chatty, but now she felt so out of character that all she wanted to do was hide from the world. She wondered if Trevas would ever see the real her, or if this would just be the person she’d become permanently now.

While Alys drank the wine, her eyes landed on Trevas’ daughters. Again, her mind filled with questions about them. Was she supposed to care for them? Befriend them? They seemed to be around the same age as her, and Alys wasn’t sure what to think of that. If anything, that might just make their relationship uncomfortable for everyone involved. If she was to be with their father, Alys wanted to have a connection with his daughters. That seemed only right.

“Those are your daughters, right?”

There was nothing in her that wanted to talk to Trevas, she just wanted to sit there quietly and drink her wine, but Alys insisted. She wanted to talk, she wanted to find out more and she wanted to not ruin everything in the first few hours of their marriage. As much as she didn’t want to, Alys would ignore her wishes and try to get to know him at least. It seemed like Trevas wished to talk to her, so Alys would try to stop being such a horrible conversation partner.

"Yes."

Obviously, the girls must be distraught over everything. Alys hoped that she would be able to form a relationship with them, but she was afraid that it might take some time, considering how fast everything was happening. Perhaps Trevas could help her find common interests with them, something that would make them bond faster. It was important to Alys, it might make her feel less like an intruder into the family.

“How do they feel about this?” Alys asked hesitantly.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

“Those are your daughters, right?”

Trevas glanced over at Ashara and Elaria then. Katlyn had told him to take care of them, and in a way he was. Often he found himself wanting to protect them, especially now with the Northerners coming. It was his duty to protect them, but his way of doing so was strange and probably unusual in the eyes of others.

He had married Elaria to Justan Bryne so quickly, but that was because they needed the Brynes for their army so they would be able to protect themselves. Ashara was still not married, but Trevas was sure when the time was right he would find her a husband that would strengthen them and protect them.

Every day he ran around in the castle, discussing politics and economics, always trying to do what he thought was best for them. Perhaps his family wasn’t able to see that aspect of his work since he was rather terrible at emotional care and support. It just wasn’t something he liked doing, and maybe that hurt them, but he didn’t really care for that either as long as his daughters were safe and not harmed.

“Yes.”

“How do they feel about this?”

His gaze fell on Alys as she asked, and he raised a brow at her questions. Here he had thought she wouldn’t speak to him for the rest of the day and now she was asking questions about his daughters. Honestly, Trevas had no clue what they felt about the situation since he hadn’t spoken to them, but he could imagine they were quite angry with him and perhaps angry with Katlyn as well. Though deep down he had no idea. The worst thing he could do now was, to be honest with her, he didn’t want to make it seem like he didn’t care for his daughters.

Trevas did care, but it was confusing, and he didn’t even want to explore those emotions he felt towards his daughters, but if he had to speak about them, then he would just to better his own position.

“Our marriage, or?”

"Yes. I imagine this is probably not easy for them."

“Of course not. I don’t think it would be easy for anyone.”

A part of him wanted to tell Alys that he would rather talk about something else. Thinking about his daughters and Katlyn just made him want to stand up and leave, but this was his wedding. He couldn’t leave, and he wanted to make this plan of his work. If Alys ended up hating him, he would get nowhere, and Gods, it was frustrating for him to even try. It took him such an effort to even pretend to be kind and loving.

"Exactly. Especially considering how soon after this is happening..."

“Does that bother you?”

"Yes."

Trevas reached for his cup of wine, taking a longer sip of it as he thought about what to say to Alys since it bothered her how rushed their marriage had been. To him, it didn’t matter as he wasn’t looking for love, but perhaps it mattered to her. He imagined it did since she was so young, and it didn’t seem like she had an understanding of how Aedighar worked with politics.

“I think it is a shame we didn’t get more time together before all of this, but I want to make the best out of our situation.”

"Of course, and I want the same. Are you ever going to answer my question, though?"

He chuckled, shaking his head a little, “forgive me. If you’re worried about what they feel about our marriage, I wouldn’t worry too much. They’re grieving, but I imagine they will come around to the idea soon enough.”

"If you say so. I do hope that I can befriend them both sooner or later."

That was something Trevas doubted would happen, but he didn’t want to kill the hopefulness in Alys. If she thought she could befriend his daughters, she could try. He imagined it would be very difficult for her, but he decided to just be quiet about it as his gaze drifted away from her and onto the crowd instead. Was he supposed to reassure her that his daughters would love her? That would just be too big of a lie for him to tell her and recover from.

If there was one thing he needed to remember it was to be careful with Alys, and he especially had to choose his words carefully around her. This wasn’t Katlyn after all.

Once again they both fell silent, and Trevas focused more on the feast than actually speaking to his new wife. He drank the wine in his cup and just observed everything that was happening around him. All the people that already seemed to have gotten way too much wine, and how his daughters looked rather unhappy sitting there by the table not far from his. Every time he looked at them it was like he could her Katlyn whisper in his ear that he had to take care of them, but he had no idea how.

All Trevas could try to do was motivate him with the plan he had against the Northerners and the rest of Aedighar that seemed to despise him. His daughters hadn’t even tried to come to him. Perhaps he would have talked to them then. All of that thinking about his family was starting to make him extremely frustrated with himself, and the urge to leave grew even bigger.

Instead he just took more sips of his wine and tried to calm himself down.

 

[desti]

Maybe it was the wine that made Alys a bit more bold, she never need much alcohol in her blood to already feel its effects. Perhaps it was just the frustrations in the back of her mind finally breaking free, or maybe it was a combination of both. She didn’t know, but Alys ended up requesting to Trevas that they’d leave early. Not because she was particularly looking forwards to how their night would end, but because Gods she was just ready to stop this day from dragging out any longer.

Just as Alys asked Trevas of that, she figured she’d add in a little addition about the bedding ceremony. She didn’t want to be carried off and have her clothes ripped off by these drunk men. It had never seemed like an appealing thought to her, and it just seemed uncomfortable to her. Alys didn’t want strangers to touch her like that, or shout obscene jokes as they made their way through the castle. She’d already have to overcome enough today, and Alys felt like she could request Trevas this small thing.

Thankfully, Trevas agreed to it. She was still a bit taken aback by how he had acted when she asked him about his daughters, and therefore they hadn’t really talked that much after Alys had asked him that. Her eyes often drifted over to the two sad girls, and her mind wandered around as Alys wondered if everything would be alright with them. Alys would just try to talk to them, but she figured she might give them a little space for now, since it might get a bit uncomfortable for all of them. She just didn’t want to be a stranger to them.

When the door of the bedchamber closed behind her, Alys almost immediately noticed the pitcher on the table and the two cups. She’d stayed with that one cup before, but now she suddenly realised that it wouldn’t be enough for what was bound to happen. During the walk to the room, Alys had avoided Trevas’ gaze as the realisation hit her. There was no real way out of this and Alys understood that, she just hoped that he was quick and that it’d be over soon.

A cup of wine would help, though. Alys looked inside the pitcher to find not red wine, but golden though it didn’t really matter that much as long as it was wine. She poured one of the cups to the brim and took a long sip. Somehow it tasted stronger than the wine at the feast. Absentmindedly, Alys wondered for how long the guests would stay and drink their fill, but she knew she was only trying to distract herself from everything that was to come.

Mother and the Septa had prepared Alys for it, but that had been such an uncomfortable conversation that Alys wanted to forget all about it. It sounded painful and uncomfortable, and Alys wasn’t even sure how that would work. There was something so strange about it, and it didn’t seem nearly as romantic and loving as Alys had initially thought. The wine would help her relax and stay calm, at least she hoped that’d be the case.

The room was so quiet that Trevas’ footsteps behind her sounded deafening and intimidating. Alys stared at the balcony in front of her and tried to focus on the taste of wine, but that was hard to do when she heard his voice. Had it been so loud at the feast? It almost felt like he was right beside her, speaking directly into her ear. It made goosebumps rise on her flesh.

"Is there a reason to why you wanted to leave early?"

“The feast was rather boring,” Alys answered quietly.

"Are you nervous?"

His hand felt so heavy as it rested against her shoulder. At the same time, it felt warm and comforting. It must’ve been the wine making her feel that. After all, that was her goal by drinking it in the first place. It didn’t help much with her nerves, sadly, but perhaps once she’d finish the cup…

“Yes.”

It was so cold in the room, the only heat came from Trevas behind her. She didn’t see the balcony doors being open, and Alys feared the room would always be this chilly. Maybe it was winter finally coming for Wheldrake?

“Why?”

That was something Alys didn’t wish to discuss with him or with anyone, really. It was silly, but Alys thought of that to be so inappropriate, doing it seemed to be less awkward than talking about it. The thought alone made Alys blush as she rose the cup to her lips again to gain some more courage out of it.

“Is it that hard to understand why I might be a little anxious?”

"No, it isn't."

Both of his hands were on her shoulder then and Alys felt her body grow tense at the feeling that was rushing through her. It wasn’t entirely unpleasant, but it made her feel uncomfortable. Alys wanted to shove his hands away and move, but that would’ve been a silly thing to do. It’d only make things worse.

“I apologise, Your Grace,” Alys mumbled and drank some more of the liquid courage.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

It didn’t surprise Trevas that Alys wanted to leave the feast before they were supposed to. Neither did it surprise him that she wanted to skip the bedding ceremony altogether. As the good husband he was pretending to be, Trevas had accepted her request. He didn’t have to explain himself to anyone or ask for permission to leave. It was his wedding, and the guests could stay at the feast and drink themselves stupid for all he cared. He imagined his daughters would leave too, but he decided to focus on Alys.

They reached the room that would be theirs now, and Trevas closed the door behind them as his gaze followed Alys. She walked over to the table where the pitcher stood. If she wanted to drink she would be allowed to, but she looked nervous almost. From where he stood her body still looked tense, and he could only assume that was because what was supposed to happen between them now.

Trevas walked towards her, stopping once he was close enough to look down on her even if she wasn’t facing him. This was nothing like his last wedding, but he wasn’t necessarily frustrated in that way like any other man probably would have been if they had Alys alone in their bedchamber.

"Is there a reason to why you wanted to leave early?"

“The feast was rather boring.”

That was something they could agree on. It had been rather boring, but Alys said it so quietly that he was sure that she was nervous now. He didn’t feel bad for her, and he found it rather normal to be nervous for whatever they would do, but he was supposed to make her feel safe. That was his motive, and he put a hand against her shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"Are you nervous?"

“Yes.”

What did surprise him now was the fact that she admitted to being nervous. A part of him had expected her to deny it, or lie to him, but she was honest which was something he genuinely admired. That also made it a lot easier for him to handle the situation. Trevas wasn’t the type of man to pressure any woman into anything, even if he was used to the things he had Katlyn had done. If Alys wasn’t ready, that would be fine with him.

“Is it that hard to understand why I might be a little anxious?”

"No, it isn't."

Trevas moved to stand right behind her, raising his other hand to rest against her shoulder. With his thumbs he gently stroked them against the fabric of her dress, wanting her to feel comfortable in his embrace. Even her shoulders felt tense as he rubbed them, but he was determined to make her feel more comfortable. If it worked out between them, Alys would have to stay with him for the rest of life.

“I apologise, Your Grace,”

“What for?”

"For being nervous."

There was a slight smile on his face as he leaned down, his breath ghosting over her neck. Trevas sighed before pressing his lips against her skin, a gentle kiss, and he left a trail of them all the way up to her jaw. Her skin felt soft against his lips, but all Trevas wanted to test her limits just a little bit. Perhaps she would even like it, but what did he know. He barely knew anything about Alys.

“I want you to be honest with me. If you don’t want to, we won’t. If you’re not ready, we won’t. Just tell me,” he whispered as his hands stroked down her arms.

"I don't want to. I'm sorry, I just can't."

“It’s alright.”

Trevas pulled completely away from her then, taking a step back to give her the space she seemed to need. Alys turned around, and that made him stay there even though he had planned to walk away. Their gaze met, and only now did it feel like they were truly looking at each other. She was still beautiful, but there was nothing special about her in his eyes. Just another beautiful woman that he had to see every day.

"Is it?"

“Of course. Do you think I would do something cruel like that?”

"I don't know you. I don't know what you might do."

A slight scoff fell from his lips then because it was true that she didn’t know him. He didn’t know her either, but the difference between them was that he believed she would never really get to know him. It was all a facade, but it was the right thing to do in the situation he was in. Perhaps he could make her believe that she knew him, but Gods, that would be a tough task for him to do. So much work, but it would be worth it.

“I would never do something like that. You’re my wife now. I’m supposed to protect you, not hurt you.”

"Thank you. I just need more time."

Trevas just nodded to that as he turned to walk towards the balcony. It was a little too early to get ready to sleep yet, and he figured Alys needed some time alone now. The fact that she wasn’t ready didn’t bother him. He wasn’t exactly looking forward to it either. A part of him was scared it would only remind him of Katlyn. How was he supposed to handle that? He felt so confused by Katlyn, and there was nothing he could do about it.

 

[desti]

The wine wasn’t helping. Strangely, the one thing helping her relax was Trevas himself, though he was also the main reason Alys was so tense in the first place. Both his hands had rubbed circles into her shoulders, and Alys felt almost truly cared for. At least for a second until she remembered what was going on and her whole body tensed back up.

Gods, when his lips pressed against her neck, Alys felt cold shivers run down her spine and this time she knew that it wasn’t from the coldness of the room. It didn’t feel bad, but it made her feel uncomfortable anyways. They had shared a few kisses, but Alys still wasn’t used to the feeling of his lips against her skin. Would she ever get used to it?

Alys had closed her eyes then, figuring that it would all happen soon. She wondered if it would hurt bad and if she’d bleed like the Septa had said. While Alys’ mind raced with thoughts and anxiety about the situation, Trevas said something that made her freeze in place.

It wasn’t bad, it wasn’t inappropriate. It didn’t make Alys shocked because of how vile it was, or how uncomfortable it made her. It surprised Alys, because Trevas was giving her a way out. He claimed that he wouldn’t force her into it, that he wouldn’t make her do it if she wasn’t ready. Alys wasn’t ready, not at all, but at the same time she didn’t believe his words.

Never had anyone told her that it was alright to say no. Alys had grown up with the thoughts that she always had to be a proper lady, always say yes and always do what pleased others. Now, she had her troubles sticking to that sometimes, but mostly she followed those rules in her head. Alys had walked into this room, thinking that she’d have to lay down on her back and do whatever it was Trevas would need her to do. She hadn’t even considered the possibility that she could say no.

But Alys did. She told him no, and she waited for him to change his mind. He was a man after all and Alys knew that men needed this more than women. It was also his wedding day and she was his wife, Alys figured that he would want this, need this, craved it maybe. But Trevas pulled away from her and told her it was alright.

That made Alys turn around to finally face him. She wasn’t upset that he was letting her decline, she was thankful to him for that. Other men might’ve taken her with force, which seemed terrifying to Alys. All day Trevas had been so kind to her, so thoughtful… there was something in the back of her mind, telling her that perhaps it was sincere. Alys still doubted if Trevas was true, yet nothing in his behaviour made her think that he was planning on breaking what he had said to her.

There was almost something like disappointment inside of Alys when Trevas turned and walked towards the balcony. She didn’t want to do that with him, but she had expected to at least talk with him for the rest of the evening. Perhaps he didn’t want to do that? It would only be right of her to respect his wishes like he had respected hers, but Alys wanted to speak to him. She wanted to get to know him and erase the image of the King in her mind. A bad King didn’t automatically make him a bad man, and Alys almost felt bad for judging him so early.

“That’s it?” Alys spoke before she could think much of it, “I thought we could talk.”

"We can talk. I just thought you needed some time alone, but forgive me."

Alys shook her head as she took a few careful steps towards him, “I’d like to spend my wedding with my husband, not alone.”

"Of course, I want to spend time with you too. I suppose we have a lot to talk about considering you barely know me, and I barely know you."

The only things Alys knew about him were hearsay. She knew what people spoke of him outside of Wheldrake, she knew what her Maester had taught her about his family, but that was about it. Apart from gossip and historical facts, Trevas was still a mystery to her. As to what he knew about her, she wasn’t sure. Maybe he only knew her name. It wouldn’t surprise Alys one bit.

“Do you know anything about me?”

"I have only heard kind words about you, but I don't know anything about you personally. I have no idea what you like to do, or what interests you in general."

Though Trevas could be lying, Alys still found herself happy that he’d heard good things about her. She took a sip of her wine and nodded slightly. If anything, Alys wanted to say that she had a shining reputation. As far as she knew, she’d never done anything wrong and she’d never given anyone a reason to dislike her.

Alys hesitated before speaking, “I can’t say I’ve heard many kind things about you.”

If anything, Trevas looked intrigued by her words. Alys imagined that he’d heard enough gossip about himself at this point, nothing should surprise him. How many years had he been King now? Longer than she’d even been alive, therefore Trevas must’ve heard enough lies about himself at this point. People so liked to gossip after all.

"What have you heard about me then?"

Something inside of Alys made her close the distance between them as she looked up at him, shrugging a little, “that you’re a tyrant, that you don’t care about anything or anyone apart from yourself. I’m sure you’ve heard gossip about yourself. My first impression of you wasn’t exactly nice.”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

The whole deal about getting to know Alys was something Trevas had forgotten about since he truly did not care for her as a person. He would protect her and keep her safe, but his motive wasn’t to do that to make sure she was okay. Alys needed to be safe and protected so Trevas would be safe in Wheldrake with the support of his people and House Karr. He also had the support of House Bryne, and with those two combined, Trevas was looking at a lot of power and money. Alys was the piece he was missing in his plan.

Trevas could have tried to be honest with her. Told her how important she was in this political game he was playing, but he imagined that would only hurt her. Did Alys even know about the Northerners? Trevas had not made a public announcement to the people in Wheldrake that a war was approaching them. He hadn’t told anyone about it except those in the small council.

Rumors spread fast though, so he wouldn’t be surprised if everyone in Aedighar knew of this rebellious plan of the Northerners. He wasn’t exactly shocked by them marching towards Wheldrake after what Trevas had done, but the Rhyne’s hadn’t bent the knee to him, and therefore they were committing treason. Any other King would have done the same, or at least Trevas liked to think that.

Slowly his mind was becoming a damn mess of political thoughts mixing with his own emotions that he seemed to struggle with a lot lately. It made him want to rip at his own hair and yell at everyone around it. He wanted to somehow forget all about Katlyn, all about his daughters, all about his mother. All these women in his life that was making his blood boil. Over the years Trevas had managed to lock those emotions so far away, but they were all in his head down, rushing through his body and it felt impossible for him to control them.

At least he managed to appear calm on the outside. He just stood there watching Alys as she moved closer to him. Was she expecting him to do something? He had tried to kiss her neck, and it hadn’t seemed like she liked that, and Trevas felt rather uncomfortable with affection unless it led to something else that Alys had already said she wasn’t ready for, so he felt a little out of place standing there with her.

“I can’t say I’ve heard many kind things about you.”

Trevas raised a brow at her words, curious to what she had heard about him, "what have you heard about me then?"

Again she moved closer, and now there wasn’t much distance left between them. Trevas wondered if he was supposed to touch her. After seeing her reaction, he wasn’t sure if that was such a good idea. It would make her uncomfortable, and he was sure it would make him uncomfortable as well. He wasn’t used to loving embraces or anything even close to it. Gods, he would probably have to get used to it with Alys if he wanted to win her over.

“That you’re a tyrant, that you don’t care about anything or anyone apart from yourself. I’m sure you’ve heard gossip about yourself. My first impression of you wasn’t exactly nice.”

“Do you believe the things they say about me?”

"Some of them, I suppose. They can't all be lying. Yet they mostly speak about you as a King, not as a man."

Trevas wanted to laugh and tell her that they could all be lying. He was the King, of course, people would say cruel things about him in an attempt to destroy his reputation. That was what the people did with every King. Even with the kind Kings, people would speak about how much of a coward they were. He hoped Alys understood that now people would say lies about her as well just because she was the Queen.

“I think most of it is just lies. Soon you will hear rumors about you just because you are the Queen. That is just how it is. You will be frustrated hearing the things people say about you, and you can imagine I don’t like the things people say about me, but I hope I can change whatever impression you might have of me.”

"I suppose that's true. Though I'm sure you understand it's hard to forget first impressions."

Trevas sighed, “how can I make it better?”

"I suppose you'll just have to convince me that the things I've heard are lies."

Hesitantly, Trevas reached for her hand while telling himself it would just be like earlier. He raised it up, leaning down to press a kiss against her knuckles with a slight smile on his face as he did so. Her fingers were so small compared to his, and he gave her hand a gentle squeeze before letting it go just in case she would feel uncomfortable like he did.

“Hopefully you will see that I only wish to be good to you.”

"Yes, hopefully."

All of this had to work out between them even if Trevas would never truly love or care for her. He needed to make her believe him and not those stupid rumors she had heard about him, even if he knew for sure that many of them were probably true. It didn’t mean that what he had done was wrong though. He still firmly believed that he was doing Aedighar good by being a harsh King, but he would never call himself a tyrant.

“I understand your worries, but if anything makes you nervous or unsure, tell me. You can be honest with me. I have already proved that to you.”

It was slightly hypocritical of him to say such things when he wasn't honest with her at all about anything, but Alys didn’t need to know anything about him. He could pretend for as long as he wanted to, and hopefully, he would be able to pretend long enough to make her trust him and be loyal to him.

 

[desti]

Truthfully, Alys wasn’t sure what she was trying to achieve. Something in her voice almost sounded as though she was challenging Trevas to do something, say something out of line. Alys felt almost safe around him now that she knew that he wouldn’t force her to do something she would rather not. It reassured her that perhaps Trevas truly did only wish the best for her.

Could that be, though? Alys had heard so many things about him, most of them bad. Of course, she figured some of them would only be lies stemmed of jealousy or perhaps a personal feud. Alys had written some things off as just that, but when many people started telling the same story about Trevas, she had a much harder time thinking up excuses about it.

Of course, they mainly spoke of him as the King. They spoke of his policies, and his attitude, how harsh and unforgiving he was. Alys knew to separate man from King, and yet how could the two be so different? Still, in front of her stood a man that was neither harsh nor rude, he seemed affectionate and yet there was some sort of distance he held between them. Perhaps it was that wife of his after all, and perhaps Trevas was just as uncomfortable with it as she was, but he was better at hiding it.

Perhaps it was that thought bringing Alys towards him? She imagined he had to lie a lot as King, perhaps he was lying now as well. He had seemed interested in her, nice towards her even, but it could’ve only been a white lie to avoid hurting her or a lie to secure a marriage.

Either way, Alys didn’t really mind all that much now that she had gotten over the initial shock of being sold by her parents pretty much. All she cared about was the truth, even if it might hurt her. She didn’t want Trevas to act around her, actually, as that might pain her even more. It was obvious to her and likely everyone around them that this was a strictly political marriage, but that didn’t mean that it’d have to stay that way.

“I understand your worries, but if anything makes you nervous or unsure, tell me. You can be honest with me. I have already proved that to you.”

That was true. Alys didn’t want to be foolish, but she didn’t feel that afraid to be alone in a room with him anymore. He wouldn’t hurt her. That had been one of her biggest fears about tonight, but Trevas had made it disappear. She would try to be open-minded about him, and try to see past the rumours she’d heard. It was the least she could do after the warm welcome she was given. But how could so many people be so very wrong?

“Can you be honest with me then?” Alys asked carefully, as she looked up at him.

Gods, Trevas could probably break her in half if he so wanted to. Everything about him was intimidating, and Alys felt so small standing in front of him. For a second the wine made her wonder what it would feel like to touch him, to press against his chest, but Alys blushed and drove the thoughts away from her mind. She didn’t want that. Not yet, at least.

“What do you think about all of this?”

"Well, I think I was just as skeptical about it like you might have been."

Alys nodded slightly, watching him carefully, “I suppose this might be tough for you, all things considered.”

The second that left her mouth, Alys regretted it. Sometimes she had trouble keeping words behind her lips, and her thoughts broke through before she could stop them. Still, even with the regret present in her mind, Alys still watched him, wondering if what she said might upset him.

"Yes, but that is in the past now. It doesn't matter anymore."

It mattered to Alys even if Trevas said that it didn’t. It bothered her to no end, and she felt so very uncomfortable with the thought. Perhaps even years later it would make her anxious. Thinking that this was a political marriage actually calmed her, because then Trevas would’ve had as little say in it as she had. Well, not quite, but something along those lines.

“Are you sure?” Alys asked quietly, carefully reaching out to rest her hand on his forearm in an effort to seem comforting.

"Yes, I'm sure."

Honestly, Alys should’ve just let it go. At the same time, she was much too caring of a person to do that. The wine also made it a bit worse, as she wondered if him showering her in affection and care was just a method of coping for him, an effort to replace someone he had lost. Perhaps Alys should’ve been upset at that, but she wasn’t. She expected nothing out of this marriage apart from children she could love. If anything were to blossom between them, Alys would be happy, but she wouldn’t be surprised if true feelings never came as sad as that might be.

“If you ever need to talk about it, I'm here. I’ve been told I’m a good listener,” Alys said as her hand traveled down his arm to touch his hand instead.

"I appreciate that."

Men were strange creatures, and Alys found that most of them tried to shy away from emotions. She didn’t understand that, but perhaps a husband would be more open to his wife. At least Alys hoped that would be the case, because she thought that if this would be between them they’d never get away from feeling uncomfortable. She squeezed Trevas’ hand gently as she gave him a smile, and Alys couldn’t help but wonder what the future might bring for them.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Relief
Chapter LV
House Rhyne
May all be as one
Nilfgaard, Northern lands of Aedighar
​

A whole month of silence had passed. Elias hadn’t heard anything from Lady Carlys or Arthor himself. It was highly likely that Arthor had passed away, that he was dead since Elias hadn’t heard a word from anyone. Even during the days he felt he was so busy he had no time to process his own thoughts, Arthor would appear in his mind, and Elias would find it nearly impossible not to worry about him. He prepared himself for the worst. Every morning he was expecting a piece of paper with the words of Arthor’s death written out on it.

When that day never came, Elias tried to occupy himself as much as he could. That wasn’t too difficult. He had been rather busy after they crossed the Eastern border. They were coming closer and closer to the King, and Elias expected that they would soon be marching towards the King’s army. Lord Brynden had to be prepared for that, and Elias was finding himself by the Lord’s side most of his day to advise him.

Then there was Antra who he couldn’t seem to get off his mind either. Nothing had happened between them, and still, Elias found himself mesmerized with her after waking up next to her. His arms had been wrapped around her body, and there had been nothing awkward or strange about it. He had almost expected to wake up with panic rushing through his veins, but instead, he had woken up feeling more safe and comfortable than ever. It was a whole other story when it came to Arthor. That morning had been somewhat awkward.

Antra was different, and even if Elias wasn’t supposed to enjoy her company like that, he did. It wouldn’t happen again though. Elias respected Antra so much that he didn’t want to push her in the wrong direction. She was a Lady, and he worked for Lord Brynden who was also her brother. Everything about that situation screamed trouble to him, and he had made a promise to Lady Carlys to serve Lord Brynden well.

By that Elias was sure that he wasn’t supposed to lay in bed with Lady Antra. There was no guilt or worries since it had been so innocent, and he knew he wouldn’t have minded doing it again, but he would put Antra first. He would respect her and her needs above everything else, and if she didn't want to experience his embrace like that again, Elias wouldn’t pull her down with him. It has probably just happened because Antra wanted to comfort him after what had happened with Arthor anyway, so Elias decided not to think much of it.

Even if they hadn’t laid on Elias’ bed since that night, Antra had still cared for him during the past month. Having her around felt so surreal. He would never understand what he had done to deserve such kindness from her. Whenever she was around, he felt a rush of warmth through his whole body. Just a simple touch was enough for Elias to feel comfortable even with the cold winter surrounding them. Antra was for sure something special, and she was like a fresh breath of air compared to the other Northerners.

And Antra was someone Elias couldn’t get enough of.

The snow had started to get thicker around them, and Elias had expressed his worry about how they would make it through the harsh climate to Lord Brynden. Though it seemed the further south they got, the lighter the snowfall was. Perhaps they had been incredibly lucky and managed to get ahead if the winter. Elias imagined in the far north it was probably hellish now, and he felt stupid for complaining about the amount of snow they were facing.

One morning the sky was so clear that the sun was lighting up the whole camp, making the snow almost blinding to look at it. It was a nice thing to wake up to compared to all the grey and dark mornings he had experienced the last few weeks. Elias felt almost happy because of the damned weather, and soon enough he found himself overjoyed. At first, when he had seen the younger man come up to him with a tiny scroll, he had feared the worst, but the words he had read couldn’t make him happier.

Arthor was alive.

It was such a shame that Elias couldn’t go to Antra right away. His day was packed with meetings, and he imagined he would have to spend quite a lot of time with Lord Brynden considering their position now. Elias found himself almost annoyingly happy about Arthor surviving. The fact that he couldn’t really express that happiness to Lord Brynden or any of the other men had made it difficult for Elias to focus during the day. He needed to find Antra, and he needed to tell her everything about how Arthor was alive.

A whole month thinking that Arthor had died hadn’t done Elias any good, but now he finally felt like he could relax. All that pressure he had felt and all that guilt had suddenly been washed away.

It had been replaced by excitement, and Elias almost found himself running towards Antra’s tent. He hoped she would be there as he couldn’t wait to tell her about it. Elias also wanted to thank her for everything she had done for him while he had thought that Arthor had died. Gods, Antra had been such a nice friend to him, and he would forever be grateful for all the kind things she had done for him. He wasn’t sure about how he would show that to her, and he figured he had already said it enough times already, but perhaps he could get creative.

Elias pulled away the two curtain pieces of Antra’s tent before taking a step forward and into the tent. Thankfully Antra was there. She looked busy and for a second Elias felt awfully rude for not thinking about that. It seemed like she was writing something, but that was none of his business.

“Lady Antra, my apologies if I am disturbing you,” Elias said, bowing his head slightly before he met her gaze with a smile. Gods, was she always this beautiful.

"Elias. You could never bother me."

The smile Antra had on her face as she got up suited her so well. He never wanted to see her sad, especially now that he felt so damn happy. It was like at that moment, Elias would swear to try his best to always make Antra smile. He wanted to make it his responsibility to entertain her and keep her company. That was what she deserved after everything she had gone through for him. All those evenings with him complaining and expressing his worry. Antra deserved to be happy, and Elias wanted to see that smile every single day.

“He’s alive. Arthor is alive.”

 

[desti]

The month had been worrisome for Antra. She had honestly forgotten all about the war, and hadn’t even noticed that they were in the East now. All of her thoughts were focused on Elias and a mad she had never met and likely would never see in her life. It was strange that Antra prayed and cried over a man she didn’t know, but he was Elias’ friend and Antra cared too much about his happiness.

It was obvious that he was suffering. As far as Antra knew, no other letters had come from Wheldrake or Santrella for Elias. While it was highly likely that Arthor had passed, Antra hoped and prayed that it wasn’t the case. She feared what might become of Elias if he’d ever get the confirmation that his friend was gone. Perhaps it was wrong of her to do that, but Antra cared so much about Elias that imagining that sent pain throughout her body.

All Antra wanted was for Elias to be alright, and she tried to help him as much as she could. She had been around him as much as possible during the last month, always ready to listen and comfort him. Sometimes Antra just stayed with him and talked about meaningless things, because she just didn’t want him to be alone. She didn’t dare to stay the night with him again, though, because that would be horribly improper.

It hadn’t been awkward, nor had it been uncomfortable. Antra was almost surprised at that. Gods, when she woke up, Antra had felt so safe and wonderful in his arms. Instead of waking up, she’d closed her eyes again and snuggled closer against his chest. Looking back on it now, that had been inappropriate. The whole situation had been awfully unladylike and her Septa might fall over dead if she’d find out, but Antra liked it. That surprised even her, but Antra couldn’t help it.

There was something intriguing, something special that pulled her towards Elias. She couldn’t explain it, but she felt so warm next to him, so happy whenever Elias was around. Whenever Antra saw him when walking through camp, she always felt that warmth rush through her. It was exciting and confusing, and Antra couldn’t get enough of it.

Antra grew to love the evening time, because that meant she could spend time with Elias. Even now, when he was sad and worried she cherished the moments they spent together. She feared one day it would come to an end, but Antra didn’t want to think about that now. The future was not something Antra liked to think about all too much, nor did it interest her. The present was so much more interesting.

Because she figured that Elias was still busy with Brynden and the other important men at camp, Antra figured she could write to Aryana. Admittedly, Antra had been awfully rude and forgotten to write to her. Not that she particularly enjoyed to write, anyways, her handwriting was neat but she made mistakes much too often just like with reading. Antra hoped Aryana wouldn’t be too mad at her for forgetting to write, but she’d been so very busy with taking care of Elias that it left her mind.

That was one of the things Antra wrote about. Perhaps she wrote a bit too much about Elias actually, though she never even mentioned his name nor what he was at the camp for since writing about things connected to the war was rather dangerous. Antra must’ve apologised about a dozen times for not writing sooner. Hopefully Aryana would forgive Antra’s forgetfulness.

“Lady Antra, my apologies if I am disturbing you.”

Writing took so much of Antra’s focus, that she hadn’t even noticed that Elias had entered the tent. She heard his voice and a blush immediately rose to her cheeks as she shoved the parchment under a pile of blank pages, likely smudging the ink by doing that. Writing it all over again would be miles better than Elias reading it, though.

Quickly, Antra stood up and looked over to him, almost surprised to see his smile. It fit him so well, it immediately made a smile rise to her lips too,"Elias. You could never bother me."

“He’s alive. Arthor is alive.”

Antra must’ve stood there with her mouth slightly agape for a while from the shock and happiness that she suddenly felt. Alive? Truly? Gods, it felt like a weight was lifted off her shoulders. Elias looked so relieved as well, so happy and excited about the news. It made her whole body tingle with joy.

Without thinking, Antra rushed over to Elias and wrapped her arms around his neck with perhaps too much excitement, but she hoped that he wouldn’t mind. Gods, she didn’t even know what to say. Antra didn’t even know Arthor, nor did she know Elias for that long, but she had been so worried, so upset. Some nights she wasn’t even able to sleep as she wondered if Arthor was still alive. Now, all those fears were gone and she hoped that it was the same for Elias as well.

Her feet were off the ground, and Antra chuckled quietly as she hugged him tightly. It wasn’t a hug a lady should give anyone, much less a male friend, but Antra didn’t care at this moment. She was too excited. Elias must be so happy, and it made her happy as well. She hated seeing him so distraught, and finally that would be over.

“I’m so happy to hear that, Elias,” Antra smiled, “that’s wonderful.”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

It surprised Elias too see Antra so happy for him. All the wait for just a few words seemed so worth it when Antra wrapped her arms around him. He was quick to catch her, holding her up from the ground as he gently swayed her from side to side. There was nothing better than knowing that Arthor was alive, and having Antra in his arms. It was all he could ever wish for, and he felt like the luckiest man in Aedighar. He had known Arthor for years, and he barely knew Antra, but both of them meant so much to him.

Elias nuzzled his face into her hair, not letting her go as he wanted to feel her close to him for the rest of the day. That was perhaps too much to ask for, and he quickly realized that as he put her down against the ground again so she could stand on her own feet. It was nice to hug her, but Elias was trying to calm himself down.

All of this excitement for Arthor and Antra felt slightly foolish of him. He was allowed to be happy, but it seemed as if he had reached a whole new world of happiness just because of Arthor and Antra. It felt good, but it also clouded his thoughts and made it difficult for him to focus. That wasn’t good considering the huge responsibility he had with Lord Brynden and Lady Carlys.

“I’m so happy to hear that, Elias. That’s wonderful.”

“I thought he was dead.”

Antra still had her hands resting against his shoulders while Elias’ hands were holding onto her waist. It looked inappropriate from how close they were, but he didn’t think much of it simply because he felt ecstatic about it all. They were both smiling, and he couldn’t take his eyes off her. He was getting so lost in her eyes while he gently squeezed her waist. Gods, he was foolish.

"He's alive, that's... Gods, I'm so happy."

“I’m happy too. I wanted to tell you right away, but I didn’t have time.”

Instead of saying anything, Antra pulled him back into a hug. Elias let out a pleased sigh as he felt her close again. Would he ever get tired of that feeling? He doubted that as he started walking them both towards her bed. There were no ill intentions behind it as Elias pulled Antra with him down onto the mattress. If anything he just wanted to feel her close and talk to her for the rest of the day. He hoped Antra would allow him to do so.

Elias laid down with his back against the mattress while Antra ended up beside him. They were still close as she kept her hand against his chest.

"So he's really alright? Or do you not know the details?"

“I don’t know the details. I know he’s alive, but that is about it.”

"Well that's fine. Him being alive is the most important part."

“I wish I was there with him now. I miss him.”

"I know. I'm sorry you're here, not with him. At least now you know for certain that you'll see him again one day."

It wasn’t too bad being with the Northerners without Arthor, but Elias knew he would have had it way worse if he didn’t have Antra there with him. Therefore there wasn’t anything to be sorry about. He wanted to tell Antra that, but instead, he found himself putting his own hand over hers. His fingers stroked over her soft skin, and Elias didn’t even realize how inappropriate it might have been for him to do so.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about. I’m glad I met you, and I would have never met you if I had stayed with Arthor.”

"I do feel bad that you're not able to be with him now."

“Don’t. I’ll see him after the war,” Elias reassured her.

"I suppose so... hopefully that's sooner than later."

Antra squeezed his hand, and he didn’t feel like telling her that a war could last incredibly long. Elias could be gone for months, a year even. Who knew? It all depended on how the battles would go. Of course he hoped as well that it would be sooner than later. He wanted to go back to Santrella and be with Arthor again. Since they had been beside each other for so many years, it felt strange not to have him there now. Elias missed everything about his friend, especially their drunken nights where they talked about everything and nothing.

“Let us not worry about that. I’m happy he’s alive, and even if I do miss him, I know I will see him again one day.”

"Alright. I'm glad that you're happy."

“I want to thank you Antra for helping me through this. I’m sure I have said it so many times already, but you have been so kind to me.”

Elias watched her as she leaned up from the mattress, smiling as their gaze met. Antra had truly been a wonderful friend to have, and it didn’t even matter to him that it was perhaps inappropriate for them to share such a friendship with each other. Elias was just thankful, and that was all he decided to care about. It wasn’t like anyone else knew of their friendship, or at least he didn’t think so.

"You don't have to thank me, Elias. You needed someone and I was there for you because that was the right thing to do."

“Not everyone would have done that though. You’re a kind person, and I want to thank you for that.”

 

[desti]

No doubt that if someone were to walk in and catch them in Antra’s bed, laying so close to one another, they’d get a strange idea in their minds. To Antra it didn’t even occur, really. She was just enjoying Elias’ company, and she was so happy about everything that the inappropriateness of the situation didn’t click with her. They were just friends and there was nothing wrong with this.

If they could lay like this forever, Antra wouldn’t have minded. She felt so safe and happy laying next to Elias, their hands holding each other’s on top of his chest. It was so intimate and yet it didn’t feel strange at all. Maybe it should’ve, because Antra barely even knew Elias. At the same time, it felt like they’d known each other for years now.

To Antra, it seemed like there had been an instant connection to Elias. She wasn’t sure if he felt the same and she didn’t really expect him to anyways. It really didn’t feel like they’d been friends for just a few weeks now. To Antra, it felt like ages had passed and that they had shared so many moments and memories together.

With what had happened to Arthor, this feeling inside of her only grew. Antra liked Elias, she liked him a lot actually, and she hoped that perhaps he also saw her the way she saw him. Elias was kind, though, and Antra thought that their friendship was genuine. The only thing she was worried about was whether or not it would survive once Elias would inevitably leave.

The one thing that made Antra not dread the day Elias would leave was that he would finally see Arthor again. That made her feel warm inside as she thought of how happy Elias would be to meet him once more after all of this. At least one good thing would come from them separating, and Antra would try to cope with the loss of him by thinking of that. But the war wouldn’t end for a long time, and Antra wasn’t sure if she was happy or sad about that.

“I want to thank you Antra for helping me through this. I’m sure I have said it so many times already, but you have been so kind to me.”

Antra didn’t think there was anything Elias should thank her for. She had spent her evenings with him because that was what any good person would’ve done in the situation. How could she leave him alone after seeing how broken he was after the horrible news had reached him? No, Antra wasn’t able to be so cruel and apathetic.

“You don't have to thank me, Elias. You needed someone and I was there for you because that was the right thing to do."

“Not everyone would have done that though. You’re a kind person, and I want to thank you for that.”

“Well, you’re welcome, I guess,” Antra chuckled, then smiled, “thank you for everything you’ve done for me as well.”

"You deserve it."

As Elias’ lips pressed against her hand, Antra felt her heart skip a beat. She felt silly and immature about that, but at the same time it was so sweet that Antra couldn’t help herself. It was almost hard to care about how foolish her feelings were when Antra felt so elated.

“Thank you for that, though, really. This journey would be dreadful without you.”

Not only would it be horribly boring, but Antra felt that she would’ve never been able to truly smile if Elias hadn’t been by her side to help her through everything. He made her happy, he made her feel joy again. Around him, Antra found it easy to smile and laugh, and it almost felt like normal again. She loved that and she was grateful to Elias for it.

When Elias smiled at that, Antra’s heart started to beat faster. It sounded so loud in her head that she almost expected Elias to hear it. She wouldn’t have been surprised, because in her mind it sounded as loud as war drums. Elias’ words didn’t exactly make it lessen in volume and speed.

"I'm glad we have each other then."

“I’m glad too,” Antra smiled and before she knew it, she leant up and pressed her lips gently against his cheek.

It was meant as a polite gesture, but Antra regretted it the second she thought more about it. They weren’t in an appropriate situation in the first place, and now she had certainly overstepped the boundaries. But Antra couldn’t help it, for some reason her mind refused to connect the dots when it came to this. It should’ve felt wrong, but it didn’t. She should’ve felt bad and inappropriate, but those thoughts disappeared the second she thought of them.

The fact that Antra pulled away only slightly likely didn’t help either. Their faces were so close that Antra couldn’t help but look at every detail of Elias in front of her. He really was handsome, and she found herself blushing at the thought. Still Antra stayed still as her gaze lingered on his. Shivers ran down her spine when Elias raised his hand, brushing his fingertips through her hair as he tucked a strand behind her ear. There was something strange in the way he was looking at her now, but Antra couldn’t quite understand what it was. Gods, it felt like her heart might burst from the speed it was racing in.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

There was a kiss pressed against his cheek, and Elias saw it mostly as a sweet gesture, and still, it somehow managed to spread this warm, comfortable feeling all through his body. Antra was one beautiful woman. Throughout his life, he hadn’t really taken the time to get to know any women on such a personal level as he felt like he was with Antra. She made him feel something, and Elias wasn’t sure if it was a good thing of him that he wanted to explore whatever that was, but Gods, they were so close.

Elias raised his hand to stroke a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear. Her cheeks were flushing in such a pretty color which made her look even more beautiful if that was even possible. His gaze fell to her lips for a split second before meeting her gaze again. He wanted her, and he wasn’t sure if it was because he felt so damn happy or if it was indeed Antra making him crave her.

“Forgive me.”

"For what?"

The urge inside of him caused him to put his feet against the ground and stand up from the bed. He leaned over Antra, taking both her hands to pull her up from the mattress, so they both were standing by the edge of her bed. Gods, he wanted to make this so special for her, and Elias raised a hand to cup her cheek as he tangled his other hand in her hair. How terribly inappropriate it was of him to want her like he did, but he couldn’t help it as he leaned down to let his lips caress hers in a gentle, but sweet kiss.

Elias sighed softly while his lips moved against hers. The hand in her hair traveled down her body, stopping at her waist so he could pull her even closer to him. He was getting carried away with the kiss as they stood there, not realizing that it might have been Antra’s first kiss. The feeling of her lips was too good to pull away from. It was such a sweet kiss, and he didn’t want it to ever end.

It became even better when Antra kissed him back, and Elias felt his knees grow weak at that feeling. He was gentle with her, not using his teeth or his tongue, just his lips slowly moving against hers. Just as his lips started to feel raw, Elias pulled away from it. His gaze fell on her immediately, and he had a smile tugging at his lips. Now he was just looking for confirmation that what he had done wasn’t wrong of him to do.

Antra smiled back at him, but only for a second or so before her cheeks flushed even more and instead she was hanging her head. It looked like the kiss had made her incredibly shy.

“Hey,” Elias said, putting two fingers under her chin to lift her face up again. That made her look at him again, and he was glad that she was smiling. If not he would have scared that he had hurt her or offended her in any way by kissing her. Still, he felt the need to ask, “are you okay?”

As she nodded, Elias sighed a sigh of relief that he hadn’t upset her. He didn’t want to feel guilty for kissing her when it felt so damn good. Now he imagined he would struggle quite a lot to keep his lips away from hers, but Elias also had so much respect for Antra that he wouldn’t do that again unless he was very sure that she wanted him to. The most important thing to him was to make sure she was comfortable.

“Are you sure?”

"Yes."

“Good.”

Elias wrapped both his arms around her small frame, pulling Antra into a hug. Perhaps she just needed to feel comforted to know that there was nothing wrong about this when in reality there was. She had said she was okay, so perhaps she wasn’t even worried, but she seemed so incredibly shy with her flushed cheeks and that bright smile of hers, not saying a word to him. Elias wanted her to feel safe, so he stroked his hands against her back while he didn’t let her go.

Antra was hugging him so tightly back which made him smile even more. Everything about her made him feel so good. How was that even possible. Elias had only known her for a few weeks, and still, they had already kissed. Perhaps Antra thought he was desperate now. He hoped she didn’t think of him any differently than before because of the kiss, and he slightly doubted that Antra felt terrible about it since she was still hugging him.

It was such a shame that he didn’t dare to kiss her again as he pulled away from the hug. If he could, he would have kissed her all day, but the one kiss they had shared was likely enough for Antra. He wondered what she honestly felt about it. Everything about her seemed fine in his eyes. She wasn’t crying, and she wasn’t hitting him and calling him a fool for what he had done. He was just worried about her.

“Perhaps I shouldn’t have done that, my Lady,” Elias chuckled as he tried to meet her gaze.

"Probably."

It was difficult to tell if it had been wrong or not only because it had been an innocent kiss they had shared. Nothing more. Elias would have never gone too far with Antra as that wasn’t appropriate for them. A part of him wondered what her brother would have thought if he knew they had kissed, but there was nothing behind it. Elias just liked Antra, and she was a beautiful woman that he had wanted to kiss. That and the fact that Antra seemed to be okay with it kept Elias calm about the situation.

“I enjoyed it though. A lot.”

 

[desti]

Nobody would ever say that Antra was improper. Quite the opposite, she had made a reputation for herself by always being courteous and as ladylike as possible. Mother had always been so happy with how proper Antra was, especially compared to Rhea. She was always so kind and rule-obeying, and Antra wondered what had changed.

When Elias’ lips met hers, it didn’t feel wrong at all. Antra knew that it should’ve, but she could only tell how good it felt. It was inappropriate, wrong even, but it felt so nice that Antra hardly cared. All she could really think about was that Elias was kissing her. Gods, could it be true? It almost felt too wonderful to be real life, perhaps she had fallen asleep while writing that letter?

The kiss made her realise that she most definitely felt more towards Elias than simple friendly attraction. That must’ve been why he was always on her mind, both day and night. It explained why Antra felt as though her whole body was quivering from how wonderful his lips felt against hers. All the kisses from songs and stories must’ve made the maidens in them feel like this as well. It was wonderful and Antra wanted to feel it again and again.

It wasn’t hard to understand why this was wrong, but Antra still didn’t let that cloud her mind. All thoughts she let herself think about concerned Elias and how lovely his lips felt. Would they kiss again after this? Antra thought she would like it. Kissing was even better than Antra had originally thought. Or maybe it just felt so good because it was Elias?

While Antra didn’t think what they’d done was bad, she still couldn’t help the blush that rose to her cheeks once they pulled apart. She wasn’t sure if she was blushing because of happiness or embarrassment, but it seemed that the pink would never leave her cheeks. When Elias spoke to her, Antra couldn’t even really answer. It felt like her tongue was twisted and couldn’t form words, and all Antra could do was smile and nod at him.

Hugging Elias brought back the warmth her body has lost when their lips left each other. Antra hugged him so tight as though she was scared he might leave her. It was a silly thought, but still Antra pressed tightly against him. She wondered if she came off as too needy to Elias, but she hoped that wouldn’t be the case. Antra didn’t want to seem foolish and immature in his eyes.

“Perhaps I shouldn’t have done that, my Lady.”

Elias was chuckling, and Antra couldn’t help but start smiling again, "probably."

Though Antra knew that they likely shouldn’t do it again, she wasn’t sure if she would be able to resist kissing him. Gods, it felt so good. How could one kiss ever be enough? No, as much as Antra wanted to be proper, that was simply impossible. She finally understood why temptations took ahold of the body sometimes, and why they were so hard to resist.

“I enjoyed it though. A lot.”

That made Antra’s heart flutter again. Elias had liked it too. Now that she had confirmation of that, Antra had to resist from smiling even brighter. Gods, her cheeks already burnt from how long the smile had sat on her face. That was alright, though, and Antra couldn’t help it anyways. It just crept back to her lips without her realising.

“Me too,” she said quietly.

As though reading her mind, Elias leant down and pressed their lips together once more. Somehow it felt even nicer now and as if out of instinct, Antra raised one of her hands to rest on his cheek while the other moved to lay on his shoulder. It felt like her legs might give out on her any moment, and Antra leant more towards him as she tried not to faint from happiness.

It was a shame that Antra probably wouldn’t be able to kiss him as much as she’d like to. Perhaps one of these days she’d understand that this was wrong and she’d tell him that this had been a mistake. Right now Antra didn’t feel like that, and everything in her body was telling her to continue kissing him. If Brynden was to walk into her tent now, she doubted she’d even notice or care.

Antra pulled away slightly after a while, letting out a quiet giggle as she looked up at Elias. She stroked her thumb over his cheekbone gently, as her eyes looked over his face again. Antra would like to know what he thought about this, what he thought about her. Perhaps now wasn’t the right time to ask about it, though. Maybe he just wanted to talk about Arthor tonight again. Antra wouldn’t mind.

Gods, Antra wished Aryana was here. It’d be even better if she had Rhea by her side, but… well, Aryana would be good enough. She wanted to tell her everything and she wanted to hear from Aryana what she thought about it. Perhaps Antra was just being foolish, letting her emotions make her judge the situation poorly. She’d need someone else to evaluate what was going on and tell her their thoughts about it.

Now Antra wouldn’t worry about that. Maybe she’d mention it in that letter she’d so hastily hid from view. Antra was so bad at keeping secrets, she wouldn’t be able to keep her mouth shut and it’d be best if she’d vent to Aryana rather than someone else. She could only imagine how angry Brynden would get, he was always so protective to the point where it was more annoying than helpful sometimes.

What would Brynden think about this? Antra’s lips still tingled from the feeling of Elias, and she wondered if Brynden would understand. They weren’t doing anything bad, their kisses were still rather innocent in Antra’s mind. They were innocent, and yet they made Antra’s whole body feel it’s effect. She almost felt rebellious while doing this, and it made adrenaline rush through her veins when it really shouldn’t have.

“We should stop, right?"

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Their lips met again, and though Elias had almost promised himself he wouldn’t kiss her again, he also couldn’t help it. They had both enjoyed it. There was no crime in enjoying kissing Antra, as long as he didn’t take it further which wasn’t even on his mind while their lips moved against each other. Kissing often made him frustrated, especially when it came to Arthor and the evening in the library. Once again, Antra was different from Arthor. If anything all Elias realized while kissing her was how much he actually liked her.

It was surprising that in such a short amount of time that he has grown so close to her, but it was difficult not to feel something for her when she was so damn kind to him. Antra was easy to talk to. It felt like she was always listening to every word he said, even if she probably wasn’t. She would have this look in her eyes making her seem interested too. Elias often felt like he was giving people around him that he was rather boring because he would ramble about his passions. With Antra he didn’t feel like that.

Elias would never forget Antra if he ever had to leave her, which he knew he would have to one day when it was time for him to go back to the South. His stay with the Northerners had been made so much better because of her, and he was looking forward to the upcoming weeks or months with her even if they would be in a middle of a war. He knew he would worry about her a lot, but hopefully, she would be safe.

As Antra pulled away from the kiss, Elias wanted to pull her right back again. His mind was so conflicted with his own emotions. He wanted to respect her and her decision to end the kiss while his emotions were telling him to kiss her over and over again. In the end, he listened to his thoughts and let Antra pull away from him as she giggled which caused him to chuckle too. Her thumb was stroking over his cheekbone, and Elias leaned his head against her gentle touch.

“We should stop, right?"

“Maybe we should. Do you want to stop?”

"Not really. Do you?"

Instead of answering, Elias placed his hands on her waist, taking one step closer to the bed to pull them both down onto the mattress just like earlier. This time he made sure to pull Antra down on top of him. The kiss he pressed onto her lips was just as sweet and gentle as before, but now his hands roamed over her body. Starting at her waist, he stroked his fingers along her back and up to her shoulders. He wanted to touch her, not in a sexual way, but more of a loving embrace while he sighed softly into the kiss.

Antra still had her hand against his cheek which made the kiss a whole lot more innocent than it looked since she wasn’t touching him like he was touching her. She didn’t seem to mind that his hands were traveling over her body, but Elias also made sure not to touch her places where he might risk making her uncomfortable.

His hands stayed mostly on her back, sometimes traveling up into her blonde hair only to tangle his fingers in it. Only now did he start feeling his blood rush down south. It was difficult to control that sudden urge growing inside of him, but he knew he had to as he didn’t want to make it awkward between them.

Perhaps it was the fact that he hadn’t been with any woman in a long time that was making him feel such a way only from a kiss, but it wasn’t only a kiss. Antra was laying on top of him, and that sent his mind racing with thoughts about things he could do to her.

Elias pulled away from her lips. Instead he pressed a trail of kisses along her jawline. He continued down to her neck, right below her ear, but stopping before he could keep going. This was making him way too frustrated, and it was clouding his mind about how he needed to be respectful of Antra.

“I’m sorry,” he was quick to say as he pulled away from her neck.

Antra wasn’t letting him apologize. As soon as those words had left his lips, she had kissed him again. This time Elias couldn’t hold back the soft moan which now caused him to be the one blushing. Luckily he had enough control to keep his hands safely resting against her back even if his whole body was aching to touch her. It was all happening so damn fast, and it almost felt like they were rushing into something that would come to bite them later. Still Elias didn’t find it in him to stop.

As long as Elias managed to keep himself calm and collected there would be a problem about them kissing.

Carefully he turned them around to have Antra beneath him on the mattress. With his one elbow digging into the bed beside her body, Elias kept his own body just hovering over hers so he wouldn’t crush her. He loved the feeling of her hands against his arms, and Gods did it make him want to do things to her. It felt like an internal battle with himself trying to push those thoughts away, but now he was moving to lay between her legs. That control he had was slowly being washed away.

“We should stop,” he breathed, moving away from her lips.

"Oh?"

Antra looked somewhat disappointed by that, and Elias could only assume she had no idea what kind of control she had over his body. She was making him crave things that he hadn’t craved in a long time now, and he liked to think he had enough respect for her to not go there with her, but he was scared. The last thing he wanted to do was to make her incredibly uncomfortable, which he imagined it would do if he would try to get something more than a kiss out of her. He was so damn foolish.

“There’s nothing wrong about this. I just want to be careful with you. I don’t want to hurt you.”

 

[desti]

“Maybe we should. Do you want to stop?”

A small voice in her head told Antra to say yes. In all honesty, Antra knew that this was bad and that a lady shouldn’t do such things, but Gods did it feel good. Whenever she thought such things, Antra just told herself that it was alright - they were in a war after all, who knew if they’d even survive this therefore who could blame them for enjoying the time they were given?

"Not really. Do you?"

Even through her dress Antra felt how warm his hands were as he lead her back to the bed. Elias laid down and pulled Antra down on top of him before he kissed her again. Seven hells, even now that they were on Antra’s bed she didn’t hesitate to kiss him back. Later she’d look back on this and wonder how she hadn’t moved away from Elias, felt uncomfortable, felt awkward.

Whenever Antra had imagined herself doing such things, she’d always blush and feel uncomfortable at the thought of it. While she did blush now as well, Antra didn’t feel uncomfortable whatsoever. With Elias, this just felt so natural, so right that there was no question about being comfortable or not. It was almost strange how close Antra felt to Elias, but he had become such an important person to her.

To Antra it didn’t even really matter that he was older, that he was a man or anything else like that. All she knew was that Elias was such a sweet person, so kind and thoughtful. Antra loved his company, she loved all the evenings they spent together. Gods, she even loved listening to him talk about things she honestly didn’t quite get fully, but just seeing the way his face lit up when he spoke about his interests made her so happy.

Needless to say, Elias helped Antra fill the emptiness inside of her after Rhea’s death. Of course, he couldn’t make the pain go away fully, but he could make her feel better. Around him, Antra almost felt normal again. Especially when he spoke about those things he was doing at camp, showing her maps and explaining things to her. It made her feel connected to Rhea in some way, even if that was foolish.

By helping Elias out when it came to coping with Arthor’s situation, Antra felt as though she was saying thank you for all he had, perhaps unintentionally, helped her with. It made Antra feel better to help Elias as well, because she always felt as though she was bothering him, even though she never really burdened him with her problems and thoughts. Now it felt like they both were even, and Antra felt happier than ever around Elias. She felt safe and understood, and that mattered so much to her.

Elias’ hands felt so nice as they moved over her back and shoulders. They felt so comforting and warm, and Antra could’ve melted from his touch alone. Though Antra was slightly disappointed when Elias pulled away, she was pleasantly surprised when his lips pressed against her jaw. They travelled down to her neck and all the way to her ear, and Antra shuddered at the feeling. It made her body feel strange, not uncomfortable, just strange.

“I’m sorry.”

The only thing Elias should apologise for was stopping. Antra leant back in and pressed their lips together again. She smiled against his lips as they turned over. Even when Elias was on top of her in such a compromising position, it didn’t feel strange. Antra moved her hands to gently rest against his biceps. When had it gotten so hot in her tent?

Again, Elias pulled away from her lips, “we should stop.”

Antra frowned ever so slightly, tilting her head a little to the side, "oh?"

“There’s nothing wrong about this. I just want to be careful with you. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Hurt me?” Antra raised her eyebrow.

"I mean I don't want to do anything that might make you uncomfortable."

Elias’ words made Antra realise what exactly they were doing. This wasn’t a simple kiss with an appropriate distance between them. They were laying in bed together, this was nowhere near appropriate behavior. What if someone were to walk in? Gods, Elias would be in trouble and Antra didn’t want that.

“Oh,” Antra whispered as the realisation hit her, her mouth agape as she stared at Elias.

If at first it hadn’t felt bad at all, now Antra was wondering if Elias got the wrong impression. She liked kissing him, that was for sure, and she liked how his hands felt against her body, but anything more frightened her. Anything more sounded bad, she would upset everyone herself included if she were to do such things with someone who wasn’t her husband. Another blush rose to her cheeks the more she thought about it.

"I'm sorry,” Elias said, moving off of her.

Antra bit her lip slightly, and sat up on the bed, looking over at Elias. She still didn’t quite regret it, what was there to regret? She had enjoyed it and they hadn’t gone too far. Antra wasn’t upset about what had happened, she was upset about what could’ve happened.

“You don’t have anything to apologise for,” Antra said as she reached out to touch his hand.

"Are you sure about that?"

Squeezing his hand reassuringly, Antra nodded with a small smile, “I’m sure, Elias.”

Even now Elias sounded so sweet that Antra couldn’t help but admire him. He was so wonderful and she was so very lucky to have met him. She hoped that this wouldn’t change anything between them, and that Elias wouldn’t feel bad about what had happened, because nothing wrong had been done after all. Antra wanted Elias by her side like before and she wouldn’t allow this to make them feel awkward or uncomfortable around each other.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

It felt like the world around him was spinning as Elias moved off of Antra. She had left him completely breathless, and his heart was pounding in his chest. In his mind everything was so clear on what he wanted to do to Antra, and it was such a shame that he wouldn’t be able to experience that with her. Even when he felt like his whole body was going to burst from frustration, Elias had so much admiration for Antra that he wouldn’t go there with her. It was almost embarrassing how frustrated she had made him.

When was the last time he had been with someone like that? When was the last time he had even kissed someone else than Arthor? Elias felt like a young man again, eager to explore the world of wine and whores. He remembered how easy it was for other women to make him frustrated back then. Over the years though that urge had slowly faded, and Elias had found himself with more control over his own body.

That seemed to have changed now with Antra, and it was so strange because usually, Elias had only felt that urge after drinking too many cups of wine and with Arthor by his side. It almost frightened him how badly he wanted Antra, and how much he wanted to keep kissing her for the rest of the damned day. She had made him forget all about the fact that Arthor was even alive. All that was on his mind now was her.

Elias was staring into nothing as he wondered if Antra truly meant it when she had said that he had nothing to be sorry for. He wasn’t really worried about the fact that he had ruined something between them. If anything he was just feeling like a fool because he wanted nothing more than to kiss her so innocently, but then his own mind and body had betrayed him. Hopefully Antra understood that.

Once he felt her hand squeeze his, Elias shifted his gaze towards her. That smile on her lips made it impossible for him not to smile back. Her touch was also reassuring to him that he hadn’t gone too far. Elias would have gladly kissed her again and again, he would have spent the night with her if he could, but that was only if Antra was okay with it. Only then would he be comfortable with it as he wanted to be sweet and patient with her.

That was what Antra deserved after all.

“Do you regret it?”

"No, not at all. Do you?"

“I would be a fool if I did. You’re so beautiful, so kind,” he mumbled as he sat up so he could rest his hand against her cheek. How could he ever regret kissing her?

Elias watched Antra as she raised her hand to put it over his. None of this had managed to ruin anything between them. He felt rather close to her now after what they had shared together. If anything it had helped him understand his admiration for Antra a little more. It made more sense why he felt so comfortable around her because now he saw how attracted he actually was to her. In reality that wasn’t good because they would never be able to do something, but all he felt was a slight attraction to her. Nothing more.

It became rather silent between them as Elias started stroking his thumb over her cheekbone. He didn’t mind the silence. It wasn’t uncomfortable. It was rather nice as his gaze was locked on hers. Those kisses had opened a whole new world to him. A world he wanted to explore so badly, but he knew he couldn’t. At least Antra didn’t regret it. That was nice to know.

“I will never regret this, Antra.”

"Neither will I."

Antra turned her head slightly, and Elias smiled as she pressed a kiss against the palm of his hand. He had managed to calm himself down now. That initial urge to do something more had faded, and the pressure in his body wasn’t as high anymore. It made it easier for him to breathe and actually focus on the real Antra in front of him, and not the one he’d had in his mind.

It felt like he was at a loss of words now. There were so many things he wanted to say, but at the same time, he didn’t know how to say it. He wanted to tell her over and over again how perfect she looked, but he didn’t want to be annoying. All he could do was keep stroking that cheek of hers while smiling like a fool at her. All day he had been feeling so damn overjoyed about everything. This must have been the best day of his life, truly.

“Do you want me to stay?”

Antra nodded, "if that's alright."

“Of course.”

Elias laid down with her onto the bed again. Antra pressed against the side of his body which caused him to wrap his arms around her body, pulling her closer to him. He pressed a kiss against her forehead, chuckling at how nice and right everything about her felt. The consequences didn’t seem to matter to Elias, and neither did it seem like it mattered to Antra. In the back of his mind, he knew how stupid it was, but did it even matter? Nothing had happened other than a few kisses. That was all.

A satisfied sigh fell from his lips once Antra put her head against his shoulder. He glanced down at the arm she laid over his body.

“I think this day has to be one of the best days of my life. I’m so incredibly lucky,” Elias chuckled while stroking his hand over Antra’s back.

 

[desti]

Seeing Elias so happy of course made Antra filled with joy as well. She’d never shared something like this with anyone and it made her happy that it had been Elias that showed her how wonderful it was. It was a shame that Elias seemed to be much too low-born for Antra, but she tried not to think about that. She just wanted to enjoy their moments together now and not worry about when Elias would have to leave.

“Do you want me to stay?”

It was a silly question because of course Antra wanted him to stay with her. After that night she had accidentally stayed at his tent, she had always wanted to repeat it. Maybe it seemed silly and immature, but Antra had enjoyed how warm and content she felt laying in his arms. Waking up with him had been so wonderful, and it had been a great task to leave the warmth of his bed.

Though Antra had wanted to repeat it, she’d been too shy to ask Elias about it. Then it seemed that it had just been an accident and that Antra should forget about it, so she just stayed quiet and tried to push it to the back of her mind. Now it was all she could think about, that and Elias’ lips. Perhaps now they could stay the night at each other’s tents more often.

The thought was so inappropriate and so rebellious, that Antra wondered what was wrong with her. She wasn’t sure if it was all of these events together that made her act like she did, or perhaps it was just because of Elias. If Brynden would hear about this, he likely wouldn’t even believe it at first. Nobody would, but Antra didn’t really mind.

Antra nodded at his question, "if that's alright."

“Of course.”

With that, Antra laid back down on the bed, pressing tightly against Elias’ side. She moved her arm to lay over his middle, and rested her head on his shoulder. It felt so wonderful, so right, and Antra smiled when Elias pressed a kiss against her forehead. Antra was almost convinced that this had to be a dream. How could something so perfect be reality?

Ever since father’s death, everything in Antra’s life was going wrong. It felt like it was a never ending hill going down, and Antra often wondered if it’d ever get better. Aryana had made it a bit easier, of course Brynden and Willelm did as well. With Elias, though, she forgot all about her worries. She had no fears with him, and it was so easy to smile and laugh whenever he was around. Antra loved that.

“I think this day has to be one of the best days of my life. I’m so incredibly lucky.”

They were both lucky to be here. Antra was so happy that she had met Elias that day, that Brynden had made her show Elias around camp. If that hadn’t happened, would they still have found each other and ended up here? Antra liked to think that they would’ve found each other regardless of the circumstances, as fate had a way of bringing people together. She smiled and looked up at Elias.

“One of the best days? Tell me about the other ones then,” Antra smiled, absentmindedly stroking his side with her fingers.

"I barely told you about it once, but the day Arthor and I had enough evidence to accuse the King was a good day. One of the best. That day I could truly see what a good friend he is to me. I think I have already told you so much about him already. I don't want to bore you with that."

Nothing Elias talked about could bore Antra. Sure, he rambled quite a bit and she didn’t understand everything, but the way he spoke made even the dullest things interesting. Antra could listen to Elias talk the whole day and night. Especially when he spoke about Arthor, Elias’ face lit up and Antra loved to see the smile he had when talking about his friend. It didn’t make her feel jealous or anything, she was just happy for Elias and that he had someone like that by his side.

“You wouldn’t bore me, Elias,” Antra smiled, “keep talking, if you’d like. I enjoy listening to you, no matter what you're talking about.”

"I could just say that the days that I consider to be the best days of my life usually has something to do with Arthor,” Elias chuckled.

Gods, it made Antra happy to hear that. She loved it when people had someone like that, and she was happy that Elias had Arthor. He’d have someone to return to once he’d leave the Northerners, and that made Antra feel better about the thought. Though Elias had already told Antra quite a lot about Arthor during the past month, she figured that the two might have even more stories to share, considering how long they’ve been friends for. Antra didn’t want to pry, but at the same time she would love to hear more.

“That’s wonderful. You’re very lucky to have someone like that by your side,” Antra said quietly, “I’m glad you have him.”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

“One of the best days? Tell me about the other ones then.”

Most of the days Elias considered to be good were those he had spent with Arthor. There were a few who he for sure liked better than others, but most of the time he and Arthor had so much fun with each other that it was often difficult not to feel overjoyed around that man. That evening in the library had been very eventful, and that was the first day that came to his mind as Antra asked. There were certain details about that night he would rather not tell her about. He wondered what she would have thought of him if she knew about that.

Elias had been all over Arthor, touching him and kissing him as if they were something else than friends. Though he had been drunk as well, so perhaps that was why. At first it had been awkward for Elias to think about what had happened. It wasn’t like he felt any sort of romantic or sexual attraction towards Arthor, but now looking back at that memory, Elias didn’t feel uncomfortable about it. If anything he just missed it.

It was strange how his friendship with Arthor was. Through the years of their friendship, Elias had often found himself embracing and kissing Arthor. Most of those events were heavily influenced by wine, but it had happened more than once. They would share touches with each other that always made Elias’ heart pound in his chest, and as long as they were drunk, he would never seem to hold back on flirting with his friend.

"I barely told you about it once, but the day Arthor and I had enough evidence to accuse the King was a good day. One of the best. That day I could truly see what a good friend he is to me. I think I have already told you so much about him already. I don't want to bore you with that."

Elias wasn’t scared of boring Antra. He was more scared about the fact that certain details of his story were missing, and he wanted them to stay unknown to her. It didn’t seem like a good time to tell her that he had kissed Arthor a lot, or inform her about how close they actually were. He wanted Antra to feel special, which she was, and he feared that perhaps she would feel as if the kiss had meant nothing to him since he kissed his other friend as well. Then there was the whole aspect that he had no idea what it actually meant with Arthor.

“You wouldn’t bore me, Elias. Keep talking, if you’d like. I enjoy listening to you, no matter what you're talking about.”

"I could just say that the days that I consider to be the best days of my life usually has something to do with Arthor,” he chuckled.

That was the truth. There had been other good days for him as well, days that always made him happy thinking about, like the day the Hastwycks had taken him into their household. Never in his whole life had he expected to live with and advise someone as important as them. Elias had grown up in a rather small household. His father wasn’t anyone of importance, and neither was his mother. He had grown up with his three older brothers, all of them still alive, or so he assumed. It seemed so long ago since he had seen them.

It had always felt like he was the runt of the litter with his family. Instead of having a fascination with swords, Elias wanted to learn about the world. He would follow the Maester around as soon as he had learned how to put sentences together. Even as a child he had been known for his rambling. Question after question would pour out of his mouth, asking the wise man about everything he knew. Gods, thinking about that made him want to go back and thank the Maester for his patience and kindness.

Almost every day he would hide out of his family’s sight just so he wouldn’t have to embarrass himself in front of his brothers while they were training to become skilled fighters. Elias had learned the temper of his family the hard way. Just as a little boy he had walked around with a red and swollen cheek.

To this day it surprised Elias that he'd dared to run away as young as he had been when he ended up in Santrella. It was slightly ironic how his family always pushed the thought of serving House Hastwyck as great knights into his and his brothers' heads, and now Elias was serving Lady Carlys as a strategist. He should have been proud of himself for that accomplishment, but it was pure luck that Lord Benam and Lady Carlys had seen potential in him. He hadn’t done anything special to achieve what he had gotten.

At least he had gotten away from the people who were supposed to be his family. That was why he never thought much of titles and being the best in everything. All he sought for was happiness, and he had found that with the Hastwycks and Arthor, and now with Antra.

“That’s wonderful. You’re very lucky to have someone like that by your side. I’m glad you have him.”

Even if Antra spoke so quietly, her words snapped Elias out of his thoughts.

“I’m very lucky that I have you as well,” he mumbled as he leaned down to press another kiss to her forehead. All those thoughts about his family just made him want to focus on Antra now.

"I'm lucky too. You're such a wonderful person, Elias."

Elias watched her as she pressed a kiss against his shoulder, and he smiled at the sight. If there was anything he needed now, it was to feel her close, and even though Antra was already pressing against his body, Elias slightly pulled on her to get her to lay more on top of him again. He wanted to see those beautiful eyes of her and forget all about his past. He wanted to forget all the stupid inns he had stayed at, trying to find ways to pay for his stay. He wanted to forget about everything connected to his family.

“So are you,” he chuckled.

It felt so nice having Antra nuzzle her face against his neck, and his hands stroked over her back just like earlier. If only they could lay like that every single day. He would have given anything for that to happen, but it was so unrealistic. He still wanted to enjoy it for as long as he could though.

 

[desti]

Sisters.
Chapter LVI
House Wynver
Forwards From Beneath
Wheldrake, Crownlands of Aedighar
​

Rowan had broken his promise to her.

That day was still so vivid in Ashara’s mind, even though nothing had happened. Though Ashara had tried to stay up for as long as possible, she must’ve dozed off sometime before dawn, she remembered waking up without the feeling of Rowan’s warm body beside her. . He must’ve already been at the trial, and Ashara wasn’t able to focus on anything that day. She had tried to eat, but even that proved to be too challenging. All Ashara had been able to do was to pace around her room and overthink everything.

Every time Ashara heard footsteps outside of her door, she would get excited. She waited for them to stop by her door and for Rowan to open the door, but he never came and the footsteps just walked by. As the hours went by, Ashara became more and more worried, and when night fell outside, she knew that her own sun had set as well only hers wouldn’t rise back up again once the dawn broke.

There was not a minute during that night that Ashara actually managed to sleep. All she could do was stare at the door and cling onto some long lost hope that she still held. Whatever shred of hope Ashara had, died when Septa Minella came into her room. She’d always been a kind woman and Ashara had nothing against her, but the news she brought made her yell at the woman to get out of her room.

The Septa hadn’t said that Rowan died, only that Ashara’s mother had lost the trial and was being executed in the coming days. Ashara felt a twinge of sadness about the loss of her mother, but Rowan was the main thing on her mind. The whole night Ashara had managed not to cry, but once the Septa left, that seemed to be all she could do. The tears seemed to just go on and on for hours, and nothing seemed to be able to stop them. Ashara even tried to make herself smile by remembering all those wonderful memories with Rowan, but that only made her sad again because she’d never get to experience that again.

They were supposed to be together, they had planned everything out, Ashara had done everything just so that Rowan would follow her wherever she’d go. They’d had everything and they’d lost it. It made Ashara angry, since the future had looked so bright. She’d been so fucking happy for once, and now that had been taken away from her. Why were the Gods always so cruel to her?

Her happiness seemed like a faint memory after a few weeks of loneliness. Even her body worked against her, making her feel nauseous at times and her blood didn’t come that month. Ashara figured it was from the sadness and her lack of routine. All she ever did those days was break the promise Rowan had asked her to make, she did exactly the thing that he didn’t want her to do, but Ashara couldn’t bear to leave her bed some days, much less her room.

The execution of her mother came and went by, and Ashara shed no tears over it. After all, it was mother who chose Rowan as her champion. It was her fault that he was dead, and Ashara didn’t grieve much over her death. After everything mother had done, Ashara felt no will to keep her in her thoughts. Whenever she thought of her, she remembered how worried Rowan had looked that night. Mother had forced him to partake in this which had cost Rowan his life.

It made Ashara upset, and it made her incredibly angry. She wanted to scream at someone, and usually it came out at her handmaidens since nobody else really came to her room. Ashara couldn’t help it, the anger would just burst out of her and befall whoever was in front of her at the time. She didn’t care anymore anyways. Father’s opinion about her rude behaviour didn’t matter to her anymore.

While Ashara had been somewhat happy to please father and mother with her well behaviour, she figured those days were over. She didn’t want to pretend anymore and she didn’t care if it enraged father or anyone else at court. They could think whatever they wanted, punish her if they wished to do so. Ashara had only put up the act because of Rowan, and now that he was gone she didn’t care anymore.

Every hour of the day, Ashara’s mind was buzzing with thoughts of Rowan. She remembered all the foolish things she’d said to him, especially on the night before, and Ashara felt so horrible for every word that had left her lips. Gods, Ashara loved him and she missed him to the point where nothing apart from Rowan mattered to her. Everything just felt so pointless, meaningless.

What had brought her to Elaria’s room was still a mystery to Ashara. It was the day after father’s wedding, which Ashara had attended but not really. Her mind had been elsewhere, even during the feast which she left as soon as father had. She didn’t care about his new wife or even him all that much. He hadn’t even spoken to her once so far, which hurt and upset her greatly.

There was nobody Ashara had truly spoken to during the past month. She had bottled everything up inside of her, she had thought it was better that way but with every passing day it just became worse. Ashara felt so sad and so angry, and she just didn’t know what to do. She needed someone to listen, someone to hold her and tell her that it was all alright, but Rowan had been the only person she had trusted enough to do that. Who did she have left now?

Almost as though begging her to go to her, Ashara’s mind reminded her of Elaria and Timos. Their situations weren’t the same, nowhere near the same actually, but they had both lost the men they loved. Suddenly Ashara felt a twinge of guilt for how she’d acted towards Elaria when she understood that now she was acting the same way. If there was anyone Ashara would be able to tell about all of this, it was her.

Even if they weren’t that close anymore, Ashara still remembered how good their childhood had been together. Perhaps Elaria hated her these days and Ashara wouldn’t blame her, but she just needed someone now. If she would send her away, so be it. Ashara would just try to deal with this on her own, like she was already doing.

For some reason, Ashara felt incredibly uncomfortable as her hand knocked against her door. She didn’t expect much from this, she just needed to talk to someone and hopefully Elaria would be there for her now that she needed her sister. Uncomfortable or not, Ashara had already knocked so it was too late to leave now anyways.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Everyone in the castle has seemed to move past the horrors that had happened a month ago. Elaria was free to walk wherever she wanted now. She could walk down to the gardens, or to the shore, but even with her freedom back in her hands, Elaria found herself closing herself back into her room no matter how miserable she felt so isolated from everyone. The only people she would speak to were her handmaidens, but she had started ignoring them as well. Elaria didn’t even look at Justan anymore.

Before their fight, Elaria had been able to look at him, but she was avoiding his gaze at all cost. Not a single sound came from her lips whenever he was around. Though even if they didn’t speak, it seemed as they had a mutual understanding of each other to the point where Justan hadn’t touched in any way she didn’t want to after it had been made clear that her father was remarrying.

Elaria couldn’t feel more betrayed. She had struggled through months of unbearable evenings with Justan to try to please her father. All that for nothing. Elaria felt useless, like her existence didn’t matter to anyone in the castle. Often it felt like she would be better off dead. One slip over the balcony and she would fall to her death, and no one would even notice. She had been used and broken only so her father could remarry and bring his own new heirs into the world.

It didn’t even bother her that she wouldn’t be Queen if her father and his new wife would get a son together. She didn’t want to be Queen anymore. All she wanted was for all the suffering to end. Some days it seemed so tempting just to do it while Justan wasn’t in the room or when he was sound asleep in their bed. Still it was just a temptation almost like there was still an ounce of hope inside of her that something would change. Elaria was oblivious at times, thinking that there was even a chance things would get better.

After the wedding between her father and Alys, it had become more clear to her though. There was no hope anymore.

Perhaps the Gods had known all along that this would happen and that was why Elaria wasn’t with child yet. In a way, she was thankful that she wasn’t because she didn’t want to know how that would have changed her opinion on the situation, but she could never feel happy for the things Justan had put her through over and over again. Everyone around her had broken her, tearing her apart, and she didn’t feel like herself anymore.

Before Timos’ death, Elaria had been so kind and loving towards everyone around her. She had always felt happy knowing she would marry the love of her life, and in one day her whole life had changed for the worse. It had hurt her so damn badly that she couldn’t even seem to grieve over her mother anymore.

It was the day after the wedding, and Elaria sat at the edge of her bed when there was a knock on her door. At first she wondered if Justan had become so pathetic he was now knocking to get inside their room, but to her surprise, it wasn’t Justan who stood on the other side when she had moved to open it. Her younger sister stood there, and Elaria felt at a loss of words at how unexpected it was.

Ashara and her had never really gotten along. Elaria remembered clearly how her sister had treated her after she had lost Timos and had to marry Justan. It wasn’t exactly easy to forget as Ashara hadn’t been very nice towards her, but Elaria didn’t hate Ashara. If anything she just tried to avoid her because she knew that her sister would never be there for her. She couldn’t help but to wonder if things would have been different with Ashara’s support though. Probably not.

“Ashara?” Elaria furrowed her eyebrows as their gaze met.

There was no answer. Ashara just looked at her, and she looked just as confused as Elaria felt. She couldn’t think of a reason why her sister was there. If she wanted to talk about their father, she didn’t see a point in even trying to do so, or even if she just wanted to talk about the wedding, Elaria wondered why Ashara had come to her about it then. They had never shared their personal problems before, but maybe Ashara had just come to see her so she could yell at her for something. Elaria wasn’t sure.

“Is there something wrong?” She asked.

It was truly the day of surprises because before Elaria knew it, Ashara was crying. Tears were rushing down her cheeks, and she didn’t know what came over her when she grabbed her sister to pull her into a hug. Elaria was the eldest. It was usual for the eldest to care for their younger siblings, and she did care for Ashara in some way. Seeing her cry had definitely awakened something in her that caused her to feel bad for her sister without even knowing what was wrong or if anything had happened.

Elaria stroked her hands against Ashara’s back, holding her close. It actually pained her to hear Ashara’s sobs. What had hurt her so badly?

Before anyone could see them, Elaria pulled Ashara with her into her room, closing the door behind her before both her arms were around Ashara’s body again. Lately she had forgotten about Ashara, not even once thinking about how she was doing in this situation with their father remarrying. Now, Elaria didn’t even know if that was what Ashara was sad about. They hadn’t spoken to each other in such a long time that Elaria couldn’t just start assuming things about her sister anymore. She barely knew her.

“What’s wrong, Ashara? What happened?” Elaria pulled away from the hug, resting her hands against Ashara’s shoulders, so she was still holding her sister close.

 

[desti]

When Elaria opened the door, Ashara just wanted to run away. Her feet seemed to be glued to the floor though and wouldn’t budge, while her eyes were stuck on Elaria. Discussing problems wasn’t exactly what Wynvers did, at least Ashara hadn’t really experienced that. She felt so awkward and foolish, and every bit of Ashara wanted to leave right away before she’d say something that would make her sound as pathetic as she felt.

For once, Ashara understood how broken their family truly was. Weren’t they supposed to go through this together? Wasn’t father supposed to comfort his daughters and weren’t the two sisters supposed to look after one another? That had almost what life had been like back when Ashara was a child, but now doing things like that felt wrong, foolish. Still, throughout the awkwardness, there was a bit of Ashara that just needed to see Elaria, needed to feel that she wasn’t completely alone in this horrible world.

“Is there something wrong?”

How could Ashara ever begin to explain what was wrong? Everything had been fucked from the start, really. For years, things had been wrong and Ashara only now truly realised it. She understood how bad of a sister she truly was, how distant father was and how mother obviously picked favourites. The one thing that made Ashara forget that, make life bearable and make her feel truly happy had been ripped away from her. How could she ever live without his touch, his smile and his warmth?

The tears broke lose before Ashara could stop herself. Thinking about Rowan almost always managed to do that, but doing it in front of someone else made her feel awful. She felt pathetic, as though it was a crime to grieve a loved one. Ashara hated crying in front of people, it was so weak and sorry looking. The only person she felt comfortable doing that around had been Rowan as well, Gods he could always calm her down and make her feel better whatever it had been that upset her.

When Elaria hugged her, it felt wrong. Ashara tried to close her eyes and imagine that it was Rowan’s arms around her, but Elaria was so different. It didn’t stop her tears, it didn’t make her feel better. It should’ve, considering that it was her sister trying to comfort her, but Ashara felt nothing as she stood there in her embrace. Gods, it made the sadness inside of her mix with anger. It felt like she’d never ever feel happy again. How could she live on without Rowan?

It made another sob break through her, and Elaria pulled her into the room, closing the door which made Ashara a bit more comfortable. She hadn’t realised somehow that they were in the hallway, a place where anyone could walk in and see Ashara in such a pathetic state. Gods, what would they think of her then? Did she truly care?

Right now, Ashara didn’t care what Elaria thought. She probably thought she was being foolish, but Ashara didn’t want to hear anything about it. She wanted to receive comfort from Elaria, feel her arms around her even if it didn’t help, and perhaps her sister would even spill out some meaningless phrases that were meant to fix everything. In the end, Ashara just wanted to talk. She wanted, no, she needed to tell someone everything. Ashara doubted it would make her feel better, but, Gods, she just needed to talk.

“What’s wrong, Ashara? What happened?”

Elaria pulled away from the hug then and Ashara felt her hands on her shoulders. Ashara raised her hands to her face and wiped the tears away, though new ones were bound to start again soon enough. Gods how Ashara wished it was father, not Elaria. She’d always seeked comfort from him when she was little, not anyone else. But obviously she couldn’t go to him. A part of her didn’t even want to go to him. A part of her hoped that mother’s death hurt him greatly, but, judging by the way he hastily remarried, it likely didn’t.

It was wrong, but Ashara hoped that Elaria was hurting as well. She figured that she would be, knowing that mother was executed for the murder of Timos Hastwyck must’ve been tough to deal with, having all of those memories rushing back to Elaria again. Ashara knew how much grief Elaria had suffered through after the boy’s death, and now she found herself hoping that the sadness had come to Elaria again. If she was to suffer, she wanted others to do the same. It didn’t make her feel better, though. Nothing made her feel better.

“Everything’s wrong, Elaria,” Ashara shook her head and pushed away from Elaria as she went deeper into the room, wrapping her own arms around her body in a failed effort to soothe herself.

"Everything?"

“When did you finally get over Timos’ death? How long until you could breathe again?” Ashara asked, turning around again to face Elaria.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

It was clear that something was disturbing Ashara. Elaria didn’t even understand why she felt the need to help her sister. That decision wasn’t in her hands though. She couldn’t just decide not to care for a person she had grown up with. That was why it had been so much easier just to avoid and ignore Ashara because it made Elaria feel so uncomfortable caring for a person who treated her so badly. Now she didn’t have the heart to tell Ashara to get out of her room. It looked like she needed help, and Elaria wished to help.

Perhaps Elaria would feel better about herself if she managed to help her sister. She wished those dark thoughts she had in her head would stop, but even now when she glanced quickly over at the balcony, the urge was still there. If she spoke to Ashara, maybe she could help her?

Elaria wondered if Ashara was even interested in hearing about her problems. She wanted to tell someone about what happened between her and Justan, but she had no one to talk to.

For months those emotions had been locked away, and Elaria was surprised that she managed to stay so calm seeing Ashara cry. Those feelings inside of her were supposed to rush out, and she wanted to cry with her sister. Instead she just stood there feeling empty, except for the small ounce of care she felt for Ashara. If they had talked to each other sooner, Elaria imagined she would have been an emotional mess with her sister.

The sadness had been so overwhelming to her, but now it almost felt normal.

“Everything’s wrong, Elaria.”

Elaria watched Ashara as she pushed away from her, walking deeper into her room. Perhaps she should have followed her, but Elaria didn’t. She stood there just watching her sister, confused as to what the problem truly was. A part of her didn’t even want to know because it felt wrong caring for Ashara after everything that had happened, but Elaria was so lost she didn’t even know what to do anymore.

"Everything?"

“When did you finally get over Timos’ death? How long until you could breathe again?”

That was the last thing she had expected to be asked by Ashara, and the question didn’t make any sense coming from her. All this time it had seemed as if Ashara was rather annoyed with Elaria about how she had acted after Timos’ death. Ashara hadn’t understood her grief, and Elaria just looked at her sister wondering what to say to her. Would she scold her for still feeling sad over her dead lover?

Elaria sighed, shrugging as she walked over to the table in the room where the wine stood. It was so tempting to fill a cup and drink it, but instead, she just leaned against the table, ignoring the pitcher for now.

“I’m not sure. Why are you asking? I thought you didn’t care about what happened to Timos and me.”

The truth was that Elaria still hadn’t gotten over Timos’ death. Every night she thought about him, especially after the trials. She imagined she would never truly get over Timos. They had been in love, and their connection had been so deep that it seemed impossible to forget what they had shared with each other. Elaria felt pathetic for still mourning over him when it had happened so long ago.

"Well now I care. Tell me."

“I haven’t gotten over it. I don’t think I ever will.”

Ashara turned away, and Elaria could hear the quiet sobs and understood that she was crying again. She wanted to go over to her and hug her, but now the whole situation was even more confusing. Why was Ashara asking about Timos and the grief Elaria felt for him? Nothing seemed to add up in her mind, and she furrowed her brows as she tried to think about what could have happened to her sister.

That was rather difficult when Elaria had no clue what had been going on in her life for the past few years now.

“Why does my grief matter in this situation?”

"I just wanted to know if it ever gets better, easier. I guess not."

“Is this about the wedding?”

It was starting to sound less and less about being miserable about the wedding or their family in general. Elaria wanted to tell Ashara to just say it already as it would be a lot easier for her to care for her sister then. Now she just felt like she was trying to help someone who didn’t even want her help. That wasn’t exactly enjoyable for her, and it made it very difficult for Elaria to actually care.

"What?"

“Are you sad about father and Alys?”

Elaria doubted that she was, but still, she asked just to make sure that wasn’t what Ashara was sad about. Perhaps she was sad about their mother's death, but in some way, Elaria doubted that as well. Gods, Ashara was so confusing that it made her head hurt just trying to figure her out. To think that they were actually sisters seemed so strange to her as they had nothing in common and shared no trust or love.

"I don't care about that."

“Then what is it? I can’t help you if you don’t tell me,” Elaria sighed.

 

[desti]

Why had Ashara even thought for a second that this was a good idea? She felt so uncomfortable talking with Elaria, so awkward as her tears continued to come back to her while she tried to fight them back. They were so adamant though, and whenever Rowan’s face came to Ashara’s memory, they threatened to spill. It was so stupid, and now that Elaria had said she’d never gotten over Timos’ death, Ashara felt even worse.

It was frightening to think that Ashara’s sadness would have no end. One day, Ashara would have to marry a man she could never love and be stuck with him for the rest of her life. She knew she would only ever think of Rowan, he had been her love and the only man she could ever see herself with. Ashara felt like they wasted so much time they could’ve spent together. It felt like they’d only been together for a week when he passed, when it had been months in reality.

Every part of Ashara wanted to go back to her room and lay down. She was always so tired these days, exhausted from crying and thinking. But again her legs stubbornly betrayed her and stayed unmoving. It was too late now anyways. If Ashara suffered the embarrassment of crying in front of someone, then she might as well let it all out now.

While Elaria and Ashara weren’t close these days, Ashara had nobody else to go to. She doubted Elaria cared all that much. At least Ashara didn’t care about Elaria and Timos, even though now she understood what Elaria was feeling. If anything, she felt jealousy over it. Elaria had gotten years with Timos. Ashara had had only a few months.

It only proved to Ashara that Elaria knew nothing when she asked if this was about father’s wedding. In all honesty, Ashara didn’t care all that much about it. She’d spent the whole day feeling like a mess, only wanting to return to her bed that felt so cold without him. Still, the wedding hadn’t really affected Ashara emotionally. She couldn’t care less about Alys.

“Then what is it? I can’t help you if you don’t tell me.”

Ashara wiped her cheeks again and walked over to the table where Elaria stood. She eyed the pitcher of wine, but didn’t reach for it. Strong drinks had never really been in Ashara’s liking. She didn’t like the taste and she especially hated her mind getting cloudy, and even now when she was overcome with grief she didn’t indulge in drinking, as many might do.

Her tongue was itching to tell Elaria. But how could she even begin the story? It was all such a mess in Ashara’s mind that she couldn’t think of a proper way to begin. She stroked the edge of the table with her finger absentmindedly while her mind raced to think of a beginning, a middle and an end. Ashara promised herself, though, that she wouldn’t cry now. No matter how much she’d like to, she’d refuse to do it again. When Ashara would be alone in her room again, she’d let her emotions take over once more, but for now she just wanted to talk and that was it.

“Do you remember Sir Rowan?”

Gods, saying his name felt so strange. Ashara spoke to him late at night when she was upset and foolishly felt as though he could hear her. This was different though. She hadn’t really spoken to anyone about Rowan ever since asking father to make him his sworn shield. Obviously Elaria must remember him. Ashara figured that he’d probably escorted Elaria as well at times, though Ashara liked to think that he’d always been more prone to being by her side rather than anyone else’s.

“Yes?”

All those memories flooded Ashara’s mind. She remembered Maiden’s Day and that kiss she had asked Rowan to give her. He should’ve said no. Gods, Rowan should’ve said no and then Ashara wouldn’t feel like this. In a way, Ashara was blaming Rowan and it made her feel horrible. It was just a small part of her, really. Even though she was aching so badly now, Ashara didn’t regret anything they’d done. Those had been the happiest months of her life after all.

In an effort to keep herself from crying, Ashara hung her head and closed her eyes to calm herself down. She took a few deep breaths, feeling as though it was getting hard to breathe. Again, Ashara reminded herself that she didn’t want to cry anymore. It was easier said than done, but for now Ashara kept herself calm.

“I was in love with him.”

The words left Ashara’s mouth so unexpectedly that she was almost surprised at her own confession. It was strange saying that to another person, but it also made Ashara somewhat relieved to finally tell someone. Rowan would always be her true love, Ashara knew that. There was nobody in this world she could ever love even half as much as she loved him. If only she would’ve gotten to tell him that.