Advice please

[Cavil]

Hey. I'm looking for some advice regarding this, among other things:

Spoiler

My ex broke up with me a few days ago, and we were only together for a month or two when she said she needed some space. I didn't want to hinder her, so I lied and said I did too. She wanted to be friends with benefits but I just wanted to be friends. This is the problem. When I text her to say hello, she always shoots back a text that says 'Wanna meet up to [hook up].' or something equivalent to that. So last night I called her out on it, but she never answered me. This morning she asked if I wanted to meet her for lunch but I'm reluctant to agree since the last time we hung out it ended in a hook up. What should I do? I don't want to stop talking to her but I don't know what else to do. Besides that, we get along pretty well.

 

[Lithia]

Every situation is different and ends up in different places but for me friends with benefits was not one of my best choices in life. I couldn't separate feelings and emotions from actions and all it did was confuse me for nine months. It's really up to you but I would maybe try hanging out with her in group settings so maybe hooking up isn't an option at least until she gets the hint.

 

[Kaerri]

To me, it sounds rather like she wants the benefits of a relationship without the responsibilities. Group settings are a good idea. If she wants to meet for lunch, maybe arrange things so that there's time to go out (not to a fancy restaurant, but maybe fast food or casual) but not time for anything afterwards.


I think you also ought to make it plain, assuming you haven't already, that you want to be just friends.


Relationship advice is hard over the internet, but I hope this helps!

 

[Poe]

I totally agree with @Kaerri. It's all about how much responsibility she is willing to shoulder and unfortunately it doesn't sound like much. I would really stick with group settings until you two can manage to co-exist without that constant looming "will we, won't we" feeling. For friends with benefits to really work, both people have to want the same thing or at least be at a level of real understanding with what is and is not okay. If you haven't told her yet that you're not interested in being friends with benefits, I would tell her -- but honestly, the more you let yourself fall into the pattern of going back to her despite knowing what she really wants from you, the harder it will be to let go of her.

 

[Cavil]

Well uuhh... I don't want to be 'that guy' but maybe you should read the definition of this section again.

You just became that guy. You resurrected a dead thread for the purpose of telling me that I was breaking a rule. Thanks I guess, because I couldn't figure that out on my own.


/ sarcasm