Poetry A Child Whines Without Noise or Tears and No One Notices

[Venom Adhamm]

A blood-black nothingness began to spin
And I stood in the center of the swirling dark
Enveloped, encircled, ensnared
I felt as though I'd fallen into this prison
But when I looked up, searching for the light
I was only greeted by its absence

A blood-black nothingness began to spin
It took the shape of faceless people
Surrounding a faceless me
I stretched out my hand
I opened my heart
But there was no one around
No one near to hold them dear

A blood-black nothingness began to spin
I wanted only to be free of it
Try as I might, I could not claw my way up
With each passing moment, I sank
Down, down, down, down, down
How much deeper would I fall?

A blood-black nothingness
What do you see when you close your eyes?
A blood-black nothingness
If I looked in your heart, what would I see?
A blood-black nothingness
What do you see when you open your eyes?
A blood-black nothingness
What does love feel like?
A blood-black nothingness
What do you dream of at night?
A blood-black nothingness
Where is your happy place?
A blood-black nothingness
Where do you see yourself in five years?
A blood-black nothingness
What does it mean to feel "normal?"
A blood-black nothingness
When was the last time you felt okay?
A blood-black nothingness
You've been pushing all day.
A blood-black nothingness
Why are you pushing on?
A blood-black nothingness
You're only pushing against a wall.

A blood-black nothingness
Began to spin and spill
Forced from the blue tunnels beneath a yellow surface
Each moment like this blends into the next
Just the same as each day, month and year
I've long forgotten how to feel
We are but cells and atoms
Floating aimlessly and dying pointlessly
We're all without hope
We're all trapped by this void
Forced to beg for release

Or maybe I'm just feeling crushed.

Maybe I'm just feeling crushed
I know my perception's not right
People are more than just their parts
But I just can't see that
I'm bitter because I'm alone
And I'm alone because I'm bitter
I'd gladly blame anything for that
I'd blame my race or my height
I'd blame my face or my weight

But I'm not strong enough to blame myself
I know there's something wrong with me
What is wrong with me?
Maybe I'm just feeling crushed. Because sometimes, it's really all too much. When will I ever get what I want? I've never been able to do anything right. Am I going to drift like this? It feels like there's nothing I can do. If there was, well, I'm too tired for it now. I'm just a kid. I think this is a bit...

Is sex real?
Is that a real thing people do?
I find it unbelievable
To think people younger than me have found someone
Someone willing to share themselves in such an intimate way
I can't even imagine myself having it anymore

Is kissing real?
Is that a real thing people do?
I find it unbelievable
To think people younger than me have found someone
Someone willing to...

Is hand-holding real?
Is that a real thing people do?
I find it unbelievable
To think people younger than me have found someone

I don't hold hands.

I don't kiss.

I don't fuck.

I don't love.

I don't know if I can
Have I ever?
I don't remember
I don't remember how I ever felt about crushes before...
I only remember how I felt after
I must've come up with the worst pick-up line of all time
Every girl seemed disgusted by me when I said it
It went:
"Would you go out with me?"

I don't remember where this was going. I don't remember where I was going. Was there ever a plan? For this? A structure? A resolution? No, there couldn't be. How could I write something with structure if I've never had structure? How could I write a resolution if I've never felt resolve? How could I do anything right if I've only known how to fail? I'm feeling crushed. I'm suffocating. How long has it been since I've been able to cry? Sometimes I just, I just feel like. I don't know.