doedeer
Member
01.17.2018
/no name #1 - elliott smith/
/no name #1 - elliott smith/
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location
jack's house
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the bitter cold nipped at the girl as she walked through her front yard. luke was sitting in the front seat of the black lamborghini with his head down–hood pulled over him while he sat on his phone. june couldn’t help but shiver as she quickly slipped into the passenger seat. januarys in seattle were usually brutal, but in a few weeks it’d get better. perhaps it was the context of their meeting that made it that much more frigid.
within text messages, luke had instigated a possibility that struck the girl’s interest. the arrival of the fourth link in their close knit group–jack. back from rehab? at least that was what luke was adamant in presenting to both june and laurie.
laurie seemed rather dismissive of it entirely. when june suggested that they all band together to see the truth for themselves, they’d withdrawn--funneling in humor as the two would convince him. even if june was slightly disconcerted by laurie’s refusal to attend the matter, she’d shrug it off. she knew him well enough in these ten-plus years that laurie tended to resort to averse behaviors to dark matters like this more and more as they grew up.
maybe he wasn’t ready to see jack just yet. or did they just want to give him more space? june would admit to herself she wasn’t sure if seeing him was the right decision either. she felt herself getting cold feet before luke arrived at her queen anne residence.
luke would come along for his own curiosity. sure, he wanted to see his friend, but he hated huge deals. in his mind, jack would be fine whether they checked up on him or not. but to be fair, he was wholeheartedly sure jack was fine even when he surely wasn’t last december.
only laurie and june would know what it actually felt like. what it looked like in person.
to see the dark-haired boy they’d known since kindergarten in dismal stillness on the tile flooring. the obvious signs of usage all over the house. it wasn’t the typical opiates even the boys would abuse on their nights recording or partying. fake ones–little blue street pills, cheap and dirty. jack knew he was using for the purpose of a darker, more intense high. june didn’t even really know there was such a thing that existed like that, but laurie would be sheepish to explain the drugs they'd been getting into.
instant horror followed by panic. and then a blur of both feelings mixed with sadness for the rest of the sleepless night–for june it’d be the rest of winter break and the two would stay in contact over the matter while laurie went to los angeles. however, it was hard to talk about all together. luke would be on a flight to italy soon after the ordeal, so he wouldn’t get too much of a chance to talk about it in person with either of his friends. (though he’d share a few tearful phone calls with june and check up on laurie a bit as well).
“hi.” june said quietly, “thanks for doing this.” she bit her lip.
luke looked up from his phone–his foot pressed steadily on the gas. “don’t thank me. it’s jack, you know. i guess i wanna know too.”
by the time they arrived at the one-story house, the sky was getting darker and darker beneath the grey clouds. it’d probably be raining in a hour or less. luke parked in the driveway next to jack’s scratched-up lexus and june gave him a tight smile as they opened the doors. luke would follow close behind june who was iching her way over to the front door.
after a handful of unanswered doorbell rings and knocking, june would look back at luke who’d return her with a shrug, “maybe try his window.”
“yo luke! buddy it’s me and junie–if you’re in here say something.” he paused with one last knock on the front door. the boy would even jiggle the doorknob which was usually left unlocked, but to no avail.
june frowned, moving her hair behind her ears as her and luke walked around the corner of the place. closing in on jack’s window which was cracked a bit open, june knocked and the two noticed the blinds move ever so slightly. they’d glance at eachother before silently acknowledging what they both saw as a sign of jack’s presence.
“jack. it’s june.. are you okay?” she started softly, “we miss you. we’re thinking about you. i just wanted to know if you were okay.”
luke stood behind her with his hands in his sweatshirt pockets, kicking pebbles underneath the bush. the sky was starting to produce a light mist that’d start to show on the ground beneath them. it’d be assumed rain would start up again as the evening went on.
this made luke start to get a bit antsy at his friend’s omission. it was one thing to ignore him. jack ignored luke all the time and he didn’t care, but june was different. the three boys all had some sort of soft spot for the girl and hurting her feelings was never something any of them would do on purpose. besides, for christ’s sake. june was the one who’d had a half-dead boy in her arms. the least said boy could do was answer a call.
jack was starting to get on luke’s nerves. there was nothing more the boy hated then stupid, pointless derisions. and especially not if it involved someone ignoring him.
luke leaned his arm over june’s head throwing a balled fist down on the glass, “hey motherfucker open up. it’s about to rain–”
the blinds were tossed to the side and the pale figure of their friend appeared, “what?” jack cringed as he made eye contact with june then averting his eyes immediately. his dark hair was unstyled, laying messy over his forehead and the visible dark circles under his eyes made him look even more withdrawn than usual. in truth, he wasn’t getting much sleep in rehab. he turned his head, “i got back like a few hours ago.” he stammered–clearly annoyed at the fact he acting sheepish in front of his longtime friends, “i.. just didn’t know how to.. tell everyone i was back.”
jack looked up–his eyes going from luke to june and then out behind them as if he was trying to find someone else. laurie is… oh..
the dejection was clear on his face as his brows furrowed. laurie wasn’t there.
“jack i’m sorry.. i just–i was worried–and luke said he had a feeling you were out–and i–” june’s eyes were slightly dewy from the cold air, but also from the sight of her dear friend. she tried to maintain eye contact with her friend, hoping the sentiment would come across properly. thank god. he’s okay. he seems tired, but he doesn’t look like he’s been on anything..
“we miss you man, you know–and you look great!--by the way.” luke attempted to offer some humor, “are you coming to school tomorrow..? i mean either way everyone’s supposed to come over tomorrow night to chill. we can record too–i’ve been itching to make something with you and laurie.”
yeah, laurie.. there’s probably a reason why he isn’t here. jack bit the inside of his cheek in a moment of thought littered with the last time he saw laurie. to his remembrance, they were popping xans in his bedroom and collabing just days before the incident. something he could barely evoke now. it was probably all shit anyway.
“laurie would’ve been here, but he–” started june before jack could cut her off,
“it’s–it’s cool. i get it.” jack gulped, “um..look, i should be the one saying sorry, not you. i didn’t mean to make you worried. i just barely remember that night and i spent the entire stay at rehab thinking you guys hated me. it was stupid, but i don’t know…”
june managed a sore smile. it felt good to hear jack articulate his words without slurring–something she hadn’t seen in him for awhile leading up to the overdose. she was a bit hurt that he’d even entertain the idea she’d hate him for what happened. it’s true that she was extremely upset over it. she had tried to warn him several times, but he’d dismiss her off every single try. however, she could never stay mad at jack. june just wanted to help. hopefully this time it’d be different. she wouldn’t scold him at all though. at least not now. this was enough to put her mind at ease.
“i left your gift..like, by the front door. it’s nothing crazy just–you missed christmas and all so..” she continued–more confidence in her voice than before.
the rain was now slowly pattering against the roof above them.
jack managed a halfway smile, his eyes lighting up ever so slightly at the gesture. it wasn’t out of the ordinary for june to give out presents at least twice every year, but to jack–it just felt familiar. like he really was back home.
like maybe it could all go back to normal.
“let me just–hold on.” he said, leaving his position at the window and making his way towards the front door.
june flashed a small grin at luke as if to say i feel so much better now.
“see? he’d be fine i told you.” luke returned, following her to the door.
jack opened the creaky door, picking up the carefully adorned gift box. god, she didn’t have to go all out like this. truthfully, it was the only ray of sunshine in his otherwise dark last few months. who knew something so small and insignificant could mean so much now that he was sober and out of the loony bin. leave it to june–being the one to patch up all the messes made from jack’s behavior, like always.
“thanks junie..” he said quietly, not completely showing his appreciation in full. remaining stoic through the discomfort of rekindling with a girl who literally was the reason he was even standing there.
she’d reach in for a firm hug and jack would accept it, taking a deep breath full of both relief and remorse. she lingered in his space for a second, then released her grasp–a slight sniffle coming out of her as she smiled at him.
“okay, okay. don’t cry or whatever.” jack said, looking away from her as he tucked the gift box between his arm, “i’ll see you guys tomorrow.”
“oh yeahhh. you better man, we’ve got like four classes together. it’s about to be a party every day.” luke smirked, tossing his keys in the air then catching them as he walked backwards towards the lambo.
june turned away from jack with a wave, “bye jack.”--with one last smile before disappearing into the car's interior.
he still struggled with the guilt that came with putting his friends in tough position after tough position. even though this one was surely the worst one. laurie and luke get fucked up and scare everyone every now and then too.. fuck–of course i had to take it that far..
he threw himself onto his bed, watching the ceiling fan’s light above him flicker. he didn’t know how much longer he’d feel bad about it. truly, he wanted nothing more than to go down to capitol hill and pick up ten blues–he had to have aluminom foil somewhere left over from–
no.
it was no use. he wasn’t going to do it. he should’ve taken the interaction between his friends as hope for the future, but it was hard to see it that way. it was always hard to see anything in that light.
it also bothered him greatly that laurie wasn’t there, but jack wouldn’t expect him to have come. they were similar in that way. all three of the boys.
dismissing issues–replacing them with a quick, cheap fix. it was hard to face things like this head-on. at the end of the day, he couldn’t blame laurie, but he did wonder what it’d be like at school tomorrow. god--
“fuck this.”
the dark-haired boy knew it would do him no good to think about it. all he wanted was to sleep through the night. so instead, he’d rummage through the cabinets for alcohol and get himself to sleep as fast as possible.
within text messages, luke had instigated a possibility that struck the girl’s interest. the arrival of the fourth link in their close knit group–jack. back from rehab? at least that was what luke was adamant in presenting to both june and laurie.
laurie seemed rather dismissive of it entirely. when june suggested that they all band together to see the truth for themselves, they’d withdrawn--funneling in humor as the two would convince him. even if june was slightly disconcerted by laurie’s refusal to attend the matter, she’d shrug it off. she knew him well enough in these ten-plus years that laurie tended to resort to averse behaviors to dark matters like this more and more as they grew up.
maybe he wasn’t ready to see jack just yet. or did they just want to give him more space? june would admit to herself she wasn’t sure if seeing him was the right decision either. she felt herself getting cold feet before luke arrived at her queen anne residence.
luke would come along for his own curiosity. sure, he wanted to see his friend, but he hated huge deals. in his mind, jack would be fine whether they checked up on him or not. but to be fair, he was wholeheartedly sure jack was fine even when he surely wasn’t last december.
only laurie and june would know what it actually felt like. what it looked like in person.
to see the dark-haired boy they’d known since kindergarten in dismal stillness on the tile flooring. the obvious signs of usage all over the house. it wasn’t the typical opiates even the boys would abuse on their nights recording or partying. fake ones–little blue street pills, cheap and dirty. jack knew he was using for the purpose of a darker, more intense high. june didn’t even really know there was such a thing that existed like that, but laurie would be sheepish to explain the drugs they'd been getting into.
instant horror followed by panic. and then a blur of both feelings mixed with sadness for the rest of the sleepless night–for june it’d be the rest of winter break and the two would stay in contact over the matter while laurie went to los angeles. however, it was hard to talk about all together. luke would be on a flight to italy soon after the ordeal, so he wouldn’t get too much of a chance to talk about it in person with either of his friends. (though he’d share a few tearful phone calls with june and check up on laurie a bit as well).
“hi.” june said quietly, “thanks for doing this.” she bit her lip.
luke looked up from his phone–his foot pressed steadily on the gas. “don’t thank me. it’s jack, you know. i guess i wanna know too.”
by the time they arrived at the one-story house, the sky was getting darker and darker beneath the grey clouds. it’d probably be raining in a hour or less. luke parked in the driveway next to jack’s scratched-up lexus and june gave him a tight smile as they opened the doors. luke would follow close behind june who was iching her way over to the front door.
after a handful of unanswered doorbell rings and knocking, june would look back at luke who’d return her with a shrug, “maybe try his window.”
“yo luke! buddy it’s me and junie–if you’re in here say something.” he paused with one last knock on the front door. the boy would even jiggle the doorknob which was usually left unlocked, but to no avail.
june frowned, moving her hair behind her ears as her and luke walked around the corner of the place. closing in on jack’s window which was cracked a bit open, june knocked and the two noticed the blinds move ever so slightly. they’d glance at eachother before silently acknowledging what they both saw as a sign of jack’s presence.
“jack. it’s june.. are you okay?” she started softly, “we miss you. we’re thinking about you. i just wanted to know if you were okay.”
luke stood behind her with his hands in his sweatshirt pockets, kicking pebbles underneath the bush. the sky was starting to produce a light mist that’d start to show on the ground beneath them. it’d be assumed rain would start up again as the evening went on.
this made luke start to get a bit antsy at his friend’s omission. it was one thing to ignore him. jack ignored luke all the time and he didn’t care, but june was different. the three boys all had some sort of soft spot for the girl and hurting her feelings was never something any of them would do on purpose. besides, for christ’s sake. june was the one who’d had a half-dead boy in her arms. the least said boy could do was answer a call.
jack was starting to get on luke’s nerves. there was nothing more the boy hated then stupid, pointless derisions. and especially not if it involved someone ignoring him.
luke leaned his arm over june’s head throwing a balled fist down on the glass, “hey motherfucker open up. it’s about to rain–”
the blinds were tossed to the side and the pale figure of their friend appeared, “what?” jack cringed as he made eye contact with june then averting his eyes immediately. his dark hair was unstyled, laying messy over his forehead and the visible dark circles under his eyes made him look even more withdrawn than usual. in truth, he wasn’t getting much sleep in rehab. he turned his head, “i got back like a few hours ago.” he stammered–clearly annoyed at the fact he acting sheepish in front of his longtime friends, “i.. just didn’t know how to.. tell everyone i was back.”
jack looked up–his eyes going from luke to june and then out behind them as if he was trying to find someone else. laurie is… oh..
the dejection was clear on his face as his brows furrowed. laurie wasn’t there.
“jack i’m sorry.. i just–i was worried–and luke said he had a feeling you were out–and i–” june’s eyes were slightly dewy from the cold air, but also from the sight of her dear friend. she tried to maintain eye contact with her friend, hoping the sentiment would come across properly. thank god. he’s okay. he seems tired, but he doesn’t look like he’s been on anything..
“we miss you man, you know–and you look great!--by the way.” luke attempted to offer some humor, “are you coming to school tomorrow..? i mean either way everyone’s supposed to come over tomorrow night to chill. we can record too–i’ve been itching to make something with you and laurie.”
yeah, laurie.. there’s probably a reason why he isn’t here. jack bit the inside of his cheek in a moment of thought littered with the last time he saw laurie. to his remembrance, they were popping xans in his bedroom and collabing just days before the incident. something he could barely evoke now. it was probably all shit anyway.
“laurie would’ve been here, but he–” started june before jack could cut her off,
“it’s–it’s cool. i get it.” jack gulped, “um..look, i should be the one saying sorry, not you. i didn’t mean to make you worried. i just barely remember that night and i spent the entire stay at rehab thinking you guys hated me. it was stupid, but i don’t know…”
june managed a sore smile. it felt good to hear jack articulate his words without slurring–something she hadn’t seen in him for awhile leading up to the overdose. she was a bit hurt that he’d even entertain the idea she’d hate him for what happened. it’s true that she was extremely upset over it. she had tried to warn him several times, but he’d dismiss her off every single try. however, she could never stay mad at jack. june just wanted to help. hopefully this time it’d be different. she wouldn’t scold him at all though. at least not now. this was enough to put her mind at ease.
“i left your gift..like, by the front door. it’s nothing crazy just–you missed christmas and all so..” she continued–more confidence in her voice than before.
the rain was now slowly pattering against the roof above them.
jack managed a halfway smile, his eyes lighting up ever so slightly at the gesture. it wasn’t out of the ordinary for june to give out presents at least twice every year, but to jack–it just felt familiar. like he really was back home.
like maybe it could all go back to normal.
“let me just–hold on.” he said, leaving his position at the window and making his way towards the front door.
june flashed a small grin at luke as if to say i feel so much better now.
“see? he’d be fine i told you.” luke returned, following her to the door.
jack opened the creaky door, picking up the carefully adorned gift box. god, she didn’t have to go all out like this. truthfully, it was the only ray of sunshine in his otherwise dark last few months. who knew something so small and insignificant could mean so much now that he was sober and out of the loony bin. leave it to june–being the one to patch up all the messes made from jack’s behavior, like always.
“thanks junie..” he said quietly, not completely showing his appreciation in full. remaining stoic through the discomfort of rekindling with a girl who literally was the reason he was even standing there.
she’d reach in for a firm hug and jack would accept it, taking a deep breath full of both relief and remorse. she lingered in his space for a second, then released her grasp–a slight sniffle coming out of her as she smiled at him.
“okay, okay. don’t cry or whatever.” jack said, looking away from her as he tucked the gift box between his arm, “i’ll see you guys tomorrow.”
“oh yeahhh. you better man, we’ve got like four classes together. it’s about to be a party every day.” luke smirked, tossing his keys in the air then catching them as he walked backwards towards the lambo.
june turned away from jack with a wave, “bye jack.”--with one last smile before disappearing into the car's interior.
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the rest of the evening, jack would toy around with the box–not opening it just yet.he still struggled with the guilt that came with putting his friends in tough position after tough position. even though this one was surely the worst one. laurie and luke get fucked up and scare everyone every now and then too.. fuck–of course i had to take it that far..
he threw himself onto his bed, watching the ceiling fan’s light above him flicker. he didn’t know how much longer he’d feel bad about it. truly, he wanted nothing more than to go down to capitol hill and pick up ten blues–he had to have aluminom foil somewhere left over from–
no.
it was no use. he wasn’t going to do it. he should’ve taken the interaction between his friends as hope for the future, but it was hard to see it that way. it was always hard to see anything in that light.
it also bothered him greatly that laurie wasn’t there, but jack wouldn’t expect him to have come. they were similar in that way. all three of the boys.
dismissing issues–replacing them with a quick, cheap fix. it was hard to face things like this head-on. at the end of the day, he couldn’t blame laurie, but he did wonder what it’d be like at school tomorrow. god--
“fuck this.”
the dark-haired boy knew it would do him no good to think about it. all he wanted was to sleep through the night. so instead, he’d rummage through the cabinets for alcohol and get himself to sleep as fast as possible.
/* ------ credit -- do not remove ------ */
© weldherwings.
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