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love bug
Junior Member
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Cosmo
Does Not Know Kung-fu
Name
Jackson Kowalski
Nickname
Jackie
Age
21
Ethnicity
Caucasian
Gender
Male
Sexuality
Heterosexual
Grade Level
Junior
Major
Business Administration
Hometown
Rosebrook
Description
Jackie is on the taller side at 6'1 [185 cm] and his body is lean, but hard as it belongs to someone that works out often but does not eat enough to actually bulk up. His hair is unkempt and reaches the nap of his neck, the most work he does with it is brushing the bangs from his eyes, his jaw is covered with a light and patched scruff that screams to more lack of will to shave then any desire to grow it out. His eyebrows are dark and strike a line across his brow and coupled with the dark, bag lidded eyes give him a rugged, brooding visage, a visage of a man who hasn't had a good night sleep in a very, very long time. His eyes are a light brown yet under his large brow they seem to have an inner darkness, some secret that they guard, something seeking to get out but destined to remain until the end.
Clothing Style
Jackie's clothes tend to vary based on the occasion. When he is going to see the Kingston, he dresses up with nice button down shirts, sweater vest, two button suits as is expected of him being clothing they have bought him. Each piece of clothing is meticulously cared for, always dry cleaned and placed in a special corner of his closet to remain safe. Outside of this occasion, Jackie looks more like a bum on a bus that people politely look everywhere but at. His clothing is worn and, more often then naught, ragged. His clothing lacks colors often being dull grey, browns or blacks with simple blue carpenter jeans that hit the 'has seen better years' a decade ago. Always wrinkled because he can never be bothered to even take them out of the clothing basket, he tends to rule on if a piece of clothing can be worn based entirely on scent alone.
Body Modifications
On his right wrist is a fairly small tattoo of the One Ring with a Lothlรณrien leaf growing out of it.
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Face Claim
Dylan O'Brien
Personality
Jackie is an interesting cocktail of turbulent emotions that have slowly worn him down until he feels like he is a shell of what he once was. Some kind of wretch or insect hiding in the the husk of what he once was so everyone in the world can keep on living their own lives. What the world and everyone sees is not truly him, but this 'Jackie', what they want him to be, what they expect him to be, what he used to be. This facade has become all he is to the point he isn't even aware where it ends and the real him begins or even how much of the real him is left, but the cracks in the mask have started to appear ever since he contacted the silly Advice Club and those cracks were spreading, threatening to bring down the dam and unleash a flood of... he doesn't even know what. Some of these cracks have been very destructive, such as constantly working out to get his frustrations out but rarely eating making him incredibly anemic, rarely takes care of himself unless he plans on paying the Kingston's a visit, has started to down entire bottles of NyQuil and other sleep aids to try to overcome his guilt empowered insomnia which has started to cause liver problems, and of course, refuses to see a professional about his physical or mental health. This refusal stems both from a sheer stubbornness as well as a deep seated belief that he deserved the pain, that it is justified and is simply what should happen. But even if that was not the case, Jackie is not one to change his mind, to bend or give ground in life or arguments as once he plants his feet, nothing on earth can get him to move. This does have some redeeming features as Jackie has always been responsible and even if he takes on task too large for him to handle, especially with his dwindling health, he is simply too stubborn to give up, content to overwork himself to the bone and deal with the stress then let the person down, to fail in the task or admit he wasn't good enough to see it through to the end. Jackie isn't sure if that is more from what is expected from 'Jackie', because he was raised in a life of labor and hard work or a mix of both. The real him and the facade becoming one and the same.
As the years have trickled by, his humor has become a mixture of sardonic and self-deprecating which can make him a very prickly person to be around and it has even started to break through the cracks of his 'Jackie' facade. Comments designed to hurt, to sting, to push people away easily flow from his lips and Jackie is perceptive and watchful enough to ensure they always land. He is good at finding the habits of others, what they are vulnerable to, sensitive to, what they care about and hammer that until they want nothing to do with him, or, better allow him to maintain his image depending on what the situation calls for. Jackie is quick to notice when someone is on to him, when they spot the cracks and is even quicker to fill that crack, to disarm and make them forget what they saw, to pull them into the the warm embrace of melancholy or a discussion dear to them to draw their mind away so he can quickly patch it up. Perhaps worst of all, despite all he has done, all he is, Jackie is, and always was, a kind soul. He likes to help people, likes to take care of them, likes to be relied on, likes to make others happy. Whenever a barbed word leaves his tongue to sting someone, he wishes he could pull it back, but he can't and he won't. He is too stubborn to. Being alone is what 'Jackie' deserves. She died alone, and so he will live alone because he is 'Jackie' and everything is going to be okay.
Vices
Destructive, Abrasive, Stubborn
Virtues
Responsible, Perceptive, Kind
Interests
Fishing, Rom-Coms/Fantasy genres, Reading, Video Games, Gardening
History
Jackie lived a decent life even if his family lived paycheck to paycheck. His father, Keith, works for the Kingstons, a very wealthy local family, of which there are plenty in Rosebrook, as their gardener and landscaper. Jackie never met his mother as she left town with her parents shortly after he was born and the last he heard of her was she was in Texas, married with two kids. Being the only child of a single parent, Jackie was always close to his father and because Keith couldn't afford a babysitter, Jackie was always dragged to work with him where he quickly formed a friendship with the Kingston's only daughter, Valerie. Their friendship was quick and ironclad, they did everything together and were inseparable despite the difference in social class. While his father was never fond of their friendship fearing it could cost his job, the Kingstons found it quaint and would often joke that they were surely to get married one day, of course their daughter marrying someone of such... lack of class was never truly in the cards, it didn't matter either way as Valerie was, well, not attracted to men. Valerie kept this a secret from everyone but Jackie who she told one night after their seventh grade winter formal. Coming out to her parents was impossible as they were both staunch traditionalist who dreamed of her continuing the family legacy with 'proper heirs'.
As they got older, Valerie felt more and more trapped, stuck playing a person she wasn't and it wore on her and Jackie became her emotional support, her pillar, her crutch. The person she could talk to, the person she could vent to, the person she could lean on when she felt like she was going to collapse under the illusion she had built, but Jackie... Jackie was just a boy. Just a human. While he may have claimed to always be there for her, that they'd always stick together through thick and thin, Jackie found his own patience slipping. Every panicked call at two in the morning, the long essay length messages he'd get of her talking about her life, about how hard it was, about ending it... it could be so overwhelming. Some nights he just wanted to sleep, to play games with his other friends, to talk about girls or new movies or 'member the old times', not... It felt like he was now trapped, Sisyphus destined to push her up every day just to know she would fall again and he'd have to pick her up again, a never ending cycle. But why didn't he push her to seek help? Because part of him liked being needed and relied on even when it became suffocating, a cycle of dependency that would spiral on and on before it shattered.
On a chilly winter night, his phone screamed its notice to the night sky, a series of text asking if he was awake, begging him to be awake so she could talk to him because she was falling apart. Jackie can still remember the sigh, the way he rolled his eyes, looked at the phone, how he laid there debating with himself before rolling over and ignoring it, it could wait. But it couldn't. They found her the next morning, having overdosed on her mother's anti-depressants. She was gone, just like that. Did it happen because he wasn't there to hold her up? Or did she already do it and was calling to say goodbye? Did it matter anymore? The worst of it all was the tiny voice, that little serpent that lay in the depth of his heart that felt relief. Her house was so empty and her room was so cold, trapped in time, and it wasn't hard to get onto her laptop, she had used the same password for so long and there it was. The suicide note. Talking about her life, about her sexuality to her parents, thanking him for his friendship and... How even though she wasn't coming back, at least she was free and wanted everyone to know it even if it caused pain. How many times had she written it? Was it spur of the moment? And as Jackie looked at the small black letters on the white page, as he thought about what could happen if her parents found out... found out he knew and had known. That she had reached out to him and he hadn't been there. That he knew she was hurting but never told her to seek help, that he had hid all of this from her parents... His father could lose his job, they could lose everything.. And slowly, as if someone else was doing it, the suicide note was deleted. With a push of a button, he had took away her decision to come out, to bare herself to the world and her parents, and he did it to save himself.
The days turned to weeks, weeks to months.. and months to years, and things had changed even as so much remained the same. Even with Valerie gone, Jackie spent much of his time at the Kingston's, they liked him. They wanted him there. At first, he thought they wanted him as a replacement, a dirty, filthy wretch that would take the place of their daughter, but that wasn't it, it was a subconscious need. The belief that if he was there then maybe, magically, their daughter would pop through the front door just like she always used to and it'd be like nothing had happened, nothing had changed, they would have their daughter back and she'd go upstairs with her best friend, just like always. To make it worst, they called themselves his 'Uncle and Aunt' after all, the jokes about marrying their daughter used to be so... funny. They bought him clothes, gave his father raises, helped his father get his first car... paid for his tuition. He had abandoned Valerie, deleted her chance at finally being herself and now he was profiting from her death. Stepping into a life that was never meant to be his even talks of him taking over the 'family business'. But he now had a part to play, He was 'jackie'. He had nothing to hide, he was the boy they thought he was, he was... He was Jackie. He had taken everything from their daughter, but it was okay, because he was Jackie. Yes. He had taken her chance to free herself from the facade and by doing so, he had forced a facade onto himself. Bound himself in the same chains he had denied her freedom from, but it was fine. He was a wretched and filthy thing, cared more for himself then her. It was okay. It would always be okay, because he was 'Jackie'.
Secrets
Deleted his friends suicide note where she was outing herself, Ignored his friends messages the night she took her life and a part of him had even felt relief to be freed, hates the idea of running a business and always has but does it anyways because he lives a lie as a means of punishing himself.
โ Relationships
Keith Kowalski || 38, Father
Janice Macha || 37, Mother [Remarried and living in Shreveport, TX]
Richard Kingston || 53, 'Uncle'
Tabatha Kingston || 46, 'Aunt'
Valerie Kingston || 17, Best Friend [Deceased]
Theme Songs
X X X
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BlossomsOfRainbows
*Insert clever comment here*
Danielle Warner
Name: Danielle Warner
Nickname(s): Dani
Age (18 - 26): 18
Ethnicity: Caucasian
Gender: Female
Sexuality: Pansexual
Grade Level: Freshman
Major: Performing Arts
Hometown: New York City
erzulie
cheers for spring; for life; for a growing soul
code by RI.a
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