Advice/Help OOC advice needed

ViperBite · Apr 18, 2024

Thanks to those who commented! Advice no longer needed and I can’t seem to delete the thread for some reason.

Update: It went worse than I expected, but I think it was just a train wreck waiting to happen.

ceolsige · Apr 18, 2024

This sort of thing honestly makes me feel uncomfortable as well. My most frequent experience with people who behave this way is that they tend to "love-bomb" (the way she's describing in great detail how important this story is to her and how intensely she feels about it) then draw away. I don't know if it's a manipulation tactic, or if these people tend to hyperfixate on a thing then move on to the next shiny distraction when it comes along, but it always leaves me feeling really weird when it happens. It has deeply hurt my feelings enough times in the past (without OOC line blurring!) that I consider a too-intense, too-soon obsession with an RP to be a massive red flag.

Since you're already uncomfortable, I think it's worth either listening to your gut feeling (they're often spot on) and politely stepping back, or communicating. The only wrong choice here is to ignore how you feel and say nothing about it.

A way you might start the conversation:

"Hey, I think it's awesome you're so invested and enthusiastic about our story! That said, when you talk about how intensely it affects your emotional state, it makes me feel uncomfortable. I know you don't say these things to make me feel pressured, but at the end of the day, I do. When you say you sit and cry about our RP, it makes me worry that you'd have a strong reaction if we had to stop writing together for any reason. For my comfort, I need us to put some distance between OOC emotions and this story."

ViperBite · Apr 18, 2024

ceolsige said:
This sort of thing honestly makes me feel uncomfortable as well. My most frequent experience with people who behave this way is that they tend to "love-bomb" (the way she's describing in great detail how important this story is to her and how intensely she feels about it) then draw away. I don't know if it's a manipulation tactic, or if these people tend to hyperfixate on a thing then move on to the next shiny distraction when it comes along, but it always leaves me feeling really weird when it happens. It has deeply hurt my feelings enough times in the past (without OOC line blurring!) that I consider a too-intense, too-soon obsession with an RP to be a massive red flag.

Since you're already uncomfortable, I think it's worth either listening to your gut feeling (they're often spot on) and politely stepping back, or communicating. The only wrong choice here is to ignore how you feel and say nothing about it.

A way you might start the conversation:

"Hey, I think it's awesome you're so invested and enthusiastic about our story! That said, when you talk about how intensely it affects your emotional state, it makes me feel uncomfortable. I know you don't say these things to make me feel pressured, but at the end of the day, I do. When you say you sit and cry about our RP, it makes me worry that you'd have a strong reaction if we had to stop writing together for any reason. For my comfort, I need us to put some distance between OOC emotions and this story."

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. I do agree with you, it is a red flag but I suppose I was just giving her the benefit of the doubt.

Even though this may very well end the rp, but I’ll need to address it in a similar way to your suggestion. It sucks that when you find a good story with a decent writer, only for them to start acting weird about it.

Daisie · Apr 18, 2024

As someone who has been that emotionally dependent upon a RP before, that is very unhealthy. I think that while there are better ways and worse ways to phrase things, also try to keep in mind that you aren't responsible for this person's emotional stability.

You can do your best, but if you're already working with a house of cards, then nothing you can do will really soften the blow for them. The truth is that they're choosing to funnel all of their emotional bandwidth into that RP, which is a choice that has an inherent risk of ending in catastrophic failure. You can't control their poor decisions.

All things said, I hope it goes well! But also you can't put the pin back in the grenade - that explosion is likely destined to happen at one point or another.

Advice/Help OOC advice needed

ViperBite

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ceolsige

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ViperBite

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Daisie

Strangely regular (better than the usual bizarre!)

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