Experiences I just really want to talk to other people who have full-time jobs that limit the amount of time they can spend on their roleplaying writing hobbies

Let this be the place we can collect and relate about the highs and lows of balancing a full-time job with roleplay writing related hobbies.

Truth be told, I have not been able to comit to roleplays in several years, and a part of me is hoping I can get back into it. But I also understand that the reality may be that I may never be able to prioritize it like I used to be able to when I was in grade school. I am a part of two table top campaigns for Pathfinder 2e that meet each week, which I do enjoy, but I'm not finding to be the same as using a writing platform.

I also just wanna know how everyone else in this life stage is managing and enjoying their roleplays.

I think for me the biggest issue isn't even my job since that's pretty set hours each week. It's when I get home and I think I can finally get to writing a reply only for my mom to be like "oh actually I need to use the computer" or "oh hey I need you to go shopping with me" or "oh hey can you fix the TV it's not working". I am midway though my thirties but it makes me feel like I'm a teenager again. Like oh my god you couldn't tell me any of this before my shift? So at least I have time to let my partner know rather than last minute being like "oh hey sorry IRL is kick off." I always feel bad because it sounds like I'm making excuses but I swear I'm not. I just live with my mom who treats me like I have no life. Which I mean she ain't entirely wrong but still. I'm at least an adult ass adult.

But that little tirade aside I think the other issue for me personally is I tend to be very world building focused when it comes to roleplays. I get loads of compliments on the amount of thought I put into all my worlds. Which is nice, I do work very hard on my world building and it's nice to get complimented. But the downside is that people like reading the world building but it always seems to scare them off from actually roleplaying.

Not to say I haven't found some good matches but it feels like every single time I find someone who is totally down with the world building and getting really hyped about a story... Boom they get Covid. Or they get busy with school. Or they just need to take a mental health break.

So I'm back to square one trying to find someone to talk to.

YES what a struggle it is to live with family and have to share a device. I hope you be able to have the means someday to have your own space and resources. I know from my own personal experience that living with my mom was NOT ideal and I became so much happier once I could move out. You deserve independence and happiness!

World building was something I used to do a lot in my head and I really appreciate it when authors give players the option to explore other elements in the setting- especially for table top rpgs. It can really assist with character creation and inspiration!


P.S. the doggo in your profile picture is adorable. please boop and pet for me.

I run one story and almost nothing else, perhaps membership in one story that isn't mine? But that's it. I have a commitment to my members and if I write other things, I won't have time for my primary RP. It's hard to resist offers I've received and ideas that have crossed my mind, but my main project is too important to jeopardize. That's how I balance things out, otherwise I'd have to abandon GMing entirely.

It's hard cause sometimes I crave variety but womp womp, I'll go punch pillows. I'd rather have one successful, awesome RP instead of crashing and burning.

So if there's any suggestion I can make, limit yourself to a strict number of characters and/or RPs. Start with one and see how that works into your schedule, and keep adding more until you exhaust your scheduled time. Then make that your limit.

Also, resist the urge to create characters when one RP becomes slow, because if/when the slow one speeds up again, you're gonna be screwed with too many characters.

In fairness we do get along pretty well 95% of the time, and the times we clash I'm not sure I would do any better with a roommate. Maybe we wouldn't argue about the exact same things but it would still be little petty things.

Plus I love my mom but she's at an age and of a temperament where I don't feel comfortable with her renting out a room to strangers. She is a little too trusting and I would be worried that someone would take advantage of her. It happens a lot with my grandma and I can see mom going the same way.

As it is one of her friends is currently living with us. She's a sweet lady who has some pretty severe health issues. Nothing that prevents her from moving around yet but the kind of thing that is only going to get worse. And she isn't the first friend mom offered to live with us, the other ones weren't nearly as sweet or unassuming.

Luckily unlike my mom, I don't know these people and I feel perfectly comfortable being like .. "Maybe we don't let so and so live with us. I don't think that's a good idea."

Also we have four dogs and if I left my mom would become an animal hoarder. I am honestly not even exaggerating.

I'll send boops and pics of the other three doggos when I get on my phone. They're all spoiled rotten. And about two more dogs than I personally thought we needed in the house. But luckily their all fairly well behaved. And at a certain point you just kinda learn to live with chaos. (lovable chaos thank god, not toxic chaos.)

Jet said:

I run one story and almost nothing else, perhaps membership in one story that isn't mine? But that's it. I have a commitment to my members and if I write other things, I won't have time for my primary RP. It's hard to resist offers I've received and ideas that have crossed my mind, but my main project is too important to jeopardize. That's how I balance things out, otherwise I'd have to abandon GMing entirely.

It's hard cause sometimes I crave variety but womp womp, I'll go punch pillows. I'd rather have one successful, awesome RP instead of crashing and burning.

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I'm really glad that you have a consistent roleplay setting in your life, and if you and your players are having fun with it, then that's the best thing ever. What is your primary roleplay about?

nerdy tangents said:

Also we have four dogs and if I left my mom would become an animal hoarder. I am honestly not even exaggerating.

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Are we the same person?

My mom has done something similar. She also has four dogs. Four too many in my opinion. I still love them to death. She would never consider renting a part of her home to a stranger, though. I completely understand your concerns for your mom and I honestly share similar concerns for my own mom. She just turned 70 this year and she has mild mobility issues due to past injuries. It's made it much more difficult for her to manage the dogs.

For me, it was better for both of us when I was able to move out. It kind of allowed her to realize how reliant she was on me to be in the house. A little too reliant. Now she has learned how to be more self-sufficient. It's honestly made her a lot happier and she isn't as stressed as she was.

I work full-time, go to school, the gym, and I'm even a kung-fu student, so my life is pretty busy. I only have one RP here, which I GM. As much as I would like to make or join other games, I wouldn't be able to handle another RP, especially being the GM of it. I love the one game I am running, though!

Chordling said:

Are we the same person?

My mom has done something similar. She also has four dogs. Four too many in my opinion. I still love them to death. She would never consider renting a part of her home to a stranger, though. I completely understand your concerns for your mom and I honestly share similar concerns for my own mom. She just turned 70 this year and she has mild mobility issues due to past injuries. It's made it much more difficult for her to manage the dogs.

For me, it was better for both of us when I was able to move out. It kind of allowed her to realize how reliant she was on me to be in the house. A little too reliant. Now she has learned how to be more self-sufficient. It's honestly made her a lot happier and she isn't as stressed as she was.

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lol I think we're kind of codependent. At least if you ask my sisters who are always like -- "Girl put your foot down." I'm like "I try! I do. But she says no...and I don't really have a good follow up." As you can imagine I am the fun aunt because I'm just like... as long as it's not dangerous sure you have whatever you want. Because Aunt Nerdy hates confrontation and has the backbone of a noodle. Sometimes it's an uncooked noodle and I can be firm. Mostly it's "oh shit please don't fight this thing I said. Please don't."

Truthfully I probably need therapy more than to move out. Someone to help with my anxiety and my massive avoidance issues when it comes to conflict. But I am a poor Millenial and also talking to a therapist involves actually speaking to another human and well we're back to my original problem.

lol it's why I'm so good at roleplay. I am very good at chatting online. IRL not so much.

GrumpySwallow said:

I work full-time, go to school, the gym, and I'm even a kung-fu student, so my life is pretty busy. I only have one RP here, which I GM. As much as I would like to make or join other games, I wouldn't be able to handle another RP, especially being the GM of it. I love the one game I am running, though!

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I'm so glad that you're able to include a roleplay you love in your such an active lifestyle! Is it the Super Smash Bros roleplay? Looks like a hysterical good time!

nerdy tangents said:

Truthfully I probably need therapy more than to move out. Someone to help with my anxiety and my massive avoidance issues when it comes to conflict. But I am a poor Millenial and also talking to a therapist involves actually speaking to another human and well we're back to my original problem.

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Learning how to place boundaries for yourself is not always easy. It was really shocking to me when I realized how restricted I was living with my mom. I value my online connections soooooooo much and I wouldn't trade them for the world. But I need substantial IRL connections in order to thrive, too.

I've also really struggled with anxiety I think just as a side effect of growing up the way I did. I've found tons of other coping mechanisms along the way. Therapy can help, too! But the best medicine for me was reviving an IRL social life. I've also been thankful to have a stable and substantial full-time job. Lots that I'm grateful for because it's really afforded me lots of freedom to breakaway from my anxiety.

I think in retrospect, roleplaying for me back in grade school was such a great way to escape from everything that was going on while I was growing up. You can literally create the world you live in and who you get to be in that world. I don't have as many reasons to feel like I need to escape nowadays. I truly do believe I'm much happier and successful. (The only missing piece is a dog.) But I guess I have a longing for writing roleplays in a nostalgic sense. As stable and fulfilling as my job is, I do find that I have less time for myself between all of the other things I have going on in my life now.

Chordling Oh I definitely feel that. I think a lot of my early roleplays were really tied up in friendship. Not necessarily IRL friendships, although I certainly had a lot of them at the time, but also my early partners were mostly friends. I had folks I talked to for years at a time that have all moved on to other things.

I do miss that I think, having a friend to hang out with and just chat casually. It doesn't necessarily need to be IRL, at least in my case I'm usually much more sociable online than IRL. IRL I get in my own head too much and I become extremely awkward. Worse I know I'm awkward which only makes it worse. Online gives me a bit more freedom to feel less like I'm putting on a front.

That said I do like this site, I feel like roleplay issues aside the people here are all very friendly. And I have met some pretty long term friends on here in the past, so I have hope it will happen again. If nothing else it gives me something to unwind with after a busy day at work which is nice in it's own way.

Chordling said:

I'm so glad that you're able to include a roleplay you love in your such an active lifestyle! Is it the Super Smash Bros roleplay? Looks like a hysterical good time!

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It is! And it is!

Chordling

Thanks for the positivity and taking an interest in the RP.

It's about a group of people who were gathered for the Great Games of Nye, a tournament to entertain the masses of a morally dubious city named Nye. There was a terrorist attack and the cast survived the weapon used to kill thousands of people (basically a soul stone that ripped souls from bodies) and most of the cast lost friends and family in the attack.

Im a bastard so I encouraged people to bring a retinue (not that I forcibly killed them, they could choose to have them survive lol). The cast is chosen to investigate the attack because of their immunity to the weapon, and ventured out in 7 different groups to various locations, some local and some to the edges of the earth. Some are investigating suspicious murders that occurred before the terrorist attack, others investigate certain elements tied to the attack, which is a whole other tangent.

It's become immensely detailed over the past couple years, but that's the long short of it.

Edit

Something funny about the RP, because the plot hook needed to be a surprise, in the beginning I could only reveal the setting and the great games themselves. So many people thought it was an arena RP

It's more a dark fantasy with political elements and moral grayness abound

It works just fine for me! Mainly because I am a fast writer. Sure, I may not have the time to write ten posts a day anymore, but two, three or sometimes four are doable. Even on a bad day (read: the sky is falling on my head at work, which happens more often now that we're dealing with the aftermath of a new project launch) I usually manage at least one post a day. Unless I'm sick, I am pretty much always able to contribute something.

The key to that, I suppose, is consistency. Once you build the habit, writing isn't this big, scary thing that you do when the stars align; it's just what you do, every day (or every week/twice per month/insert desired reply frequency here.) Take it as you will, but I've found that a lot of people with jobs aren't really busy in the sense that they literally can't spare an hour in their day to write; more often than not, they just psych themselves up, start seeing writing as just another obligation, and then, understandably, don't make the time for it, because why the hell should they? They have enough obligations as is, right?

I'm not critiquing these people, by the way! Some jobs are very draining, writing is harder for some than it is for others, and everyone is entitled to spend their free time however they like. That you (general you) simply have to make time for the hobby if you want to keep it is an unavoidable truth, though.

My advice is to look at your schedule, try to figure out how much time you can dedicate to writing, and then stick to it. It is a thankless job in the beginning, but I promise that the dopamine release will come in time!

I'm one of these people and I already have to be in a very specific mindset to even write as it is. Due to my work hours and this there's periods where I'll just vanish without a trace for months. Most RPers are not that patient and willing to wait that long for replies. It makes the hobby tough to even commit to these days. It's sort of why I just make my own stuff and then eventually write stories with it. Problem there of course is that I'm hopeless at coming up with plot so even most of my individual writing projects never really take off.

It reminds me of my fanfic days when people would have beta readers. Part of their job was to proof read but also act as a sounding board for the writer.

I feel like a lot of slower paced roleplayers or folks who like world building would benefit from that.

Because I can come up with one shots within a universe but I struggle to come up with long ranging plots. I definately need someone else around to bounce ideas off even if we don’t necessarily write things out together.

I've been meaning to extensively respond to posts in this thread for the past two days and have literally had no energy.