You can only hold your breath
For a certain amount of time.
Before you drown.
I have told you before.
I am drowning.
Why is it that you don't understand?
He draws near.
He comes closer.
I can feel his breath.
On my neck.
It's unnerving.
I think...
I'm drowning...
In a liquid that is not water...
I see...
Up in the oak tree.
A little bluebird.
Singing to me.
I wonder.
Why doesn't she sing a different song?
Over and over again, the same words.
I wonder.
Why doesn't she perch on a different branch?
Over and over, flying to that branch.
I wonder.
If those words define her.
If that branch...
Please...
It's a word we don't use often.
Only when we want something.
Maybe even need something.
We say 'please?' when we ask for something.
Something.
We don't say please when we want nothing.
But I do.
I want nothing.
I don't want anything.
I want there to be nothing.
And I beg him.
Please...
Drowning.
Falling.
Going.
Try to breathe in and out,
but water invades.
You know,
I'm not dead.
I didn't drown.
I'm in the process.
The more painful part.
Drown-ing.
I know you can imagine me underwater,
typing on a computer.
It's emotional.
If I keep on going like this...
I'll die...
A rose.
When I bloom, life is great.
When I bloom, nothing is wrong.
When I bloom, I look beautiful.
When I bloom, my petals are soft.
A human.
When I am born, I am in pain.
When I am born, life is confusing.
When I am born, I am ugly.
When I am born, I cry.
When I am born, others are happy...
I had a dream.
About a dream.
An unconscious thought
about my greatest wish.
I dreamt.
Dad woke me up.
I wanted to kill him.
For disturbing the dream.
In my dream...
I was being....
held.
I was being....
loved.
I was being....
cared about.
and I was....
home.
The thing is...
I was dreaming...
If I struggle...
Against my restraints...
Would my warden come?
Would there be a sly smile...
on his face?
I had this impossible thought.
Would he set me free?
I'm a marionette.
A puppet.
He can make dance.
He pulls the strings,
I have to dance.
He can't pull the strings and make me sing.
I...
They call 'Man overboard!' when people fall in.
Into that sea of lies.
They don't call.
Don't shout.
Don't panic and flail about.
Because they don't care.
If I fall overboard.
I'm not noticed.
If I do good things.
I'm noticed.
If I do bad things.
I want people to notice me.
But don't want to get...