Codebreaker
Do the monster mash...
Slight TW
Genies often tell you that you can wish for whatever is desired. Here is what I desire:
I wish I had the type of intimacy that many people have nowadays. I wish people wanted that intimacy with me. Maybe it’s because I’m so used to people using me that I’ve confused it with them wanting me. People need me until they find something better or until I’ve given them what they want.
Then it’s like I’m nothing. Oh, but God forbid I need anything-that makes me needy. That makes me selfish. It’s hard being a good person, and it’s even harder to pretend you’re okay with only knowing how to be good.
I wish I was beautiful and had what boys like. The beautiful and manageable hair, the curvy-but not too big-body, perfect teeth and skin, and who knows what else. Then I would have a chance. Instead of the being heartbroken, I would be the heartbreaker. Instead of being the heartbreaker, I’m the girl they play around with. I’m the girl they lie to and trick until they find someone else to toy with.
I wish I was right in the head. People can smell the crazy a mile away. The daddy issues and the constant mood swings that no one knows how to deal with and the crying and the paranoia and the voices in my head telling me to die. I wish it could all stop, and that I can sleep at night, but no. Constantly I hear that I’m not good enough for him. That I’m not good enough to be their friend. That I’m not good enough to be alive. That I’m just a waste of space. That I have no future so I might as well just end it now.
I wish I had a lifeline. A lighthouse to guide me through these dark and rough seas. A rope to pull me back to shore. Two big arms, that had the slight smell of marijuana, but the overwhelming scent of home. He hugged like a bear and I loved him for that. I don’t know if I still love him, but it hurts to think about him-to see him.
I wish I could see what was wrong with me from the start.
I wish I could go back in time and fix it.
To be honest, I wish I could go back in time and murder a younger me before she entered hell.
Genies often tell you that you can wish for whatever is desired. Here is what I desire:
I wish I had the type of intimacy that many people have nowadays. I wish people wanted that intimacy with me. Maybe it’s because I’m so used to people using me that I’ve confused it with them wanting me. People need me until they find something better or until I’ve given them what they want.
Then it’s like I’m nothing. Oh, but God forbid I need anything-that makes me needy. That makes me selfish. It’s hard being a good person, and it’s even harder to pretend you’re okay with only knowing how to be good.
I wish I was beautiful and had what boys like. The beautiful and manageable hair, the curvy-but not too big-body, perfect teeth and skin, and who knows what else. Then I would have a chance. Instead of the being heartbroken, I would be the heartbreaker. Instead of being the heartbreaker, I’m the girl they play around with. I’m the girl they lie to and trick until they find someone else to toy with.
I wish I was right in the head. People can smell the crazy a mile away. The daddy issues and the constant mood swings that no one knows how to deal with and the crying and the paranoia and the voices in my head telling me to die. I wish it could all stop, and that I can sleep at night, but no. Constantly I hear that I’m not good enough for him. That I’m not good enough to be their friend. That I’m not good enough to be alive. That I’m just a waste of space. That I have no future so I might as well just end it now.
I wish I had a lifeline. A lighthouse to guide me through these dark and rough seas. A rope to pull me back to shore. Two big arms, that had the slight smell of marijuana, but the overwhelming scent of home. He hugged like a bear and I loved him for that. I don’t know if I still love him, but it hurts to think about him-to see him.
I wish I could see what was wrong with me from the start.
I wish I could go back in time and fix it.
To be honest, I wish I could go back in time and murder a younger me before she entered hell.
