Winds of Darkness, Shadows of Green

[Miyuki]

(Please be nice. This is my first time at it.)

Darkness... Pure darkness...

The creation and destruction of all to be.

The wind blows, darkness flows

Ever present, in the world below.

The sky littered with black, the ground with green

Forever present, the shadows bleed.

Know not what they seek

Know not what they feel

For whatever lurks below

Must certainly, be real

Shadows of skies and winds of earth

To the darkness, they give birth.

Let not green rest, upon your feet

For the darkness inside, for which they eat.

The darkened skies are all but wind

Though chills and fears, they shall append.

Darkness, pure darkness

Confused for black, winds made to be green

For know not what lies beneath

The grass may be as green as can be

But darkness lies, underneath

As the winds we see, are black as can be

Winds of darkness, shadows of green

Show the soul, to which it be

Skies once more, covered in black

Winds of darkness, need not a task

Forevermore the grass may be green

Only to see, lack darkness, it may not be.​

 

[Grey]

I'm... having trouble making sense of it. It seems like a mood piece - all imagery and repetition, but I'm not sure what you might be trying to say. Is it a meditation on entropy or death? An attempt to evoke the turning of seasons? That beneath pleasant facades there is a darkness lurking? Is the darkness mortality or wickedness?


Structurally uninspired, the rhyme scheme is close to non-existent, and there's a mite too much repetition without a good form to back it up.


I'll have more useful things to say if you can answer those questions, but good on you for trying.