Opinion Why is everyone so young?

[CatGirl]

I am merely answering your question on why women write romance more than men.

Oh let me clarify, it wasn't a question, that's why I wasn't looking for an answer. It's just an observation and wanting to discuss it. Over the years I've met quite a number of men who were interested in writing romance as well, but the ratio is unbalanced so that makes pairing people up tricky. I run an RP server, and we get gals coming on specially looking for romance partners, but the guys aren't up for it and the females are sort of left in the "dust".

 

[rae2nerdy]

Oh let me clarify, it wasn't a question, that's why I wasn't looking for an answer. It's just an observation and wanting to discuss it. Over the years I've met quite a number of men who were interested in writing romance as well, but the ratio is unbalanced so that makes pairing people up tricky. I run an RP server, and we get gals coming on specially looking for romance partners, but the guys aren't up for it and the females are sort of left in the "dust".

I would say that’s a separate problem entirely than.

Are the people wanting to play their own gender OR are they open to playing either gender?

As that does tie us back into the OP topic. I have found some romance players can only get into the story when they write from the perspective of a character that shares their “crushes” so to speak.

So men write as men or lesbians, because both characters have crushes on women

Women write as women or gay men, because both characters have crushes on men.

It’s a bit similar to age milestones in that it’s tied to writing from a perspective you are familiar with IRL.

And of course just like with the age thing their are exceptions, people who can write crushes for any gender regardless of their own sexuality.

Edit - In the case of your roleplay I would simply have new players apply with characters who have “crushes” (are going to be romantically paired with) existing characters. It’s a GMs responsibility to enforce romantic roles if that is important to the plot.

I know waaaay back in the Jurassic period when I did groups there would be ratios for genders (and then sexualities if the GM noticed too many same sex couples and not enough hetero ones).

 

[Onmyoji]

If a female player is looking for romance rp with someone who is male irl they're probably looking for dating more than for roleplays tbh. For rp it shouldn't matter who is writing which gender. But I can get around the fact that some people just prefer to write their own gender AND the case that female roleplayers are a majority.
Exceptions are 'exceptions' for a reason, so I'm not going to dwell on those who play both genders in romance regardless of what they are irl. But when majority prefers to rp female characters there is a clear lack of male characters. just see at all those search threads looking for male characters...

 

[rae2nerdy]

If a female player is looking for romance rp with someone who is male irl they're probably looking for dating more than for roleplays tbh. For rp it shouldn't matter who is writing which gender. But I can get around the fact that some people just prefer to write their own gender AND the case that female roleplayers are a majority.
Exceptions are 'exceptions' for a reason, so I'm not going to dwell on those who play both genders in romance regardless of what they are irl. But when majority prefers to rp female characters there is a clear lack of male characters. just see at all those search threads looking for male characters...

Yeah which is why I showed the crush list. It’s typically why you end up with an over-abundance of women playing women OR gay men.

Women are more commonly the ones roleplaying romance. And they most commonly want to play the character who has similar crushes to their own.

I don’t think most of those “seeking male” searches mean male people, but male characters

And the reason that is hard is - again most women don’t want to play the character who has different crushes to them IRL.

Also too it can just get irritating always having to play the male because no one else will.

You see that a lot in searches too. People are like - I have played a male forever and I kinda want to just play a female now.

 

[CatGirl]

Are the people wanting to play their own gender OR are they open to playing either gender?

Most females looking for romance are playing female characters. The males on our server are playing male characters. Except the female characters want to RP romance a male character and the males aren't into it (or like I mentioned before, some of them are a bit young therefore, it's inappropriate). They're fine with romancing a female playing a male, which is what I've begun doing purely out of practicality, but that leaves others who don't get paired up.

I don't want to enforce romantic roles, I feel romance should be natural, spontaneous and only when two writers actually have chemistry with each other. Manufactured romance tends to end badly, as I've experienced. Or asking people to take up roles/genders they aren't comfortable with.

 

[CatGirl]

just see at all those search threads looking for male characters...

haha, I've noticed that.

 

[Onmyoji]

I don’t think most of those “seeking male” searches mean male people, but male characters

yes, of course. I meant that there are some that are really looking for male players but those are most certainly a minority. They exist, however, my friends and I have encountered a few and it didn't end well.

And the reason that is hard is - again most women don’t want to play the character who has different crushes to them IRL.

I tend to agree. For the longest of time, I was actually wondering why females like MxM so much, but probably that's the case.
So if a female wants to rp a male character in a romance I can see why male roleplayers do not want to rp male characters there... Usually, male players are maximum into FxF not MxM (of course, there are exceptions, but still)

 

[rae2nerdy]

yes, of course. I meant that there are some that are really looking for male players but those are most certainly a minority. They exist, however, my friends and I have encountered a few and it didn't end well.


I tend to agree. For the longest of time, I was actually wondering why females like MxM so much, but probably that's the case.
So if a female wants to rp a male character in a romance I can see why male roleplayers do not want to rp male characters there... Usually, male players are maximum into FxF not MxM (of course, there are exceptions, but still)

Yeah so have talked to women into MxM and they pretty much tell me exactly that sentiment in so many words.

I would imagine it’s the same for men into FxF but haven’t run into them in the wild yet.

I think a lot of people just like to stick to their comfort level. Both in terms of age and sexualities.

I do that with sexualities myself, tend to make characters asexual or aromantic. Although usually as a way to excuse my bad romance writing and not as much because I am aromantic.

It’s just easier to write in the weakness than try to explain it to people.

For ages I find just by virtue of my interests I tend to get folks in their mid to upper twenties.

Every now in again I’ll get a younger partner but almost exclusively because of Harry Potter.

So make of that what you will.

 

[Onmyoji]

I think even though we deviated from the original discussion quite a bit, we still arrived to a similar conclusion, that it all depends on comfort levels.

 

[Fable]

So, getting this back onto the topic of age rather than romance. Once upon a time there was a thread Other - The 25+ Crowd
Now, generally I do RP characters younger than myself for a very simply reason, PC age range average is from 16-30's, with a lean towards the younger side. Does this mean that because players use those ages that they are that age? Most likely not. You also have to consider that many users online lie about their age for whatever reason. Younger users may lie about being older to not be excluded by age-gate requirements. Older users may lie that they are younger because they don't want their older age to affect the perception of them. (My mom did a research paper on age-ism basically, it was interesting, lol.)

I roleplay a variety of ages, from 15 up to around 40, treating age more like milestone/experience decades. I mean I can only reference my own family members who are older to kind of use them for older characters, though they aren't a great example for various reasons. Mostly the complaint of family members 40+ are injuries, illness, growing old pains, wrinkles, grey hair, and not really getting memes.

Setting is also important. Are you going to have a 60+ in a battle? It could happen, but refer to the list above of physical issues of an older generation and most likely the player will opt for someone younger and in better condition.

 

[Onmyoji]

(My mom did a research paper on age-ism basically, it was interesting, lol.)

Is that paper accessible anywhere? I'm curious!

Are you going to have a 60+ in a battle?

Wuxia old masters want to argue XD But yeah, I totally agree.

 

[Fable]

Is that paper accessible anywhere? I'm curious!


Wuxia old masters want to argue XD But yeah, I totally agree.

Her paper? Nah, she did this when she was in college, lol. Only version that now exists in a hardcopy buried somewhere in the mess that is her home office. XD But age-ism is interesting. If you ask a 13 year old what age they consider to be old, it's actually younger than you would expect, around the 20's. I mean, heck, to 16 year old me I was like "fucking 30 is SO DAMN OLD!" As you age, your perceptions of what age is "old" to you changes the same as what is "young".

A 40 year old may look at a 20 year old - who is legally an adult - and their perception is most likely going to be one of them being very young and still a 'kid' mentally. Just like a 20 year old may look at a 40 year old and wonder if they are senile, how bad their health is, etc.

And yeah, 60+ year olds can battle, but if given an option I'd choose the 30 year old over the 60 year old who probably has their back crack painfully when they get up in the morning and a bum knee from an arrow injury. XD

 

[rae2nerdy]

See that brings up an interesting point. How much of this age based bias is also just in the stories people are interested in telling? I tend to do mostly slice-of-life stuff, basically characters exploring made up setting OR learning made up occupations. So not a lot of action/adventure, mystery, or romance in my stories. A loose plot might hold it all together but nothing that would require a specific age range.

So honestly outside of toddlers and the extremely elderly I don't think any age range wouldn't be welcome in my stories. I might have to try my hand at making some older or younger characters next time I start up a roleplay. It might be a fun writing exercise.

 

[Fable]

See that brings up an interesting point. How much of this age based bias is also just in the stories people are interested in telling? I tend to do mostly slice-of-life stuff, basically characters exploring made up setting OR learning made up occupations. So not a lot of action/adventure, mystery, or romance in my stories. A loose plot might hold it all together but nothing that would require a specific age range.

So honestly outside of toddlers and the extremely elderly I don't think any age range wouldn't be welcome in my stories. I might have to try my hand at making some older or younger characters next time I start up a roleplay. It might be a fun writing exercise.

Yeah, it's just interesting to consider those factors when thinking of age and roleplay together.

It is interesting writing for a character for the younger/older side outside of the RpN average age for PCs. Older characters would carry more history with them while younger would be much more limited in experiences. I look at my young niece and I literally cannot even fathom being that young once. The sulking type tantrums of not getting your way still exist at her age, toilet humor is a top interest for her, and her interest changes at a whim going from pokemon to digimon to naturo (which we had to explain to her parents isn't actually age appropriate for her, lol. Sexy ninjitsu, porn mags hidden in books references, etc.)

 

[Redfork2000]

This is an interesting topic. As for me, I'm 18, and even though the characters I most RP are those that are ages 14-25, I wouldn't have much of a problem adjusting to RPing younger or older characters if it was necessary.

I've never had much of a problem RPing with different age groups. I can RP with a 14 year old as well as I can RP with a 40 year old. The age doesn't really mean that much to me. I understand that different generations have different interests and views on age, but I've always thought that what identifies the mindset of each generation is simply what is the most notable mindset of that generation. What I mean is that even though most teenagers think a certain way, it varies significantly from one individual to the next, meaning that you can RP with two people that are the same age, and yet have an incredibly different experience with each of them, because their personal interests play a bigger role in defining their tastes and preferences than age does. Same goes for people in older age groups. I understand why people tend to generalize that certain age groups are a certain way, but I definitely pay much more attention to the personal interests and preferences of each individual more than ages.

I for one know this from my own experience. As far as I can remember, I've always been radically different from most people my age. For example, most people my age wouldn't have a problem with gore, or with dark themes. I just don't fele comfortable with dark themes. Gee, even swear words make me uncomfortable, while most people my age seem to have no problems with it. Or for example, Although most people my age prefer the beginning of a romance, and generally don't put much interest into more advanced stages as marriage, parenthood, etc, I personally wouldn't mind roleplaying that kind of stuff. Most people my age who like videogames will almost certainly mention some kind of shooter game within their favorites. It's a common thing for me at this point that while most people tend to have +12 or even +18 rated games within their favorites, my collection of favorites is the kind of games you'd let your ten year old sibling or child play: Sonic, Kirby, Mega Man, Plants vs Zombies, nothing +12 or +18 rated anywhere. Back in school my classmates wouldn't understand why I never played the kind of games they liked. It's just a matter of preferences. I'll tell you that I've never heard a K-pop song, and I don't even know the name of a single band. Videogame soundtracks are what I listen to all the time. For me even 70's disco music is more familiar than K-pop, which I've noticed has became a trend with people of my age group.

What do I mean to say with this? Well, I'm not saying anyone is right or wrong. This is just my opinion. For me what really counts isn't how young or old my RP partner is, but rather what they're interested in. What do they like to RP? What do they want to add into the roleplay? And yes, even though the age of the roleplayer can really influence what a person's interests will be and what their mindset will be like, I don't consider it to be an important factor on its own when it comes to choosing a roleplaying partner.

 

[rae2nerdy]

Redfork2000
I think that there are certainly exceptions to every rule, but you can't bank on those exceptions when making roleplays. For instance one of the exceptions that I personally find myself in is the fact that I don't like romance. So I am very much an exception to the rule in terms of women and 1x1 roleplayers.

I wouldn't dream to say all women or even all 1x1 roleplayers require romance in their roleplays. But I am well aware that it will take me three times as long to find someone who is interested in a non-romantic story than it will to find someone who is interested in a romantic one.

The same thing is true for age ranges I think. Yeah there are people who don't care about real life age of partners (I'm one of them) and there are also people who don't have a preference in character age range. But that doesn't necessarily mean those people will be easy to find or really represent the general roleplaying community.

Heck even for myself, I don't actually care what age my characters are. But I know that I tend to stick to my comfort zone of 20 - 30. Not because I can't/don't want to play characters that are older or younger, it just doesn't occur to me to make characters outside of that age range.

Which ties into the whole comfort zone thing. We all have different comfort zones but generally speaking there tends to be a degree of overlap in the comfort zones of specific age demographics.

That doesn't mean everyone fits into that comfort zone but that if you were to try to ask say 10 people, chances are 8 to 9 of them would be within that comfort zone somewhere.

 

[CatGirl]

I'm currently writing as a 10 year old boy, several 20+ to 30+ year old women, two 30+ year old men and as old as a 50+ year old man. I'm pretty flexible, as long as they are canon characters that I know to the bone. I haven't tried doing that with OCs, but I assume it'd be similar.

 

[Redfork2000]

rae2nerdy
I understand what you're saying. I know that those generalizations exist for a reason. What I mean is that I rather focus on the trait itself than on the age range that itself. I understand that certain age groups may share a certain type of interests that may be harder to find in other age groups. What I mean is that instead of focusing on the age group, I rather focus on the traits I want.

For example, if I want an RP about marriage and parenthood, I'm much more likely to focus on that topic in itself, than to call for the age group that most likely wants to roleplay that. I definitely understand why certain people would prefer to roleplay with certain age groups. I'm just saying that it's not an important factor in itself for me. I think the most important reason why people prefer certain age groups is because of the kind of roleplaying style they usually go for. Younger ones might be more willing to do school RPs, K-pop fandoms, etc, than older roleplayers, while older ones are more likely to focus on RPs with characters that are a bit older, more realistic settings, and with a different kind of plots, etc. It's understandable, as age does influence what you like. What I'm trying to say is that I tend to focus more on those interests on their own than the ages that usually share those interests. So instead of saying: "I want a partner that is at least this age", I'd say: "I want a partner that is willing to RP this:". Instead of focusing on the age itself, I tend to focus more on what kind of an RP partner I want to have.

So for example, if someone doesn't like to play with younger roleplayers for certain reasons (Perhaps they're looking for more experienced roleplayers, perhaps they're looking for more descriptive and literate roleplayers, perhaps they want to play a certain kind of plot that young roleplayers aren't usually interested in), I'd usually go more to mentioning what kind of roleplayer I'm looking for. I'm not saying it's not a good idea to use age groups. I certainly understand why roleplayers tend to prefer certain age groups. What I'm trying to say is that I don't think it's an important factor on it's own, but rather because it tends to come along with certain traits and roleplaying preferences. In my case, I focus more on searching for those traits and roleplaying preferences than the age itself.

On the other hand, where I do think preferring certain age groups is definitely the way to go is when you want to RP something you wouldn't be comfortable RPing with someone younger. I don't really know what that would be, since I'm not much into dark themes or anything else I wouldn't RP with a teenager, but I understand some people want to RP darker themes, gore, or anything else they wouldn't want to RP with a younger person, and prefer to RP that with someone old enough for them to be comfortable RPing that kind of themes.

 

[rae2nerdy]

Redfork2000 Certainly I agree with you. I don't have age preferences listed in any of my searches, whether it be a player or character age. I pretty much just look for people who share my interests and want to tell the stories I'm interested in telling.

But I have noticed even without that preference listed I still tend to end up with players and characters within a specific age range (20-30). Again not because I seek them out or because they HAVE to be those ages. That just happens to be the age range of people that are interested in the same things as me AND the age range of the characters I kind of default to.

Now I do play with people older and younger, but as I mentioned previously that tends to be purely when I'm playing Harry Potter.

So dunno maybe it's just the fandom is super age-inclusive.

 

[Redfork2000]

rae2nerdy That's understandable. As I said, I do know that there's certain topics and settings that happen to interest a certain age group. It's something that can't be denied. I was referring to it mostly from the point of view of what I search for when I want to find a roleplaying partner. I end up RPing with a certain age range most of the time as well (15-25), not because I choose to, but because those happen to be the roleplayers that end up getting interested in the same kind of roleplays I do.

However, I would definitely like to diversify and get into different kinds of roleplays. I tend to be pretty flexible when it come to RPing, and besides dark themes, gore and that kind of stuff, or fandoms I'm unfamiliar with, there isn't much I wouldn't try roleplaying.

 

[rae2nerdy]

rae2nerdy That's understandable. As I said, I do know that there's certain topics and settings that happen to interest a certain age group. It's something that can't be denied. I was referring to it mostly from the point of view of what I search for when I want to find a roleplaying partner. I end up RPing with a certain age range most of the time as well (15-25), not because I choose to, but because those happen to be the roleplayers that end up getting interested in the same kind of roleplays I do.

However, I would definitely like to diversify and get into different kinds of roleplays. I tend to be pretty flexible when it come to RPing, and besides dark themes, gore and that kind of stuff, or fandoms I'm unfamiliar with, there isn't much I wouldn't try roleplaying.

Certainly as I said we aren’t disagreeing more like fleshing our each other’s point.

I myself might try to diversify every now and again but I stick pretty close to my set interests.

I think I just know what I like and know what doesn’t keep me engaged.

But no harm in mixing it up every now and again.

 

[Jannah]

Once again I'm reminded of how little I fit the standard female stereotypes. I actually usually prefer writing male characters(although I'll write either gender and nearly any age range). I don't like my stories to be purely romance(in other words, if there's to be romance it has to develop naturally and not be the main focus of the story), and I enjoy a little action here and there. A lot of female RPers also tend to like modern slice of life type stories and those personally bore me so I never seek them out. Maybe because writing for me is kind of supposed to be an escape from real life for me since my own life pretty much sucks, idk. If I must do a modern setting then usually there will be some kind of fantastical elements included in it.

 

[rae2nerdy]

Once again I'm reminded of how little I fit the standard female stereotypes. I actually usually prefer writing male characters(although I'll write either gender and nearly any age range). I don't like my stories to be purely romance(in other words, if there's to be romance it has to develop naturally and not be the main focus of the story), and I enjoy a little action here and there. A lot of female RPers also tend to like modern slice of life type stories and those personally bore me so I never seek them out. Maybe because writing for me is kind of supposed to be an escape from real life for me since my own life pretty much sucks, idk. If I must do a modern setting then usually there will be some kind of fantastical elements included in it.

Actually the whole "romance develops along the plot" tends to be the default for romance roleplays. In fact from what I see in 1x1 searches most people go out of their way to say they want romances that build up organically and not just instant love. This is unfortunate because the only romances I CAN write are either super scripted OR already established relationships (married or divorced).

The second part is definitely true though, the modern slice of life thing is almost exclusively women doing romances.

(Incidentally these same tropes also seem to go hand in hand with strict age ranges in terms of how old the partner must be and how old the character must be)

 

[Jannah]

Actually the whole "romance develops along the plot" tends to be the default for romance roleplays. In fact from what I see in 1x1 searches most people go out of their way to say they want romances that build up organically and not just instant love. This is unfortunate because the only romances I CAN write are either super scripted OR already established relationships (married or divorced).

The second part is definitely true though, the modern slice of life thing is almost exclusively women doing romances.

(Incidentally these same tropes also seem to go hand in hand with strict age ranges in terms of how old the partner must be and how old the character must be)

Well even in those scenarios the end game still seems to be scripted in favour of the characters ending up in love. When I write I like to leave the possibility of romance or not open because then nobody is forced into writing their characters a certain way just to fit the conclusion of the plotline or whatever.

 

[rae2nerdy]

Well even in those scenarios the end game still seems to be scripted in favour of the characters ending up in love. When I write I like to leave the possibility of romance or not open because then nobody is forced into writing their characters a certain way just to fit the conclusion of the plotline or whatever.

If you don't mind my asking how do you determine if romance is to be added then? Do you make your characters with the assumption that they will eventually have a romance if your partner wants it? Do you write your characters without romance and only add it in if your partner seems interested?

In my experience romance is a lot like age. People will always default to their comfort zone unless forced to move beyond it by the plot.

I don't require ages for instance but I do tend to default to all my characters being 20-30. The only time I stray beyond that is if the plot requires a specific age outside of that range. So even if someone was to tell me, hey you can make your character whatever age it doesn't matter. I would still default to 20-30 because that's my comfort zone.

And in my experience romance is treated the exact same way. People tend to have a specific comfort zone in terms of either always writing romance into a story or keeping romance entirely out of the story. And absent any direct preference by their partner/interference of the plot they will just automatically add romance or remove it.