Why Couldn't You See Me? {Moony + Jay Fox}

[Tachibae_]

Closed Roleplay Between MoonysMischief and Jay Fox.

Harry Potter : Marauders : Wolfstar {Remus x Sirius}

{ Will Post First Response Soon }​

 

[Tachibae_]

Remus Lupin



​

It was hard to believe after seven years of constant bonding at Hogwarts, their little adventure was over. Still, each of the four boys all wanted to remain close. Even though they could nolonger create mischief at Hogwarts, it was time they moved on to the real world. Still, Remus was insistent to never forget the Golden Years. Even though there was rough spots, he loved every moment of his friends. Yet they landed in detention constantly, Remus was still able to hang out with his friends. And he adored that very fact. So when James Potter, a close friend and a fellow Marauder invited the four of them to his manor, Remus was one of the quickest to say "yes". He had thrown on one of his iconic jumpers earlier that morning along with a buffy sweater.


It didn't seem like James at all to host a mushy get together. But since he had already proposed to Lily- who surprisingly said yes- James had managed to soften up a bit more. But Remus was so distracted by the thought of being able to see his secret crush, Sirius, again that he couldn't care less that James's personality had tweaked a little. Smiling to himself, Remus apparated over to his friend's house in a matter of a few seconds. Sure enough, he was greeted by a huge mansion. James had always been rich, and his house was only more proof.


"Remus!" He looked up to be greeted by Mrs. Potter who held the door wide open for him. Remus smiled at her, and walked up the stairs. He made it to the front door, instantly being hugged by James's mother. He hugged her back, and happily whispered a "thank you" into her ear before pulling apart. "James wants you to meet him in the living room over there." She informed, moving aside so that Remus could make his way into the estate.


He nodded. "Okay, thank you." He said, moving inside of the huge house. Remus smiled slightly, looking all around the mansion, always be awed by how beautiful it was. Walking down the hallway, he took a turn at an open hole in the wall that lead to the living room. He wondered if Sirius or Peter had already arrived or if he was the first. Once he made it in through, he loosened up as he heard a happy call for him.


"C'mon in, Remus."



​

@Jay Fox

 

[Jay Fox]

He could have Apparated to the mansion, sure, but Sirius just liked riding around on his bike more than he liked the convenience of being able to get to places in only a few seconds. He had taken the scenic route as well, loving the feeling of the wind blowing through his hair. Sometimes it bothered him that they maybe weren't all as close as they had been: after all, for seven years, they had all slept in the same room and been in each other's pockets every day of the week. Even during holiday time, he had gone home with James and been treated like one of the family. The Potters still welcomed him and treated him like another son, and he still went round every Sunday for his dinner. But they'd grown up. It was inevitable, it came with perks, but it was kind of sad at the same time.


So what exactly was the issue, when he still saw James so often? Sirius had an inkling. He found himself thinking, often, about another of his close friends. You might not have known it from the casual tone of the letters he occasionally wrote, but he missed Remus a great deal. That wasn't really something you could write in a letter, though, was it?


As usual, Mrs Potter greeted him like a son returning home, and he in turn gave her a cheeky grin and a wink after hugging her.


"Euphemia! Beautiful as ever." he smiled.


James wouldn't talk about it and Sirius knew him well enough to know that he was prone to fits of denial around the things that mattered, but he could see the signs of age catching up on James' parents, who had always been advanced in years ever since Sirius had known them, having had their son later than most. It was unfair. Sirius' parents were both as hearty as ever, probably due to the pure hate that kept them alive.


He greeted James with a customary slap to the shoulder and threw himself down on a sofa, lounging backwards in a reclining position with his long hair falling back and hanging off the edge. He couldn't hold back the small, silly smile that spread slowly across his face when he saw Remus walk in.

 

[Tachibae_]

Almost immediately after entering the living area, Remus's eyes darted directly at a shaggy haired boy on the couch. He returned the smile, feeling slight butterflies in his stomach when he saw Sirius's goofy grin. Lupin was temporarily blinded by the other's handsome and intense features. Throughout the years, he had experienced firsthand Sirius's face growing from cute to drop dead gorgeous. When he blinked, Remus swore he could see all the previous memories all at once. Walking past James who was in rocking chair, and Peter who was on the floor scavenging in his bag for food, Remus made his way to Sirius. "I'm sorry, I was running a bit late. Slept in." He smiled lightly, and took a seat next to Black on the sofa. He hoped that his friend didn't mind, but he couldn't resist sitting down next to the boy.


"Nah." James responded, rocking his chair back and forth in a rhythmic beat. "Oh, and mum made some cookies for all of you." He informed, glancing at Sirius because he knew that he enjoyed Dorea's cooking. Remus nodded at the offer, his eyes finally leaving the black haired boy. "Lily's out with a few friends this weekend, so I thought.. why not invite the old crew back here?" Potter reasoned. "I know it's been awhile since we last saw each other. So you guys have any new news?" He asked.


Remus took the liberty of responding first. "I've been looking into a teaching job possibly at Hogwarts. I think it would be cool to be a professor." He answered, leaning back so his spine was against the sofa. Without thinking, Remus glanced at Sirius. "What about you?" He wondered. It seemed childish or unreal to think about how far they've all came. "Run over any birds with your motorcycle today, Sirius?" The boy asked with a small laugh.


Looking away from the boy next to him, Remus stared blankly at the wall as he attempted to recall all the countless memories. It seemed impossible to ever ask Sirius Black out on a date. When he wasn't in detention, rumors were always being spread around about Sirius snogging some girl out in the Forbidden Forest. Even to this day, Remus was unsure if those claims were true or if it was the result of imaginative teenage boys trying to make their lives more interesting than they really were.


But Remus wouldn't dwell on the past. Right now he had Sirius right next to him for the first time in months, and he was focused on enjoying every single second of it while it lasted.
​

 

[Jay Fox]

Over the past few years, Sirius had tried very hard to reason how he felt about Remus. At first, he just thought he found him attractive, which was fine, because Sirius found a lot of people attractive. Then he had figured that it was more than just that, but hey, a little crush, that was alright, it would pass. Five years later, and he still felt like he'd been punched in the stomach whenever Remus walked into a room. They said butterflies in the stomach? Sod butterflies, these things were bloody dragons.


Sirius sat up straight at the mention of James' Mum's cooking, and grinned eagerly: "yeah, bring those right here please and thanks, Prongs."


Raising an eyebrow at Remus, he considered that idea. As much as he felt the instant desire to mock him, he actually thought that Remus would be kind of great as a professor. After all, he had the patience to deal with the total layabouts that were the rest of them, and sometimes even managed to coax them into doing some work, which was more than any of his actual teachers had ever been able to do.


"Professor Moony." he smirked, and shrugged languidly at the question about what he'd been up to.


"We're young, we're beautiful... well, okay, I am... I'm not thinking about getting a job right now, thanks." he yawned and then laughed "Run over, no, but I got a few birds' phone numbers when I was fuelling up."


He winked rakishly at James, who gave him a thumbs up. He was mostly kidding, although he had casually flirted a bit with a Muggle girl at a petrol station. The casual flirting was wearing a bit thin at the moment, though, which was unfortunate. Maybe it was because of James and Lily settling down. Much as he would never admit it out loud, maybe he was looking for something a bit more serious.


To distract himself from these suddenly deep thoughts, he turned into a black shaggy dog, leapt off the sofa to where Peter was sitting, and stuck his head in the other boy's bag, emerging with several biscuits between his teeth and crunching them up. He then leapt back to where he'd been sitting beside Remus, and butted his head against the other man. It was easier to be more affectionate as a dog than in his human form.

 

[Tachibae_]

Remus watched James pardon himself to go and retrieve the cookies from the other room. Even though the cookies were a room away, Remus's mouth watered at the chocolatey smell. Yet, his thoughts were evicted from his brain as Sirius called him a 'professor'. Waiting for the hurdle of jokes, the boy arched an amused eyebrow. When no other words came out, Remus sparked a small grin. "Oi, you're losing your touch, Pads." He commented with a toothy grin.





From across the room, James stopped in his tracks at the comment of being "young and beautiful". "Sirius. What about me? I can assure you that I'm positively absolutely younger and more beautiful." The Potter cockily replied, leaving earshot to go and retrieve the cookies.


Remus let out a chuckle, focusing his attention back to Sirius. "Ah. I know you're flirty, but I didn't think you'd go as far as to actually get numbers from another species. All time low." He winked, making sure that the joke stayed alive and didn't go flat.


Out of the corner of his eyes, Moony watched James flash a thumbs up at Sirius. He pushed down mild jealousy, looking away so that his facial expressions didn't give it away. Yet, when he looked back at the couch the young male was replaced with a messy dog.


Grinning slightly to himself, he watched Sirius retrieve a biscuit or two from Peter's stash. When he felt the fur rubbing against his side, Remus opened his arms for the dog to sit on his lap. It's not weird is it...? I mean... it's just Padfoot... a dog. He told himself, subconsciously lowering his hand down to rub behind Padfoot's ear.


After a few moments, James returned with a small jar of cookies. "Here ya go, mate." He replied, placing the container next to Padfoot. He second glanced over at the boys on the sofa. "Still close, eh?"



​

 

[Jay Fox]

"Still, James, we'd better watch our step. Wouldn't put it past Professor Moony to put us in detention even after we've left school." Sirius added, since he wasn't going to be made to look like he didn't have a sharp response.


Pausing only to roll his eyes at James, he tilted his head back and chuckled.


"Birds of the human girl variety." he added by way of explanation.


After he'd turned into his dog form, he had been slightly surprised by exactly how willing Remus was to let him basically sit on his lap. Sirius let out a soft whine and tilted his head, leaning into the hand that was scratching behind his ear. Probably Remus just thought of him as completely a dog when he was like that. And, somehow, he was okay with that. Sure, it was a problem that he was turning into a dog just to be closer to the man, but hey, maybe he was just pathetic that way.


He barked at James when he came back to the room, leaning across to snuffle at the jar of cookies. In a flash, he was a man again, half leaning across Remus to grab the jar, before moving quickly back to sitting on the sofa. As in, not on the other man's lap.


"What're you getting at, Prongs?" he asked, opening the jar and grabbing a couple, shoving them in his mouth.

 

[Tachibae_]

A tiny pit grew in his stomach as Sirius openly announced that he had done his daily flirting already. But, of course, what made Remus think that he wouldn't have? It was just a typical day with straight-as-a-ruler Sirius. Still, despite the heartache that was caused by it, Remus still loved the man. That was merely a fact in his law book. Sure enough, Sirius had managed to snap back with another comment. "Then you two can't mess with me. I'm sure I can make that possible, somehow." He encouraged with a grin.


When James had arrived with the cookies, he looked down at Padfoot who managed to change back into a human. To his own disappointment, Remus watched Sirius crawl out of his lap. Even though he was known to push off Sirius's aimless little flirts, Lupin secretly obsessed over every little compliment. He watched the boy grab a handful before grabbing a cookie of his own and slowly eating, his eyes flickering up to James when he commented on how close they were. The man lifted an eyebrow. "Yeah... what does that mean?" He questioned.


James gave them a surprised look, wondering how they hadn't caught on yet. "Well, ain't it obvious?" He asked, sitting down back in his chair. "Ever since the first day, over seven years ago, you two have been all 'hearty-eyed' when you look at eachother. It's extremely gay, you know." Potter laughed, glancing to see if Peter had agreed. By the serious nod from Pettigrew, it was obvious that he thought it, too. "I mean, when Sirius took Marlene to the Yule Ball, Remus was giving jealous glares at her the whole time. Then, when Dorcas got homework help from Remus in sixth year, Sirius was obviously offended." James bluntly said, no emotion in his face. He looked purely annoyed by the fact they hadn't gotten together yet.


Remus turned a light red, too ashamed to look at Sirius. He knew that it was very true. When Marlene and Sirius had broken up, Remus tried to hide his pure joy. "James, are you daft?" He mumbled. "I swear, you have such of an imaginative brain. You should have used it when you were doing homework. Don't be ridiculous. Marlene was just annoying and she was going to hurt Sirius anyways. Then when it came to Dorcas, Sirius was probably annoyed by how I had to ditch pranking to help her." He attempted to explain.
​

 

[Jay Fox]

Sirius looked down. James was his best friend, and even after all these years, he'd never dared to tell him how he felt about Remus. Although, to be quite honest, he'd struggled for so long to admit it to himself. While James had been practically yelling from the rooftops how he felt about Lily, Sirius had been keeping his own secrets clutched to his chest, while acting like the biggest ladies' man in Hogwarts. Okay, so it wasn't that he didn't like girls. He probably would have liked them just fine if he hadn't met Remus. It was just the fact that, all this time, he had been unable to get over the absolutely devastating feelings he had for his friend.


Still, it wasn't like he hadn't tried, a few times, to gauge the reaction. He flirted with everybody, true, and it rarely meant anything. He flirted with James' Mum, he flirted with James even, in a kind of jokey over-macho way, and he definitely flirted with Remus. But whenever he did, he felt like Remus was just totally uncomfortable with the whole thing, and that just broke Sirius' heart, so he didn't push.


He couldn't make eye contact with any of them right now in case they saw the truth written across his face like he felt it must be. His heart sank when Remus started explaining it all away. Of course, James had hit the nail on the head when it came to him feeling jealous whenever a girl showed interest in Remus, but apparently Remus' only sour feelings came from being his friend. Merlin's beard, what kind of bitter man was he turning into, where he resented the fact that his friends looked out for him rather than feeling some kind of deep romantic tension?


"You perv, Prongs," he said, trying to laugh it off "If I wanted to date Moony, don't you think I would have by now?"


No, he wouldn't, because he was a bloody coward.

 

[Tachibae_]

Remus stayed silent after his answer as everyone in the room was taking his response a different way. Deep down he regretted bluntly announcing such things without another thought. His impulse reaction was to defend his feelings, after all... what could have he lost by pushing it away? Was he sick in his mind as well as his body? Remus had been craving Sirius's flirts for years but being the terrified person he was, he'd push it all away. His eyes flickered temporarily up at James who was staring between both boys.


There was no easy way to look Sirius in the eyes and admit that James had just bombed everyone with the truth. Marlene was able to wrap her arms around Sirius and kiss him whenever whereas Remus couldn't even imagine a reality that would be possible for him. Personally he had nothing against the girl,but he did have a grudge against the love she had for Sirius. And the love Sirius had for her. Sighing slightly, he finally looked over at Sirius when he started laughing about the whole scenario. Of course it was stupid to think a handsome man like him would ever even consider being with a man like me.





"Yeah, um. Sirius's right.." Remus tried to push away his absolute disappointment. Why was he even angry in the first part? After all, he still had Sirius, James, and Peter as his best friends. Maybe it was because Remus wanted more from Sirius. He wanted to wake up every morning to that beautiful face. But that was a pointless dream that would never make it to reality. Nor would it even see the daylight. "It's stupid."


James paused a let out a chuckle. "You two are blind as bats.. One day I swear you two will snap from the romantic tension and just snog in a closet. Oi, don't call me a bloody perv, Sirius. I've seen how pervy you and Remy are when you look at each other. The heart eyes are undeniable."


Remus felt the pit in his stomach grow. "I mean... if Sirius or I had asked the other out, I mean.. we'd obviously be together... But if there's no romance here... then why would you even start to suggest I - erm - we would want to ever be that close? After all, I still have Dorcas's number in cellphone, and Sirius has all those ladies's digits.."
​

 

[Jay Fox]

He still couldn't bring himself to look at Remus, and instead seemed to be very interested in a spot on the wall. Still, it did hurt when Remus said the idea was stupid, and more so as he kept talking, about how there was clearly no romance between them. He felt his teeth set together in a straight line, gritting them hard, almost grinding them with the effort that it took to keep a straight face and not let his disappointment show.


"Yeah because you're the most insightful one of us all, Prongs." Sirius said sarcastically "So observant, you are. I forgot you were practically a bloody detective."


The retort came out almost automatically, when really he was wondering if Remus really was still interested in that girl. Somehow it was worse that Remus hadn't dated in school as much as Sirius did. It probably meant he was more discerning, and that the people he was interested in... well, that he really was seriously interested in them.


"Yep, ladies. And blokes, too." Sirius said casually, as though this was something he mentioned regularly, although he knew for certain that he had never until now confirmed the fact that he liked men as well.


Peter made a small gasping noise but Sirius continued to stare at the wall as though it was the most interesting thing in the world. Secretly, though, he was using the glass of a cabinet across the room to look at Remus' reflection, to see how he had reacted to that bit of news.

 

[Tachibae_]

Remus's heart pounded quickly in the chamber of his own heart. He had just spat out so many lies for the sake of defending his feelings, he instantly felt whoozy. Part of him regretted his quick mouth, but the other part of him longed to keep it a secret that he would be taking to the grave. Sighing softly, he attempted to smile at the quick insult Sirius threw at James. To be honest, the Potter boy was really as observant as a brick wall. But, apparently he was much better than Remus could have ever guessed. Sighing, The Lupin had hid a wall.


In the span of seven years, Remus had dated less than a handful of girls. Each of the relationship lasting almost a whole year. Yet, Remus never felt anything for them. Each time he asked someone out, it would be because Sirius had told the Marauders about a date he went on the previous night. Then, the only reason Remus had kept them around for so long was because he couldn't stand the fact of breaking someone's heart. It was awful because he later realized he was just leading them on, but Remus didn't have the heart to break up with them sooner. Mostly out of hope Sirius would get jealous. But he never did.





Just as he was going to open his mouth for a smart response, he was silenced by Sirius's next statement. He had just outed himself. Remus's mouth dangled open for a few seconds. His eyes lit up at the thought of actually having a shot with Mr. Not-As-Straight-As-A-Ruler-Anymore. But he was quick to cover his delight with shock. He faced back towards Sirius, staring at his back. Swallowing rising bile, the boy batted the bush. "So... you're also into men, Sirius?" He asked dryly, trying not to sound overly excited.


James had been emotionless for a few moments before nearly falling out of his seat. He resisted the urge to shout, "I KNEW IT". Remus bit his lip, and stood up. "I'll be right back... I need some fresh air." He panicked, knowing that if he stayed in that room any longer he would let out a scream of glee. He had to go outside and let out his utter joy at the outing. Sirius could be his one day.
​

 

[Jay Fox]

Even though he'd largely just said that to gauge Remus' reaction, Sirius was at least a little concerned about what his other friends would think. Well, less so Peter: after all, he was fairly convinced that Wormtail would just look to James to find out what he was supposed to think.


"Yeah," Sirius replied, as casually as he could, as though it was no big deal "Why not?"


To be fair to Sirius, he had never explicitly said that he wasn't into men as well, but people had assumed that. On the other hand, since he only really mentioned relationships with women, he could see where they got that idea. To be honest, when he'd been at Hogwarts, there hadn't really been much opportunity to explore that. Sure, a few tentative kisses behind tapestries, but all with self-hating boys who threatened to hex Sirius to oblivion if he even hinted that anything had happened. And he'd honoured that.


As time went by, it occurred to him that maybe that was the answer. Maybe it wasn't Remus at all, but men in general that he wanted, and he was simply fixating on one man in particular. After leaving Hogwarts, his attempts to rid his mind of Remus had become a lot more fevered. He had spent a great deal of his time in Muggle gay bars, where it seemed that the self-hating thing happened a lot less. He guessed it was something to do with pureblood pride and lineage and the strange insular world of wizards that meant that openly liking men seemed far more dangerous when he was at Hogwarts. One thing he learnt from spending time on the Muggle scene was that not everybody thought that way. It was kind of freeing, in its way. And he'd got his answer. Men were great, great to touch, to kiss, to flirt, to... whatever, but he felt exactly the same as he had with the girls he'd dated over the years. It was nice, a great distraction, he enjoyed himself, but there was still that yearning, that sense that something was missing.


"Put your eyes back in, Prongs." Sirius snorted at the flabbergasted expression on his best friend's face, acting flippant to hide the fact that saying that out loud had actually been a big deal for him.


His stomach dropped when Remus had said he needed fresh air. He'd freaked him out, he knew it. Out of all people... he wouldn't have thought Remus would judge him for this. He was one of the most compassionate, open-minded and least prejudiced people Sirius had ever known. But clearly Remus wasn't okay with this.

 

[Tachibae_]

Remus sat up from the sofa gradually, his eyes not wanting to leave the ground. From afar, he must have seemed perpetually conflicted. He was put in a situation where he had to decide if it was better to hold the emotions in and comfort Sirius, or to let them all out and leave the poor kid wondering. It wasn't like he actually wanted my comfort. He'd just joke about my sexual orientation as well. Standing up and walking through the living room, every single step he made seemed to make the floor creak beneath him. His pockets got heavier as if he was holding down a weight. Looking over his shoulder at the shaggy haired boy, he seemed almost as if he was pleased with coming out, fearless and free.





With one last glance at James who had managed to pack his emotions back together and was starting to process the idea. "So, Sirius. Now that you're out as gay or bisexual or something, would you mind telling me if you think my rear end is attractive?"James wondered aimlessly, teasing his best friend to assure him that he was alright with the sexual orientation. Remus cracked a small smile as he headed out the door frame.


"Just because he also likes men doesn't mean he doesn't have standards, James." Remus whistled with a small chuckle, heading out and into the long corridor. Once he became out view, the Lupin cracked a huge grin on his lips. He wasn't exactly sure why he was getting so excited over Sirius coming out. It wasn't like the boy had just got on his knees and asked him out or anything. Opening the rigid front door, Remus stepped out to be greeted with a strong gust of wind. Letting his shoulders loosen up, he closed his eyes for a few seconds and let the air carry him away to another foreign land.


The thing with Remus was that he never was exactly sure what his orientation really was. With the handful of girls he had dated, he never felt a spark. He had never been with a male, but the idea never really caught him. It wasn't the certain gender he wanted. He wanted people despite whatever they identified as. After his sixth year, Remus had came to the conclusion he was demisexual demiromantic. Basically, he wasn't able to experience any pleasure or happiness in a romance unless it involved someone that he had previously developed a emotional connection. It seemed very close minded of him to think that the one person he only really wanted to date was Sirius, and that mere fact was pulling down his life. He wasn't able to flirt with anyone because his head and heart was set one person. And Remus hated it.


Opening his eyes, Remus came to the conclusion that it was time to go back in. Finally wiping the huge silly grin off of his face, he opened the door and trailed down the corridor. Then, taking a sharp turn left, he walked into the room. Without saying a word, Remus came and sat down next to Sirius. Placing a hand on the other's knee, he attempted to look the man in the eyes. "It's alright that you also like men, Sirius. We still love you because you're that bright, funny, and helpful man that is our friend. I couldn't care less if you kissed men or women. I still will support you no matter what, and James and Peter would do the exact same because we care and love you." He whispered softly, sending the Black a soft smile. "Thank you for making not making me the only one in the group that is romantically interested in men." He replied, hoping to slip his outing in casually.
​

 

[Jay Fox]

"Hate to break it to ya Prongs, but I'm way out of your league," Sirius joked back "You'd better stick with Lily."


Still, despite the fact that they communicated almost entirely through jokes and teasing rather than getting all heartfelt and mushy, Sirius appreciated James making the effort to show that he was okay with it all. He did care about what James thought, truly, but he hadn't wanted to make a big deal of it and do some great big coming out speech, because it wasn't a big deal. If any of them had asked him before today, he would have told them. It was just that nobody asked.


He was still assuming that Remus had left the room because he felt uncomfortable, even disgusted... or maybe, Remus had realised that Sirius' clumsy attempts at flirtation over the years were serious, and not just Sirius messing around? What if he was specifically horrified that Sirius was into him? He swallowed, and took another cookie, trying to seem unconcerned. After all, James had already worked out that he had a thing for Remus, and probably saw Sirius' sexuality as being another point in support of that theory. Which, of course, was true, but Sirius didn't want James to know that. Much as he loved his best friend, who was more like a brother to him than his own brother Regulus, he knew full well that James was as subtle as a Bludger. With one big exception, and that was Remus being a werewolf, James was terrible at keeping secrets. Especially when he believed that he was helping, and he seemed to think that just pushing two people together would lead to them being in love and everything being fine.


As Remus came to sit down beside him, Sirius was already trying to work out what he was going to say. Just laugh it off, maybe? Or come clean, finally, and damn the consequences? But then Remus spoke, and Sirius felt his jaw drop a little. He looked up, meeting Remus' eyes for the first time.


"Moony," he said slowly, softly, not really wanting the others to hear this bit "You mean, you... really?"

 

[Tachibae_]

Remus glanced up at Sirius his eyes catching straight on the boy. He smiled softly, and nodded reassuringly. "Yes - Really. I mean it." The werewolf finished for his best friend even though he wasn't sure which topic the boy was getting at. "You should know by now that we're all in this together." Lupin vowed, recalling all the times the four boys joined together to aid one another. Whether it was his 'fluffy little problem', or one of James's prone-to-fail attempts to asking Lily out, they all stuck together as a small, dysfunctional family. But, Remus had always wanted more from Sirius. Out of all the people he went to school with, the werewolf had always found it strange how he was attracted to one of the biggest heartbreakers around. Still, it was all worth it when Remus caught a glimpse of that perfect little smile of Sirius's.





For a few seconds, the brunette studied Sirius's shocked look. Deciding to help him decipher the confession, Remus smiled. "I guess that now that both of us are out, we don't have to discreetly stare at men anymore." He said softly, trying to make this new situation the brand new normal for the four of them. But now when I stare at you, you'll know it's not just because you're a friend. There was another reason why Sirius held such of a strong place in his heart as well. Whenever he started to think about liking someone else, a big burden held him back. How was he going to discreetly drop the bomb that he was a werewolf? Sirius was already informed and didn't care about it. And Remus liked that.


James pressed his lips together, scanning back and forth over the two boys. Just as predicted, this only provided solid proof for his theory. Pulling up a small smirk, he stood up for a few moments. "Hey, Sirius... can I talk to you alone in the other room?" He asked, wanting to get to the bottom of this whole situation before anything unwanted arose.


Remus frowned slightly at James's request, but he knew better than to question what his motive was. Sighing softly, he broke eye contact with Sirius, and turned to glance at Peter. Sure enough, Pettigrew was on the ground eating a sandwich, listening to the conversation that was going on all around him.
​

 

[Jay Fox]

He supposed he should have had more faith. It was true that whatever problems had come their way, they had faced, and got through it as a group. They were friends, more like family, the four of them... and Lily, too, he supposed. As much as he grumbled that her influence made James too sensible, he actually felt that she was good for him. They were good for each other. He thought that was probably what love was, making each other be the best version of themselves they could be.


Nobody who knew Sirius would have pegged him for the romantic type, or imagined he had such lofty, overly sentimental ideas about love. In fact, he was well known as a cynic, somebody who didn't really believe in love. It wasn't true, though. It was just the impression he preferred to give people. And, truthfully, he didn't want to hurt anybody who might think that he could be serious about them, when he knew he didn't have it in him, apart from one big exception.


"Reckon you're the first person to call me discreet," Sirius smirked, although once again that wasn't quite true: he could be discreet when it mattered.


Remus' words felt like a mixed blessing. On one hand, yes, maybe now he had more of a shot, now he knew that Remus was into men too. But of course, it didn't mean that he would automatically be interested in Sirius. And maybe this was the explanation for why Remus had never really shown all that much interest: Sirius knew Remus hadn't outright stated that he preferred men, but perhaps if that was the case, it had just been a case of him being closeted, and now he would be able to date more freely if he wanted.


"Uh," Sirius looked up at James in surprise: his best friend looked unusually serious "Yeah, alright."


He rose from the sofa and followed James, shooting a quizzical look at Peter, who looked as nonplussed as he was.

 

[Tachibae_]

Remus parted his lips but held back his tongue for a few moments after Sirius commented on their act. Smiling softly, he decided that it was best to get everything off of his chest while they were talking about it. "Well, I must have been as blind as a bat because I never caught you looking for a man. Trust me, I would have known if you did because after all, you were my first crush. " He said calmly, allowing the confession to roll off his tongue with ease. Even though he had clued in Sirius that he was his first crush, Remus decided against telling the other that he was still that crush. Possibly even more. Now that he was able to imagine a world full of bliss when Sirius came out, there was high percentage that he was looking at other men. Heck, he might even be with another man in secret. The thought set Remus off as he furrowed his brow.


Before he could really muster out anything more, James had stepped in to ask Sirius to talk to him in private. Remus scanned the shorter's emotions, trying to figure out what he could possibly ask. Giving James a puzzled look, he glanced at Peter who looked confused as everyone at this point. Sighing, Remus came to the conclusion that he wouldn't know unless one of them announced it in an ostentatious manner.


James walked over to the doorframe with Sirius, guiding him down a long hallway that had multiple doors. Going into the second door on the right, which happened to be a bathroom, Potter opened the door so that both of them could slip in. Once both of them were settled in, James looked up at Sirius. He was prepared to dive into the more serious questions. Curving his lips into a smile, James arched an eyebrow. "Sirius... I've got to ask you a question. Since I'm your best friend and everything." The boy began.


"Are you dating someone - more in particularly, a man right now?" He asked. Even though it might have seemed pointless at the time to ask, James had his reasons. "Also- if you are single, did you and Remus ever date without anyone knowing?" He wondered, the second question just for his own pure curiosity. James had picked up the idea that they definitely had something, but he wasn't sure what that 'something' really was.


"It's not really over important, the second one, but I'm still wondering if my analyzation was correct." James quickly added.
​

 

[Jay Fox]

"Moony, I don't have to look. With a face like this..." he framed his face cheekily in a square made of his hands "...people just come to me. It's human nature."


But the part about Remus having a crush on him... that threw him for a loop. He stared for a moment, trying to remember when, if ever, he had noticed Remus behaving in any way that would have made him think that. When they'd first all become friends, Remus had certainly been the quietest one, but he'd never thought... he'd never noticed...


Were, Remus had said, were my first crush. As in, past tense. That made sense. Crushes came and went. It could have been six years since Remus had felt anything like that for him. And yet, that did open up a possibility. Maybe. There was still a chance.


"I can't blame you," he said, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible "You should've said something."


He had just been about to say something along the lines of 'since I kind of fancied you too', when his thoughts were cut off by James asking to see him. Now apparently wasn't the best moment to try and suss out if there really was a potential for anything else. So he followed James, who was looking unusually serious. Sirius wondered for a moment if James had just been acting that he was okay with it. Or maybe he was annoyed that Sirius, his best friend, hadn't confided in him.


"Uh."


Those questions took him aback a little.


"I'm... nope, nobody, dating nobody right now. You know me, Prongs. I don't really do 'dating', with 'feelings' and all that."


And as for the second... he only wished that was true.


"Mate, nothing has ever happened between me and Remus. Secret or otherwise."

 

[Tachibae_]

James grinned at Sirius, the mischief glimmering in his eyes. "True. I assume you always have been one for a kiss-and-diss." He agreed. "I was just wondering because Lily and I are planning our wedding, and we weren't sure if you were with someone. We had kept an open bridesmaid slot for someone special of yours, but now we'll also keep one open for the groomsmen just in case.." He said. Realizing that he sounded as prepared as Lily, James pulled a horrified face. "Next time I start acting like Lily, hex me."





"Also, just wondering. I'm still questioning but I'm your best mate, so I trust you." The Potter patted Sirius's back and guided him back to the other two boys in the living room. Sitting back down on his chair, he was surprised to find out that neither Remus or Peter had moved an inch since they had left.


Remus was sitting on the couch, biting this thumb's nail as he tried to process everything. Sirius's words rang in his head nonstop. You should've said something. He stared at the ground, but looked up when both of the boys arrived back. Wanting to pretend like he wasn't interested, Remus started picking at the bottom of his shirt as if there was a stray string that was bothering him. But it was no use, the brunette couldn't help but look up at Sirius.


"The air in this room is getting heavy. Let's discuss something a little less... farfetched." He whispered, referencing the idea of ever being with Sirius as a dream that would never come true. "But the case was, I never said anything because..." Remus paused, trying to find the right words that would help him break it to Sirius. "Because, I never was able to own up to my feelings because... I guess I thought it was kind of a useless case. I was afraid of getting heartbroken. I mean, the chances of you ever considering dating to me, were about as high as the chances of James marrying Severus."


James and Peter wrinkled their noses at the thought of Potter and Snape ever coming close to love.



​

 

[Jay Fox]

"Oh." Sirius cleared his throat, incredibly touched by that gesture, but not really knowing how to express it.


He settled for clapping James on the shoulder and muttering "Thanks mate. You'll be the first to know."


Honestly, though, at this point? He couldn't imagine meeting anybody who he'd feel seriously enough about that they should have a particular place in Lily and James' wedding. Well, apart from one certain someone.


When they got back into the living room, Sirius sat back beside Remus, and watched him, biting his nails, fiddling with his clothes... he knew his friend well enough to know that this was how he acted when he was upset or anxious. He gently took hold of Remus' wrist and pulled it away from his shirt before he wore a hole.


"Hey, it's okay. I'm not... offended or anything that you didn't say. But, Merlin, Moony, you're supposed to be the smart one. Of course I would have-- I mean. I fancied the pants off you back in school, alright?"

 

[Tachibae_]

Remus stopped his nervous little ticks when he felt Sirius's hand on his wrist. Looking over, he arched an eyebrow. He then lowered his own hand on his lap, away from the edge of his shirt. Giving Sirius his full attention, the man remained quiet. Still, he felt a small smile being lifted to his lips when the shorter spoke up.


"I guess, I mean you've said it yourself. Sure, you've flirted with me. And I've sort of flirted back with you... but I never... actually thought that you meant any of those things. You can't blame me Sirius, with a face like yours, you could win anyone over. I find it kind of stupid to dwell on some compliment that you gave me when you gave those out regularly." Remus pointed out.


"Heck, even when school got out I assumed it would be my chance to finally man up and ask you out. That is, considering that you would even date a man in the first place. Call me whatever you want, Sirius. But I can't exactly go around and openly ask people out like you can."


Remus paused, letting out a deep breath. "This is really the part that you stare at my strange. Don't pity me and say anything you don't mean. But even when I walked into this room earlier today my eyes went straight to. And why so? Because deep down, I still do have feelings for you. I informed you that you were my first crush, but I didn't tell you that somewhere I still did have hopes you'd like me."


Remus was always the one to let his heart go out of the group. When he started talking, he would forget to bite his tongue back even when he really should. Grabbing Sirius's arm, he turned the other to face him in the eye. "I'm a really smart man but it was really stupid to not let you know."
​

 

[Jay Fox]

No, he couldn't blame Remus, especially when what he was saying was true: Sirius did flirt with everybody, but part of that was because it made it easier to test the waters without exposing his feelings too easily. Not that it had done him any good, mind. He'd just ended up obscuring his feelings too much.


He stayed silent and listened, comprehension slowly dawning on him. Had Remus, all this time, just been waiting for him to make a move? And it wasn't like Sirius hadn't thought about it... daily, or more, but when it came down to it, he had been a coward. Maybe that was the Slytherin heritage rearing its ugly head, rather than the Gryffindor courage he was supposed to show.


He returned Remus' gaze, staring steadily back at him.


"Maybe it was," he agreed "But I didn't let you know either."


Gently, he rested his own hand on top of Remus' hand, where he was holding his arm.


"Remus..." he said slowly, saying the other man's real name for the first time that day.


With Sirius, calling somebody by a nickname, like 'Moony' or 'Prongs', showed friendly affection, but using their given name showed that he was serious.


"...I've always had feelings for you."

 

[Tachibae_]

Remus's eyes lowered down to the arm he was holding on to when Sirius returned the gaze at first. Listening to the other's point, the man nodded and allowed his eyes to slowly reach Padfoot's once more. When he felt a hand on his his own, a soft smile crept onto his lips. When Sirius had addressed him as "Remus", the werewolf arched a small eyebrow. It was commonly known that his friend only used their birth name in dire situations. As he listened to the man he had an extended crush on.


Knowing that the other one was actually being serious for once, Remus abandoned the need to ask him if he really meant it. "James was right.." He slowly confirmed despite the fact that James's head was already too big. "I was jealous of Marlene. And basically whoever you flirted on. Well, with the exception of the professors and James."


He looked at the ground for a few seconds before looking back into Sirius's eyes. "This might be delayed as all get out... but.."


Remus let out a nervous chuckle. "You said that you always had feelings for me... does that always even extend over to right now?" He wondered. "It's not an infatuation or just a one-time thing, right?"


James watched the boys talking as though it was some kind of soap opera. Secretly he hoped that they got together so that he didn't have to manage their "plus ones" .
​

 

[Jay Fox]

"James was right?" Sirius echoed with a note of horror in his voice, even though he knew that it was true: James had noticed his feelings for Remus even back when they were in school.


He was still joking even though the situation was serious because he always felt there should be a little lightness even in serious talks. Maybe it was a bit of a defence mechanism, not wanting to seem too serious because then you made yourself vulnerable? But also... it seemed wrong making this too serious a thing. Like, it wasn't a bad thing. Or, he didn't think so. He felt somewhere in between terror and euphoria.


Gently, he laced his fingers in with Remus' and squeezed his hand lightly, gazing at him as though he was the only other person in the room.


"Always, and now, and... probably forever, Remus." he said softly "I mean, I don't know, because you can't know until you try, right? But if I think I know you pretty well so I already know we get along, and... yeah, I reckon it's more than an infatuation. I wouldn't know. I don't really get those. Apart from for you."