Journal The Diary of a Sugar Lump

[Life.]

<p>


The title was inspired by @White Masquerade This is where my reflections, narratives and whatnot will be kept for all to see but not critique <img alt=" " data-emoticon="" height="20" src="<fileStore.core_Emoticons>/emoticons/tongue.png" srcset="<fileStore.core_Emoticons>/emoticons/tongue@2x.png 2x" title=" " width="20" /> Last one I had somehow disappeared >.> So I felt like starting up a new one.


</p>

 

[Life.]

My head whipped up as the aged woman staggered her way over to the decrepit bench. A second later and I was sitting at the end of the bench reviewing what had occurred. The woman's wrinkles wiggled up into a soft smile. A rush of heat clouded my cheeks and neck. As my eyes diverted away from the woman, I caught a hint of a rough, but amused huff of laughter from her. It was unusual for me to be in an uncomfortable situation, actually unusual for me to be in a situation at all. Why is it that I felt the need to scoot aside for the lady and grant her the spot in which she always rested in? Why am I looking away from a content face? Why am I caring at all?


If someone close to me were to see me like this, they would be wondering what was wrong with me. Me, a someone who usually never takes a second glance at a helpless stranger. Me, a someone who despises anyone happy and blessed in their life. Me, a someone who avoids any contact with people in order to not form ephemeral relationships.


Currently I sat there. In a creaky, old bench sitting beside with a small, aged woman with almost the perfect park scenery except that the pigeons weren't present. Usually at times when I feel lost or worthless, I find myself in the local bar hitting away at shots, but somehow this moment seemed more fulfilling. Just by simply sitting there.


The sun was burning brightly, a little too bright to the point where mirages of water appeared on distant sidewalks. My brown eyes squinted as I self-adjusted my vision to receive the images before me. A slight ache ran through my brain as I verbally grunted my pain.


"Nothing may seem right, but there never is there a wrong decision."


My eyes turned over to the woman that sat next to me.

 

[Life.]

Do you pray?

​

This was a question asked towards me the other day.


My answer:

No

​

Then came the follow-up question:

Why?

​

My answer:

I just don't believe.

​

Now a few seconds later I had to clarify my answer. It wasn't that I didn't believe. It was that I did not believe in the religions that dominate my country (do not quote me on this statement, I may be incorrect with the percentages of practice). Before I would pray every night since that was what I was taught, but over time I felt my belief in it sink. Many events occurred in my life but more in my mother's and I would think, "Where is the help she needs?" I would feel powerless considering there was so much as a child I could do.


As I grew older new ideas and beliefs were introduced to me through media, education, and the Internet. My belief is not exclusive to one religion but rather takes different elements of some, mostly Eastern-dominate religions.


Now to further develop on my answer, I choose not to pray because I feel as though if something needs to get done, try whatever I can in my power to accomplish it even if it is simply granting a person a smile. By shifting the mood of an individual perhaps then they can have a better day.


I realize now that I chose my set of beliefs not by my goals but the goals I wish to help others to accomplish. I accepted my beliefs and values through thinking of my actions against others and that my spirit can make an impact in most of everybody's lives I meet. I don't want to follow the beliefs to where I partake in benevolent actions in hope I reach a divine afterlife but rather see the possibilities and opportunities that I can do to help others to reach their satisfaction in life. After all, what real purpose do we have living on this Earth?

Spoiler

Please understand that these are my thoughts and opinions. The last thing I would want to do is offend anyone or put down anyone.