Side story: Criminally Credulous Cookery - Complete

[Orikanyo]

Ko Amatsu
Hideki Ukita
Hotaru Hagano​

The original sin, a cake that is said to be the bane of all mankind, so delicious, so sinfully decadent the mere scent of the cake is enough to drive a man into the throes of insanity. Many desire such a cake, but very few gain the luxury of having but a single taste, much less a mere glance of one of these diabolical epitaphs of the sin of gluttony.

Ko wanted this cake, beyond anything else in the world she wanted it, it was her new dream, her desire, she’d give up her whole warband just for a slice of that decadent pastry. Being the leader of the Kyodai, she had demanded on her most faithful right hand man to create this cake for her… But instead of bowing to her will… The man retorting with a thing most foul, horrid and merciless, the man put upon her a most terrible curse!

The curse… of being put on a diet!

Ko laid in her office, which honestly looked more like a throne room at this point, if a throne room had space for several empty kegs, three unconscious mercenaries stacked neatly in a messy pile and the woman pouting like a scorned child upon her seat. Specs had so far told all of her faithful men and women to disregard her demands for sweets, hell he even went so far as to get rid of them all a couple days before!

What kind of man does this to their favorite boss!? To a woman so beautiful as she!? This was blasphemy! Treason! A Mutiny! So mean!!! There had to be somebody, anybody who would help her in this time of need… she needed a champion! A hero! A hero to save the beautiful princess in her time of needing baked goods.

But who… who would stand up to the might of that bespectacled menace!!

Hotaru was experiencing something she hadn’t expected to encounter again for a long time.

She was bored. After escaping from the coliseum, most of the data Hotaru had expected to occupy her time with analysing had been destroyed by her own hand to prevent it being captured by the leaf, as had most of Daisuke’s medical equipment and test subjects. As for the man himself, he had been in a dark mood ever since then, after having the object of his hard work so close at hand only to be destroyed at the last second.

Consequently Hotaru found it expedient to make herself scarce, she’d taken to wondering the rest of the Yoake quarters, taking note of whoever she met and whatever she could safely stick her nose into. They were very interesting people, but didn’t usually have anything for her to do, being something of an outsider so Hotaru remained at loose ends.

Wandering down a hallway on one of her usual prowls, Hotaru found herself outside of Ko’s office and stopped. The boisterous and indomitable woman’s quarters were usually bustling with subordinates, either organizing the Kyodai’s business, or reveling in drunken excess or not uncommonly both at the same time. It was rare for it to be this quiet.

“Hello?” Hotaru said cautiously, poking her head around the doorway.

Perking up from her chair, sitting sidelong, Ko looked towards the new person entering the room with a somewhat defeated look on her face… Right up until she noticed who it was! It was Dai-dai’s little cute assistant! Oh how she wanted to just pick up that little darling and give her a big squeeze! But right now.. She didn’t feel like giving a big squeeze to anybody…

“Hotaru dear, whats brings you over here? If Daisuke wants to complain again he can try another time…” the normally boisterous woman slumped back upon her seat. “...Well? You can come in you know, not gonna bite too hard.”

“I’m not here on Daisuke’s behalf,” Hotaru, said entering the room with carefully disguised relief. For a moment there she had felt a powerful will directed at her, like the killing intent some shinobi were able to project but...warmer...hugging intent?

“You uh… look a little lethargic,” Hotaru said, as she entered the room and was able to take in Ko’s appearance, her tone shifting to one more clinical as her curiousity took over. “Pale clammy skin as well, all consistent with low blood sugar,”

Ko rose an eyebrow. “Low blood sugar!?” she suddenly sat up. How could SHE be anything less than healthy!? The might Ko Amatsu, feeling sick!? This had to be rectified immediately!! “Ah… all the sweets are gone though…” she spoke he thoughts out loud, hanging her head for a moment.. Before spotting a magazine she had been teasing her sweet tooth with earlier…

The original sin….

Hmm… Specs would never do it…

But… Perhaps he didn’t get to this little sweetie yet!!

“Hotaru~! My little cinnamon bun~! What would you say about doing a paid favor for your lovely Auntie Ko hmmmmm~?” a cat-like grin appeared upon her face as she addressed the young lady, looking like a cat who caught a mouse.

“Well there’s a lot of variables in there,” Hotaru said with a sweet, but wary smile. “What kind of payment? And for that matter, what kind of favor?”


Hideki gazed upon the small town he was coming up on in his small trip, the road had been a good long walk but he figured he may as well make usage of what little time he had before he was shipped off to work with whatever group they put together for missions.

Plus, he was on a personal mission, his final test for his newest jutsu… He figured it was about time he put his skill to work, it took some time, and some doing, and tiny bit of collateral damage, but he managed. Luckily, he wasn’t living with Takara anymore, so that hole in the wall went more or less unpunished.

At least until he got Mai to help out with it’s repair, lest a raccoon or something get through the hole and into his home… She owed him for nearly losing another tooth in their last spar, so it didn’t take much convincing.

He stared down on the town from atop of the hill the trail took him over, Okano, within this town was a library that is said to contain all the recipes for every dish known to man. Recently, there was an article about one of their most recent additions.

The original sin.

It was featured in a magazine they publish, but the recipes which is usually contained in the magazine article, was missing. He was not one to back down, as he had come to be a dab hand at creating chocolate based goods for abit of time now, call it a hobby. Some had gardening, some had experiments.

Hideki? He had chocolate.

And working out, but still.

The young man kept up his pace into the township, keeping an eye out for the library he would need to procure the recipie in some way… Walking in and asking for it probably could work, but knowing his luck he’s likely going to end up being sent on an roundabout and arbitrary and likely cause him some sort of pain by the end of this.

Standing out front of the building the young man sighed pulling his hands out of his fur lined coat to get his magazine out again.. Bets have something to help him figure this out.. It looked like a really nice devil’s food cake, but… something… Just something.. Was different.. He couldn’t tell…

“Hmm hmm, not bad! You’ve grown into it pretty well!” the familiar voice came from behind Hideki. Hotaru was standing with one hand folded across her stomach, the other propping up her chin in as she regarded him with the appraising eye of an artist taking in their latest project.

Technically it wasn’t Hotaru herself so much as it was a moth clone. Her real body was several days travel away, safe and sound with the Yoake. Testing out this technique was the main reason Hotaru had agreed to take this mission. Although she couldn’t deny that it appealed to her sweet tooth as well.

That voice… that coy teasing tone… he didn’t imagine he’d be seeing her again. The young man slowly turned around to stare at her for a moment. As a konoha ninja, he should do whatever he can to either subdue or kill this young woman… But for today, during his momentary vacation, he wasn’t about to get to work.

Plus it was Hotaru.

His favorite little entomophiliac.

“Been awhile Hotaru, When I heard you left I barely expected to see you again. Glad to see I was wrong.” the young man chuckled abit, but was still unsure of why she was here… “Don’t tell me I’m on a list, it’d suck to fight a good friend you know.”

“If it makes you feel better, it wouldn’t do you any good to fight me right now,” said Hotaru brightly, then without warning her form broke apart into a cloud of moths, that circled around and then clustered together to reform a clone.

“I'm experimenting with a new technique,” Hotaru explained, after reforming. “My body is preeety far away so knocking me off here won’t do much more than depriving one of my bosses of the cake they’re craving,”

Hotaru shrugged. “As for me, I’m with the Yoake to pursue my own vision. I’m, not loyal enough to bother hunting down people whose company I enjoy for them. They’d have the sense to send someone else if you were a target I think."

“Huh, a moth clone…” hideki looked her over. “If it’s 1:1 with yourself, your still cute as a button, good to see.” he smirked with a chuckle. “I’m out here for something similar, one of my few days off so I’m trying to test my hands out on a new recipe.” he folded his hands behind his head, leaning back a bit as he kept his eyes on her.

“Ever heard of the original sin cake?”

“Oh you,” Hotaru said playfully, punching his shoulder lightly. “As it happens, I have. One of my new acquaintances is dying to try exactly that cake which is why I’m here at all. As a scientist I naturally don’t believe in fate, but I do know an opportunity when I see one,”

“Heh, call me abit of a romantic for believing in it.” the young man laughed abit, wondering just how many moths exactly were contained in that body of hers… Would… Would she know?

….

It’s Hotaru, of course she knows.

“So, if I get what you’re saying… You’re proposing we work together on this huh? Well, my only goal is to actually make the cake, the cake itself is… Well… I’ve had my fill of eating chocolate, but it’s far too fun to not keep making it you know.” he took a moment to pace abit around his friend.

“...So.. side note… How many moths does it take to make that clone… Must be a few… Don’t tell me you were gonna bake with a moth clone, kinda unsanitary you think?”

“As little as 27, as many as 732 and 217 on this particular occasion.” Hotaru said and then took on a posture of mock indignation, her hand on her chest. “You should be very careful about calling a lady unsanitary Hideki, I would have thought you of all people would know that. In any case, as with any clone there’s a layer of more or less pure chakra surrounding the medium, which would be the moths in this case. Simply by dispersing and rematerialisation I can divest the clone of any dirt or even bacteria it might be carrying. I’m likely to be a fair bit cleaner than you yourself mister!”

“Hey it’s fair I ask.” the young man shrugged. “...Though still that's really cool…” he admitted, moth clones were cool. “Well, that said, the recipe should be inside the building here. After that we’ll need to gather ingredients… I’m not really certain what type of ingredients were in for beyond the standard devil’s food cake stuff, but… Well… You know these things go right?

No way this is gonna be easy.”


The library was an unassuming, wooden building, not even the largest in the sleepy little village. In fact it seemed too small to house the legendary collection of recipes said to reside there.

“Most of the texts will be housed underground, its easier to regulate the temperature and humidity that way, preserves the older documents better,” Hotaru explained her expression eager as the approached the building. “Ugh I can’t wait to get inside! Who knows what kind of juicy, culinary secrets they have in there?”

“Oh y’wont be gettin into th’libry today,” the voice, old and rustic came from the porch of one of the houses where an elderly man was relaxing in a rocking chair. “Whole building’s on lockdown. After some article on one of the recipes came out the chief librarian got to thinking thieves might come after it and kicked everyone out,”

Hideki scratched behind his head with a sigh “Figures nothing comes easy… Where is the librarian? Any way to contact them? We do need to see a recipe.” Hideki explained to the old guy who seemingly had an accent but then seemed to drop it after abit of speaking, frog in his throat?

Weird, he can’t remember the last time he's heard an accent… Its like there was only one way to speak… Like writing on a page…

“E’s locked ‘imself into yon’ office ‘hind th’library,” replied the old man, sensing Hideki’s suspicion and doubling down on his strange accent. “Won’t see nobody lessen they have a prior appointment though. On account of ‘is suspicion of thieves and suchlike,”

“Well he sounds great,” Hotaru cut in brightly. “Can’t wait to meet him, thank you so much for your help,” she said, taking Hideki by the elbow and leading him away. “I can’t believe that guy tried to lower our guard with a rural accent, he must have thought we were city slickers! Who did he think he was going to fool with such an obviously fake accent?” Hotaru sighed. “Anyway we should totally skip talking to this guy and break in,”

“Its kinda sad in a way… Does he think that accent makes him sound more wise or… Mysterious? But yea, we should, kinda way to damn convienient for this library to shut it’self down for one damn recipie…” the young man sighed, this really was becoming a bother.

But he had to put prideful stand to the test damn it!

“So, given the fact you said it, I think you have a plan already… Or atleast are formulating one… hell at this point i’m expecting this old guy to be the librarian….” The young man eyed the man for a second, looking very suspicious of the man…

“Mmm I was just gonna dematerialize and find a gap my mothes can fit in through,” Hotaru said. ‘The place needs to be temperature controlled so there’s bound to be a vent or something. We’ll split up and meet back up inside!”

Hideki nodded and rounded a corner, eyeing the area around him he dug his way into the ground, leaving Hotaru to tend to her own entrance.


The inside of the library was spotless of dust, at least before Hideki had made a hole in the floorboards, which he covered up with the conveniently sized pot of a nearby plant. He took a moment to gaze around the inside from what he could see, rows and rows of books… Cooking with lizards, the survivalist’s cookbook, Romance, the kitchen and you… Heh he remembers reading that one.

And bothering Yuuki by reciting some of it’s super cheesy passages.

He now wondered where his lovely little moth friend was…

“Sorry their ventilation system ended up being a bit more complicated than I thought,” Hotaru said, moments after a cloud of moths coalesced next to Hideki. “I’m still getting used to performing more delicate maneuvers in cloud form but anyway-” Hotaru glanced looks like we’re in the right section at least, now we just need to figure out what this recipe is filed under? Did that article mention the title of an actual book?”

“Apparently it’s a small text, sinful delights, I know, stupid title, but that's what we’re after.” he noted as he looked over another set of books. “It’s either on display or put in alphabetical order…” he stated with apt interest. “...yea know… We’re kinda proving the librarian’s paranoia right here…”

“Hey we’re not gonna steal anything, we can just copy down the recipe and leave the book as we left it,” Hotaru said indignantly, moving over to the S section. “Libraries are for the dissemination of knowledge, not to keep stuff locked up like a vault. He’s the one who’s forgotten the true nature of his calli- oh is this it? Sinful Delights- hmm,”

Sure enough Hotaru was pointing out a small, black book, occult symbols and pictures of desserts embossed on its cover. The book looked old so before picking it up Hotaru put on a pair of velvet gloves she had borrowed from the first floor.

“Let me see… Eldritch Eclairs… Tiramisu of terror...What’s terrifying about- nevermind here we go, ‘The Orginal Sin’! Lemme see...”

Hotaru scanned quickly through the recipe.

“Most of this stuff is about what you’d expect… Flour, eggs, lots of sugar and butter.. It does specify that everything should be high quality… Wait, three of these sound a little tricky; ‘gold cocoa from the land of cocoa, extract from the vanilla orchids of land of jungles and mayonnaise from the Mount Hohoku monastery…”

Hideki shivered at the sound of the word mayonnaise. “Ugh… hate that crap… I get why people like it but… Mayo just kinda sucks…” the young man sighed, if the recipe called for it, it called for it. Didn’t mean he had to like it…

“We can get most high quality stuff from… Here I guess, town is known for it’s quality ingredients but that cocoa and mayo.” He shuddered “will be tricky… But it seems we have abit of a trip ahead of us..” He sized up Hotaru and smirked.

“Up for a trip? Last time went pretty well, though I doubt we’ll be breaking into a slavery ring again this time.”

“We’ve come this far haven’t we?” Hotaru said with a wink. “There’s no way I’m backing out before I get a taste of this thing!”

 

[Orikanyo]

The great Cocoa Caper.​

Hotaru stood at the bow of a modest, wooden ferry as it chugged towards an island ahead. The island was expansive, but not very tall so by the time it crested the horizon it was very closely. Densely forested, from the sea the only visible sign of civilisation were a few huts on stilts and simple wharf made of bamboo.

“There it is,” Hotaru said to Hideki, who could only be so far away on the small boat. “The land of cocoa. A unique confluence of tidal currents influences the climate here, making it the only place in the region suitable for cultivating cocoa on a wide scale. The animals and other plants are also very unique, it’s a true enclave of biodiversity.” Hotaru sighed dreamily. “Oh if we had time to go bug hunting I could really round out my collection,”

Hideki was not fully listening, the sound of Hotaru’s explanation being drowned out by the endless bug spray that he was spraying upon each and every inch of his body drowned her out slightly, he wasn’t certain about the effects of bugspray on Hotaru’s insects but god damn after that first round with the mostquitos he didn’t want another.

Fucking lucky clone is made of moths cause he was damn well near eaten alive!!

“Maybe you can start you collection with all the damn bugs trying to eat me!” he grumbled, slapping his arm and killing one midge trying to get a cheeky nibble in.

“So we just gotta get in, get out- ARE THOSE MONKEYS!?” the boy nearly sailed off the edge of the boat with how fast he hit the side of it, upon the shore, eating from a collection of nuts it seems were, not monkeys, but Lemurs!

“Holy shit thats cool!”

Behind the two teenagers the boatman chuckled. “They always come up to greet visitors, they keep the insect numbers in the plantation down, so the locals consider them good luck and its customary to feed them nuts on your way in,”

“What a lovely tradition,” Hotaru said, craning her neck to get a better look at the wide eyed creatures. “I didn’t bring any nuts though,”

The boatman gave a subtle cough and when Hotaru turned around she noticed his cabin had a little wire basket, filled with small paper parcels. A sign above the basket said “Nuts, 50 ryo”

Hotaru tried not to roll her eyes. She had to respect that kind of hustle though.

The ryo was practically thrown at the man as Hideki took a bag of nuts, he wasn’t fully certain just how exactly he would get the nuts to them without spooking em but he figured he’d see it through by simply going ahead and opening the package and tossing a few gently towards them.

However, he did not expect the lemurs to come to him.

For with an impressive display of acrobatics five of the lemurs notice the bag of nuts being opened, leapt from their trees and landed upon the boat as if they had done this a thousand times already, which is likely considering they were already picking at the nuts.

To some this would elicit a bit of surprise, but the boy was too busy looking like he was over the moon at the moment.

For Hotaru’s part, she simply watched on indulgently, until she felt a piercing gaze on her and she spun around to regard another couple of lemurs peering at her hungrily. When not dining on nuts hand delivered by delighted tourists lemurs did feed on insects, Hotaru reasoned that they must be able to smell the moths inside of her. Formidable foes indeed.

“Don’t you try it bucko,” she said, glaring suspiciously at the largest lemur of the trio. “I’m not above adding lemur to my collection,” it wasn’t exactly killing intent, nevertheless Hotaru gave off an sinister, somehow clinical air and she smiled sweetly as the lemurs backed off nervously to grab what little Hideki had left.

Once they got off the boat, Hotaru and Hideki found themselves near one of the wooden huts, this one with a carved sign over the entrance that said “WELCOME” in invitingly wide letters. Despite its humble exterior, inside the hut was done up like a surprisingly modern reception room, with a coffee table and some comfortable chairs set up in one corner and a wooden desk bisecting the room, a women in her late twenties sat behind it writing something.

“Welcome to the Land of Cocoa,” she said with a professional, but warm smile. “Are you here to place an order? Or the tour?”

The young man returned the smile still looking pleased so far. “Hey, were here to actually place an order, see we’re looking to make a rather special cake and it requires high quality chocolate, so we thought it’d be best to come to the source.” the young man explained, figuring honest was the best policy here.

He doubt it’d be cheap but.. Still.

“Mmmhmm and how many tonnes will you be needing,” the women asked, her pen poised to jot down the figures as she looked attentively at HIdeki

The boy paused. “..T...Tonnes!? We’re not looking for that much.” he was taken aback, surely they could get smaller quantities… “Maybe a few pounds but not a ton.”

It was the women’s turn to look surprised and she blinked slowly. “We fill industrial sized orders for clients like manufacturers or high end retail chains. We don’t really sell a few pounds at a time…”

“What my partner means-” Hotaru cut in hurriedly. “Is that we were hoping to acquire a small sample to test the product before we place a very substantial order on behalf of our employer.”

“I’m not authorized to give out samples,” said the women, her brow furrowing.

“Completely understandable,” Hotaru said, holding her hands up and smiling reassuringly. “Then maybe this tour you mentioned would be the next best thing? I’m sure if we got an up close look at your facilities any concerns we have about the quality of the end product could be answered handily,”

“Yes of course,” said the woman, clearly relieved that the protocol she had been trained for was reasserting itself. “Well then right this way,” she said, getting up for her seat and gesturing for the two to follow her into the back as Hotaru winked at Hideki behind her back.

Sometimes the young man forgot how smart hotaru was, seeing ehr talk her way through this made him feel.. Odd… A mixture of respect and… and.. Odd feeling like you’ve finally returned to see an old friend. He missed her, that was true.. But he had been so busy he didn’t have time to really chew on that thought…

Best he focus on the tour and not his cute friend.

“Up until a generation or so ago, the plantations were all independant and much smaller,” their tour guide started to explain, as she lead them along a small path between two fields of cocoa trees. “It was the current Daimyo who consolidated cocoa production under his direct control, investing in modern facilities and allowing the land to bargain from a position of strength with overseas buyers. Now that all refinement and processing is down here, The land of Cocoa can ship a premium grade, high end product to its business partners,”

“Fascinating,” Hotaru said, not mentioning how fascinating it was that the Daimyo had set himself up an ironclad monopoly. No wonder this stuff was so expensive, No they just had to figure out how to swipe some.

Behind the tour guide’s back Hotaru pulled out her notepad and, after scriblling on it hurriedly, held it up to Hideki.

distract her!

The boy looked at the notepad and nodded.

The young man walked up alongside the tourguide and began asking questions about the place, first about how exactly this cocoa was better than others, how the process was done, how it was working here, which then went down the line of gossip into just plain talking about the shit wages and how nobody seems to respect her and…

Well.. In truth she was thoroughly distracted as the young man egged her on to vent more and more, Hotaru was the farthest from her mind it seemed as they passed by a particularly large group of trees, giving a good area for Hotaru to disappear unnoticed.

While the Tour guide was fixated on Hideki, offering a rambling diatribe on the company’s stringent uniform policy, Hotaru wove a few handseals and produced an insect clone, who slipped away into the warehouse.

“That sounds awful,” the real Hotaru said with a sympathetic tone, catching up with Hideki on the other side of the tour guide “You know you should think about starting a union, collective bargaining is really the most effective tool for securing your rights as a worker…”

Hideki rose an eyebrow as Hotaru showed up again, but he figured she’d be using the clone again… Wait was she trying to incite some sorta revolution thing? Well shit why not. “Yea, don’t you think the fat cats up top owe you something for working this hard? I mean, it must be hell writing up all those orders, by tonnes even, shit that's not something a secretary or greeter does. Your doing the job of three people! Why aren’t you paid for it?”

This seemed to hit all the right buttons, as the woman began to shake with rage “YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT! That asshole is just milking this place for all it’s worth without giving us even a fair wage! And for all the work we do for this stupid stuff, I mean it’s just god damn chocolate! The “Golden quality” stuff may as well be just the same as any other crap… Actually it is better for cooking and stuff straight up, but STILL!!!!” her rant continued as another voice could be heard nearby from the cocoa fields.

‘Yea I can barely feed my family with how I’m working here!”

“I barely see mine! I barely get enough sleep before I’m just back to work again!”

The discord continued as the woman rallied her fellow coworkers together, more and more people coming forward to voice their discontent… As Hideki simply stands there unsure of the ramifications of what he and Hotaru incited.

“...uhh… Hotaru… Whats… the plan now?”

Before Hotaru could answer Hideki, a series of shouts and crashes echoed over to them from the warehouse.

“Weeee should probably check that out,” Hotaru said.


While Hotaru was exploring the benefits of a worker lead revolution with Hideki and the tourguide, her clone had infiltrated the warehouse where the processed cocoa powder was stored for shipping. She was looking, the clone knew, specifically for gold cocoa powder. The tour guide had mentioned some, handpicked beans were separated out and subjected to a more elaborate refinement process. While most of the Land’s product was shipped to factories and groceries, their gold line was only offered to high end restaurants and hotels probably to enhance the aura of exclusivity around the product and make it seem more valuable.

Suddenly the Hotaru clone snapped her fingers. The Hotel in Yuwaku Beach! They had definitely mentioned it on the room service menu now that she was thinking about it. True it would have been pretty tacky to swipe enough of those little packets to make a cake with, but it would have saved them some trouble now at least.

The clone was making good time through the warehouse, when suddenly behind here there was a crash then a cascade of noise as several crates were sent tumbling to the ground. Hotaru’s clone spun around as somewhere nearby guards and workers shouted to each other.

The clone narrowed her eyes. “You again,” she whispered with a hardened expression.


As Hotaru and Hideki entered the warehouse a scene of utter chaos was revealed to them. A shouting pack of security guards was rampaging down between two of the tall stacks of crated cocoa powder. Most of the guards were wielding long implements, nets or sometimes brooms because their targets were a pack of grey lemurs running along the tops of the stacks. THe lemurs had a target of their own, they were doggedly pursuing Hotaru’s clone, who was just managing to stay ahead of them.

“THE GOLD COCOA! IT’S IN THE LOCKED STOREROOM AT THE END OF THE WAREHOUSE” called the clone, before the ravenous horde of insectivores overtook her.

Hideki couldn’t help but stare in silent horror watching the lemurs pick apart a clone of his friend… it… was an odd feeling… being able to say he saw Hotaru eaten by rabid lemurs. It made him appreciate she was still with him in truth, but still.

Maybe lemurs weren’t that great.

“Alright Hotaru, lets head in!” the young man quickly wrapped an arm around Hotaru and brought her right close with one arm. “Hold on!’ and with a quick kneel down he tried to start subterranean voyage.. Only to hurt his hand. “Ah! Damn it just how deep is the floor. Ah, fuck it!” he hoisted Hotaru up with both arms princess style and just plain booked it through the stacked boxes, some lemurs did attempt to try and follow only to be caught by more attentive workers… who were also noticing a rather large commotion coming In from outside the area.

The revolution was spreading like wildfire.

But the two were well on their way to their goal!

“Oh my,” Hotaru said, plainly amused as Hideki hoisted her off her feet. As they approached the storeroom she took the opportunity to easily weave some handseals.

Water release: bombardier beetle spray

Hotaru suddenly released a jet of water from her mouth that splashed over the lock and began steadily dissolving it. “Give it a good kick,” she instructed Hideki.

“Lost one of yea today, ain’t loosen yea to another Lemur.” the young man did as she commanded the door slammed open with the fury of a thousand action movie scenes. He always wanted to kick a door open like this, one of those secret little wishes he had ever since he's seen it happen on the screen.

Thing is, most doors are sliding… So…

Letting his friend down he began to walk inside. “Hoo.. Will you smell that… Looks like its fresh to.” he examined the stroage area, the many boxes with their fancy labels littering the whole area. “Hmm.. Maybe just one bag..? Or maybe two? This is a good chance for some nice chocolate.” the young man noted as he was totally already starting to lott the pricey chocolate into his bag.

“Grab two, you always want more than you’ll need when you bake incase you mess up the first time,” Hotaru said, following his example and stuffing a box into her bag.

“BROTHERS AND SISTERS! THE LEMURS ARE RIGHT! WE MUST JOIN THEM IN GLORIOUS REVOLUTION!” Without warning the tour guide burst into the warehouse, surrounded by a small cadre of enthused plantation workers.

SMASH THE TYRANNY OF THE WEALTHY! SEIZE THE MEANS OF PRODUCTION” She yelled, and her allies raised their farm implements with a shot and charged the small group of security guards.

“Alright I think that’s our cue to leave,” Hotaru said, looking bemused. “Before things get any more out of hand,”

“You don’t need to tell me, lets go mastermind.” and without a second thought the duo disappeared like a thief in the night.

 

[Orikanyo]

Monk-ey Business
​

The winds howled and threatened to tear the duo apart as the traversed the icy mountainside, as if the very mountain itself were testing them with each step as they trudged through snow, wind and ice to reach their destination, the fabled Mount Hohoku monastery was their goal, for within would be the great treasure that they seek.

Hideki, wearing a large fur coat huffed with each step, the trip was taxing for him, but not as much as it would be for another considering his choice of team mate. He had grown used to the cold, you have to when you work with a literal ice queen. But something else was taking a toll upon his weary mind…

Something that was coming from somewhere close by…

“What I’m saying is that you won’t even taste the mayonnaise!” said Hotaru. Her tone was as bright and cheery as usual but tripled in volume to make herself heard over the wind and snow. In addition she had swapped out her usual jacket for a voluminous, furry cocoon of a coat that approximately tripled her size.

“It’s purely there for the texture and moisture! Think about it, mayonnaise is mostly egg which is in cake anyway! With something like devils food cake those are critical factors!”

“But you can still taste the mayo! I swear!” the young man fired back. “Sure it’s for the recipe but mayo always comes through, the taste is way too strong to just have around! It’s even worse on sandwiches! Why can’t we just use eggs anyways? High quality eggs should be good right?’ the young man protested, he would not be beaten on this matter!

“Like who the hell even thought mayo would be good anyways… Wait how do they even make mayo…? Why is there a monastery dedicated to it? Mayo monks..? The hell..”

“You will not! Baking powder would taste pretty bad in a sandwich but you can’t taste that in a cake can you? That’s about how much mayonnaise we’re going to be using, there’ll still be regular eggs in the recipe as well.” Hotaru fell silent as they rounded a crag and an imposing, traditional building set into the side of the mountain.

“Strictly speaking,” Hotaru continued, after keeping silent long enough to admire the the sight of the dark building set against the stark, wild beauty of the mountainside. “It’s not technically a monastery dedicated to mayonaise, it’s just a regular monastery that happens to make mayonnaise on the side. The terrain around here is so harsh that not much grows or lives here apart from hardy, mountain eagles. The monks ascend to the mountaintop as part of their spiritual training and developed a tradition of collecting eagle eggs on their way back and trading them to visitors for much needed supplies. Obviously it’s pretty hard to get eggs down a mountain side in one piece so the monks started making the eggs into a product that could be stored in durable, easier to handle containers; mayonnaise.

Hideki wasn’t buying it… but he could see why they would make it. “..I… I guess… What else would you do with so many eggs i suppose… But still! Why can’t we just use the eagle- Err.. the.. Trip down.. Shit… Ughhh…” the young man tried desperately to find a way around this as the building came fully into view, he could start to see a signstateing that this was indeed their destination… but how difficult would it be to get this.. Ugh… Mayo…

“Are the monks particularly hard to trade with?”

“Well that’s the catch,” Hotaru said somewhat hesitantly. She didn’t think Hideki was going to like this next part. “They don’t really trade with anyone except for a few trusted merchants and their mayonnaise is absurdly expensive BUT they have been known to give it freely to people they deem worthy. That is to say: people who pass their mayonnaise based trials,”

Hidkei stared at hotaru for a moment… disbelief filling his face. “...Why must the world do this to me..? Is it so bad that i don’t like mayo…?” hideki sighed as he begrudgingly continued forwards, looking about ready to just turn around and leave… Damn you mayo….

“I’m sure it won’t be that bad,” Hotaru lied reassuringly.

As the pair of shinobi closed in on the temple gates they were stopped by a figure ahead. He was every inch the classic monk, with his traditional, orange robes, shaved head and a thin but hardened frame.

“Travelers, why have you come?” he intoned, in a voice layered with ancient wisdom.

“We’re uh… here for the mayo?” Hotaru tried, hoping this wasn’t some kind of trick question.

“Then you must face three trials to prove your worth,” the monk continued. “First you will face the oil trial, demonstrating the strength needed to suspend the other ingredients within you. Next you will face the yolk trial, displaying a creamy, rich base of knowledge that adds body and texture to your being. Finally, you must overcome the vinegar trial by displaying the acidity and depth of flavor needed to fully round out both mayonnaise and mankind,”

ohhh boy Hotaru thought, glancing uneasily at Hideki. This was starting to sound like a lot, even to her.

“...For the cake…” Hideki seem to wither at the thought of dealing with these trials all himself… ugh… he just hoped the place didn’t smell of mayo all the way through…

The Monk lead Hotaru and Hideki into the temple proper, passing other monks working their way through taijutsu routines. Their form and techniques looked polished and Hotaru was glad they hadn’t had to try and take the mayo by force.

“The Oil trial is one of strength,” The monk explained, leading them into a courtyard whose main feature was simply a beautiful section of the natural rockface, contrasting perfectly with its smooth, even man made surroundings. “It takes strength and determination to mix the oil firmly enough to properly suspend the egg yolk within it: approach the task halfheartedly or give in to early and the mixture will only revert back to its seperated nature, as will Mankind revert back to a lowly and savage form without resolve and strength of character. You will demonstrate the necessary strength by climbing this rockface up to the platform at the top.” The monk explained, gesturing at a platform set into the rockface about two storeys up.

Internally Hotaru sighed with relief, her physical fitness wasn’t great for a shinobi, but even she would have no trouble with something like this. Then she noticed that there was another figure on top of the platform. The second monk threw a lever back and suddenly sluice gates opened up and a cascade of shimmering, golden oil poured down the rockface.

“Even your shinobi techniques will not trivialise this challenge,” said the monk and though his face was a mask of saintly neutrality, it seemed to Hotaru there was a subtle hint of smugness in his voice.

Hideki looked over to Hotaru with a raised eyebrow, sure the place smelled… well.. Like oil.. But.. Were they truly thinking no ninja tech could help them conquer this wall? “...So… You’re saying we can use our techniques? I.. guess… hrmm..” hideki sighed… kinda wanted to use em just to show off but… well…

“...Man all this oil is gonna get everywhere…” he sighed, takeing off his coat and folding it in a pile before finding a good place to start. “Climbing a oiled up rock wall… Can’t say it’s the worst training… Takara had us traverse a crystal maze a couple times, it reminds me of those game shows with the contestants rushing through trying to make it to the end before their knocked off by gravity or something huge pushing em.. Can’t remember what it’s called though… Things get a little crazy on that show…”

A monk nearby cough to hide words under his breath “Almost like somebody ripped this off of it.” before he got a glare to shut up and keep mixing.

“...Though Takara’s were crystal mazes… So… Lots more spikes..”

“Well I thought it was very creative,” said Hotaru sympathetically. Her chakra control was good enough that even the oil wasn’t enough to shake her grip too much and even though she wasn’t as strong as Hideki by a wide margin she was lighter than him by an even wider one, being mostly composed of chakra and moths at the moment.

“It WAS creative,” said the head monk defensively, who had taken the stairs up to meet them. “We don’t get TV reception up here so I have no idea what ‘game shows’ you’re talking about,” the old man coughed and composed himself. “In any case, you may have passed the first trial, but how will you fare with the next I wonder?”


“It’s this one right?” Hotaru asked innocently, picking up a speckled egg from a straw filled pallet, provoking an expression of disbelief from the head monk. The next trial took place, or had taken place, in a vast storeroom full of eggs, the task being to ascertain which would be the most suitable for making mayonnaise. “This one doesn’t have any dust on it, so I’m assuming you just added it recently and its fresh. You always want eggs to be as fresh as possible for most cooking, I think that’s more common sense then ‘the wisdom needed to select worthy ingredients’ though,”

She says this, as Hideki hold onto several boxes of eggs that were tossed aside in her search for this particular egg, he was happy that they succeeded but… he was certain if he moved even slightly the whole tray was going to come down.. And he was pretty certain these eggs were mostly bad…

Or at least going to be turned into that hellish mayo… Damn these men…


“WELL YOU MAY HAVE PASSED THE FIRST TWO TRIALS!” shouted the head monk. He had to shout in order to make himself heard over the howling wind, having lead Hotaru and Hideki up to the higher peaks of the mountain where the final trial was held. That being said, the monk seemed rather rattled by their easy surmounting of his beloved trials and his wild eyed demeanour gave Hotaru the impression he would be shouting even if they were indoors right now. “BUT THE VINEGAR CHALLENGE IS A DIFFERENT BEAST ALTOGETHER! OUT OF ONE HUNDRED PEOPLE WHO ATTEMPT IT ONLY ONE WILL SUCCEED AND SOME DON’T EVEN MAKE IT BACK ALIVE! IT’S NOT TOO LATE TO QUIT YOU KNOW? YOU CAN STILL LEAVE WITH YOUR MISERABLE LIVES IN TACT”

“Mmm, I think we’re good to go,” Hotaru said, glancing at Hideki with a wink.

“Can’t say i haven’t beaten worse odds, Pretty sure the swordsman scenario was 1 in a million…” the young man shrugged.

“Very well then,” The head monk said, narrowing his eyes as his manic demeanour was replaced with a cold and steely eyed reserve. The monk reached into the sleeves of his robes and pulled out two glass vials that he handed to Hotaru and Hideki.

“Oil, from your first trial,” he explained, before drawing out another ingredient. “Eggs, the one you selected and its sister,” he said, handing each of them an egg. “And finally, vinegar, which we produce ourselves by aging sake brought up with our other supplies,” with this the monk produced two more vials, handing one each to Hideki and Hotaru.

“The rules of the final challenge are simple, you must carry all three ingredients in your hands, that means no pockets, or bags: only your hands. WIthout losing or breaking any of them them you must cross that bridge and then return back here,” the head monk explained and pointed towards a rickety and precarious looking rope bridge that the howling wind was tossing about like a dog with a chewtoy.

“This trial will test your balance,” the monk continued ominously. “Balance is needed to determine the right proportions of acidity and creaminess to make the perfect mayonnaise. If you achieve balance and unlock the true wisdom of mayonnaise then you will be able to succeed,”

The young man looked at the three things in his hands, the bridge, Hotaru, and then the monk. The oil and vinegar were simple enough, but the egg was the one that was very easy to crack, positioned wrong it would crack against the vials and break, but it held wrong the vials would crack, espeacially if dropped..

He held the egg in one hand and the vials in another… getting across with just his legs was fine, he was a ninja, but… Hmmm….

He eyed the priest for a moment and held the egg in two fingers as he plucked the stopper on the vinegar and Oil. “Hey hotaru… got an idea for once.”

“Hmm, what are you thinking?” Hotaru asked distractedly, her hands were smaller than Hideki’s so it was tricky just to hang onto all three ingredients. Getting over the bridge might prove to be a hassle…

“We need to bring the ingredients across the bridge but..” he leaned over and whispered something in her ear before turning away from the monk. “He said the ingredients… nothing about the containers…” he began to mix the two liquids into the same vial, he eyed the egg but wasn’t certain to go ahead and mix it… What was he saying, he’s a goddamn ninja..

Holding the egg to the edge he made a small few taps to make a small crack, before slowly putting the egg and the yolk into the same vial, finishing with a quick push of his thumb to get the stopper in place.

“There we go.”

“Hideki that’s it!” Hotaru said excitedly, hurriedly copying him with her own ingredients. “Now that we’ve combined them, the motion of the bridge as we cross it will emulsify them, making mayonnaise!”

The journey over the bridge was slow and precarious, the wind tossing and turning them wildly. But with one hand free to grasp the railing and some chakra to plant their feet Hotaru and Hideki inevitably made it across to stand at the other peak. Just as they did so, the clouds around them peeled back, affording the pair a rather stunning view of the rolling countryside below, laid out like a map.

“Seeing all that, you can understand why someone would wanna live all the way up here,” Hotaru said, breathing softly. Then Hotaru frowned as something dark at their feet caught her attention, she crouched down and with a gloved hand wiped away the layer of snow partially covering what turned out to be an ancient looking stone plaque.

Strength.

Wisdom.

Balance.

Do not study these things in isolation, but mix them together generously to live a just life.

“You can almost see home… or at least the woods…” Hideki stared out into the wide expanse, the world looking so very tiny beneath them. “So much is happening down below… People are running about, working and living their lives…

It… Makes everything seem very… Small… So much life down below...” the young duo felt the icy wind upon their faces, gentle; for the moment at least, allowing them their time.

 

[AtlannianSpy]

The Best Chocolate is Always Bittersweet​

A loud creak filled the room and a crack of light entered, then expanded to illuminate a kitchen covered in a fine layer of dust.

“Ohhh there we go, right where Ko said it would be!” Hotaru exclaimed, then immediately started coughing. “We should probably dust before we actually try to use any of this stuff, but the Akai Kyoudai haven’t used this outpost in months so it should be perfectly safe,”

The young man coughed lightly after getting a bunch of dust in his face. “Damn, this place really has been left behind…” he examined the room before looking at Hotaru. “Ko? Shes the Kyodai leader… So I guess she would know about this place… What do you know about her?” He tried not to act so interested in the woman who claimed, while thoroughly drunk, to be his aunt… The young man started to clean while he was at it, a rag left behind suited their purposes, at least when wetted… Huh.. Working water faucets with clean water, weird.

“Not all that much, I mostly work for Daisuku not her,” Hotaru said, attacking the stove top and cupboards with a feather duster she had found. “She’s insanely strong, insanely aggressive...maybe just insane? Turns out she also has a pretty big sweet tooth, which is the whole reason I’m here,”

“Huh, I see.” Guess it ran in the family, the sweet tooth part at least. He was far from insane, he thought as he ignored the memory of that certain voice coming from a sword that shall remain forgotten because it keeps wanting for him to kill his friends “Rude.”

“Well, hopefully your getting something outta it, more than trust I guess…” he paused… The question building up inside him… Should he ask? Maybe he should leave it be rather than sully the only time he’s seen his friend in so very long… A friend he cared for, was incredibly intelligent and looked insanely cute waving around that duster on her tippy toes. “...So its been eating me up but… I feel I gotta ask this… Were alone out in the middle of nowhere, nobody in sight or earshot, god knows we staked this place out long enough to confirm that… But…” he cleared his throat and tried to come up with the right words.

“...Why… Did you… Leave? I mean… We’re officially enemies but… I can’t even imagine fighting you…”

Hotaru was silent for a moment and when she did speak her tone was still light as before but strained, as if she was having trouble maintaining it. “I mean...it’s not like I really want to fight you, or anyone from Konoha,” Hotaru said, continuing to dust. “It’s more like… there’s something I have to do, something probably only I can do… That sounds arrogant but it’s just kind of a matter of circumstance…”

Hideki watched her, he… Didn’t fully understand… But… It seems to be a very difficult situation…. “I see… Something that takes Konoha’s very own genius to do… Must be something big then…” he trailed off before sighing. “...Just want to let you know… I miss yea, thats all. And i’m happy to have found yea, I know this should be said around the whole goodbye part but… Hell, we’re in a hole in the ground, cleaning up a fucking kitchen to bake a cake we collected ingredients for through absolutely ludicrous means.

If this was a normal situation for anybody, I wouldn’t know what to believe…”

Hotaru suddenly turned around, her hands on her hips and a big grin on her face. “Geez, what are we getting all sentimental for? We’ve still got a cake to bake don’t we? Get that big bowel over there and start sifting the flour into it, let’s get started!”

The young man pursed his lips before shrugging setting to work as ordered, not the sentimental type he guessed.. Or maybe he was the only one thinking about it and this was just… How it was gonna be. “Alright. We’ll use the ingredients for yours, I’m gonna be saving mine for something. Nagisa has a party happening soon.” he mentioned off half, pouring the flour into the bowl and fishing out his copy of the recipe.

“Nagisa...Nagisa..Oh right! I remember her from the academy, she never said much… or anything, really,” Hotaru said thoughtfully, cracking some eggs and expertly separating out the yolk into a smaller bowel. “Still that sounds fun! I can’t believe everyone waited until after I left to start being sociable, the best I ever managed was wrangling my squad over for dinner once and of course that was the night of the invasion. We never even got to eat!” Hotaru worked in silence for a while after that then asked, more cautiously. “How are… the ones who were kidnapped? Mai? Aiko?.. Yukari?”

“Mai and Aiko are well, they managed to recover very well for what happened. Aiko is still a freezer though, doubt that’s gonna change.” The young man began speaking, his eyes slightly glazed from focusing… He didn’t look at Hotaru as he spoke next. “Yukari… I haven’t heard much from Yukari… Save that she was all but disowned… As if she wasn’t a Hyuuga any longer… I don’t know the full story, but it was bad enough before, now shes… Just….” He paused with a sigh… “...What am I doing…?” He took a step and began using handsigns, stone from around the area coalesced into humanoid arms. He crossed his over one another as he washed the new in the sink before getting to work.

“Forgot why I’m even out here… I guess that happens to the best of us.”

“I see…” Hotaru lapsed back into thoughtful silence again, carefully adding the egg whites into the mixture Hideki was stirring with his powerful, stone arms. “Hey do me a favor okay? Let’s make the make cake you take to the party now. As long as you seal it won’t go stale and… I want to say I helped with it,”

Hideki rose a eyebrow towards the girl, but smirked… she could try and poison it… it would be a smart move from an enemy’s standpoint… But… Well…

He trusted her.

And… He could poison hers as well, so both of them were vulnerable.

“Alright, lets do that then. Heh, I don’t think I should tell them who helped make it eh? Though… Probably qute a few of em miss yea… Shitt i’m getting soppy again.” The young man withdrew the mayo, frowning abit before opening it with practiced stone hands. “So, you a clone still?”

“Nope, when we split up after the monastery I sent my clone back and came in person,” Hotaru poked her tongue out at Hideki. “Some things you just can’t delegate ya know? And the way that jutsu works, I basically haven’t eaten in a couple of days, so I’m really looking forward to this,”

The young man reeled abit. “The hell, wait a sec.” He pulled out a water bottle and his sealed lunch with his own two hands. “Bento, and drink to, your not leaving here without a healthy lunch alright? Heh, homemade bento and giving it to someone… almost like we’re in the wierdest romcom ever…”

...He just knew Mai would say something about it being more like a harem anime… But she doesn’t matter right now.

“Geez I had like a saline drip and stuff, I’m not about to drop dead or anything,” Hotaru protested, taking the offered food anyway. “Not that that really matches up to a home cooked lunch though!”

Hotaru placed the bento down next to her mixing bowl and started picking at it with a pair of chopsticks while still mixing the batter with her other hand. “Pretty good Hideki!” Hotaru said, after chewing and swallowing a riceball. “You’re gonna make some girl very happy one day and it bodes pretty well for our collective enterprise I’d say,” It was actually the best food Hotaru had had in a long time now, the Yoake tended towards simple food that was easy to supply and their cooks definitely trended towards the more basic side of the culinary arts.

“Heh, here's hoping, glad I can make you happy for today though, I don’t often get to treat somebody to my own cooking.” the young man continued down the recipe, following the steps with large stone hands precise and working as quickly as he can.

“Hey, maybe next time we meet we can eat again, would be nice.”

“Yeah… it would be,” Hotaru said, smiling softly. “My schedule’s a little… wild at the moment, but I’ll try to make sure we meet up again, I can promise that much, maybe next time I’ll bring you lunch,” Hotaru looked at the recipe. “Looks like all that’s left is to put in the oven…”

“Sure it’s a date then.” the young man smiled before looking down to the oven and setting the cake to be inside. “In just a few this will be done. Lotta work just for one cake..” the young man tapped his fingers on the counter as he set temperature with the other. “...We got nothing but time now..” he felt… Really awkward standing there.. Like he should say what's on his mind… But… Would that be wong…?

“...You said there's something only you can do, but are you certain? Is there any way I can help you?”

“For now… take a message back to Konoha, do you remember my aunt? She was our proctor during the exam. Just tell her ‘We’re looking for a pair of gloves hidden under a rock,’” Hotaru said, after thinking about it for a tense, few seconds.

Hideki stared at her for a moment, he didn’t get it at first, but given he was asked to deliver the message, the one receiving it may know better than him. “I understand, i’ll get it to her as quickly as I can…

...When the cake is done at least.” He smirked abit, before leaning on the counter. “Anything else you want me to tell her? That you’ve grown a bit taller? Still cute as can be?” He chuckled a bit, using a stone finger to scratch his cheek leaving a small mark of chocolate.

“Nah she’ll be able to guess all that,” Hotaru said with a wink, dabbing at Hideki’s cheek with the corner of a tea towel. “Just make sure she’s taking care of Dad’s grave,” With nothing else to do while the oven filled their kitchen with the delicious aroma of chocolate, Hotaru busied herself with cleaning up the dishes and surfaces, she didn’t expect anyone to come back here, but if they did it would be best there was no evidence they had been here. Finally the cake was out and cooling on a wire rack, a perfect cylinder, of rich, dark confection.

“Beautiful, maybe we should become chefs rather than this ninja business.” the young man admired their creation as he readied his seal. “So… I suppose this… Is where we soon part ways. You got yours to make to right?” The young man sniffed the cake’s aroma… Not a hint of Mayo, looks like she was right.

Not that it changes anything, mayo still sucks.

“I could see myself doing something like that, somewhere bold and avant garde,” Hotaru said, grinning. “I feel like we would have trouble deciding on a join menu though… You’re right though, this is where we part ways. Take care of yourself Hideki,”

“Hey, nothing wrong with a experimental menu alongside a normal one for folks with.. Less adventurous tastes.” The young man smiled sadly, and in the end nodded. “You to Hotaru… Until next time alright? Stay safe and don’t get yourself hurt… And eat your lunches next time, and drink plenty of water.” the young man started to put on the guise of a concerned mother hen before they began to split up.

Who knows what might happen in the future.




With that the two shinobi went their separate ways, cakes safely sealed away. Hideki returned to the leaf, while Hotaru made her way back to the Akai Kyoudai’s current headquarters, where an eager Ko Amatsu accosted her like a ravenous, wild animal and relieved her of the precious cargo. But as Hotaru was describing the recipe to her it transpired that Ko was deathly allergic to mayonnaise and the fabled Original Sin cake would be inedible for her.

Ko seemed prepared to take her chances anyway, but Junnichi, as strict as ever, swooped in and confiscated the cake, to be divided up among some nearby subordinates. While Ko moped inconsolably and her lackey’s devoured the cake like a pack of hyenas, Hotaru simply watched them with a small, private smile; thinking of a different cake with a very different destination.