Journal Sadness/venting I guess?

[Hailey]

It's like there's this massive hole in my chest, I feel really alone and I just wish things could be different but they can't and it hurts a lot

 

[Hailey]

Everything hurts and I don't know how to make it stop...

 

[Hailey]

It hurts so bad...and I don't have anybody... And I'm so scared...

 

[Gaotau]

What's wrong? If you need someone to listen, I'm here. You can PM me or speak here!

 

[Hailey]

My heart just hurts really bad, and it won't stop, it won't go away, and every time I think things might be okay it's like he finds a way to sneak into my mind and I'm curled up fighting for breath all over again

 

[Eye of Nowhere]

Why are you afraid of being alone?

 

[Hailey]

I'm not scared of being alone so much as I'm terrified of the thoughts that occur when my brain wanders

 

[Eye of Nowhere]

What is the actual problem behind the bad thoughts?

 

[Hailey]

Years of abuse and mental illness leading to a shit ton of issues?

 

[Eye of Nowhere]

Did your situation improve over time? If so, focussing on the positive changes might help you in the bad times. It's always better to look ahead instead of revisiting the past. It cannot be changed, either way. The future, however, is adaptable.

 

[Gaotau]

I have a very chaotic mind. I'm very controlled and I keep such thoughts under secure lock-and-key, mind you, but my mind, when I allow it, does venture into very strange depths. I believe this is normal. I think it was Stephen King who once wrote a short story was meant to convey this truth: everyone has a place in their mind that they never share with anyone. This is exactly why the horror-movie genre exists in the first place. The point is to keep it all contained in a healthy fashion.

It's okay to venture into that part of your mind, so long as you keep it within logical and safe parameters.

In terms of emotional abuse, I'm still suffering from many things that happened to me many years ago. You will have side-effects that you won't realize you even have until years down the road, but that's just what comes with the abuse. If you're in such a relationship right now, I would advise speaking to the person and telling them what they're doing to you. Sometimes, people don't even realize they're hurting others. When you tell them, the abuse could stop. If it doesn't, you should end the relationship.

My ex was horrible to me and treated me like crap constantly. When I finally left her after two years (I fell for her pretty bad), I found another girl who was wonderful, kind, and everything I could ever hope for. She is now my wife. You never know what the future holds. Don't be too down.