[Rough Draft]The Gaze

[Elegy]

x

 

[Tom-Pen]

To refrain from the pretentious, overtly in depth, and ridiculously too long review and critique that we writers so often feel the necessity to give, I will say only this. I liked it, for its simplicity, its length, and its thought provoking quality; a well written piece that I enjoyed reading.


Good luck with the contest!

 

[Elegy]

Thank you, I have my hopes high for this one. Any suggestions you feel the story needs?

 

[Tom-Pen]

I can not suggest any actual change, that is something you as the author must take upon yourself, otherwise it stops being yours and becomes a collective attempt at what we might call, "Good Literature." I can tell you what I got out of your writing, and then you can see if that is what you want your readers to get out of it. I thought the part that describes the dust coming out of the painting was very dramatic, and unrealistic. That is not a negative comment, I just don't know if that is was how you intended it to be. When I read it I had the image of a finger size hole on the painting quite literally "spewing" and "gushing" dust from itself like a water spout might spew water.

 

[Elegy]

By change of course, I mean ways to alter my writing to further enhance my points and not to directly alter them. I may have overdone the description on it, I attempted to heavily emphasize the destruction of the portrait and thus give more symbolic emphasis to the destruction of "god" in a sense. Hence why the small touch completely demolished the portrait, which would not be all that realistic but it does give off surreal imagery which I did not intend but kept because it seemed alright.