Story My Celtic Spear-Wielding Demigoddess Can't Possibly Be This Cute and Tomboyish!!

[capMARVELOUS]

“Heee~y, Puppy-kun, want some candy?”

My new classmate is Cu Chulainn.

How do I know this? There are a lot of things that could have given it away.

It could be the Celtic weave tattoo she shamelessly flouts the school dress code to show off. It could be the shiny blonde hair and red eyes that make her appear as dazzling as a Child of Light should. It could even be the two-meter-long barbed spear she keeps propped against her shoulder at all times.

Any of those things could have been the defining clue to her identity.

But any speculation they may have invited at first was thrown away the second she walked into our classroom and introduced herself by saying, “Yo, I’m Cu Chulainn.”

And now this very same Cu Chulainn is sitting at the desk next to mine, offering me a piece of candy with a wolfish grin on her face.

Notice how I’ve been saying “she” and “her” this whole time. That’s not an error.

For whatever reason, Cu Chulainn, the legendary hero of Ulster, has reincarnated in the present day not only as a high-school delinquent, not only as my new classmate…

But as a girl, too.

“My Celtic Spear-Wielding Demigoddess Can’t Possibly Be This Cute and Tomboyish!!”
[ ケルトの槍使いの半女神がこんなに可愛くてお転婆なはずがない!! ]
a brand-new high-school rom-com light novel from acclaimed* author Tatami Enjo aka capMARVELOUS
*source needed​

 

[capMARVELOUS]

Chapter ONE
(Part ONE of THREE)​

My name is Iiko Shimada. I’m a second-year student at Fukuju High School.

I’ve been told my name means “good dog.” The truth is, that’s a pretty accurate description of how I try to live my life.

I’ve always done what others ask of me without complaining and avoided drawing unnecessary attention to myself, cultivating an image of a reliable, obedient person. I know such an image will be a big help for me once I graduate; companies are always looking for reliable, obedient people to work for them. As long as the occasional word of praise gets thrown my way, I’m happy to keep my head down, say “Yes, sir” and “Yes, ma’am,” and do my best at the task I’ve been given.

But as well as it’s worked out for me so far, it isn’t always sunshine and rainbows.

Because I’m so passive and nondescript, I’ve earned a reputation as something of a doormat. My classmates like to tease me by telling me to roll over or play dead, or by messing with my things or my hair in an effort to rile me up. But reliable, obedient people don’t assert themselves like that, so I just sit there and take it.

Unbeknownst to me, my days of not standing out or standing up for myself are about to come to an abrupt conclusion.


Fukuju High School isn’t that far from where I live, so I walk there every morning. On Mondays like today, my mom usually walks with me. She claims she does it to get just a little extra exercise in, but Dad and I both know she really does it because she gets lonely once the weekend ends, and she wants to spend as much time with us as possible before work and school claim us for the week. Today, though, Mom had a bad headache and wanted to stay in bed, so I walked alone.

The feeling of being alone in a scenario where you’re usually with somebody else is hard to describe. It’s the kind of feeling that makes you want to pay close attention to where you are and where you’re stepping, even if you know the route by heart. You get it in your head that something unfortunate is going to happen precisely because you’re alone and nobody else is there to help you out of it.

Nothing unfortunate happened this time, thank goodness, but I can’t say I arrive at school entirely at ease. The air still feels just a little too thick, and the hairs on my arms and the back of my neck haven’t gone back down.

“Hey, Shimada!” I look up from my sneakers to see somebody calling for me by the front gate, and the weight of my dread gets just a little heavier.

Takuma Osuwari isn’t exactly a nice guy, but he’s the only person in my class who regularly talks to me on his own initiative, so I guess he’s the closest thing I have to a friend right now. He smiles and waves as I approach, but I know I’m not the person he’s hoping to see. As he glances down the street in the direction I came from, the smile starts to slip from his face.

“Sorry, Osuwari, but it’s just me today,” I say. “Mom’s calling in sick.”

“Ah, so you managed to walk all the way here without your Monday morning leash? Didn’t take you for the kind of guy to break routine like that.” He ruffles my hair roughly- my hair that I spent ten minutes trying to comb the bedhead out of- and then sighs. “Still, it’s a real shame. I wanted to see which tracksuit she’d be wearing today. I was hoping it’d be the blue one.”

Osuwari also has a crush on my mom. It’s really weird. At first, I thought he was only pretending so he could get me to react, but at this point, it’s lasted far too long for it to be just pretend. I haven’t said anything about it to him yet, in the hope that he’ll wise up and grow out of it himself. Needless to say, that hope hasn’t paid off, and I’m starting to think it never will. His teenage hormones must simply be too powerful.

“Aaanyway.” I’m desperate to steer the conversation away from Mom’s tracksuit collection. “We’re starting a new unit in history today. Did you remember to bring your book?”

At this, Osuwari completely drops his smile. “And what if I didn’t? What would you do if I didn’t?”

I feel beads of sweat start to form on my forehead; one of them runs down my cheek. “I-i-if you didn’t, then I’d offer to let you use mine, obviously,” I stammer.

“Is that so? Alright, if you’re offering.” He turns to me and holds out his hand. “Give.”

It’s just like a master issuing a command to his dog.

“R-right.” Even though it’ll mean that I’ll be the one in trouble for not having a book, I just can’t refuse Osuwari when he gets like this. My hand dips into my backpack almost on its own and withdraws my pristine red history textbook. When he takes it, my arm feels heavier than it did while holding it.

“Great. Thanks, Shimada.” He throws his arm around my shoulders and pulls me in for a rough hug, knocking my glasses askew. “Without a guy like you around, I don’t think I’d ever be able to function.”

All I can do is keep smiling meekly while following him up to our classroom, dragging my feet the whole way.

This isn’t the first time an incident like this has occurred between us. The additional unease I felt upon seeing him has vanished now that it’s over, but the pit in my stomach still hasn’t filled back up, so this can’t be the unfortunate event I was bracing myself for on the way over. If not this, then what could it be? Could it even be anything?

Our classroom is on the school’s second floor. The air inside is filled with the happy chatter of students catching up with one another, sharing stories of their weekend adventures. As usual, none of them turn to watch me as I enter. That’s a good sign. It means nobody has any extra favors for me, to distract me from getting ready for the day.

I sit down at my desk- one row away from the window- and take a deep breath to calm myself down. Maybe I’m just being paranoid, I tell myself. Maybe Osuwari was the only thing the morning had in store for me, and this weird feeling is nothing more than me being unused to an anomaly in my Monday routine.

The others take their seats as our teacher, Sasayaki-sensei, enters shortly after. He’s forgotten to shave or button his shirt collar all the way again, and it looks like he hasn’t had a haircut in a while either. His playfully disheveled appearance and easygoing attitude compared to the other faculty have endeared him to the entire second year. When I become a third-year, I’m going to miss him.

“Good morning, everybody,” he says while unpacking his briefcase. “I trust you all had a peaceful weekend, maybe caught up on some rest?” A wave of murmured assent ripples through the classroom. “Good. Because I have a feeling that all the extra energy you’ve saved will come in handy this week. Lots of exciting things lie ahead for us, starting with…”

He squints at the newest piece of paper in his hand and scratches his stubbly chin. “Oh, yes! Starting with a new student! That’s right. We have a new student joining us today, so let’s all try to make a good first impression.”

This time, the murmurs are edged with excitement. It’s been a while since we’ve gotten a new classmate, and this is an unusual time of year for one to join. Everybody shares their speculations on what they could be like with their desk neighbors.

I try to get excited with them, but something I can’t name stops me just shy. Then I realize that I can name it, I just don’t want to- what stops me is the same discomfort I’ve been feeling all morning. Could this be it?

Sasayaki-sensei turns to the still-open door and calls through it, “Please, come in and introduce yourself.”

Our new classmate obeys.

Oh.

Against my will, another bead of sweat vanishes under my own collar.

This is it, I tell myself.

This is the unfortunate event.

The girl who enters is in flagrant violation of every aspect of the school’s dress code. Hair isn’t allowed to be dyed unusual colors, but the vibrant blonde color of her unruly, wavy mane makes her look almost like she dunked her head in yellow paint. Her uniform shirt is tied up in the front, giving everybody a view of her toned athlete’s body and the intricate red Celtic weave tattoo marching up her left side. Her ears and fingers are adorned with elaborate jewelry, and she must be wearing colored contacts too, unless the overhead lights are making her irises look red.

But the most striking piece of her ensemble is the enormous hunting spear she shoulders like a soldier’s rifle. The thing is at least two meters long- longer than she is tall; it bumps against the upper doorframe as she enters- pitch black and etched all over with the same red Celtic weave pattern. Three wicked-looking barbs sprout from either side of the bladed head’s base, for a total of seven points. How the school let that thing pass through the front gate, much less the halls, is anybody’s guess.

As she comes to a stop in front of the blackboard, the classroom becomes so quiet I’m sure everybody can hear my heart hammering against my ribs. Up in the front row, the class rep visibly tenses up. Everybody seems to sit on pins and needles, waiting with a mixture of curiosity and confusion for her to say something…

“Yo,” she says, raising her hand in a nonchalant wave. She speaks with a loud, confident drawl. “I’m Cu Chulainn. I just transferred from Dun Scaith High School overseas. I like eating grilled fish and running track. Uh, I’m looking forward to the time we’ll be spending together. That’s all.”

More silence.

My first instinct is to wonder if this is somebody’s idea of a bad joke. Did this girl seriously try to claim she was Cu Chulainn? The same Cu Chulainn from Celtic myth? But that’s all he is- a figure from legend. If he ever was a real person, he’d have lived hundreds if not thousands of years ago; there’s no way he could still be alive today.

More to the point, Cu Chulainn is a “he.” A man.

Something that this girl is clearly not.

Then something happens that forces me to consider that maybe this isn’t a joke after all.

Because it’s still so quiet, everybody can hear Osuwari whisper to his desk neighbor, “Hey, she’s got a nice body, don’t you think? I’d like to see her in one of Mrs. Shimada’s tracksuits.” He meets the gazes that have been turned on him with an unapologetic smirk. But before anybody can open their mouths to reproach him for his comment-

The spear suddenly sprouts from his desk.

It happens in the twinkling of an eye. One moment it’s still in its owner’s grasp, the very next it’s buried almost to the barbs in plywood and plastic. The only indication that it was thrown is the new position of the girl’s arm, hanging loosely by her side instead of wrapped easily around the weapon’s shaft.

Osuwari and everybody within a one-desk radius of him fall out of their chairs and let out strangled cries of surprise and fear. Even though I’m on the entire other side of the room, I lean away and cower behind my backpack out of instinct. The students on the floor eagerly scoot out of the girl’s way as she approaches to retrieve the spear. When she dislodges it from the desk, it comes as smoothly as a hot knife out of butter, eliciting an additional round of surprised gasps.

Her lip curls in disgust as she looks down her nose at Osuwari. “I take back what I said,” she says, all laziness gone from her voice. “I’m not looking forward to spending any time together with you.”

He can only respond with a teeth-bared scowl.

“Uh… Ms. Chulainn?” Sasayaki-sensei says. “I, uh, I’m very sorry about Osuwari’s rudeness. I’ll make sure he apologizes to you himself too, but until then, uh, we’re about to start class, so… Why don’t you take that empty desk by the window? Next to Shimada.”

Now all eyes are on me.

Thank goodness my backpack is covering most of my face; I don’t want anybody to see how flushed it is.

When I finally work up the courage to show myself, I find that she’s obeyed again. The girl is now sitting at the desk to my left; her spear is back to nestling in the crook of her elbow. The morning light shining through the window reflects off her hair and makes it look as if it’s on fire. As she watches me- her head tilted to one side, a thoughtful expression on her face- I realize that no, those aren’t colored contacts, her irises are naturally red. Is this what it feels like for prey to be stared down by a predator?

“Sorry about that,” she says. She rummages in her backpack and offers me a piece of chewy candy. “I was only trying to scare him, but I guess I rattled you pretty good too. Are you okay?”

“Uh… y-y-yeah. Thank you,” I manage to get out. I accept the candy, hoping she doesn’t see how badly my hands are shaking, but hesitate before opening it. I start to ask, “Are-” and it comes out as an embarrassing squeak. She smirks at the sound, but not maliciously. Clearing my throat, I try again. “Are you… are you really Cu Chulainn?”

“Hm? Of course I am. I wouldn’t lie to you.”

She says it with such conviction that, combined with the prowess she just displayed, I have no choice but to believe her.

“What about you?” she continues. “What’s your name?”

“Uh… Shimada. I-Iiko Shimada. It’s nice to-”

Before I can finish, she starts laughing. She snorts when she laughs; it’s a surprisingly adorable sound from such an intimidating figure. “No way! Seriously? Iiko? Like ‘good dog?’ That’s so cute!”

My face and ears grow so hot it’s a wonder steam doesn’t start rolling off of them.

“Except… that’s not really accurate, is it? Looking at you right now, you seem more like a scared puppy than a good dog. Hmmm…” She readopts her thoughtful expression for a few moments, then when she seems to come to a conclusion, flashes me a full smile. Her teeth are pointed like a shark’s. Yes, this is definitely what prey feels like. “Yeah, I think I like that better. Alright, I’ve decided. I’m not going to call you Shimada or Iiko or anything like that.

“From now on, your name is Puppy-kun.”

She reaches out her hand toward my head and I shut my eyes tight. She hasn’t even been here for ten minutes, and she’s already figured out that it’s okay to ruffle my hair-

But she doesn’t do that.

Instead, she cups my ear and starts scratching gently behind it with one finger.

The sensation surprises me into opening my eyes again. The girl- no, I guess I should start calling her Cu Chulainn now- is still smiling at me teasingly, but there’s a new gentleness around the edges now that I’ve never seen in my other classmates. It reminds me of…

It’s just like a master rewarding her dog.

“Be sure to take good care of me, okay~?”


And so begin my high-school adventures with Cu Chulainn, my tomboy classmate.

 

[capMARVELOUS]

Chapter ONE
(Part TWO of THREE)​

Even though things have calmed down, morning classes are still noticeably tenser than usual. The classroom is like a bare live-wire, simmering with built-up energy just waiting to be released because of one careless action.

Students keep sneaking nervous peeks at Cu Chulainn and her spear. Not that it’s a contest, but if they think they’re nervous about it, imagine how I must feel sitting next to the thing. Thank goodness that she keeps a consistent grip on it, else it might tip over and stab me through the brain.

Fortunately, Cu Chulainn doesn’t seem interested in causing any more distress. She doesn’t seem interested in much right now, actually. Instead of listening to the lectures, she scribbles absently on stray paper and occasionally dives into her backpack for more candy; not once does her hand come up clutching a textbook. I wonder if she’s not listening because she doesn’t have any, and for some reason, the thought of letting her use mine doesn’t seem so bad.

Of course, that would require me having textbooks to let her use. When history period comes, I have to content myself with simply copying the sparse notes Sasayaki-sensei puts on the board. Osuwari gives me a smug thumbs-up from across the room.

The lunch bell rings with no further incident. By this time, my collar is drenched. Everybody seems more enthusiastic about vacating the classroom than usual, and I can’t say I blame them. Before I can add myself to their number, though, Sasayaki-sensei calls me over. “Oh, Shimada, Ms. Chulainn. Could I see you for a moment before you go?”

Is he going to scold me in front of her for not having my book? As if I need to give her another reason to think I’m pathetic. Wait, why am I suddenly caring so much about what she thinks of me? My head feels like a freshly shaken snowglobe as I approach, contradictory thoughts whirling around, blurring together. I open my mouth to apologize, but before a sound comes out-

“Hey, Teach, I’m sorry I stabbed that guy’s desk this morning,” Cu Chulainn says while sauntering over to stand next to me. “If you want, I’ll help pay to have it replaced.”

Sasayaki-sensei seems taken aback for a moment, then nods. “That’s very grown-up of you to offer. Yes, I think that will be an appropriate consequence.”

“I just can’t stand rude guys like him, you know? Commenting on a girl’s looks while staring like that… how disgusting! It’s enough to make my throwing arm itch.” She taps the blunt end of her spear loudly against the tile, which cracks slightly under the impact.

“Yes, well, like I said, I’ll make sure Osuwari apologizes to you himself. But that’s actually not what I wanted to see you about. Have you been shown around the school yet?”

“Hm? No, I haven’t.”

“In that case, Shimada, would you be the one to do that?”

The built-up energy still lingering in the classroom leaps up through the floor to the tips of my toes, spreads through my whole body, and shatters the snowglobe that is my head. Is he really asking me to do this, even after my shameful displays from just making small talk with her? Anybody else is more qualified for this task than I am- even Osuwari, and he’s made her hate him just by being himself.

My biological incapability of refusing a request aside, I can’t form a single coherent phrase of protest. The only thing that manages to escape my open mouth is another squeaky stammer. “M-m-me?!”

“Well, why not you?” Sasayaki-sensei asks as if it’s the most reasonable thing in the world. “It just seemed like you two were getting along well back there.”

“Yeah, why not you?” Cu Chulainn grabs me by the shoulder and jostles me to-and-fro cheerfully. “C’mooo~n, Puppy-kun! Lunch break only lasts so long, and I wanna find the perfect spot for us to eat together, so hurry up and give me the grand tour already!” Then, in a mock-pouty voice, she adds, “If you don’t, I’ll be so sad…”

I think I’d prefer just being scolded about the book. This has to go against statutes forbidding cruel and unusual punishment.

As I’m about to resign myself to my fate, a new voice makes itself known.

“Sensei. Forgive my interruption, but please permit me to speak frankly.”

All three of us turn our attention to the third desk in the front row, whose occupant hasn’t yet followed the others out to lunch but is instead standing as straight as Cu Chulainn’s spear and fixing us with a look just as sharp.

“C-Class Rep!”

Otoe Tsukasa has earned the nickname “Her Highness Tsukasa” because of how prim, proper, and above all, strict she is as class representative. She certainly appears quite royal as she stares us down- not a wrinkle or crease in her uniform, not a scratch or smudge on her glasses, not a single hair of her princess cut out of place. She’s pretty, but hers is a cold, distant kind of beauty. The magenta armband marking her as part of the student government is the only splash of color on her, the black pen poking out of her breast pocket her only piece of personal ornamentation.

“Oh, Ms. Tsukasa,” Sasayaki-sensei says. “Permission granted. Please, go ahead.”

“Very well.” Tsukasa turns her flashing eyes on me, and I suddenly feel as if I’m on trial for some heinous crime. “Shimada. I cannot recommend that you accept this request, or indeed, that you spend more time with this Cu Chulainn than is strictly necessary.” She says the name like it’s a grave insult.

Well, this is new. Nobody’s ever encouraged me to turn somebody down before.

The oddity of her statement settles my thoughts just a little by giving them something new to focus on. “Huh? Why do you say that?” I ask.

“Let me reassure you that your capabilities are not in question. Were you asked to guide anybody else, you would be the ideal candidate. However, though I do not look it, I am well-acquainted with the behaviors of wild women such as her. Your reliability is unlikely to rub off on her; in fact, the opposite is far more likely should you remain around her for too long.”

“Eeeh?!” Cu Chulainn exclaims. “Who do you think you are, calling me a ‘wild woman’ like that? Some kind of queen? I can’t stand queens either; they tend not to know the first thing about me. Just like you, if you think I’ll be nothing but a bad influence on Puppy-kun.” She drapes her free arm around me in a loose hug. “You watch me; I’ll have you eating your words by next week.”

Tsukasa weathers the insults as coolly as ever, but the glare she aims at Cu Chulainn now is positively withering. “You are not the first who has tried and failed to prove me wrong,” she says.

I swear I can hear Cu Chulainn growl at the claim.

“Shimada.” Now the withering glare is on me again. Here comes the sentencing, I tell myself. “You have my advice; I trust you will act wisely on it. Now, I will not keep you any longer. Good day to you all.”

She bows at the waist to Sasayaki-sensei, then gathers up her bento and leaves us.

“Tch. That woman…” Cu Chulainn says after what feels like hours of heavy silence. Then, “Hm? Puppy-kun, you look all shaken up again. What’s wrong? Did she get to you that badly?”

Between Tsukasa’s unexpected lecture and Cu Chulainn’s surprisingly high body heat still enveloping my side, I realize that I’m sweating bullets like a human machine gun. I quickly extract myself from her grip and try to tidy myself up.

“I-I-I’m fine. M-maybe just a little surprised. That was the first time Class Rep’s ever really talked to me.”

“Maybe that was the first time she’s ever really talked to anybody. Seriously, so stiff, so formal! She reminds me of somebody I used to know who was just like that.” This time, the blunt end of her spear leaves a small crater in the tile.

“Aaanyway.” Once again, I’m desperate for a change of subject. “Sensei, I’ll go ahead and show Ms. Chulainn around the school.” The reliable, obedient part of me has defaulted to what it knows best. Is this the wise action that Tsukasa hoped I’d take? I guess I’ll find out one way or another.

Sasayaki-sensei nods again. “Yes, very good. Ms. Tsukasa was being just a little too harsh, I think; let’s give Ms. Chulainn the benefit of the doubt. Have fun, but please try not to stab any more desks.”

“Don’t you worry, Teach. I promise I’ll be on my best behavior from now on.” She gives him a big thumbs-up and a full smile. “You two can count on me!”

“R-right. Well, if we’re going to find the perfect spot to eat lunch t-together, we’d better get going.” The though of me sharing lunch with her in a special place is… “Please follow me, Ms. Chulainn.”

Cu Chulainn wraps me up in a tighter hug this time and laughs. “Hey, don’t you be getting all formal on me too! We’re friends now, so there’s no need for any of this ‘Ms. Chulainn’ business between us, okay? From now on, you can just call me Cu-chan!”

Just how hot can a man’s face and ears get?

“R-right. Uh… please follow me, Cu-chan.”

Friends…

 

[capMARVELOUS]

Chapter ONE
(Part THREE of THREE)​

“Whoa, is that the new student? She looks so glamorous…”

“I heard she transferred from somewhere in Europe.”

“What’s that thing she’s carrying? Some kind of cosplay prop?”

Students whisper things like these as Cu-chan and I walk through the halls. She doesn’t seem to pay them any more mind than she paid morning classes, but something about her body language tells me that she’s trying to hide just how much she likes all the attention.

For my part, I keep my head down like always and pray that nothing happens to set her off again. The blame for any spear-related incident would likely fall on me now, since I don’t have anywhere near enough charisma to calm her down when she’s in the heat of the moment, or physical fortitude to keep the weapon at bay. Although, now that I’ve gotten somewhat more used to it, and seen how well she controls it even in causal situations like this, I wonder if there’d even be a need for me to intervene.

“So, what do you do here, Puppy-kun?” Cu-chan asks me, jolting me from my thoughts.

“Huh? What do I… do?”

“Yeah! Like, are you on the student government? A sports team? You seem like the kind of guy who’s at least a club president.”

“N-no, nothing as special as that. I mean, sometimes I’ll stay behind to help tutor a classmate, but that’s about it. I usually just go home to study once classes are over.”

Cu-chan suddenly leans toward me and fixes me with a coquettish smile. Her sharp teeth turn what should be a cute look into a vaguely menacing one. “Awww~, no after-school activities for Puppy-kun? That’s a real shame…”

“H-h-huh?!” My entire body feels warm; how much of that is because I’m flustered, and how much is because she’s so close to me? “W-what do you m-mean by that…?”

She straightens back up just as quickly, and the air becomes much cooler. “Then again… maybe not…” Her grin fades as she trails off, soon replaced by her thoughtful expression from earlier.

I get the feeling that she’s trying to figure out the best way to keep hanging out with me. But why does she have to make her feelings seem so contradictory? Is it bad that I’m not tied down after school, or is it good? I can’t believe I’m thinking this, but I’d much prefer Osuwari’s teasing. At least he’s straightforward.

“Aaanyway. Here’s the library.” The room we enter is spacious, lined with floor-to-ceiling bookshelves packed with textbooks on every subject under the sun, dotted with tables populated by students enjoying a quiet lunch hour or getting a head start on the next exam. “The classrooms are locked once classes end, so you can study here if you don’t want to go home right away.”

Cu-chan starts glancing around the place, oblivious to the onlookers continuing to trade whispered rumors and speculations about her. “What kinds of things do you have to study in here?”

“Lots of things.” I’m starting to fill the tour guide role better than I thought. “For example, since you said you like running track, there are biographies of Olympic runners, old training guides for different races-”

“How about war?”

“… H-huh?”

“Do you have any books about war?”

The question, combined with the strange gaze she fixes me with, stops me dead in my tracks. I don’t think I’ve ever heard such an unladylike question before. But then I remember that Cu-chan isn’t exactly ladylike to begin with, and she was a great warrior in her past life; it makes sense for part of her to still be interested in it.

“Uh… n-not a whole lot, but there are some volumes of general military history, from the Warring States Period up to World War Two.” Even though some foreign instinct is telling me to bail out, my old habits reassure me that a tour guide’s job is to answer the tourist’s questions.

Cu-chan grins her wolfish grin again, but the aura that accompanies it is far less predatory than it was. Rather, it’s like a troublesome child who’s just found a dangerous new toy to play with, which is somehow even worse.

“Heh-heh. Nice.”

I get the feeling that I’ve made a terrible mistake.


Once we finish exploring the inside of the school, I take Cu-chan out to the courtyard to show her some popular places where students gather. Maybe we’ll find her perfect lunch spot here.

A large, rectangular stone pillar looms over us, surrounded by a small fence and a few clusters of students of various years. The sharpness of its corners and the writing carved into it has faded from centuries of weather and hands, but it does little to detract from its impressive, almost regal aura.

“This pillar marks the spot where the southern gate of a famous Edo Period highway once stood. Fourth-years here have started a superstition of rubbing it for good luck in their own upcoming journeys.”

As if to prove my claim, an approaching older boy gives one of the pillar’s smooth faces a few quick pats before joining his friends.

“Cool…”

Cu-chan once again looks like she’s trying to hide her true feelings behind a bored façade, but she’s pile-driving holes into the dirt with the blunt end of her spear, which I’ve quickly learned is her sign that she’s especially displeased about something.

“Huh? Cu-chan, what’s the matter?”

“I don’t mean this in a rude way, but could we finish up here and go look at something else? Standing stones like this give me major bad vibes.”

“What do you- oh.”

Oh no.

The shock of realization of what I’ve accidentally done surges through me.

My experience with Celtic myth is hazy at best, but even casuals know about the tragic connection between Cu Chulainn and standing stones. Gravely wounded in his final battle, he tied himself to a standing stone with his belt and exposed intestines so he could die facing the enemy on his own two feet. No wonder she’s upset; in fact, “major bad vibes” would probably be putting it politely.

“I-I-I’m so sorry!” I stammer, plunging into a kneeling bow as fast as I can. “I wasn’t trying to insult you by bringing you here, I promise! I really should have known better! Please forgive meee!”

When Cu-chan starts laughing, I just know I’m done for. How many times in her past life has she had someone grovel at her feet, begging mercy for a grave insult? And how many times has her spear denied them mercy? I only hope my final mistake on earth won’t be enough to bar me from heaven-

“What a man you are, Puppy-kun! Apologizing for something you didn’t do! I know you weren’t trying to insult me, so there’s nothing to forgive!”

“… H-h-huh?”

In the process of sitting up, I barely have time to process her surprising, but extremely fortunate, lack of offense before she grabs me under the arm and hauls me fully to my feet. The ease with which she does so causes my face to flush for what feels like the hundredth time today.

It’s just like a master helping her dog out of a hole.

“C’mon and get up off the ground, though. You’re making a scene down there. Making a scene is my job.”

“R-right. Sorry. Uh… let’s keep going.”

As we resume the tour, I hear some of the students who witnessed my failed apology snickering at me. “Hey, Shimada can play dead without a command! He’s a better dog than I thought!”

I’m no Celtic spear-wielding demigod, but that pillar is suddenly starting to give me major bad vibes too.


“Hey, what’s the significance of that tree over there?”

The tree in question, tucked away in an unpopulated corner of the courtyard, is an ordinary, if somewhat small, oak tree. Its bark has a healthy luster, and its leaves are full and green, but it doesn’t offer quite enough shade to entice students to sit on the worn benches arranged at its foot. If trees could look lonely, this one would.

“Well, they planted it the year the school first opened, but other than that, there’s not much to it.” I rub my chin and wonder just what about it could be so interesting to her.

“Hmmm…” Cu-chan rubs her chin in contemplation too, but she seems to come to a conclusion much faster than me. She nods resolutely. “Alright, I’ve decided. C’mon!” Then she grabs me by the wrist and starts dragging me toward the tree.

I barely have time to stutter out my usual “R-right” before my body jerks forward and I have to fight to keep myself from faceplanting into the dirt. “Hey! Wh-what’s the matter now?”

She turns back to me, not breaking her stride at all, and for the first time all morning, her smile is truly wholesome. No predatory intent, no lighthearted teasing, not even a trace of the divine aura inherent to her nature as a demigoddess.

In this moment, she looks like any ordinary high-school girl genuinely excited to spend time with her friend.

“Isn’t it obvious? I’ve found where we’re going to eat! It’s the perfect spot!”


The irregular arrangement of leaves on the branches overhead cast dappled shadows on us as we sit. Immediately, Cu-chan digs into her backpack and produces a bento as big as her head. That she managed to fit such a thing into so small a space is, in the grand context of her life, probably one of the most mundane things she’s ever done, but to a mere mortal, it’s still enough to make you wonder if her backpack has some sort of infinite storage space charm placed on it.

An enormous cloud of steam billows out from the bento as soon as the lid is cracked. When it clears, I see that she wasn’t lying about her favorite food; if anything, she was underselling it. Every bit of available space is crammed full of some kind of fish dish. Skewered chunks of whitefish grilled and marinated with glossy brown sauce. Raw strips of salmon piled atop a mountain of rice, accompanied by hundreds of little orange salmon roe. Breaded filets of mackerel fried to golden brown perfection.

Forget her backpack- her bento is the one with the infinite storage space charm. My reheated leftover teriyaki beef pales in comparison, like a foothill standing beside a mountain range.

Cu-chan claps her hands and shows all her teeth. “Okay! Let’s eat!” she says.

“R-right! Let’s eat,” I repeat.

As more and more of her lunch disappears, the air around me grows warmer and warmer. It’s because of her body heat again, I realize, her quite literally divine metabolism working overtime to produce enough energy for whatever feats a Child of Light might find herself doing.

But… there are no feats for a Child of Light here. There are no corrupt kings, no fated rivals, no invading armies out for treasure. I sneak a look at her spear, leaning against the tree’s trunk, and imagine it pitted and worn from an earthly lifetime of disuse. Even though I’ve been afraid of the thing since I first laid eyes on it, the thought of it in such a state, denied the glory it once held, is tragic.

These musings in this peaceful moment finally motivate me to ask a question that, up until now, I’ve been too caught up in Cu-chan’s antics to ask.

“Uh… Cu-chan?” I begin. She looks up at me in the middle of tearing off another piece of fried mackerel like an alligator. Is it possible for somebody to look ferocious and adorable at the same time? Wait, why am I suddenly thinking that she’s adorable? “If it’s okay for me to ask, how did you come to be here? Here as in, this time, this place? It’s not exactly an environment where a demigoddess can thrive.”

“Hm? What do you mean by that?”

“It’s just that there’s not a lot of adventure around anymore- at least, not the kind of adventure you must have been used to.”

“Well, you’re not wrong. It’s actually one of the reasons why I’m here. See, Old Man Lugh thought I was getting a bit too rowdy in the afterlife- Old Man Lugh is my dad, by the way,” she explains. “But he said something along the lines of-” and it’s here that she adopts a purposely bad impression of a grumpy geezer- “‘Cu-chan, you’ve let all that earthly glory go to your head! I’m tired of you getting into fights and me having to heal you all the time! You need to take it easy for once!’ So he set me up in this time, this place, this body, hoping I’d live a quiet life and calm down a bit before coming back.”

She laughs around another mouthful of rice and salmon roe. “Joke’s on him, though! If he wanted me to live a quiet life, he picked the worst era for it! Ahhh, the world has changed so much since I was last here. New food, new technology, history I missed out on and history still to be made- it’s all so exciting! I’m going to get up to so much trouble!”

She says it with such enthusiasm that I can’t help but smile along with her. If she plans to get up to actual trouble, that will, of course, be a problem. But if it’s just her way of saying she’s going to have fun…

Maybe spending extra time with her won’t be such a bad thing after all.

“Although…” Cu-chan continues, “if I’m going to properly explore all this time and place have to offer, I’ll need somebody to help me out at first. Maybe somebody who’s already done such a good job of showing me around? Hmmm~?” She scoots closer to me and waggles her eyebrows.

“Would that be… m-me?” I ask, still flustered, but just a little more receptive than when the request was first made.

“Yep! That’d be you!”

She suddenly stands up and turns to face me, arms crossed and an even more confident smile on her face. In the afternoon sun, her hair and eyes shine more brilliantly than they did this morning. I vaguely register the bell ringing in the distance, signaling the end of lunch hour, but the words she says next demand every free ounce of my attention.

Because the words she says next are…

“Pay attention, Puppy-kun! I’m placing a geas on you, so you won’t be able to get out of this, even if you wanted to!

“This week, you’re going to take me on a proper date!”

Chapter ONE: END​