Story Looking for writers

[Rcticwolf]

Hello fellow writers, I'm looking for people that wouldn't mind reading, then giving me feedback on my short stories I have posted on deviantart

 

[Dove]

I wouldn’t mind beta-reading. What sort of topics do you write about? c:

 

[Rcticwolf]

I wouldn’t mind beta-reading. What sort of topics do you write about? c:

Just stuff that interests me

 

[teen_angst]

Hello fellow writers, I'm looking for people that wouldn't mind reading, then giving me feedback on my short stories I have posted on deviantart

Sure! What's your DA, and which stories are you most interested in getting feedback on?

 

[Rcticwolf]

Sure! What's your DA, and which stories are you most interested in getting feedback on?

My DA is rcticwolf, I have a short story about a league of legends character, and 6 chapters of a Pokemon adventure story

 

[teen_angst]

My DA is rcticwolf, I have a short story about a league of legends character, and 6 chapters of a Pokemon adventure story

I'll check out your league of legends fic, I love the lore/setting of that universe.

 

[Rcticwolf]

I'll check out your league of legends fic, I love the lore/setting of that universe.

Ok, I just used the characters bio for my short story, I mean it helped with the story

 

[teen_angst]

Rcticwolf The story was pretty good! I really enjoyed the dialogue; it felt natural, and you wrote the mother/son relationship very realistically. I wish that you had described a few of Ahri's past battles/enemies from her point of view, instead of saying "Ahri told tales of all the warriors she encountered, being sure to leave out the gore and profanity." It would have been really interesting to hear the character carefully avoiding sensitive subjects while also telling stories to her child. There were many minor grammatical mistakes; they didn't impact the reading significantly, but I think it is still important to clean those up to the best of your ability. I thought the way you described where the child came from to be a kind of awkward, you could have left it ambiguous as to how Ahri got the child and I feel that would have made the story stronger. I do really enjoy that this short story was a window into a really unexplored part of the LoL universe- what happens when the champions aren't fighting? From that perspective, the story was very creative, and that intrigue held my interest to the end. However, I feel that using someone else's universe/characters may alienate readers unfamiliar with the lore, especially since you do not really establish Ahri as a character here, you instead build upon the image Riot Games has put out for her. Overall, I really enjoyed the read, and I think you did a great job.

 

[Rcticwolf]

Rcticwolf The story was pretty good! I really enjoyed the dialogue; it felt natural, and you wrote the mother/son relationship very realistically. I wish that you had described a few of Ahri's past battles/enemies from her point of view, instead of saying "Ahri told tales of all the warriors she encountered, being sure to leave out the gore and profanity." It would have been really interesting to hear the character carefully avoiding sensitive subjects while also telling stories to her child. There were many minor grammatical mistakes; they didn't impact the reading significantly, but I think it is still important to clean those up to the best of your ability. I thought the way you described where the child came from to be a kind of awkward, you could have left it ambiguous as to how Ahri got the child and I feel that would have made the story stronger. I do really enjoy that this short story was a window into a really unexplored part of the LoL universe- what happens when the champions aren't fighting? From that perspective, the story was very creative, and that intrigue held my interest to the end. However, I feel that using someone else's universe/characters may alienate readers unfamiliar with the lore, especially since you do not really establish Ahri as a character here, you instead build upon the image Riot Games has put out for her. Overall, I really enjoyed the read, and I think you did a great job.

Thanks, I did it several years ago, so its not my best work, and I'm glad you liked it

 

[Rcticwolf]

Rcticwolf The story was pretty good! I really enjoyed the dialogue; it felt natural, and you wrote the mother/son relationship very realistically. I wish that you had described a few of Ahri's past battles/enemies from her point of view, instead of saying "Ahri told tales of all the warriors she encountered, being sure to leave out the gore and profanity." It would have been really interesting to hear the character carefully avoiding sensitive subjects while also telling stories to her child. There were many minor grammatical mistakes; they didn't impact the reading significantly, but I think it is still important to clean those up to the best of your ability. I thought the way you described where the child came from to be a kind of awkward, you could have left it ambiguous as to how Ahri got the child and I feel that would have made the story stronger. I do really enjoy that this short story was a window into a really unexplored part of the LoL universe- what happens when the champions aren't fighting? From that perspective, the story was very creative, and that intrigue held my interest to the end. However, I feel that using someone else's universe/characters may alienate readers unfamiliar with the lore, especially since you do not really establish Ahri as a character here, you instead build upon the image Riot Games has put out for her. Overall, I really enjoyed the read, and I think you did a great job.

I also had a plan to do a second part with a friend, to delve further, but we never got to it

 

[teen_angst]

I also had a plan to do a second part with a friend, to delve further, but we never got to it

I encourage you to go for it! Let me know if you write the second part, I'd like to read it.

 

[Rcticwolf]

I encourage you to go for it! Let me know if you write the second part, I'd like to read it.

I need to rethink it, because back then all I had for ideas was Darius pursing Ahri for revenge

 

[teen_angst]

I need to rethink it, because back then all I had for ideas was Darius pursing Ahri for revenge

That sounds like a good story to me! It could end with a grisly confrontation between Darius and Ahri, where she's trying to defend her young child and Darius is exploiting that like a weakness.

 

[Rcticwolf]

That sounds like a good story to me! It could end with a grisly confrontation between Darius and Ahri, where she's trying to defend her young child and Darius is exploiting that like a weakness.

We shall see, I take it you aren't a pokemon fan?

 

[teen_angst]

We shall see, I take it you aren't a pokemon fan?

I've played most of the games, but the story/reading about it doesn't interest me very much. I just like the gameplay lol.

 

[rvventein33]

hello here does a poetry can be take here because i wanna show u my little masterpiece

your rating will be the welcome pls