Knock on Wood, Pilot, Episode 0

Status
Not open for further replies.
"I don't think I'm bleeding internally..."
"Ah, well, you never can be terribly sure until you get inspected by a professional, although you could pass out from the pain, driving through all these bugs. Especially if your bone is bruised."
"a taxi... Moses is visiting for the summer?"
"It's a joke," she says with a slight laugh, "but if you're right, the swarming animals are coming next. I think we missed the frogs and blood, though."

"My name is Marrok... your scent is familiar."
"That's an awfully odd and potentially rude thing to say to someone you've only just met.... Again," she says to Marrok, after gawking at him for a few seconds while Erin spoke again, before turning back to the new girl, "I'm Selene, nice to meet you, but no need for 'ma'ams' with me, it was just a way to get your attention before learning your name. we may be the same age. My birthday's November 25th, [20 YEARS AGO]. Anyway, pleased to meet you."
She puts out a hand to shake and a very soft and gentle shake, when shaken, like shaking hands with a porcelain doll that might shatter if it were to bend too much too quickly.
"You two can keep grabbing supplies, I'll grab some burning fuel and lighters to ward off the horde and keep an eye on the rest of town. Sounds like the local authorities might be on their way too, I can keep watch."
 
Let's fly for a minute, ok? From three hundred feet in the air above The ACME, you can see quite a swath of land in the flat Kansas countryside. Thirteen miles east of the market you can see a squat, square brick building with a grey roof. Let's zoom in there.

You can see Russell County Municipal Authority spelled out in oxidized aluminum letters. Around the back side of this building is parked one solitary vehicle. It's a black and white Ford LTC Crown Victoria with two red bubbles and a speaker on the top bar. On the door is a star inside a horseshoe with the letters RDP and the word Sheriff. Inside the building sitting at a green-grey desk is Deputy Randall Mertz and across from him is Sheriff Bill Greenspire. The tan phone rings and Deputy Mertz answers.

"Russell County Sheriff's office, emergency or otherwise? ... Uh huh ... uh huh ... what? ... come on! ... hold on Jim," Mertz covers the mouthpiece with his hand and looks at Sheriff Greenspire, "Bill? Jim Belter says he's at the pay phone outside of the Clothes Encounters Laundromat and he says that the ACME across the street is getting eaten by locusts."

Bill quirks an eyebrow at Randall and tips an imaginary bottle back in front of his mouth. Then cracks a big mustached smile.

On the other end of the phone, Jim is pulling on the metal wrapped phone cord and pacing back and forth as far as the length of the phone cor will allow, which is to say not that much. "Look, I ain't shittin' you, Randy. Tell Bill I ain't had but one beer this morning with breakfast. You guys need to get down here before someone gets et up by these things." Then he holds the receiver out toward the ACME. "You hear that? That's them locusts dammit!"

Back and the municipal building Randall pulls his ear from the phone and grimaces. "Jesus Jim, what was that? ... Alright, alright, take it easy. We'll be there in a minute. I just need to put my gun away and grab some bug repellent, then one of us will be down to check it out." Randall hangs up the phone and holds out a fist toward the sheriff. "Rock, paper, scissors... ha! Your turn boss man."

Groaning, Sheriff Greenspire stands up and grabs his hat, then turns toward the door. "If I get devoured by locusts, tell my wife and kids that I love them. At least I get a chance to test out the new siren." He turns and walks out the door.

A little while later, back at the ACME crows are starting to show up and take advantage of the all you can eat cricket buffet. Their meal is cut short by the front bumper of Lolli's Winnebago traveling at the only speed it knows, hurry. The RV drives around the back of the ACME and pulls up against the loading dock. Inside, Lolli puts the vehicle in neutral and presses on the horn starting the pop melody Lollipop, by the Chordettes. Out of the back door bursts a the group of store patrons and employees in a confused scrum. "Nothing to fear folks, the danger is gone!" Lolli says with one arm hanging out of the driver's side window." Just then a bug lands on her face and she swats it away, "Thfpt." She spits and continues, "As I was saying, nothing to fear. The danger is gone. You should be able to make your way around the front of the building to your cars. The police will be here any minute." As if on cue, the sounds of a police siren can be heard off in the distance.

Following behind the group of people, making sure that no one gets left behind is Erik. "Erik!" Lolli exclaims "Great job, now if you don't mind please round up Marrok, Selene, and Erin and let's hightail it out of here or we're going to be stuck in Kansas longer that we want to be." Lolli leans back into the window and presses hard on her musical horn once more. Maybe twice, for good measure.
 
Erik jogs back inside the store to find the others.

"Cops are coming, RV lady's parked out back and says we should get a move on if we wanna make it out of here without a lot of fuss. Locusts are starting to ease up too."

Seeing new faces, he'll pause for a second. "Hi, I'm Erik. We can get to know each other later. Now, who's in VAN CREW and who's riding in the RV?"
 
We'll be back with Knock On Wood after these messages!

SOUNDWAVE creeps over the side of the Ark, lets RAZORBEAK out of his chest-cavity.

"RAZORBEAK, Assignment: Spy on Optimus Prime. Bring back intelligence about location of Autobot Energon Cubes."

The bird-like transformer flies above the Autobot ship, eyes autofocusing on the Autobots carting Energon Cubes around.

An Autobot yells, "Now!" into his MOTOROLA TWO-WAY PROFESSIONAL WALKIE TALKIE and RAZORBEAK finds himself entangled in an Energon net!

OPTIMUS PRIME rolls up and his crane attachment picks up the entangled Decepticon.

"Good job, BUMBLEBEE! Your MOTOROLA TWO-WAY PROFESSIONAL WALKIE TALKIE WITH SIX CHANNEL SELECTOR sure helped us catch that sneaky Decepticon!"

"Right on, OPTIMUS PRIME! He'll think twice before tangling with us again!"

MOTOROLA: Like the Transformers, they're ...

... MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE!​

...Now, back to our show!
 
Marrok heard the musical car horn, and immediately knew that Lolli was waiting for him. He also heard the sirens getting much closer and began to panic, not wanting to have to answer for anything that had just happened. He allowed Erin to grab what she thought she would need, and as soon as she seemed done, he swept her up in his arms and rushed through the large double doors to the back of the store.

Looking around, he saw all of the people were safe, and one of them, a skinny little twig with a combover and mustache, looked at him with anger in his eyes. Before the man could reprimand him for looting, he threw a bunch of first aid items to the group and shouted, "you're welcome!"

With that, he jumped out of the loading dock, landing in a full sprint, still carrying Erin. He headed to the door of the Winnebago, and before opening the door, he set Erin down. Opening the door, he gestured for her to step inside and said, "you punched a bug pile from 10 yards away today, this is probably the least weird thing you've experienced since you woke up, but I still feel that I need to warn you. Lolli is a bit... Eccentric." He smiled, "but I think you will like her."
 
Erin nods, feeling a little sense of loss when Marrok set her down. It was a little exhilarating being carried around like that!

She set her ever-multiplying grocery bags down in the kitchenette, glass items in the sink, and headed up to meet with Lolli. She was unexpectedly nervous and wasn't sure why.

"Um, hello! I'm Erin, ma'am... mind if I tag along for a while? And maybe would it be possible to get the CB and the rest of my clothes out of the car?"
 
Selene, hearing the sirens getting closer and closer, gave up a warning whistle, the kind you use to flag a cab.
"We should clear out everyone! They're coming in closer and I don't want to be interrogated tonight!"
Right about as she says that, that same strange RV woman from earlier, honking out the tune to a song she quite liked by the Chordettes.

Essentially running with a jerrycan of peanut oil, and fistful of lighters shoved into her purse, her attention was drawn to the pile of smudge on the floor. "I might want to get a sample of this. Just in case we can learn anything new about it," then popped open a jar of maraschino cherries, eating a couple, then dumping out the rest, trying to collect a relatively unburned clump.

Then, seeing Erik again, and everyone seemingly dispersing, rather placidly, she thought things must have calmed down considerably. "Looks like I'm with you again after all. We're listening to The Exciting Wilson Picket first, you owe it to me for making me deaf."
Passing by Sal on the way out, she hands him a 20 and says "sorry for the disruption, I won't do anything of the sort in your store ever again. Keep the chaaange!" and walks away, to the van, putting in one of her new cassettes, making sure her other newfound companions are snug as bugs in rugs, then climbing on into the van.

1, 2, 3!
1, 2, 3!
GOTTA KNOW HOW TO PONY...
 
Last edited:
The bug mass has almost completely dispersed. There are still a few jumping and buzzing around, but it is clear that whatever it was that was drawing them to this place has lost its attraction. Even the thick, sweet scent of tar is drifting away in a gentle breeze.

Lolli hangs her arm out of the window and bangs three times on the door panel. "Let's go, let's go, let's go!" Turning inside to respond to her boarding passengers she says, "Sure hun, we have a minute before the accident." Again Lolli sticks her head out of the window to address Erik, "Erik! Meet us at 719 Wisconsin St, Cawker City. It's just about an hour's drive. It's best if we split up and not caravan." With that Lolli puts Winnie in gear and drives around the front of the store. "Let's go, sweety." She motions to Erin then exits the RV grabbing a screwdriver out of a toolbox by the door. She moves to the bag of the car and unscrews the car's plate tossing it into the RV. Then she opens the driver door and checks for the VIN number plate, "Nope." Then spies the oval metal plate and uses the screwdriver to pop it from the dash. Pocketing the plate she climbs back on the RV and patiently waits for everyone to take a seat. "All set? OK!"

Lolli grabs the ball on the steering wheel and spins the wheel until the RV is headed directly toward the Clothes Encounters Laundromat across the street. There on the stoop stands a sweaty man wearing bibs with no shirt underneath. Lolli whips the RV broadside to the building and leans out the window with her fingers in the shape of a gun. She stretches out her arm toward Jim Belter and mouths the word BANG.

Jim has seen enough weird shit today to fill three outhouses. His eyes go wide and he takes off in a sprint around the back of the RV just as the police car comes barreling down the road. The car swerves, loses control and wraps around a telephone pole. Jim stumbles, but catches himself and continues running through across the road and into the corn.

Lolli looks in her mirror and her face falls as she watches the scene unfold. "Damn, if only he would have knocked on wood."
 
WLUK News at 7

A tragic scene earlier today in rural Kansas. What can only be described as an act of God himself, an ACME Markets in Russell County has succumbed to a plague of locusts. Yes, I said locusts. Witnesses are saying that the storm of locusts came out of nowhere and targeted the grocery store. In the aftermath, three store patrons were found suffocated by insects in the parking lot and local policeman, Sheriff WIlliam Greenspire was killed by an apparent collision. No word yet whether the accident was related to the insects. Sheriff Greenspire is survived by a wife, Mary and two children William Jr. and Randy. Our hearts go out to the families of the victims.

In other news....
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Users who are viewing this thread

Total: 3 (members: 0, guests: 3)
Back
Top