Journal Just a general discussion of me talking to myself/you guys about stuff

[Lone Star II]

This is not for advice,
but we can have a discussion on it if you'd like some more info

So basically
the planet wants me to fail
I'm persuing this girl
I'll just say she's interesting
It's an irl thing
Anyways she keeps staring at me for longer periods of time than normal, which is very usual for her
She's also a bit immature
she is younger than me by like 2 years I think
for some reason she makes me extremely nervous
Although with how many other factors and things that are tied into it, I think I'm in love with her
Like
LEGIT, REAL LOVE
Which I've only really felt four times
It's obviously different online than in person, but yeah
I do see her in person as well
So that's something
There's a lot I'm leaving out so if you wanna ask about anything specific or something like that just lemme know what it is

 

[FolKinPunk]

You said that the planet want you to fail, what's wrong? What's been going on that's making it hard to talk to her ect?

 

[Lone Star II]

You said that the planet want you to fail, what's wrong? What's been going on that's making it hard to talk to her ect?

For the fact that I can't even look directly without her without my heart feeling like it's about to explode from nervousness--
Well, yeah. The nervousness. The nervousness makes it EXTREMELY HARD to even say anything, so I'm lucky if I get a few sentences while looking directly at her before literally walking into another room to calm myself down.
As for the fact that unless I feel extremely comfortable around the person, I'm either extremely shy, or extremely dark.
There's also like, a proximity bubble around her or something because I can't get too close to her or my heart goes INSANE.

And with the planet thing; when I went down to my grandparent's house to visit for my birthday, 4-5 hours away from me and my house, she happened to be gone out of state. She didn't choose to be but yeah.
Anyways when I did see her for the few days I was there, it was with my father, my sister, and her boyfriend (which is my best of the best of friends).
We crammed into a car and went off to get some sushi. Oh my lord...the drive there and the drive back was exaughsting for my heart. She...let's call her Jane. So Jane was in the middle back seat, and my dad was in the back right seat. He's a big dude, so she was crammed up against yours truly. I was in the back left seat, wishing for the day to end, while my sister blasted Panic at the Disco as her boyfriend was speeding through the country streets on sport mode in a fucking Kia at 70-80 mph. As if the pressure from all of that wasn't enough, she tried to directly talk and look at me, while literally pressing up against me, as I'm trying to grab the damn handle because I'm afraid to even try to buckle my damn seatbelt cause I'm afraid to directly touch her with my hand. Especially in a place like that.
So much damn pressure.

 

[Lone Star II]

Jesus christ sorry for the paragraphs
Holy fuck

 

[Lone Star II]

You ever feel like a deity of some sort?
I do sometimes
I feel like a literal god
I don't know why
I just do sometimes
I'm the puppetmaster throughout most situations, and I pull the strings
I guess that might explain it;
I have full control over most situations, because I control every factor of it
It's simple really

 

[Fenix]

Aww, I was gonna say that’s quite a crush! I’m happy for you though. I hope you guys eventually get comfortable with one another. I’m rooting for you!

 

[Lone Star II]

Aww, I was gonna say that’s quite a crush! I’m happy for you though. I hope you guys eventually get comfortable with one another. I’m rooting for you!

I kinda gave up on her, but thanks! It's not like I don't want to date someone; it's just that I don't wanna go chasing someone who probably has no interest in me. Enough said!

 

[Lone Star II]

Alright people, so here's the sitch.
I got my hair perm dyed red. Looks awesome and I'm rockin' it.
I got a job. That's all I'm gonna say about it.
My school is forcing me to take advanced courses even though I have the shittiest grades of the century. I mean F after F after F. A whole 6 F line-up.
I mean I know I'm still smarter than most of my damn school, and that I've proved that to them multiple times, but I'm undergoing some family pressure at the moment, so I'd love it if they'd just calm down with all that shit you know?
Also, my best friend from a few years ago plays with me again. Which is fuckin' amazing. 7 years strong people. That's the sign of true friendship.
Hmmmm what else....It's getting harder and harder to even live with my damn father after all of the shit that's happened/still happening. Just gonna give you a hint. It's mostly his fault. Not....let's call her Jane. Not Jane's. His. Jane is my ex-step-mother. My dad really screwed that one up lmao.
Oh yeah, my dad's gonna be gone all weekend, so that'll be HELLA refreshing.
Also hi mods! Love you! I'm keeping this as positive as can be!